Politics and Love

[TheCuriousJournalist]

I'm not sure if this is the right spot, but regardless...


How have your politics affected your love life? Do you care about your partner's politics? If so, how much?

Maybe a partner led you to the left?

Have your politics ever put someone off of you? Ever helped to attract someone?

Do your politics play any role in how you lead your romantic/sexual life? Should sex and politics be connected?


A whole bunch of questions, answer any, or give any input you like, I'm just curious. Thought it may be an interesting topic.

[ellipsis]

moved to non-poli.

[thesadmafioso]

I honestly can't say that I have ever been in a relationship or been infatuated with a women without politics being involved to a reasonable extent.

Earlier this summer, in what turned out to be a most depressing affair, I met this superb women with whom I shared a conversation on communism after we first began to talk. All was well for about a week or so as I became increasingly more caught up with her, quite possibly due in part to her politics, until I sort of ran into some issues.

It turns out she has some less than leftist thoughts on Palestine, Luddites, and historical materialism and was a bit more to the right in relation to matters of reformism than I would of liked. This naturally led to some relatively heated arguments, given my absolute inability to prevent myself from engaging in such wherever or whenever they may arise, and she outright rejected me when I informed her of my feelings.

Looking back on it, I truly do regret bringing my politics into our conversations to the degree that I did. I really do think that they were the primary factor which sunk my chances with her, and I still can barely get over how much of a fool I was to her.

Who knows though? I'm not exactly the most attractive either and my personality can be somewhat difficult to mesh with. Much as I hate the term, maybe I'm over thinking it just a bit.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

How have your politics affected your love life?Not much but they've lead to interesting arguments. One time my ex and I got into a fight because I'm pro-choice and she's not. When we broke up she went around school talking shit and one of the things she kept telling people was that I thought women should be forced to have abortions :rolleyes:. I still have her as a Facebook friend and she posted one day that she was pregnant and she didn't know who the dad was so I told her she should get an abortion just to mess with her.
No just kidding, I didn't, but I really wanted to. But that's the only time my politics have seriously affected a relationship although it wasn't really love, just one of those stupid high school relationships.


Do you care about your partner's politics? If so, how much?Yeah a little. If she's a Nazi I'm not going to even go near her. I think it all actually depends on how well they actually know politics if they think they know anything about it. I don't have a problem dating a conservative or liberal if she is actually smart about it and can go a little deeper than the talking points we always get bombarded with. What I hate are people who talk a lot about politics but really don't know jack shit about it, I don't care if the person was a self-proclaimed communist, if they're like that I wouldn't be able to stand their politics. Although most girls I've gone out with are basically apolitical.


Maybe a partner led you to the left?No.


Have your politics ever put someone off of you? Ever helped to attract someone?Not usually, I can usually read a crowd and put something in a way that won't be off putting. Although some things are just unavoidable like when my ex just asked if I thought abortions should be legal.


Do your politics play any role in how you lead your romantic/sexual life? Should sex and politics be connected?No definitely no.

[Fopeos]

Politics has always come up early in my relationships. I can be pretty tolerant but she's got to be on the left. My current gf is a feminist but tends more toward social-democracy. I want workers' control and socialist revolution. We get along fine. We both believe in being moral and decent human beings. There's at least some common threads. I'd never be able to date a conservative. Or a very religious person. No common ground to compromise on.
By the way, I once refused a second date with a girl because I didn't like some things she said about Fidel Castro

[piet11111]

She would have to be a leftist and not religious because i unfortunately tend to be a real jerk towards religious people.
I am hopefully mature enough to deal with different political believes then mine for the most part.

[Quail]

I care about my partner's politics in that they would have to be either somewhere on the left or apolitical. I really cannot tolerate people who are casually racist or sexist or homophobic or whatever, and I find a lot of conservative viewpoints lacking in compassion which would be a major turn off.

My current boyfriend says that he likes how passionate I am about anarchism and feminism, so I suppose maybe my politics have helped to attract him haha, but there are many other aspects of my personality too!

[Il Medico]

Should sex and politics be connected?
.
Ha ha ha. No.

[gendoikari]

How have your politics affected your love life? Do you care about your partner's politics?

I would really like to find a revolutionary woman to ... "settle" down with. Though working together to organize protests and rallies and the like I don't think can be considered "settling down"

[Luc]

I would answer but I haven't been in any relationship and can't be.

