Was I out of line?

[Obs]

Okay, this is kind of a complicated story, but I'll try my best to strip it down to its bare basics.

Yesterday I was out for an event (for some cross-political reform movement, whatever) which had live music and speeches, and inbetween each act, a quite attractive woman presenting the next point of schedule. Since I'm good friends with one of the people arranging the event (and he was basically the only person there I knew), I venture backstage at a point and end up chatting to her while there's a speaker on stage. Overall, I'm figuring she's probably 30, at most, which doesn't faze me (age is not so much a criterion to me as appearance). At a later point, while a band is on, she comes out from backstage and starts dancing with my friend and some other girl. I wouldn't normally have joined (not drunk enough yet), but my friend persuades me and eventually I'm dancing with the aforementioned pretty MC. She's been having a few throughout the event, and is noticeably more drunk than I, so eventually she ends up getting me to kiss her cheeks while she moves ever closer to me. The music stops and she suddenly tries to get me to talk to other, younger girls (20-25). I ask her what the hell, and she tells me she's trying to get me to score with some other girl before she starts growing attracted to me, citing the age difference and telling me she's 41, and that I'm, what, 24? 23? I'm 17, which I tell her. Anyway, holy shit, I did not see that one coming. I hesitate for a moment before deciding, fuck it, I'm gonna go with this anyway because it looks pretty obvious that I'm gonna get laid if I just keep seducing this lady.

Oh, the hubris of man.

Fast forward a couple of hours, I've helped tear down the stage and other stuff, and we've gone to afterparty at a nearby fancy bar (pretty bourgie place, but whatever, didn't pay for any of the drinks) and I'm getting fairly buzzed as well now, and regularly stopping what I'm doing to make out with my mature target of choice. Eventually she asks me to follow her when she goes to buy smokes, and once out here (http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Gammeltorv,+K%C3%B8benhavn,+Danmark&hl=en&ie=UTF8&ll=55.678332,12.571004&spn=0.000002,0.003664&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=40.001301,86.572266&vpsrc=6&z=19&layer=c&cbll=55.678246,12.571771&panoid=v_FG84AKk-Ma4DGAzizaVQ&cbp=12,130.49,,0,13.2) (that's the place, but obviously it was night and there weren't a lot of people) I start making out with her again, and, no exaggeration, I have never experienced this much mutual lust before. It was really a new experience for me - this lady actually wanted me, but she in between kisses she kept telling me she couldn't do this, I was too young, and whatnot. My counter-argument basically amounts to "who gives a shit?" and it holds some sway, but eventually she gets a cab and almost runs away from me because she's afraid she'll take me home with her if she spends another minute with me (her words, not mine).

What I want to know is, was I being an asshole by continuing to try and persuade her, knowing that she felt wrong about the whole thing? My drunken reasoning with myself was that since she did want it, which she admitted, it wasn't the same as being a stubborn dick to a girl who had no interest in me (which I've never done), but I'm starting to have second thoughts about that now.

edit: please reply to this thread before CotR bans me for wanting to have sex with a woman, I'd like to read your responses

[brigadista]

you met a woman who knew her own mind -she made the decision - you were too young for her

[Lobotomy]

It depends on how forceful you were being in your attempts at persuasion, I think. It's one thing to make yourself available, but another to be a stubborn dick, as you said.

[Luc]

I don't think you were out of line.

Clearly the only problem was that she was worried about age. Maybe she was thinking you'd not want to be with her for being older while you were so young (you know, things begin to droop and maybe she was nervous/shy/worried about being naked.)

Also asyou said it is not like you did anything and she (I think) stated that she wanted to have sex so it wouldn't be sexual assault or anything bad.

I'd say you weren't out of line.

[Pioneers_Violin]

Happens that way all the time. :D

People get all attracted, hot and bothered even though one of them knows it is not to be.

I can't say you were out of line because she went along with you for quite some time.
She really should have called it quits earlier to avoid being cruel to you later but oh well. I've done pretty much the same thing myself. It's just part of being human I suppose.

My vote:
Probably Obs was being PERSISTENT but not an asshole or anything. Probably, because they were drunk and I wasn't there.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

I'm not seeing the problem here. You both had a great time by the sounds of things. The age difference thing? The law may call you a minor, but biologically you're an adult (I assume) and your behaviour indicates you are mentally mature enough to have sex. Why should it matter if she has a couple of decades on you?

[Obs]

I'm not seeing the problem here. You both had a great time by the sounds of things. The age difference thing? The law may call you a minor, but biologically you're an adult (I assume) and your behaviour indicates you are mentally mature enough to have sex. Why should it matter if she has a couple of decades on you?

Well, basically what I'm scared of is that I made her leave. Basically, the bottom line of my question is: is it okay to persist in trying to seduce someone who feels that while they'd like to, they shouldn't, for lack of a better term, 'give in'?

