How Do I Get To Know This Person? [Archive]

¿Que?

2nd July 2011, 13:25

I'm generally not the type of guy to try and get personal with people in the service industry while they're working. What I mean is, for example, suppose I'm at a restaurant, and the waiter/waitress seems interesting, I will generally not try to spark a conversation unless they do first. Particularly when it comes to women, I think 99% of the time service industry workers will see you as another customer they need to keep happy in order to get paid. The last thing most of them want is someone trying to make some deep meaningful connection while they have 10 orders backed up and ice tea to refill. Another example, I worked in tech support for a while, and the last thing the person at that call center needs is someone getting all chatty with them. Call volumes are high, generally it's understaffed, and the tech needs to keep his/her call times low or they'll fire him/her.

However, this morning I went to get some donuts and the woman behind the counter I found so fascinatingly beautiful that I went back a second time, but she was in the back making donuts, and some old asian guy took my order. I've never seen this woman in my life, and I have no connections to her or her social circle that I know of. I have no idea who she is or anything. But I'm sitting here, chomping on an eclair thinking what could I have done differently. How could I get to know her, without imposing myself on her work situation.

I don't think there's anything I can do, honestly. I need to be sure that if I say anything other than my order, like if I try to start a conversation, it's all gotta be pure gold, or she's gonna get irritated. And I know I'm not that charming or good looking.

So this is where you guys come in. I need the best of the best, the really good stuff, a super-effective-get-anyone-on-your-side, tactful, respectful and supper suave strategy for getting to know her.

Seriously, I think she might be the one.

Manic Impressive

2nd July 2011, 13:39

When you go in and order make sure you smile, look her in the eye and just go small talk. Just flirt, friendly flirting is not intrusive unless you naturally come off as sleazy. Make jokes keep them short and sweet be polite and if she responds then see if there's any chemistry. If she doesn't respond don't give up straight away keep being friendly and she may warm to you. If none of that happens or she responds and there is no chemistry between you then it probably wasn't meant to be.
Just be nice, friendly and funny

praxis1966

2nd July 2011, 14:38

You know, I've never actually tried to ask out someone who works behind the counter of someplace before... However, it seems like this strategy might work (although it may sound a little stalkerish). There's this gas station near my house that I go to almost every day either to buy smokes or a soda or both and just about every clerk on every shift knows who I am. It's to the point where they tell me about their kids if they have any, one guy was all excited when he found out my partner was Latina because his partner is as well, there's one woman who's a huge Star Wars nerd and ever since she saw me in an X-Wing T-shirt we always talk about that (recently she went to Disneyland and rode this new Star Wars simulator they have and was super excited to tell me about it)... What I'm saying is, become a regular. Go in with fair regularity and the familiarity will breed amicability naturally... If she's interested, you'll know soon enough. If not, you'll get really fat and make a new friend in the process...:lol:

EDIT: Also, things are a bit different when it comes to waiters... I used to be one and trust me, we'll do just about anything within reason if we think there's a good tip in it.

thesadmafioso

2nd July 2011, 21:12

Well, that certainly sounds like it would be difficult. I always have the worst luck imaginable when trying to make small talk in those situations, I can't even imagine moving out of that sort of engagement. It always seems that whenever I try to strike up a quick conversation or make a joke that it falls flat, and I always feel rushed if there is anyone waiting behind me or what have you. If you can manage it, I would imagine that becoming a regular in that establishment would probably be your best bet though. Conversation generally flows easier when you actually know someone, so I can see how that would make things a great deal easier.

But yeah, best of luck with that.

2nd July 2011, 21:21

I think 99% of the time service industry workers will see you as another customer they need to keep happy in order to get paid.

This is true only if you act like "just another customer".

However, this morning I went to get some donuts and the woman behind the counter I found so fascinatingly beautiful that I went back a second time, but she was in the back making donuts, and some old asian guy took my order. I've never seen this woman in my life, and I have no connections to her or her social circle that I know of. I have no idea who she is or anything. But I'm sitting here, chomping on an eclair thinking what could I have done differently. How could I get to know her, without imposing myself on her work situation.

I don't think there's anything I can do, honestly. I need to be sure that if I say anything other than my order, like if I try to start a conversation, it's all gotta be pure gold, or she's gonna get irritated. And I know I'm not that charming or good looking.

Just spark up a conversation, tease her a bit and flirt a bit and ask for her number. It's a donut shop, she's not a fucking server.

So this is where you guys come in. I need the best of the best, the really good stuff, a super-effective-get-anyone-on-your-side, tactful, respectful and supper suave strategy for getting to know her.

Talk to her. If you're not good at talking to girls then go out today and approach 10 girls in an hour. Then you'll be golden. There is no "magic strategy".

Seriously, I think she might be the one.

LOL are you serious? You haven't even talked to her. How old are you?

¿Que?

2nd July 2011, 21:39

LOL are you serious? You haven't even talked to her. How old are you?
No, I'm not serious. It was a joke. Damn, if I'm falling this flat on the interwebs, my chances are nill in real life!:lol:

praxis1966

2nd July 2011, 22:00

No, I'm not serious. It was a joke. Damn, if I'm falling this flat on the interwebs, my chances are nill in real life!:lol:

Meh Don't beat yourself up, my son. We're here for you...

