Communist Jokes

[Workers-Control-Over-Prod]

Some jokes, feel free to contribute (couldn't find the last joke thread):


From GDR:



Of what Crime is an East German convicted of when he insults the SED leadership of being idiots? Of revealing a State Secret:laugh:


What is the difference between neutron bombs and East German coffee?There is no difference, they both kill people while leaving coffee cups and other objects unharmed


The East German leader said to his Economic minister 'If the economy gets any worse, they'll nail us to the cross.' The economics minister replied, 'Don't worry, the economy is so bad that there are no wood or nails available!'


What is the difference between terrorists and East German leaders?Terrorists have supporters
:laugh:


An East German citizen was given a sentence of one year imprisonment for calling the East German leader an idiot. The citizen was charge for the crime of revealing a State secret[This was the original version, but the first version was which i heard first because it is more in joke form]


The East German government leader stood in front of a window high above a plaza where the East Germans were walking. He asked his assistant, 'Do you think i could make some of the people happy by throwing money out of the window way down to them?' The assistant replied,'Sure, but you could make everybody even happier if you threw yourself out the window.'

[ВАЛТЕР]

I know a good one about the GDR.


Why is E. German toilet paper always 2 ply?

Because they have to send a copy of everything they do to Moscow. :lol:

[Workers-Control-Over-Prod]

I know a good one about the GDR.



Because they have to send a copy of everything they do to Moscow. :lol:

LOL


Judge Schnauz walks into the cafeteria of the Erfurt district court bent over with laughter. Other judges and lawyers ask him why he is so amused. "Oh, comrades, I've just heard the latest political joke!" "Tell it to us!" "Unfortunately, I can't do that. I've just sentenced a barber to two years of prison for it!"


Erich Honecker receives a gold watch for his birthday that he is very fond of. He even keeps it under his pillow when he goes to bed. One day, while at the office, Erich realizes that he is missing his watch. In a panic, he calls Erich Mielke (the head of the Stasi) and tells him that someone has stolen his watch. Later, he realizes he left it under his pillow, and being relieved, calls Mielke to tell him to cancel the investigation. Mielke responds "Too late, we've arrested three suspects and they've confessed everything!"


Two inmates in the Bautzen political prison are talking about their sentences. "How long are you in for?" "Five years." "And what did you do?" "Nothing." "Can't be. For nothing you get ten years!"


The leader of the GDR, Erich Honecker, wants to know what the people really think of him. So goes out among the people in disguise. He asks a man on the street: "Excuse me, but what do you think of Honecker?" The man leads him down a side street, makes sure that nobody hears him, and whispers into Erich's ear, "I support Honecker!"

:lol:

[leftistman]

Are you Karl Marx? 'Cause you're causing an uprising in my lower class. :D

[Q]

What is a Trabant on the top of a hill?

Impressive

What are two Trabants on the top of a hill?

A miracle!

What are 5 Trabants on the top of a hill?

Oh, nothing special. They just placed the factory there so they can kickstart new Trabants.

[Comrades Unite!]

Stalin attends the premiere of a Soviet comedy movie. He happily laughs and smiles during the movie, but when the movie ends he suddenly asks, "Well, I liked the comedy. But why does that clownish character have a moustache just like mine?" Stalin says. Everyone is speechless and someone sheepishly suggests, "But Comrade Stalin, maybe the actor shaves off his moustache?" Stalin replies, "Good idea! First shave then shoot."

[Comrades Unite!]

Leonid Ilyich is in surgery." / "Heart again?" / "No, chest expansion surgery: to fit one more Gold Star medals

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

Ah, a chance to bring out my old favourite. I love it so much i'm gonna type it out... in meinem besten deutsch! ;)

Also, ein morgen sagt Honecker, "guten morgen, liebe sonne!" Und die sonne sagt, "guten morgen, liebe erich".

Und ins mittag, sagt Honecker, "guten tag, liebe sonne!" Und die sonne sagt auch, "guten tag, liebe Erich"

Also, ins abend, sagt Honecker, "guten abend, liebe sonne!" Aber die sonne sagt nicht!

Und wieder sagt honecker, guten abend, liebe sonne!?!?" Und die sonne sagt...."leck mich am arsch, jeden bin jetzt im Westen"

[Q]

Ah, a chance to bring out my old favourite. I love it so much i'm gonna type it out... in meinem besten deutsch! ;)

Also, ein morgen sagt Honecker, "guten morgen, liebe sonne!" Und die sonne sagt, "guten morgen, liebe erich".

Und ins mittag, sagt Honecker, "guten tag, liebe sonne!" Und die sonne sagt auch, "guten tag, liebe Erich"

Also, ins abend, sagt Honecker, "guten abend, liebe sonne!" Aber die sonne sagt nicht!

Und wieder sagt honecker, guten abend, liebe sonne!?!?" Und die sonne sagt...."leck mich am arsch, jeden bin jetzt im Westen"

Haha, that's nice.

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

Danke.

Wish I was good with languages, so long now i've been meaning to brush up on German. Lovely country.

[Q]

Classic lightbulb jokes:

How many reformists do you need to change the lightbulb?

Change it? Why not try and fix it?

How many anarchists do you need to change the lightbulb?

SMASH the lightbulb!

How many Trotskyists do you need to change the lightbulb?

Well, first you need to convene a pre-conference period in which factions may be formed to discuss the changing of the lightbulb. Then, the conference approves on a proposed discussion document on the state of the lightbulb written by the outgoing central committee and re-elects them as the new central committee. It is inevitable that the minority faction disagrees and decides to split to form the International Lightbulb Tendency and demands nuclear lightbulbs for the deformed workers state of north-lightbulbia. In the mean time, the majority will continue selling papers to clueless and uninterested workers about the glory that is lightbulbism and that we have to strike to force the government to nationalise the economy to achieve this.

Their decree: "Workers of the world, let there be light!"
Oh, uhm, what was I answering again?

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

or, "workers of the world give light, you have nothing to lose but your shades"?? :)

[Q]

or, "workers of the world give light, you have nothing to lose but your shades"?? :)

The Revolutionary Lightning Party has real issues with that.

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

Presumably my theoretical epiphany was a bolt from the blue for them?

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

Oh, more GDR jokes (soz Erich)...

A wealthy sheikh who has really shit taste in cars wants to buy a Trabant. He orders the best model, and is sent the brochure, which states that it normally takes 10 years to deliver the car (waiting lists and all that) in East Germany.

But the East Germans are keen to impress this dude and so they deliver the car after 1 week. The Sheikh wakes up that morning, sees the delivery and exclaims, "wow, this East German Socialism really is customer-orientated, they even send you a plastic model whilst you wait for the real thing to arrive!":lol:

[Ostrinski]

What do you call one Trotskyist?
A Trotskyist party.
What do you call two Trotskyists?
An international.
What do you call three Trotskyists?
A split.

[∞]

Whats shittier than these jokes? I don't know, they're pretty shitty.