So how do I fuck up this job interview

[Crux]

Seriously. I have had the job before. It's shit and it pays less than the wellfare I am on right now, considering you pay for your own travelling and there will be quite a bit. My plan is just to list all the thing's that was shit the last time and finish off with asking who my union rep is. Needless to say the place is very very un-unionized. I technically can't turn this job down. What I can do is fuck up the job interview.

[Manic Impressive]

I had exactly the same problem last week. I had to spend the whole day on a second interview shadowing the guy who would be my potential boss. I found out that for 55 hours of work a week I would earn around £150. Add to that 5 hours travel and subtract the travel costs and it worked out as less than £2 an hour. Half way through this 10 hour interview, when asked what leadership qualities I could bring to the company. I said "look man I'm going to have to stop you here. I don't think I'm right for this job and I think you should hire someone else". Fearful that may be interpreted as turning down work I added "However, if the job were offered I would have to accept it". Six hours later at the end of the interview and twenty minutes until the last train left I was told I got the job. I went to the job centre the next morning and luckily I was told that as the job was commission based only with no fixed salary and self employed status that I would not be obliged to take it. So I had a lucky escape.

Unfortunately that doesn't really help you, as I failed in my attempt at failing the interview. I can only offer my condolences and wish you better luck than I had. They've got you by the balls and are about to squeeze.

Or you could always try this from trainspotting
FBAXWz-8arw

[Revolutionair]

Wow. Uhm, I heard it's considered impolite to go on and on about your wage. Also try to not wear your best clothes.

[Comrade Gwydion]

Over here, you can get cut on your wellfare if you do anything, including in the way you look, that might lower your chances on getting a job.
So, if you dress alternative or have take a piercing during the time you're on wellfare.... They just might cut your welfare. (I'm not sure how often they actually do this, though)

[Crux]

Over here, you can get cut on your wellfare if you do anything, including in the way you look, that might lower your chances on getting a job.
So, if you dress alternative or have take a piercing during the time you're on wellfare.... They just might cut your welfare. (I'm not sure how often they actually do this, though)
nah, that will be allright. I was just stupid enough to apply for any work at all. Got my wellfare anyway, and now like the one job I do apply for calls me back. Nightmare. hahaha. Oh and it seems I just missed my buss, oh well. I'll sort it out.

[piet11111]

Give a crushing handshake in addition to acting just like that youtube clip.

[ВАЛТЕР]

Yeah, just sit there and keep asking them about the wage. That ought to do it.

Or you can do it like this:

VZELzn6207c

[Decommissioner]

Ask them about time off, and the specifics of the time off, and tell them you will be calling in a lot so you can hang out with friends/gf/go to shows/play with band. I would be surprised if they hired you after that point.

[Sasha]

A while ago here someone applied for a cop job and he was so eager to show how much he wanted to become a pig he brought his own (illegal) gun :D
Funny enough he didn't get hired...

[phyrrus9]

go in dressed in a monkey suit

[Revolutionair]

Ask them about time off, and the specifics of the time off, and tell them you will be calling in a lot so you can hang out with friends/gf/go to shows/play with band. I would be surprised if they hired you after that point.

I'm pretty sure that that is not allowed, IE they will just say you messed up on purpose.

[xub3rn00dlex]

Eat some spicy food, beans, bacon egg and cheese sandwhich. Fart uncontrollably during the imterview, use lots of slang talk, use offensive language, etc

[Revolutionair]

Yeah slang is a good idea.

Also, I think the best way to avoid situations like these, is to just find a steady job with reasonable pay. Sadly there aren't that many of those. :(

[The Douche]

More help:

5hWIr9_noRo

[Susurrus]

Dress as either the Joker or Joseph Stalin and stay in character.

[The Dark Side of the Moon]

but i would hire joseph stalin......


yea, just do whatever makes you happy

i didnt even apply for my job. just showed up one day:D

[Meridian]

If they ask you if you are loyal, say; yes, you are very loyal, in fact so loyal that you'll always go to the place that values loyalty the most.