As an aside, I'm seriously considering changing my user ID to Ann Landers behind all this shit. :lol:

thesadmafioso

2nd July 2011, 22:04

No, I'm not serious. It was a joke. Damn, if I'm falling this flat on the interwebs, my chances are nill in real life!:lol:

Well, we don't exactly have the benefit of facial expression over the internet, so you may be jumping to conclusions. Though I did think it was a pretty overt joke regardless of such.

And you should definitely go ahead with that praxis, I don't think there could be a more fitting name for the mod of non-political.

Rafiq

2nd July 2011, 22:11

Where a shirt with Stalin on it, sit down and order a donut. When she walks buy, chomp on it viciously like a.gorilla while giving her a stone cold vicious stare, eyes wide open. When she asks what u want, cut her off and scream WHAT!!!!!

¿Que?

2nd July 2011, 22:33

My strategy thus far:

The shop opens at 7 on Sunday, I'll probably stay up all night, maybe take a power nap around midnight. But I want to get there early, to avoid any potential other customers. I'm thinking around 7:10 or 7:15.

Make eye contact and smile a lot as Mass Prole Tirade suggested.

Don't try to accomplish too much. I probably won't even ask her what her name is yet. I will need an icebreaker. She's going to sense whatever I say to be somewhat contrived, so the point is to come off as natural as possible. I'm considering inquiring about the newspaper, mostly because I saw her getting a newspaper this morning. Just ask her how much they are, and possibly inquire about a headline? I know politics can be iffy, but if I get any reactionary vibes, I'm bailing on the whole thing.

Become a regular customer - two to three times a week visit with a little small talk each time, and seeing where that takes me.

And that's basically it. That's the plan, thus far. I'll keep everyone posted.

Deep inside I'm thinking this:
f-3TZiyY9Sk

W1N5T0N

2nd July 2011, 22:52

Bro, the relationships between people are now based on the buying and consuming of donuts and coffee...
REVOLT! go in: Give her your MSN
Say: This time tonight

And walk out sayin': "Ain't gonna buy no donutes, cause you might just be the sweetest thing around...."

hope that doesn't overdo it.

Susurrus

3rd July 2011, 03:22

As the Revleft Guide to Dating and Relationships says:

Dare to struggle, dare to win.

Also, be sure to bring your little red book along and consult it throughout your conversations. :D

Leftsolidarity

3rd July 2011, 03:34

Well I didn't exactly date this guy since I'm straight and have a girlfriend but I became on a good basis with someone who works at a gas station down the street from my girlfriend's place. It was before my band went to play a show and I stopped in for a pack of smokes while I was dressed completely in drag. I had a bra, skirt, fishnets, lipstick, makeup, etc. All in the middle of the ghetto in the dead of winter.

So maybe go in drag or something. Or just stand out in some sort of way that will maybe get here interest.

¿Que?

4th July 2011, 13:45

Yeah, so I just got back from the donut shop, and my initial hunch to go early, shortly after they open was correct. I went a little later, and there were a bunch of customers, also it being July 4 probably aggravated the situation. Anywho, somebody else helped me and I did not get a chance to talk to her.

However,
she did sort of look at me and sort of smile, I guess you could say, and then I smiled back but she sort of gave me a cold stare afterwords. It could be her a signal indicating that she does not want to be fucked with, or she could just be putting on that facade for all the yuppie and redneck looking mofos in there.

What do you guys think if next time I buy a newspaper and after I order, sit at one of the tables and hang out for a while reading the paper?

BTW, I appreciate the responses, even the sarcastic ones.

Manic Impressive

4th July 2011, 14:07

I say don't make plans before you go in. I can just imagine a guy walking in with a paper buying a donut and pretending to read while peering over the top of the paper at the girl behind the counter. :tt1:
If she serves you then say something about the weather or something about where you are, kind of observational. Remember almost everyone hates their job and their boss, that can be a good thing to go with but it can't be too harsh and hopefully it's not a family business.
But don't over think it or plan it just be natural

BeerShaman

4th July 2011, 15:07

You must go and talk to her.
You 'll stand right in front of her and say while you watch your clock-watch ticking (or whatever it does), "this watch doesn't only give the time".
She 'll say "what else does it do?"
"It informs me when you don't wear underwear. For example, now you don't."
"But, but I do!"
"Ow sorry, it must be an hour forward!"

Leftsolidarity

4th July 2011, 15:24

praxis1966

4th July 2011, 15:37

Not cool, BeerShaman...:glare: If I said that to a woman I'd expect to get the taste slapped out of my mouth for being a sexist pig.

praxis1966

4th July 2011, 16:51

Shut up

Feel free to disagree with me anytime you like, but keep in mind this isn't Chit-Chat... This sort of post isn't acceptable here.

thesadmafioso

4th July 2011, 17:03

What sort of coffee shop is this? If it is something like a starbucks or a locally owned shop, it would be perfectly normal to hang around for a bit after ordering. Bring a book or just pick up a paper and read for a while, with a bit of luck and some down time she may just spark up a conversation herself. You can always choose to buy a refill or another coffee when you notice a lull in customers as well, giving you an easier opportunity to actually talk to her.

