I don't want to turn into a woman hater

[Leftsolidarity]

I'm only 17 and almost every female in my life, whether sexual or not, has seemed to in the end only hurt me. I have many problems with my mother since she kicked me out of her house and moved across the country without telling me. My step-mother and I do not get along at all. I loathe my step-sister for various reasons even though I feel bad because she has disabilities. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up with me and told me that she's been cheating on me for a few months and pretty much dating this other guy. I could go on.

I have seen my closet friends and other bandmates, besides my ex-girlfriend, all become very negative towards women since we all have almost identical backgrounds. I don't want to be like that.

Well that's my little rant. I just sort of had to tell someone that so I guess I'll tell it to a whole bunch of strangers on the internet.

[Coach Trotsky]

I'm only 17 and almost every female in my life, whether sexual or not, has seemed to in the end only hurt me. I have many problems with my mother since she kicked me out of her house and moved across the country without telling me. My step-mother and I do not get along at all. I loathe my step-sister for various reasons even though I feel bad because she has disabilities. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up with me and told me that she's been cheating on me for a few months and pretty much dating this other guy. I could go on.

I have seen my closet friends and other bandmates, besides my ex-girlfriend, all become very negative towards women since we all have almost identical backgrounds. I don't want to be like that.

Well that's my little rant. I just sort of had to tell someone that so I guess I'll tell it to a whole bunch of strangers on the internet.
It's 21st Century globalized capitalism, and everyone is easily disposable here.
Did the liberal-left "progressives" really make it better, or in fact did they prove themselves the best managers of capitalism by engineering the social incentives differently so that EVERYONE is trying to cut everyone else' throats for a few more (always elusive, but dangled in front of us in the mass media constantly) scarps from the cappie massa' table?

Don't get negative against women. Get VERY NEGATIVE toward capitalism and its defenders on both Left and Right. It is capitalism that says that people like you are worthless and disposable.

[Rooster]

I don't want to sound patronising but you're only 17. You're supposed to be angsty at that age. Things will even out and you'll eventually find someone good for you, man. I still vaguely remember being 17 and being a moody bastard and I turned out alright.

[Leftsolidarity]

I don't want to sound patronising but you're only 17. You're supposed to be angsty at that age. Things will even out and you'll eventually find someone good for you, man. I still vaguely remember being 17 and being a moody bastard and I turned out alright.

Yeah man I really hope so. I've seen how some of my older friends in their 20's or so have become and I really don't want to become like them even though we all have the exact same conditions.

[Rooster]

Yeah man I really hope so. I've seen how some of my older friends in their 20's or so have become and I really don't want to become like them even though we all have the exact same conditions.

I used to be a very angry young man. I ended up being homeless for a couple of years and stuff because of it. But all I can say is that I grew out of it. I'm still the same person from when I was that age but I'm no longer angry (or as angry as I was). Are you at university yet? Do you have a job? What are your friends in their 20s like?

[Leftsolidarity]

I ended up being homeless for a couple of years and stuff because of it.

I got a number of friends in that situation right now


Are you at university yet? Do you have a job? What are your friends in their 20s like?

I'm going into senior year of highschool but I'm not going to any schooling after that. I didn't get a job this summer because I was trying to be available whenever so I could try to visit my now ex-girlfriend. I do plan to get one once the school year starts though. They are nihilistic, drunk/mild drug users, who only have the time to worry about how they are going to eat next and hopefully get laid. Not trying to talk shit about them haha since that is/will be me in less than a year but that is just blunt honesty.

[Stand Your Ground]

I'm 21 but I know exactly how feel. My girlfriend of 4 years just left me last thursday, just took off, said she'd be back in an hour and never came back. She won't come see me or even talk to me on the phone. :crying: Life is fucking shitty, not all women are like that though. If you need to talk I am here for you comrade.

[praxis1966]

OP, you need to remind yourself of a couple of things. First of all, you're young. This has everything to do with your perspective in multitudinous ways. Personal experience has taught you a few things, but not much since you haven't been on the planet that long, relatively speaking.

You need to keep in mind that some women may have treated you poorly, and that's a reason to dislike those specific individuals. You're still young enough that you haven't met that many people yet, so you're hardly in a position to be judging large groups of folks by any standard no matter what gender they are. You sound like a reasonably intelligent person, so you may have already figured this out, but repetition is the key to remembering as my mother the teacher always used to say.

Further, getting dumped and getting your heart trampled all over is what's supposed to happen when you're a teenager. As my father used to say, the point of dating isn't to find somebody you're going to marry the first time round, the point of dating is so that when you break up with your first, second, third or whatever love is so that you can figure out by process of elimination what qualities you do and don't want from a future partner.

Finally, all teens (myself included when I was that age) are a little myopic. What I mean is, every little damned thing means the end of the world. Everything seems much larger than it really is. But as a wiser man than myself once said, this too shall pass...

Oh yeah, and try and put yourself in other people's shoes... not that you haven't done so already, but still. Your step-sister, step-mom, your real mom, all of those people are dealing with things both past and present that may be affecting the way they treat you... So maybe next time when one of these people gets short with you or treats you in a way you disapprove of, instead of starting an argument, maybe just ask them something like, "Ok, so what can I do to remedy this situation?" or "Is there something going on that's bothering you that you'd like to talk about?" And get some new friends for chrissakes, yeah? The ones you have really aren't doing you any good and I think you know that, lol.

[Comrade Crow]

I don't want to sound patronising but you're only 17. You're supposed to be angsty at that age. Things will even out and you'll eventually find someone good for you, man. I still vaguely remember being 17 and being a moody bastard and I turned out alright.

