how to break up with someone?

[Luc]

how does one break up with a person without making the other person sad? Can y'all share experience or give tips? Please any help would do wonders I haven't the slightest knowledge of well anything relationship related.:confused:

I would be happy to answer any question so you can get a better feel about my predicament I just don't know what to say here in the OP.

Please help.

[The Young Pioneer]

lol I don't think it's possible unless they're secretly about to break up with you also.

Beyond that I've no advice; since I dumped my fiance for my ex once, I don't consider myself of any benefit to others in break-up situations. :laugh:

[GallowsBird]

Unless they wish to break up with you then a good bet is that they will be sad, probably very sad. Depending on your relationship and how they take such matters.

I would suggest you make a clean break however, although you shouldn't be callous or cruel I wouldn't sugar coat it too much. Make sure they know it is the end rather than a temporary parting. Yes, it will hurt them but (usually) they'll get over it.

I was very sad when the last lass I was with, even if I knew deep down it wouldn't last. I was so sad that I thought I would never get over it but I did. I think most people get over these things and move on quicker than they think they would.

I'm not sure if this helps at all.

[Luc]

^no worries, anything helps

Unrelated to the above;

I would also like to make clear I also don't know how to "physically" break up with some, phone them? meet them say it and leave right away? (we live pretty far apart...) just say "It's over" or explain or not explain?:confused: Text them is out of the question as I don't have a phone and I can't do it on FaceBook as I'm not on it (Fuck Facebook! That's right come at me Zuckerberg!)

I'm pretty broken socially

[Enragé]

its just gonna be hard. Just be honest to him/her, tell him/her how you feel, then you'll have a terrible few hours and feel like shit afterwards.

Alternatively, you can start behaving more and more like an asshole/*****, and hope he/she will break up with you at some point. Though I've considered this tactic multiple times i never seemed to be able to do it. Maybe i just like being liked too much.

[Firebrand]

There's no nice way to do it i'm afraid. Just make it quick, make it clear and don't be actively nasty. Just tell them there's no way it could work out and that fundamentally you would both be better off looking for someone else.
I would always advocate face to face, if thats a particular issue then a phone call is ok, but its got to be something like physical distance that makes it necessary or they will think you don't want to look them in the eye.
NEVER break up through facebook. Proably not relevent since you don't have it but just for the record that is a very bad way to end it and texts aren't much better.

[Enragé]

^no worries, anything helps

Unrelated to the above;

I would also like to make clear I also don't know how to "physically" break up with some, phone them? meet them say it and leave right away? (we live pretty far apart...) just say "It's over" or explain or not explain?:confused: Text them is out of the question as I don't have a phone and I can't do it on FaceBook as I'm not on it (Fuck Facebook! That's right come at me Zuckerberg!)

I'm pretty broken socially

i did that once. Actually she came all the way over to me. Seems like a terrible option, it was, all breakups are terrible and it must have been awful for her travelling back.. on the other hand at the time i had heard multiple stories from girls like 'OMGGG he broke up with this friend of mine by telephone/e-mail! Thats the WORST you can do!', so err.. yea. Maybe that all has changed now though, seeing as we live in times where generational gaps already occur if we're 5 years apart (there was nooo facebook back thennn! :P)

Dont think i really helped you now, now did I? I guess if anything, you go over there, instead of letting him/her come to you.

[PhoenixAsh]

1) you go there...to them. You do it in person if possible.
2). Do not first spend a while together....just say it
3). be clear, decisive and do not allow for room for confusion or hope.
4). let the other react. understand their emotions. let them ask why
5). explain why....if there is. And other wise simply say that you re no longer in love with them....and if there is somebody else...say there is. Do not keep it under wraps to only let them find out later.
6). understand they are going to be sad and maybe even angry.

There is no good way to break up.
It will always be at a bad moment.
It will probably be unexpected.
It will probably hurt as hell.


Unless offcourse the person doesn't care about you, wanted to break up with you too, was already cheating on you anyway.


Good luck.

[Luc]

edit this was written with out seeing Hindsight's post just keeping it for bit extra info

Yeah I guess thats how I'll have to do it (going over to her place)

but It seems really weird just phonin saying "hey you wanna hang out?" then I show up and say "it 's over" and leave. I also haven't seen/talked to her since last week (literally it was 8 days ago) :unsure:

I could wait till school begins again and tell her but problem is exams be on and school doesn't start till tuesday (exams be on) even though they end today (y u no make sense school!!!) which would make it 12 days of her waitin for me to dump her. fml.

[PC LOAD LETTER]

Just break up with him/her. Obviously you don't want the relationship to continue, so end it.

