I don't feel a connection with the LGBT community

[Aspiring Humanist]

Recently I have accepted the fact that I am bisexual, but I'm troubled that I don't really feel any connection with the LGBT community...I feel like I should be enraged by everything thats going on but I just feel apathetic. I'm not out of the closet yet. I don't think I have like internalized homophobia or anything, I accepted my orientation and I'm at peace with it...I just feel like I should be connected to the LGBT community and whats going on...instead I just feel like its someone elses fight when in reality it's my fight too. Maybe it hasn't sunk in that I am a member of the LGBT...what should I do?

[Lenina Rosenweg]

Being lgbt is a way of expressing one's sexuality, there's no one right way to be lgbt.The US media focuses a lot on "lifestylism" giving the impression that being queer is a "lifestyle choice" and a very "campy" one at that.There's nothing at all wrong with being campy but not everyone can or should identify with this.Perhaps the media stereotypes are making you feel alienated?

Not all trannys are RuPaul, not all lesbians are "Ellen" (whom I can't stand myself), not all gay man are, well whoever is the current media darling.

As far as what you should do, what do you want to do? What are you happiest doing?

There is a lot to be angry about, a vast amount of things in this highly fucked up world to be enraged about. I find I am mostly attracted to people, whatever their orientation, who understand how horrible things are and try to take action but who also have a sense of humor and know how to have fun. Having fun is important. People who thrive on anger, base their activism on being "enraged" (and I know people like this) are a turn off.You don't have to be "enraged" by everything but just be cognizant of the very real horrors we face, try to help others and try to enjoy life.

[MarxSchmarx]

Also why not view "the LGBT community" more as "LGBT communities"? Part of this may be a function of where you live. If there aren't many LGBT people open about it or doing anything, then it may seem like a few hell-raisers are "the community".

But in most places there are enough people out there who are at different stages of the coming out process, who express their activism differently, and finally who have different interests and priorities. Just like everyone else.

So don't let people speak for you about what "the LGBT community" is all about - make your own community! And if you're a bit on the fence about being in the thick of things, there are a lot of LGBT who are in the same boat. I'm sure you coluld find connections with people at a similar stage.

[Il Medico]

You should find your local community and get involved in some way, imo, and make friends. Having queer friends really helps in moving into a comfortable place when coming out. All friends will support you without question (any worth the title of 'friend' anyways) but queer friends are an absolute god send as they have gone through the same thing so to speak and can really relate in ways your straight friends can't. But while the community can really help you, some facets of the community can make any leftist cringe, especially within activist groups.

Last year I had only sparse contact with other queers in my area, I felt I should get more involved just like you. When the first and only activist group in my county sprung up on campus, I joined. At first I was fairly excited, I met a lot of great people, many of whom who are still my friends. The group also talked 'big' with plans to aid queer youths kicked out of their homes or otherwise struggling and to act as a support group for those struggling with their identity or anything else. However, in the year and a half since it was founded all we've done is some hell raising, partying, and courting queer businesses and clubs to give us money. "Supporting the community" has come to mean going to the local gay club of choice to buy drinks and tip drag queens. I've all but given up on the main branch due to the sicking liberalism and hypocrisy of it all coupled with their 'top down' tactics. But I have high hopes for a new branch one of my friends is heading, as she shares my feeling on the current one.

I'm not trying to scare you off, I don't regret getting involved with the local community at all, I'm just warning you that most of the groups I've worked with follow the same liberal shit so I would expect any group you join to be dominated by people whose politics will likely make your blood boil. Still it is worth working with these groups if they can still do some good.

Also, advice as a fellow bisexual, you're gonna run into prejudice from some gays and lesbians in the community, especially among the older ones.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Being lgbt is a way of expressing one's sexuality, there's no one right way to be lgbt.The US media focuses a lot on "lifestylism" giving the impression that being queer is a "lifestyle choice" and a very "campy" one at that.There's nothing at all wrong with being campy but not everyone can or should identify with this.Perhaps the media stereotypes are making you feel alienated?

Not all trannys are RuPaul, not all lesbians are "Ellen" (whom I can't stand myself), not all gay man are, well whoever is the current media darling.

