Pour Your Heart Out VI

[praxis1966]

Have at it, folks. As always, be respectful. :)

[¿Que?]

So I've been getting little sleep. Working the graveyard tech support shift. Things are calm and surreal. I broke a girl's heart, and while I feel bad, my ego doesn't. Wondering if I will pass my employee reviews in a month. Free time is so fleeting...

[Salyut]

Week after next I find out if my guns are gonna be seized or not. All depends on what my doctor says. She tried to get my drivers licence seized, so I dunno how this is gonna go. Its fucking terrifying having the state basically tap you on the shoulder out of the blue and casually threaten to take away your licence and shit. Apparently some RCMP task force investigated me - all over mental health stuff. Jesus christ. :crying:

Her view was that I should be in a group home...which basically would have stuck me in the system - in this case working in some government run recycling facility or lawn work for below minimum wage and no union representation - for the foreseeable future. Its partially why I got the fuck out of my home province - not to mention the envirnoment was poisonous as fuck. Like I'd run into people who'd hurt me and basically roll over on my back - otherwise I'd make a 'scene' and it'd be unacceptable. Fuck. That.

[Dumb]

After putting some thought into it, I've realized that I'm just a burden and a bother to everyone around me.

[Salyut]

1) Suggest Pink Pistols to someone on FB (it ran to his interests).
2) Get called a victim blamer by some liberal hipster.

wat

reactionary achievement of the day :cool:

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I'm in love with my best friend.

[Quail]

Week after next I find out if my guns are gonna be seized or not. All depends on what my doctor says. She tried to get my drivers licence seized, so I dunno how this is gonna go. Its fucking terrifying having the state basically tap you on the shoulder out of the blue and casually threaten to take away your licence and shit. Apparently some RCMP task force investigated me - all over mental health stuff. Jesus christ.
Some doctors can be really stupid about mental health stuff. Last year my psychiatrist reported me to social services because of intrusive thoughts.


After putting some thought into it, I've realized that I'm just a burden and a bother to everyone around me.
What makes you say that? I feel like that sometimes, especially if I'm not doing so well and being really demanding to my friends. However, when the people I care about need me, I don't see them as a burden and a bother. I want to help and support them in any way that I can, which is probably how the people close to you feel about you.

[TheGodlessUtopian]

A great online friend of mine from a queer teen forum recently was killed when a motor vehicle hit him.I suppose it is a minor comfort that he died instantly and didn't suffer. :(

[Impulse97]

I've been lonely as hell these past few months and too damn shy to do anything about it. I don't really have any good nerdy friends that I can talk history and politics with. All the ones I do have are, well, normal. idfk. I guess I just gotta think more.

[Broletariat]

I've been lonely as hell these past few months and too damn shy to do anything about it. I don't really have any good nerdy friends that I can talk history and politics with. All the ones I do have are, well, normal. idfk. I guess I just gotta think more.

I may be ignorant about history, but we talk politics right? I'm your friend :3

[Die Rote Fahne]

I've been lonely as hell these past few months and too damn shy to do anything about it. I don't really have any good nerdy friends that I can talk history and politics with. All the ones I do have are, well, normal. idfk. I guess I just gotta think more.

Join a group/organization?

[Impulse97]

Join a group/organization?

That's what I plan to do. Not much to do during the summer, but school in the fall should have lots of stuff like that.

[thesadmafioso]

I have not left my house in over a week. A combination of malaise and a deficit of motivation have more or less turned me into an immobile husk which aimlessly roams the internet and consumes a combination of literature and film. I literally have no friends in the area that I am in regular contact with and I more or less have nothing to do beyond the realm of my house until I go back to college later this year.

I was recently fired from what was suppose to be a summer long internship thanks to the conniving of a fellow intern who didn't much care for me, and I don't much feel like trying to find another comparable position to fill out the remainder of the summer. Oh, and said intern also happened to be a girl that I had feelings for who rejected me.

I sort of want to engage in some sort of social activity or what have you, but most every time I try to fabricate such a plan I arrive at no definitive decision.

And that is the end of the draining of my hearts contents, I suppose.

[Welshy]

Alright to give a brief back ground, I am a park maintenance worker and today I had to fill in a bunch of washed out spots on the sides of our bike/jogging path. This required me to shovel a bunch of dirt and put grass seed down. In order to protect the grass seed I have to put straw, which I'm allergic to, over it. This is when the shit happened.

The place with the straw is in a different area of the park just off the main park road. So I get into my Toro cart and drive down there. As I get close to the place, I notice that there is an SUV driving slowly behind me. Normally vehicles pass us when we are driving in the Toro, but every once in a while you get someone who will drive slowly behind you for a while until you make a turn or something. I thought that is what the SUV was doing. I get ready to make my turn and move towards the middle of the road and then I put on my flashers. A regular human being should be able to tell that I am going to be making a turn, but not this one. Right as I begin to turn, the SUV decides to pass me and just missed hitting him me by less than a foot! I mean seriously! They went all that time with out passing, they could have waited 2 seconds for me to turn. But noooooooooooooooo, they had to risk my life just so they could get out of the park that I keep all nice for them a bit quicker. But I guess one lowly prole's life doesn't mean anything :crying:

[Ele'ill]

It looks as if I may have quit smoking too late.

[¿Que?]

It looks as if I may have quit smoking too late.
Oh geez, what's up? Cancer?

[praxis1966]

Oh geez, what's up? Cancer?

Yeah, Mari3l, out with it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed your conspicuous absence lately. What's going on?

[Impulse97]

Yeah, Mari3l, out with it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed your conspicuous absence lately. What's going on?

Yea, I noticed this too. Are you doing okay?

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I'm in love with my best friend.
I'm now dating her and couldn't be happier. I'm just really happy with my life for the first time... ever? A fantastic girl/friend by my side, a lot of hanging out with good friends, have my own place, being active (IWW), etc. Just feels great.

[SHORAS]

I'm now dating her and couldn't be happier. I'm just really happy with my life for the first time... ever? A fantastic girl/friend by my side, a lot of hanging out with good friends, have my own place, being active (IWW), etc. Just feels great.

I expected this thread to be full of despair and self pity. Keep your happiness to yourself. (p.s good for you!)

[SHORAS]

It looks as if I may have quit smoking too late.

Hope you're ok, in solidarity.

[Ele'ill]

The good news is that I get to put the dental clinic work on hold while I get blood-work done. I don't actually have to put the dental work on hold but it's one of the perks of this whole situation.

[Quail]

I might be starting to get "bulimia teeth" and I'm terrified. I guess years of purging can't come for free.

[Salyut]

Its pretty hard to register for classes with the universities overly complex registration system...while drunk. Now I remember why I quit drinking.

Granted I'm now registered in military history for the majority of my classes...and womens studies. Really good with the military history, and while I find the latter fascinating - it has the potential to turn me into a nervous wreck. I'm tempted to try to see if I can't double my Lyrica dosage in that event - or just ask for a couple short acting benzos I can pop in-class if it gets overwhelming.

[Leftsolidarity]

My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up with me and told me that she had been cheating on me with a mutual friend. I feel like a tool because even though she hurt me I still love her just as much and hope to be with her again once she is ready to start dating again.

[Ele'ill]

I want to go back to school for writing.

[Salyut]

I think I might have body image problems or something. :unsure:

[Luisrah]

My girlfriend of 2 and a half years just broke up with me and told me that she had been cheating on me with a mutual friend. I feel like a tool because even though she hurt me I still love her just as much and hope to be with her again once she is ready to start dating again.

That's horrible and I know it.
I've been trying to date this girl for half a year, and for 3 months she was dating another guy. She continually gives me proof that she doesn't REALLY like me, but I still love her.
Fucked up shit man

Some people are like that. You show them and show them you love them. You do things you didn't even think you would do for them, and in the end they don't fucking care. One day they say they love you, the other they won't even talk to you. :(

[Anarchrusty]

Was bullied in school, but even now I find that people think I'm an easy target, almost everywhere I go.
They make fun of my ideas, my opinions, ridicule my jokes or out and out ignore me.

[Leftsolidarity]

That's horrible and I know it.
I've been trying to date this girl for half a year, and for 3 months she was dating another guy. She continually gives me proof that she doesn't REALLY like me, but I still love her.
Fucked up shit man

Some people are like that. You show them and show them you love them. You do things you didn't even think you would do for them, and in the end they don't fucking care. One day they say they love you, the other they won't even talk to you. :(

Yeah man, worst feeling in the world for the person you love and put everything into cheats on you and says she doesn't want to be with you anymore.

[Quail]

I think I might have body image problems or something. :unsure:
Have you mentioned this to a doctor or anyone? Body image problems can really be hell but CBT can be quite useful for learning to challenge unhelpful thoughts.

[Salyut]

Have you mentioned this to a doctor or anyone? Body image problems can really be hell but CBT can be quite useful for learning to challenge unhelpful thoughts.

Talked to therapist about it. Addressing it hasn't been a priority, but I should be able to focus on it before too long.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

So after finally meeting the man I am in love with, my dad decided he hates him and is trying to intimidate him out of my life. I am finding myself torn between family and the man that I am head over heals for. I don't know what to do.

[Principia Ethica]

I found this lump on my dog's side by her ribs. I'm going to make an appointment with the vet tomorrow. I hope it is just a huge spider bite or something :(

[bietan jarrai]

I just realised that my summer is going to be boring as hell...

[Leftsolidarity]

So after finally meeting the man I am in love with, my dad decided he hates him and is trying to intimidate him out of my life. I am finding myself torn between family and the man that I am head over heals for. I don't know what to do.

How long have you known this man?

[Leftsolidarity]

I just realised that my summer is going to be boring as hell...

In the same situation since my girlfriend left me. I live in a different state than my friends and have no life here and now can't even go visit my girlfriend. I've spent the last 2 days literally staring at a wall. I gave up huffing a few months back but ya know what there's a time and a place to re-start things and now is as perfect a time as ever.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

How long have you known this man?
a while but I kinda figured that there was something when I felt internally compelled to walk accross the street to him when I first met him. It was like magnetwas in my heart pulling me to him. He had come to Wisconsin to protest Gov. Scott Walker an he met me when he arrived in Milwaukee.

[Leftsolidarity]

a while but I kinda figured that there was something when I felt internally compelled to walk accross the street to him when I first met him. It was like magnetwas in my heart pulling me to him. He had come to Wisconsin to protest Gov. Scott Walker an he met me when he arrived in Milwaukee.

Yeah I know what you mean. Not to be a creeper but that's so weird, I live in Milwaukee and I was at the protests in Madison numerous times. It's funny how some people online are so close to home.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Yeah I know what you mean. Not to be a creeper but that's so weird, I live in Milwaukee and I was at the protests in Madison numerous times. It's funny how some people online are so close to home.
Yeah well Brady Street will never be the same for me.

[nuisance]

So after finally meeting the man I am in love with, my dad decided he hates him and is trying to intimidate him out of my life. I am finding myself torn between family and the man that I am head over heals for. I don't know what to do.
you can't let them dictate who you see, whether you feel as passionately as you say you do or not. afterall you are not the one who is drawing the line in the sand.

[Salyut]

I just realized I could probably write a decent essay on the conflict over the role of women in the 1960's IRA for that women's studies class.* I love how these seemingly random interests of mine suddenly become relevant when I'm given a bit of freedom to write a paper. http://i.imgur.com/bay6j.gif

Granted I have no idea if I *could* select such a topic but still... I'm willing to bet it'd be nothing like the prof has ever gotten before.

Cumann na mBan (historic republican womens organization) was upset due to the IRA opening recruitment to women. The Lost Revolution has this photo of three armed female OIRA members in the Bogside sometime in the 70's (http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmtm8zs1uH1qcdumxo1_400.jpg)...could totally work that in.

[praxis1966]

If you do write that, you better e-mail the shit out of me with it. I wanna read it.

[bietan jarrai]

If you do write that, you better e-mail the shit out of me with it. I wanna read it.
I second that

[I.O.T.M]

I can't say I've been happy for the last three years. Having my heart broken, being unemployed and getting patronised by the Job Centre isn't helping. I'm thinking of going to the doctors about it, but I'm not sure.

