Am I assexual

[∞]

I used to feel drives sexually, but I just don't anymore. During the act of masturbation I only feel as though I'm trying to get it out, not visualizing or imagining anything in particular. But sometime I do feel attracted to women, just not most of the time. I've never been in love (but I'm pretty young), though I can't understand this concept at all. I always as a child would imagine myself as an adult with one child but no wife, and was repulsed by the concept of sex til about 13. From then on I feel apathetic about it.

[OHumanista]

You need help, serious help :D You are a sick sick person
(nevermind me just kidding)
But I can't relate to your problem because I am utterly uncapable of understanding it

[Nox]

and was repulsed by the concept of sex til about 13.

That's normal.

I felt no attraction to the lower-area of girls until I was around 14-15. It's part of puberty to start to feel attracted to that area.

[pax et aequalitas]

Eh, I'm no expert, but if you are sometimes, even though rarely, attracted to women I think ya are still a heterosexual, just no completely obsessed with sex. I might be incorrect though, so don't trust me :p

[Zav]

You could be asexual, or you may have a very low sex drive. We really can't tell you what to label yourself.

[Kitty_Paine]

I used to feel drives sexually, but I just don't anymore. During the act of masturbation I only feel as though I'm trying to get it out, not visualizing or imagining anything in particular. But sometime I do feel attracted to women, just not most of the time. I've never been in love (but I'm pretty young), though I can't understand this concept at all. I always as a child would imagine myself as an adult with one child but no wife, and was repulsed by the concept of sex til about 13. From then on I feel apathetic about it.

I don't think never being in love is quite an issue, as like you said you are young. I don't think I've ever really been in love before either but I'm not worried about it. And if it makes you feel better I've known men who went further than 13 years of age and still found it repulsive; and they turned out heterosexual in the end. Have you ruled out homosexuality?

But I'm having trouble pin-pointing what exactly your asking for or what you want addressed specifically... :huh:

[Queercommie Girl]

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with asexuality at all. All this obsession with "sex" in popular bourgeois culture is BS. Asexual people deserve the same kind of rights and respect as LGBT people do.

In fact, in some LGBT groups I've interacted with, they actually explicitly include "asexual rights" within their activism.

[∞]

That's normal.

I felt no attraction to the lower-area of girls until I was around 14-15. It's part of puberty to start to feel attracted to that area.

I actually can't stand that region still.

[∞]

I don't think never being in love is quite an issue, as like you said you are young. I don't think I've ever really been in love before either but I'm not worried about it. And if it makes you feel better I've known men who went further than 13 years of age and still found it repulsive; and they turned out heterosexual in the end. Have you ruled out homosexuality?

But I'm having trouble pin-pointing what exactly your asking for or what you want addressed specifically... :huh:

I'm very sure I'm not a homosexual. I honestly feel really repulsed by penises and the like. But I don't like the vagina too much either.

[RedZezz]

I have heard of an asexual society before. If wikipedia is to be believed, their is one called the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). Maybe you can find whatever your looking for there.

[Kitty_Paine]

I'm very sure I'm not a homosexual. I honestly feel really repulsed by penises and the like. But I don't like the vagina too much either.

Does it bother you to feel this way? Would you like to have sexual desire towards women more? Or are you just expressing concern because you feel it's not "normal"?

Because I say, if it does't bother you and you're just concerned because it doesn't seem "normal"... then fuck 'um! Who cares... just do what you do and forget "normal"... normal is boring anyways...:lol:

[∞]

I kind of hope to be more like this honestly. I feel alot more logical when I view the act of sex without my "id" so to say.

[Scarlet Fever]

As has been said, asexuality is a perfectly normal condition. A couple things to keep in mind: the ability to fall in love is not the same thing as one's sex drive. Plenty of asexual people have satisfying romantic relationships--just without sex. (There are also asexual people who are also aromantic, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, either.) It also helps to know that sexuality can have fluidity. In any case, my advice is to listen to yourself and give yourself time.

[∞]

I would have to say thus far, that I am aromantic.

[Kitty_Paine]

I kind of hope to be more like this honestly. I feel alot more logical when I view the act of sex without my "id" so to say.