This is true but even still, I'm older and I still go through the same crap and so does every adult. Same shit, different age. I tend to agree with the poster who said the root-cause is capitalist social conditioning, we're all disposable and it's how much you can give and give, give, give. Which is all well and good unless you're not some rich fat cat and can only muster up some flowers every anniversary and maybe a movie every now and again and definately not that 5k ring she's been wanting. As for saying "fuck women," I think this is natural for a young man to think, I've thought it numerous times and I'm sure other dudes here have too. It's just a natual psychological response to such situations, you can't control it, you can't make sense of it, you can't change it, so, "fuck women." It's a self-defense mechanism I think for feeling hurt, neglected, cheated and inadequate both in the relationship and at changing your current situation. Usually when X becomes a problem you say "fuck X," as a natural emotive response, in this case women. I've felt the same sort of thing when my loved ones have died, "fuck death, fuck that natural process, fuck that vague abstract concept, blah blah blah." But, chin up, there is like 6 billion people on this planet, surely there is a mate that will treat you/us good eventually, how I see it and if not, then fuck it, there had better be a jahanna with my 72 houris (joke).

[Queercommie Girl]

I'm a trans-woman and one of my best girlfriends (in the conventional sense) was abused and beaten by her anarchist boyfriend. (She is also an anarchist) She told me guys can be the worst assholes, and at the risk of generalising, I'd probably agree. Boyfriends can be much bigger assholes (and violent assholes too) than girlfriends. (To be fair, her boyfriend isn't completely bad because at least he isn't transphobic at all, she is a trans-girl and he really treats her like a girl in every way, just that he doesn't always treat women in general very well - by the way, this is proof that transphobia and sexism are always intrinsically linked for trans-women, there is no point in eliminating transphobia without eliminating sexism, Iran comes to mind...)

Take transphobia for instance. There are some feminists who are transphobic, but female transphobia is simply not on the same level as male transphobia. Female transphobia is much more subtle and generally non-violent. Statistically almost every serious case of violence against trans-women, like murder and rape, are conducted by males.

Of course, this doesn't mean I'm a "man hater", but maybe what I said here can put some things into a bit of perspective...

[Stand Your Ground]

I'm 21 but I know exactly how feel. My girlfriend of 4 years just left me last thursday, just took off, said she'd be back in an hour and never came back. She won't come see me or even talk to me on the phone. :crying: Life is fucking shitty, not all women are like that though. If you need to talk I am here for you comrade.
Fuck this hurts like hell...:crying:

[Comrade Crow]

Fuck this hurts like hell...:crying:

Solidarity. :blackA:

I sympathize with all of you, I'm going through some tough shit with my gf too. We've been dating for a long time, we're supposed to be getting married and all this shits but a monkey wrench has been thrown in the machines and not the good kind. It does indeed, hurt like hell.

[Leftsolidarity]

Fuck this hurts like hell...:crying:

I with you on that. I was going to be moving in with her in less than a year, she's been my whole teenage life, and I still want to be with her even though she cheated on me for so long. There is the possibility of us getting back together sometime which I really hope happens (even though I've usually had the policy to myself to never do that). I just hope I can get over the cheating so that the relationship would work and even just so we can still be friends and bandmates. It's really tough to realize that she would go get with another guy then would come cuddle with me and kiss me and to tell me I can always trust her. That hurts like no other.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

After things got shitty with my ex, I told myself to not let myself get attached to a partner in the same way. I know you can't always plan things (especially when feelings are involved), but I think its important to not have illusions in romance and understand that things can (and will) go wrong at points in your life. If you can take anything from this, don't hate women because women and men are just as bad as each other when it comes to relationships, but just try and prepare for the worst.

I've had a few opportunities to get back into serious relationships but I stopped myself - we're young, things wont last and we all end up with hassle we don't need. I prepare for the worst in terms of relationships and I'm careful about choosing partners - it might sound bad, but in my view, getting into long term committed relationships at a young age (or perhaps any age) is contrary to human needs/desires. Relationships seem to be a social construct that always end in misery. Take from that what you will, good luck

[praxis1966]

I with you on that. I was going to be moving in with her in less than a year, she's been my whole teenage life, and I still want to be with her even though she cheated on me for so long. There is the possibility of us getting back together sometime which I really hope happens (even though I've usually had the policy to myself to never do that). I just hope I can get over the cheating so that the relationship would work and even just so we can still be friends and bandmates.

Look, I'm not going to order you around, but let me just tell you the conclusion I came to the one time I got back together with an ex from a poisoned first relationship: Getting together with an ex is like pulling a jug of spoiled milk out of the fridge, looking at the expiration date, and putting it back in again saying, "It should be better tomorrow." Incidentally, this is why I never pursued the drummer of a band I played in once even though I knew there was a mutual attraction. Ever hear of Abba? lol

[Dr Mindbender]

I know its hard to believe, but there ARE nice girls out there. They're just well distributed. From about the age of 16 to my early twenties i was also going through a ''all women are evil phase''. Now I have a wife who is honest, loyal, pretty, smart and everything i could ask for. Keep hanging on, you will bump into a good one eventually.

[Comrade Crow]

I know its hard to believe, but there ARE nice girls out there. They're just well distributed. From about the age of 16 to my early twenties i was also going through a ''all women are evil phase''. Now I have a wife who is honest, loyal, pretty, smart and everything i could ask for. Keep hanging on, you will bump into a good one eventually.

And so we see a glint of light at the end of tunnel.