4th July 2011, 17:06

Feel free to disagree with me anytime you like, but keep in mind this isn't Chit-Chat... This sort of post isn't acceptable here.

Ah, but your sexist comment is allowed, I understand. Women are all cute pure cherubs that shouldn't be contaminated with being sexual. That is automatically coveting them and treating them like meat.

Kuppo Shakur

5th July 2011, 22:51

Kuppo wrote a haiku about a similar situation he is in:

Walk in, plan in head.
Oh my god, so beautiful.
Buy lunch and then leave.

Solidarity with my crush-stuck comrades.

Principia Ethica

5th July 2011, 23:10

If you want a serious reply. . .here are a couple. . .

1) Ask her advice on what drink/pastry to get. You can prolong the contact time, throw in a few jokes, and not seem so creepy-ish.

2) If you are a "reg" there. . .tell her something like "today is my lucky day! I didn't get that dude over there this time!" Make it an inside joke between you. . .so on a day you don't get her, you can tell her the next time you see her that the last time was your unlucky day because you got the old asian dude. . .

3) If there is a bakery attached to the coffee shop, ask her advice on a "project". . .and make the project some humanitarian stuff (and be a good guy and follow through) like say "There is this guy who looks down and out on his luck and I wanted to buy something yummy maybe to make his day a little brighter". . .or "I'm going to visit the old folks home and want to get them something really good. . .what do you suggest?" Something along those lines. . .

4) If you ask her for a suggestion and she tells you what she likes, buy 2 and tell her that the other one is for her when she gets time for a breather.

Bottom line, make her remember you. . .and not just as some customer dude that comes in 3 times a week.

Hope this helps!

caramelpence

6th July 2011, 01:02

This probably depends on what kind of guy you are (what you look like, whether you have a creepy voice, etc. etc.) but to be perfectly honest I don't think it would be creepy or inappropriate to just ask her, next time you go on, something like "hey, I know this is pretty out there, but would you be interested in getting coffee some time?". Straight out, casual. If she's cool, she'll be flattered, think you're cute, and say yes, if she's not cool, she'll turn you down, and you'll know it was never meant to be.

Or, as I said in another thread,

DARE TO STRUGGLE, DARE TO WIN

Don't, don't, try to flirt by asking her what she recommends...why would someone at a fast food place give a shit about what they sell? Definitely don't make up a crappy story either, that's just sad and disrespectful.

Nothing Human Is Alien

6th July 2011, 01:06

Leftsolidarity

6th July 2011, 01:16

Since I have a girlfriend that I've been dating for 2 years and don't plan on leaving anytime soon I might not ever been able to try this out. I've always want to do this though. Next time you pay for something and you give her the money have a magnum condom in between the bills and just give her a good ol' wink. I don't know how it will work out but it would be a great story to tell the grandchildren if it does. hahaha

praxis1966

6th July 2011, 18:40

Ah, but your sexist comment is allowed, I understand. Women are all cute pure cherubs that shouldn't be contaminated with being sexual. That is automatically coveting them and treating them like meat.

Yeah, I don't know what I said that would give you the idea that's what I was thinking, but it's good to know you have a vivid imagination. Anyway, let's keep it on topic from here on in, eh?

praxis1966

6th July 2011, 18:42

Last warning to all the people whose spam posts I've deleted from this thread: Keep it on topic and constructive or administrative action will follow.

Leftsolidarity

6th July 2011, 19:26

Last warning to all the people whose spam posts I've deleted from this thread: Keep it on topic and constructive or administrative action will follow.

How has this thread gotten off topic?? :confused:

Le Libérer

6th July 2011, 20:06

If you two are near the same age, then break the ice with something like this: " Hi, I have been in this shop a few times and havent said anything yet because I am trying to put my finger on where we know each other from.

Never ask yes or no questions, but questions she will have to give an answer to. These kinds of questions are called "open ended questions".
Do not do: " Did you go to ____ High School?"

Always do: "What high school did you go to?"
That way she answers the question and you get the opportunity to figure out if theres someone at that school you know. Even if you didnt know anyone, make up a name and ask her if she knows them, only

Never ask: "Do you know so and so?"
Always ask: " I once knew a guy or girl __first name (only) ____ graduated in __year___. Had dark hair.... his first name was..( Joe or Jennifer, something common) ....something (searching for a last name) .... cant remember... what was his last name (as if speaking to yourself?)" she may fill in a last name of someone she knows. If she does fill in a last name say "Yes, I think that is it!" I just cant remember. He or she was my best friends cousin.

Lead her to talk about them to find out if she likes him or not, and agree. What ever opinion she has of this person, agree with it.

Summary: Do not ask her out on the first time speaking to her. Wait until the next time.

Now go do it, come back, and tell me what happened. I will fuel the second conversation for you.

Le Libérer

6th July 2011, 20:19

Forget pick up lines and premeditated plans. It's not a video game or a battle. You don't need a strategy.

The best thing to do is just talk to her like a regular human being. Say what's on your mind and be yourself.

Why not just say something like, "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but I find you incredibly beautiful and I was wondering if I could get to know you"?