[bietan jarrai]

I can't say I've been happy for the last three years. Having my heart broken, being unemployed and getting patronised by the Job Centre isn't helping. I'm thinking of going to the doctors about it, but I'm not sure.
Wish you the best of luck mate!

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

you can't let them dictate who you see, whether you feel as passionately as you say you do or not. afterall you are not the one who is drawing the line in the sand.
Well I can't stand being with out him.

[Salyut]

If you do write that, you better e-mail the shit out of me with it. I wanna read it.

Well I could do something with Franz Fanon; counter-violence and smashing patriarchy.

That'd go over well. :laugh:

[nuisance]

Well I can't stand being with out him.
then you know what to do.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

then you know what to do.
Romeo and Juliet (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romeo_and_Juliet)
Popocatepetl y Iztaccihuatl (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Popocat%C3%A9petl_and_Iztacc%C3%ADhuatl)

Be with him or fall into a really deep depression that will make my life miserable and not worth living. The myths, folklore and tragedies feel very real to me and my life.

[Leftsolidarity]

Yeah well Brady Street will never be the same for me.

Speaking of Brady Street I was there all day today handing out fliers and newspapers. Check some of the poles with fliers and shop windows you'll see the flier I was putting out "Bail out People Not the Banks!". That was the first time I was ever on Brady Street and I gotta say I'm in love with that street.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Speaking of Brady Street I was there all day today handing out fliers and newspapers. Check some of the poles with fliers and shop windows you'll see the flier I was putting out "Bail out People Not the Banks!". That was the first time I was ever on Brady Street and I gotta say I'm in love with that street.
I was downtown most of the day today on Wisconsin ave, Although I did stop by Pizza Shuttle with my lovely "pet husband" as I call him. We met up secretly. So we had pizza and enjoyed our time. We are still working on our plans to elope to NYC to get married.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I have come to the conclusion that I can't go on living because my life is going down the drain. I've been kicked out of my apartment by my landlord. My family will never accept me for who I am or who I want to spend my life with and I'd rather die than have to pick between my family or the man I love and respect. So I am giving myself about 72 hours to say my goodbyes.

[Aurora]

1-800-SUICIDE, 1-800-273-TALK
1-800-784-2433, 1-800-273-8255

Call one of these numbers, head to the ER or call an ambulance to pick you up, please, it'll be a load off your mind to talk to someone and they can help.

[Sasha]

please dont, please call someone.

for an trans positive help:
1-866-4-U-TREVOR
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

[Le Libérer]

please dont, please call someone.

for an trans positive help:
1-866-4-U-TREVOR
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Agreed. Please call this number.

[Le Libérer]

I have come to the conclusion that I can't go on living because my life is going down the drain. I've been kicked out of my apartment by my landlord. My family will never accept me for who I am or who I want to spend my life with and I'd rather die than have to pick between my family or the man I love and respect. So I am giving myself about 72 hours to say my goodbyes.

Check your facebook email. I have outlined some very clear suggestions and solutions. You dont deserve to feel the way you do. Its a big world out there, and maybe leaving where you are is the best solution.

[Black Sheep]

@ EX
Ey, snap out of it! How will giving up help anyone? How will your 'pet husband' take this?

Move out, maybe you can crash at fellow revlefter's couch, or with a local/non-local squat until you figure out what to do.

[Luisrah]

Don't do this, you only get one chance at life, and you can't regret after you do it.

Almost everyone that fails a suicide attempt is happy that they didn't do it so don't even try.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

48 hours or so...

[Game Girl]

I have come to the conclusion that I can't go on living because my life is going down the drain. I've been kicked out of my apartment by my landlord. My family will never accept me for who I am or who I want to spend my life with and I'd rather die than have to pick between my family or the man I love and respect. So I am giving myself about 72 hours to say my goodbyes.

Don't you dare! Don't you even THINK about doing something so stupid!

You need to sit your family down and talk to them. Let them know what they are doing to you and how it's making you feel. If you kill yourself, then they'll NEVER get that chance to apologise. They'll live with the guilt for the rest of their lives.

I had thoughts of suicide once. My family and my friends saved me from myself. I'll never forget what my mother told me.

"Never let life beat you down. You die; you lose!"

[thesadmafioso]

I don't mean to be insensitive or anything along those lines, but do you honestly want to make a decision which will span for all eternity based upon the circumstances of one moment of your life? These sorts of problems pass in time, whereas death is permanent. I'm sure there are a multitude of people beyond the confines of revleft who will tell you much the same thing.

One of my best friends from high school recently committed suicide, and I can personally speak of the guilt which it left on me for not having done anything to of prevented it. Had he put forth some effort to talk to someone about the ills plaguing his mind, perhaps things would of turned out differently.

[Summerspeaker]

Yikes. We'll miss you if you go, Esperanza. I can relate. It's mainly an aversion to guns and purchasing things that has prevented me from checking out. I don't find the permanent-solution-to-temporary-problem argument remotely convincing. Unless you believe in some sort of afterlife, nobody regrets suicide. It's an impossibility. Nor should concerns about how folks would react carry too much weight. Who wants to suffer for others? That's an oppressive notion. What I find problematic about suicide is the effort and uncertainty involved. I don't want accidentally maim myself. I don't want to spend hours - as I often do - contemplating methods and logistics. I could be struggling against state, capital, and patriarchy instead. I'd love to go to sleep and never wake up again, but no available substance offers that option with much certainty.

[Metacomet]

Things will get better, you have your pet husband to live for :)


I'm feeling down as well. Just missed out on another job interview I ccouldn't get too. This lead to another fight with...........the people's whose house I live in (my parents) and more and more I realize how much I need to get out. But being in the sticks with no transportation and no money to get transportation doesn't help.

This sucks. I feel trapped like I'm in prison. Nowhere to go. No end in sight.

[¿Que?]

I don't mean to be a party pooper, but don't tell anyone at your job about suicide, thinking or even about calling the hotlines. Shit almost got me fired, cuz bosses were scared I was gonna go postal or something. Yeah, keep that shit under wraps is all I'm saying.

[Salyut]

I have come to the conclusion that I can't go on living because my life is going down the drain. I've been kicked out of my apartment by my landlord. My family will never accept me for who I am or who I want to spend my life with and I'd rather die than have to pick between my family or the man I love and respect. So I am giving myself about 72 hours to say my goodbyes.

Please don't. :(

[Aloysius]

Esperanza, pleasepleaseplease don't do this...If you do carry out this terrible plan, you will be sorely missed.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I feel a little better today, first time since my family started trying to tear me away from my man, he and I finally got some intimate time last night.

Also he knows what to say to cheer me up.

[Summerspeaker]

I'm feeling down as well. Just missed out on another job interview I ccouldn't get too. This lead to another fight with...........the people's whose house I live in (my parents) and more and more I realize how much I need to get out. But being in the sticks with no transportation and no money to get transportation doesn't help.

This sucks. I feel trapped like I'm in prison. Nowhere to go. No end in sight.

That's an unpleasant situation. :( I spent too long living with parents. As terrible as my life now often feels now, I wouldn't go back for anything. Good luck finding a way to escape. I just got the "omgwtf are you queer?" letter from my folks today and don't know how to deal with it, but being hundreds of miles distant certainly helps.

[Salyut]

I really, really, really need to avoid shit that makes me hardcore depressed within minutes of reading it...then I get drawn into reading more about it.

Thank gawd I have Lyrica this time around. :tt1:

[Aloysius]

I'm miserable, and I don't know why.

[Ingraham Effingham]

I'm normally a very laid-back person, but lately, my general distaste for the world is at a peak.

I'm hating my job and the idiots i work with.
I hate random fools on the street.

I was at the supermarket the other day, and the line was moving kinda slow, (not that slow, maybe a 5 minute delay) and the fat, mustachioed waste of flesh behind me was in an outrage, attributing the slow line to the "moral decay of america." Started grumbling about "illegals" and "work ethic" to his pasty, empty-headed wife

Moral Decay? Is five minutes of YOUR time really worth that much? you can't get your high fructose corn syrup and beer fast enough to sit your dumbass down in front of glenn beck or the baseball game?

I wanted to swat the prick in the face, more than i have ever wanted to hit someone before.

Maybe its just the hot weather, maybe im just getting old and crazy, maybe the world IS ending.

I'm still pissed tho

[Impulse97]

Anybody, have any news on Esperenza? I haven't seen her post.......:crying:

[praxis1966]

Anybody, have any news on Esperenza? I haven't seen her post.......:crying:

Just looked at her profile and it said her last activity was at 10 this morning. Maybe she didn't post, but she defo logged in.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Man, you got to be smart to move on in Capitalistic consumerism society. Things are getting better for me but I still wish on having 20k dollars so everything will be good for me.

I just don't want to give a fuck about you people, revleft. It is not my fault that you are in this position, but you need to try to do better and see mistakes/failures as part of success. Not saying this is yall's fault, but just to let it out of me.

[Pretty Flaco]

People say that you need "cushion for your pushin", but to me that feels like BS. Me and a friend of mine with... cushion hooked up and I felt like we were restricted in what positions were possible.

That's just me though. I'm not a big fan of missionary. :rolleyes:

[Quail]

I'm a fucking idiot.

[Impulse97]

I'm a fucking idiot.

Congratulations?

Seriously, what happened? :confused:

[Quail]

I just fail at dealing with things. I'm tempted and I have the means to do myself a lot of damage.

[Impulse97]

I just fail at dealing with things. I'm tempted and I have the means to do myself a lot of damage.


Well, instead of unleashing your fury on yourself, find the nearest Fascist and unleash it on them. :thumbup1:

[Summerspeaker]

Well, instead of unleashing your fury on yourself, find the nearest Fascist and unleash it on them.

I'm not much for violent resistance personally, but this approximates my logic for avoiding self-harm and suicide plans. I'd rather be spending my time and energy on something positive. As awesome as the state nonexistence must be, it's a long and nasty road between here and there.

[Salyut]

>get invited to book launch
>awkward topic
>"oh hey total exposure therapy oppertunity"
>OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING'
>flee area

I feel like total shit right now. Why the fuck did I think that was a good idea?

[Aurora]

I am god! and i love it! SO FUCKED lulz

[Aurora]

I'm a fucking idiot.

Your really not, honest to god like, i mean i know i don't know you personally but you've always seemed like someone who wants to help others and are generally a great person i really appreciate you posting here you make the board a better place.

Please don't hurt yourself you deserve better, we all get in moods like that sometimes and their pretty horrible but your so much of a better person than i am and you deserve someone to care for you, someone to care for and most importantly to care for yourself.

[Salyut]

At the moment I'm real tempted to just curl into a ball and dissociate. :crying:

[praxis1966]

Your really not, honest to god like, i mean i know i don't know you personally but you've always seemed like someone who wants to help others and are generally a great person i really appreciate you posting here you make the board a better place.

Exactly this. Quail, you are definitely a well respected and highly valued member of this community... A community, incidentally, which would certainly suffer from your lack of contributions. We all act like doofuses in our personal lives. You don't expect perfection out of your friends, family and loved ones do you? Yeah, didn't think so... So stop holding yourself to a different standard because you're human too.


At the moment I'm real tempted to just curl into a ball and dissociate. :crying:

Bruv, you know where my PM box is if there's anything you wanna discuss.

[Impulse97]

Turtles.

[Manic Impressive]

I don't mean to be a party pooper, but don't tell anyone at your job about suicide, thinking or even about calling the hotlines. Shit almost got me fired, cuz bosses were scared I was gonna go postal or something. Yeah, keep that shit under wraps is all I'm saying.
I don't necessarily agree with this. When I had my mental break down I wish I had told my work about it as they may have given me some time off to get my shit straight. Four people had committed suicide there in the last 2 years so the took that shit quite seriously. I was full of pride though and couldn't allow anyone to see any weakness even though I was struggling to fight back tears all the time, so I just quit. I regret that now.

[Pretty Flaco]

Sums up my mood: :unsure:

[I.O.T.M]

I went to the doctors about my depression and I've been referred to the AMHS (I think that's what it's called). I told my parents about it and they're being completely supportive, which I'm grateful for, as I know a few of my friend's parents would've just told them to 'man up'.