[Tablo]

I've never felt all women to be evil because by the time I started dating I already had a large number of female friends. Everyone can be an asshole at times and I think I can safely say I am definitely an asshole when it comes to relationships and I also have a dick. If you had more female friends I feel like you wouldn't be thinking the way you are.

[Dr Mindbender]

Some of it is about identifying cues and opportunities to start relationships. Especially for someone as socially inept as myself. Due to my naivety and/or fear of causing an awkward scene I passed by a few nice women despite their subtle hints that they were interested and only in hindsight did i realise my mistakes (one of which was an old party comrade actually). I carried those regrets for a while.

[Leftsolidarity]

I've never felt all women to be evil because by the time I started dating I already had a large number of female friends. Everyone can be an asshole at times and I think I can safely say I am definitely an asshole when it comes to relationships and I also have a dick. If you had more female friends I feel like you wouldn't be thinking the way you are.

I'm not saying I think that way now. I know it is wrong to blame a whole gender for the actions of a few. I am just worried that as I grow I will start to become more jaded and turn out like my friends.

[praxis1966]

I am just worried that as I grow I will start to become more jaded and turn out like my friends.

Not to be an ass, but do something about it if that's the way you feel! ;)

If it makes you feel any better, though, I think the fact that you've started this thread and that you're vocalizing these kinds of thoughts means you've thought an awful lot about it. That says to me that you're in far less danger of turning out a certain way because intellectually you've identified the potential pitfalls if you continue down the path you're on. That, hermanito, is the tricky part because most people never even get that far.

Now that that business is over could we please use the word women, not girls? Kay, thanks.

[Die Rote Fahne]

Remember, they didn't treat you bad because they were women, but because they were shitty people.

[Leftsolidarity]

Not to be an ass, but do something about it if that's the way you feel! ;)

If it makes you feel any better, though, I think the fact that you've started this thread and that you're vocalizing these kinds of thoughts means you've thought an awful lot about it. That says to me that you're in far less danger of turning out a certain way because intellectually you've identified the potential pitfalls if you continue down the path you're on. That, hermanito, is the tricky part because most people never even get that far.

Now that that business is over could we please use the word women, not girls? Kay, thanks.

haha you're not being an ass and I know that I just don't exactly know what TO do about it so I figured my as well see what other people have to say about it.

[praxis1966]

haha you're not being an ass and I know that I just don't exactly know what TO do about it so I figured my as well see what other people have to say about it.

Specifically, meet some new people. The one place in my shitty backwater of a hometown where I knew I could meet interesting and like-minded people was an indie coffee bar that held poetry readings and open mic nights. Maybe see if you can find one of those and just talk to folks... Ask if you can sit in with some of the musicians. I think the most obvious thing is just get out of this rut you're in because you'll never feel any better until you do.

Now get out there and be somebody! :lol:

[bailey_187]

dno if its been said in other words but oh well, im oh so articulate:

its unfortunate about your mother. but the other two major females in ur life are a relation to you that can easily turn bad (not always). try getting some close female friends (i dno if u can try, but be open to it i guess?), as they wont be in a position to majorly hurt you (anymore than a male friend could), but you may also become close to them so u wont have the feeling that you hate females or be scared of females or whatever

[Cane Nero]

Yeah man I really hope so. I've seen how some of my older friends in their 20's or so have become and I really don't want to become like them even though we all have the exact same conditions.

I think your friends are pretty reasonable...

[Leftsolidarity]

I think your friends are pretty reasonable...

As in lifestyle? Yeah, I'm right there with them but I mean just their attitude towards women.

[Blackscare]

I think you're getting a bit down on things man.

I got burned really badly by my first girlfriend in a prolonged, terrible situation. I was left dangling on a hook and kept in her back pocket for a year and a half after we even broke up. I hated her at the end, absolutely hated her. And I didn't pursue another female for almost two years. I didn't trust women and I didn't have any real emotional impulses even to girls I would get a little close to (and then back away from, of course).

But, having the advantage of bisexuality, I came to notice that dating guys was just as bad. It has nothing to do with "women", it has to do with the fact that all people are absolutely terrible under the right conditions.

I allowed the situation with my first girlfriend to happen, I was naive. Extremely naive. And as I burned through boyfriends and then girlfriends I got better at picking people. I realized what kind of person I was naturally inclined towards and realized that they were all terrible people (manipulative and chaotic, specifically). I started choosing different types and I don't (or can't) get very emotionally invested anymore. It works for me, I have light relationships and I just sort of wait to see if some real feelings emerge. It's kind of selfish I suppose but it's the best that I can do or would want to do.



I mean I'm a little older than you and not generally the most well-adjusted so take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm a really cold person when it comes down to emotional bonding, I didn't used to be like that. Then again you don't get hurt that way. But you need to understand that everyone has a certain type that they're attracted to. And there's a reason that certain people become interested in you beyond mere looks. Couples usually fit together like some fucked up, miserable puzzle piece. Maybe you like crazy girls (this is a weakness of mine), maybe you wind up with passive girls or really bossy ones, whatever. Notice patterns and try to alter your habits. That's the only way you'll get over this "woman hate". Women aren't to blame, you just have to understand the type of role you play in relationships and what sort of partner would be suitable.



