Thoughts on "who would choose to be this way" in reference to being queer?

[isaacston]

I'm queer, and one thing I hear a lot of as an argument FOR gay marriage is "But why would ANYONE choose to be this way?" I would most certainly choose to stay queer, I wouldn't choose to be heterosexual if I had the choice. It seems like when queer people say this, they've internalized the shame and heterosexism that comes from, well, heterosexist society.

The answer I'd take would be, "No, I didn't choose this, but even if I had, why would it matter?"

How about you?

[Quail]

I think what people mean is, "Why would anyone choose not to be heterosexual in a homophobic world? Why would they choose the harassment/discrimination/etc?"

[Positivist]

Yea I can see the oftensiveness. I'm heterosexual but I can see how that would be hurtful. An equally valid question would be 'why would anyone choose to be heterosexual?' I understand that people may rationally decide to mate in order to continue the population but I can't imagine actually choosing to be attracted to any specific gender. I believe that most people saying this are using this as an argument for the naturalness of homosexuality but all it does is enforce negative stigmas.

[Tenka]

I think what people mean is, "Why would anyone choose not to be heterosexual in a homophobic world? Why would they choose the harassment/discrimination/etc?"

Well let's say it was within my means to do away completely with my homosexual feelings, hypothetically. Would I?
No, because the aforementioned homophobic world is sick and it needs to understand this as well as I do.

I agree with the OP's sentiments.

[Left Leanings]

I am bisexual. It's what I am. You fancy who you fancy. It's the homophobic society that needs to change, not us.

[Quail]

Well let's say it was within my means to do away completely with my homosexual feelings, hypothetically. Would I?
No, because the aforementioned homophobic world is sick and it needs to understand this as well as I do.

I agree with the OP's sentiments.
I'm not disputing that it's the world that needs to change.

[Cirno(9)]

I agree with the OP.

People that overly-emphasis the "born this way" idea somewhat feel like they're being defensive about their sexuality. I've noticed that even the right-wing has embraced that idea, they just choose to treat it as a species of mental disorder.
I'm attracted both ways and while I don't "choose" to find a member of the same sex attractive, I liken the feeling more to not being able to "choose" whether you think a given object is "large" or "small".
Emphasizing the lack of choice makes it seem like a decision you would change if you had the ability to and while that might be ok in during the very beginning of a social movement, it's not appropriate for the long run. What that results in is mere 'tolerance' and mere tolerance should never be the main goal for social liberation.




Oh and also the essentialism present in the "born this way" ideology doesn't correspond to how sexuality actually works. Humanity is not divided into a three caste system of "Homosexual, Bisexual and Heterosexual" and people's sexualities (in the sense of the gender one is attracted to) can change throughout their life.

[Valdyr]

I would absolutely choose to be queer if I could, for the same reason I would choose to revolt as a worker even if I could "choose" to just bear it, as the manufactured "consent" of capitalists supposes.

The focus on the "it isn't out fault" rhetoric is disturbingly conservative, not because it is false per se, but because of the focus on the lack of choice of the matter. This implicitly assents to the medicalization of sexuality, which was of course progressive relative to the mystical freely chosen sin of feudalism, but now just leaves a space for people to go "well, if it is some inborn condition, what if we found a way to cure it?"

We need to unequivocally support sexual liberation, as sexual repression is an instrument of bourgeois control, not just plead for sympathy from out heterosexual masters because we "can't help it."

[Landsharks eat metal]

I have no problem with me being bisexual, but if I could choose to be comfortable with my birth sex (and not just because of being in denial or having some asswipe convince me of it), I would :(

[TheGodlessUtopian]

I'm queer, and one thing I hear a lot of as an argument FOR gay marriage is "But why would ANYONE choose to be this way?" I would most certainly choose to stay queer, I wouldn't choose to be heterosexual if I had the choice. It seems like when queer people say this, they've internalized the shame and heterosexism that comes from, well, heterosexist society.

I defend the born this way argument because it is the only theory which actually explains the origins of queerness. I seriously doubt many people defend it from the position of: it wasn't our fault. Most, that I know of anyway, defend it from: Uh, I was born this way and had these feelings ever since I could remember.

You still have to explain how such views originated in queer people who have "internalized" heterosexism.

Still, you fail to take into account practical strategy on organization and the fact that surveys have indicated,time and time again, that many heterosexual people would not support gay marriage unless such people were,100%, born that way. The average majority would never accept anything less than complete biological determination.

[Vapaus]

While that line of argument might have once made sense in convincing people that queerness is not a choice...I think it's been way overused and can seem a bit offensive at times, even coming from well-intentioned heterosexual people...

I don't know any well-adjusted LGBTQ person who would choose to stop being who they are so they could just become straight...I certainly wouldn't give up being bisexual if I could...the only people who seem to really have that mentality are the self-haters who have been brainwashed by religious rhetoric, and often are psychologically damaged further by putting themselves through 'ex-gay' ministries and other nonsense.

But especially here, I think if you choose to identify politically with the 'revolutionary Left', you're probably not the sort of person who's overly concerned about mainstream acceptance in the first place....