I'd also encourage anyone else feeling depressed to get help and to talk about it, it makes you feel better.

[Obs]

Can't sleep. Can't stop thinking about her.

[¿Que?]

Can't sleep. Can't stop thinking about her.
TVjmtyE-aP0

[Metacomet]

I just spent an hour trying to convince my parents that the USSR wasn't constantly on the verge of marching the Red Guard down the streets of their towns when they were growing up.

I got the usual "Well you weren't around then you don't know" and "they were threatening us all the time!"

I tried to be logical. Ask them what aggresive wars they were in. When that didn't work I tried another route that didn't work. Asking them why they thought the way they did.

Of course I can't argue with years of media propaganda.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Can't sleep. Can't stop thinking about her.
Interesting... I cry myself to sleep when I'm not with the man I love.

[Luisrah]

Interesting... I cry myself to sleep when I'm not with the man I love.

If I am having love problems, I actually like to sleep. It seems to sweep away problems while you are doing it.

[Ingraham Effingham]

I never sleep because sleep is the cousin of death.

[Obs]

I never sleep because sleep is the cousin of death.
I, too, liked Saints Row 2.

[Impulse97]

[Post Deleted]

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I was told something I really wanted to hear today. CH'YA!
This is the part where you give me a high-five.

[Ingraham Effingham]

I, too, liked Saints Row 2.

Never played it. I bit it from Nas's "NY state of mind." And he got it from the Talmud, i think ;)

EDIT: actually i see its from an african proverb, interesting

[praxis1966]

Ingraham, Impulse, & Obs: Stay on topic, kay guys? This kind of chatter can go in Say What You Want over in Chit-Chat.

[Impulse97]

Ingraham, Impulse, & Obs: Stay on topic, kay guys? This kind of chatter can go in Say What You Want over in Chit-Chat.


I didn't even know that thread existed, but I'll try to OTP more often. :)

[Niccolò Rossi]

I feel like a regular fucking Hannibal Lecter

Nic.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

I've been single for a while now, with really casual sexual relationships with women I didn't even like, whilst drunk. I met a girl I did like though, and we spent some time together and it looked like it was gonna go somewhere. She doesn't want to continue with it though and I feel like an idiot. I wish there weren't such illusions in romance and I wish I could rise above human emotions. Its a lonely place, I miss having a woman I could lie down next to and forget about the world. It was the best time of my life and it doesn't feel like I'll ever have that again.

Pathetic problems anyway, and I don't expect sympathy for being lonely and wanting a women - there are far bigger problems out there. I just wanted to 'say it', and here felt like a good place as its anonymous.

[Salyut]

praxis did my PM get through?

[Lobotomy]

I don't really like my friends. :/

[Impulse97]

I don't really like my friends. :/


Why not?
:confused:

[Le Socialiste]

I've been single for a while now, with really casual sexual relationships with women I didn't even like, whilst drunk. I met a girl I did like though, and we spent some time together and it looked like it was gonna go somewhere. She doesn't want to continue with it though and I feel like an idiot. I wish there weren't such illusions in romance and I wish I could rise above human emotions. Its a lonely place, I miss having a woman I could lie down next to and forget about the world. It was the best time of my life and it doesn't feel like I'll ever have that again.

I'm a bit in the same boat myself. My last relationship was, for all its issues, one of the best I've had. To lose that and the feelings that come with it has been one of the hardest things to deal with. It's mostly the loneliness/lack of an actual connection.

...

I've started to drink alone again. I acknowledge that there are far worse things out there, and I should probably be thankful that it's the worst of my problems - but the last time I did this it ended badly. Really badly. I'm making a serious effort to stop, but nothing seems to be working...

[praxis1966]

Uggh Time for your friendly local mod to quite literally pour his heart out. Just had my fifth tachycardia episode (the most frequent series of episodes I've had ever btw) in about eight days' time. WPW's such a pain in the ass... At some point I suppose I'm gonna have to have open heart I think, but that just doesn't seem like nearly as much fun as it sounds.

[Lobotomy]

Why not?
:confused:

Idk, everyone makes it sound like college is such a great time and you meet so many amazing people but so far that just hasn't been my experience. A few of my friends there are pretty cool but I just can't relate to them to the point where I feel like they're people I would have in my life for a long time. We have this weird culture in our little group and there's all this drama and I'm just sick of it. I always feel out of place.

[Decolonize The Left]

Idk, everyone makes it sound like college is such a great time and you meet so many amazing people but so far that just hasn't been my experience. A few of my friends there are pretty cool but I just can't relate to them to the point where I feel like they're people I would have in my life for a long time. We have this weird culture in our little group and there's all this drama and I'm just sick of it. I always feel out of place.

I don't know how big your college is, but even on the smallest college campuses there are quite a few different groups of people. When you're reading the school paper, or in class listening to some other kids discuss something, make a note when you hear something you like coming from another student. Then after class/later in the day go tell them that you appreciated their comment and you'd like to kick it some time.

Furthermore, you don't have to keep all your friends in your life for a long time. It's perfectly acceptable to be friends with a group of people while you're in a specific situation and when you leave that situation you don't really talk to them - it's what people do.

- August

[Decolonize The Left]

I'm a bit in the same boat myself. My last relationship was, for all its issues, one of the best I've had. To lose that and the feelings that come with it has been one of the hardest things to deal with. It's mostly the loneliness/lack of an actual connection.

You need to get out and make more actual connections. I know it's probably the hardest thing to do at the moment in your situation, but it's absolutely vital that you do not dwell on these feelings.

If, like you've said, this person is gone, then they're gone. Do not dwell on the fact that they weren't at some point in the past, that point is over. It brings you nothing but sadness to stay there.


I've started to drink alone again. I acknowledge that there are far worse things out there, and I should probably be thankful that it's the worst of my problems - but the last time I did this it ended badly. Really badly. I'm making a serious effort to stop, but nothing seems to be working...

Drinking alone isn't necessarily problematic as long as you're not drinking alone for the sake of drinking. I like drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey as much as they next person, but it's very dangerous.

I suggest you remove all alcohol from your place of residence as a positive step towards avoiding this activity. If you want to drink, force yourself to go out and do it among others. Dive bars are full of people who want to drink alone but drink alone with others instead. And many of them have far worse problems than you, so that may help your spirits?

- August

[Decolonize The Left]

Uggh Time for your friendly local mod to quite literally pour his heart out. Just had my fifth tachycardia episode (the most frequent series of episodes I've had ever btw) in about eight days' time. WPW's such a pain in the ass... At some point I suppose I'm gonna have to have open heart I think, but that just doesn't seem like nearly as much fun as it sounds.

Surgery is never fun, ever. But sometimes it's necessary. I hope it's not in your case, but if it is don't hesitate. Your well-being is what's important and at stake here.

- August

[Salyut]

Uggh Time for your friendly local mod to quite literally pour his heart out. Just had my fifth tachycardia episode (the most frequent series of episodes I've had ever btw) in about eight days' time. WPW's such a pain in the ass... At some point I suppose I'm gonna have to have open heart I think, but that just doesn't seem like nearly as much fun as it sounds.

Oh dear. :(

[Ingraham Effingham]

Uggh Time for your friendly local mod to quite literally pour his heart out. Just had my fifth tachycardia episode (the most frequent series of episodes I've had ever btw) in about eight days' time. WPW's such a pain in the ass... At some point I suppose I'm gonna have to have open heart I think, but that just doesn't seem like nearly as much fun as it sounds.

I hear that, i have my own health issues (type 1 diabetic my whole life)

but don't forget: stress kills! when everything is a big deal, life is no fun. Body and soul deteriorates

[Quail]

Breaking up with people and feelings of loneliness can really get you down. Nothing wrong with posting it in this thread.

Idk, everyone makes it sound like college is such a great time and you meet so many amazing people but so far that just hasn't been my experience. A few of my friends there are pretty cool but I just can't relate to them to the point where I feel like they're people I would have in my life for a long time. We have this weird culture in our little group and there's all this drama and I'm just sick of it. I always feel out of place.
This has happened a lot to me in the past. You'll find people you connect with properly in the end though. Maybe you're just not hanging out in the right places/with the right people to meet the right people.

I don't know if anything I just wrote makes sense. My brain is failing at the moment.

[praxis1966]

Surgery is never fun, ever. But sometimes it's necessary. I hope it's not in your case, but if it is don't hesitate. Your well-being is what's important and at stake here.

- August

You don't have to tell me about surgery, lol... I had surgery (this procedure (http://www.uptodate.com/contents/patient-information-radiofrequency-catheter-ablation-for-the-heart)) on it twice in my teens and it failed both times. After the second time my pediatric cardio-surgeon told me that basically the only option left for me was open heart... But the whole idea of somebody taking a circular saw to my sternum, a rib spreader, and the doctor literally grabbing hold of my heart in order to lift it up and slice open my pericardium isn't an entirely thrilling prospect. That's why I've taken to hiking as a way to get in shape lately, hopefully to improve my cardiovascular health as a way to decrease the frequency and intensity of the episodes...


Oh dear. :(

Thanks for the vote of sympathy, mate. I'm actually quite embarrassed I haven't gotten to your PM, yet. I will soon, though.


I hear that, i have my own health issues (type 1 diabetic my whole life)

but don't forget: stress kills! when everything is a big deal, life is no fun. Body and soul deteriorates

Yeah, that's part of the problem, too. Anxiety issues driving up my heart rate and blood pressure I think.

Anyway, thanks guys for not making me explain exactly what all those terms mean. Although, I have a feeling that several people Googled the crap out of them as soon as they saw that post.

[Lobotomy]

I don't know how big your college is, but even on the smallest college campuses there are quite a few different groups of people. When you're reading the school paper, or in class listening to some other kids discuss something, make a note when you hear something you like coming from another student. Then after class/later in the day go tell them that you appreciated their comment and you'd like to kick it some time.

Furthermore, you don't have to keep all your friends in your life for a long time. It's perfectly acceptable to be friends with a group of people while you're in a specific situation and when you leave that situation you don't really talk to them - it's what people do.

- August


This has happened a lot to me in the past. You'll find people you connect with properly in the end though. Maybe you're just not hanging out in the right places/with the right people to meet the right people.

Thanks for the advice. I guess I'm just not very good at making new friends or communicating in general so I just get defeated too easily.

[Salyut]

Thanks for the vote of sympathy, mate. I'm actually quite embarrassed I haven't gotten to your PM, yet. I will soon, though.


I'm better now. I'm just kinda pissed that I nearly had an anxiety attack in public - thought I was over that. Guess not. :( Dunno about the PM's readability, I was in a hurry and kind of upset at the time...

In happier news, I went to a poetry night - and it was pretty awesome. The local fash are apparently trying to start shit though (looks like they attempted to jump the head of the reading group on two occasions recently); so I better get on that martial arts stuff soon.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

I'm a bit in the same boat myself. My last relationship was, for all its issues, one of the best I've had. To lose that and the feelings that come with it has been one of the hardest things to deal with. It's mostly the loneliness/lack of an actual connection.

...

I've started to drink alone again. I acknowledge that there are far worse things out there, and I should probably be thankful that it's the worst of my problems - but the last time I did this it ended badly. Really badly. I'm making a serious effort to stop, but nothing seems to be working...

That's exactly how I feel. I've been drinking alone too, and I know I should stop and 'get out there', but it sometimes feels hopeless. I'm so different to how I was when I met my ex and that makes it difficult to meet girls like her I think. Anyway, drop me a PM if things get shit dude and sorry to hear about it, I can relate.

[Susurrus]

In happier news, I went to a poetry night - and it was pretty awesome. The local fash are apparently trying to start shit though (looks like they attempted to jump the head of the reading group on two occasions recently); so I better get on that martial arts stuff soon.

Poetry nights sound a heck of a lot more interesting wherever you are.:blink: The only fascists that might take issue with poetry meetings from what I've seen of them are grammar nazis.

