My grandmother died today

[The Stalinator]

I feel sick. Physically sick. I only cried for a few minutes but ever since I found out (it was only six hours ago that she died) I have felt lethargic and I have barely been able to speak to anyone. I am angry at myself for not crying as much as I should have.

Two hours before she died my father had visited her and said she looked in better condition than last week which made me happy. I had been wondering when she would die for the past few months and it scared me.

Visiting her every two or three weeks has been part of my life since I was too young to remember. Now she is dead, she is my second grandparent to die since November and I am not sure what to do.

I am running out of people I can trust in this world and it is making me fear for my own life.

[Ele'ill]

I've had friends die. It's hard for the mind to realize what happened. I had a hard time coming to terms with the idea that the unique relationships I had with them wouldn't ever be again and that I'd never meet people quite like them. It's like a part of my life was forced to close and all the music, seasons, sounds, smells, etc.. would always be locked away from that point on.

[Prometeo liberado]

Fear is a very natural emotion and shouldn't be taken lightly. Each passing day the pain does subside a little more though. My condolences.

[The Young Pioneer]

I'm sorry, Stalinator.

I just lost my first grandparent last year and it's really tough and will take you some time.

My thoughts are with your family, comrade.

[Lobotomy]

I am sorry to hear that and I hope you and your family feel better soon.

[danyboy27]

sorry for your loss.

[Sam_b]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[kitsune]

It's very difficult dealing with the loss of someone close. Grief takes a lot out of you. Even later, when you're over the worst of it and feel a lot better, it can suddenly well up from nowhere and smack you around.

It does get better, though. It's a wound. It takes time to heal, and it can leave a scar, but you'll get through it. I wish you and your family all the best in coping with this.

[Leonid Brozhnev]

Condolences man. My grandmother died in November, we were close but I hadn't seen her for about 6 years since I stopped visiting my dad, I tried to visit her in hospital but she was too ill so I never got to see her for one last time.
I wasn't too blown over, I never dwell that much on death as it's an inevitable part of life. She had Ménière's disease and throat cancer, I hated to think about how much she was suffering but I'm happy she'd led a good life. That said, had it been sudden I probably would have handled it differently, her death was more gradual so I was mentally prepared for it. I focused on other things during her funeral so I didn't break down or anything, I also had to lower the coffin into the grave.

[Nox]

Can't imagine how you feel right now. My feelings are with you :/

[The Stalinator]

I remember the last time I saw her. I always thought she was very pretty for an eighty-three year old woman, and her memory was amazing for her age. Her meds were making her hallucinate, though, I think.

When my dad left two hours before she died, she'd said people were coming into her room to play bridge. It made me think of watching my great-grandmother dying in hospital last March. She was seeing people come for her as well.

[MotherCossack]

when my sister said she thought granddad would die soon at christmas time... i was devastated...
it was like having the ground suddenly drop 50 feet in one go.
later that day i told myself she was just being dramatic. which felt better.
when he got worse, hospitalized and started to improve all in the last week of 2011 and the first week of 2012, i felt so scared, little and young but amazing how quickly you assume its gonna be fine as soon as there is an improvement..
so when he very suddenly got pneumonia and started to fade a week later... it was like an atomic bomb all over again.
i went to see him [a 4 hour train journey] the next day and it was so harrowing....
in hospital... he had an oxygen mask on and never spoke... he spent the whole time i was there gasping, violently... it caused his whole body to heave with every breathe... and and he looked more and more exhausted. it was like he was battling with every cell in his body to cling desparately to life and so ,so slowly losing his grip.
i left as he fell asleep...
the next day he died....


i dont know what else i can say...
except to appreciate how special life is and enjoy it while you have it [and those you care about]
and i am still so sad that my granddad is gone.
he was my own dinky ,grumpy, potty, special granddad.
so i am sorry that you lost your gran.....
it is hard and it hurts and it comes in tsunami waves at first ...
over and over.....
after a while they get a bit smaller ...
then less often...
in a few weeks a day will go by....
then a week...
but i still get the odd rogue wave....
at first i was....
'this is the first time i have done this since..........
so when i had done all my normal things once since he died.... it got a bit better....
and it was only when i did something that was unusual.. and then it came back..
'this is the first time i have done_____ since he died . and i would be sad again.

it is part of life... they say... and it is what makes us human...
not one of us will escape it....

[Ostrinski]

Ah, loss. The wound that never fully heals. But we do adapt and learn to accept. I hope the pain doesn't get the best of you. It is during the darkest hours that keeping your head up is most important.

[gorillafuck]

oh. :(

I'm sorry.

crying is a physical way of expressing emotions. but it's not a gauge for how much you care about someone. just because you feel like you didn't cry enough doesn't mean that you don't actually care enough. you obviously do care a lot and I'm sure your grandmother would be touched by the way you feel.

[GoddessCleoLover]

My condolences on the passing of your grandmother.

[sithsaber]

Condolences
Death is a part of life
Our mortal frames are but a vessel containing the infinite potential of the spirit.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM