Concerns with my Interracial relationship

[Engel]

Well, in the time that I've been off this site somethings have developed in my life. The major one being that I met my current girlfriend who is a intelligent, beautiful and loving individual (and and anarcho-socialist to boot!). Basically, she is the most wonderful person I have met. :) Yet there are some concerns that we both share, even though our concerns are directed at different aspects.

She is a first generation American of Sierra Leonean ancestry and I am a German/Czech American and considering we live in Texas, this is kinda an issue. I just kinda want to know what to expect from the populous at large. I do expect some people to stare and a few to even make a slur at us for being a couple but is the possibility of physical assault/harassment a real concern here? She tends to worry about this more as she expects that I would be the one to bear the blunt of the criticism and that makes her feel guilty for "putting" me in that predicament.

The concern I have in addition to that is if we ever got married and had kids. I'm not sure how to really come to terms with the fact that if me and her had kids, they probably wouldn't bear too much resemblance to me and they would likely face the problem many interracial children do with their identity. The fact of the matter is that they would have a mixed heritage and being conscious of both their European and African roots may be conflicting. Additionally, we have the hurdle to overcome that we are both no religious (I am an atheist and she is agnostic) and that both of our parents are pretty serious about that Jesus guy. I am sorry if I have been too concerned about my own personal matters here comrades but I hope you all understand.

[Hit The North]

Hell, you can either capitulate to racism or you can be with the one you love. Same thing with the Jesus lovers. If this woman is the most wonderful person you've met then you should do whatever it takes. Fuck the bigots.

[TheRedJew]

love wins

[Comrade Trollface]

As always, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. For the time being take some self defense classes and perhaps even arm yourselves. From what I gather, its easier to get a conceal-carry permit in Texas than in most places, right? If it gets really serious and you find that you experience constant harassment, consider if it might not be worth it to move to a place with less brazen bigots running about.

Real love is sometimes worth crossing state lines for.

[Manic Impressive]

You live in Texas so I assume you should know more about the level of discrimination you will face there than anyone else. Anyway Texas isn't the only place in the world, you could always move to a more tolerant state....... like Arizona :p

[Firebrand]

As regards the kids, I like to think of having a mixed heritage as a bonus, more culture to choose from and the food is way better.

[Red Commissar]

From my experience in Texas, while you might get some stares when you are out and about, but there's really no "hate" in the cities and even the surronding suburbs. I mean unless you're in one of those really rural areas in between Houston and DFW you really won't get harrassed in the way it was back then. Plus, people usually get more worked up over the opposite- black male and white female, but even then in my experience it's not to the point of harassment and living hell.

Simply put it's more accepted than it was even 10 years back. I went to school in a pretty "conservative" suburb of Dallas and it wasn't unheard of or shocking to see interracial couples in high school, and as I go to unverisity it is the same thing. Going around the community in my usual routes it's not something people are ashamed of showing or intimidated into hiding.

The main issue honestly you'll have to overcome is within your own families if you intend on making this a serious thing, like any relationship.

As to your concern with kids, I have no experience with that but I don't think the cultural issue is as big an issue as you might think it is. One thing at a time though.

[aquaruis15000]

Wow, I almost forgot such reactionary backwaters still exist. It is hard for me to believe this is even an issue. Where I am from there are probably more mixed couples than non. Sorry to use the word mixed. I do not know what else to say. The reality is that race is an ideological construction utilized by capitalism. On a natural and biological level a mixed couple is no different than a brown mouse and a gray mouse. Lucky for them that our esteemed rodent friends have a higher acceptance of this than our so-called mighty species.

[aquaruis15000]

I do not think there is any real Black culture or White culture. I do not think Obama and Herman Cain share some kind of close bond with the average black truck driver. They are much closer to the rich elite they represent. Blacks and white in the United States share a language, live together, work the same jobs, get their food from the same places. American Blacks can only refer to the standard culture as a basis, since they were torn from various parts of Africa with no connections or knowledge left over to build from. American Blacks live in American cities, watch American television and eat American foods.

This is not like the Maori in New Zealand.

I could be wrong.

[Sea]

Ebony and ivory, so what? I doubt you'll get much flack for it lest you go to the Bush ranch (he doesn't care about black people), and stop worrying about popping out a zebra. It's no big deal. I'm surprised you have any concern about racial "identity" at all.

