Abusive relationship: a friend of mine

[Brosip Tito]

An ex-girlfriend/current friend of mine has told me that her boyfriend used to get violent, and now he only throws things and yells at the top of his lungs at her.

She's only 17, almost 18, and is having trouble with her parents, so she stays with this guy most of the time.

I need advice to help her...

[Deicide]

He'll get violent again no doubt, they always do. The only advice is to leave this very, very, very bad person. But I'll take a guess.. she doesn't want to.

[MustCrushCapitalism]

What to do in this kind of scenario is obviously to leave her boyfriend and live somewhere else - if only it were so easy. You could offer her to live in an extra room or something wherever you live, if you have one, although that could come off the wrong way.

Tough situation, especially with the parents factor.

[Brosip Tito]

I forgot to mention that economic abuse is a factor. He helps her out financially and uses it to control her, and uses it against her when she does something he disapproves of.

She never explicitly said she doesn't want to, or wont leave him.

She mentioned how she loves him, but didn't get defensive when i suggested she leave, she just kept talking about the situation, and whatnot.

I'd love to help her out by giving her a placve to stay, but I can't. My apartment is puny and occupied by me, my girlfriend and baby. My girlfriend isn't particularly fond of her either.

So, I told her I'd get her the information she needs to sign up for welfare, and get into contact with the government services which help women in abusive relationships. She accepted the offer for me to do that.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

That would be awesome for you to help her get out of the situation. My foster-sister was in that situation not too long ago. She took her stuff and went to a abused women's shelter. Maybe this girl can do the same. And then once she's gone she has to try and become as independent as she possibly can or she might want to go back to him because she'll feel like she "needs" him.

Once she is more independent and they start talking again(which usually happens for some reason) she has more leverage to say "I don't need you, I can take care of myself without you. If I decide that you will be part of my life again this is how it's going to be..." She should never talk to him again but I don't know why, every time I've seen a girl in this situation they always seem to at least try to talk to the guy again.

[Left Leanings]

The guy will more than likely be violent again, the hard man that he is, hitting a woman. And having things thrown at you, and yelled at, is still very abusive and frightening.

What amazes me in these situations, is the onus is always on the woman to do something about it. I posted a thread the other week about 19,000 woman in the UK having to flee their homes, due to domestic violence.

I think when men act out violently like this, they should be flung out of their homes, whether they own it/pay the rent or not, and the woman stay in place, and receive financial support from the state.

The best advice is already outlined above. Go to a refuge for battered women, and try and put in a claim for welfare. Achieving this can be hard enough in and of itself, though.

One of the main problems is her emotional attachment to him. I think men like this are not fit for purpose, and there's somebody out there better to love.

[Luís Henrique]

She's only 17, almost 18, and is having trouble with her parents, so she stays with this guy most of the time.

Does her trouble with her parents include said parents throwing things and/or yelling at her?

Luís Henrique

[Book O'Dead]

Does her trouble with her parents include said parents throwing things and/or yelling at her?

Luís Henrique

I'm with Luis on this one. If the answer to his question is "no" I would suggest she go back to her parents where she is at least physically safe from assault.

[Raúl Duke]

These situations are so complex and tricky...

[NorwegianCommunist]

I forgot to mention that economic abuse is a factor. He helps her out financially and uses it to control her, and uses it against her when she does something he disapproves of.

She never explicitly said she doesn't want to, or wont leave him.

She mentioned how she loves him, but didn't get defensive when i suggested she leave, she just kept talking about the situation, and whatnot.

I'd love to help her out by giving her a placve to stay, but I can't. My apartment is puny and occupied by me, my girlfriend and baby. My girlfriend isn't particularly fond of her either.

So, I told her I'd get her the information she needs to sign up for welfare, and get into contact with the government services which help women in abusive relationships. She accepted the offer for me to do that.


Maybe some find this suggestion to be stupid, but continue to encourage her to leave him.
No money can justify a violent man in the relationship.
This is something girls live through everywhere so please help her with it! :crying:

[Nox]

Tell her to dump his ass immediately. Tell her to communicate with her parents about the problems she is having with her "boyfriend", they will understand and let her stay at home. If not, then she should have at least one friend willing to let he stay at their place for a while... Also, she could look for a new boyfriend but of course that would depend on how attached she is to the abusive prick.