Marriage and Taking Another's Surname

[Magón]

So a friend of mine is getting married, and it got me thinking on the whole matter of taking someone's last name. Usually it's the wife who takes the husband's last name, but in some cases a man will take a woman's last name. It's not very common, but I have known it to happen, and for the most part a man will be ridiculed by other's for it. A guy I met once at a bachelor party actually, got ridiculed by some of the other guys, for taking his wife's last name.

Anyway, I was wondering what others thought on marriage and taking another person's name? Now obviously I understand some people's opinions on marriage here: the whole thing of marriage having been the buying of property, etc., so I'm not asking what marriage is all about, but more what if you were getting married personally.

If you were to theoretically get married, and say for the women on here, you asked the man to take your last name, what would your reaction be if he said no, and wanted you to take his last name, or would/do you care either way? Is it even something you'd ask, or make a deal of?

For the guys on here, what if you were marrying a woman, and she asked you to take her last name instead of the other way around? What would your reaction be? Would it be a big deal to you, if you walked around and people knew you'd taken your wife's last name?

[Book O'Dead]

I like it the way it is in Spain and Latin America: No one takes each others last name.

[Per Levy]

For the guys on here, what if you were marrying a woman, and she asked you to take her last name instead of the other way around?

been there done that, if my girl and i actually will marry i take her name. she really wants to keep her name and to me, whatever, its just a name and it would make her happy.

[Igor]

I like it the way it is in Spain and Latin America: No one takes each others last name.

It's not exactly gender neutral there, though, because the child will always get the first surname which is usually the paternal name. Same with other countries where married people don't get each other names; the child has to get some name and it's pretty much always the father's.

But yeah seriously, I would have no problems taking my wife's surname though, nor would I expect my wife to take mine ofc. Paternal naming traditions might not be the biggest problem patriarchy brings about but it's still a patriarchal tradition and shouldn't be a thing.

[Book O'Dead]

It's not exactly gender neutral there, though, because the child will always get the first surname which is usually the paternal name. Same with other countries where married people don't get each other names; the child has to get some name and it's pretty much always the father's.

But yeah seriously, I would have no problems taking my wife's surname though, nor would I expect my wife to take mine ofc. Paternal naming traditions might not be the biggest problem patriarchy brings about but it's still a patriarchal tradition and shouldn't be a thing.

What really burns me is how bourgeois women in America take on their husband's names in hyphenated form: "Hillary Rodham-Clinton".

I find that is a shameless affectation that many working class women adopt as soon as they think they've reach the mythical middle class!

[Igor]

What really burns me is how bourgeois women in America take on their husband's names in hyphenated form: "Hillary Rodham-Clinton".

I find that is a shameless affectation that many working class women adopt as soon as they think they've reach the mythical middle class!

I really can't see what's wrong with that.

[Magón]

I like it the way it is in Spain and Latin America: No one takes each others last name.

That has to do because they (man or woman,) already have two last names. Having another would just make them have one big ass name nobody wants to have to write down fully. Although if you asked a couple their name (Mr. and Mrs.?), the woman would likely say her husband's surname.

But more to my question, how would you feel if a woman you were marrying, wanted you to take her surname?

[Brosa Luxemburg]

For the guys on here, what if you were marrying a woman, and she asked you to take her last name instead of the other way around? What would your reaction be? Would it be a big deal to you, if you walked around and people knew you'd taken your wife's last name?

Personally, I couldn't give a shit either way on the issue. It would be whatever she wanted, really.

[Welshy]

Since I want to keep my last name, it would make no sense for me to want to deny my future spouse (if I end up getting married that is) that same ability. So I would prefer that my spouse keeps their family name and then either hyphenate the last name for the children or discuss whose name they take when the time arises.

[Quail]

I don't intend to get married anyway, but hypothetically if I were to get married for whatever reason I would want to keep my name. My name is part of my identity and I wouldn't want to become "Mrs (My partner's name)."

As for children, my son just has my surname (although I did consider giving him his father's name as well, I can't remember why we didn't), and although I haven't discussed the names of future children with my current partner yet, I would probably want to give them both names and I suppose we'd discuss which order to put them in and then the child could potentially go by whichever.

[RedHammer]

More and more men are taking the woman's surname. I'm not married, but If I did get married, I'd probably take my wife's name.

Why not?

[Dennis the 'Bloody Peasant']

Getting married in a couple of weeks, she wants to take my name, wouldn't mind either way.

[brengunn]

I could'nt take a wife's name, it seems a bit limp wristed, to me. That's not to say I agree with the husbands name being passed on, just that one name given prominence signifies submission on the part of the other spouse.

The hyphenated name has an unpleasant upper-class power broking ring to it. Or a wannabe upper-class ring to it, which is just as bad.

Personally, I'd go for an amalgamation. Bill and Hillary Clinham, anyone.

[helot]

I wouldn't take my partner's name. It's my familial name why would i want to drop it? Of course i wouldn't expect my partner to take my name. She's very fond of her name.

[Nox]

I wouldn't take my partner's name. She could take my name if she wanted. I don't really care.

Note: This partner doesn't exist yet

[Zav]

If someone wanted me to adopt hir name just because we got married then there would be an immediate filing of divorce papers. The same would apply if ze wanted to take my name. Either we keep our names, or we both choose a new one.


I wouldn't take my partner's name. She could take my name if she wanted. I don't really care.