[brigadista]

move to the carribbean...:)

but seriously --good luck with it- hope you are both very happy

[homegrown terror]

if you go into it looking for trouble before any actually presents itself, the relationship is doomed to fail right from the start. just try to enjoy yourselves, and each other, until you see something to actually worry about.

[citizen of industry]

I'm not sure how to really come to terms with the fact that if me and her had kids, they probably wouldn't bear too much resemblance to me and they would likely face the problem many interracial children do with their identity. The fact of the matter is that they would have a mixed heritage and being conscious of both their European and African roots may be conflicting.

On the contrary, they will resemble both you and her and have a very rich multi-cultural identity. Think of it more like double than half.

[aquaruis15000]

I would think that a communist would want to abolish "cultural identity" all together.

[Comrade Trollface]

I would think that a communist would want to abolish "cultural identity" all together.There is no such thing as the abolition of cultural identity. Anyone who tells you that is what they want simply wants to impose their 'default' cultural identity on everyone else. This is cultural imperialism in sheep's clothing. We don't need such 'communism.'

[MrCool]

You're not dating for the populous, you're dating for each other.

And as for the kids, mixed roots give a larger cultural "starting point" for future opportunities. (Said by an Finnish-Estonian-Russian :rolleyes:)

[A Revolutionary Tool]

If it's really an issue where you live, and there are parts of Texas that it is, move to somewhere like Antonio where it's not really an issue. From what I've heard Antonio has a large gay and somewhat thriving atheist community so it wouldn't be an issue there probably.

[Raúl Duke]

Move to Puerto Rico or move to NJ or NY.

[Misanthrope]

I'm jealous.. she sounds perfect

[aquaruis15000]

There is no such thing as the abolition of cultural identity. Anyone who tells you that is what they want simply wants to impose their 'default' cultural identity on everyone else. This is cultural imperialism in sheep's clothing. We don't need such 'communism.'

There is no such thing as cultural identity, because race and culture are constructed by social orders and are not genuine to humans. A Chinese baby taken to Montana and raised by white farmers would have their "cultural identity," but would never be considered "white." This proves it.

If you are Chinese you don't have to eat rice. If you're American you don't have to eat hamburgers. Not all Black people are eating some certain food or talking some certain way.

[The Red Black]

Why yo denying her da rite to a black BF?

[Engel]

Ebony and ivory, so what? I doubt you'll get much flack for it lest you go to the Bush ranch (he doesn't care about black people), and stop worrying about popping out a zebra. It's no big deal. I'm surprised you have any concern about racial "identity" at all.

I myself don't really like the term "racial identity". I do have an ethnic identity which is German but saying that I identified as "white" is a very broad blanket statement that wouldn't be entirely accurate. I am proud of my cultural heritage as a German of Pomeranian/East Prussian descent. At the same time though, I regard others cultures with respect and by no means consider mine above anyone else. Saying that I had a "white" identity comes across as a little too scumfrontish for my liking, imo.

[Engel]

I'm jealous.. she sounds perfect
She really is. I consider myself lucky to be with her in any capacity. :)

[Engel]

Wow, I almost forgot such reactionary backwaters still exist. It is hard for me to believe this is even an issue. Where I am from there are probably more mixed couples than non. Sorry to use the word mixed. I do not know what else to say. The reality is that race is an ideological construction utilized by capitalism. On a natural and biological level a mixed couple is no different than a brown mouse and a gray mouse. Lucky for them that our esteemed rodent friends have a higher acceptance of this than our so-called mighty species.

Such backwaters do exist, although I would say East Texas and North Louisiana are far worse than where I live. Even my home state of Oklahoma, despite how conservative it is, is generally very tolerant of this type of thing considering everyone knows someone who is descended from a Native American/European marriage there.

[aquaruis15000]

Just wear a Stalin shirt and a hammer and sickle pin on a hat and you should be okay.

[Engel]

Just wear a Stalin shirt and a hammer and sickle pin on a hat and you should be okay.

Do you want me to get shot? I don't think I will do much good for the causes I represent if I am dead. Then again, I did wear my DDR (East Germany) ushanka out and got complimented for it by several people and even hit on by a cute red-head store clerk. In Texas! :laugh:

[Ingraham Effingham]

I'm in a similar situation. You'll, at the very least, have to grow a stomach for the occasional ignorant joke and off-hand remark from a random Muggle on the street.