He/she will be sad, you will likely feel some regret, but later on you'll both be perfectly fine.

[Thirsty Crow]

It's mandatory, and I really do mean mandatory, to clearly explain the reason why. In the end, when the hurt begins to cease, there'll be this great confusion and uneasiness if the person breaking up doesn't honestly say why.

[Искра]

Menocchio you sound like a real love machine :)

I've personaly have only once brake up with a girl. I just said "it's not that anymore", she said "yeah" and we remained ok after that.

On other occasions girls fucked me up with their parania and hysteria and I just told them "fuck off *******" and they told me "***** ***** *****" and that was that.

[Renegade Saint]

The only suggestion I have is break up in a public place, like a restaurant. Or a library. Whatever, your choice. There's two reasons:

1) People are less likely to lose control of their emotions in public. I'm talking the full gauntlet of possible reaction to a break-up, from crying, to loud obscenities to physical violence. They're less likely to stab you with a fork if there's witnesses.

2) it's easier to get in and get out quickly. If you do it at their place the conversation can drag on, the aforementioned crying can start, they could start to say how they'll change or how things will be different and worst case scenario you end up having make-up sex. And you can't really break up with someone you've just had sex with.

So yeah, do it in a public place, if it's in a restaurant break the news before you finish the main course (and before anyone orders dessert).

This applies equally whether you're dealing with a male or female.

[Ele'ill]

how does one break up with a person without making the other person sad? Can y'all share experience or give tips? Please any help would do wonders I haven't the slightest knowledge of well anything relationship related.:confused:

I would be happy to answer any question so you can get a better feel about my predicament I just don't know what to say here in the OP.

Please help.

It may completely catch your partner off guard and hurt them deeply but it won't compare to how crushing it would have been had you waited. If you are ending the relationship the last thing you can give to them is honesty and an explanation.

[dodger]

You're not just a Saint, but a demi god. I have been the most useless coward in these matters. It has usually resulted in the girl dropping me eventually. Why was I like that ? No idea? No excuses either? they all deserved better. Yes I think you have put us on the right track. Cruel to be kind, and some near to the truth reason, credible, that it had to end. Best not to leave a legacy....Why?,,,Why?...Why? at the very least. Strangely it all seemed so much more simple when I was a teenager.Walking out from the cinema I was given the old 'heave ho! 20yrs later a knock on my cab window. Apparently my only response had been "yikes, my bus!!" and charged off down the high st to catch it. She had spent the last money in her purse on sweets for us and had to walk 2 miles home. Luckily my signal turned to green and I left her on the wind swept station, waving her fist..."You left me penniless!!" Still recriminations after 20yrs, and we had only dated for 5 weeks or so. The looks of the passengers on that packed platform told me everything, I was a scoundrel and bounder. Well at least she escaped from my clutches unscathed, with only her feet hurting. Good job I waited 20years to 'meet up again', she had a terrible temper and so did her dad, brothers too.

[PC LOAD LETTER]

The only suggestion I have is break up in a public place, like a restaurant. Or a library. Whatever, your choice. There's two reasons:

1) People are less likely to lose control of their emotions in public. I'm talking the full gauntlet of possible reaction to a break-up, from crying, to loud obscenities to physical violence. They're less likely to stab you with a fork if there's witnesses.

2) it's easier to get in and get out quickly. If you do it at their place the conversation can drag on, the aforementioned crying can start, they could start to say how they'll change or how things will be different and worst case scenario you end up having make-up sex. And you can't really break up with someone you've just had sex with.

So yeah, do it in a public place, if it's in a restaurant break the news before you finish the main course (and before anyone orders dessert).

This applies equally whether you're dealing with a male or female.
Never before have I heard of sex being the 'worst-case scenario'

[Thirsty Crow]

Menocchio you sound like a real love machine :)

I've personaly have only once brake up with a girl. I just said "it's not that anymore", she said "yeah" and we remained ok after that.

On other occasions girls fucked me up with their parania and hysteria and I just told them "fuck off *******" and they told me "***** ***** *****" and that was that.
Would post WASP's Fuck like a Beast but you already did that so... :tt2:

See, it makes perfect sense to explain the reason why since you might end up being a stalking victim :D

[Искра]

Is that your move on me?

[Thirsty Crow]

Is that your move on me?
You'll know in due time :tt1:

[Comrade Lou]

I'd say you need to be completely honest with your partner and let them talk for as long as they need, let everything out so there is nothing unfinished after the breakup. I've had distance relationships before where I broke up over the phone because I had no other choice, so it depends on your situation which way you want to do it.

It is definitely going to hurt, but my advice is to always be completely honest and open.