I understand completely viewing sex without the "id" which can sometimes lead people to make stupid decisions and act against their true-selves.

It is also worth considering the more "logical" reasons for sex; like wanting kids for example.

There are also "emotional" reasons; like forming an intimate experience with someone you love and building trust through, etc.

So just because pleasure isn't a motivator for you doesn't rule out the "benefits" or experiences you may gain by having sex in the future. I hope I explained that right... :lol:

But again, if you don't feel the need in anyway to have sex then don't. It's perfectly fine. Just don't rule out the other reasons there are for having it.

[ZeroNowhere]

Welcome to the club.

On a more serious note, generally asexual organizations vary when it comes to how strictly they define asexuality. The aforementioned AVEN, for example, are quite lenient, while others can sometimes be rather picky when it comes to who qualifies as asexual. AVEN would probably consider you an asexual, I suspect, and given that they're one of the most significant ace organizations at present, and that generally attempts to publicize asexuality come from their viewpoint, you'd probably be fine calling yourself one in public.

When it comes to having felt sexual drives previously, that's actually something felt by quite a few asexuals, and you'll find it mentioned by many asexuals who began to call themselves such around the 16-26 age bracket. They often tend to have masturbated previously, and sometimes still do (quite a few aces masturbate; I don't, but I suppose that liking orgasms isn't the same thing as being sexually attracted to someone), and sometimes still do feel some forms of attraction towards people, although generally only in small phases as a sort of self-conscious, short respite or bout of nostalgia (the kind that makes people suddenly decide to play old Pokemon games for a week or so, although doing so does not make them Pokemon fans per se). Of course, there's also the type of attraction that some asexuals like to call 'aesthetic attraction', which I've always said is a rather grand name for something shallow, but which is nonetheless not sexual in nature per se.

I actually find this kind of thing really interesting, as it does seem to suggest that sexuality is on some level socially constructed, insofar as these aces often seem to themselves to be sexually attracted to people at one point, generally in a way involving attraction to conventional symbols (eg. breasts, orgasms, moans, etc.) but then later on tend to see this prior attraction as not in fact 'proper' sexual attraction per se, but rather simply a sort of dutiful reaction to these symbols which they eventually realize to be such. While this might just be some sort of retrospect thing, it essentially boils down to the idea that knowing the social expectations of sexuality, and its general symbolisms and idealizations, are more or less enough to make somebody act sexual and seem sexual to themselves despite the fact that they are, ultimately, asexual, and can drop the whole sexual baggage quite easily as soon as they stop putting their effort into it. Funnily enough, I know a couple of people who've found themselves to be asexual because when they fell in love with a person, they couldn't think of that person in a sexual manner (it seemed degrading, etc.), and in the process realized that when it came to sexuality they were never really particularly attracted to particular people and could swap one person for another (within certain constraints) so long as they kept the symbolism (eg. pillow talk, etc.) constant. After this, they more or less just dropped the whole sexual attraction thing altogether, since they didn't try to insert people into such roles and hence fell out of favour with breasts and the like. I've been told by some that acts like masturbation did feed into the earlier sense of being sexual, insofar as everybody did it, and their success in gaining pleasure from it seemed to establish them as more or less normal; I'm not sure about the details of this, but apparently some details of how masturbation works as regards breathing patterns and such can allow this kind of role-playing to have the same effect as conventional sexuality. There's a natural facet to things, then, although with sexuality that shouldn't be surprising.

It's pretty evident that sexuality is on some level socially constructed, insofar as people from different cultures and such can get stimulated by quite different and various things. However, what this kind of thing suggests is that sexuality is, insofar as it is socially constructed, also potentially fluid, and that at the same time its natural aspects are mediated through social construction in gaining their significance, to a greater or lesser degree. Of course, I doubt that, say, homosexuals are such due to society's expectations, but nonetheless if these kinds of cases are factual one can conclude either that sexuality which is just socially stimulated can appear just as genuine and natural as natural sexuality, which would certainly be significant, or that these asexuals were in fact natural sexuals, but then through personal factors such as personality, social influence and thought eventually left this sexuality behind, which is equally significant insofar as it suggests that sexuality can cease to burn if people do not bother feeding it. In any case, it would seem to suggest that the division between asexuality and sexuality is a bit more blurry round the edges than the clear-cut definitions would seem to suggest; sexuality does not exist so much as a fixed category in which people are placed by their genes, as if sorted by the hat in that mediocre children's series, and shall then forever remain, but rather exist in their own flux and self-reproduction, continually becoming themselves and being themselves by this becoming, somewhat like species of animals (which hence likewise are not absolutely segregated, but fall into many intermediates and so on).

