Reactionary friends

[fug]

Ok, so, all of my friends and most people I know are like pretty reactionary. Eh, racist, anti-feminism/homosexuality/minorities and so on.
How do you deal with this? It can become bothersome to me...

[khad]

Here's a simple solution: don't be friends with them.

You'll forget 90% of their names, anyway, once you move on from high school/college. Guaranteed.

[Камо́ Зэд]

Here's echoing Comrade khad's sentiment: people who cling to those attitudes are not worth friendship.

[The Jay]

If you can change their minds, try. If you can't then drop em.

[fug]

Thing is, some of them are my old mates since childhood

[Crux]

My first tip would be to stand your ground, don't meet them half-way, don't pretend you think their positions are acceptable. It's not impossible to win people over. Another tip is try to have these discussions one on one, peer pressure often plays a role as well. If none of this helps, well, you have to draw the line somewhere. Thankfully for me, most of my old buddies seem to have moved to the left over the years, but I guess that makes me fairly lucky.

[helot]

I don't mean to be rude or anything but do you have an insular social circle that's made up solely of heterosexual white males? If not there will inevitably be a huge conflict around their reactionary views.

[Lenina Rosenweg]

Many high school students do have insular social circles. Generally that's party of the high school experience, at least in the US You grow up with a group of people and that's your world. After leaving school you most likely will lose touch with these people, no matter how close you feel you are now.

You may get to a stage where people with reactionary views will just be unpleasant to be around and you won't want to be friends with these people.I understand school can often be like a fishbowl. For now, stand your ground and don't give people you hang with the idea that reactionary hateful views are acceptable.

You may feel connected with people you've grown up with and this is understandable but its likely these kind of ties won't last the long haul.

[Ostrinski]

I have no friends. It's lonely on your own but it has its merits.

[#FF0000]

Let them know their shit is dumb. That has worked for me in the past. If they're still racist, sexist, homophobic, drop 'em.

That's what I do, anyway

[MustCrushCapitalism]

The majority of people I get along with tend to be liberals (in the American sense of the word).

[khad]

Thing is, some of them are my old mates since childhood
I don't speak to any of my childhood friends.

For better or for worse, outgrowing social circles is a part of life.

[fug]

I don't mean to be rude or anything but do you have an insular social circle that's made up solely of heterosexual white males?
Yes. There are almost no "non-whites" in my country and homosexuals get beaten up on the street, so coming out of the closet isn't an option for many of them.


For better or for worse, outgrowing social circles is a part of life.
Dunno. I wouldn't have any "friend", just mates and colleagues if I distanced myself from them.

[Камо́ Зэд]

All of my high school friends were obnoxiously liberal, in the Usonian sense. That is to say they adopted token "liberal" causes like environmental preservation, but their politics weren't so sophisticated that they were developing an analysis of capitalism's role in the plundering of the world's resources and the destruction of ecosystems. There was no acknowledgement of class whatsoever and a complete disregard for the predicament of the Usonian worker; they were infatuated with petty-bourgeois "activism." In retrospect, they didn't inspire much confidence; I would be quite surprised if even one of them ended up a social democrat. I reacted to this culture so mindlessly that I ended up cultivating and harboring the crudest fascistic sympathies until college. You're not likely to encounter the same problem, fortunately, as going in the exact opposite direction of reactionaries tends to be a good idea.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I'm still in contact with and occassionally hang out with my friends from childhood. I grew up in a very small community, though, and, although I travel a fair bit, still live there, so...

I'm glad I still have friends from childhood, though. Those people would hide me from the law if necessary. :sleep:

[StalinInAScarf]

Most of my reactionary friends came out of the closet a few days after school was over. :lol:

In my experience, some people voice views in fear of their parents.

[Ostrinski]

Now that I think about it, I've never kept contact with the same people for more than two or three years at one time. Never really realized that..

[whocooksforyou]

I don't mean to be rude or anything but do you have an insular social circle that's made up solely of heterosexual white males? If not there will inevitably be a huge conflict around their reactionary views.

I don't understand why you think that. In school I had a really mixed social circle demographically but bigoted ideas still dominated within it. I dislike the assumption that because someone is not a white or a male, than that makes them immune to the dominant prejudices in society. Actually I bet that for someone to even make that assumption, they almost certainly have to be a white male themselves, and one who has little contact with people who aren't white males, atleast outside of activist circles.

[whocooksforyou]

In response to the thread topic, I guess I will be the contrarian and disagree with the advice most people have given. We live in a world that runs on exploitation and oppresion and domination, and from birth we are steeped in ideas that normalise it. It seems like a horrible mistake for leftist to seal themselves off from their peers and live in some pc bubble where they only associate with people who are ideologically pure and miraculously untainted by the ruling ideas that gush from every pore of our society (and in many places, this may well mean not associating with anyone at all).

It isn't to say you should go along with it when your friends say bigotted or homophobic things ect., but there are ways you can let them know that your not cool with that without getting self-righteous and sermonising on the one hand, or disowning all your friends on the other.