Also, the reason I cared enough to make a thread and ask you guys is that this whole event - especially the feeling of being wanted first and foremost, was kind of a paradigm shift for my understanding of myself, since I actually (used to?) have a pretty debilitating lack of confidence. So what I also want to know is, did I fuck up this pretty important moment in my life?

[Lobotomy]

Could she potentially get in legal trouble in your country for being with an underage person? Maybe that was part of what made her leave.

[Obs]

Could she potentially get in legal trouble in your country for being with an underage person? Maybe that was part of what made her leave.

Naw, age of consent is 15 here.

[Nox]

I think she left out of responsibility, for her own good, she knew that she didn't want to 'get with' you, but because she was drunk and seduced by your charm, she was struggling to resist it. Fortunately, she managed to overcome the seduction and got away.

In short, you didn't really do anything wrong yourself, she just left to stop herself doing something stupid.

[Obs]

I think she left out of responsibility, for her own good, she knew that she didn't want to 'get with' you, but because she was drunk and seduced by your charm, she was struggling to resist it. Fortunately, she managed to overcome the seduction and got away.

In short, you didn't really do anything wrong yourself, she just left to stop herself doing something stupid.

1) You're 15
2) You know I don't like you
3) What the fuck are you doing replying to a thread like this

[Nox]

You're 15

Wrong.


2) You know I don't like you
3) What the fuck are you doing replying to a thread like this

Bye then :)

[Luc]

Well, basically what I'm scared of is that I made her leave. Basically, the bottom line of my question is: is it okay to persist in trying to seduce someone who feels that while they'd like to, they shouldn't, for lack of a better term, 'give in'?

Also, the reason I cared enough to make a thread and ask you guys is that this whole event - especially the feeling of being wanted first and foremost, was kind of a paradigm shift for my understanding of myself, since I actually (used to?) have a pretty debilitating lack of confidence. So what I also want to know is, did I fuck up this pretty important moment in my life?

(not to quotes above) I didn't even notice your were a minor, that may of had something to do with it:lol:
edit: nvm you answered that already.... really? 15, wow...

(to quotes) I guess you would have to identify why they thought they shouldn't before figuring out if it was "okay"

I know how you feel, a girl asked me out and I kept saying "No, you can do better than me" (I was really depressed back then). I really screwed up because she was funny and smart, but was this (your situation) a one night stand type of deal? Did you even know her or was it just a sex thing rather than potential relationship?

If it was just a sex thing then I wouldn't worry about it if I was you.:cool:

if it was a potential relationship then I can't really say anything, as I mentioned earlier I missed an oppurtunity to have a relationship. :lol:

[Magón]

I was in your same position once, just that we were both sober, and the age gap wasn't so big.

I say go for her, if you still want to, there wasn't anything wrong.

[brigadista]

one nighter isnt a relationship .

[Wanted Man]

This is hitting a bit close to home, and the same thing seems to go for several people in this thread. People often talk (self-)deprecatingly about teenage male communists on this forum, but there is clearly something compelling about them. :lol:

I don't think you did anything wrong. It's not necessarily the best or smartest thing to do either. It's neutral. In a parallel universe, it would have succeeded, and it would have been a nice story to tell. Again, there's nothing wrong in my book. I'd have probably made the attempt in that kind of situation as well. Audere est facere.

[praxis1966]

All I wanna know is, how the hell does this keep happening to you, Obs? Isn't this like the second or third time? :lol:

And no, I don't think you did anything that wrong. At 41 she's a grown adult and can make her own decisions... Which she did when she ditched you, lol.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

I think it's alright as long as you weren't being too forceful, and it sounds like you weren't, she clearly wanted you. What I would have done(only if you were going for a one-nighter thing) differently is I would have just gone along with it when she thought you were 20 something lol! Although that could create complicated situations and it's bad to lie to a girl just to get laid. But it seems like I have the exact opposite problem, I've lied a few times and have told older ladies I'm underage because they're coming on to me and then they lament by saying "Oh you're underage" and walk away.

[Nothing Human Is Alien]

I think you're out of line for thinking that nice ("bourgie") places should be off limits because of your politics, class, or whatever.

"We do not preach a gospel of want and scarcity, but of abundance … We do not call for limitation of births, for penurious thrift, and self-denial. We call for a great production that will supply all, and more than all the people can consume." - Sylvia Pankhurst

:thumbup1:

There's nothing "wrong" with sexual relations between two people who consent. There's also nothing "wrong" with someone deciding they don't want to have sexual relations with someone. The end.