Don't ask me about demisexuals, though. I'm not sure if anyone who isn't demisexual can wrap their heads around demisexuality.


I would have to say thus far, that I am aromantic.
Same here. However, you'd better keep aware of that 'thus far'; what I mean is, savour the moment and make fun of romance as much as you can before you fall victim to it.

[ZeroNowhere]

It is also worth considering the more "logical" reasons for sex; like wanting kids for example.It's good that you put 'logical' in quotation marks.

[Kitty_Paine]

It's good that you put 'logical' in quotation marks.

I knew what I was doing :lol:

I understand that what "Logic" is, is highly debatable... But I meant more or less the Natural purpose of sex is to have kids. Just like any animal... :p

[TheGodlessUtopian]

If you still can occasionally have sexual desires towards women it sounds like you just have a low sex drive (not that anything is wrong with that,I personally feel that life was a lot simpler without sexual attractions).

[∞]

Yeah I think I may have an abnormally low sex-drive combined with very weak emotions that probably means I'm aromantic. Idk if thats considered asexual but I'm certain its not the norm.

[Hiero]

Dude your 17, don't worry about what you are or supposed to be.

I am not doubting there is asexuality or that you are asexual, but I have seen young guys call themselves "asexual" because they are not sexually active or actively persuing sex, upon meeting a girl they like who is interested in them asexuality flies out the door.

You have to ask yourself am I trying to rationalise my current situation through sexual identities? Being 17 I gather from my own experience guys are starting to talk about what sex they have had and if you haven't had any you may try to rationalise "oh I am asexual".

The other question is about sexual attraction, with a bit of self control you can block out sexual attraction in the visual sense. However this is different to how a person feels and smells whether male of female. Being turned on is a processes, the site of boobs or vagina might not turn you on, but the feeling of both or the smell of a vagina turn on your sexual drive.

What I am trying to say is don't try and find out who you are in a logical waty, but explore your "being-in-the-world" in a more sensual and pratical way and give it time. The harmfull thing youth/teenagers do is try to map out who they are at such a young age, when you have a life time of experiences left. And there is nothing worse then adults say "yep you are this, sign the membership form"

Again I am not doubting asexuality, I know people would identify asexuality if they took the time to think about it.


Yeah I think I may have an abnormally low sex-drive combined with very weak emotions that probably means I'm aromantic. Idk if thats considered asexual but I'm certain its not the norm.

It could be quite normal. Current capitalist and consumerist culture pressures people to be hedonistic, there is always a imperative push to "enjoy" as Zizek notes. Feeling non-hedonistic as in not feeling all loving, all accepting and restraint free is pathologised.They uses of Viagra on healthy men is an example. Now love and sex has become commodified in the consumption model.

[Blackscare]

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with asexuality at all. All this obsession with "sex" in popular bourgeois culture is BS. Asexual people deserve the same kind of rights and respect as LGBT people do.

In fact, in some LGBT groups I've interacted with, they actually explicitly include "asexual rights" within their activism.

I'm not trying to be offensive or thick, really, but I can't imagine what the necessity would be of fighting for "asexual rights" or what exactly they would even entail. Is there discrimination against asexual people? I'm being serious, it never occured to me that that could be an issue. I mean, the whole thing is they're not doing something, I don't even know how someone could be "outed" or singled out in the first place. I mean, I suppose I'm down and supportive, I can't see why not, but I can't imagine me ever really having to put that position into practice either.




