How?

[Coyote]

How is it possible to stop caring for someone? There is a person who I love more than anything in the entire world and I can't stop loving her. No matter what I will always feel that special connection to her regardless of how much I wish I did not.

[mrmikhail]

Well comrade, this is something that only time can achieve. I know well of the condition you speak, I have been there myself, but over the weeks/months/years it gets easier. You may never stop caring/loving this person, but you will grow to a point of getting past it and look at your history with her fondly, and without pain.

[Tablo]

Indeed. Time makes things easier and helps you to leave such feelings behind.

[Coyote]

I honestly don't know if it's possible to leave my feelings behind. It's already been years and I still care as much about this person as when I first fell in love with her. Every time I even look upon her face brings me excruciating pain.

[mrmikhail]

It is only possible it to allow it to happen, as long as you psychologically hold on to what you have or had with this female, then you can never grow past it. The first step is to let go, so to speak, of what you had in the past, realise that is is gone and accept it. From there you can begin to move on, though it will still be a slow process, it can happen.

Also another thing you can try is to talk with her about it, maybe get more closure, and such with her.

[Sputnik_1]

matter of time. Most of people been through it. I thought that my life was ruined after being left by a loved person and been through hell after that (ended up with me refusing to eat and taking anti depressants, well it was also caused by a whole bunch of things that happened all at once at the time). Now I'm glad that what I was perceiving as painful and "the end of my life" actually happened, cause i would never meet my husband if it didn't.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

Just become numb to all feelings.

[mrmikhail]

Just become numb to all feelings.

That works if you don't mind becoming cold hearted :unsure:

[A Revolutionary Tool]

That works if you don't mind becoming cold hearted :unsure:
True, true.

[Tablo]

Honestly, I think you can get over it. I've been having feelings towards my best friend, but I just look at it in a very rational way. It is all just chemical releases in the brain with the sole purpose of pushing me towards creating offspring. For fun just right a scholarly paper on the science behind love. My whole perspective has shifted since doing that for school. I honestly don't know what to say. There are no easy fixes for this and I'm just offering advice from my own experience...

[Ernesto Che Makuc]

live on if you are going to be *****ing under your bed how you lost your girlfirend that isnt going to help. Go out and start living! Life is changing around us you need to adopt,and dont think that this is your firs and last crush. There are going to be much more crushes in the future my friend

[mrmikhail]

live on if you are going to be *****ing under your bed how you lost your girlfirend that isnt going to help. Go out and start living! Life is changing around us you need to adopt,and dont think that this is your firs and last crush. There are going to be much more crushes in the future my friend

No need to be a dick about that though....

[ВАЛТЕР]

You can make yourself hate her, I did that before. It worked for me, now I view the girl with nothing but contempt. You just put the blame on her for your feeling that way, then convince yourself she did it on purpose to hurt you.

Basically detatch yourself from her and refuse to talk to her. Make it a point to try and anger her, piss her off, or sabotage her at every turn. Be petty and uncompromising.

Maybe not psychologically the best way to do it, but it is the fastest in my experience.

[Smyg]

Valter, that sounds pretty... horrifying.

Best of luck overcoming it, I sure haven't.

[Fopeos]

Know how you feel. I still think of an old girlfriend from 10 years ago. It's no different than mourning a deceased loved one, the pain recedes further and further with time and experience. I fully love the woman i'm with today, far more than any exes, but that doesn't erase some very fond memories. Hang-in there comrade, it only gets better.

[Coyote]

Thanks for the advice, guys. Also, sorry for my drunken moment of depression that I brought to revleft. I'm a little bit embarrassed now but these things happen I suppose.

[tir1944]

What? Why would you stop loving someone? Love is a beautiful feeling...

[Coyote]

What? Why would you stop loving someone? Love is a beautiful feeling...

I agree it's a beautiful feeling. However, my feelings for this girl have been the same ever since I first met her four years ago. My feelings for her send me into a random bout of sadness from time to time (last night for instance). Hence my desire to stop caring for her. It doesn't help that I've seen her treated like trash (beaten up, raped, neglected, etc) by every person she's been with because I actually cherish her very much. I just really hate seeing her being treated poorly, and I hate that caring for her makes me feel bad.

[Smyg]

Oh god, the above post made me realise my situation is very similar. Dammit.

[mrmikhail]

I agree it's a beautiful feeling. However, my feelings for this girl have been the same ever since I first met her four years ago. My feelings for her send me into a random bout of sadness from time to time (last night for instance). Hence my desire to stop caring for her. It doesn't help that I've seen her treated like trash (beaten up, raped, neglected, etc) by every person she's been with because I actually cherish her very much. I just really hate seeing her being treated poorly, and I hate that caring for her makes me feel bad.

Have you spoken to her about your feelings? Maybe this could help.

[mrmikhail]

You can make yourself hate her, I did that before. It worked for me, now I view the girl with nothing but contempt. You just put the blame on her for your feeling that way, then convince yourself she did it on purpose to hurt you.

Basically detatch yourself from her and refuse to talk to her. Make it a point to try and anger her, piss her off, or sabotage her at every turn. Be petty and uncompromising.

Maybe not psychologically the best way to do it, but it is the fastest in my experience.

That...uhh....sounds rather vindictive comrade :huh:

[ВАЛТЕР]

That...uhh....sounds rather vindictive comrade :huh:

It is, but it helped me cope.:closedeyes:

So to each his own I guess.