You say you were abandoned by your mom, that's not good in terms of the type of choices you make. For instance, I was a caretaker and mediator for my mom who was an alcoholic when I was very young. I had to take on responsibilities that no small child should. As a result, I can be very codependent. But now I understand this and I avoid any girl that I'm way too into (most of the time) because that probably means that they're absolutely fucking nuts, or have drug problems, or some other bullshit that I'll feel inclined to fix. So I'm very picky, I make sure I know a person's game before I get involved. Once you start to care about someone it gets hard to consider them clearly and understand their intentions. I'm not sure how or why it works out like this, but I know for certain it does just from observation of myself and others. If you're not careful you'll probably wind up with a lot of abandoning partners in your future.




Bah humbug.

[Coach Trotsky]

Remember, they didn't treat you bad because they were women, but because they were shitty people.

Exploitative societies turns people into monsters.

[Misanthrope]

Remember, they didn't treat you bad because they were women, but because they were shitty people.

Thank you for this comrade....

I'm in high school and have just this second gotten a *****y text from a girl that I liked. I don't have women... I HATE FUCKING PEOPLE


BOTTOMS UP COMRADES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I'm only 17 and almost every female in my life, whether sexual or not, has seemed to in the end only hurt me. I have many problems with my mother since she kicked me out of her house and moved across the country without telling me. My step-mother and I do not get along at all. I loathe my step-sister for various reasons even though I feel bad because she has disabilities. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up with me and told me that she's been cheating on me for a few months and pretty much dating this other guy. I could go on.

I have seen my closet friends and other bandmates, besides my ex-girlfriend, all become very negative towards women since we all have almost identical backgrounds. I don't want to be like that.

Well that's my little rant. I just sort of had to tell someone that so I guess I'll tell it to a whole bunch of strangers on the internet.


Some women are backstabbers, but not all of us. No single person male or female is all good or all bad we are all somewhere between.
I think being angsty as a teenager is normal. I was angsty as a teen my baby sister is a teenager and she is angsty. Teen angst is normal You don't have to worry, just know that everyone is an individual so sweeping feelings for an entire group of people will only cut off your options in life. Wow, I feel old saying all this.

[Le Libérer]

Observation. I have never seen a thread created by a woman that reads "I don't want to turn into a man hater". And if there was one, how would it tie into this one?

Being a bi-sexual woman, its hard for me to wrap my head around "hating" someone in a relationship based on gender. Why hate the gender? Why reference the gender when identifying hurt feelings in a relationship?

I realize the OP has made various examples to include step mom and sister. But look at the direction this thread has taken. It has turned into "I dont want to hate women, BUT".
Its also made female members feel a need to go into a defense mode.

OP, your feelings towards the women in your life are probably understandable. But try to focus on the person not their gender. I think if you look deep enough, you will realize there are as many men in your life who have done you wrong as women. Maybe not? But still, its not the gender, but the individual you should be cautious of.

[PhoenixAsh]

That is not only hard to wrap your head around if you are bisexual or if you are a woman.

I have been beaten up or punched by quite a few guys...I don't hate all men because of that....and I suspect neither would the OP.

So what I think is going on is that OP has expectations and is looking for recognition by women...for some underlying subconscious reason...which is the reason why the same behaviour by a woman could cause more hurt than the same behaviour by a man. And why it perhaps is easier for a woman to hurt, intentionally or unintentionally. This is not a personal attack or meant in a negative way...I suggest you seriously think about what I am saying here and evaluate your own personality/psyche on this.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Observation. I have never seen a thread created by a woman that reads "I don't want to turn into a man hater". And if there was one, how would it tie into this one?

Being a bi-sexual woman, its hard for me to wrap my head around "hating" someone in a relationship based on gender. Why hate the gender? Why reference the gender when identifying hurt feelings in a relationship?

I am bisexual and when I love someone I (on some level) hate them as well. I think it is because they make me feel and I don't want to feel.

[Le Libérer]

I am bisexual and when I love someone I (on some level) hate them as well. I think it is because they make me feel and I don't want to feel.
You get my point then, its not the gender of the person, but the person. I've only been in love once and I didnt ever hate him. I hated we didnt get along. I hated he died. But I never hated him. It was horribly painful to lose him. I almost didnt make it out alive.

We tend to project internally our emotions or how we perceive that person feels about us into our thinking. (ALL of us regardless of gender or sexual identity) I have found out years later what I perceived as things projected at me, werent at all. If you arent willing to open up and put it all out on the table, theres no way to know how someone else feels.

My best advise to OP is go to those people and tell them exactly how he feels with out an accusing them. An example would be, " Remember when we argued about .....? I was very hurt when we parted angrily. Instead of " remember that time you did .... to me? Its all how you present without accusing the other party of wrong. You get much better feedback and eventually healing when you realize that person is just as hurt as you are.

[praxis1966]

Thank you for this comrade....

I'm in high school and have just this second gotten a *****y text from a girl that I liked. I don't have women... I HATE FUCKING PEOPLE


BOTTOMS UP COMRADES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This post constitutes a verbal warning for discriminatory language.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

You get my point then, its not the gender of the person, but the person. I've only been in love once and I didnt ever hate him. I hated we didnt get along. I hated he died. But I never hated him. It was horribly painful to lose him. I almost didnt make it out alive.

We tend to project internally our emotions or how we perceive that person feels about us into our thinking. (ALL of us regardless of gender or sexual identity) I have found out years later what I perceived as things projected at me, werent at all. If you arent willing to open up and put it all out on the table, theres no way to know how someone else feels.

My best advise to OP is go to those people and tell them exactly how he feels with out an accusing them. An example would be, " Remember when we argued about .....? I was very hurt when we parted angrily. Instead of " remember that time you did .... to me? Its all how you present without accusing the other party of wrong. You get much better feedback and eventually healing when you realize that person is just as hurt as you are.
The man that I am so head over heels for makes me angry enough to turn me on but on the other side of it is sweet enough to keep me in love.

