My girlfriend is a victim of FGM

[Dogs On Acid]

It's fucked up.

I'm going to go into detail so if you're easily offended skip this paragraph.

She's an immigrant from Guinea, we started a relationship 8 months ago, we are students, she's 16 and I was 17 back then, and everything was great until we had sex. Something was strange about her vagina, there was no labia majora or clitoral hood, and her clitoris wasn't very big.
I thought nothing of it and assumed it was just a birth defect or maybe they were there but small, and I didn't pay any attention.
She didn't have much pleasure during sex, even though I tried my best to stimulate the clitoral area by cunnilingus. I knew something was wrong by now.

A couple of months later we were talking about her culture and FGM came up in the conversation. She told me she was mutilated.
And like a shovel to my fucking face I realised what was really wrong with her genitalia.

Me: "What? Are your fucking serious? Who did that to you?"
Her: "I don't really like talking about it..."
Me: "How old where you?"
Her: "7 years old, there was so much blood... (she starts crying)"

I put my arms around her and kissed her forehead, but man was I so fucking furious, not with her, but with her parents and the disgusting tradition she was forced to abide by.

Our relationship is amazing but there's just 1 thing missing: Sex. She does't have much pleasure and it affects her sexual desire. I want to make love to her and she just doesn't feel like it. I get so much more pleasure than her, and it pisses me off! It's just so discomforting and unexciting when I'm having sex with my partner and she doesn't get any sort of pleasure at all. It's heartbreaking at the same time.

I get really emotional when talking about this, first it makes me angry and then I just feel like crying... So I apologize for the bad language.




How FGM is performed in a clinic (traditional practice can be quite unhygienic and messed up) (http://www.charonboat.com/item/242)


Stop Female Genital Mutilation
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UNICEF:
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Every 11 seconds somewhere in the world a girl is victim of female genital mutilation.

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Estimated Prevalence:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e1/Fgm_map.jpg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/44/MEmap.jpg

More in Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_cutting)

After investigating FGM on the internet I found out that Amnesty International has made efforts to stop the practice. Should I join them? Can I help make a difference to the world if I work with other people with the same agenda?

Share solidarity comrades. :unsure:

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

Poor woman. I don't know what else to say really, its a fucked up, culturally backwards thing to do, but thankfully you can understand that and you both manage to maintain a loving relationship. Kudos for that at least, it must be difficult for yourself but I'd hate to think of the pain she has gone through, and also the fact that she can't enjoy sex even though all people should be able to do that. She's been robbed of one thing we can enjoy, as well as the actual thing being a traumatic and painful experience I'd imagine.

Hopefully someone can give you a better answer, I just felt bad for you both when reading it, especially your girlfriend.

[OhYesIdid]

Solidarity, my brother :star3:
I believe those organizations can help, but the real solution is revolution. However, charity is never a bad choice.

[Dogs On Acid]

Solidarity, my brother :star3:
I believe those organizations can help, but the real solution is revolution. However, charity is never a bad choice.

But until we have a revolution in those parts of the world, we have to do what we can, right?

Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going in knowing that one day we will have a Socialist world, free of all this shit. It might not be during our generation, but we'll get there soon :star3:

[danyboy27]

Has strange has it may sound, you can still give her some form of pleasure and still be verry intimate and sensual with her. Kiss her, give her sensual massage, make her feel how much you love her, how much you desire her.
If you cant give her orgasm, you can still give back somehow.

also

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_cutting#Sexual_effects

[Principia Ethica]

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear this. I'm very heartened to know that you are sympathetic to her and very supportive!

This may sound very counter intuitive but sex does not equal intimacy. I personally derive more pleasure from deep passionate kissing, caressing and petting, massage etc. I don't derive that much pleasure from sex and the pleasure I *do* derive is mostly non physical. I get pleasure knowing that I'm being close and intimate.

So find out what non-clitoris-centric things she likes. Find out what makes her feel good. Back rub? Foot rub? What makes her feel connected to you? Caresses on her cheek? Whispering in her ear? Spooning on the couch while watching movies?

You sound like a great, awesome guy. I know you will find creative ways so that the FGM will not become a focus nor a barrier to intimacy with her :)

[danyboy27]

Try to talk to a doctor, perhaps he could help you out on this.

[Dogs On Acid]

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear this. I'm very heartened to know that you are sympathetic to her and very supportive!

This may sound very counter intuitive but sex does not equal intimacy. I personally derive more pleasure from deep passionate kissing, caressing and petting, massage etc. I don't derive that much pleasure from sex and the pleasure I *do* derive is mostly non physical. I get pleasure knowing that I'm being close and intimate.

So find out what non-clitoris-centric things she likes. Find out what makes her feel good. Back rub? Foot rub? What makes her feel connected to you? Caresses on her cheek? Whispering in her ear? Spooning on the couch while watching movies?

You sound like a great, awesome guy. I know you will find creative ways so that the FGM will not become a focus nor a barrier to intimacy with her :)

Oh we are really intimate, always kissing, massage, you name it!