If they don't pick up on that, then ask if you can go to the bathroom, then stay in the bathroom for 20 minutes before returning and mentioning that you are a bit short on time.

[Rusty Shackleford]

start talking about the company's competition in a good light.

answer things in funny ways, slangy, or constantly switch between english and swedish(you are swedish right?).

ask how much the interviewer makes, how much the owner makes, ask if you can take extra breaks or whatever.

walk in with some take-out food and eat it during the interview, responding with food in your mouth?

i really dont know. im shocked its actually hard to not get a job...

[Veovis]

Mention that one of your hobbies is left-wing radicalism.

[Ostrinski]

Some excellent suggestions in this thread. Any combination of these should guarantee you not to get the job. Dress like shit, don't take a shower before you go, go on about your wage, be rude (cuss, use slang, just don't be polite), and you should be golden. You could get a little more excessive for fun, though.

[Blackburn]

I once lost a potential job in an interview by trying to answer that stupid "where do you want to be in 5 years" question but saying I wanted to get into management/be successful blah blah. Got told I was too ambitious. The reality was I just made up BS I thought they wanted to hear.

[Rusty Shackleford]

oh, if your interviewer says something that is supposed to be funny, laugh like woody woodpecker. and laugh EVERY TIME like woody woodpecker.

[Commissar Rykov]

I find being irrational and argumentative for small points typically causes them to back away. I had the same problem when I was on Unemployment Benefits and got a call in for a job that paid far less than I was currently getting in benefits to the point that it would not be enough to pay for what I needed. So once I found that out during the interview I went into irrational mode. I asked about 4 or 5 times what I would be doing at work and then demanding to know the intimate details for some random task and just kept repeating by asking what were my job requirements and then asking about another random task. By the end of it the guy's face was beet red and I topped it off with, "So when can I start." Some reason I didn't get a call back.;)

[Veovis]

I find being irrational and argumentative for small points typically causes them to back away. I had the same problem when I was on Unemployment Benefits and got a call in for a job that paid far less than I was currently getting in benefits to the point that it would not be enough to pay for what I needed. So once I found that out during the interview I went into irrational mode. I asked about 4 or 5 times what I would be doing at work and then demanding to know the intimate details for some random task and just kept repeating by asking what were my job requirements and then asking about another random task. By the end of it the guy's face was beet red and I topped it off with, "So when can I start." Some reason I didn't get a call back.;)

Beautiful. Subtle, yet effective. :thumbup1:

[piet11111]

I asked about 4 or 5 times what I would be doing at work and then demanding to know the intimate details for some random task and just kept repeating by asking what were my job requirements and then asking about another random task.

Brilliant !

Also guys the point of the thread is to get rejected without them being able to say to the social security office that you did it on purpose so dressing up like stalin will get his benefits cut.

[Susurrus]

Only speak Russian.

[SHORAS]

Just make sure the interviewer doesn't like you. Don't show any interest in the job at the interview. If they ask you to write anything/fill in a questionnaire do it badly etc.
If you get desperate swear at the interviewer or something, it's not the worst thing in the world.

I was in a similar situation a while back, my main tactic was to make it look like the job would be too difficult for me by going back over one particular point again and again about the job to make it sound like it would be very difficult for me to carry out my tasks/duties.

Good luck in not getting the job! :D

[SHORAS]

I once lost a potential job in an interview by trying to answer that stupid "where do you want to be in 5 years" question but saying I wanted to get into management/be successful blah blah. Got told I was too ambitious. The reality was I just made up BS I thought they wanted to hear.

I don't get it. Isn't that the kind of bollocks you're supposed to come out with?

At a job interview a very long time ago a question on a form was what was your dream job, I wrote professional poker player (lol). When I came to the interview bit he was laughing as he mentioned it. A job later I was playing poker for a living. It turns out it wasn't a dream job (there isn't one). Was better than that fucking job though!

