My partner (sex life content)

[The Douche]

So my girl is pretty open-minded, sexually. Recently we had a threesome with one of our mutual friends, this particular friend didn't want to do anything to me, which is no big deal. My girl was open to having another threesome after this went down, with someone else who would fool around with me.

Tonight we hung out with a mutual friend, who was clearly trying to get down with us, and there were no missed signals, she even asked me if it was gonna go down. I told her to talk to my girl about it, cause thats how the last one happened. She tried, hard, obviously, and my girlfriend has made it clear that she finds this other girl attractive, and yet, it didn't happen. Despite the other girl's advances my girlfriend took her home.

I plan to talk to her about it when she gets back, but I'm looking for opinions here on why she'd react that way this time. There are no different circumstances between the two girls, we know them both, are friends with them both, and I have no threatening relationship with either of them. Why do you all think this time would be different than the last?

[Leftsolidarity]

So my girl is pretty open-minded, sexually. Recently we had a threesome with one of our mutual friends, this particular friend didn't want to do anything to me, which is no big deal. My girl was open to having another threesome after this went down, with someone else who would fool around with me.

Tonight we hung out with a mutual friend, who was clearly trying to get down with us, and there were no missed signals, she even asked me if it was gonna go down. I told her to talk to my girl about it, cause thats how the last one happened. She tried, hard, obviously, and my girlfriend has made it clear that she finds this other girl attractive, and yet, it didn't happen. Despite the other girl's advances my girlfriend took her home.

I plan to talk to her about it when she gets back, but I'm looking for opinions here on why she'd react that way this time. There are no different circumstances between the two girls, we know them both, are friends with them both, and I have no threatening relationship with either of them. Why do you all think this time would be different than the last?

Maybe she wasn't happy with the last experience, in the mood, or felt jealous.

[Comrade Crow]

I agree with the above, she could have not really enjoyed the last go or has some mixed or negative feelings about it but decided to keep it private from you. Or, maybe, she thought the girl was to attractive, perhaps more attractive than her and didn't know how she would feel about her boyfriend shagging some girl who has her topped (in her mind)?

[Os Cangaceiros]

jesus, if you can handle that than more power to you. I have some pretty weird sexual fantasies, but more than one partner at once is not one of them (despite the belief that it's some kind of universal male fantasy). It sounds overwhelming, like a lot of work. I have a hard enough time pleasing one girl. lol

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

So my girl is pretty open-minded, sexually. Recently we had a threesome with one of our mutual friends, this particular friend didn't want to do anything to me, which is no big deal. My girl was open to having another threesome after this went down, with someone else who would fool around with me.

Tonight we hung out with a mutual friend, who was clearly trying to get down with us, and there were no missed signals, she even asked me if it was gonna go down. I told her to talk to my girl about it, cause thats how the last one happened. She tried, hard, obviously, and my girlfriend has made it clear that she finds this other girl attractive, and yet, it didn't happen. Despite the other girl's advances my girlfriend took her home.

I plan to talk to her about it when she gets back, but I'm looking for opinions here on why she'd react that way this time. There are no different circumstances between the two girls, we know them both, are friends with them both, and I have no threatening relationship with either of them. Why do you all think this time would be different than the last?
I have been trying to convince my man to have a three way but he says that I am free to sleep with other women, he just doesn't want to be there. Which boggles my mind.

[The Douche]

I asked her when she got home, she didn't give me a straight answer.

Which then led to an argument about her not being honest with me, she will pretty much lie about anything she doesn't want to talk about. I wish this didn't lead to an argument, cause now it looks like I got mad that I didn't sleep with another girl, which is not the case, I'm not particularly mad about it, how could I be, if my partner, for whatever reason didn't want to, thats her choice its not like I can be mad at that. But it makes me furious that after like 6 years together she can't just be honest with me about stuff.