Sex is also important in a relationship, and unfortunately it's missing.

It's never a reason to break up and never will be, for the victim in all this is her, not me.

[Dogs On Acid]

Try to talk to a doctor, perhaps he could help you out on this.

About what exactly?

Her physical condition, sex, or trauma/emotional support?

[Comrade Crow]

There are few things that piss me off more about various socities than FGM and for the record, fuck anyone trying to tell you that it's prescribed in Islaam, that's bullshit, on both side, those cultures whom support the practice and those in the West who denounce Islaam. There is nothing really to wrong with male circumsion but from what I understand, they just scoop everything out with FGM, not literally or basically, but you get the idea. To the OP, I'm sorry to hear about this comrade.

[danyboy27]

About what exactly?

Her physical condition, sex, or trauma/emotional support?

well, a gynecologist could help about about physical condition and sex, trauma and emotional support, a sexologist.

then again i dont know what kind of healthcare system you got.

[Dogs On Acid]

There are few things that piss me off more about various socities than FGM and for the record, fuck anyone trying to tell you that it's prescribed in Islaam, that's bullshit, on both side, those cultures whom support the practice and those in the West who denounce Islaam. There is nothing really to wrong with male circumsion but from what I understand, they just scoop everything out with FGM, not literally or basically, but you get the idea. To the OP, I'm sorry to hear about this comrade.

If it isn't for medical reasons, of course it's wrong.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I get more pleasure through my nipples (when they aren't too tender) then anywhere else in my body.

[Dogs On Acid]

well, a gynecologist could help about about physical condition and sex, trauma and emotional support, a sexologist.

then again i dont know what kind of healthcare system you got.

Good idea, thank you.

She's very shy though, and doesn't like talking about it, so I'll try a soft chat with her about the gynaecologist or sexologist and if she resists then I can shut the fuck up and leave the subject alone before I hurt her feelings.

Our healthcare in Portugal is Nationalized, but I don't work legally (she does), so not sure what it covers.

[Dogs On Acid]

I get more pleasure through my nipples (when they aren't too tender) then anywhere else in my body.

Interesting, I'll look into that. I read somewhere that a small percentage of women can actually climax through nipple stimulation.

[Dogs On Acid]

I know you will find creative ways so that the FGM will not become a focus nor a barrier to intimacy with her :)

I usually never think about it, we have an awesome relationship, especially when it comes to our sense of humour :rolleyes:

When I do think about it, it's during sex, and is a major turn-off.

[danyboy27]

Good idea, thank you.

She's very shy though, and doesn't like talking about it, so I'll try a soft chat with her about the gynaecologist or sexologist and if she resists then I can shut the fuck up and leave the subject alone before I hurt her feelings.

Our healthcare in Portugal is Nationalized, but I don't work legally (she does), so not sure what it covers.

well, good luck, hope she will have all the care she deserve.
take it really easy tho, traumatised peoples have a lot of internal defense mechanism, Some people change the subject, other get angry, other voluntary forget.

Put the emphasis that its for her that she must get care and no one else.
No matter what happen in the future, she deserve every bits of help she can get.

[ComradeGrant]

I actually became filled with rage reading this I cannot imagine how you feel. Solidarity comrade.

[KC]

AFAIK FGM does away with clitoral stimulation, but not vaginal (i.e. "the g-spot"). Have you tried that?

[Niccolò Rossi]

KC beat me too it. Finding her g-spot would help alot.

More importantly though, I imagine the psychological aspect is probably going to be a bigger barrier to sexual pleasure than the physical limitations of her organs. And that's really not something you are gonna be able to find on revleft.

Nic.

[Dogs On Acid]

Thank you for your support guys

[praxis1966]

Thank you for your support guys

That's why we're here, irmãozinho. :)

[brigadista]

there is a great organisation in the UK that campaigns on FGM and provide information and support there is a lot of info on their site I am posting a link in case it is of any help to your girlfriend.:)


http://www.forwarduk.org.uk/


They may know of organisations in Portugal... hope its of help

[LegendZ]

Oh we are really intimate, always kissing, massage, you name it!

Sex is also important in a relationship, and unfortunately it's missing.

It's never a reason to break up and never will be, for the victim in all this is her, not me.Well you could try anal stimulation.
http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/anal-sex-videos-tips/getting-anal-sex-right-the-first-time/
http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/anal-sex-videos-tips/how-to-get-her-to-love-anal-sex-video/
This is a good site. You should probably send them an e-mail telling them your situation and they should give you a response on what to do.

[Salyut]

This is funded by a UFO cult - but the doctors are apparently legit. (http://clitoraid.org/)

[Lobotomy]

hey, I don't really have any advice to give but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're dealing with that and she is very lucky to have someone who is understanding and willing to work with it.

[KC]

Not to sound like an ass, but let us know how it goes. I'm genuinely curious if vaginal stimulation would be something that would work for FGM victims.