[Engel]

Good advice but because you used the word muggle, I must ask...http://www.myfacewhen.net/uploads/101-are-you-a-wizard.jpg

[aquaruis15000]

I'm in a similar situation. You'll at least have to grow a stomach for ignorant jokes and off-hand remarks from random Muggles on the street occasionally.

Is that real? I can't believe that shit. In 2012? You should punch those mother fuckers in the mouth. Directly.

[Deicide]

I used to date a Chinese girl. I never got any hate from anyone. But she did, from other Chinese, as dating a white guy is looked down upon.

[Engel]

I used to date a Chinese girl. I never got any hate from anyone. But she did, from other Chinese, as dating a white guy is looked down upon.
Again, racists are not just white. You can easily be black, East Asian, etc. and still be racist. Especially if your girl was a first generation immigrant, Asian parents tend to prefer that their son or daughter marries someone of the same ethnic group. Or so I'm told.

[aquaruis15000]

Depends on the parents really. And the place. It's normally considered a "step up" in the Philippines and Indonesia.

[Ingraham Effingham]

Is that real? I can't believe that shit. In 2012? You should punch those mother fuckers in the mouth. Directly.

It's not really purposefully hateful or too direct. It's the ignorance behind it that's offensive, not the meaning.

Walking down the street with my wife of Korean descent, a black guy comes up to me and says "My man's got himself a Chinese girlfriend, he knows what's up."

Or the angry glare from 80-year-old Chinese people if we hang out in Chinatown, since they probably assume that this wai-guo here has snatched up a Chinese mail order bride.

[Engel]

"My man's got himself a Chinese girlfriend, he knows what's up."
Or the angry glare from 80-year-old Chinese people if we hang out in Chinatown, since they probably assume that this wai-guo here has snatched up a Chinese mail order bride.

First off, that has to be one of the most ignorant statements of all time by that guy. I assume he believes that Asian females are somehow more submissive of something? Also, I would believe that the Chinese could tell the difference between themselves and a Korean. They do have different appearances you know.

[Ingraham Effingham]

First off, that has to be one of the most ignorant statements of all time by that guy. I assume he believes that Asian females are somehow more submissive of something? Also, I would believe that the Chinese could tell the difference between themselves and a Korean. They do have different appearances you know.

Exactly the types of things you'll have to let run off your shoulders. No fists or strongly worded argument from a guy on the street (you) will teach them, if they haven't learned already.

My wife has been told that she looks more chinese than korean in appearance by many different people, so that explains (but not excuses) it. Especially tough when chinese people try to speak canto to her, and she no habla, then they assume shes an adopted 'twinkie' or whatever, a whole 'nother area of generalizations and sterotyping.

Anytime you stray from a ethnically homogenous landscape, you'll have to deal with some level of ignorance. As somebody posted above you can either let it fuck up your christmas, or just let it slide and keep in mind that this tacky mentality is in it's death throes (hopefully) in more civilized places. But there are limits to that theory too; some shit you can't let stand. I haven' seen that yet though.

Sorry,
Muggles is the default term my and my friends use for the average person, that just 'doesn't get it.' Elitist, I know, but its more polite than other phrases.

[Engel]

Exactly the types of things you'll have to let run off your shoulders. No fists or strongly worded argument from a guy on the street (you) will teach them, if they haven't learned already.

My wife has been told that she looks more chinese than korean in appearance by many different people, so that explains (but not excuses) it. Especially tough when chinese people try to speak canto to her, and she no habla, then they assume shes an adopted 'twinkie' or whatever, a whole 'nother area of generalizations and sterotyping.

Anytime you stray from a ethnically homogenous landscape, you'll have to deal with some level of ignorance. As somebody posted above you can either let it fuck up your christmas, or just let it slide and keep in mind that this tacky mentality is in it's death throes (hopefully) in more civilized places. But there are limits to that theory too; some shit you can't let stand. I haven' seen that yet though.

Sorry,
Muggles is the default term my and my friends use for the average person, that just 'doesn't get it.' Elitist, I know, but its more polite than other phrases.
Is she perhaps descended from Koreans from the border region of North Korea with China? If so, then that would explain a lot. And the adopted "twinkie" sentiment of those individuals really offends me as my cousins Kim and Kelly are ethnic Koreans who were adopted by my white aunt and uncle, who acknowledge them as their daughters despite sharing no biological connection. It's not like they don't know their Korean heritage, they do (hell, Kelly even has a "Made in Korea" tattoo on her ankle) but they were raised by white American parents so naturally they have adopted some of their mannerisms.

