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View Full Version : What do you think of my poem?



Philosophis Pony
19th December 2011, 23:09
I showed this poem to many people close to me and friends and they all said it was very good, I was wondering what people here might think of it?

Marble statues pace the ground in a world few hold dear
he said I see Lennin, Marx and even Socrates in the distance
But nothing means to the common man who can't see his own brittle brain
Don't fall for that card trick from the old priest down the street nothing different from this concept of believe
He told them once he told them twice what it means to follow is the idea of a poor wallowing swallow
Is it all really light, he saw four thousand doors but some people only see four
Almost like a bird who flew high above the rest, never to see the flock again from the skyline
Its like deranged to become strange like a hawk in the sun
He told them the story but he heard no words, what can you think if you couldn't buy time
The spellbound philosopher behind bars you just can't compare to the despair in his eyes
When he saw everyone rip themselves apart from the inside
There he spent his life wallowing like the swallow to which had so much contempt
It gets pretty crazy, I just couldn't understand until I saw myself in his eyes and took it to a whole new level

TheGodlessUtopian
19th December 2011, 23:13
I thought it was good.I am not a keen critic of poetry but I like reading off kilter poems that have a deeper meaning.I liked it :)

NewLeft
29th December 2011, 09:10
Not into poetry, but your poem did make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I would prefer it if you broke it down into small chunks, so that my eyes don't get lazy and wander off (I have a short attention span, not your fault at all).