I will add though that it is a different situation if you have a friend who is going out and actively victimising people for bigotted reasons. In this case I think you have a responsibility to confront them in a very direct way and, absent some subsequent act of exceptional self reflection on their part, to break off your friendship with them. But that is different then simply having prejudiced views.

[Yuppie Grinder]

I have tons of reactionary friends and have grown accostumed to the liberal use of the word faggot and disdain for feminism prevalent in young American males.
You don't convince people your political positions are correct by refusing to hang out with them. I have no Marxist friends and like 3 feminist ones 2 of which don't understand it very well.
I'd suggest living your life as an unbigoted person and leading by example.

[helot]

I don't understand why you think that. In school I had a really mixed social circle demographically but bigoted ideas still dominated within it. I dislike the assumption that because someone is not a white or a male, than that makes them immune to the dominant prejudices in society. Actually I bet that for someone to even make that assumption, they almost certainly have to be a white male themselves, and one who has little contact with people who aren't white males, atleast outside of activist circles.


I was under the assumption that the OP was in the US. I mentioned it precisely because i've exprienced a huge conflict due to racism and homophobia. It's why i'm no longer in touch with people i knew before 2009. I don't think that a social group with a mixture or races and sexualities yet several members with racist and homophobic views can continue without conflict.

[Ele'ill]

I've met people who I liked and will go out for a few pints with them. If they show that they are reactionary in some way it's usually out of ignorance and I'll talk to them about it because it came up and it's conversation. It's up to me to present my opinion (cause that's what they're basically asking for) on whatever topic, relationship, work, current events, and if they listen and genuinely care about my opinion I'll keep them as friends. If they continue to stand behind their poop positions I'll never talk to them again. Usually my opinion helps them out which is what I ultimately want cause I like them and I'm never rigidly political- it's always a fluent casual conversation and I think that's super important cause a lot of leftists get fucking weird and sound like they're recreating some fantastic political speech. I had a good friend who held liberallyish reactionary positions recently go back to college and through conversations where she approached me with questions has been reading a lot about anarchism. She'll call me up and make ties between what she's read or listened to and shit that's affecting her directly in her life. Most recently I sometimes won't have answers and she'll just vent and then call me up later with a solution and detailed theoretical analysis and it's just awesome.

[Comrade #138672]

Thing is, some of them are my old mates since childhoodSometimes you need to be tough.

[#FF0000]

There is a difference between being an ignorant teenager and saying faggot all day and being an actual ideological racist.

the former you sort of, yeah, lead by example, let them know that shit isn't cool. don't lecture but don't humor them.

i did have a rather close friend who dated a nazi and who i pretty much instantly severed ties with. that actually sorta felt like a betrayal.

[cynicles]

Most of my reactionary friends came out of the closet a few days after school was over. :lol:

In my experience, some people voice views in fear of their parents.
The lads doth protesteth too much mayhaps?

[Rottenfruit]

Ok, so, all of my friends and most people I know are like pretty reactionary. Eh, racist, anti-feminism/homosexuality/minorities and so on.
How do you deal with this? It can become bothersome to me...
Keep your friends just tell them you dont agree with them on that or this and you find this and that offensive, seriously DO NOT drop your friends over political issues, Isolation and lonyness has serious effects on your mental health

[feather canyons]

I have reactionary friends. The thing is, they're not very strongly political. They just casually don't like homosexuals, think the unemployed are ferals who should get a job, think there's too many immigrants, are afraid of communism, stuff like that. I'm able to have calm discussions with them about it, and sometimes enlighten them. If I had to dissociate will everyone who had reactionary ideas, well I'd have to start with my brother and parents. Hate the sin, not the sinner.

[Maize]

I'm in the same boat as feather canyons. I have a close few good friends that share many of my views, but I don't turn away friendships between reactionaries. I'm willing to speak up or defend my ideas if they say anything bigoted or hateful, or just plain wrong. As such, these types of people come and go in my life. It's worth the effort to just patiently add to discussions versus outright arguing. I can confidentially say that I've caused a few viewpoint turnarounds through earnest discussion.

In short, don't turn away reactionaries as a standard. You're by no means bound to make an impact, but even good acquaintances have a better crack at informing reactionary ignorance than just a a random co-worker/cousin/class mate.

[enlightened_ape2112]

It would depend on how they act. Are they still good friends to you? If so I would stick with them I actually cut off friends and family for political views and its very difficult and caused me to be severely depressed. But in my case I really had no choice because they actually verbally attacked for dating a non-white and I refuse to be treated that way. It really shocked me because I thought they would at least respect me enough to keep their mouths shut about who I was dating but obviously their idiotic racial views trumped friendship and family.

[Questionable]

It would depend on how they act. Are they still good friends to you? If so I would stick with them I actually cut off friends and family for political views and its very difficult and caused me to be severely depressed. But in my case I really had no choice because they actually verbally attacked for dating a non-white and I refuse to be treated that way. It really shocked me because I thought they would at least respect me enough to keep their mouths shut about who I was dating but obviously their idiotic racial views trumped friendship and family.

Those are some good thoughts comrade but I'm not sure if the topic poster is going to see them anymore...