If she rejects you, there really isn't much you can do but move on.

This plan only works if you are extremely good looking like NHIA ;)

Le Libérer

6th July 2011, 20:22

How has this thread gotten off topic?? :confused:

Check the trash can.

¿Que?

6th July 2011, 20:27

Now go do it, come back, and tell me what happened. I will fuel the second conversation for you.
Thanks, and will do. Unfortunately, I need a different kind of opener for a couple of reasons. First, we're both a little too old to be talking about high school, I think. But second, and more importantly, it is very unlikely we went to the same high school, since I currently live in a different city than the one I went to high school in.

I think that's the main hurdle I'm facing right now is what to talk to her about...

apawllo

6th July 2011, 20:38

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnp68z9Spj1qa31jy.png
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnp6afbn0X1qa31jy.png
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnp6bt0QRW1qa31jy.png
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnp6ccwit11qa31jy.png
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnp6cwRrKH1qa31jy.png
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnp6daElxO1qa31jy.png

Leftsolidarity

6th July 2011, 21:08

Check the trash can.

I did. I liked those posts :(

praxis1966

6th July 2011, 21:20

I did. I liked those posts :(

Unfortunately, they were all in violation of this subforum's guidelines... I'd encourage you (or anyone else who may still have questions) to PM me for further clarification if need be since such questions don't have much to do with the OP or his problem/question.

Le Libérer

6th July 2011, 22:19

Thanks, and will do. Unfortunately, I need a different kind of opener for a couple of reasons. First, we're both a little too old to be talking about high school, I think. But second, and more importantly, it is very unlikely we went to the same high school, since I currently live in a different city than the one I went to high school in.

I think that's the main hurdle I'm facing right now is what to talk to her about...

How old are you?

¿Que?

6th July 2011, 22:31

How old are you?
Ah, ok, so I act a little childish and it doesn't help that I look young, you may say I'm immature, I don't really care, but I'm not going to tell you how old I am because I hear it all the time.

Let's just say that if this woman is in fact single, she's probably divorced or separated, and may have children. :/ I'm old.

Le Libérer

6th July 2011, 22:35

¿Que?

6th July 2011, 22:40

Early 20s early 30s late 20s? I doubt you are too old. Too old is a mind set. ;) Trust me I am too old to be dating like I do, But I date men 15 plus years younger than me. So its okay, older women like younger men these days.
Yeah, and I tend to gravitate towards younger women. I really don't want to say how old I am. In my thirties, but I look late twenties, I am frequently told.

Le Libérer

6th July 2011, 22:45

Yeah, and I tend to gravitate towards younger women. I really don't want to say how old I am. In my thirties, but I look late twenties, I am frequently told.

Yeah I see your point. Talking about high school really wouldnt do. :)
I need to think about it.

Decolonize The Left

6th July 2011, 23:32

Forget pick up lines and premeditated plans. It's not a video game or a battle. You don't need a strategy.

The best thing to do is just talk to her like a regular human being. Say what's on your mind and be yourself.

Why not just say something like, "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but I find you incredibly beautiful and I was wondering if I could get to know you"?

If she rejects you, there really isn't much you can do but move on.

This.

Everything is simple - nothing is complicated. We only think relationships are complicated because we complicate them by doing so. Everything can be solved by good communication and honesty.

Really.

That and a good sense of humor. Never hurts.

- August

nuisance

6th July 2011, 23:47

can't be arsed to read all thread, so sorry if you've done this or been given this advice.

walk in to the donut shop, say you've seen her there before and that she struck you. say that you wonder if you could get to know her, i.e. speak out side of work, ask for her number.

i mean, what else is there possibly to do?

oh yeah, tip don't going in with a list of pre-concieved conversations, you'll probably look like a twat when you realise that decent conversation doesn't flow in a linear fashion.

Good luck!

Le Libérer

7th July 2011, 00:21

This.

Everything is simple - nothing is complicated. We only think relationships are complicated because we complicate them by doing so. Everything can be solved by good communication and honesty.

Really.

That and a good sense of humor. Never hurts.

- August

Once again, from another extremely good looking guy. ;)

Decolonize The Left

7th July 2011, 00:34

Once again, from another extremely good looking guy. ;)

:wub: NHIA is quite handsome...

- August

Kuppo Shakur

7th July 2011, 00:42

Impulse97

7th July 2011, 00:55

Decolonize The Left

7th July 2011, 03:47

We should turn this into a general dating advice thread, since there have been a lot of those since non-political's creation.

That said: What's the best(least creepy) way to figure out the age/availability of a person, pre-asking her out? As I said in another thread, I've had problems with those two aspects.

If you've seen them before then ask if you can buy them a drink or some coffee or something and after you chat for a while ask if they're single. If they appear to be your age then it shouldn't be a problem should it?
If you're really concerned then while you're having a discussion just say "out of curiosity, how old are you?"
No reason beating around the bush if it matters that much to you is there?

- August

ellipsis

7th July 2011, 05:37

OP- Check out the Tao of Steve and you'll see why you are/were planning to fail. You are/were building it up too much in your mind.

