Suggestions on Dealing with Classmates?

[Landsharks eat metal]

A few days ago, I started in a program at a tech school to study to become a veterinary assistant. I figured that since we are all post-high school, I would be able to avoid all the petty shit that I used to have problems with in the past. And I, personally, have. Since I don't know anybody in my class, I don't have a reputation for being weird or a nerd or whatever, so people actually talk to me and include me in things, which is nice.

However, there's a guy in my class [known as the only guy in the class because I haven't been open about my gender identity] that seems to be having problems that I understand so much and don't want anybody to have to go through. The first few days, some of my classmates sat with him in the cafeteria, but today, no one did. He was just sitting there doing his homework, so it didn't look like he minded, but I know that it doesn't mean anything. I was going to ask him to join with my group, but I was nervous to.

When my group finished eating and went outside, I kind of forgot about it and just enjoyed myself until the girls who had sat with him previously started talking about him. While I do agree that he looks a bit like a serial killer and seems to stare a bit creepily, it more seems like he might have problems with social skills and doesn't realize how he's coming across to people. I identify with him in that respect to. I tried telling everyone that we should try to include him in things, or at the very least, not talk about him behind his back, but no one was really interested in listening to me at that point.

I have no idea what to do. I would like to just start sitting with him myself, but I don't want to give him the wrong idea about my intentions, and I also enjoy being included in things for once. I can't just not do anything, either. If I tell the instructor, I will probably sound like a snitch, a busybody, or a suck-up. Does anybody have any idea how to help this situation?

[Ostrinski]

Be careful about coming across as feeling sorry for him or talking to him specifically because he sits alone.

While intentions are good, I used to be the other party in high school, and when people would come up to try to talk to me at lunch when I was alone or in a class that I didn't have friends in, well.. it can be easy to see through and it comes across as condescending.

[Landsharks eat metal]

Be careful about coming across as feeling sorry for him or talking to him specifically because he sits alone.

While intentions are good, I used to be the other party in high school, and when people would come up to try to talk to me at lunch when I was alone or in a class that I didn't have friends in, well.. it can be easy to see through and it comes across as condescending.

Thanks. That's a good point. Usually when this sort of thing would happen to me, I was just happy for the attention, whatever the other person's intentions were, but I shouldn't assume that others will be like me.

And some of what I want is to get to know him better, too, because he seems like he could be an interesting person.

[Ostrinski]

Thanks. That's a good point. Usually when this sort of thing would happen to me, I was just happy for the attention, whatever the other person's intentions were, but I shouldn't assume that others will be like me.

And some of what I want is to get to know him better, too, because he seems like he could be an interesting person.I think it'd be fine if you approached him and asked to sit next to him at lunch and tried to start up a conversation. You'll probably be able to tell through his body language and how he responds to you how he is receiving your attention.

[Landsharks eat metal]

Also, no matter how selfish this seems, I'm worried that everybody else will ostracize me if I spend time with him, then we would have this weird codependent relationship as the only ones who talked to each other...

[Comrade #138672]

I think you should talk to him too. Do not feel sorry for him though. I used to be just like that and I never felt sorry for myself. I still had self-respect. Talk to him because he intrigues you. He's probably hiding a lot of his personality. I bet there's a lot to discover. When he gets more comfortable with you, he may also be able to connect with other people with more ease.

[Comrade #138672]

Also, no matter how selfish this seems, I'm worried that everybody else will ostracize me if I spend time with him, then we would have this weird codependent relationship as the only ones who talked to each other...It seems that you have the required social skills. Do not ignore him or "everybody else".

[Landsharks eat metal]

Update: As selfish as it may or may not seem, I'm just letting the lunch thing go. I'm really enjoying being part of this little group and I enjoy spending time with them.

I have tried talking to this guy at other times though, and he doesn't seem to be particularly interested. Even when we literally have to talk to other people. When we're practicing skills, we need to get two classmates to watch us and sign off on it, but he just keeps walking around. I offered to practice with him today (even though I already had the required signatures for some of them), and it took a lot of coaxing to get him to do anything. And he needs someone else to sign his papers, not just me. He is making absolutely no effort to be included in things and I'm already tired of it, even though this was my first day working with him. I'm not really prepared to go around bugging my friends to help him, either.

I guess I could talk to the instructor, but that would probably be stupid because I bet she knows what's going on.