Regret.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I've heard some people say that they have no regrets. I envy these people tremendously (assuming they're telling the truth). I for one have many moments when I look back at my life and see nothing but a litany of mistakes on my own part. I'm pretty sure that many people have these moments, when you think about your past and think of things you should've done, should've said, shouldn't have said, places you should've gone, people you lost contact with, people you wish you'd never met, opportunities you should've seized, etc. It could be a little thing, like maybe you regret not approaching some girl in your science class way back when or something. Or it could be a big thing...one of my acquaintences got black-out drunk, started to drive, and eventually hit and killed a young kid. I imagine that there will be few days in which he won't torture himself with the memory of what he did. I can't even imagine that.

People say that you should just not think about it, that the past is the past, and "move on", etc. but that's easier said than done. I find it hard not to dwell on things that might've been, like maybe I should've stayed in school, or maybe I should've treated my ex-girlfriend better than I did, or any number of other things.

So I guess the question posed in this thread is: how do you deal with this kind of thing (assuming that it's a problem for you)? I've found that a good exercise is to imagine how things could've turned out worse for you; we all have junctures in our lives where we look back and know that we made the right decision, so I think about those. And just generally think about all the good things that I should be thankful for, which are many.

[The Dark Side of the Moon]

I just ignore it and eventually it goes away

[JustMovement]

I guess it depends how old you are. I know I am a point in my life where I have been shaped to an incredibly large extent by the mistakes I have made. And regret is a terrible feeling, especially if it is in the form of "if I had done that everything would be different"

But at the end of the day I did do (or not do) it, and there was no other way it could have gone, because that is the way I am. So I cannot really hate my mistakes anymore than I can hate a part of myself, what you can do is learn from those mistakes and change yourself in the process.

[Leftsolidarity]

I feel you on that I dealing with some heavy shit at the moment.

[thesadmafioso]

I have no idea how people can say things like that about themselves. There is hardly a person on the face of this planet worthy of proclaiming themselves free of regret. Shame and its lesser variation of regret are two sentiments which humanity faces a disparity of, I believe. I truly hope that many of the people who say that of themselves are not being entirely honest.

But yeah, I don't really have any real sort of way to deal with these sorts of thoughts. I generally just try to reconcile them with myself to the best of my abilities.

[¿Que?]

That's tough. I regret a lot of decisions I've made. I think, though, that unless the consequences of your actions have made your life unbearable or unlivable, then dwelling too much on regret could be a sign of psychological problems, such as obsessive compulsive disorder or something like that.

[Reznov]

I think, comrade, that you are just being to critical and analytical of yourself. EVERYONE, let me repeat, EVERYONE has regrets, its just the people who say they don't are those that have learned to ignore it and move on.

That's really what it boils down to, just getting over it. I find the best way is to go for a jog, come back watch some T.V. or read a book, and then call/message meet and talk with someone.

[bcbm]

"i do not regret the things i've done but those i did not do"

[Euronymous]

Well, coming from manic depressive, the only way to deal with it is to TRY not to think about those negative thoughts. Find a hobby or hang out with friends with positive outlooks, and try and stay away from topics which are the triggers of those thoughts. It's hard as fuck but it's better than beating yourself up for what happened in the past.

[Blackscare]

JYGoougMHSQ


Pretty much my thoughts on the subject in the beginning. It's served me decently enough so far considering.

But yea I do regret the shit out of certain things. I don't know if I could say that I deal with it very well, at least I didn't at one point. I got myself so twisted up about a situation that I was depressed for 2-3 years. These days I'm happy as a clam, as much as I moan about it. That's because I have stability and a purpose, I'm making decent money and lots of hours so the things I want to do are within sight. Without some kind of purpose, I think about everything I could have done, should be doing but don't, etc.

[The Intransigent Faction]

I have a ton of regrets...fights with friends that got out of hand, things I should or should not have said, people I lost contact with...yeah, all that sort of stuff. OCD tends to magnify all of that, too.

You just have to remind yourself that you can't change what's already happened. You can only work towards the best possible future from now. This has been said over and over, but exercise helps. Even studying can, though. Whatever keeps you busy can let you teach yourself to focus on other things. That, and music can really help. I think I'd have lost my marbles years ago without music.

"Perfection is a goal rather than a state of being". To me, being completely without regret sounds...a tad overconfident (or maybe oblivious). We're all flawed, so we all make mistakes, so we all have some cause for regret at one point or another. Of course, we have to keep going in spite of that regret.

[nuisance]

destroy the logic of submission! but yeah, that text i think is actually sick. anyway yeah, i don't tend to dwell on shit, keep on moving!

[Tenka]

I regret having been born. Sadly, it is not something that can be undone; even suicide amounts to nothing more than running at the oncoming train that is your inevitable end, and the end is undesirable as the beginning.

[Die Rote Fahne]

I have regrets. Regarding my teen life and love life last year. Oh well.

[praxis1966]

There is hardly a person on the face of this planet worthy of proclaiming themselves free of regret.

This one is what I'm going with, only I'd have put it a little more strongly. To paraphrase Danny Devito's character in the film The Big Kahuna, everyone has done something they should regret... Some people just don't know what that thing is yet. And, until you figure out what thing is, you have zero character and cannot be considered honest.

To the OP: Incidentally, I think that's probably a film you should watch if you haven't already considering your circumstances... It's pretty fucking moving and insightful, not to mention it addresses a lot of the issues your dealing with currently (not necessarily DUI and running over kids, but the larger ethical issues you seem to be mulling over).

[Dogs On Acid]

I've heard some people say that they have no regrets. I envy these people tremendously (assuming they're telling the truth).

They aren't, it's called denial.

[Comrade Crow]

I have a lot of regrets but that is the past and the past is the past, it's a memory, I try to live in the now because really, that's all there is. Not doing something or doing something wrong or fucking up happens, that's life, c'est la vie.

[Niccolò Rossi]

So I guess the question posed in this thread is: how do you deal with this kind of thing (assuming that it's a problem for you)? I've found that a good exercise is to imagine how things could've turned out worse for you; we all have junctures in our lives where we look back and know that we made the right decision, so I think about those. And just generally think about all the good things that I should be thankful for, which are many.

I don't agree with the people who want to dismiss those junctures as in the past and therefore irrelevant. The decisions we make in our life, our actions, define who we are. You can't just dismiss those experiences, as shameful or painful as they might be. To know where we stand in the present and where we want to go in the future, we need to understand what has brought us this far. They also offer us lessons from which to learn so that we can better respond to challenges yet to come.

Saying that, this kind of re-evaluation of life junctures isn't an excercise we can just sit down with a pen and paper and work through. It's an ongoing process, both internal and collective. What I mean by this is that, on the one hand we reflect in our own minds on our life junctures and we also reflect collectively with the aid of friends/family/therapists. This collective self-relfection is very important I think. Lately I've had alot of it with my friends. I find it very theraputic.

Of course, you can become obsessed with the past. This is probablematic. Do you think you obsess about it? Does it bother you? Personally, I have a pretty poor memory of my childhood and teenage years and it's something I can't really explain why. I had a pretty time growing up though and I think alot of it is probably unconsciously supressed. I rarely find myself overwhelmed with regret, but the regrets I do have are deep and painful.

It's all part of being human I guess and it astounds me. I find looking at it this way much more fullfilling.

Nic.