How much is to much? (doing things for yourself, not your partner)

[The Douche]

So I want to go to Oakland for may day to see my friend and participate in the festivities, my friend has flown out here to maryland twice so far, and I've never been out there. I will have the money to go and do it, but my girlfriend (serious girlfriend, of 7 years) will not. Normally I feel like it wouldn't be that big of a deal... but:

-She just lost her job and hasn't found a new one yet, so if I leave she'll just be sitting around the house with nothing to do and nobody to spend time with.
-My birthday is the 29th of april, so I would not be home/with her on my birthday.
-Last time my friend came out he brought his girlfriend and her and my girl got along, and they want to see each other again.


I can't remember the last time I did something just for me, but even so, I dunno how I feel about going without her, and I don't even know how to bring it up to her without making her upset, cause she's so on edge since loosing her job.

[Искра]

Stay at home and be supportive. If she's 7 years with you... well poor her... but lucky you... and you should sacrifice your fun for her in such situations. You are young, you have whole life in front of yourself... you'll find time for youself.

[El Chuncho]

You have to decide what is more important to you, going on that holiday or staying with your girlfriend on May Day.

But here is the thing, you should not ask other members of Revleft for help in your own relationship as all relationships are different so their advice might not be that relevant to you. Some people like a lot of space in relationships, other do not. I take it, you like a lot of space? How about your partner? You'll have to find some sort of compromise.

You should politely discuss this with her. Ask her if she would be OK with you going without her, if not you can see what the consequences would be if you do go. And if she'd leave you, I'd argue that your relationship is not that strong in the first place.

If I was to suggest an option, it would be the same as Kontrra.

[Nox]

I agree with Kontrrazvedka. If I ever get a girlfriend (which I won't), I would lick her ass (not literally)

[Искра]

It's not about "licking ass", but about support. Good relationships are mostly based on that...

[The Douche]

You have to decide what is more important to you, going on that holiday or staying with your girlfriend on May Day.

But here is the thing, you should not ask other members of Revleft for help in your own relationship as all relationships are different so their advice might not be that relevant to you. Some people like a lot of space in relationships, other do not. I take it, you like a lot of space? How about your partner? You'll have to find some sort of compromise.

You should politely discuss this with her. Ask her if she would be OK with you going without her, if not you can see what the consequences would be if you do go. And if she'd leave you, I'd argue that your relationship is not that strong in the first place.

Its not really about "holiday", my motivation in going out there during may day is to participate in the general strike and the actions around that, if I just wanted to go solely to hang with my friend I'd go later in the year.

I don't really care for "space", sure sometimes I need to be left alone, but I enjoy living with her and spending time with her. That doesn't mean that other things aren't important to me, and there is a part of me that really wants to go participate in the Oakland commune because 1) I need to have my illusions of it smashed, I know that I have started to hold it up on this pedestal that it doesn't deserve and 2) I need to go and gain some experience from it, and get some ideas, so I can come home and help create something with the people who have a new found passion because of the Oakland commune.

[Nox]

It's not about "licking ass", but about support. Good relationships are mostly based on that...

Yeah I know, but I would take it a step further

[Agent Ducky]

Yeah I know, but I would take it a step further

Protip: Most girls don't like if you take it too far. >.> At one point you just look weird, clingy, and desperate...

[El Chuncho]

Its not really about "holiday", my motivation in going out there during may day is to participate in the general strike and the actions around that, if I just wanted to go solely to hang with my friend I'd go later in the year.

I don't really care for "space", sure sometimes I need to be left alone, but I enjoy living with her and spending time with her. That doesn't mean that other things aren't important to me, and there is a part of me that really wants to go participate in the Oakland commune because 1) I need to have my illusions of it smashed, I know that I have started to hold it up on this pedestal that it doesn't deserve and 2) I need to go and gain some experience from it, and get some ideas, so I can come home and help create something with the people who have a new found passion because of the Oakland commune.