As far as what you should do, what do you want to do? What are you happiest doing?

There is a lot to be angry about, a vast amount of things in this highly fucked up world to be enraged about. I find I am mostly attracted to people, whatever their orientation, who understand how horrible things are and try to take action but who also have a sense of humor and know how to have fun. Having fun is important. People who thrive on anger, base their activism on being "enraged" (and I know people like this) are a turn off.You don't have to be "enraged" by everything but just be cognizant of the very real horrors we face, try to help others and try to enjoy life.
RuPaul is a DQ.

[noble brown]

Apparently sexual orientation is a relatively recent social construct. That right there is a game changer. The implications are numerous and enormous.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Apparently sexual orientation is a relatively recent social construct. That right there is a game changer. The implications are numerous and enormous.
Sexual orientation has always been around. The words for it may have changed, the attitudes for it may evolve with culture, but there have always been varying forms of attraction that you claim is a social construct.

[AnonymousOne]

Recently I have accepted the fact that I am bisexual,

Good for you! That's an incredibly important step to take, and you should start reaping benefits soon.


but I'm troubled that I don't really feel any connection with the LGBT community...I feel like I should be enraged by everything thats going on but I just feel apathetic. I'm not out of the closet yet. I don't think I have like internalized homophobia or anything, I accepted my orientation and I'm at peace with it...I just feel like I should be connected to the LGBT community and whats going on...instead I just feel like its someone elses fight when in reality it's my fight too. Maybe it hasn't sunk in that I am a member of the LGBT...what should I do?

A large reason why the LGBTQ+ community tends to flock together is a lot of us lose our families and friends. It's been ten years since I told my parents I was gay and I'm banned from family gatherings. If you have no real reason to as of yet seek out a community of support, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Once you come out and begin to feel, tragically, discrimination and homophobia you may at that time have a larger need for a community that supports you. It's easy to feel apathetic, because you haven't yet faced the same discrimination.


If you're still in school, go check out the LGBTQ+ Center, or the GSA and start talking to people and get involved. It can help you network and get support for when you do come out. If you're not, you may want to look for Pride events around you, or any local Queer groups that could give you a feeling of community.



Sexual orientation has always been around. The words for it may have changed, the attitudes for it may evolve with culture, but there have always been varying forms of attraction that you claim is a social construct.

I think he meant more the idea of sexual orientation as being a part of identity. For example, I think he's arguing Foucault's position that Homosexuality as an identity wasn't invented until recently, before then it was simply an act. Prior to discourses in the fields of psychiatry and medicine, no one could really claim to think of themself as being a homosexual individual

[noble brown]

Yes what he said...I think that I always thought that u were either gay or not, period. We are only socialized to think that which is what I meant by a social construct. What ur actually attracted to isn't. That's seems to be mostly if not completely biological. It would answer alot of contradictions that the idea of sexual orientation draws forth w/in the natural world. Sexuality should easily b a non issue. It sux that we've been brainwashed to think it matters. I hate the"system"

[noble brown]

Don't really know foucault well, I couldn't make it more then a few pages into him, but I was referring to the observation that pre roman cultures exhibited no evidence of any such thing as sexual orientation

[jake williams]

Recently I have accepted the fact that I am bisexual, but I'm troubled that I don't really feel any connection with the LGBT community...I feel like I should be enraged by everything thats going on but I just feel apathetic. I'm not out of the closet yet. I don't think I have like internalized homophobia or anything, I accepted my orientation and I'm at peace with it...I just feel like I should be connected to the LGBT community and whats going on...instead I just feel like its someone elses fight when in reality it's my fight too. Maybe it hasn't sunk in that I am a member of the LGBT...what should I do?
Just because you're sexually attracted to men and women doesn't mean you have any specific and special obligation to fight any specific sort of oppression. Homophobia is wrong and we should all do what we can to oppose it, but you don't have any more obligation to fight it than I do. It's more than understandable that you might decide that because it's an especially important issue for you personally, you're going to focus your energies on fighting that instead of something else, but it's also totally understandable that you might not come to this conclusion, and simply go about your day as you might've anyway.

[Anti Propaganda]

Start getting more active in the radical LGBT community so you can fight for your rights.