[Decolonize The Left]

You don't have to tell me about surgery, lol... I had surgery (this procedure (http://www.uptodate.com/contents/patient-information-radiofrequency-catheter-ablation-for-the-heart)) on it twice in my teens and it failed both times. After the second time my pediatric cardio-surgeon told me that basically the only option left for me was open heart... But the whole idea of somebody taking a circular saw to my sternum, a rib spreader, and the doctor literally grabbing hold of my heart in order to lift it up and slice open my pericardium isn't an entirely thrilling prospect. That's why I've taken to hiking as a way to get in shape lately, hopefully to improve my cardiovascular health as a way to decrease the frequency and intensity of the episodes...

I didn't realize that you had had surgery before for this issue and that cardio health is what's needed. Hiking is a wonderful form of exercise but there's much better ways to work out your heart:
- Jumprope. You can do it in your house, on your block, fucking anywhere where you can... jump... rope. It's an excellent form of anaerobic exercise and improves your hand/eye coordination to boot.
- Swim. Really, swimming laps is amazing for your heart and your whole body. Your local Y should have a decent pool where you can swim to your heart's content (oooooooo pun bomb).
- Bicycle. I don't know where you work in relation to where you live, but you can bike to work for an easy form of aerobic exercise which is also functional.
- Cut out all the bad shit in your diet. Yeah I know everyone says it but trans-fats, too much carbs, etc... is all bad. Lots of veggies for you, veggies and fruit all the time. Seriously. Mix in some meat for some added protein but eat veggies whenever you can. You can get good protein from beans, soy, tofu, etc... if you don't wanna eat meat as well.
- And water. Drink it because it's good.

Do it and be healthy. You know we all want you to so listen to your internet friends because we know you best.

- August

[Le Socialiste]

You need to get out and make more actual connections. I know it's probably the hardest thing to do at the moment in your situation, but it's absolutely vital that you do not dwell on these feelings.

If, like you've said, this person is gone, then they're gone. Do not dwell on the fact that they weren't at some point in the past, that point is over. It brings you nothing but sadness to stay there.



Drinking alone isn't necessarily problematic as long as you're not drinking alone for the sake of drinking. I like drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey as much as they next person, but it's very dangerous.

I suggest you remove all alcohol from your place of residence as a positive step towards avoiding this activity. If you want to drink, force yourself to go out and do it among others. Dive bars are full of people who want to drink alone but drink alone with others instead. And many of them have far worse problems than you, so that may help your spirits?

- August

I feel that I have moved on quite a bit. You know things have gotten better when the day comes in which you don't really think or dwell on the person or relationship in question. The frustrating thing is, I have gotten out there, but so far nothing has achieved the level of connection I felt with my last relationship. I realize these things can happen any time, and eventually something will come out of it. But that doesn't make the loneliness any easier. The hardest times are when I do think about those years together, and it's almost like all the good feelings and memories hit me at once...and all I can do is think about the fact that that time is over and through.

Granted, I consider myself better off than I was a year ago. So that's something. I tend to be optimistic about these things, that it will all get better. And I'm positive it will - but in the meantime I must deal with picking up the pieces. The good news is I'm getting there.

As for the drinking, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I'm doing it alone again, just that I am. It's pretty stupid, considering my history with it. I'm hoping to make plans for this coming weekend so that I won't be caught in this situation again - at least for a couple of days. I might just take you up on your advice regarding the removal of alcohol. If it's not there I can't do it. Ideally. Here's hoping things improve. Thanks August.

[praxis1966]

I didn't realize that you had had surgery before for this issue and that cardio health is what's needed. Hiking is a wonderful form of exercise but there's much better ways to work out your heart:
- August

That's all great advice and I'll probably take some of it... Though the skipping rope might be a problem because of the impact, impact being one of my condition's triggers. Currently, I'm trying to procure a bike from the local freecycle lists but it's a bit difficult because they tend to get snapped up quickly. Basically, what I need is a low-impact, highly aerobic form of exercise until I can get my baseline fitness where it needs to be... Then the impact won't matter as much. I played soccer for 15 years and trained in martial arts and while I had problems, they were fewer and farther between because I was in much better overall shape then... The trouble with most forms of exercise (gyms, dojos, bicycles, pools, lakes which around here are all in parks that charge fees) is that they cost money and I'm unemployed atm...

Anyway, went and sat in the ER for about 3 hours today. They turfed me out to a community health center which employs a cardiologist, gave me a blood pressure script, and gave me something for my sinuses (which are also a problem) that isn't contraindicated for cardiac patients. I mentioned my psych "issues" while I was in there and they gave me a referral for that as well. Because I went through the ER at a public hospital, the whole thing's going to be covered by Medi-Cal's emergency care program... So there's some good news I suppose.

[praxis1966]

I'll split this and send it to Chat if you guys want... I'd much rather do that than start handing out warnings for off-topic posting. ;)

[Impulse97]

Rotflmao....Oh god it seems so obvious now! It should have been obvious right away, cause the bottom pic is my firefox skin.....:laugh:

Split away purple'd one!

[Salyut]

Poetry nights sound a heck of a lot more interesting wherever you are.:blink: The only fascists that might take issue with poetry meetings from what I've seen of them are grammar nazis.

It was before the night and hadn't occurred at the location.

Granted apparently the other poetry night things in town get really upset if you talk about police brutality or anti-fascism. The guy in question got accused of hate speech against cops after a poem. :rolleyes:

[praxis1966]

Rotflmao....Oh god it seems so obvious now! It should have been obvious right away, cause the bottom pic is my firefox skin.....:laugh:

Split away purple'd one!

Done. You guys can have at it with all the silliness you like. New topic's in Chat under the title "Communist Partying, w00t!"

[Decolonize The Left]

I feel that I have moved on quite a bit. You know things have gotten better when the day comes in which you don't really think or dwell on the person or relationship in question. The frustrating thing is, I have gotten out there, but so far nothing has achieved the level of connection I felt with my last relationship. I realize these things can happen any time, and eventually something will come out of it. But that doesn't make the loneliness any easier. The hardest times are when I do think about those years together, and it's almost like all the good feelings and memories hit me at once...and all I can do is think about the fact that that time is over and through.

I'm gonna be straight with you, you need to distract yourself.

I'm serious man, dwelling on shit like past relationships and how they hurt doesn't bring you anything but pain. Now this isn't to say that you can't learn from that, and become a better person, but it is to say that once that's done it's totally pointless and unhealthy.

This is where the drinking factors in. When you drink it's easy to dwell on things and feel sorry for yourself because you're all fucked up and drunk. It feels good to get emotional in that state because you're hazy in the drink and you know it doesn't matter. But this just makes it worse. You're just wasting time being fucked up and then you think about it and get upset.

So you need to get out there and no rely on 1. memories, and 2. the bottle, for your livelihood.


Granted, I consider myself better off than I was a year ago. So that's something. I tend to be optimistic about these things, that it will all get better. And I'm positive it will - but in the meantime I must deal with picking up the pieces. The good news is I'm getting there.

That's fantastic. I'm really happy for you.

Now get there without the bottle in your hand. It is easier to pick up the pieces of the past with two hands...


As for the drinking, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I'm doing it alone again, just that I am. It's pretty stupid, considering my history with it. I'm hoping to make plans for this coming weekend so that I won't be caught in this situation again - at least for a couple of days. I might just take you up on your advice regarding the removal of alcohol. If it's not there I can't do it. Ideally. Here's hoping things improve. Thanks August.

You're doing it because you know how to do it and when you're stressed you retreat back to conditioned behavior. It's just what we do as humans. Drinking is easy, you have a history with it, you know it works, and it's right in front of you.

I suggest that you do get rid of the alcohol in your residence, and don't forget to stock up on other beverages as well. You should have something tasty there when you're reaching in the fridge for a beer - everyone likes orange juice.

Oh I just remembered, aerobic exercise. See my post above to praxis and pick one of the activities and do that shit. Serious aerobic exercise is proven to help with overcoming addictions and it's healthy and fun. Plus you'll meet people while you're exercising and you'll be looking all fine n shit while you're sweating away on that treadmill and be like 'yeah baby I don't drink because that shit'll fuck you up. My head is clear and focused... on you.' She'll be all like 'well damn that's a man who knows what he wants.'

Who said something about a past relationship? ;)

- August

[Quail]

I'm sick of moaning to people all the time irl so I'm going to moan on here.

My anxiety is getting out of control and it's making my life quite difficult. It's been manifesting itself in 2 main ways that I've noticed:
-Random, intense feelings of unexplainable fear, sometimes to the point where I feel like I'm dying;
-My phobia of wasps, which for some reason is so bad that when a wasp started buzzing around my son the other day I ended up screaming, crying and hyperventilating.
Intrusive thoughts and stupid compulsive behaviour also appears to be coming back. I honestly don't have any idea what's set all of this off though. It just feels as though all of a sudden, I can't leave the house without constantly feeling anxious, I can't get to sleep because I'm too anxious and I can't relax and enjoy myself. I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to sort something out to help.

[Salyut]

I went to a workshop on police brutality and First Nations. The RCMP showed up and basically told the speaker to get outside. Her grandmother and daughter were in the area while she was giving a speech - they were going to a park.

Kid had a temper tantrum and tried bolting into the street. Grandma ended up grabbing the kid by the hair (artheritic hands and the kid was slipping away or something - I don't think this was intentional). Somehow they end up getting swarmed and detained by six cops with a paddywagon. I've never seen the RCMP in this area of town before (hell - at all), as the area is covered by city police. I'm sure they totally weren't out to harass anyone, totally sure *cough*.

Anyway they threatened to haul grandma off to jail and seize the kid. Somehow the situation got defused. It was totally fucked up and a blatant attempt at intimidating the activist. I really didn't expect the pigs to be so open about it either. Jesus on a pogo-stick.

[Salyut]

I'm sick of moaning to people all the time irl so I'm going to moan on here.

My anxiety is getting out of control and it's making my life quite difficult. It's been manifesting itself in 2 main ways that I've noticed:
-Random, intense feelings of unexplainable fear, sometimes to the point where I feel like I'm dying;
-My phobia of wasps, which for some reason is so bad that when a wasp started buzzing around my son the other day I ended up screaming, crying and hyperventilating.
Intrusive thoughts and stupid compulsive behaviour also appears to be coming back. I honestly don't have any idea what's set all of this off though. It just feels as though all of a sudden, I can't leave the house without constantly feeling anxious, I can't get to sleep because I'm too anxious and I can't relax and enjoy myself. I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow so hopefully I'll be able to sort something out to help.

Have you ever tried Lyrica? It might be worth a shot if you don't want to mess around with benzos.

[praxis1966]

This is where the drinking factors in. When you drink it's easy to dwell on things and feel sorry for yourself because you're all fucked up and drunk. It feels good to get emotional in that state because you're hazy in the drink and you know it doesn't matter. But this just makes it worse. You're just wasting time being fucked up and then you think about it and get upset.

You're right, but I'd go a step further as this is something with which I have some experience having two alcoholics (only one of them reformed) for parents. Getting drunk and being emotional in that state is is another way of repressing emotion. It creates a pattern of only being able to experience that pain when you're inebriated, which is a condition that by its very nature disallows you to rationally cope with it. Functionally, you're only burying things further and making the situation exponentially worse.

Now LS, I don't know you personally so I couldn't make a call one way or the other as to whether you're an alcoholic now, but I can tell you this: You're on that road. I don't wanna talk shit and I don't mean to demean you, I say it out of concern because I watched it happen with my own parents. Augie and I just wanna see you get better.

[The Underdog]

Hmmm... I seem to share many of these problems.

I had a pretty mediocre upbringing. As I explain here (http://www.revleft.com/vb/showpost.php?p=2183467&postcount=41), my father was a bit of a bully, and I suffered a fair amount of physical and emotional abuse at his hands. This treatment served to seriously hamper my confidence throughout my childhood and teenage years. As I went through a few different schools, throughout my education, I had to try and ingratiate myself with numerous different classes and peer groups that were already well-established prior to my arrival. Consequently, on many occasions, I found myself socially-isolated and ostracized by many of my peers, and this has caused further issues with my self-confidence and self-belief.

I've never quite managed to shake the social awkwardness and anxiety that I still feel when dealing with people generally. I am sure that they can pick up on this too. I have never had a girlfriend (and i'm twenty), despite the fact that, in terms of physical attractiveness, many girls apparently rate me quite highly. I haven't really tried to find a girlfriend, though. I've kinda given up for the moment, though it would be good if someone came to me for a change.