As to the OP, sounds like you just have a low sex drive given that occasionally you seem to be attracted to womenfolk. Also, you probably can't imagine love because it's a chemical in your brain that hasn't been released yet. It probably will, one day, in the worst possible situation with the worst possible person who will turn out to be insane and leave you for her boss at Publix. Whoa, that got a little cathartic. Anyway, yea, it's just a chemical, nothing too special about it. Are you depressed? I went through a spell of depression (haha, "a" spell) and had basically the same apathy. It goes away, booze helps a bit too. Don't let any teachers or doctors tell you different.




I'm generally apathetic, I can take sex or leave it, but when I'm doing it I certainly enjoy it. And occasionally, when it's readily available, I'll pursue it. But I could go for 6 months dry with no problem. Maybe you just don't give much of a shit about things in general, which is a trait I admire in a person. Right now I'm in a relationship and my partner has a higher sex drive than me. I oblige and I enjoy it but I don't initiate because, well, I know it's going to happen relatively soon in any case so why bother.

[Blackscare]

And yea, I agree with the guy above me. As a sexual minority and a former president of the GSA at my HS (lol, that sounds so goofy, I GOT THE GAY STREET CRED GUYS), I think waaaaaayyyy too many young people try to classify the shit out of themselves way too early. And a lot of misguided but sincerely well meaning people think that being supportive, which is of course is a good thing, is somehow mutually exclusive with encouraging introspection and a reluctance to put oneself into a neat little box.


The grey area is where it's at, in all facets of life. If you want to start making broad statements about yourself and things you assume, with no experience, that you'll never be interested in, go ahead, but life (especially after highschool) has a way of demolishing all those little theories you have about yourself.

[∞]

Maybe you just don't give much of a shit about things in general, which is a trait I admire in a person.r.

I can't give a shit unless it has to do with something do with sciences/maths/philosophies/politics/, then I can pay attention.

I'm not particularly depressed right now, just annoyed of school. I am just realizing how very apathetic I am about everything compared to everyone else I know, and I'm just trying to find why I act so "weird" compared to everyone else.

[Blackscare]

I can't give a shit unless it has to do with something do with sciences/maths/philosophies/politics/, then I can pay attention.

I'm not particularly depressed right now, just annoyed of school. I am just realizing how very apathetic I am about everything compared to everyone else I know, and I'm just trying to find why I act so "weird" compared to everyone else.


That probably just means that you're relatively mature. There's nothing to figure out other than the fact that no-one in their right mind could possibly be that interested in the vapid goings on of a high school or the vast majority of things available for 17 year olds to do. Said to say but it is what it is.


Here's the way I look at things; life is short and all that shit, so there's no reason to do anything (in broad terms, like life choices) that you don't enjoy. Don't want to go to college? Don't do it then. Don't want to get a steady job in your home town? Don't. But don't waste your time. Fling yourself into new situations that you're not sure you can handle and see what happens. Drink with homeless people, move around a little, hang around strange little hole-in-the-wall establishments that cater to specific kinds of crowds. Read some good literature along these lines. Maybe be a carny or something, I don't know man. You're not interested in anything because everything normal is mundane, and your parents are doing their duty in ensuring that for a few formative years you have a relatively sane (and hence mundane) period of time to develop. It's actually not a bad idea unless you do what most people do and follow it to the end.


Go on a quest to find shit that inspires you and rustles your jimmies, when you have the chance. You might discover you want to be a standup comedian or that you like the atmosphere of jazz clubs or you have a talent for making goat cheese and wind up doing some shit you never expected. GO. SEE. SHIT. And do things. REAL THINGS, not going to the movies with your doofus friends type shit. Go work on an Icelandic fishing boat for a season or something. Obviously this doesn't help you right now, but you get the idea. It's really easy to be apathetic when you don't have options, and even though I know intellectually you can comprehend the idea of freedom now you really have no idea what it feels like.



So right now, cultivate some interests. I'd suggest interests that involve places that people go as a start. Read about some places, make a mental list of place you'd want to go.

[Blackscare]

I should note that I'm not a particularly well-adjusted person, so take what I say with a grain of salt. But where's the art in being normal anyway?

[Hiero]

You just coming a social researcher :) It is not that you are "wierd" it is just that like many of us you have taken a step back from the norm to get different view. If you were to write down this view and theorise it, you would become a social researcher.