If he didn't make me absolutely furious I don't think he'd turn me on.

I am a feisty submissive though.

[Le Libérer]

The man that I am so head over heels for makes me angry enough to turn me on but on the other side of it is sweet enough to keep me in love.

If he didn't make me absolutely furious I don't think he'd turn me on.

I am a feisty submissive though.

Omg, I am so there. :)

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Omg, I am so there. :)
Ay dios mio!

[Leftsolidarity]

Thanks for the replies everyone. They have really helped me think about who I am now and what I am going to do to let myself grow in a positive way without falling into the same pits that I've watched so many others do.

btw, I just wanted to repeat because it seems that some people have missed that part but I was not saying that I hate women now. I was saying that I have a bad history with women in my life just like my friends and I have noticed what they have become and I want to avoid that.

[-marx-]

Remember, they didn't treat you bad because they were women, but because they were shitty people.
Exactly! And there are more shitty people in the world than good ones in my experience. It's a reflection of society.

[Stand Your Ground]

I finally got to talk to my ex, she says she's confused, she doesn't know what she wants. She says she loves me but because we were together so long (4 years) she feels like she never got to live. :confused::(

I know I should tell her to go, be free, but I love her so fucking much. The pain is so deep. I need help...I'm gonna try to go get some sleep...

[Leftsolidarity]

I finally got to talk to my ex, she says she's confused, she doesn't know what she wants. She says she loves me but because we were together so long (4 years) she feels like she never got to live. :confused::(

I know I should tell her to go, be free, but I love her so fucking much. The pain is so deep. I need help...I'm gonna try to go get some sleep...

That's one of the reasons my girlfriend had cheated on me too.

[Thirsty Crow]

That's one of the reasons my girlfriend had cheated on me too.
I never understood, what's up with this "I never lived life fully" when one has had a handful of very interesting experiences (in a non-sexual and sexual way) and really didn't feel a need to have sex with someone else but did, and still referred to this bit of popular wisdom?
Is it a whim or something else?

[Leftsolidarity]

I never understood, what's up with this "I never lived life fully" when one has had a handful of very interesting experiences (in a non-sexual and sexual way) and really didn't feel a need to have sex with someone else but did, and still referred to this bit of popular wisdom?
Is it a whim or something else?

I don't understand it either and it's one of the reasons I've given up on her. Seriously, fuck that. That's not a problem I can fix and I guess she would rather go get with some guys that couldn't give a shit about her instead of the person that loves her and has been with her for 2 and a half years. I think it's a shit ass excuse.

[brigadista]

Leftsolidarity you are 17 and sound like you got some shit. but I can assure you there are some Great women out there and you will meet them.. take heart and stay strong:):):)

just want to say didn't want to come off patronising by mentioning your age so apologies if it sounded like that.

[The Man]

I'm fifteen years old currently (Young, I know), and I was with this girl for 1 and a half years. She was so fantastic, We cuddled every opportunity we had, we kissed all of the time, we talked on the phone for hours sometimes. We were always laughing, and going out to the mall.. It was all going completely fine, and then one night she said "Were done", and hung up.

Haven't heard from her since February.. To this day, I cannot stop thinking about her. Does anyone know a way to overcome this feeling?

[Stand Your Ground]

I don't understand it either and it's one of the reasons I've given up on her. Seriously, fuck that. That's not a problem I can fix and I guess she would rather go get with some guys that couldn't give a shit about her instead of the person that loves her and has been with her for 2 and a half years. I think it's a shit ass excuse.
Very poor excuse, especially because when we had some problems in our relationship before she begged me not to break up with her, she said she wanted to build a life with me.


I'm fifteen years old currently (Young, I know), and I was with this girl for 1 and a half years. She was so fantastic, We cuddled every opportunity we had, we kissed all of the time, we talked on the phone for hours sometimes. We were always laughing, and going out to the mall.. It was all going completely fine, and then one night she said "Were done", and hung up.

Haven't heard from her since February.. To this day, I cannot stop thinking about her. Does anyone know a way to overcome this feeling?
I wish I knew, I'm in that same shit hole. I need to move on but I don't know how.

[The Man]

Very poor excuse, especially because when we had some problems in our relationship before she begged me not to break up with her, she said she wanted to build a life with me.


I wish I knew, I'm in that same shit hole. I need to move on but I don't know how.

Tell me if you find a solution.. It really pains me. I think the only way to stop it is to get into another relationship.. and you know how that goes after you dropped one.

[Leftsolidarity]

I'm fifteen years old currently (Young, I know), and I was with this girl for 1 and a half years. She was so fantastic, We cuddled every opportunity we had, we kissed all of the time, we talked on the phone for hours sometimes. We were always laughing, and going out to the mall.. It was all going completely fine, and then one night she said "Were done", and hung up.

Haven't heard from her since February.. To this day, I cannot stop thinking about her. Does anyone know a way to overcome this feeling?

Dead brain cells is what I'm trying

[Dr Mindbender]

Dead brain cells is what I'm trying

if by that you mean drinking you wont find any solutions at the bottom of a can of beer
[/old man talk]

[Leftsolidarity]

if by that you mean drinking you wont find any solutions at the bottom of a can of beer
[/old man talk]

But I can sure forget my problems hahaha

Really though, I plan to be drinking, smoking, huffing, and fucking my problems away for a little while. Then once I'm done being a baby I'll figure out the mature thing to do.