I think your post answers your own questions. You should stay at home as Kontrra has suggested, because it doesn't seem that important to you, especially if you already know that you have had illusions about it. I do not think it is very important either, especially not important enough to leave your partner alone for awhile. You are young so you will probably have plenty of time to get experience, trust me on that.

[The Douche]

I think your post answers your own questions. You should stay a t home as Kontrra has suggested, because it doesn't seem that important to you, especially if you already know that you have had illusions about it. You are young so you will have plenty of time to get experience.

I mean, I'm young, but not as young as most posters on here. I have a job and obligations, and having the money and the siutation both is rare, its usually one or the other.

My point about illusions, is that they will continue unless they are dispelled, in order for me to use the experience of the Oakland commune in building a struggle here, I need to actually have the experience of the commune, does that not make sense to anybody else?

[praxis1966]

I think you should definitely come out here... This is, of course, only based upon selfish considerations (ie we didn't kick it last time you were in the area). ;)

Seriously, though, I would just take a wait and see approach at this point. I mean, as long as you pay your airfare a month in advance you'll probably do OK price-wise. That means you really have like 6 weeks to make a concrete decision one way or another. You never know, in the meantime, your girlfriend might find work and you'll not feel so guilty about going.

[The Douche]

I think you should definitely come out here... This is, of course, only based upon selfish considerations (ie we didn't kick it last time you were in the area). ;)

Seriously, though, I would just take a wait and see approach at this point. I mean, as long as you pay your airfare a month in advance you'll probably do OK price-wise. That means you really have like 6 weeks to make a concrete decision one way or another. You never know, in the meantime, your girlfriend might find work and you'll not feel so guilty about going.

I didn't go out there when I was thinking about it last time, my friend came out here instead.

[Искра]

My point about illusions, is that they will continue unless they are dispelled, in order for me to use the experience of the Oakland commune in building a struggle here, I need to actually have the experience of the commune, does that not make sense to anybody else?
Well, such struggles will repeat. You really have a plenty of time to get experience. Your woman should be #1 for you... ;) I mean... you can't really change a lot there in Oakland, but you can do a lot for you girl if you stay with her... She'll need your support.

[The Douche]

Well, such struggles will repeat. You really have a plenty of time to get experience. Your woman should be #1 for you... ;) I mean... you can't really change a lot there in Oakland, but you can do a lot for you girl if you stay with her... She'll need your support.

The point is to be ready to be a part of these struggles when they repeat, not to just parachute into a different struggle when it opens up next year.

I can't change anything in Oakland, its on the other side of the continent, what I want to do is learn how they're succeeding and failing, and apply that where I am, and bring it to people, who two months ago, didn't give a fuck about politics, and now want to know how they can start fighting police and claiming public spaces.

[Nox]

Talk to her about it

[bricolage]

The Oakland Commune?

[The Douche]

The Oakland Commune?

http://www.solidarity-us.org/files/oaklandstrike-05.jpg

??

[bricolage]

is that what the occupy stuff has become?

[danyboy27]

So I want to go to Oakland for may day to see my friend and participate in the festivities, my friend has flown out here to maryland twice so far, and I've never been out there. I will have the money to go and do it, but my girlfriend (serious girlfriend, of 7 years) will not. Normally I feel like it wouldn't be that big of a deal... but:

-She just lost her job and hasn't found a new one yet, so if I leave she'll just be sitting around the house with nothing to do and nobody to spend time with.
-My birthday is the 29th of april, so I would not be home/with her on my birthday.
-Last time my friend came out he brought his girlfriend and her and my girl got along, and they want to see each other again.


I can't remember the last time I did something just for me, but even so, I dunno how I feel about going without her, and I don't even know how to bring it up to her without making her upset, cause she's so on edge since loosing her job.
YOu should fefinitively talk with her about that, Perhaps she does not really mind being alone for a fews days, or perhaps you can come to an arrangement with her like celebrating your birthday a fews day late.

[Искра]

Do you have something to read about OC for people who live miles away?