I used to drink alone like some of the previous posters, but it ultimately got me nowhere. I just felt even more jaded and depressed.

I won't get started on the fact that i'm underemployed at the moment, as I am sure that most of us are struggling in this economic chaos.

Oh well.

[Le Socialiste]

Well, I cleared my place of alcohol. That's a start. Thanks August, Praxis. I'm going to try to work my way out of this.

[Le Libérer]

Just looked at her profile and it said her last activity was at 10 this morning. Maybe she didn't post, but she defo logged in.

I chatted with yesterday about her new tattoo. Sounds cool actually.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk

[bcbm]

I'm serious man, dwelling on shit like past relationships and how they hurt doesn't bring you anything but pain. Now this isn't to say that you can't learn from that, and become a better person, but it is to say that once that's done it's totally pointless and unhealthy.

This is where the drinking factors in. When you drink it's easy to dwell on things and feel sorry for yourself because you're all fucked up and drunk. It feels good to get emotional in that state because you're hazy in the drink and you know it doesn't matter. But this just makes it worse. You're just wasting time being fucked up and then you think about it and get upset.

So you need to get out there and no rely on 1. memories, and 2. the bottle, for your livelihood.

this is good advice, wish i could follow it

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I chatted with yesterday about her new tattoo. Sounds cool actually.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk
Who me? I like my new tattoo. I've just been an emotional rollercoster. Lots of extreme up and extreme down. I thought about checking in to a psych unit again yesterday but decided that I'm going to try and push out of all of this on my own. I'll try to overcome my emotional turbulence as well as my skin crawling under itself and all, but it is clear to me that I will never be fully okay. My emotional state and moods always shift fast and shift hard and that is not likely to change.

[Quail]

Have you ever tried Lyrica? It might be worth a shot if you don't want to mess around with benzos.
I've just started on a new antidepressant for it. Not exactly what I wanted, but if it might make things bearable it's worth a shot. What exactly is Lyrica though?

[Decolonize The Left]

I've just started on a new antidepressant for it. Not exactly what I wanted, but if it might make things bearable it's worth a shot. What exactly is Lyrica though?

Public Med Page (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0000327/)
Wiki Page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregabalin)
Erowid Page (http://www.erowid.org/pharms/pregabalin/pregabalin.shtml)

- August

[Quail]

Should probably have googled it myself. :blushing: The doctor didn't offer anything like that. I'm now on escitalopram (cipralex). After only 2 days, it seems to be messing with my head less than citalopram, which I used to take for anxiety problems, so it might be okay (although 2 days isn't long enough to tell). It just sucks that SSRIs react badly with a lot of recreational drugs.

[Metacomet]

I feel left behind. People I went to high school with are getting married, buying houses, and have jobs at engineering firms, banks, and big corporations. I still work part time and live with my parents. It's damned depressing.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I feel left behind. People I went to high school with are getting married, buying houses, and have jobs at engineering firms, banks, and big corporations. I still work part time and live with my parents. It's damned depressing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm a fuck up, an addict and I have no job and eat out of dumpsters.

[Susurrus]

I feel left behind. People I went to high school with are getting married, buying houses, and have jobs at engineering firms, banks, and big corporations. I still work part time and live with my parents. It's damned depressing.

All this means is that you're not as good at sucking up to the man as them, comrade.

[Decolonize The Left]

I feel left behind. People I went to high school with are getting married, buying houses, and have jobs at engineering firms, banks, and big corporations. I still work part time and live with my parents. It's damned depressing.

That's just a difference in value systems.

To them, a big house is valuable because it's a status symbol. To them getting married is a necessary step in society. To them having an important job is a sign that they are valued as a person.

All these values are relative. Observe:
A big house is relatively useless as you will not fill it with stuff, so it only serves as a symbol - a symbol which happens to cost a lot each month in mortgage payments and which will devalue over time.
Marriage is becoming obsolete. With the GLBTQ movements for marriage equality, the notion of marriage is becoming less and less necessary, and more and more antiquated. Once civil unions become adopted as the norm for state-issued-partnerships, the notion of marriage as being a step all must take in society will seem absurd.
Having an important job at a big corporation is seen as important because it demonstrates a person's ability to work enough to afford the above mentioned luxuries. Yet the cost of this is enormous and the job relatively unsustaining as a passion. This isn't even to go into surplus value and capitalist exploitation...

The point isn't how you match up against these people who you happened to share a couple years with, the point is how you feel about yourself in relationship to your goals and desires as a person.

You aren't left behind. There is no end. There is no race. There is no position vis-a-vis other people. These are all systematic constructions which help you create a psychology of judgement and resentment.

If you work part-time and live with your rents (something I have done), then you are doing it for a reason. Hopefully you know that reason and know how it factors into your goals and aspirations as a human being.

- August

[Metacomet]

That's just a difference in value systems.

To them, a big house is valuable because it's a status symbol. To them getting married is a necessary step in society. To them having an important job is a sign that they are valued as a person.

All these values are relative. Observe:
A big house is relatively useless as you will not fill it with stuff, so it only serves as a symbol - a symbol which happens to cost a lot each month in mortgage payments and which will devalue over time.
Marriage is becoming obsolete. With the GLBTQ movements for marriage equality, the notion of marriage is becoming less and less necessary, and more and more antiquated. Once civil unions become adopted as the norm for state-issued-partnerships, the notion of marriage as being a step all must take in society will seem absurd.
Having an important job at a big corporation is seen as important because it demonstrates a person's ability to work enough to afford the above mentioned luxuries. Yet the cost of this is enormous and the job relatively unsustaining as a passion. This isn't even to go into surplus value and capitalist exploitation...

The point isn't how you match up against these people who you happened to share a couple years with, the point is how you feel about yourself in relationship to your goals and desires as a person.

You aren't left behind. There is no end. There is no race. There is no position vis-a-vis other people. These are all systematic constructions which help you create a psychology of judgement and resentment.

If you work part-time and live with your rents (something I have done), then you are doing it for a reason. Hopefully you know that reason and know how it factors into your goals and aspirations as a human being.

- August


Thanks, I suppose that's all I can do. Work towards my goal however I can........

It's just so depressing sometimes living like this. feeling like your 12 years old (and being treated like it by your mother.) :rolleyes: Today for example after some stupid argument about something or another she tells me "If you want to think your an adult, that's fine" (I think I asked for a ride to work or something in 2 days) in her usual passive aggressive kind of way.

Especially after living away for four years at college. She doesn't seem to realize I didn't starve. I did exceptionally well in class. I did my own laundry. I cleaned my own dorm room. I didn't crap my pants and need mummy to change my diaper.

I mean god damn I'm trying. I've applied for dozens and dozens of jobs over the past year. And I've gotten this crappy retail job that gives the hours of a temp. I've been unable to get my drivers license because I can't go to the RMV (it's about an hour away) because I have no way of getting there. If I got it there is no way I could afford a car either. I'm always being compared to my sister, who was lucky enough to get an internship and a full time job right after getting her associates degree. And is little miss independent. Yea, I could be too with a job like that.

[The Underdog]

Thanks, I suppose that's all I can do. Work towards my goal however I can........

It's just so depressing sometimes living like this. feeling like your 12 years old (and being treated like it by your mother.) :rolleyes: Today for example after some stupid argument about something or another she tells me "If you want to think your an adult, that's fine" (I think I asked for a ride to work or something in 2 days) in her usual passive aggressive kind of way.

Especially after living away for four years at college. She doesn't seem to realize I didn't starve. I did exceptionally well in class. I did my own laundry. I cleaned my own dorm room. I didn't crap my pants and need mummy to change my diaper.

I mean god damn I'm trying. I've applied for dozens and dozens of jobs over the past year. And I've gotten this crappy retail job that gives the hours of a temp. I've been unable to get my drivers license because I can't go to the RMV (it's about an hour away) because I have no way of getting there. If I got it there is no way I could afford a car either. I'm always being compared to my sister, who was lucky enough to get an internship and a full time job right after getting her associates degree. And is little miss independent. Yea, I could be too with a job like that.

Yep, that pretty much describes myself, and some of my acquaintances as well.

Life is shit. :(

[Decolonize The Left]

Thanks, I suppose that's all I can do. Work towards my goal however I can........

It's just so depressing sometimes living like this. feeling like your 12 years old (and being treated like it by your mother.) :rolleyes: Today for example after some stupid argument about something or another she tells me "If you want to think your an adult, that's fine" (I think I asked for a ride to work or something in 2 days) in her usual passive aggressive kind of way.

Don't argue with your mom over things like that, and don't take it personally. Your mom has her own expectations which have nothing to do with you - they are reflections of hopes/aspirations/fears/etc... which she projects onto you because she loves you.
There's nothing you can do about this, only time will change her perspective, but you need to recognize that this isn't a commentary on you as you stand now.


Especially after living away for four years at college. She doesn't seem to realize I didn't starve. I did exceptionally well in class. I did my own laundry. I cleaned my own dorm room. I didn't crap my pants and need mummy to change my diaper.

She realizes this.

But you need to realize that she has a perspective on things which you don't share. She sees you going to school and doing all this, she knows this happens, but while you did this things were different at home. (I assume) that this kids weren't there and your parents had a different life. Then you come back, and this is fine, and things are different again.

There are tons of changing dynamics at play.


I mean god damn I'm trying. I've applied for dozens and dozens of jobs over the past year. And I've gotten this crappy retail job that gives the hours of a temp.

When you say you've 'applied' does this mean you just filled out an app and then left? Do you have a resume? Did you follow up on the job opportunity once a week?


I've been unable to get my drivers license because I can't go to the RMV (it's about an hour away) because I have no way of getting there. If I got it there is no way I could afford a car either.

In my humble opinion, your first goal should be getting your license. Tell your mom/dad that in exchange for shuttling you to and from the RMV, you'll do that big project they've been waiting to see get done (or something like that - make it worth their while).

You absolutely need your license. When you get this you can borrow a car if necessary, or perhaps even get one for yourself. You say you can't afford one, but you should be able to by a piece of shit vehicle for under a grand pretty easily if you look in the right places.
I haven't asked you where you live, but knowing this might help.


I'm always being compared to my sister, who was lucky enough to get an internship and a full time job right after getting her associates degree. And is little miss independent. Yea, I could be too with a job like that.

Forget about your sister (not literally, but in this case). She's her own person and you are yours. It does you no good to dwell on the past.

- August

[Metacomet]

When you say you've 'applied' does this mean you just filled out an app and then left? Do you have a resume? Did you follow up on the job opportunity once a week?



In my humble opinion, your first goal should be getting your license. Tell your mom/dad that in exchange for shuttling you to and from the RMV, you'll do that big project they've been waiting to see get done (or something like that - make it worth their while).

You absolutely need your license. When you get this you can borrow a car if necessary, or perhaps even get one for yourself. You say you can't afford one, but you should be able to by a piece of shit vehicle for under a grand pretty easily if you look in the right places.
I haven't asked you where you live, but knowing this might help.



Forget about your sister (not literally, but in this case). She's her own person and you are yours. It does you no good to dwell on the past.

- August


About jobs.

I applied to all sorts of places, and have been. Running the gambit. Retail stores, Gamestop, BestBuy, Wal Mart, Target,Northface,Macy's (the one job I got), book stores, smaller shops.

Most of them were in person applications with resumes. I would usually follow up 5-6 days later. oddly enough, I got the least amount of interviews at these sorta places. I had one at Staples, which I guess didn't go as well as I thought. And one at the job I eventually got. I don't know what was up at the other places. Same as a job selling cell phones. I guess they hired either the high school kid who went in after me. Or noone, as they were advertising the job a week later. Oh well. :rolleyes: And then there was the pet store........well I guess I've blown quite a few interviews looking back. I've recently reformatted my resume. Fluffed up some BS Hoping that helps a bit.

Food places. Burger king, McDonalds, Dunkin Donuts, local places. I had one interview at a convenience store, I didn't have any kitchen experience, so they didn't hire me. I'll admit I probably could/can try harder to get a job at these places. However in an area like this they are limited so I'd be applying to the same places for a second/third time.

