Monty Python

[Hate Is Art]

anyone seen this sketch tres amusing

[Dr. Rosenpenis]

YES!
It's great!
Have you seen it performed live at the Hollywood Bowl?

[Al Creed]

I like the sketch where they had Mark, Che, Lenin, and Mao on this gameshow, and all the questions were about English Soccer.

Marx was in the bonus round, and the first two questions were about Communism and socialism, and the last was about Soccer:P

[Hate Is Art]

no i havent, any good?

I love monty python

[B]Host:Good Evening and tonight is indeed a unique moment in the history of television, we are priviliged and honoured to have Karl Marx founder of modern socialism and author of the Communist Manifesto. Vladamir Illich Lennin leader of the Russian revolution, writer, statesman and father of modern communism. Che Guevara the bolivian guerilla leader and Mao Tse Tung leader of the Chinese Communist Party since 1949. The first question for you Karl Marx. The Hammers, The Hammers is the nickname for which football team. . . The Hammers? Dont Know? It is in fact West Ham United.

The Next Question for you Che Guevara Coventry City last won the FA Cup in what year? Anyone else? No im suprised you didnt get that because it's a trick question Coventry City have never won the FA Cup.

No onto round two with the scores all level and this question for you Lennin Teddy Johnson and Pearl Carr [Not Sure on Second Name] won the eurovisison song contest in 1959 with what song? What Song? Don't Know?

*buzz*

Mao Tse Tung: Sing Little Birdie

Host: Well done Mao

Well now we come onto our special gifts section and we have Karl Marx challenging for this lovely lounge suite, now Karl has elected to answer question on workers control of factorys.

1.The development of the industrial proletairet is conditional to what other development?

Karl: The development of the industrial bourjousie

Host: Yes it is indeed well done karl, your on your way to a lounge suite, heres question number two,

2.The Struggle of class against class it a what struggle

Karl: A political struggle

Host: Yes it is indeed, one more correct answer and that lovely lounge suite is yours

3.Who Won the Cup final in 1949

Karl: The workers control means of producution the struggle of the industrial proletairet

Host: No it was infact Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leed United 3-1

Karl: Oh Shit

[Al Creed]

THATS THE ONE!

You rule

[Dr. Rosenpenis]

Yes, I recall them mistaking Che's place of birth.
It was great.
Mao looked nothing like Mao.
I believe John Cleese played lenin
Marx's hair was perfectly white and combed bit to side
Che looked nothing like Che either
It was, however, hysterical!

[Man in the White Shirt]

How about the Holy Grail and that pessent telling Arthur they were an "Automous Collective"!

[Dr. Rosenpenis]

Yes, comarde, that is my absolute favourite scene in that movie!

ARTHUR: Old woman!
DENNIS: Man!
ARTHUR: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
ARTHUR: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis'.
ARTHUR: Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the
behind you looked--
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an
inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By
exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist
dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our
society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how
d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the
Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an
autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.
A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
ARTHUR: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives
in that castle?
WOMAN: No one live there.
ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?
WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
ARTHUR: What?
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We
take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the
week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified
at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal
affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the
purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of
the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to
carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing
swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive
power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some
farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power
just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just
because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd
put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here
that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing
me, you saw it didn't you?
:lol:
Thye're fucking geniuses they are!
:lol:

[Hate Is Art]

i love monty python!

heres my fav scetch fom the holy grail

King Arthur: Now, we are about to attempt to cross...the Bridge of Death! The

gate-keeper of the Bridge will ask any who attempt to cross five

questions---Sir Bedevere: Three, sire.



Arthur: (pause) Oh, yes, three. He who successfully answers these five

questions--



Bedevere: Three, sire!



Arthur: (slightly longer pause) Ah, three, then...er, may pass in safety.

However, anyone who fails to correctly answer all five questions-



Bedevere: THREE, sire!



Arthur: I KNOW IT'S BLOODY THR--ahem, yes, of course, three. (black look

at Bedevere)...will be cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril!!!



(dramatic music)



Arthur: (continuing) Sir Robin, why don't you go?



Sir Robin: Er...I've got an idea! Why doesn't Sir Lancelot go?



Sir Lancelot: Yes, I'll take him, sire. (about to draw sword) I'll make a

feint to the North-East, and then--



Arthur: No, no, just answer the questions, Sir Lancelot.



Lancelot: But I'd really like a feint to the North-East, sire...



Arthur: No, Sir Lancelot. We'll all be right behind you, listening...



Lancelot: (sheathing sword) I...understand, sire.



Arthur: Our prayers go with you, Sir Lancelot.



(Lancelot approaches the bridge. Suddenly, out of nowhere,

the BRIDGEKEEPER appears.)



Bedevere: (whispering) It's the old man from Scene 24!!



Bridgekeeper: STOP!

He who would cross the Bridge of Death

Must answer me

These questions three

Ere the other side he see.



Lancelot: Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.



Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?



Lancelot: Sir Lancelot of Camelot.



Bridgekeeper: What...is your quest?



Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.



Bridgekeeper: What...is your favorite color?



Lancelot: Blue.



Bridgekeeper: Right, off you go.



Lancelot: (slightly surprised) Oh! Well, thank you. Thank you very much.



(and off he goes. The knights look at each other.)



Robin: That's EASY!!!



(A mad rush for the bridge. Robin arrives first. The knights

cluster behind. A few sniff and wrinkle their noses, and the

group backs off.)



Bridgekeeper: STOP!

He who would cross the Bridge of Death

Must answer me

These questions three

Ere the other side he see.



Robin: (excitedly) Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper, I am not afraid.



Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?



Robin: Robin of Camelot.



Bridgekeeper: What...is you quest?



Robin: I seek the Grail!



Bridgekeeper: What...is the capital of Assyria?



Robin: (indignant) I don't know THAT!! (An unseen force whisks him up

and over the side.) AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!



(The knights pause, realizing this may be a bit tougher than

all that.)



*** Note: The following bit was cut from the movie. ***



Bedevere: What shall we do, sire?



Arthur: Well, I'm not sure, but...



Bridgekeeper: (off) What...goes black, white, black, white, black, white?



Sir Gawain: (off) Uh...er...ah...Babylon? AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!



*** Movie resumes. ***



Bridgekeeper: STOP!

He who would cross the Bridge of Death

Must answer me

These questions three

Ere the other side he see.



Sir Galahad: (swallowing) Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper...I am not

afraid...



Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?



Galahad: (nervous) Sir Galahad...



Bridgekeeper: What...is your quest?



Galahad: (really nervous) To seek the Grail...



Bridgekeeper: What...is your favorite color?



Galahad: (relieved) Blue! (starts across; oops) NO!

YELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!!



(Arthur steps forward)



Bridgekeeper: STOP!

He who would cross the Bridge of Death

Must answer me

These questions three

Ere the other side he see.



Arthur: Ask me your questions, Bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.



Bridgekeeper: What...is your name?



Arthur: King Arthur of the Britons!



Bridgekeeper: What...is your quest?



Arthur: I seek the Holy Grail!



Bridgekeeper: What...is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?



Arthur: (brief pause) What do you mean, an African or a European swallow?



Bridgekeeper: (confused) Well...I don't know...AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!



Bedevere: (crossing behind Arthur) How do you know so much about swallows,

sire?

Arthur: Well, you have to know these sorts of things when you're a king,

you know...



*** Note: The following bit was cut from the movie. ***



(Arthur and Bedevere approach a gigantic lake.

A boat in the shape of a dragon glides slowly

towards them. As they prepare to cross, the

same old man suddenly appears before them.)



Boat-keeper: STOP!

He who would cross the Sea of Fate

Must answer me these questions twenty-eight!



(Arthur and Bedevere look at each other. They look

at the old man. They look back at each other. They

pick the old man up, throw him in the water, and board

the ship.)

[Dr. Rosenpenis]

Why did they cut those bits from the movie, they're hysterical! :lol:

[Hate Is Art]

i dont know!!!

I have a monty python script book, its a great read? has anyone seen the ministry of silly walks sketch from flying circus?? John Cleese is great in it!

[Marxist in Nebraska]

Originally posted by [email protected] 1 2003, 06:53 PM
DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!

ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...

DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--

[...]
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.

WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an
autonomous collective.

DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--

WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.

DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--

ARTHUR: [...] Who lives in that castle?

WOMAN: No one live there.

ARTHUR: Then who is your lord?

WOMAN: We don't have a lord.

ARTHUR: What?

DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

ARTHUR: Yes.

DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.

ARTHUR: Yes, I see.

DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal
affairs,--

ARTHUR: Be quiet!

DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--

ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?

ARTHUR: I am your king!

WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.

ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.

WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?

ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!

DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing
swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

ARTHUR: Be quiet!

DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

ARTHUR: Shut up!

DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!

ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!

DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

ARTHUR: Shut up!

DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!

ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!

DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?
I just saw that movie for the first time yesterday, and that is my favorite scene! I recently saw six or seven episodes of the TV series, but I have yet to see the famous game show segment. From the script posted above, it sounds just hysterical.

You tell that bastard king, Dennis!

[Hate Is Art]

it's great isnt it!

Have you seen fawlty towers of life of brain?

[Palmares]

How about Mao getting;

"Great balls of fire" at the Bowl thingy?

[Rastafari]

I thought that was a different skit.
Its all good

[truthaddict11]

my favorite bits from Holy Grail were The Knights that say "Ni" and the Black Knight. the first draft of the script they find the grail at Harrods

[truthaddict11]

i dont know if you have ever played a PC game called "Worms but in at least one edition Worms 2 you have the option to use a Holy Hand Grenade as a weapon.

[Man in the White Shirt]

In one of the Fallout games, there are a lot of references to the Monty Python. You can cross the bridge of death, plus some knights are looking for the Holy Grail, there are probaly others I just forgot them.

[Hate Is Art]

ive never played fall out, any good?