[Renegade Saint]

Never before have I heard of sex being the 'worst-case scenario'
True, I guess the actual worst case scenario is the aforementioned fork-stabbing. But sex with the wrong person at the wrong time can be worse than no sex, particularly when it socially obligates you to stay in a relationship you were trying to end.

[feral bro]

just ignore them.

[khlib]

Just do it over the phone. If you haven't talked in 8 days and live far away, there is absolutely no point in making plans, having her get excited to see you, only to be dumped. Call her up and blame it on the distance or the fact that you need to "find yourself" (any excuse that won't hurt her).

[dodger]

just ignore them.


Least said , soonest mended. Perfect. Well its obviously worked for you.

[feral bro]

that obviously wasn't a serious suggestion.

[eyedrop]

A method I've known a few people who are bad at break ups to employ is to stop doing their share of the housework, generally being a jerk in the following fights and wait for the other person to break up. Or for both of them to just be too sick of the constant hostilityand end it.

Not that it is a good method but keep it in your sleeve.


Breaking up only gets harder when you live together with someone and a potential break up fucks up both your living situations as well and it generally means financial setbacks for both aswell as downgrading apartments and shit.

[Renegade Saint]

Good luck OP, hopefully your break up goes something like this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOW5hbMEU7E

[Luc]

^ :lol:

Update: I called her yesterday she was buisy with her friends so we made plans for today and I called; She was buisy again. *facepalm* So I won't see her till school starts (though apparently it's monday; I was wrong).

Been thinking lately I should just talk to her and sort things out instead of dumpin' her. Atleast I have time to think :unsure: Thanks for all the help regardless of the out come.:)

[NoMasters]

Just tell them why. Say it straightforward and without any BS. Don't leave any hope for them because that will just lead them on and leave doubt. Just tell them its over, and let them move on and find someone else.

My GF was a ***** so I hooked up with her best friend after we broke up. Don't go that route.

[Marquess]

Unless you're both at the point where you can't stand each other, chances are she'll get sad.

If you want it to be amicable, don't go for the juggler. No insulting and no trying to make it seem like all of it's her fault. But don't pull the "It's not you, it's me" line either.

And for god's sake, DON'T break up with them over the phone or a text or on Facebook or Twitter or whatever. That is the WORST thing you could do. Have enough respect for her to break up face to face.

Also like hindsight20/20 said, just out and say it and be clear about it. Don't leave hope for another future relationship unless you really want one and don't say you'll still be friends if you don't really want to be. Be clear and honest, not only with her, but yourself as well.

Assuming you have a nice and understanding gf, it should go over pretty well aside from the inevitable sadness and crying and everything you'd expect to go with a break up.

But (and I'm being honest about this) if you have a mean and vindictive gf, prepare for her and her friends to air out all your dirty laundry. Tiny penis, premature ejaculation, embarrassing habits, everyone and their grandma will know about it. I'm lucky to still be with my first gf and we love each other very much, so I haven't had to break up with anyone ever (Especially not the aforementioned wcs), but that happened to some one at my school (Given apparently he cheated on her with her best friend), and within a week of the break up, everyone in school knew that he had a curved penis.

Best of luck to you whatever you choose to do.:)

[Luc]

alright the deed is done...

by her

lol she dumped me! :laugh:

thanks for all the help!:) guess I'm glad I didn't have to use it but

sucks though cause I was just thinking about how to fix our relationship but then that^ happened so.. yeah :(

[NoMasters]

alright the deed is done...

by her

lol she dumped me! :laugh:

thanks for all the help!:) guess I'm glad I didn't have to use it but

sucks though cause I was just thinking about how to fix our relationship but then that^ happened so.. yeah :(

Life is too short man, don't let a girl affect your life. I mean honestly, I bet that you are way smarter and principled in life than she will ever be..

[feral bro]

I bet that you are way smarter and principled in life than she will ever be..
let me guess, cos she's a woman?

[NoMasters]

No, its because she is dumb enough to end a relationship with a person that has ideals that actually represent the good. If a person fails to see that in their partner, f*ck em.

[Decolonize The Left]

No, its because she is dumb enough to end a relationship with a person that has ideals that actually represent the good. If a person fails to see that in their partner, f*ck em.

Ummmm.... you can't really decide who's worthy of a relationship by their political ideas....

- August

[Luc]

we didn't talk at all about politics well we diddn't talk much about anything

I appreciate you trying to cheer me up NoMasters:) but degrading them and propping me up ain't the way to go about it :closedeyes:

[ВАЛТЕР]

Call 'em up. Tell them you don't have feelings for them any more. If she cries or whatever, tell them you can be friends and shit. If she is still crying then find an excuse to get off the phone, because nobody wants to deal with that annoying shit.