"real jobs". Resumes set, cover letters, follow up calls, "cold" resumes. Craigs list, Monster etc. I had two interviews at places like this. One was at a publishing company. One was at a temp agency. Neither took me. Also had a job interview at a high school in downtown Boston. Looking back that job probably would have been a pita. (inner city, 2 hour commute) But still.


I know I screwed up not getting my license. Going to a high school I spent so long getting too every day/ Living in a city for college really screwed that timeline up. I just put it off, and off, and off. Walked places. Rode the bus. I did driving school years ago, and have been doing lessons recently, but my permit expired right before I was ready to do a road test. And I haven't been able to get back since.

I live in a rural part of Massachusetts.

[The Underdog]

I know I screwed up not getting my license. Going to a high school I spent so long getting too every day/ Living in a city for college really screwed that timeline up. I just put it off, and off, and off. Walked places. Rode the bus. I did driving school years ago, and have been doing lessons recently, but my permit expired right before I was ready to do a road test. And I haven't been able to get back since.

I live in a rural part of Massachusetts.

Isn't it really easy to get a driving licence in the States? I'm pretty sure that, compared to the UK, the tests are relatively straightforward.

Just sayin'...

[Impulse97]

Isn't it really easy to get a driving license in the States? I'm pretty sure that, compared to the UK, the tests are relatively straightforward.

Just sayin'...


It's not the test that's the issue, its all the pre reqs that you need first. X amount of months holding a valid permit, x number of hours driving under said permit. etc. etc.

[Metacomet]

Isn't it really easy to get a driving licence in the States? I'm pretty sure that, compared to the UK, the tests are relatively straightforward.

Just sayin'...


Yea I could pass the test, I'm pretty sure. Well I can't parrallel park that well but you only have to do it behind a car to pass.

It's the getting to the registry, spending half your day there. Taking the permit test, calling the driving school, getting set up for a test, and if you fail, repeat step 3-4.

[¿Que?]

I'm feeling kind of lonely. It's sort of complicated. I'm not really looking for any serious relationship...maybe I am but don't know it. All I know is that I need some physical and emotional intimacy. I really want to hold someone in my arms or roll around in bed doing whatever, and yes, maybe even sex, but not specifically. I don't know. I've been cooped up in the apartment lately, not really wanting to do anything, feeling tired and lazy. I went through a high period recently where I felt like everything was going right...amidst some major setbacks too! But now, it's like I haven't met anyone, really, and all the women I was hangin' with I've become distant with them. Something needs to happen, or rather, I need to make something happen...soon...or I will go crazy. Of course there's the donut ship girl, but I haven't been going in there, I think people who mentioned that I would end up overthinking it are correct. Thing is, I don't really like donuts that much, and so I find myself having to muster all this courage to go there because the only reason I would even go there is to see her. I mean, if it was somewhere I'd be going anyway, then it'd be easier...

Hm...
So I'm writing now, because I want to get some of this angst out of me. Oh, and I keep thinking about Ms. November. Back in November, it was so difficult, it was so frustrating, but after all I've been through since then, I still feel that it's her that I really want. She was, and I use this term in a neutral sense...but there's no other way to put it. She was a slut. And that's why I liked her. Because I wanted someone to fuck me. Ohhhhh, she was so wrong and so right. And more so, I was a real jerk in so many ways. The main thing is that I was so angry when she moved on to the next guy, and the one after that, and so on, that I couldn't give her the discretion she deserves. So I failed.

I know I didn't want to date her, and she didn't want to date me. But why was I so immature about it, I will never understand. I guess there may be some reasons, but primarily, I think it's because I felt very very vulnerable and I felt that she wasn't understanding me. But it wasn't that, it was that she wasn't doing what I wanted her to do, which was to pick me, for one more night.

Ok, I think I've said enough.

[AnonymousOne]

I was about to get ready for some epic gaming with my boyfriend, until I realized that there was a single dead pixel on the center of my screen. Not a stuck pixel, or a hot pixel. A fully dead pixel. I tried everything I could do to get it working, applying light pressure and turning the display on and off in an attempt to get the liquid to flow back in, but no. I tried to ignore it, but it's there in the middle of the screen and its bugging me so much.

So I've had to one-day ship a replacement LCD screen for my gaming laptop in order to get it to work right. :(

[maskerade]

I think I'm balding. I don't want to be bald, my head has an odd shape. If I'm 19 and have a receding hairline now, does that mean I'll be bald at like 25? How do these things work.

I also don't think I can pull off a hat (figuratively, though if I was bald and put one on perhaps literally).

[Metacomet]

I think I'm balding. I don't want to be bald, my head has an odd shape. If I'm 19 and have a receding hairline now, does that mean I'll be bald at like 25? How do these things work.

I also don't think I can pull off a hat (figuratively, though if I was bald and put one on perhaps literally).

I'll be honest, I'm 23 and it's far gone. I shaved my head. Didn't think I'd like it, but I don't mind now.

Trust me, everyone compliments me and say I look much younger.

[Quail]

I think I'm balding. I don't want to be bald, my head has an odd shape. If I'm 19 and have a receding hairline now, does that mean I'll be bald at like 25? How do these things work.

I also don't think I can pull off a hat (figuratively, though if I was bald and put one on perhaps literally).
I doubt you'll be fully bald by the time you'e 25, but I suppose it probably varies person to person. I don't know what you look like, but a lot of people can pull off shaved/short hair really well. Even if you feel self-conscious, remember that everyone else is too busy worrying about their own insecurities to focus on you.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Feel refreshed with his scent all over me.
Damn it! he ripped me up inside and I am bloody.:crying:

[Ele'ill]

I was about to get ready for some epic gaming with my boyfriend, until I realized that there was a single dead pixel on the center of my screen. Not a stuck pixel, or a hot pixel. A fully dead pixel. I tried everything I could do to get it working, applying light pressure and turning the display on and off in an attempt to get the liquid to flow back in, but no. I tried to ignore it, but it's there in the middle of the screen and its bugging me so much.

So I've had to one-day ship a replacement LCD screen for my gaming laptop in order to get it to work right. :(

Gaming is so annoying. I get paranoid with mouse sensitivity stuff. My gaming story of the day is that whenever I get depressed or overwhelmed by life I either read or get involved in a game that has a good storyline (half-life as an example). Last night it was l4d2 and I really got into the character's side conversations (I was playing offline cause no net).

[Susurrus]

Gaming is so annoying. I get paranoid with mouse sensitivity stuff. My gaming story of the day is that whenever I get depressed or overwhelmed by life I either read or get involved in a game that has a good storyline (half-life as an example). Last night it was l4d2 and I really got into the character's side conversations (I was playing offline cause no net).

Have you read the L4D comic? It's pretty good and puts a lot of flesh onto the characters.

[Die Rote Fahne]

Final exams + final assignments + financial issues + gonna be a dad in a month + needing a part time job + generally being a person who has anxiety = lots of stress...

[Impulse97]

Final exams + final assignments + financial issues + gonna be a dad in a month + needing a part time job + generally being a person who has anxiety = lots of stress...

I can relate to four or five of those. Except the dad part :lol:. lol.

I hate my anxiety issues. I'm seriously, thinking about getting some light meds for it and my bouts of minor depression. Don't think It'll take much, but It'll be good to get rid of them.

[Pretty Flaco]

I think I'm balding. I don't want to be bald, my head has an odd shape. If I'm 19 and have a receding hairline now, does that mean I'll be bald at like 25? How do these things work.

I also don't think I can pull off a hat (figuratively, though if I was bald and put one on perhaps literally).

Everybody in my family was graying by their late 20's. But I guess that's better than balding. ;)

[Obs]

Final exams + final assignments + financial issues + gonna be a dad in a month + needing a part time job + generally being a person who has anxiety = lots of stress...

For what it's worth, congratulations.

[Zav]

My only source of income has been cut off by the coppers, and it's possible that I may have to do time for it, though I don't think I will. The only relative of mine that I actually love has brain cancer, and I can't bring myself to escape my area while she's dying, so I'm going to have to face the charges. My family hasn't spoken to me in a month (I live with them in their basement). I no longer can say that I believe that I am as free as I think I am. To top it off, the stress has caused me to revive my heroin addiction, which is quickly eating up my remaining funds. Fucking glorious. Just fucking grand.

[Pretty Flaco]

Apparently the government is cutting grants and student loans really bad with the whole debt ceiling deal... and I don't know how I could ever get into college without those. :(

a good education isn't something common in my family

[Salyut]

I have a sudden sinking feeling that all my attempts at building a social network have imploded.

[AnonymousOne]

Final exams + final assignments + financial issues + gonna be a dad in a month + needing a part time job + generally being a person who has anxiety = lots of stress...

I know that feel bro, minus becoming a dad at the same time, that came a few years later.

[Quail]

I hate my anxiety issues. I'm seriously, thinking about getting some light meds for it and my bouts of minor depression. Don't think It'll take much, but It'll be good to get rid of them.
I'm taking medication for anxiety, but I don't think it's working. I still can't sleep and have anxiety attacks on a daily basis. Medication can help, but it can take a while to start working or find the right drug.

[Pretty Flaco]

I'm out on the job hunt and there's a specific job that really caught my eye. It's a certain car wash and they really have good benefits; they'll help me pay college tuition for part time and for full time they have insurance and retirement benefits. I also think this job wants high school students like me and working at a car wash sounds much better than working in a kitchen flipping burgers.

Plus I'm pretty sure I might get to wear a tie! A goddamn tie! Talk about classy. Nothing says white collar like ties and wet shirts you can see your tits through. I'll be living the goddamn American dream. :rolleyes:

[NoOneIsIllegal]

Apparently the government is cutting grants and student loans really bad with the whole debt ceiling deal... and I don't know how I could ever get into college without those. :(

a good education isn't something common in my family
Fuck this dude, seriously. I've been in and out of college, but I :tt1: Pell Grants. I'm not going to accumulate loads of student debt, I mean, I don't even know what kind of job I'll be able to get after college, or if there will be any for my field (currently undecided)

[¿Que?]

Fuck this dude, seriously. I've been in and out of college, but I :tt1: Pell Grants. I'm not going to accumulate loads of student debt, I mean, I don't even know what kind of job I'll be able to get after college, or if there will be any for my field (currently undecided)
There's plenty of jobs in the undecided field. You could go into undecided research, or even teach undecided. You just have to keep your eyes open for opportunities in the exciting and lucrative undecided field. :laugh:

In all seriousness, that sucks about college funding. But loans aren't that good to begin with. This country has been moving in this direction for a while. There used to be way more grants back in the day, then they moved to loans, and now - well now it's gonna really suck.

[Welshy]

Well since we are on the topic of paying for college, I guess I'll mention something that bothers me about it.

So I'm finally making the big move out of my parents house (I'm 19) and am moving to Massachusetts which is where I go to school. My parents have worked out a budget with me based on a part-time minimum wage job which is really all I can hope for as I don't really have any valuable skills that could possible give me the hope of getting a better paid job. With this budget I basically break even. Now because of my major and chosen career path (I want to be a professor) I have to go to grad school. Now it has finally set in that I have no fucking clue how I'm going to pay for grad school. Why did I choose a major that has almost no job opportunities when you only have you Bachelors Degree????

[¿Que?]

Well since we are on the topic of paying for college, I guess I'll mention something that bothers me about it.

So I'm finally making the big move out of my parents house (I'm 19) and am moving to Massachusetts which is where I go to school. My parents have worked out a budget with me based on a part-time minimum wage job which is really all I can hope for as I don't really have any valuable skills that could possible give me the hope of getting a better paid job. With this budget I basically break even. Now because of my major and chosen career path (I want to be a professor) I have to go to grad school. Now it has finally set in that I have no fucking clue how I'm going to pay for grad school. Why did I choose a major that has almost no job opportunities when you only have you Bachelors Degree????
If you have the grades, you should try to get an assistantship. You may be able to be an instructor, research assistant or TA which is a paid gig. Depending on where you go, it pays more or less.

EDIT:Keep in mind, they'll work your ass, though.

[Pretty Flaco]

The car washing business contacted me. :)
It caught on our answering machine so I'm going to call back in the morning. Hopefully we can set up an interview and then if that goes well hopefully I'll have a new job!