[Queercommie Girl]

jesus, if you can handle that than more power to you. I have some pretty weird sexual fantasies, but more than one partner at once is not one of them (despite the belief that it's some kind of universal male fantasy). It sounds overwhelming, like a lot of work. I have a hard enough time pleasing one girl. lol

If the threesome involves you, your girlfriend, and another man, then you only have to do half the work...:lol:

[NoOneIsIllegal]

If the threesome involves you, your girlfriend, and another man, then you only have to do half the work...:lol:
Yes, based on the assumption you're straight and not a jealous lover.
;)

[Principia Ethica]

If she is not wanting to talk about it. . .or is hemming and hawing about giving you answers right now. . .drop it. Threesomes are tricky and she might not have her thoughts and feelings about it sorted out enough to articulate them. Give her time and let her come to you.

Threesomes are kinda tricky to navigate. You're down. . .but you don't know if *she* is 100% totally down. Many women do this to 1) please their men 2) to seem "edgy" but not really feeling it 3) because they want to and love it

To minimize number 1 and 2 from happening. . .let HER take control of the whole situation. Sit back and just let it happen without getting in the mix. Let HER pick out the potential 3rd. Let HER set up how it goes down. . .you take your cues from her. . .at least at first. You want to set up a good foundation if this is going to be a frequent thing. A good foundation is that she trusts you to be looking out for HER. SHE has to feel like she is the most important part of this equation.

Being in this kind of lifestyle, the girl coming in is usually the "play toy" of the established couple. After it all goes down, you need to continue to make it about your gf. Ask her how she felt, how she liked it, what she enjoyed most, what she did that made you really hot. . .try to exclude direct references of the 3rd unless she bring it up specifically.

Unless she is just down and wild like that. . .you gotta tread lightly. I've seen situations like this blow up because the guy pushes too hard. . .either to do it again or make their partners talk about it when they aren't ready. . .so it seems like they are pushing for another romp in the sack with a third. (Hurry up and talk about it so we can do it again. . . )

[The Douche]

If she is not wanting to talk about it. . .or is hemming and hawing about giving you answers right now. . .drop it. Threesomes are tricky and she might not have her thoughts and feelings about it sorted out enough to articulate them. Give her time and let her come to you.

Threesomes are kinda tricky to navigate. You're down. . .but you don't know if *she* is 100% totally down. Many women do this to 1) please their men 2) to seem "edgy" but not really feeling it 3) because they want to and love it

To minimize number 1 and 2 from happening. . .let HER take control of the whole situation. Sit back and just let it happen without getting in the mix. Let HER pick out the potential 3rd. Let HER set up how it goes down. . .you take your cues from her. . .at least at first. You want to set up a good foundation if this is going to be a frequent thing. A good foundation is that she trusts you to be looking out for HER. SHE has to feel like she is the most important part of this equation.

Being in this kind of lifestyle, the girl coming in is usually the "play toy" of the established couple. After it all goes down, you need to continue to make it about your gf. Ask her how she felt, how she liked it, what she enjoyed most, what she did that made you really hot. . .try to exclude direct references of the 3rd unless she bring it up specifically.

Unless she is just down and wild like that. . .you gotta tread lightly. I've seen situations like this blow up because the guy pushes too hard. . .either to do it again or make their partners talk about it when they aren't ready. . .so it seems like they are pushing for another romp in the sack with a third. (Hurry up and talk about it so we can do it again. . . )

This is exactly how it went the first time. But it didn't play out this time, so obviously something was different about the situation. The thing that upsets me is when I asked her "what was different this time", to which she ought to be able to reply "I don't feel comfortable with her" or whatever her reason is, she lied to me.

Like I said, I don't particularly care one way or the other about the threesome, it happens or it doesn't, my life rolls on either way. What upsets me is that my partner of 6 years can't be honest with me.

[Principia Ethica]

This is exactly how it went the first time. But it didn't play out this time, so obviously something was different about the situation. The thing that upsets me is when I asked her "what was different this time", to which she ought to be able to reply "I don't feel comfortable with her" or whatever her reason is, she lied to me.

Like I said, I don't particularly care one way or the other about the threesome, it happens or it doesn't, my life rolls on either way. What upsets me is that my partner of 6 years can't be honest with me.

If she was open enough to try this out, I don't think that she is unable to be honest with you. . .it's that she can't be honest with you right now. Maybe she is just searching for the right words or sorting it out in her head so that she can tell you how she feels without "figuring it out" during the dialog. She might want to give you a clear picture without being at a loss for words.