[mrmikhail]

It is, but it helped me cope.:closedeyes:

So to each his own I guess.

Indeed a fact, I personally learned to control my brain's memory and thus am able to completely forget about people and all memories of them....took many years to master it but nowadays I can forget anyone I formerly cared about in a heart beat. Apparently my doctor thinks this is a bad psychological way of handling things, but hey, it works for me 100% of the time, so I'm not complaining

[Coyote]

Oh god, the above post made me realise my situation is very similar. Dammit.

I suppose it's nice to be able to relate to someone even if what you have in common is kinda sad, haha.


Have you spoken to her about your feelings? Maybe this could help.

I've tried to show her how I feel through my actions. I'm always the one who would do whatever possible to help her out whenever things were bringing her down or something bad was happening.

[mrmikhail]

I've tried to show her how I feel through my actions. I'm always the one who would do whatever possible to help her out whenever things were bringing her down or something bad was happening.

Well sometimes you have to tell her directly, she may interpret your actions as those of a friend, and not of someone who truly has *those* kinds of feelings for her. Just try to sit down with her and have a long talk about how you feel about her, how you hate how she has been mistreated, and how you wish to be with her, ect.

At the very least this will let her know how you feel, and maybe you two can end up together, you'll never know if you don't try, comrade. Don't let your chance be missed, I have been there before and it is the only thing I've ever regretted in life....I missed my chance and now she has passed away (committed suicide very recently due to how bad thing were going in her life, how bad people were treating her, and such). So please, comrade, take the chance and talk to her about it.

[Coyote]

Well sometimes you have to tell her directly, she may interpret your actions as those of a friend, and not of someone who truly has *those* kinds of feelings for her. Just try to sit down with her and have a long talk about how you feel about her, how you hate how she has been mistreated, and how you wish to be with her, ect.

At the very least this will let her know how you feel, and maybe you two can end up together, you'll never know if you don't try, comrade. Don't let your chance be missed, I have been there before and it is the only thing I've ever regretted in life....I missed my chance and now she has passed away (committed suicide very recently due to how bad thing were going in her life, how bad people were treating her, and such). So please, comrade, take the chance and talk to her about it.

I've tried talking with her about it before and I feel like I at least succeeded in getting it through her head that she deserves someone better than a sexist pig. I feel like the lesson never sticks though. I stood up to her ex-husband, who is probably the poorest excuse for a human being I can imagine. Without a doubt she was the victim of the worst spousal abuse I've personally seen or heard of. Now she's with some one who is not as bad, but is still pretty terrible, and pretty fascistic on top of that. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, comrade, and I thank you for your advice. It is very much appreciated.

[mrmikhail]

I've tried talking with her about it before and I feel like I at least succeeded in getting it through her head that she deserves someone better than a sexist pig. I feel like the lesson never sticks though. I stood up to her ex-husband, who is probably the poorest excuse for a human being I can imagine. Without a doubt she was the victim of the worst spousal abuse I've personally seen or heard of. Now she's with some one who is not as bad, but is still pretty terrible, and pretty fascistic on top of that. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, comrade, and I thank you for your advice. It is very much appreciated.

Well it is good you've had some impact on her life, and have stood up for her. My advice would be to be persistent and perhaps she will finally see how terrible these people are treating her, and that you can build up her self-worth enough to leave her, and perhaps be with you.

and I thank you for your sympathy comrade, I only recently got the notification of it (it occurred last night) so I'm still in a pretty shocked state about it. But you are most welcome for the advice, if anything I do like helping others with my own experience so they won't have to go through the hurt I have in life.

[Coyote]

Well it is good you've had some impact on her life, and have stood up for her. My advice would be to be persistent and perhaps she will finally see how terrible these people are treating her, and that you can build up her self-worth enough to leave her, and perhaps be with you.

and I thank you for your sympathy comrade, I only recently got the notification of it (it occurred last night) so I'm still in a pretty shocked state about it. But you are most welcome for the advice, if anything I do like helping others with my own experience so they won't have to go through the hurt I have in life.

I suppose one can only hope.

That's a horrible thing to hear, man. I hope you make it through okay. I can't imagine how that would be but I extend my friendship and solidarity to you, comrade. The only real advice I feel would be appropriate would be a little something Lenin said. "The most important thing when ill is to never lose heart."

[mrmikhail]

I suppose one can only hope.

That's a horrible thing to hear, man. I hope you make it through okay. I can't imagine how that would be but I extend my friendship and solidarity to you, comrade. The only real advice I feel would be appropriate would be a little something Lenin said. "The most important thing when ill is to never lose heart."

I have been through this before, and I support I shall make it through again, as in the quote you mentioned, you must maintain your strength/heart to make it through the hard times. I thank you for your support comrade, I really appreciate it.

[Chambered Word]

It is, but it helped me cope.:closedeyes:

So to each his own I guess.

Used to do this years ago and I know other people who have, trust me, it's not good in the long term. You'll turn into a bitter, negative creep eventually and it's just not a mature way to handle things.

I'd say you should just treat it as if it was a big deal, but not something you can't overcome - just accept it as a manageable crisis, give it time, occupy yourself with something you enjoy instead of thinking about it and you'll soon feel better. Time really helps, I know from experience. Self-loathing or making yourself hate her will only bring down your self-esteem in the long run.