[Aloysius]

I feel angry. Like, the kind of anger that simmers just beneath the surface, but never gets hotter.
Listening to Listener, but it just turns that anger into melancholy.

[AnonymousOne]

I feel angry. Like, the kind of anger that simmers just beneath the surface, but never gets hotter.
Listening to Listener, but it just turns that anger into melancholy.


What has you so upset?

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I slipped up and tied off and slammed again. Fiending again.

[¿Que?]

So I was talking to THE MOST gorgeous girl from Mexico for the past couple of days. She had a few pictures up. I mean this girl was like, oh my fucking god she's hot. She was, oh man, just fucking unbelievably good looking. If I had my way, either everyone would be that good looking or noone. Anywho, we exchanged a few emails and such, and I asked her out.

Now she's not responding :(

Figures. She was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over my league.

[AnonymousOne]

Anywho, we exchanged a few emails and such, and I asked her out.

Now she's not responding :(

Figures. She was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over my league.

How long has it been since you asked her out? An hour, a day, a few days? Give it time, and be patient, she could be legitimately busy with something.

[Pretty Flaco]

So I was talking to THE MOST gorgeous girl from Mexico for the past couple of days. She had a few pictures up. I mean this girl was like, oh my fucking god she's hot. She was, oh man, just fucking unbelievably good looking. If I had my way, either everyone would be that good looking or noone. Anywho, we exchanged a few emails and such, and I asked her out.

Now she's not responding :(

Figures. She was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over my league.

you should have wooed her with your knowledge of marxist theory

[¿Que?]

How long has it been since you asked her out? An hour, a day, a few days? Give it time, and be patient, she could be legitimately busy with something.
Possibly. Did I mention how good looking she was? :lol:

It's been about 24hours or so.

EDIT: But before she was responding pretty consistently within the day. I think I moved in too soon...

[Decolonize The Left]

So I was talking to THE MOST gorgeous girl from Mexico for the past couple of days. She had a few pictures up. I mean this girl was like, oh my fucking god she's hot. She was, oh man, just fucking unbelievably good looking. If I had my way, either everyone would be that good looking or noone. Anywho, we exchanged a few emails and such, and I asked her out.

Now she's not responding :(

Figures. She was waaaaaaaaaaaaay over my league.

"Leagues" are bullshit.

And even if they aren't, why would you want to date someone who thinks they're out of your league? What a load of self-indulgent egotistical crap. If some chick thinks she's too good for you then she's not sane enough to be worth your time.

Same goes for dudes who think they're hot shit. They're actually just shit which has been in the sun too long. Need to cool down. Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

- August

[AnonymousOne]

Possibly. Did I mention how good looking she was? :lol:

It's been about 24hours or so.

EDIT: But before she was responding pretty consistently within the day. I think I moved in too soon...

I think you should give it a little bit more time, after 3 days or so than you can start thinking you moved too soon. It seems like a long amount of time for you, because you've been waiting for a response this whole time.

If it is the case that she's ignoring you, hold off for an additional two or so days before texting but ignoring the going out. Just keep chatting/texting as before.

[¿Que?]

you should have wooed her with your knowledge of marxist theory
Yup, I think that would have gone over real well /sarcasm


"Leagues" are bullshit.

And even if they aren't, why would you want to date someone who thinks they're out of your league? What a load of self-indulgent egotistical crap. If some chick thinks she's too good for you then she's not sane enough to be worth your time.

Same goes for dudes who think they're hot shit. They're actually just shit which has been in the sun too long. Need to cool down. Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

- August
I don't know that she thinks she's too good for me. I think it's more I think I'm not good enough for her. Call it lack of self esteem, whatever. Through the ages, though, I've developed some not-so-attractive attributes. So, yeah, she doesn't seem like the type that would go for me. And yes, I truly believe there are types of people who go for certain types of people.

[¿Que?]

I think you should give it a little bit more time, after 3 days or so than you can start thinking you moved too soon. It seems like a long amount of time for you, because you've been waiting for a response this whole time.

If it is the case that she's ignoring you, hold off for an additional two or so days before texting but ignoring the going out. Just keep chatting/texting as before.
It's like you read my mind.

[Susurrus]

Yup, I think that would have gone over real well /sarcasm




Who knows? She could've been a Zapatista.

[Decolonize The Left]

I don't know that she thinks she's too good for me. I think it's more I think I'm not good enough for her. Call it lack of self esteem, whatever. Through the ages, though, I've developed some not-so-attractive attributes. So, yeah, she doesn't seem like the type that would go for me. And yes, I truly believe there are types of people who go for certain types of people.

Yes, well, AnonOne is probably right. I'm drunk and stoned so probably not the best advice column.

- August

[¿Que?]

Who knows? She could've been a Zapatista.
That's funny. Veracruz (where she said she was from) is awful near Chiapas.

[punisa]

I'm having trouble with alcohol.
Basically last time I went out it took me almost 3 days to recover from hangover and that can't be good...
I also have blanks in memory when I get trashed. I keep forgetting stuff from night before and sometimes I have no recollection as to how I got home.

I told myself I need to control my booze, but sometimes it gets of hand.
Funny thing is that sometimes I can go for weeks without a single drop of alcohol. Also I never have the urge to drink as in if I was addicted to it (like I am to tobacco).

[Quail]

^ I used to be a lot like that when I was really unhappy. I would go out and just get absolutely obliterated on anything I could get my hands on. Like, I know my limits, but I used to just ignore them and push them. It was a way of dealing with my feelings.


I've been prescribed valium for my anxiety as well as anti-depressants, although I want to try to avoid taking it as much as possible. Sounds like the kind of thing I'd be tempted to abuse. Still, it does work quite well.

[praxis1966]

Yes, well, AnonOne is probably right. I'm drunk and stoned so probably not the best advice column.

- August

Fuck that. I love drunk Augie. He's my favorite Augie. Who else could have the following instant recall of an Eddie Murphy reference amidst such shitfacery?


Have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

- August

^From an impression of Richard Pryor that Eddie Murphy did in his "Raw" special.

[punisa]

^ I used to be a lot like that when I was really unhappy. I would go out and just get absolutely obliterated on anything I could get my hands on. Like, I know my limits, but I used to just ignore them and push them. It was a way of dealing with my feelings.


I've been prescribed valium for my anxiety as well as anti-depressants, although I want to try to avoid taking it as much as possible. Sounds like the kind of thing I'd be tempted to abuse. Still, it does work quite well.

I know man... When I try to figure it out I always end up with half-conclusions.
If I'm in a really bad mood or I have some problems on my mind I'll prefer to stay home. Then again I think I'm cool and go with some friends for a drink and then it gets out of hands.

I never took valium or any other anti-depressants, but I know many people take some of these.
I always think I don't need anything, but this booze trouble worries me lately..

Also my problem is that I drink really fast. I'm not one of those guys who can order a beer and slowly sip on it throughout the night :(
I almost always drink just beer cause stronger stuff makes me go crazy much sooner. But after 10,12 beers... yeah, the result is pretty much the same.

Maybe I hang out with the wrong crowd, but here in Balkans drinking is a part of the culture. We all have parents, family and friends who are drunks :bored:

[praxis1966]

I never took valium or any other anti-depressants, but I know many people take some of these.

Point of order: Valium is a benzodiazepine which like all other benzos is prescribed for anxiety, not depression. Just sayin'.

[Pretty Flaco]

i have a job interview saturday with the place i wanna work at. :)
hopefully i can kick unemployment out the door!

[Quail]

I never took valium or any other anti-depressants, but I know many people take some of these.
I always think I don't need anything, but this booze trouble worries me lately..

My sentence about the valium was kind of just an unrelated statement about my situation. Got to pour my heart out too haha.


Also my problem is that I drink really fast. I'm not one of those guys who can order a beer and slowly sip on it throughout the night :(
I almost always drink just beer cause stronger stuff makes me go crazy much sooner. But after 10,12 beers... yeah, the result is pretty much the same.

Maybe I hang out with the wrong crowd, but here in Balkans drinking is a part of the culture. We all have parents, family and friends who are drunks :bored:
You could try alternating between soft drinks and alcoholic drinks when you're out, or if you don't have the willpower, if you drive, you could drive to the pub/club/whatever so that you absolutely can't drink. I find it hard not to give in and drink, but one thing I would never do is drink and drive.

[punisa]

Point of order: Valium is a benzodiazepine which like all other benzos is prescribed for anxiety, not depression. Just sayin'.
Ups, sorry for that. Just shows my ignorance on the topic :blushing:


You could try alternating between soft drinks and alcoholic drinks when you're out, or if you don't have the willpower, if you drive, you could drive to the pub/club/whatever so that you absolutely can't drink. I find it hard not to give in and drink, but one thing I would never do is drink and drive.

Good idea, but don't have a car..
I guess I could try time my drinks, like 1 drink every 40 minutes or so. I'll see how it goes.

[praxis1966]

Ups, sorry for that. Just shows my ignorance on the topic :blushing:

Meh It's all good. I wasn't trying to embarrass you, just clear up a misconception is all.


Good idea, but don't have a car..
I guess I could try time my drinks, like 1 drink every 40 minutes or so. I'll see how it goes.

I don't know that it will. I've tried that and here's the problem. Depending on your weight, age, and how heavy a drinker you are, you more or less will metabolize about one drink an hour. This means at the rate of one drink every 40 minutes, you're still going to become intoxicated and eventually your drinks will get closer and closer together as you begin to lose self-control. Quails first idea of alternating an alcoholic beverage with water or something is much better because it forces you to "take a time out" between drinks.

[Impulse97]

i have a job interview saturday with the place i wanna work at. :)
hopefully i can kick unemployment out the door!

Ditto. :lol:

I had an interview today for a job at a gas station. Went really well! Pay's not what I want, but hell at this point its better than nothing.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Point of order: Valium is a benzodiazepine which like all other benzos is prescribed for anxiety, not depression. Just sayin'.
I love Benzos!

[Pretty Flaco]

shark week drinking game:
chug 1 beer every time someone says the word shark :rolleyes:

[praxis1966]

shark week drinking game:
chug 1 beer every time someone says the word shark :rolleyes:

Belongs in "Say What You Want" over in Chat, Broshevik.

[Pretty Flaco]

So me and a friend was having a conversation about our childhoods and she mentioned that her parents were always buying her new silly little outfits all the time. So I mentioned that I didn't really get new clothes a whole lot and that all of my clothes was second hand until I was about 14 and that even some of the clothes I wear now, at age 17, is still second hand. She was totally confused. She asked me why anybody would do that... She said it was dumb and that I should just go out and buy new clothes.

We had a similar conversation about a year prior when I was over at her house. I was eating tons of food out of her fridge and I just said "shiiiiiit you've got tons of food here!" and she laughed and said they were running low. She said it was dumb that my family doesn't get enough food. "You guys should just go buy more." We have 7 people in our family and we all get fed, but we don't get as fed as much as some other kids.

She's a really nice friend... but she's such an ignorant rich fuck sometimes. God, once she was complaining about how her parents wouldn't drive her to a place she needed to go because they were mad at her. She said it was their "duty" to do it. I wanted to say "take a fuckin bus, *****", but I didn't want to be mean to her. :blushing:

I wish I could have everything I could ever need or want and be ignorant.

[¿Que?]

I love Benzos!
Every dude I've ever met named Ben, I've referred to as Benzo. They never thought it was funny, though. :/

Praxis: Sorry for the non-PYHO post, but it was (semi)relevant to the discussion.

[¿Que?]

Ok, here's another one for you guys. A woman that was in my graduate department, very smart, pretty, but very timid, has recently informed me (on facebook) that she's in Houston and that she would go to the Perry Response protest if, and only if, I drove up there and met up with her. She's pretty much a liberal progressive, but it's one of those situations where I think she's curious about radical politics, because she likes Marx and C Wright Mills which we read in our classes.

Well, my car is not in a condition to handle the three hour drive to Houston, but I can borrow someone's car, no problem. Sadly, I chickened out, because, of course, I have ulterior motives, but I'm not sure if she's dating someone or what.