[Obs]

All I wanna know is, how the hell does this keep happening to you, Obs? Isn't this like the second or third time? :lol:
Yeah, I'm pretty bad at this, aren't I? :lol:

[SJBarley]

I'd say you did nothing wrong, you didn't do anything that wasn't of mutual consent and you didn't become aggressive when things swung away from you as it were.
Also props for having the balls to keep going, I'm not sure I'd even have the stones to get the conversation going :laugh:

[brigadista]

Yeah, I'm pretty bad at this, aren't I? :lol:

give yourself a break guy

[Le Libérer]

edit: please reply to this thread before CotR bans me for wanting to have sex with a woman, I'd like to read your responses

Sorry but you have me confused with someone who gives a fuck.

[Le Libérer]

1) You're 15
2) You know I don't like you
3) What the fuck are you doing replying to a thread like this

And who are you to tell Dzhugashvili where he can or cant post?
Dzhugashvili, post whatever you want.

And you are 17 and in the big picture of things theres no differences from being 15 or 17 to "women" her age.

I have to add, I would have left you on the side of the road too, it sounds to me you were too eager. Also it sounds like you seem to have the idea you had some sort of power in this scenario, where as she was calling the shots. But good luck on your next attempt with sleep with a woman.

[Obs]

Sorry but you have me confused with someone who gives a fuck.


a whole bunch of words

You can't really do both

[Le Libérer]

You can't really do both

Oh yes I can.

The above was a verbal warning for bullying Dzhugashvili and ageism, not for your little escapades to get laid. I would suggest you take heed.

[Obs]

Oh yes I can.

The above was a verbal warning for bullying Dzhugashvili and ageism, not for your little escapades to get laid. I would suggest you take heed.

Don't you have to do that in bold? Like VERBAL WARNING for BULLYING and AGEISM?

But yeah, sorry, praxis, I know I'm pulling some shit on your forum. I'll be nice from here on.

[manic expression]

Also it sounds like you seem to have the idea you had some sort of power in this scenario, where as she was calling the shots.
Why do you say that she call all "the shots"? Because she was a woman or because she was older?

[PhoenixAsh]

Why do you say that she call all "the shots"? Because she was a woman or because she was older?

Because she could have ended it at all points simply by walking away...like she eventually did.

She decided to run with it.
She decided to end it.

Or in other words: he wanted/needed something from her...she was the one deciding wether or not to give and how much and at what point to end it.

[Obs]

Because she could have ended it at all points simply by walking away...like she eventually did.

She decided to run with it.
She decided to end it.

Or in other words: he wanted/needed something from her...she was the one deciding wether or not to give and how much and at what point to end it.

I think you may be misunderstanding the point of this thread - this isn't me whining that I didn't get laid. I'm not blaming this woman for anything, nor am I trying to imply I'm entitled to anything. What I'm doing is asking an impartial source, on a place on the Internet where I'm 100% sure I won't get some dickhead pulling some sexist nonsense and derailing the thread, if my own behaviour was objectionable - and if so, in what way, so that I can make sure I never behave that way again. I realise that I'm just a stupid kid, which is why I'm asking in a place with people who are more experienced at life than I.

[Le Libérer]

Why do you say that she call all "the shots"? Because she was a woman or because she was older?

I can only base my conclusion by the end result. She walked away. It could be a 1000 reasons that brought her to that conclusion. I wasnt there so I cant project what her reasoning was, just that it happened. But she (as many women do) made the final decision. It was in her ball park to walk away at any point. Obs certainly wasnt going to. His agenda was to get laid.

[Pioneers_Violin]

I think you may be misunderstanding the point of this thread - this isn't me whining that I didn't get laid. I'm not blaming this woman for anything, nor am I trying to imply I'm entitled to anything. What I'm doing is asking an impartial source, on a place on the Internet where I'm 100% sure I won't get some dickhead pulling some sexist nonsense and derailing the thread, if my own behaviour was objectionable - and if so, in what way, so that I can make sure I never behave that way again. I realise that I'm just a stupid kid, which is why I'm asking in a place with people who are more experienced at life than I.

Thank you for realizing your limitations and thinking about courtesy. Too few people do this, and not just teenagers either.

That said, there's nothing particularly wrong with persistence just so long as it doesn't cross over to forcing.
Since you're asking and apparently concerned about the effects of your actions, I'd say you probably did nothing bad and certainly did nothing unusual. Welcome to life!

If you give up too soon, you'll never get anywhere and that applies to practically anything in life. Your persistence will help you achieve your goals.


Personally, I would've dumped you a lot earlier in the process or at least I like to think I would have.
A huge turn-off for me is guys that are too scared to ask or quit too easily.

[Le Libérer]

Don't you have to do that in bold? Like VERBAL WARNING for BULLYING and AGEISM?



I prefer the "speak softly" approach. Either way, the end result is the same.