But I can say that her politics would attract and repel me, and effect the relationship.

[praxis1966]

I didn't use to have a problem dating someone who was either liberal or apolitical. That is, I didn't have any problem with it until I actually started seeing someone who is a revolutionary leftist. We've been together for like seven years now, but I feel like if the worst happened and we broke up there wouldn't be any going back. It's hard enough talking to someone who expects you to agree with this or that bourgeois politician's rhetoric, but people who are apolitical are the worst... I've dated several, and after a while when you begin to mention some topic that really has you fired up and their eyes glaze over for the umpteenth time, you start to get the impression that it's not just your politics they don't care about.


It turns out she has some less than leftist thoughts on Palestine, Luddites, and historical materialism and was a bit more to the right in relation to matters of reformism than I would of liked.

What do you mean when you say Luddites? And no, this isn't a debate trap, lol, I'm just curious as to whether you mean it in the modern technophobe sense or in the historical sense... Also, if you don't mind my asking, what were the opinions that bothered you? I guess I'm wondering because I think this may be the one relationship issue I've never personally had. :lol:

[Susurrus]

I would say that someone may have core values contradictory to their politics, and it is the core values that would influence a relationship.

[thesadmafioso]

I didn't use to have a problem dating someone who was either liberal or apolitical. That is, I didn't have any problem with it until I actually started seeing someone who is a revolutionary leftist. We've been together for like seven years now, but I feel like if the worst happened and we broke up there wouldn't be any going back. It's hard enough talking to someone who expects you to agree with this or that bourgeois politician's rhetoric, but people who are apolitical are the worst... I've dated several, and after a while when you begin to mention some topic that really has you fired up and their eyes glaze over for the umpteenth time, you start to get the impression that it's not just your politics they don't care about.



What do you mean when you say Luddites? And no, this isn't a debate trap, lol, I'm just curious as to whether you mean it in the modern technophobe sense or in the historical sense... Also, if you don't mind my asking, what were the opinions that bothered you? I guess I'm wondering because I think this may be the one relationship issue I've never personally had. :lol:

Historical sense, I'm actually not aware of its use in the modern technophobe sense and I had to have her flesh out the term when I heard it, embarrassingly enough. I mean, I understood the concept and had a stance on it, I just didn't connect the term to the thought.

Anyway, she was supporting the concept of industrial sabotage and I quickly jumped to the defense of orthodox Marxist theory and offered a (somewhat lengthy) explanation detailing its regressive and obstructionist nature.

I wouldn't say that this opinion itself really bothered me significantly, but I presume that my conduct was off putting to her given the actual outcome of the situation.

[praxis1966]

Historical sense, I'm actually not aware of its use in the modern technophobe sense and I had to have her flesh out the term when I heard it, embarrassingly enough. I mean, I understood the concept and had a stance on it, I just didn't connect the term to the thought.

Anyway, she was supporting the concept of industrial sabotage and I quickly jumped to the defense of orthodox Marxist theory and offered a (somewhat lengthy) explanation detailing its regressive and obstructionist nature.

I wouldn't say that this opinion itself really bothered me significantly, but I presume that my conduct was off putting to her given the actual outcome of the situation.

Got it. Just to explain a bit more, the term Luddite as I first became aware of it was used to describe anyone with an aversion, hatred or fear of technology. It's another example of bourgeois hegemony in the same way that the modern use of the term "redneck" is a pejorative and didn't use to be or the way the word "anarchy" now means chaos (when the Greek root words actually just translate as "leaderless"). The first time I heard it (Luddite, that is) was when I was 14 and it wasn't until two years later when I started to radicalize and subsequently deprogram myself that I discovered the historical implications of the term.

You're rarities, the two of you. Anytime I've mentioned the term Luddite in casual conversation IRL I always wind up explaining what it means and the other person just winds up going, "Oh, OK," lol.

[thesadmafioso]

Got it. Just to explain a bit more, the term Luddite as I first became aware of it was used to describe anyone with an aversion, hatred or fear of technology. It's another example of bourgeois hegemony in the same way that the modern use of the term "redneck" is a pejorative and didn't use to be or the way the word "anarchy" now means chaos (when the Greek root words actually just translate as "leaderless"). The first time I heard it (Luddite, that is) was when I was 14 and it wasn't until two years later when I started to radicalize and subsequently deprogram myself that I discovered the historical implications of the term.