[#FF0000]

literally void your bowels as they ask the first question

[IndependentCitizen]

Wear leather skin tight trousers and take Viagra beforehand.

[brigadista]

remember the basis of every interview from these interviewers perspectives is that old chesnut-
does the employee meet the criteria of FIFO ie: Fit In or Fuck Off [otherwise known as will make no trouble]...so .....

[Искра]

Well, I can't help you, cause all jobs I get I get trough connections. Yeah, I know that many of you would say "that's not moral" or "that's bad", but fuck it, when 43% of workforce is unemployed you don't think about morals. I have 3 jobs and my paychecks is like 3000 HRK a month, which is little bit higher than avarage pay in Croatia... for one job :rolleyes:

So, basicaly my "interviews" go like: are you friend of XY - Yes - Ok, come here and I'll show you what you have to do.

[Die Rote Fahne]

Mention that you are an avid unionist, and intend to unionize the place. Go so far as to claim you are a member of the IWW, or some random union.

Don't keep eye contact.

Answer questions the wrong way.

Get the interviewers name wrong.

[IndependentCitizen]

Well, I can't help you, cause all jobs I get I get trough connections. Yeah, I know that many of you would say "that's not moral" or "that's bad", but fuck it, when 43% of workforce is unemployed you don't think about morals. I have 3 jobs and my paychecks is like 3000 HRK a month, which is little bit higher than avarage pay in Croatia... for one job :rolleyes:

So, basicaly my "interviews" go like: are you friend of XY - Yes - Ok, come here and I'll show you what you have to do.
You can oppose capitalism, however fighting capitalism by not participating in the production side, that's suicide. We need to survive, and for the time being, we must do what is needed.

I have no idea how much 3000HRK p/m is in GBP, but sounds nice. Shame you're working 3 jobs though.

[Искра]

Mention that you are an avid unionist, and intend to unionize the place.In Croatia that could acutally be useful, as unions co-op with bosses :D

[Manic Impressive]

I don't think that's immoral at all most of the jobs I've ever had have been through connections. That's the best way to find a fucking job in the first place. Also nobody should be basing any decision on morals. fuck morals

[Die Rote Fahne]

literally void your bowels as they ask the first question

This has to be the best answer, for anything, I've ever read in my life.

[Искра]

I have no idea how much 3000HRK p/m is in GBP, but sounds nice.
It's 344 GBP / 400 € / 535 $ according to Google ;)

[Leftsolidarity]

Say a lot of "umms" and stumble on your words. Repeat yourself and sound irrational. Dress up so that they can't say you tried to look bad but have something not matching/stained/etc. Don't brush your teeth. Ask repeated about your wage and sound upset at the answer. Have bad manners such as interupting the interviewer, talking strangely loud/quiet, pick your nose, whatever works. Make it sound like you would not be able to perform your job duties very well and that your availability is rather limited. Use a lot of slang and maybe through in a funny story about you doing something stupid piss drunk.

My friend (who was 17 at the time) got a job even though during his interview he was asked if he was good at multitasking and he responded with "pfftt of course, I can light a smoke, pour a drink, make some ramen, and text a hot chick all at the same time"

[Искра]

Anyhow this thread reminds me of this song:

The offered me the office, offered me the shop
They said I'd better take anything they'd got
Do you wanna make tea at the BBC?
Do you wanna be, do you really wanna be a cop?

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep you out the dock
Career opportunity, the ones that never knock

Fuck capitalism! :lol:

[Comrade Gwydion]

On a different note.... Do individual revlefters have any moral opinion on intentionally failing job interviews to stay on unemployment benefits?

Not saying the OP (or any others around here that have intentionally failed a job interview) is a bad person, but just wondering....

[Leftsolidarity]

On a different note.... Do individual revlefters have any moral opinion on intentionally failing job interviews to stay on unemployment benefits?

Not saying the OP (or any others around here that have intentionally failed a job interview) is a bad person, but just wondering....