[MarxSchmarx]

The concern I have in addition to that is if we ever got married and had kids. I'm not sure how to really come to terms with the fact that if me and her had
kids, they probably wouldn't bear too much resemblance to me and they would likely face the problem many interracial children do with their identity. The fact of the matter is that they would have a mixed heritage and being conscious of both their European and African roots may be conflicting. Additionally, we have the hurdle to overcome that we are both no religious (I am an atheist and she is agnostic) and that both of our parents are pretty serious about that Jesus guy. I am sorry if I have been too concerned about my own personal matters here comrades but I hope you all understand.

I don't mean to be dismissive, but let me get this straight. You joined revleft in Aug 2011, so you've been dating a couple months and you're worrying about the identity issues of children you may have with this woman?

Anyway it's all somewhat cold comfort, but you are right your kids will be seen as black so long as you live in Texas or pretty much anywhere; even in west Africa they will just be "less black" rather than white. That means some people will make hosts of negative assumptions about them and they will have some major difficulties well into adulthood you as a white person simply won't be able to relate to. They may also have to contend with the reality blacks with close ties to africa are doubly distant from the prevailing black culture in the United States. But really just think of it this way: if you have a daughter with a white woman, say, you will also simply be unable to be of much help in some areas simply because you are a man.

[Sea]

I myself don't really like the term "racial identity". I do have an ethnic identity which is German but saying that I identified as "white" is a very broad blanket statement that wouldn't be entirely accurate. I am proud of my cultural heritage as a German of Pomeranian/East Prussian descent. At the same time though, I regard others cultures with respect and by no means consider mine above anyone else. Saying that I had a "white" identity comes across as a little too scumfrontish for my liking, imo.
Stop this. Just stop.

You're proud of something you did nothing to achieve? For that matter, you're proud?

You have an ethnic identity? Really? So it is a virtue that you be from the bloodline you are? I don't care if you treat other cultures "with respect" (same justification for Liberia). The very idea that ethnicity (or race or sexuality or gender etc for that matter) should have a social significance, even only to yourself, is horrid.

Excuse me if I seem harsh to you. I'm damn harsh to some of your ideas, but I don't mean to cause offense to you.

[Rottenfruit]

Well, in the time that I've been off this site somethings have developed in my life. The major one being that I met my current girlfriend who is a intelligent, beautiful and loving individual (and and anarcho-socialist to boot!). Basically, she is the most wonderful person I have met. :) Yet there are some concerns that we both share, even though our concerns are directed at different aspects.

She is a first generation American of Sierra Leonean ancestry and I am a German/Czech American and considering we live in Texas, this is kinda an issue. I just kinda want to know what to expect from the populous at large. I do expect some people to stare and a few to even make a slur at us for being a couple but is the possibility of physical assault/harassment a real concern here? She tends to worry about this more as she expects that I would be the one to bear the blunt of the criticism and that makes her feel guilty for "putting" me in that predicament.

The concern I have in addition to that is if we ever got married and had kids. I'm not sure how to really come to terms with the fact that if me and her had kids, they probably wouldn't bear too much resemblance to me and they would likely face the problem many interracial children do with their identity. The fact of the matter is that they would have a mixed heritage and being conscious of both their European and African roots may be conflicting. Additionally, we have the hurdle to overcome that we are both no religious (I am an atheist and she is agnostic) and that both of our parents are pretty serious about that Jesus guy. I am sorry if I have been too concerned about my own personal matters here comrades but I hope you all understand.
If you are serious about her and you want to be with her and have kids with her but not just a short fling then YES BY ALL MEANS DONT LET RACISM DESTROY THAT OR HINDER YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN ANYWAY,
I dont thing the atheist part will a problem, just dont be all preachy and a total dick to her like Sam Harris and other new atheist douchebags
The police is pretty quick to crack down on hate crime in Usa ive heard and i would contact in such a case the police and anti racist groups in your area if such a thing happends

[mew]

my white brother had a baby with a latina woman and the baby looks a lot more like him.

[MaximMK]

Screw the racists don't let them get in your way. I myself am a child of an international marriage and l have a normal life. And the children don't have to identify if you worry about that. I consider myself human and that is all the identity i need i don't care about race or nationality. If you agree with each other than there shouldn't be problems you'll be there to help the kids if they have any problems too.