TBH, it sounds like you could brush up on social skills in general, more specifically dealing with the opposite sex in any situation. I am not saying this in a mean way, rather that I can tell that your problems talking to this barista are symptomatic of larger issues, so dealing with the other issues will help a lot in this situation and many others.

We should turn this into a general dating advice thread, since there have been a lot of those since non-political's creation.

That said: What's the best(least creepy) way to figure out the age/availability of a person, pre-asking her out? As I said in another thread, I've had problems with those two aspects.

I usually meet, or did meet women in social situations, i.e. just hanging out. It is pretty easy in these situations to figure their age/availability/interest, over many different hang out sessions. I have been in a relationship for a while, but i still meet women who are "DTF" at food not bombs, etc. I just don't engage with them in that way anymore.

¿Que?

7th July 2011, 06:14

OP- Check out the Tao of Steve and you'll see why you are/were planning to fail. You are/were building it up too much in your mind.

TBH, it sounds like you could brush up on social skills in general, more specifically dealing with the opposite sex in any situation. I am not saying this in a mean way, rather that I can tell that your problems talking to this barista are symptomatic of larger issues, so dealing with the other issues will help a lot in this situation and many others.

Actually the problem is a little deeper than that. I don't have any trouble making female friends (anymore). I'm pleasant and nice enough to have women want to talk and hang out with me on occasion. And it's even gotten to the point where I'd rather hang out with women than men, mostly because with guys there's always some sort of posturing or dick waving, and it gets annoying. The issue is that all my female friends just sort of happened naturally, like you said, from hanging out and social situations.

What I'm saying is,"How do I get to know this one specific person?" not necessarily "How do I meet women" which, although I am no Don Juan or anything, I think I'm getting along fine and learning too.

Rafiq

12th July 2011, 16:39

We should turn this into a general dating advice thread, since there have been a lot of those since non-political's creation.

That said: What's the best(least creepy) way to figure out the age/availability of a person, pre-asking her out? As I said in another thread, I've had problems with those two aspects.

Make a conversation. Girls have done it to me all the time, but usually if it's at like some teen gathering place and not some school....

If you feel uncomfortable about that, talk abotu school and find out the grade she's in.

black magick hustla

12th July 2011, 19:51

Forget pick up lines and premeditated plans. It's not a video game or a battle. You don't need a strategy.

The best thing to do is just talk to her like a regular human being. Say what's on your mind and be yourself.

Why not just say something like, "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but I find you incredibly beautiful and I was wondering if I could get to know you"?

If she rejects you, there really isn't much you can do but move on.

that line doesnt work unless you are fairly good looking. do you know how many creepy dudes hit on service workers with similar lines lol

manic expression

12th July 2011, 20:30

Why not just say something like, "Excuse me, I don't mean to bother you, but I find you incredibly beautiful and I was wondering if I could get to know you"?Just a few things to add IMO...verbalizing attraction (saying "I find you incredibly beautiful") is usually a bad idea. Say it without saying it...say it with body language, etc and save the verbal compliments for much later. Also, don't ask permission for anything: you should get right into the conversation, stuff like "I don't mean to bother you, but..." just gives her an extra opportunity to cut you short.

Kuppo Shakur

12th July 2011, 23:48

Make a conversation. Girls have done it to me all the time, but usually if it's at like some teen gathering place and not some school....

If you feel uncomfortable about that, talk abotu school and find out the grade she's in.
Ha, that's kind of the issue, I hope she isn't in school:http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRFE2yOZ399iJOIDS8iTNXxLi8LXHEIn wGWIvRlHw2DvtYMjouEJ7pvfFY

Rafiq

13th July 2011, 05:10

Ooohh... What about college?

Hiero

13th July 2011, 05:52

Become a regular customer - two to three times a week visit with a little small talk each time, and seeing where that takes me.

...and then find out she has a boyfriend:laugh:

In all honesty, that could probably happen.

From my experience with coffee shop girls, I had a crush on one girl at my local. Not as bad as you, but I thought she was cute or whatever. I didn't really talk to her and finally got over her. Now I am more likely to talk and say nice things, she changes her hair alot so I often comment on that and say it looks good or something. My advice would be, leave your coffee shop girl (there are thousands of them) as your coffee shop girl, it is to hard to ask someone out in that situation and if you make a fool yourself you will have to find another coffee shop.

¿Que?

13th July 2011, 05:58

...and then find out she has a boyfriend:laugh:
Boyfriends ain't nuthin' to sweat tho. A lot of times, people get into these not-so-serious relationships, and will get out of them if they like you enough. Sometimes it's worth knowing someone in a relationship, because a lot relationships are unstable and you may get lucky and catch a rebound, but even then, sometimes it's worth getting to know people, even if there's no chance of anything romantic ever developing, amiwrong?

Hiero

13th July 2011, 12:28

Boyfriends ain't nuthin' to sweat tho. A lot of times, people get into these not-so-serious relationships, and will get out of them if they like you enough. Sometimes it's worth knowing someone in a relationship, because a lot relationships are unstable and you may get lucky and catch a rebound, but even then, sometimes it's worth getting to know people, even if there's no chance of anything romantic ever developing, amiwrong?

....Yeah, but is just usually hurts.

