Transgender, advice.

[anarcho-communist4]

Hey everyone, i just have a few questions about transgenderism.
My bother, well sister now just told our family that he is going through the necessary steps to become a Woman. I 100% back him through anything he does, i was allready semi-informed on what transgenderism was. Needless to say my mother didnt take it well. The one thing she is really upset about is, not the fact hes becoming a Woman, but shes worried about people hurting him because of who he is now, or soon to be. So the real question im asking here i mainly directed to Transgender People on this website that will have some real feedback on what kind of discrimination they have encountered (if any) and has anyone actually tried to hurt you?

As a side note my Brother is a fellow leftist, and possibly a member of this website(?)

I really just want to put my mom at ease or atleast better educate her, i'm in no position to educate her on the subject.

Also nontransgender people are welcome to comment, any feedback is good.

Thanks for the help everyone.

AB

[Leftsolidarity]

I'm not transgender but I did encounter a few transgender people in public this week and I saw people snickering and laughing. I thought that was pretty fucked up and made me pissed. That's the most I've had experience with anything like that.

[anarcho-communist4]

I also forgot to mention, Where he currently lives in Canada, they have the highest transgender population. I hope that helps any.

[RedAnarchist]

What are her preferred gender pronouns? Does she wish to be identified as a female (she, her etc), or is she OK with retaining the male gender pronouns for now? I ask because you refer to your sister as a he - is this just reflex or does she prefer it?

Some websites that may help you -

http://www.lauras-playground.com/ (they have a forum as well)
http://www.susans.org/

[anarcho-communist4]

Sorry i need to get into the habit of she and sister, just a very used to calling her my brother, 18 years hah. But ill get used to saying that. Like i said im 100% happy that shes finally going to be happy in her skin. And thanks for the websites.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

What are her preferred gender pronouns? Does she wish to be identified as a female (she, her etc), or is she OK with retaining the male gender pronouns for now? I ask because you refer to your sister as a he - is this just reflex or does she prefer it?

Some websites that may help you -

http://www.lauras-playground.com/ (they have a forum as well)
http://www.susans.org/
laura's playground Has a wonderful forum.

Most of us who identify as female don't like being called by male pronouns.


anarcho-communist4:
I have experienced discrimination and violence for my gender identity. The hate violence inflicted against transwomen. I don't want to get too detailed in talking about what happened but I feel that coming out and transitioning is still worth it. It is so much better than going through life as something I'm not. Not to mention with the hormones and various procedures many transwomen don't get read. I guess one important thing you can do is not out your sister when you're out somewhere together. In public remembering pronouns and prefered name can be very important to transpeople and to treat them as their preferred gender.

So basically it can be dangerous to us transwomen but for us to hold in our gender identity and live as someone we aren't can be more detrimental to our lives. Your mom has a good reason to worry about your sister's safety she should be understanding about how necessary it is for her daughter to be true to who she is. That is the best help I can offer.

[anarcho-communist4]

A lot of that will put my mom at ease thank you.
Yah i do call her by her new name ive gotten into that habit all ready i made that my goal. New one is to use the correct gender descriptions its hard to break habits but i'm working on it. And i wouldn't think of outting her in public, this is hers to tell to people not mine :).
But once again thank you.

[jaki cold]

What are her preferred gender pronouns? Does she wish to be identified as a female (she, her etc), or is she OK with retaining the male gender pronouns for now? I ask because you refer to your sister as a he - is this just reflex or does she prefer it?

Some websites that may help you -


Oh, God. Not Laura's playground.
That site is pretty universally reviled by the trans community.
(They're very cliquish and like to exclude people who aren't "tranny enough" :rolleyes: )

But in answer to OP's question, I've never faced any violence over my gender identity or sexuality in the civilian world, but I did when I was in the Army. It is, however, a legitimate concern for your mother to have. Trangendered people are assaulted all too commonly, and your sister should consider carrying a weapon with her when she goes out. Stay alert, stay alive. :cool:

[Soseloshvili]

Where in Canada is it that she lives? I might be able to direct some resources her way, depending on whereabouts she is.

[unfriendly]

I'm gonna be real, I've faced a ton of violence on the street and institutionally for being trans. My advice to your mom is to get the fuck over it because this isn't her battle to fight.

One of her kids is doing something dangerous. Like that's never happened before.

Gonna have to learn to deal.

[Queercommie Girl]

I'm gonna be real, I've faced a ton of violence on the street and institutionally for being trans.


One should fight back in such circumstances. Show them trans people can't just be bullied and pushed around.

[Lenina Rosenweg]

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSgallery1.html

is a good website showing transgender "sucess stories" Yes, we could debate on what the definition of "success" is but Lynn Conway does a good job of showing trannies as successful in a mainstream sense.This may help set your Mom at ease somewhat.

Conway is a software engineer who designed much of the modern chip architecture.

http://www.transsexual.org/index.html
also can be useful.

Many trans activists feel "passability" should not be emphasized. Many would advocate the importance of being proud of who one is and not worry about fitting in to gender binaries.Unfortunately it is true that trans people who are not passable are subjected to an enormous amount of harassment, bullying, and discrimination in terms of employment, housing, and many other areas of life.If a tranny is a leftist activist the discrimination may be even more intense.

The younger someone transitions the more likely they are to become passable, "assimilate" and have a satisfying life.An option would be to find a tolerant community, both geographically and socially, to get over "the hump". I don't know where that might be in Canada, in the US its traditionally the Bay area, famous for a large and militant lgbt community. (Although a trans friend of mine said she was harassed in San Francisco a year ago).

Also unfortunately there is a huge amount of factionalism and bickering within the trans community itself.A broader leftist lgbt organization may provide more solidarity than a strictly trans group.There is also a class element with more "successful" TGs often being politically right wing.There is also, strangely, a very large Christian fundamentalist element w/in the TG community.

I can't provide easy reassurance to the OP's Mom. Unfortunately being trans is very difficult, there's no way around this.The best way to look at this is that there are a large number of creative, talented people who are trans, trans people have much to contribute to society, and to emphasize the importance of living an authentic life.

At this stage of human social evolution this can be difficult but we have to work for a more highly evolved civilization, i.e. socialism, in which tolerance can flourish and people can be themselves.

Some trans humour. I forgot how to post Youtube, so I just have the link.This is on developing voice. It's cute and also funny. Much of the literature from the trans is understandably grim, this series provides some badly needed humor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbaj4tIX1kw&feature=related

[Lenina Rosenweg]

A good movie for parents

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ma_vie_en_rose

[Queercommie Girl]

I don't like the way some mainstream sources implicitly pressurise trans people to push themselves to "succeed". A trans person does not have to "prove herself" and only be respected if she is successful. A completely ordinary transgender person should be respected too.

[Queercommie Girl]

If a tranny is a leftist activist the discrimination may be even more intense.


Why do you think this is the case? Just asking.

[agnixie]

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TSgallery1.html


Urgh, Conway, seemingly success is only measures in the achievement of surgery and bourgeois pursuits.

More relevant to the OP - where does she live in Canada? Although Soseloshvili already offered, I also have a reasonable handle of resources available.

[Lenina Rosenweg]

I don't disagree, I don't like Conway's site myself, I was just trying to suggest something useful for the OP.

[stageleft]

As a MTF trans girl myself, I can answer anybody's questions about being trans, if you have any you would like to ask. Hey, we're all here to learn, right? :)

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

As a MTF trans girl myself, I can answer anybody's questions about being trans, if you have any you would like to ask. Hey, we're all here to learn, right? :)
Yeah I would as well although I would likely eventualy get tired of asking questions. Just don't try to ask me to "justify myself".:)