My Immortal

[Diello]

Apologies if this doesn't belong in literature.

Does anyone else here love "My Immortal"? I'm referring to the fanfic rather than the Evanescence song, of course.

For those not in the know, "My Immortal" is a legendarily poorly-written goth-flavoured Harry Potter fanfic. The main character is a goth named Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way; Draco's there too, and also Harry, who's moved to Slytherin and changed his name to "Vampire Potter." Everyone is out-of-character; everything is bizarre and incoherent.

Here, I'll excerpt some of my favourite bits to illustrate what I'm talking about.


“DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ebony?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!


“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

[Landsharks eat metal]

I love that, at least the beginning of it. As it starts to get more and more convoluted, I begin to simply get confused (and get more and more of a headache), but the beginning is hilarious.

[Octavian]

Jesus fucking Christ on a stick, I only read the first quote box but it read like a harry potter version of the room.

[Aurorus Ruber]

Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!

Which leads me to imagine a werewolf gnawing on a videotape.

[Kamos]

What is this I don't even. Seriously, I have seen some low-quality vampire stories but this one takes the cake.

[scarletghoul]

one of my favourite novels

[praxis1966]

“DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ebony?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts)...

This was as far as I could get. If you're writing something "gothic" (which actually should be Gothic, btw) you shouldn't use the word "gothic" anywhere in the piece and you damned sure shouldn't make mention of color contacts when discussing a character's "gothic red eyes." :laugh:

[Diello]

This was as far as I could get. If you're writing something "gothic" (which actually should be Gothic, btw) you shouldn't use the word "gothic" anywhere in the piece and you damned sure shouldn't make mention of color contacts when discussing a character's "gothic red eyes." :laugh:

In that case, since "gothic" or some variant appears in every other sentence of "My Immortal," I'd say it may not be for you.

[CommieTroll]

I thought this was about the Evanescence song :L It's an amazing song

[Diello]

I thought this was about the Evanescence song :L It's an amazing song

Well, the main character does look a lot like Amy Lee. (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!)

[Susurrus]

An excellent way to drive spell chekists insane.

[Lunatic Concept]

Pfft this is childish rubbish. Its all about half life: full life consequences, possibly the greatest fanfiction commited to the art of literature.
"
Half-Life: Hero Beggining
In the future the world was dark and scarry. One day Combines came and noone knew why. Combines were robot things that werent robots with ugly faces and sometimes glowing eyes and slaved people in the city and made them angry and sad. Henry Freeman who was living in the city and with his mom said "mom why are Combines here" and she said "Henry Freeman Combines are from science and outter space and hate humens."
Henry Freeman realy hated Combines because they beat up every one and Henry Freeman hated it. "mom why are they beating up that girl!" Henry Freeman said to his mom. "Because she is humen Henry Freeman, and they are evil Combines" Henry Freemans mom said back.
"Hey you Combines stop beating her up you evil guys!" Henry Freeman yelled loud at them. "Shut up kid or you will pay!" the Combines said and aimed there lazer guns at Henry Freemans head. "Combines dont aim your lazers!" yelled mom then the Combines shot her and laughed "Ha ha stupid humen girl with no head" they said with smiles.
Henry Freeman grabed his moms hand and said "mom you were beautiful soul and Combines will pay." "Henry Freeman no get out of here fast as you can..." Henry Freemans mom said and died. Then Henry Freeman grabbed a wepon and shot the Combines in the heart and said "this is not over."
The people around Henry Freeman cheerd and smiled and said "good job Henry Freeman we hate those Combines!" Combines made people fraid and when Henry Freeman killed them it gave them hop.
"Combines we are not scarred no more!" said Henry Freeman and every one around Henry Freeman said "YEAH!" and grabbed lazer guns and rocks. Henry Freeman and the people walked fast like waves and went towards to the Combine tower that was big like the sky.
"Where do you humen think you are going?" a big Combine army with lots of striders said.
"To send you back to science and outter space!" Henry Freeman yelled with mad "ATTACK THE COMBINES!" Henry Freeman yelled again.
The war was going and blowing things up when Henry Freeman saw a gravity gun on the ground. "Combines it is time to do what has to be done and live up to my family name" Henry Freeman wispered with head down.
The Combines were shoting people and steping on them with stiders and people were shooting lazer guns back and killing them sometimes. Explosions like 10 times of the sun went around Henry Freeman but Henry Freeman didnt care.
"Humen kind is losing and I need to help" Henry Freeman said. Then a big rocket came down and blew a guys arm off and legs and head and killed other people too.
Henry Freeman saw the dead going on all around. The Combine were to strong and big but Henry Freeman didnt care neither. Henry Freeman put the gravity gun on and started to throw striders and at buildings. The bildings fell and made dust and smoke and blinded Combines so Henry Freeman culd use the gravity gun to throw them into the sky realy high and make them squish.
The people were wining but then glowing things went in the sky and Combines came out. "Henry Freeman we have to go out of here!" a guy said to Henry Freeman. "No they are all every where!" another guy said.
"You are surounded prepair to die" the dark man said.
Henry Freeman lookd around. Combines with lazer guns were there. Henry Freeman knew if humens lost now it would be sad for ever.
"FIGHT" Henry Freeman yelled.
People runned toward the Combines to kill them and the Combines were going to shoot all the people in a second when a brite light came in teh sky. A shiny thing like the Combines came from opend in the sky and a guy came out.
"Combines leave my son alone" John Freeman said.
to be continued...?"
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4869457/1/Halflife_Hero_Beggining

Here is an attempt at bringing this story to life through the magic of Garys Mod.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NiCYPrAoB8
True art

[Red Commissar]

I remember this. It's simultaneously creepy and funny when it gets into sexy time.

[praxis1966]

In that case, since "gothic" or some variant appears in every other sentence of "My Immortal," I'd say it may not be for you.

I think you may be onto something here...

[Who?]

For the all the left communists here.

This is a blog hipsterizing the fanfiction My Immortal. (http://hipstermyimmortal.tumblr.com/page/2)

Here's a gem:
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnsd441b4G1qmrxkko1_500.jpg