Hit The North

13th July 2011, 13:18

...and then find out she has a boyfriend:laugh:

In all honesty, that could probably happen.

From my experience with coffee shop girls, I had a crush on one girl at my local. Not as bad as you, but I thought she was cute or whatever. I didn't really talk to her and finally got over her. Now I am more likely to talk and say nice things, she changes her hair alot so I often comment on that and say it looks good or something. My advice would be, leave your coffee shop girl (there are thousands of them) as your coffee shop girl, it is to hard to ask someone out in that situation and if you make a fool yourself you will have to find another coffee shop.

"Coffee shop girls"! And your "experience with them"? Because I guess they're all the same? I mean, there "are thousands of them" aren't there!

FFS :rolleyes:

Are there any other sectors of the working class that you want to stereotype?

Hiero

13th July 2011, 14:34

"Coffee shop girls"! And your "experience with them"? Because I guess they're all the same? I mean, there "are thousands of them" aren't there!

FFS :rolleyes:

Are there any other sectors of the working class that you want to stereotype?

Ha, don't be so dull.

I should have usedquotation marks.

I mean, this women to him is an 'object of desire'. It is the same as 'the girl next door', 'that guy at the gym' and 'that coffee shop girl' etc. People we interact with on the most basic level we often turn them into objects of deisre. People do this all the time, saying so and so is amazing, yet they know nothing about them. I am not saying they are the same. I pass many females who work as barristas, yet I don't take a fancy to them all. My point was, once you get over the fantasy you realise they are individual person, someone you may not want to date.

So yeah, get out of your own ass.

Edit: And that is such a insidious attack, did you wait around for my 3881st post to slip up so you can make the claim that I sterotype working class people? You don't have any common courtesy to actually ask what I meant?

Hit The North

13th July 2011, 16:50

Ha, don't be so dull.

I should have usedquotation marks.

You are the dull one if you think quotation marks would make it better.

I mean, this women to him is an 'object of desire'. It is the same as 'the girl next door', 'that guy at the gym' and 'that coffee shop girl' etc. People we interact with on the most basic level we often turn them into objects of deisre.You mean, "next door girls" and "gym Guys"? That would be equivilant to "coffee shop girls", as it implies not a specific girl next door or specific guy down the gym, but some group who share particular characteristics.

I pass many females who work as barristas, yet I don't take a fancy to them all. You "pass" them? What are you, come kind of kerb-crawling, stalker weirdo?

My point was, once you get over the fantasy you realise they are individual person, someone you may not want to date.If that was your point, you should have assembled a group of words in a sequence that approximated that meaning. Pro tip for next time.

Edit: And that is such a insidious attack, did you wait around for my 3881st post to slip up so you can make the claim that I sterotype working class people? You don't have any common courtesy to actually ask what I meant?Year, guy, all I've been doing is waiting in the wings, biding my time for your 3881st post so I can ambush you with an "insidious" attack.

If you didn't write like an asshole, I wouldn't have to attack you.

Sorry, should have put "asshole" in quotation marks :rolleyes:.

praxis1966

13th July 2011, 17:19

Enough, you two. If you can't disagree without flaming I'm gonna start trashing posts because it makes me look like an "asshole."

manic expression

13th July 2011, 17:32

"Coffee shop girls"! And your "experience with them"? Because I guess they're all the same? I mean, there "are thousands of them" aren't there!
Calm down. You don't need to freak out every single time someone refers to a group of people with a common activity or interest or experience.

Hiero

14th July 2011, 04:23

You are the dull one if you think quotation marks would make it better.

You mean, "next door girls" and "gym Guys"? That would be equivilant to "coffee shop girls", as it implies not a specific girl next door or specific guy down the gym, but some group who share particular characteristics.

You "pass" them? What are you, come kind of kerb-crawling, stalker weirdo?

If that was your point, you should have assembled a group of words in a sequence that approximated that meaning. Pro tip for next time.

Year, guy, all I've been doing is waiting in the wings, biding my time for your 3881st post so I can ambush you with an "insidious" attack.

If you didn't write like an asshole, I wouldn't have to attack you.

Sorry, should have put "asshole" in quotation marks :rolleyes:.

You're a fuckwit, not even worth explaining myself to you.

Calm down. You don't need to freak out every single time someone refers to a group of people with a common activity or interest or experience.

He doesn't understand that people have subjective positions through which they interact in the world, which involves lumping people int groups. It is because he is a bland outdated Marxist. In fact it it is exactly what outdated Marxists do, they lump people in groups under titles and tell them how they should act, denying them any subjectivity under the guise of "false consciousness".

Enough, you two. If you can't disagree without flaming I'm gonna start trashing posts because it makes me look like an "asshole."

Pfft, He just started to attack me, rather then just politely ask me what I meant.

Hit The North

14th July 2011, 14:04

Enough, you two. If you can't disagree without flaming I'm gonna start trashing posts because it makes me look like an "asshole."

Pfft, He just started to attack me, rather then just politely ask me what I meant.

This is true. Hiero innocently made a post about "coffee shop girls" with a tone more appropriate to a 19th century bourgeois surveying his maid-servants, or a shepherd herding his sheep, and I just started attacking him.

