What the fuck am I doing?

[StockholmSyndrome]

I need to let this out. After struggling to find work I have taken up a series of temporary contracts for the past year. Recently, I have been working steadily at the same government consulting company, and just today I was assigned a good deal of responsibility regarding a USAID contract proposal that will focus on strengthening civil society organizations in post-war Iraq. This company I am working for is a major USAID contractor around the world, doing the work necessary to make the world safe for imperialism. They supported the contras in Nicaragua, and they were instrumental in the military coup which overthrew Aristide in Haiti. I can't quit my job because I need it, but I don't know if I can live with myself if I work here. I know it is irrational and smacks of lifestylism/anti-workerism to condemn people (or myself) based on what sector or company they work for, but I still cannot feel comfortable working here. Is there any way that I can justify doing this job?

[daft punk]

You can't escape the capitalist system. Ok some jobs are worse than others, but a job is a job. One of my best mates works in defence, you should see the shit I give him! Actually when I was young my company sent me to work in defence for a while, making bombs, nice. Just focus on any positive aspects you can see and stick it out for now. Not your fault they supported the contras. Most big companies have dirt and blood on their hands one way or another.

[TheGodlessUtopian]

What would you do if you quit? Go work at Wal-Mart, a bank, another large corporation? There is little point in quitting as they would readily hire another to replace you and as you need to money in order to live you would be doing none any favors. The world is capitalist so quitting one cappie group to go work with another simply means trying to find the "lesser of two evils." Give it time and search for something less "evil" and than quit if you still feel the need to but until than hang in there with the knowledge that there is nothing to be gained from up and leaving without a plan of action.