[ZeroNowhere]

I'm not trying to be offensive or thick, really, but I can't imagine what the necessity would be of fighting for "asexual rights" or what exactly they would even entail.While I'm somewhat sceptical about 'asexual rights', I don't think that it would be ludicrous to say that society generally assumes people to be heterosexual by default, or at least sexual in some manner or other, and hence that asexuals are not a group taken into account in matters of popular culture or legislation. It's not so much a matter of being 'outed', but rather a more or less passive social attitude which surrounds us, and is hardly desirable, being symptomatic of deeper problems, though in most cases not intolerable. We're abnormal, and seek to abolish normality.

[∞]

So recently I tried to get aroused by the thought of the flesh. It didn't work. The more I rationalize the concept of sex, the more I feel complied to not like it. Everyday, I seem to be feeling less and less sexual.

[MustCrushCapitalism]

Going by what you're saying, you're probably asexual. :p Or you might just be not a very horny person.

[leftace53]

The more I rationalize the concept of sex, the more I feel complied to not like it.
Not to make light of any situation at hand, but man, rationalizing sex, as far as I have experienced, always kills it. Understanding and knowing the actual physical act that happens, its mainly a bunch of flesh flopping around with more flesh and some fluids - really quite gross.

I read an article a little while ago about an assexual couple (who got married and followed most of the societal norms and whatnot), and in one interview they talked about how a life without the concern of sex enhances the concept of friends from just friends to the proper level of importance a friend should have. They take the "just" out of just friends.
(Thats probably off topic, but I read that, and it stuck, so I wanted to mention it)

You may be assexual, you may also just have a low sex drive, but the main question to ask yourself would be if it really matters to you what your sexuality is.

[RedAnarchist]

Sexuality is one of those things that is just so complex and so individual that rushing to attach a label to your sexuality is not the best way to find out what your sexuality is. I think Subnormality has a good way of showing what sexuality is truly like -

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_54-DZpSHNec/TNORX2AyldI/AAAAAAAAAIA/k1v14A2TRvM/s1600/monstrepancies.jpg

People are people, and there's probably more sexualities than there are people.

[Klaatu]

You are probably the type of person that has a very high level of self-confidence and self-esteem. These attributes usually mean the person has much less need for sex and love than the type of needy and underconfident person has.

You're perfectly normal, and don't let anyone (including "psychologists") tell you otherwise.;)

[∞]

You are probably the type of person that has a very high level of self-confidence and self-esteem.

:laugh:, if only....... :crying:

[TheGodlessUtopian]

You're perfectly normal, and don't let anyone (including "psychologists") tell you otherwise.;)

What is wrong with modern psychologists? You part of the anti-psychology bull?

[ZeroNowhere]

What is wrong with modern psychologists? You part of the anti-psychology bull?
No, but the psychologists are.

[Dogs On Acid]

Why don't you test your hormonal levels? Low testosterone can cause a lack of libido. And fluctuations of hormones can happen sometimes.

Get a blood test.

[Klaatu]

What is wrong with modern psychologists? You part of the anti-psychology bull?

Actually, I read that a long time ago in a book on psychology. ;)


:laugh:, if only....... :crying:

It's subjective. If you are the type of person that does not worry about what others think, you are a confident person (you think more about what you think of THEM than what they think of YOU)

An underconfident person only thinks of what others think of HIM and tries to please everyone, but cannot

I say, FUCK' EM and be what you are and think what you want to think. Be yourself.

[∞]

I'm confident in that way I guess.

[Yuppie Grinder]

I'm the same way. Heterosexual, but with a very low sex drive.

[john0089]

you should stop masturbation,things will get better

[john0089]

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with asexuality at all. All this obsession with "sex" in popular bourgeois culture is BS. Asexual people deserve the same kind of rights and respect as LGBT people do.

In fact, in some LGBT groups I've interacted with, they actually explicitly include "asexual rights" within their activism.
review my profile for detail or pm me

[Dogs On Acid]

you should stop masturbation,things will get better

I spank the monkey everyday and I'm still horny as fuck with women.

[Franz Fanonipants]

this entire thread is basically like a leftcom "proof" of sexual species being and sexual repression via capitalism right

cus who cares