[The Douche]

is that what the occupy stuff has become?

Oakland was always different that most of the other occupations.


Do you have something to read about OC for people who live miles away?

http://www.bayofrage.com/

[bricolage]

Oakland was always different that most of the other occupations.
pardon?
EDIT: I'm guessing that was meant to say from. anyway yeah I knew that oakland was more radical and had a history prior to the camp phenomenon but I just wanted to know where the commune name had come from and who it was claiming as a part of it, is it just a general way of describing all the actions that take place in Oakland or is it what the occupy camp was renamed or something else?

[Искра]

Thx for link

Do you maybe have good analysis of whole situation down there? I'll translate it if it's good.

[The Douche]

Thx for link

Do you maybe have good analysis of whole situation down there? I'll translate it if it's good.

I don't of a really good complete analysis. Maybe PM praxis and see if he knows one? I'll text my friend from Oakland.


pardon?

The occupation in Oakland was started with a lot more overt anarchist/hipster communist presence than many others, and from the start had a more confrontational nature than other occupations, with official statements to not negotiate with the city or the police, they have conducted port shutdowns in conjunction with the longshoreman's union, which have spread to other parts of the west coast. They've also conducted a general strike, and have another planned for May day.

[thriller]

So I want to go to Oakland for may day to see my friend and participate in the festivities, my friend has flown out here to maryland twice so far, and I've never been out there. I will have the money to go and do it, but my girlfriend (serious girlfriend, of 7 years) will not. Normally I feel like it wouldn't be that big of a deal... but:

-She just lost her job and hasn't found a new one yet, so if I leave she'll just be sitting around the house with nothing to do and nobody to spend time with.
-My birthday is the 29th of april, so I would not be home/with her on my birthday.
-Last time my friend came out he brought his girlfriend and her and my girl got along, and they want to see each other again.


I can't remember the last time I did something just for me, but even so, I dunno how I feel about going without her, and I don't even know how to bring it up to her without making her upset, cause she's so on edge since loosing her job.

The real question is are you going to end up resenting the fact that you didn't go to Oakland and take that out on your girlfriend and blame her for it? Lord knows it happens to the best of us, and it's important to keep in mind. Btw, 7 years? Holy shit! You should be able to talk to her about it if you two have been together that long.

[bricolage]

The occupation in Oakland was started with a lot more overt anarchist/hipster communist presence than many others, and from the start had a more confrontational nature than other occupations, with official statements to not negotiate with the city or the police, they have conducted port shutdowns in conjunction with the longshoreman's union, which have spread to other parts of the west coast. They've also conducted a general strike, and have another planned for May day.
ah yeah I'd heard of stuff like that (which is all good), it was more about the name I was asking, I edited my post above but too late.

anyway that link to bay of rage is pretty good, cheers.

[The Douche]

The real question is are you going to end up resenting the fact that you didn't go to Oakland and take that out on your girlfriend and blame her for it? Lord knows it happens to the best of us, and it's important to keep in mind. Btw, 7 years? Holy shit! You should be able to talk to her about it if you two have been together that long.

I mean I'll be upset, but not especially angry or anything. It will just be another missed opportunity.

Obviously I am going to talk to her about this, I just wanted to hear what other people would say, so that I could get an idea of what issues she's gonna have.

[The Douche]

ah yeah I'd heard of stuff like that (which is all good), it was more about the name I was asking, I edited my post above but too late.

anyway that link to bay of rage is pretty good, cheers.

Ah yeah, its the "commune" in the sense that its kind of a living organism through which we express our opposition in a community. Not in the sense of hippies and farming.

[bcbm]

-She just lost her job and hasn't found a new one yet, so if I leave she'll just be sitting around the house with nothing to do and nobody to spend time with.

yall dont have any friends?

[ed miliband]

is it out of the question that you pay for her flight - if only as a loan? even partially paying for it could make a good birthday gift

but idk how much it would cost so probably not good advice

[The Douche]

yall dont have any friends?