If you see them, be nice to them. If they have hard feelings about it. Then ignore them.

It isn't complex at all really, chances are they will be hurt, but that is life and they'll get over it.

Good luck.

[Luc]

Call 'em up. Tell them you don't have feelings for them any more. If she cries or whatever, tell them you can be friends and shit. If she is still crying then find an excuse to get off the phone, because nobody wants to deal with that annoying shit.

If you see them, be nice to them. If they have hard feelings about it. Then ignore them.

It isn't complex at all really, chances are they will be hurt, but that is life and they'll get over it.

Good luck.


*facepalm* did you bother to read the thread? :laugh:

it's over she dumped

thanks anyways:thumbup1:

[ВАЛТЕР]

*facepalm* did you bother to read the thread? :laugh:

it's over she dumped

thanks anyways:thumbup1:

Sorry :lol:

The thread was still active so I figured there was a dilemma. :P

[NoMasters]

Ummmm.... you can't really decide who's worthy of a relationship by their political ideas....

- August


Haha no not fully. But I do believe people in these forums have a very good understanding of the fundamental good and morality. And that usually shows within their character. USUALLY

In my case, I dumped my girlfriend of 2 years when I went off to college because I started outgrowing her within my political thought and ideals and rendered her useless to my cause.

I.e. educated people tend to divorce less than uneducated partners in a marriage. and educated people tend to be leftists, at least those with higher degrees.

But no, not always. But for me it was. And I assume it happens to a lot more people who adhere to radical leftism. I in fact, find relationships currently in my life completely useless and pointless to any cause I am fighting for. Maybe in the future I can find a women with similar ideals as I, but I find that hard to believe considering the people I grew up with in affluent suburbia in Texas.

[feral bro]

Haha no not fully. But I do believe people in these forums have a very good understanding of the fundamental good and morality. And that usually shows within their character. USUALLY

In my case, I dumped my girlfriend of 2 years when I went off to college because I started outgrowing her within my political thought and ideals and rendered her useless to my cause.

I.e. educated people tend to divorce less than uneducated partners in a marriage. and educated people tend to be leftists, at least those with higher degrees.

But no, not always. But for me it was. And I assume it happens to a lot more people who adhere to radical leftism. I in fact, find relationships currently in my life completely useless and pointless to any cause I am fighting for. Maybe in the future I can find a women with similar ideals as I, but I find that hard to believe considering the people I grew up with in affluent suburbia in Texas.
chill out, you're only 12!

[NoMasters]

Haha close. I'm 13 man... ;)

[Decolonize The Left]

Haha no not fully. But I do believe people in these forums have a very good understanding of the fundamental good and morality. And that usually shows within their character. USUALLY

In my case, I dumped my girlfriend of 2 years when I went off to college because I started outgrowing her within my political thought and ideals and rendered her useless to my cause.

If your relationship with your girlfriend is based upon your "cause" then you are effectively using her and your relationship with her. This is not healthy. People use other people all the time, for things like comfort and companionship, things which bring us necessary elements of human life. This is part of what being in a relationship means.

But if you are using your partner, who is intimately attached to you, for someone abstract like a "cause" then you are not fully committed to this person and should let them know.


I.e. educated people tend to divorce less than uneducated partners in a marriage. and educated people tend to be leftists, at least those with higher degrees.

This is utter nonsense.


But no, not always. But for me it was. And I assume it happens to a lot more people who adhere to radical leftism. I in fact, find relationships currently in my life completely useless and pointless to any cause I am fighting for. Maybe in the future I can find a women with similar ideals as I, but I find that hard to believe considering the people I grew up with in affluent suburbia in Texas.

Whatever dude. You need to take a step back from "the cause" and realize that people are incredibly complex and interesting, and that there are plenty of people who are not "useful for the cause" but make great friends and partners.

- August

[Elysian]

If your relationship with your girlfriend is based upon your "cause" then you are effectively using her and your relationship with her. This is not healthy. People use other people all the time, for things like comfort and companionship, things which bring us necessary elements of human life. This is part of what being in a relationship means.

But if you are using your partner, who is intimately attached to you, for someone abstract like a "cause" then you are not fully committed to this person and should let them know.



This is utter nonsense.



Whatever dude. You need to take a step back from "the cause" and realize that people are incredibly complex and interesting, and that there are plenty of people who are not "useful for the cause" but make great friends and partners.

- August

For communists, there are no morals, only class interests.

[Renegade Saint]

For communists, there are no morals, only class interests.
Uh, no. Not even close to right. Try again.

[Lucretia]

There are at least 50 ways.

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