[Stand Your Ground]

Tell me if you find a solution.. It really pains me. I think the only way to stop it is to get into another relationship.. and you know how that goes after you dropped one.
I know, the pain goes right down to your core. I've gotten little sleep and haven't eaten much in days. My head is all fucked up. I think finding someone else would help but I don't have much luck with finding someone who will actually date me.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I finally got to talk to my ex, she says she's confused, she doesn't know what she wants. She says she loves me but because we were together so long (4 years) she feels like she never got to live. :confused::(

I know I should tell her to go, be free, but I love her so fucking much. The pain is so deep. I need help...I'm gonna try to go get some sleep...
If you love someone let them go and if they comeback you know that it's meant to be.

[Leftsolidarity]

If you love someone let them go and if they comeback you know that it's meant to be.

You know I actually have a problem with that whole "meant to be" attitude. Nothing is meant to be and not everything happens for a reason. There is no higher power making sure things eventually fall into place for me. I need to do that on my own. If you just let someone go it's a good chance that you will never been together again or if it does happen it won't work. It's something that even though is incredibly painful to tell myself that what should have happened most likely never will because of some bullshit I can't even control but I know it's the truth. If you give up you give up and that's it. No one is going to take the reigns for you and keep going.

[Stand Your Ground]

If you love someone let them go and if they comeback you know that it's meant to be.
Also, if you let them go, they tend to forget about you and not come back. Made that mistake before.

[LevDavidovichBronstein]

Some women are assholes, just as some men are assholes.

I guess you just haven't found the one for you yet.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Also, if you let them go, they tend to forget about you and not come back. Made that mistake before.
If you try to hold on to them they will likely push you away.

[Leftsolidarity]

If you try to hold on to them they will likely push you away.

From the situation I'm in and seen of others it's pretty much a situation where you're fucked either way.

[Stand Your Ground]

If you try to hold on to them they will likely push you away.
I don't understand why she would do that though, after 4 years she just gets up one day, says she doesn't know what she wants and everything turns to shit. :(

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I don't understand why she would do that though, after 4 years she just gets up one day, says she doesn't know what she wants and everything turns to shit. :(
When men (or women) would try to hold me in a relationship I would get sick of it. You want to know what the guy I am head over heels did right? He gave me my freedom and since I know it's there I use it less.

[Stand Your Ground]

When men (or women) would try to hold me in a relationship I would get sick of it. You want to know what the guy I am head over heels did right? He gave me my freedom and since I know it's there I use it less.
Thanks, it's gonna be hard but I'm gonna try to do that. I don't really have much choice anyway.

[maskerade]

The only way to get over an ex is to have a lot of sex. It may be hard at first, and you might cry, but eventually things will get better.

And smoke a lot of weed.

[Stand Your Ground]

The only way to get over an ex is to have a lot of sex. It may be hard at first, and you might cry, but eventually things will get better.

And smoke a lot of weed.
That's not really an option for me, I don't feel meaningless sex is right for me, and being straightedge I don't smoke.

[maskerade]

That's not really an option for me, I don't feel meaningless sex is right for me, and being straightedge I don't smoke.

I guess you could go running, always helps me when I'm in a funk.

[Stand Your Ground]

I guess you could go running, always helps me when I'm in a funk.
I could try that, I do need a fuckload of suggestions to keep myself busy while she's figuring things out. I also need to eat and catch up on some sleep, didn't do much of either in over a week. :unsure:

[praxis1966]

I don't understand why she would do that though, after 4 years she just gets up one day, says she doesn't know what she wants and everything turns to shit. :(

How old is she? Because I've gone through something similar, only when I was pretty young. Seems to me most of the behavior described in this thread has mostly to do with people being kids more than anything else. As the Dante character in Clerks said, "That's what high school's all about... Algebra, bad lunch and infidelity."

I applaud you guys for taking your relationships seriously and being willing to commit, but you're way ahead of the game (which is a good thing IMO) if you're asking for commitments when you're still in your teens... Hell, even in your early 20s you'd be ahead of the game. So I guess what I'm saying is that eventually somebody's going to really appreciate that part of your character, but don't go on hating people because they act the way most people your age do: like kids.

EDIT: And yeah, I know every person in their late teens is reading this going, "Fuck you, dude. I'm grown." And yeah, you may be more mature for your age than most people, but let's just say I didn't realize what a dipshit I was until I was about 25, lol.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I could try that, I do need a fuckload of suggestions to keep myself busy while she's figuring things out. I also need to eat and catch up on some sleep, didn't do much of either in over a week. :unsure:
Reading, sewing, gardening, making music, listening to music, writing poetry, watching movies, eating icecream, peeing in churches, yelling at the suits, fighting, shopping...
those are things I do.

[Queercommie Girl]

I could try that, I do need a fuckload of suggestions to keep myself busy while she's figuring things out. I also need to eat and catch up on some sleep, didn't do much of either in over a week. :unsure:

Awww...poor you :crying:

[Stand Your Ground]

How old is she? Because I've gone through something similar, only when I was pretty young. Seems to me most of the behavior described in this thread has mostly to do with people being kids more than anything else. As the Dante character in Clerks said, "That's what high school's all about... Algebra, bad lunch and infidelity."

I applaud you guys for taking your relationships seriously and being willing to commit, but you're way ahead of the game (which is a good thing IMO) if you're asking for commitments when you're still in your teens... Hell, even in your early 20s you'd be ahead of the game. So I guess what I'm saying is that eventually somebody's going to really appreciate that part of your character, but don't go on hating people because they act the way most people your age do: like kids.