Haha, I mean, she has some friends, but she's not that close to anybody, and its not the same y'know, cause she will have nothing to do since she isn't working.


is it out of the question that you pay for her flight - if only as a loan? even partially paying for it could make a good birthday gift


Tickets (round trip) are like $350 per person, I wouldn't be able to pay for her's cause we wouldn't have enough money while out there, or enough when I got home. Plus, its my birthday, not her's, I'm the one who gets the presents!

[Decolonize The Left]

So I want to go to Oakland for may day to see my friend and participate in the festivities, my friend has flown out here to maryland twice so far, and I've never been out there. I will have the money to go and do it, but my girlfriend (serious girlfriend, of 7 years) will not. Normally I feel like it wouldn't be that big of a deal... but:

-She just lost her job and hasn't found a new one yet, so if I leave she'll just be sitting around the house with nothing to do and nobody to spend time with.
-My birthday is the 29th of april, so I would not be home/with her on my birthday.
-Last time my friend came out he brought his girlfriend and her and my girl got along, and they want to see each other again.

I can't remember the last time I did something just for me, but even so, I dunno how I feel about going without her, and I don't even know how to bring it up to her without making her upset, cause she's so on edge since loosing her job.

You need to talk to her. You need to tell her how you feel and why you want to go. If you've been together seven years, she should understand you perfectly well.

Tell her that you want to do your thing with your friend on mayday, and you can't afford to pay for her ticket. Tell her that ideally she'd travel with you and that if this is possible then you'd want that to happen. But if it isn't possible, you still want to go because it matters a lot to you.

She should want you to do what matters to you, and I'm sure she does. If she's upset it's because of her stress re: her job loss, so maybe you want to do something nice for her before you go? I dunno cause I dunno you're total situation, but it seems like it's what you want to do.

Also, I could see you when you came out. So you need to weigh your love for her against your incredible desire to be near me.

- August

[The Douche]

We talked briefly today via text about it cause she did her taxes and is getting some money back. She said she will be able to go if she gets another job before then, and I told her I was planning to go either way, and that we'd talk more about it when I get home.

So odds are, bay area, revlefters, you will get to meet the infamous tattooed tough guy of revleft in real life.

[Nox]

So odds are, bay area, revlefters, you will get to meet the infamous tattooed tough guy of revleft in real life.

STALINNNNNNNNNNN tattoo

[praxis1966]

So odds are, bay area, revlefters, you will get to meet the infamous tattooed tough guy of revleft in real life.

Awesome sauce. Let the counterculture tourism begin anew! lol

[Decolonize The Left]

We talked briefly today via text about it cause she did her taxes and is getting some money back. She said she will be able to go if she gets another job before then, and I told her I was planning to go either way, and that we'd talk more about it when I get home.

So odds are, bay area, revlefters, you will get to meet the infamous tattooed tough guy of revleft in real life.

It's good to hear that she'll be able to join you. The change in scenery will be good for you both - most notably her, as it will take her mind off the stress of home.

Now I'm gonna go get some quick ink so I don't feel overwhelmed. I'm thinking of a dinosaur eating a tank in front of a supernova on my chest, with glitter trails running down each of my arms into little black holes on my knuckles with tiny piranhas in the centers of each.

- August

[bcbm]

if i can do a medical study i might be out there for may day too... this could be some serious shit

[The Douche]

if i can do a medical study i might be out there for may day too... this could be some serious shit

If you don't do it we're gonna kick you out of anarchy.

[Lanky Wanker]

I agree with Kontrrazvedka. If I ever get a girlfriend (which I won't), I would lick her ass (not literally)

I would. ;)

[khlib]

You should definitely go, or else you might grow to resent her. It would be really nice if you could try to figure out a way that she could go. Maybe check craigslist and see if there are any odd jobs you (or her) could do to earn some extra cash. If you make (or save) $50/week, you'll have enough for her airfare. Also, you could consider taking a Greyhound, because they are super cheap.