aworldsman
10th September 2011, 04:49
I've spent the past three months on focused studying. Marx, Hegel, Chomsky, Zinn, Griffin, Orwell, Huxley, Ridley, Lazere, Goldman, and so many others have totally opened my eyes to the tragedy that we're stuck in.
I feel disgusted with myself for participating in this mess. I drive my car to work and I feel like I've committed hundreds of crimes against humanity. The manufacturing of my car, the consumption of oil, the preoccupation with a job to pay off loans I naively signed into, the consumption of poisonous air, water, food, and information, the total inability to act in accordance with my true nature.
I hear news of terrorist threats... someone, somewhere might do something. I understand that this is a product of the propaganda machine that thrives on fear. I understand that the media and the government and the banking and the corporations are all intertwined in this horrible mess that's sucking the humanity out of what could be so beautiful.
I understand that the US was founded on the presumption that an elite few should control the "bewildered herds." I understand that the paper money that I earn to pay off my inflated loans is worthless. I understand that my vote means nothing. I understand that the president is just a megaphone of those behind the curtains. I understand that the majority of people around me are emotionally underdeveloped.
I understand that public education was engineered to instill obedience, and that there's no place for authoritarian education in a truly free society.
I understand that a state of anarchy - a state of self-supporting egalitarian social order - seems to be a wonderful option. I see humanity inching towards that, but I'm worried that the clutches of fascism will destroy us before we see the light of communal freedom.
I'm obligated to menial preoccupations that define practicality. If I step towards what I see as natural and right, I'm punished.
I participate in conversations that ridicule and insult others around me because I need to if I want to survive in the corporate world. I write code that supports massive expenditure on the perpetuation of enterprise inefficiencies because it would be impractical for me to sacrifice my paycheck for my dignity. My paycheck is unfortunately and intimately married to the little freedom I do recognize.
Six months ago I was busy drinking beers in college, buying plasma TVs, enjoying leisure time, chasing emotionally vacant relationships with intellectually vacant girls.
Now I'm just... lost.
The digger I deep, the more I want to know, and the more helpless I feel.
Anyone else ever feel like this? Not haughty or "better" than anyone, but just enlightened, terrified, alone? What have you done to overcome the daunting reality of "life"?
I feel disgusted with myself for participating in this mess. I drive my car to work and I feel like I've committed hundreds of crimes against humanity. The manufacturing of my car, the consumption of oil, the preoccupation with a job to pay off loans I naively signed into, the consumption of poisonous air, water, food, and information, the total inability to act in accordance with my true nature.
I hear news of terrorist threats... someone, somewhere might do something. I understand that this is a product of the propaganda machine that thrives on fear. I understand that the media and the government and the banking and the corporations are all intertwined in this horrible mess that's sucking the humanity out of what could be so beautiful.
I understand that the US was founded on the presumption that an elite few should control the "bewildered herds." I understand that the paper money that I earn to pay off my inflated loans is worthless. I understand that my vote means nothing. I understand that the president is just a megaphone of those behind the curtains. I understand that the majority of people around me are emotionally underdeveloped.
I understand that public education was engineered to instill obedience, and that there's no place for authoritarian education in a truly free society.
I understand that a state of anarchy - a state of self-supporting egalitarian social order - seems to be a wonderful option. I see humanity inching towards that, but I'm worried that the clutches of fascism will destroy us before we see the light of communal freedom.
I'm obligated to menial preoccupations that define practicality. If I step towards what I see as natural and right, I'm punished.
I participate in conversations that ridicule and insult others around me because I need to if I want to survive in the corporate world. I write code that supports massive expenditure on the perpetuation of enterprise inefficiencies because it would be impractical for me to sacrifice my paycheck for my dignity. My paycheck is unfortunately and intimately married to the little freedom I do recognize.
Six months ago I was busy drinking beers in college, buying plasma TVs, enjoying leisure time, chasing emotionally vacant relationships with intellectually vacant girls.
Now I'm just... lost.
The digger I deep, the more I want to know, and the more helpless I feel.
Anyone else ever feel like this? Not haughty or "better" than anyone, but just enlightened, terrified, alone? What have you done to overcome the daunting reality of "life"?