[PhoenixAsh]

I think you may be misunderstanding the point of this thread - this isn't me whining that I didn't get laid. I'm not blaming this woman for anything, nor am I trying to imply I'm entitled to anything. What I'm doing is asking an impartial source, on a place on the Internet where I'm 100% sure I won't get some dickhead pulling some sexist nonsense and derailing the thread, if my own behaviour was objectionable - and if so, in what way, so that I can make sure I never behave that way again. I realise that I'm just a stupid kid, which is why I'm asking in a place with people who are more experienced at life than I.

And you are misunderstanding my post for being anything else than answering the question of manic expression which came up in the course of this thread....or did it not?

Where do you see me saying you are whining you didn't get laid?
Where do you see me saying you felt entitled?
Where do you see me saying you blamed her?
Where do you see me passing judgement on what you did?

Because frankly...the question was: "why was she in control?" and my answer was (basically): "because she had the decision power".



Had I thought you crossed a line you would have been the first to hear. As it stands I think you full well knew that you were taking a gamble and that you are really lucky you got this far in what sounds like one hell of an evening....I think that speaks to your attractiveness to this lady. (now just how drunk was she??? :P :P)

Now...seeing as that you are telling us you didnt force her, didn't get her intentionally drunk, didn't blackmail her, didn't feed her drugs, didn't slip her a mickey, didn't continue when she clearly and definately said you should stop, (surprisingly :P ) didn't become a nuisance to her, didn't stalk her, or didn't do anything else which she apparantly did not give you the ok for or agreed with to do. That pretty much means you didn't cross any lines.

[Le Socialiste]

You weren't out of line. Whatever occurs between two consenting adults is basically okay in my book. As for your persistence, 1) you were drunk (I don't know how persistent you may have been if sober), 2) she clearly wanted to have a good time - this is made all the clearer given what she supposedly said. In the end, she decided sex with a 17-year old wasn't a good idea (age difference, apparently) and came to the conclusion that she should stop things before they escalated. Sure, you were persistent - but that's okay. If you went beyond that (i.e. being overly aggressive and/or forceful), then we'd have a problem. But you didn't. You're not the first (or last) leftist to be caught in such a situation. :cool:

[Obs]

And you are misunderstanding my post for being anything else than answering the question of manic expression which came up in the course of this thread....or did it not?

Where do you see me saying you are whining you didn't get laid?
Where do you see me saying you felt entitled?
Where do you see me saying you blamed her?
Where do you see me passing judgement on what you did?

Because frankly...the question was: "why was she in control?" and my answer was (basically): "because she had the decision power".



Had I thought you crossed a line you would have been the first to hear. As it stands I think you full well knew that you were taking a gamble and that you are really lucky you got this far in what sounds like one hell of an evening....I think that speaks to your attractiveness to this lady. (now just how drunk was she??? :P :P)

Now...seeing as that you are telling us you didnt force her, didn't get her intentionally drunk, didn't blackmail her, didn't feed her drugs, didn't slip her a mickey, didn't continue when she clearly and definately said you should stop, (surprisingly :P ) didn't become a nuisance to her, didn't stalk her, or didn't do anything else which she apparantly did not give you the ok for or agreed with to do. That pretty much means you didn't cross any lines.

I'm gonna go ahead and assume this is your way of being nice. Thanks.

[praxis1966]

Don't you have to do that in bold? Like VERBAL WARNING for BULLYING and AGEISM?

But yeah, sorry, praxis, I know I'm pulling some shit on your forum. I'll be nice from here on.

lol Thanks for that... And you know what kind of culture I've tried to create around here. This is the huggy nicey nice forum. You should know better. Tisk, tisk.

[ExUnoDisceOmnes]

I find it sad that she clearly felt restricted by her age... I don't think that you were wrong, she was just bending to social pressures.

[PhoenixAsh]

I find it sad that she clearly felt restricted by her age... I don't think that you were wrong, she was just bending to social pressures.

Really? That is an interesting approach.

I am 35 and a very pretty 17 yeard old girl who definately likes me in that way just invited me to her 18th birthday party saying she would probably get me drunk make me do all kinds of things to her.... and in the past she send me some naked pictures of herself (unasked). So I am pretty much guaranteed a sure thing here........think I should go?

I am awaiting your sound advice here...


:sneaky:

[Invader Zim]

1) You're 15
2) You know I don't like you
3) What the fuck are you doing replying to a thread like this

And you have a whole two years on him.

What the hell more do you know about sex and relationships? Fuck all to the power of nill.

No wonder she didn't sleep with you, she probably saw you acting like an asshole.

[praxis1966]

And you have a whole two years on him.

What the hell more do you know about sex and relationships? Fuck all to the power of nill.

No wonder she didn't sleep with you, she probably saw you acting like an asshole.

Verbal warning for flaming.

[Nox]

And you have a whole two years on him.

Actually, he has zero years on me. I'm 17 - I have no idea why he thinks I'm 15... :confused: