Monty Python

[Dr. Rosenpenis]

Monty Python's songs don't have much to offer musicaly, but the lyrics are absolytely hilarious.

Here's the Sperm song from The Meaning of Life
DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,
Because
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.
MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,...
CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.
PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed...
CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!
CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody's.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!
NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.
EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!

Here's the Lumberjack song from the Flying Circus
BARBER:
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.
MOUNTIES:
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
BARBER:
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.
MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
BARBER:
I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.
MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
BARBER:
I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.
MOUNTIES:
He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!
[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!
[singing]
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

[Invader Zim]

Always look on the bright side of life VC.

[Goldfinger]

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

[Mr Mojo Risin]

hip hip hooray for my heat seeking moisture missle!!

I happen to own the "Monty Python instant record collection" CD. It has several good ones on it, including "the death of Mary, queen of scots."

[Hate Is Art]

they are so poetic!

[Mr Mojo Risin]

poetic, and subtle too. I hardly know what they are talking about.

[Rastafari]

I have the two cd set with cow innards on the front.


(spoken) The world today is absolutely cracked. With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high. There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger. It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why... (singing)

I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They only come up to you knees,
Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to to please.

I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today,
You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say.

I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute, and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.

I like Chinese food,
The waiters never are rude,
Think the many things they've done to impress,
There's Maoism, Taoism, I-ching and chess.

I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their Ying and Yang-ese.

I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucius taught,
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.

So, I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They only come up to you knees,
Yet they're wise, and they're witty, and they're ready to please

Wo ai Zhongguo ren,
Wo ai Zhongguo ren,
Wo ai Zhongguo ren,
Ni hao ma, Ni hao ma, Ni hao ma, Zai jian.

I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They're food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine and lychees

I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-ese

I like Chinese, I like Chinese, (fade out....) .


hohoho teeheehee
eric the half-a-bee

[Dr. Rosenpenis]

I like Chinese is one of my favourites too. Eric Idle is a genius!

Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?

But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?

La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.

Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!

Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.

I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.

He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.

John Cleese sings it if I'm not mistaken.

[Mr Mojo Risin]

haven't heard of that cd set, but the cow innards on the cover sounds distinctly monty python. And I too like chinese.

but i can't believe that anyone would actually try to sell egg "POO" young. that stuff's just a couple big greasy eggs in a box.

But monty python is good nonetheless.
"Bravely rode sir robin,
come forth from Camelot"

[Rastafari]

too bad the dorks (of which I am, I suppose. Or was) have abducted that movie.

[Mr Mojo Risin]

yeah i know lots of people who dig it, ted hall especially. But that was Way back when...

[Rastafari]

Ni, mutha fucka!

[Mr Mojo Risin]

hehehehhe.. that was before he slapped chris in the face though. that was funny though. NI

[Rastafari]

if not sad.