EDIT: And yeah, I know every person in their late teens is reading this going, "Fuck you, dude. I'm grown." And yeah, you may be more mature for your age than most people, but let's just say I didn't realize what a dipshit I was until I was about 25, lol.
She's 19 & I'm 21. I know I'm still pretty young, but I feel ready to settle down now, I've had my fair share of relationships and I'm just looking for that one now. I can't say for sure how she feels, but over our 4 years she has always told me she wanted to build a life with me, it was her idea to make wedding plans as well.


Reading, sewing, gardening, making music, listening to music, writing poetry, watching movies, eating icecream, peeing in churches, yelling at the suits, fighting, shopping...
those are things I do.
Thanks, I will definitely do some of those to occupy my time.


Awww...poor you :crying:
Is that sarcasm...?

[Queercommie Girl]

Is that sarcasm...?

Of course it's not. It's comradely solidarity. ;)

(blows a kiss)

[praxis1966]

She's 19 & I'm 21. I know I'm still pretty young, but I feel ready to settle down now, I've had my fair share of relationships and I'm just looking for that one now.

Well, if this were 1953 I'd be going, "How the fuck are you not married yet?" Since it isn't, I still gotta stick to my original point. Most people these days aren't looking to seriously commit until their late 20s... Somewhere around 27 I'd say.


Of course it's not. It's comradely solidarity. ;)

(blows a kiss)

:lol: C'mon, homie, don't be so hard on the guy. He just had his heart broken, lol.

[Invader Zim]

The man that I am so head over heels for makes me angry enough to turn me on but on the other side of it is sweet enough to keep me in love.

If he didn't make me absolutely furious I don't think he'd turn me on.

I am a feisty submissive though.

I think I just vommed a little in my mouth.

[Leftsolidarity]

The only way to get over an ex is to have a lot of sex. It may be hard at first, and you might cry, but eventually things will get better.

And smoke a lot of weed.

That's what I'm doin :thumbup1:

[Leftsolidarity]

EDIT: And yeah, I know every person in their late teens is reading this going, "Fuck you, dude. I'm grown." And yeah, you may be more mature for your age than most people, but let's just say I didn't realize what a dipshit I was until I was about 25, lol.

Hahaha you're right man. A lot of the time I can take care of myself and act like a mature adult when I have too. I know though that I have a fuck ton of growing up to do.


Edit: I mean I even said "fuck ton".

[Queercommie Girl]

I think I just vommed a little in my mouth.

What's wrong with what she said?

[Queercommie Girl]

:lol: C'mon, homie, don't be so hard on the guy. He just had his heart broken, lol.


I'm really being honest though. I'm just a girl who is trying to cheer him up.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I think I just vommed a little in my mouth.
At least I didn't mention my being with someone who loves receiving roman baths.

[Dr Mindbender]

roman baths.

I had to look that up on urban dictionary.

[Stand Your Ground]

I had to look that up on urban dictionary.
I gotta say I'm afraid to...lol

[praxis1966]

Enough already, lol. Keep it classy, people.

[Dr Mindbender]

Enough already, lol. Keep it classy, people.
this is a revolutionary forum, class is not welcome.

[Leftsolidarity]

Well it seems as if I've gotten myself in a bit of a pickle. I'm going the whole "I'm gonna fuck 'til my dick falls off approach" and I'm going to be getting with this 15 year old (reminder I'm only 17 but yeah it feels a little creepy) at my show on Friday. She's just gonna spend the night there and it should be a fun time no problem just a meaningless fuck right? No, this chick (WHO I'VE NEVER MET BEFORE AND HAVE TALKED TO FOR A WEEK!!!) is going like crazy for me and wants to date and hang out everyday I'm in town and talk and ughhhhhhhh this is not how it's supposed to go. So now I come to seek the wisdom of Revleft because this chick is expecting me to ask her out and see her and be her bf after we have "fun" even though I've explained to her that's not what this is. I would feel like a real asshole if I just had sex with her and left (even though that's the route I will probably go) but I don't want to date and I have explained this to her numerous times.

[praxis1966]

this is a revolutionary forum, class is not welcome.

Then what's everybody on about?


I would feel like a real asshole if I just had sex with her and left (even though that's the route I will probably go) but I don't want to date and I have explained this to her numerous times.

Yeah, I'd is a pretty ass hole-ish thing to do if you do sleep with her. You know going in she's a lot more serious about you than you are her or anyone else, so basically you're saying you're aware that you're breaking her heart even before you do it. Not to put too fine a point on it, but you're using her for sex. It would be different if she were on your same wavelength about this, but she isn't. If you want to be a decent person, you'll tell her that you don't want to see her anymore if you have that much of a problem controlling your libido.

[Leftsolidarity]

Yeah, I'd is a pretty ass hole-ish thing to do if you do sleep with her. You know going in she's a lot more serious about you than you are her or anyone else, so basically you're saying you're aware that you're breaking her heart even before you do it. Not to put too fine a point on it, but you're using her for sex. It would be different if she were on your same wavelength about this, but she isn't. If you want to be a decent person, you'll tell her that you don't want to see her anymore if you have that much of a problem controlling your libido.