You should probably give me a verbal or something.

praxis1966

14th July 2011, 16:24

To be fair, Hiero, the way you worded your post did come off as latent sexism so I think he was fully justified in questioning you. Nobody here is above criticism, myself included. That being said, I asked both of you nicely not to engage in senseless flaming and he obliged whilst you responded to the request with this:

You're a fuckwit, not even worth explaining myself to you.

Therefore, verbal warning for flaming.

Also, in the interest of fairness since this was from the beginning a two way street, verbal warning to Prole Art Threat for flaming as well for this:

You are the dull one if you think quotation marks would make it better.

If you didn't write like an asshole, I wouldn't have to attack you.

Sorry, should have put "asshole" in quotation marks :rolleyes:.

¿Que?

15th July 2011, 17:50

Nice (mini) shitstorm guys. Thought I'd pop in for a quick update on my dilemma. Thing is, I've been to that store a couple of times since I made this thread, and I always seem to be helped by somebody else. I did notice, however, that she is usually working the drive through and that the one time she did help me was very early in the morning when the shop just opened. So, I think I'm going to have to go early in the morning, cuz charm and drive throughs don't exactly go together very well (at least for me).

Welcoming suggestions, but not absolutely necessary...

praxis1966

15th July 2011, 18:01

I think you might be screwed, man. I've worked a drive through before (I worked in a combo liquor store and lounge that had a drive through window if you can believe that shit) and the last thing you want is somebody sitting there being chatty. Of course, it's a bit different if there's only one car, but if there's any more than that both the worker and the guy behind you are going to get irritable in a real big hurry... After all, that's why drive through windows were invented: a combination of people's laziness and being in a rush.

Ocean Seal

15th July 2011, 18:22

No, I'm not serious. It was a joke. Damn, if I'm falling this flat on the interwebs, my chances are nill in real life!:lol:
Dude, its hard to tell jokes over the interwebs. We can't see your facial expression over your connection.

black magick hustla

16th July 2011, 01:05

dawgggg, i just invited out the girl that works in the cornerstore lol

you have two choices i think. ifyou can chat with her chat up her and gauge her interest level and see if there is some positive rapport (i.e. talks back, laughs at your shitty jokes) then just ask to hangout. i am chickenshit so i never use the word date because then i have an exit strategy and say "wat i didndt think of u that way....." if i get rejected so i don't feel as awful. if not you can do it in the movies and leave a note and your phone number. i imagine the latter method is worse and makes you look like a chickenshit but better have tried than never

Hiero

16th July 2011, 02:21

Susurrus

16th July 2011, 02:32

To the flamers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dISKvZetkQI&feature=related

Tim Finnegan

16th July 2011, 02:58

This is true. Hiero innocently made a post about "coffee shop girls" with a tone more appropriate to a 19th century bourgeois surveying his maid-servants, or a shepherd herding his sheep...
I'll be honest, I didn't get that; it seemed like a way of describing a common experience through the point of interaction that the crusher has with the crushee, "coffee shop" simply being a typical version of this experience, rather than an attempt to absolutely pigeon-hole the crushee. You could quite likely discuss "coffee shop boys" in the same manner without raising an eyebrow, and it's certainly true that the sort of experienced being discussed is not limited by gender or sexuality. It can perhaps be argued that Hiero's original phrasing was too ambiguous, or insufficiently sensitive to certain issues of gender, but I think that leaping down his throat based on what was basically an assumed meaning was rather unfair.

/2 cents

thesadmafioso

16th July 2011, 03:31

So far as I read, the offending post didn't really try to draw any specific conclusions towards individuals who could rightfully be associated with that term by the basic criteria of their employment. He seemed more to be describing a particular social situation more than anything else.

Anyway, good luck with the precarious roulette of cashier selection. I think I suggested this earlier too, but if the coffee shop has an atmosphere open to spending some time in it you could always stay for a bit and order a refill later. In theory, it doubles your chances of actually getting her for your cashier.

16th July 2011, 15:20

Nice (mini) shitstorm guys. Thought I'd pop in for a quick update on my dilemma. Thing is, I've been to that store a couple of times since I made this thread, and I always seem to be helped by somebody else. I did notice, however, that she is usually working the drive through and that the one time she did help me was very early in the morning when the shop just opened. So, I think I'm going to have to go early in the morning, cuz charm and drive throughs don't exactly go together very well (at least for me).

You're probably going to fail simply because of how much thought you're putting into this. And I wouldn't listen to any of the advice given in this thread because going up to a girl and being like "I think ur cute wanna hang out" doesn't work it just makes you look like an idiot.

praxis1966

16th July 2011, 15:30

Anyway, good luck with the precarious roulette of cashier selection. I think I suggested this earlier too, but if the coffee shop has an atmosphere open to spending some time in it you could always stay for a bit and order a refill later. In theory, it doubles your chances of actually getting her for your cashier.

I dunno, the more I learn about the situation the less hopeful I am... Given the fact that it has a drive through window it sounds like a frickin' Krispee Kreme. Now I dunno about you, but I've never scene one of those with anything remotely approaching "atmosphere."

thesadmafioso

16th July 2011, 18:30

I dunno, the more I learn about the situation the less hopeful I am... Given the fact that it has a drive through window it sounds like a frickin' Krispee Kreme. Now I dunno about you, but I've never scene one of those with anything remotely approaching "atmosphere."

