Libertador
20th March 2012, 01:21
*Well maybe not millions, or anything at all.
This time last year I was suffering from a real bout of depression friends. My dad had basically walked out on my mom and the only reason he could give was that he was bored with her. On top of this I was starting university, which added the whole new stress of wanting to succeed academically in addition to working from eight at night until two in the morning to help my mom pay for our bills now that my dad was out of the picture. In short, life sucked.
The turning point came when in the middle of my Chemistry class I broke down in tears and actually fainted. Right in the middle of all that emotional turmoil and with all the bullshit going on in my life and I couldn't go on. Paramedics drove me to the hospital when I wasn't responding to attempts to wake me up and I was actually diagnosed with having suffered a near-coma like experience but that I would recover quickly. After four days of a coma I was able to come back, my mom and friends all around my bedroom. For the first time in a really long time I actually experienced internally what love felt like. A local church had heard about our situation and had provided free meals for her and had covered our rent for the month (I'm really grateful for that).
Through it all I realized that life is far too short to retain so much emotional baggage that you simply can't go on. You're going to die someday, and once you accept that fact everything unnecessary or pointless is just going to fade away into the realm of indifference. But the thing is that I was absolutely addicted to this rush of emotion that I had for so long bottled up. I wanted more love; I wanted to know what it was like to help others.
After switching my university major to Nursing and volunteering at a local I-don't-have-insurance-but-I-still-need-help-because-I'm-a-human-goddamnit clinic a few days out of the week I'm feeling much better about my situation. My mom was able to get the whole divorce situation worked out and miracle of miracles she managed to get a job as a Librarian (which includes health insurance!). I don't have to work anymore and the relationship between my mother and I has never been stronger. I want to dedicate my life, however short it is, to serving others. If I can die in a muddy ditch in the middle of some forsaken country knowing I had done some good in life I will die a happy man; depressing myself with statistics and political intrigues accomplished nothing for me, helping others does.
I've grown through that dark time good people of Revleft. I'm invigorated about the future and I have one thing I never thought I would ever have: hope.
I hope this post can inspire someone.
This time last year I was suffering from a real bout of depression friends. My dad had basically walked out on my mom and the only reason he could give was that he was bored with her. On top of this I was starting university, which added the whole new stress of wanting to succeed academically in addition to working from eight at night until two in the morning to help my mom pay for our bills now that my dad was out of the picture. In short, life sucked.
The turning point came when in the middle of my Chemistry class I broke down in tears and actually fainted. Right in the middle of all that emotional turmoil and with all the bullshit going on in my life and I couldn't go on. Paramedics drove me to the hospital when I wasn't responding to attempts to wake me up and I was actually diagnosed with having suffered a near-coma like experience but that I would recover quickly. After four days of a coma I was able to come back, my mom and friends all around my bedroom. For the first time in a really long time I actually experienced internally what love felt like. A local church had heard about our situation and had provided free meals for her and had covered our rent for the month (I'm really grateful for that).
Through it all I realized that life is far too short to retain so much emotional baggage that you simply can't go on. You're going to die someday, and once you accept that fact everything unnecessary or pointless is just going to fade away into the realm of indifference. But the thing is that I was absolutely addicted to this rush of emotion that I had for so long bottled up. I wanted more love; I wanted to know what it was like to help others.
After switching my university major to Nursing and volunteering at a local I-don't-have-insurance-but-I-still-need-help-because-I'm-a-human-goddamnit clinic a few days out of the week I'm feeling much better about my situation. My mom was able to get the whole divorce situation worked out and miracle of miracles she managed to get a job as a Librarian (which includes health insurance!). I don't have to work anymore and the relationship between my mother and I has never been stronger. I want to dedicate my life, however short it is, to serving others. If I can die in a muddy ditch in the middle of some forsaken country knowing I had done some good in life I will die a happy man; depressing myself with statistics and political intrigues accomplished nothing for me, helping others does.
I've grown through that dark time good people of Revleft. I'm invigorated about the future and I have one thing I never thought I would ever have: hope.
I hope this post can inspire someone.