It is possible that she is harboring some resentment but she doesn't feel justified in feeling that way so she is clamming up. Maybe just hoping that the feelings go away?

Please don't be upset. Maybe the next time you broach the subject, make sure everything is neutral. . .neutral place, you were talking about neutral subjects and open the subject by putting it on yourself.

Something along the lines of: I know we did _______ but something has been nagging me. I think I made you feel ________ but I'm not really sure because we haven't really talked about it. So I've been feeling really shitty at the thought of me perhaps doing ___________. Have I made you feel like this? I never meant to __________. **You know you're my everything (Because you know we love to hear that!) :P

P.S. I love how you are actually thinking about this instead of having the attitude "Fuck it, she'll get over it." Many guys wouldn't be so considerate.

[Pretty Flaco]

Maybe you should just stop having threesomes. There's a thought.

[The Douche]

Maybe you should just stop having threesomes. There's a thought.

Maybe she should be able to say that to me?

[Comrade Crow]

I understand where you're coming from completely mate, my girlfriend is the exact same way, we've been dating for years and still to this day, she will hide or let things fester for ages, anything, small or big, women are weird like that. I've probably shouted the phrase "talk to me, out with it, just speak plainly," more time than I can count. From my experince, getting mad (while understandable and natural) just leads to arguing and or such things and you should try to keep your cool as hard as it may be. It's incredibly frustrating, you can tell something is up, you can tell something is on her mind and bugging her, it's obvious to both you and her and yet, you're sitting there doing all the talking and she's like "nah, I don't wanna talk about it." I don't know, I would probably take the girls here advice over mine.

[praxis1966]

For starters, women aren't just like one thing or the other... I have a tendency to bottle things up only to explode later on and I'm a heteronormative dude. Does that mean I'm acting like a woman? :rolleyes:

No, the likelier explanation is that *gasp* both Comrade Crow and cmoney's partners haven't yet found the specific words to describe their exact thoughts and it's your browbeating them to discuss it immediately that causes the arguments. Instead of getting angry, you both should be thanking them for not have rash arguments at the drop of a hat and waiting until they've figured out exactly what it is that's gnawing at them.

[The Douche]

I can dig not being ready to talk, and I can tolerate being told that the conversation just has to wait. I don't like being lied to, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be lied to, especially when I'm lied to with regularity.

[praxis1966]

I can dig not being ready to talk, and I can tolerate being told that the conversation just has to wait. I don't like being lied to, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be lied to, especially when I'm lied to with regularity.

Yeah, I'm down with what you're saying... My comments were more reserved for CC than you. Sorry for making you repeat yourself, lol.

[Aeval]

I can dig not being ready to talk, and I can tolerate being told that the conversation just has to wait. I don't like being lied to, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be lied to, especially when I'm lied to with regularity.

You said before that she didn't give you a "straight answer" which led to an argument about her lying - did she lie or did she not give you a straight answer? Because those are two different things if it's the latter then I think that's a pretty common occurrence and people have already explained why that might be the case in the thread. Even if she did lie it's probably the case that she didn't want to make you uncomfortable but rather that she feels uncomfortable herself and needs to sort things out in her own head.

I mean, none of us know the situation, we weren't there when you spoke to her and we only have your word, but I know I've had guys confront me about something sexual before in a way that I took to be an overly aggressive or defensive when they probably thought they were just being open about it. Maybe you haven't done this but think about your tone of voice, body language etc when you brought up the subject, sometimes we can all miscommunicate and end up making someone else feel unable to tell us the truth or at least be completely open with us. Maybe you were completely calm and patient when you spoke to her but given the topic and the fact that you clearly are quite annoyed by this I think there's a good chance that that annoyance would have been evident when you spoke to her.

[ellipsis]

Never been in a threesome, GF is not down, plus TBH I can barely handle her, let alone another person.

Also kinda funny you are asking revleft about a threesome, people here are most qualified to give onesome advice...:D

[Manic Impressive]

I've had threesome and a foursome, group sex is overrated in my opinion. Although it was never one of my "OMG I have to try that" fantasies. Also completely different circumstances to cmoney's situation as I wasn't in a relationship at the time.

[Agnapostate]

"Get down" means to hook up and not to fight where you're from?