Yeah, that's a pretty valid point. I can't exactly imagine spending much time in a coffee shop with a drive through in it.

Susurrus

16th July 2011, 18:34

You can still get to know staff at chain places. The corporates haven't started brainwashing...yet.

Sun at Eight

16th July 2011, 18:52

There's a wonderfully depressing Eisner-nominated short comic (http://frankstocktonart.blogspot.com/2011/04/eisner-nomination.html?zx=d3dbbb011547d700) about this very topic (you can read it at the link).

Hiero

17th July 2011, 14:43

I'll be honest, I didn't get that; it seemed like a way of describing a common experience through the point of interaction that the crusher has with the crushee, "coffee shop" simply being a typical version of this experience, rather than an attempt to absolutely pigeon-hole the crushee. You could quite likely discuss "coffee shop boys" in the same manner without raising an eyebrow, and it's certainly true that the sort of experienced being discussed is not limited by gender or sexuality. It can perhaps be argued that Hiero's original phrasing was too ambiguous, or insufficiently sensitive to certain issues of gender, but I think that leaping down his throat based on what was basically an assumed meaning was rather unfair.

/2 cents

Ahh, thank you!

¿Que?

20th July 2011, 19:11

So, um, I want to make sure I don't make this out to be more than it is or anything, but finally, after so many donuts, I finally got a chance to talk to the person of interest for a little bit.

It was, and I can't stress this enough, a very very brief exchange of words that sort of skirted the boundary between personal and business.

However, the thing that has me all hopeful and shit is how she was smiling the whole time. I was smiling too, as per advice on this thread, but the fact that she was smiling and amiable has me a little bit on the giddy side.

Still, like I said, it was very very brief talk we had. But I feel something was accomplished. I did put myself out there so to speak. I didn't just get my donuts and go, you know? Whatever comes out of this, (likely not much) it was a good exercise in sociability.

Thank you for the support my beautiful revleft peeps :thumbup1:

L.A.P.

21st July 2011, 01:38

I dunno, the more I learn about the situation the less hopeful I am... Given the fact that it has a drive through window it sounds like a frickin' Krispee Kreme. Now I dunno about you, but I've never scene one of those with anything remotely approaching "atmosphere."

I've seen a pretty nice Starbucks with a drive-thru.

22nd July 2011, 00:01

Still, like I said, it was very very brief talk we had. But I feel something was accomplished. I did put myself out there so to speak. I didn't just get my donuts and go, you know? Whatever comes out of this, (likely not much) it was a good exercise in sociability.

Now flirt with her. Then do it with 20 different women that you don't know and report the results back to us.

¿Que?

22nd July 2011, 00:14

Now flirt with her. Then do it with 20 different women that you don't know and report the results back to us.
Haha, actually, I was thinking I was going to stop reporting on this. I think I get it though. Your being sarcastic, no?

22nd July 2011, 00:19

If you really wanted to get over your social anxiety and fears you'd go try approaching every girl you find attractive. But I don't have hope that you'll do that

praxis1966

22nd July 2011, 01:05

Haha, actually, I was thinking I was going to stop reporting on this. I think I get it though. Your being sarcastic, no?

If you really wanted to get over your social anxiety and fears you'd go try approaching every girl you find attractive. But I don't have hope that you'll do that

Well, he worded it sarcastically, but exposure therapy is a pretty valid form of getting over things like OCD, for example. I'm not sure social anxiety works the same way, but I think it'd be worth a shot... If for no other reason than scientific curiosity. hehehe

Bad Grrrl Agro

22nd July 2011, 05:20

Just tell her how you feel. Be honest and all but don't exagerate.

thesadmafioso

22nd July 2011, 06:03

If you really wanted to get over your social anxiety and fears you'd go try approaching every girl you find attractive. But I don't have hope that you'll do that

You don't view that concept to be just a bit rude? I mean, you are basically saying that it is acceptable for males whom are less inclined to the process of courtship in certain public situations to go about and aimlessly flirt with women so as to overcome any difficulties they might have with the process. I can't help but shake the impression that such an act is just a bit exploitative and senseless, as you are more or less crudely using members of the opposite sex en masse for your own personal gains.

I can't really speak to the effectiveness of this as I'm sure it varies on an individual basis, but regardless of such factors it still strikes me as inconsiderate to the women who would necessarily have to be involved either way.

manic expression

22nd July 2011, 08:31

You don't view that concept to be just a bit rude? I mean, you are basically saying that it is acceptable for males whom are less inclined to the process of courtship in certain public situations to go about and aimlessly flirt with women so as to overcome any difficulties they might have with the process. I can't help but shake the impression that such an act is just a bit exploitative and senseless, as you are more or less crudely using members of the opposite sex en masse for your own personal gains.

I can't really speak to the effectiveness of this as I'm sure it varies on an individual basis, but regardless of such factors it still strikes me as inconsiderate to the women who would necessarily have to be involved either way.
It's just talking to people you don't previously know. You're not stealing their money or tricking them into anything.