No, if the job is going to exploit your labor and give you less to live on that what you can get from the state, I have no problem in trying to not get the job. They are just trying to exploit you as efficiently as possible. Sure, get a job if you can but only if you can actually live on it.

[Искра]

What's problem with unemployement benefits? If you need money - you need money. Jeeez in some parts of Croatia unemployement is like 43%. So what should all those people do? Die of hunger?

[SHORAS]

Anyhow this thread reminds me of this song:

The offered me the office, offered me the shop
They said I'd better take anything they'd got
Do you wanna make tea at the BBC?
Do you wanna be, do you really wanna be a cop?

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep you out the dock
Career opportunity, the ones that never knock

Fuck capitalism! :lol:

In a strange almost mystical fashion I had that song blaring out my car stereo once and while I was passing some British Army recruiters outside a castle no less the line comes on about not working for the Army, don't wanna get blown up or whatever. Mulder and Scully like.

[SHORAS]

What's problem with unemployement benefits? If you need money - you need money. Jeeez in some parts of Croatia unemployement is like 43%. So what should all those people do? Die of hunger?

YES. If they were REAL proletarians they would work for a living. Scroungers, nothing more.

:lol:

[Commissar Rykov]

On a different note.... Do individual revlefters have any moral opinion on intentionally failing job interviews to stay on unemployment benefits?

Not saying the OP (or any others around here that have intentionally failed a job interview) is a bad person, but just wondering....

A lot of employers try to exploit that you are on Unemployment by offering you shit pay because they know you technically can't outright turn it down. Thus sabotage which I find perfectly acceptable within the workplace is just as useful in the interview process. Morals don't mean shit if you can't feed or house yourself.

[#FF0000]

On a different note.... Do individual revlefters have any moral opinion on intentionally failing job interviews to stay on unemployment benefits?

Not saying the OP (or any others around here that have intentionally failed a job interview) is a bad person, but just wondering....

If the job pays less than what you're getting? Nope.

[Crux]

On a different note.... Do individual revlefters have any moral opinion on intentionally failing job interviews to stay on unemployment benefits?

Not saying the OP (or any others around here that have intentionally failed a job interview) is a bad person, but just wondering....
I'd take the job if it weren't for the fact that, especially given you pay your own travel expenses, I would earn less than what I do staying on wellfare. Anyway, fucked up good and proper.

[BOZG]

start talking about the company's competition in a good light.

answer things in funny ways, slangy, or constantly switch between english and swedish(you are swedish right?).

That's pretty much how Swedes speak normally. They're always throwing English into their sentences. Very annoying on public transport when you're able to ignore conversations around you because you can't follow the language and then someone throws in an English phrase and it grabs your attention.

[Prometeo liberado]

I would start by asking for coffee, then if they actually bring it tell them that you dont drink coffee, You just wanted to know. Then ask them if they will drug test you, if the answer is yes ask if you can re-scheduele the interview in say....30 days. And always smile, because its a good day.

[Q]

Mention that you're a communist and want to overthrow the capitalist social order.

Will work guaranteed.

[MattShizzle]

Show up drunk.

[Lenina Rosenweg]

In the US for a job interview (a retail sales clerk position) I had to fill out a questioner of which one question asked me to state, honestly how much money I stole from my previous employer. I was to check off A)5$ B)$10 C) over 20$ D) over $100 or E) none at all.I really needed the job so I regretfully checked E. There were other similar questions, an insult to my intelligence.

If you want to screw up the interview as others said talk about your interest in revolutionary politics. Mention, as an aside, how much you've pinched from previous employers. Bad talk previous bosses, "that guy was really dumb, he didn't catch us when..." Don't take a shower for 2 days.Make sure they can smell booze on your breath.

Something I read in a satire magazine years ago. Ask if you can smoke. When the interviewer says, "sure", take out a 2 foot high bong out of your knapsack. After toking, offer the interviewer a hit. When he shakes his head, be insistent.

Hope things work out, or rather I should say, I hope things don't work out.