You're rarities, the two of you. Anytime I've mentioned the term Luddite in casual conversation IRL I always wind up explaining what it means and the other person just winds up going, "Oh, OK," lol.

Haha, yeah I can easily see how that would be a more difficult term to work into everyday conversation.

And we were indeed, I suppose. Sort of why I'm still quite sore over the whole wretched affair and with my absolute squandering of it.

I mean, yeah, she had a terrible position on the historical tactics applied by Luddites, but at least she could properly use the historical definition of the world in conversation. That in and of itself is something which is regretfully quite the rare trait to discover, especially in someone in this sort of situation.

[Matty_UK]

I've never really gone out with anyone interested in politics - although, one girl I dated a few years back who was very apolitical at the time ran into me at the TUC demo in march, and she was part of the black bloc... which was quite a nice surprise, I often wonder about to what extent her conversations with me influenced her political direction.

I probably wouldn't date a conservative though, not out of principle but I just think it's unlikely to happen because most of my friends are generally quite left leaning. Maybe if I thought her conservatism came from a good place and if she was intelligent, and if she respected my views and appreciated why I believe what I do, but I think arguments about politics would probably be inevitable and unpleasant.

To be honest, I'm not sure I could go out with another political activist. I went out with one girl who said she was but I don't think she knew much about it, apart from quite liking the idea. We never really talked about politics much. And there's been a couple of girls I've met through activism who I've had an interest in, but it seemed like our conversations would always come back to politics, which got tiresome and I think hindered a feeling of personal intimacy. I think it's good to have your romantic life seperate to your political life. Activist couples I know seem to end up a bit obsessive and not very well rounded people.

Overall though, I'd say it's silly to treat someone's politics as a factor in choosing a partner. There are socialists I have trouble carrying a conversation with and conservatives I can chat with for hours. Finding a suitable mate is difficult enough without needlessly limiting your options - if you enjoy spending time with someone and find them attractive, that's enough, regardless of what they might believe.

[Agent Equality]

I try to keep politics and relationships seperate. Its a dangerous mix if you get the two together.

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

It's hard enough talking to someone who expects you to agree with this or that bourgeois politician's rhetoric, but people who are apolitical are the worst... I've dated several, and after a while when you begin to mention some topic that really has you fired up and their eyes glaze over for the umpteenth time, you start to get the impression that it's not just your politics they don't care about.




^^This. I get very wound up by things and like to have a good rant, and the worst fucking thing someone can bloody do is say 'yeah, okay, just calm down'.

I'm not even an angry guy, but when I need to bounce my frustrations against someone, it would help if they soaked it up and agreed or at least intellectually debated me, rather than, as you say, that glazy eye look.

Having said that, I once dated a girl who told me that she thought the NHS shouldn't treat old people because they're a drain on the economy. Needless to say that one didn't work out.:lol:

[#FF0000]

Should sex and politics be connected?

Considering some recent developments, I think it's safe to say that you should avoid fucking somebody who you are working with politically.

Anyway I say generally don't care about their politics, unless they are significantly and consistently to the right. Still, I remember politics being one of the only things me and my last girlfriend had big arguments over, and she was left-leaning/apolitical.

[No_Leaders]

I dated a girl once who was into politics. She was too bourgeois for me. She was all for animal rights and against dictatorships, and oppression etc. Once we would discuss political things that's when she said pretty bluntly my views were "too radical and extreme". This was when i was still a marxist before i shifted towards being an anarchist. Needless to say we broke up not too long later after a hefty discussion about revolution and the need for it(or the lack of need for it in her mind) She was way too pro-peace and said revolution is violent yadda yadda.

I never seem to find a girl who is quite into politics like i am. Which is pretty frustrating, especially when it seems like people jsut aren't aware, or don't care because they're too caught up in the newest fashion, or what their best friend did, or whatever it may be. sorry for typos. maybe i'm a little bit drunkl.

[Iraultzaile Ezkerreko]

I dated a girl whose father purchased an automatic shotgun the day after Obama won the Presidency because there was gonna be a race war and the blacks were gonna steal their wealth. That was the end of that. My current partner is pretty apolitical but gets fired up if I talk about anti-racism, anti-sexism, or anti-homophobia. She's a business student lol. But, it's one of the more balanced relationships I've had and the first that seems to work well in a cohabitation situation.