Note: This partner doesn't exist yet
I'll be your partner if you're as big as you say you are.;)
Also I lolled at your user title. Still recovering, I gather?

[MaximMK]

People that consider that the woman must always take the mans name are just conservatives that cannot get past old traditions. You don't even have to do it, you can just both keep your previous last names its all up to you and what you want to do. There is no reasonable reason why not to.

[Igor]

If someone wanted me to adopt hir name just because we got married then there would be an immediate filing of divorce papers. The same would apply if ze wanted to take my name. Either we keep our names, or we both choose a new one.

offtopic yeah but i've never really gotten why people can't just use they/them as gender neutral pronoun, it's pretty widely accepted and is usually pretty obvious from context that it's not in fact plural. all the ze/xhe/xe stuff just sounds really odd and kind of out of place imho

[helot]

If someone wanted me to adopt hir name just because we got married then there would be an immediate filing of divorce papers. The same would apply if ze wanted to take my name. Either we keep our names, or we both choose a new one.


Both choosing a new one is quite interesting. Symbolically it appears to be far greater than either party adopting the other's name.

[brigadista]

where is anyone given a name other than their father's?

[Magón]

where is anyone given a name other than their father's?

Mexico and other Spanish speaking nations, have their mother's last name too, not just their fathers. It usually goes: First Name, Father's last name, Mother's last name, but when introducing themselves or being introduced, the person doesn't say, "I'm Miss/Mr. *Insert Mother's last name*," It'd be Miss/Mr. *Insert Father's last name and Mother's last name*.

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

My girlfriend and I said that we won't take each others' surnames.

Dunno about the children, though.

[Igor]

I actually kind of like the idea of merging names or taking up a new name altogether, it definitely is a lot more symbolic than just one taking the other's name and would quite easily solve the problem of naming the child.

Just that in my case it would probably have to be a new name altogether because I can't think a single combination where parts of my surname would sound good

[bcbm]

marriage seems so alien to me

[Yuppie Grinder]

I would feel very uncomfortable taking someone else's surname. It's a sign of submission to me. I wouldn't want them taking my surname either, though.

[MrCool]

For the guys on here, what if you were marrying a woman, and she asked you to take her last name instead of the other way around?

Considering that my family is the only one in the world with our last name, i'd try to talk the woman out of it. Currently i am the last one in the world to transfer our last name to the next generation.

Little off-topic, but anyway: My Great-Grandmother had her name mispelled (completely transformed) by a soviet gulag officer, probably because the original name sounds like a german name. My Great-Grandmother told the officer about it, and the officer replied: "Do you want to be transferred to baltic, or not?"

So a soviet gulag officer in 1940 invended my last name. :)

[Jazzratt]

It's 2012 and we still give a toss?

[Positivist]

Getting married in a couple of weeks, she wants to take my name, wouldn't mind either way.

Congrats!

[Jesus Saves Gretzky Scores]

Getting married in a couple of weeks, she wants to take my name, wouldn't mind either way.

Congrats!

[Jesus Saves Gretzky Scores]

I agree with most here. I wouldn't want to change my name, and I would want my partner to do whatever they want.

[X5N]

What I find far more annoying is how kids always get their father's last name, even if the mother has kept her own name.

Both traditions are very sexist. And I find it annoying how compliant so many people are with them.

[Jazzratt]

What I find far more annoying is how kids always get their father's last name, even if the mother has kept her own name.
The arrangement I've most often seen when a woman keeps her own name is double-barreling followed by using the man's last name for any male children and the woman's for any female ones.

The whole thing is quite silly, though.

[mew]

i look forward to taking my husband's name some day.
i don't understand about hyphenation... what happens if your daughter wants to hyphenate too, when/if she gets married? Three last names? I guess that's normal in some countries, but in the US it'd be weird and impractical. Also I don't understand hyphenating as some sort of push for equality. Men generally don't hyphenate so it's not really equal. Some people I know when they got married created a new last name and they both took it. That seems nice.

[X5N]

The arrangement I've most often seen when a woman keeps her own name is double-barreling followed by using the man's last name for any male children and the woman's for any female ones.

The whole thing is quite silly, though.

Personally, I advocate just abolishing all hereditary surnames.

[Regicollis]

My girlfriend and I are planning to marry once we get the right kind of money for it. She wants to take my surname because of tradition and because her surname is a quite generic one while mine is only found in my family.

I wouldn't like to change my name though. My great great grandfather paid good money to have that posh let's-pretend-we-are-nobility name and it's part of my identity. I also wouldn't care if my girlfriend wanted to keep her surname. Her changing her name or not will not change anything for me.

Our daughter has my surname and my girlfriends' middle name - which is also a single-family name. So she carries on both of our names.

[Jazzratt]

Personally, I advocate just abolishing all hereditary surnames.
Honestly so much irrelevant bollocks surrounds surnames that if they didn't serve a purpose (primarily, these days, as a way of differentiating between people with the same forename) I'd just not bother with them. A self-selected surname chosen at the age of majority would be a pretty cool way of doing things, in my opinion.

[Aristophenes McTwitch]

I wouldn't do it for matters more personal than anything else.

[Luís Henrique]

I like it the way it is in Spain and Latin America: No one takes each others last name.

Er... Cristina Elisabet Fernández de Kirchner?

A wife taking her husband's last name is pretty much the rule in Latin America. Yes, it is slowly eroding. The emphasis however is in the adverb...

Luís Henrique