I guess that's one approach. I was hoping for a solution where I still got to have sex. hahaha

[bcbm]

I would feel like a real asshole if I just had sex with her and left (even though that's the route I will probably go) but I don't want to date and I have explained this to her numerous times.

and she's made it clear what she wants. don't be a dick, there will be plenty of other opportunities for meaningless sex in your future

[Leftsolidarity]

Hahahaha so I talked to that chick and told her flat out that I'm sorry if I led her on but there's no way we're going to be getting in a relationship and I'm just sleeping around for fun. She fuckin digs it and is ok with it. So I'm stoked on that while I was on the phone with my ex (she's my bands guitarist and we were working on stuff for our show friday) then my ex was like "oh the ladies will be all over you when you're playin acoustic upstairs huh?" just like joking around and shit. Then I said something stupid like "yeah but there's this one chick but it's complicated". She asked about it and we were just talking but she was getting like super jealous and is now like creeping on this chick on facebook and wants to beat her down at the show. This chick I'm getting with doesn't know my ex knows.

Seriously, this drama is so fuckin complicated to me. I'm not used to any drama bullshit ever. So now my ex has cheated on me, dumped me, continues to get with some guy, makes it clear she doesn't want to be with me, and now wants to kick the ass of a chick I'm gonna get with and stop me from having any fun on my own. Idk about anyone else but I'm thinking that's a dick move on her part. lol

[Stand Your Ground]

Hahahaha so I talked to that chick and told her flat out that I'm sorry if I led her on but there's no way we're going to be getting in a relationship and I'm just sleeping around for fun. She fuckin digs it and is ok with it. So I'm stoked on that while I was on the phone with my ex (she's my bands guitarist and we were working on stuff for our show friday) then my ex was like "oh the ladies will be all over you when you're playin acoustic upstairs huh?" just like joking around and shit. Then I said something stupid like "yeah but there's this one chick but it's complicated". She asked about it and we were just talking but she was getting like super jealous and is now like creeping on this chick on facebook and wants to beat her down at the show. This chick I'm getting with doesn't know my ex knows.

Seriously, this drama is so fuckin complicated to me. I'm not used to any drama bullshit ever. So now my ex has cheated on me, dumped me, continues to get with some guy, makes it clear she doesn't want to be with me, and now wants to kick the ass of a chick I'm gonna get with and stop me from having any fun on my own. Idk about anyone else but I'm thinking that's a dick move on her part. lol
IMO I think that's because she feels like a douche for what she's done, so she can't really be happy with what she's doing so she doesn't want you to be happy either.

[PhoenixAsh]

Hahahaha so I talked to that chick and told her flat out that I'm sorry if I led her on but there's no way we're going to be getting in a relationship and I'm just sleeping around for fun. She fuckin digs it and is ok with it. So I'm stoked on that while I was on the phone with my ex (she's my bands guitarist and we were working on stuff for our show friday) then my ex was like "oh the ladies will be all over you when you're playin acoustic upstairs huh?" just like joking around and shit. Then I said something stupid like "yeah but there's this one chick but it's complicated". She asked about it and we were just talking but she was getting like super jealous and is now like creeping on this chick on facebook and wants to beat her down at the show. This chick I'm getting with doesn't know my ex knows.

Seriously, this drama is so fuckin complicated to me. I'm not used to any drama bullshit ever. So now my ex has cheated on me, dumped me, continues to get with some guy, makes it clear she doesn't want to be with me, and now wants to kick the ass of a chick I'm gonna get with and stop me from having any fun on my own. Idk about anyone else but I'm thinking that's a dick move on her part. lol

And are you absolutely positively sure this girl or chicken....I am not sure from your story...might not just be saying she digs it because she hopes you will change your mind after? Because I think that is more than 99% likely.

[praxis1966]

And are you absolutely positively sure this girl or chicken....I am not sure from your story...might not just be saying she digs it because she hopes you will change your mind after? Because I think that is more than 99% likely.

This is what I'm going with. LS, I think you just got told what you wanna hear.

[Leftsolidarity]

This is what I'm going with. LS, I think you just got told what you wanna hear.

That is definitely a possibility but I think it is enough for me to do it without feeling like a COMPLETE asshole. I mean I told her I'm not going to date her and she said she's okay with that. What more could make it so that it wouldn't be wrong?

[Leftsolidarity]

I come seeking wisdom again but don't feel like starting a new thread.

So I got my ex-gf to go on a date with me. I know (cuz she told me) that she still digs me and blah blah blah emotional drama that I don't care to get into at the moment. Thing is though is that I'm completely broke. I have a few pennies in my wallet and that's it. When I visit her city I usually stay down there for a week and couch surf. My dad will usually give me like 50ish bucks so that I can eat. I really wanted to sort of take her out though and pay for it all because idk I want to treat her to a nice meal. Is it 'sexist' to insist that I pay for it all? She offered to pay some but I said I would cover it. I would feel really stupid if I spent all my food money for the week on this one meal with her if it's a thing I shouldn't do anyways.

Wow, I just rambled a lot. Long story short, is it bad to insist that the male pays for it all?

[Kamos]

I come seeking wisdom again but don't feel like starting a new thread.

So I got my ex-gf to go on a date with me. I know (cuz she told me) that she still digs me and blah blah blah emotional drama that I don't care to get into at the moment. Thing is though is that I'm completely broke. I have a few pennies in my wallet and that's it. When I visit her city I usually stay down there for a week and couch surf. My dad will usually give me like 50ish bucks so that I can eat. I really wanted to sort of take her out though and pay for it all because idk I want to treat her to a nice meal. Is it 'sexist' to insist that I pay for it all? She offered to pay some but I said I would cover it. I would feel really stupid if I spent all my food money for the week on this one meal with her if it's a thing I shouldn't do anyways.

Wow, I just rambled a lot. Long story short, is it bad to insist that the male pays for it all?

Long story short, yes. After all, the reason you're paying for it all is your sex. How could it not be a sexist thing? Split the bill.