I'm slowly regretting my decision more and more as time goes on. Of course, I don't have her number, and we haven't really talked since she graduated, but still, I may have just missed the opportunity of a lifetime here.

I am, in the final estimation of things, a coward.

[Metacomet]

Ok, here's another one for you guys. A woman that was in my graduate department, very smart, pretty, but very timid, has recently informed me (on facebook) that she's in Houston and that she would go to the Perry Response protest if, and only if, I drove up there and met up with her. She's pretty much a liberal progressive, but it's one of those situations where I think she's curious about radical politics, because she likes Marx and C Wright Mills which we read in our classes.

Well, my car is not in a condition to handle the three hour drive to Houston, but I can borrow someone's car, no problem. Sadly, I chickened out, because, of course, I have ulterior motives, but I'm not sure if she's dating someone or what.

I'm slowly regretting my decision more and more as time goes on. Of course, I don't have her number, and we haven't really talked since she graduated, but still, I may have just missed the opportunity of a lifetime here.

I am, in the final estimation of things, a coward.

So am I man, so am I. I can't imagine the stuff I've missed out on just because I have no cajones.

Part of having smothering parents. They still try to do it

[¿Que?]

So am I man, so am I. I can't imagine the stuff I've missed out on just because I have no cajones.

Part of having smothering parents. They still try to do it
Well, I'm not going for it. The next time something like this happens, I'm going to risk it, and if it ends up a disaster, fuck it, at least I took the chance.

EDIT: ALso, I think the word you're looking for is cojones. Otherwise, you're saying you don't have drawers, I think.

[Metacomet]

Well, I'm not going for it. The next time something like this happens, I'm going to risk it, and if it ends up a disaster, fuck it, at least I took the chance.

EDIT: ALso, I think the word you're looking for is cojones. Otherwise, you're saying you don't have drawers, I think.


All you can do.

[thesadmafioso]

Well, I'm not going for it. The next time something like this happens, I'm going to risk it, and if it ends up a disaster, fuck it, at least I took the chance.

EDIT: ALso, I think the word you're looking for is cojones. Otherwise, you're saying you don't have drawers, I think.

Yeah, that's more or less the sort of approach I took to the last situation I was in where I thought that something might come of taking a chance with a women. It sort of turned out to be a bit of a disaster, but at least I'm free of the constant thought of 'what if' and other comparable second guessing.

I think it's a slightly preferable route, and hey, there's always the chance that it will actually work out I suppose.

[Aurora]

I'm not lookin forward to my birthday in 2 days, i'm kinda lucky in that i already had a panic attack this week so it's probly over with, not lookin forward to hitting the old 2 0 though, probably gonna drink myself into unconsciousness :( don't really know what else to do, ive never had a proper relationship and i'm unemployed and live with my parents... i'll decide whether it's worth going on some other time..

My god i wish there was some easy way out... maybe there is but i dunno if i'm strong enough to take it.. :(

[¿Que?]

I'm not lookin forward to my birthday in 2 days, i'm kinda lucky in that i already had a panic attack this week so it's probly over with, not lookin forward to hitting the old 2 0 though, probably gonna drink myself into unconsciousness :( don't really know what else to do, ive never had a proper relationship and i'm unemployed and live with my parents... i'll decide whether it's worth going on some other time..

My god i wish there was some easy way out... maybe there is but i dunno if i'm strong enough to take it.. :(
At least take solace in the fact that you're young. But take heed, young comrade, you'll find that time fades quicker than you'd like...

[Impulse97]

I'm not lookin forward to my birthday in 2 days, i'm kinda lucky in that i already had a panic attack this week so it's probly over with, not lookin forward to hitting the old 2 0 though, probably gonna drink myself into unconsciousness :( don't really know what else to do, ive never had a proper relationship and i'm unemployed and live with my parents... i'll decide whether it's worth going on some other time..

My god i wish there was some easy way out... maybe there is but i dunno if i'm strong enough to take it.. :(

Same here man. Except, it's three days, 19 and weed. Close to getting a job though. Minimum wage, but it should be enough to pay for college. Never really considered 86'ing myself except for one break down Sophomore year. I guess its the devil's lettuce that keeps me sane these days.

Good luck dude.

[Aurora]

Woah i was well too drunk last night, spell check is a godsend, thanks for the kind words anyways :)

[praxis1966]

Otherwise, you're saying you don't have drawers, I think.

Not to get too far off topic, but the word you're thinking of is calzones. The reason I know is because every time my partner and I are at an Italian restaurant/pizzeria she has a giggle when I order a calzone (which means "sock" in Italian, IIRC).

[Pretty Flaco]

So I had my interview at the car wash place. I think it went well! But I can't be sure until they call me again...

[¿Que?]

Not to get too far off topic, but the word you're thinking of is calzones. The reason I know is because every time my partner and I are at an Italian restaurant/pizzeria she has a giggle when I order a calzone (which means "sock" in Italian, IIRC).
Well, not really. Yes, calzones means drawers or underwear in Spanish, but I was referring to drawers as in desk drawers, in which case the word is cajon (or cajones plural). But yeah, that calzones joke is always good for a laugh if you're eating at an Italian restaurant with a person of Spanish descent. :p

[praxis1966]

Well, not really. Yes, calzones means drawers or underwear in Spanish, but I was referring to drawers as in desk drawers, in which case the word is cajon (or cajones plural). But yeah, that calzones joke is always good for a laugh if you're eating at an Italian restaurant with a person of Spanish descent. :p

lmao Gotcha. I think the fact that I'm from the South originally just reared its ugly head. Somebody says "drawers" to me and my first thought is a pair of underpants, not a desk. :lol:

[¿Que?]

lmao Gotcha. I think the fact that I'm from the South originally just reared its ugly head. Somebody says "drawers" to me and my first thought is a pair of underpants, not a desk. :lol:
Language is funny...:laugh:

[Crux]

I am behind, way behind, months behind on my phonebill. I have not applied for virtually any jobs. My phone is not working. I cannot stay in this apartment anymore by the end of this month. I have not applied for univiersity, although I should. I should a lot of thing's but I've fucked up. Pretty hard. I mean fuck. fuck. fuck. just looked at what the last bill is at, with additional fees and all that.

Thank god my girlfriend has money. but we don't have much. I feel like shit. I've borrowed cash from my dad. money I should have used to pay my phonebills. I didn't we're soon out of food too. I feel like shit living off my girlfriend. and this is hoping she gets that student loan. I still feel like shit. I feel like I ahhve failed with virtually anything I have laid my hands on. I am rambling. I wish I was drunk, high anything. Almost had a nervous rbeakdown today. Because I am broke, soon homeless, jobless, ambitionless. I never took those anti-dep meds I was proscribed.

The doctor was too...uncaring. It was jsut reflexive. Couldn't ahve afforded the emds anyway. i don't believe in meds. And good luck getting therapy of any kind. Maybe I am not depressed. Maybe it's just left over ADD. Maybe I am just lazy. Unable. fuck. I feel like I've let people down. Sorry I ramble.

I feel like all that is ahead of me is a long black fucking tunnel.

[Salyut]

I wish my therapists/doctors would take me seriously on this one fucking issue. They just brush me off whenever I bring it up. :( Oh, and I'm feeling a panic...whatever the fuck attack welling up at the moment just from reading about said issue - and I'm incapable of looking away.

[Impulse97]

I wish my therapists/doctors would take me seriously on this one fucking issue. They just brush me off whenever I bring it up. :( Oh, and I'm feeling a panic...whatever the fuck attack welling up at the moment just from reading about said issue - and I'm incapable of looking away.

Lock your door, crank up some dubstep and go chill with mary jane.

Good luck dude, maybe finding some new doctors is in order.

[Quail]

I wish my therapists/doctors would take me seriously on this one fucking issue. They just brush me off whenever I bring it up. :( Oh, and I'm feeling a panic...whatever the fuck attack welling up at the moment just from reading about said issue - and I'm incapable of looking away.
Ask to see someone else if you can. Sometimes health professionals are completely useless and you have to really be pushy to get them to take things seriously.

As for panic attacks, breathe slowly, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Try to find something distracting to do. I use my phone to write a pointless text to someone, which usually helps. If not I make a call. (I also find alcohol takes the edge off, but makes anxiety worse the next day so that's a bad idea. I'm prescribed valium now which makes things much better.)

[Ele'ill]

Overly Critical Rant

I reject the expectations/perceived roles the radical community sub-culturists here seem to impose on everyone. An anarchist who likes to sometimes wear collared shirts? "Nah, that isn't real life." I reject the idea that anarchists here should act as a Vanguard of Community Recreation, as curators for community fun time, and plan things for working class people to come out and do on their days off/after work- all under the notion that it's radical organizing. Know what I don't want to do on a day off- Hang out with a bunch of people who dress strangely, who I don't know and talk about how horrible the world- my life- is. And I'm a radical.


Edit- oh jesus christ i meant 'here' as in where i live not this forum- jerks.

[#FF0000]

I am really sad all of a sudden. Woah.

[¿Que?]

I am really sad all of a sudden. Woah.
Same here. I wish I had someone to talk to.

[Impulse97]

I am really sad all of a sudden. Woah.


Same here. I wish I had someone to talk to.


Gee, thanks guys, you got me goin too....:crying::crying::crying:

[Mettalian]

My sister committed suicide a few years ago. She was adopted, but we were brother and sister nonetheless. She was really troubled, she was abused by former foster homes and her birth parents. My family was the only one that cared for her, and loved her. But she started cutting herself, so we sent her to CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario), where their Psych ward is so shitty, she was able to cut herself in there. The Children's Aid Society didn't take our warnings seriously and deemed my parents unfit and sent her to another foster home, where she hanged herself in the bathroom. And then her fucking birth parents blamed us for what happened. I only started crying about it this year. I didn't even go to her fucking funeral. I feel so heartless, so fucking wrong. I just wish that I could have been there, or something. Fuck.

[¿Que?]

My sister committed suicide a few years ago. She was adopted, but we were brother and sister nonetheless. She was really troubled, she was abused by former foster homes and her birth parents. My family was the only one that cared for her, and loved her. But she started cutting herself, so we sent her to CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario), where their Psych ward is so shitty, she was able to cut herself in there. The Children's Aid Society didn't take our warnings seriously and deemed my parents unfit and sent her to another foster home, where she hanged herself in the bathroom. And then her fucking birth parents blamed us for what happened. I only started crying about it this year. I didn't even go to her fucking funeral. I feel so heartless, so fucking wrong. I just wish that I could have been there, or something. Fuck.
That's a tragic story. I'm sorry to hear that.

[Salyut]

Lock your door, crank up some dubstep and go chill with mary jane.

Really angry electro-industrial actually. :D


Ask to see someone else if you can. Sometimes health professionals are completely useless and you have to really be pushy to get them to take things seriously.

It isn't that they don't help - but what I'm asking for is seriously radical and I don't they they quite understand where I'm coming from on it. Granted I'm feeling a lot better today... :glare:

Isolation really gets to me, and it seems to trigger these breakdowns. I need to find a way to fix that.

[¿Que?]

Gee, thanks guys, you got me goin too....:crying::crying::crying:
Well, I'm telling you what I'm doing. I'm going through a dating site, emailing random women who strike my fancy and which 99% of the time don't email back. Leaves me very empty and hollow, frustrated, but with a faint sense of hope because maybe tomorrow I'll have something interesting going on in my inbox.

[Aurora]

@Majakovskij
I really dunno what to say man, your in a really fucked up situation and i feel for you. Can you get any unemployment or housing benefit? or if you can still apply for university is it possible to get a grant?
Also about you depression/ADD do you know if there's any group orientated towards that near by?, like if you can't go to therapy and your doctor is an asshole perhaps theres another way, like here we have some organisations like AWARE and Samaritans which do group support. I dunno just an idea.
Anyways i know it doesn't mean much but i really hope your ok and you can find a way through this. :(

[Aurora]

@Mettalian
That's such a sad story im so sorry, i know it's not gonna make it any better but your reaction to it is very common, sometimes it takes time for things like this to hit you ya know, it's just too much to take in at one time, don't blame yourself for not going to her funeral i'm sure you had good reasons.

[AnonymousOne]

Isolation really gets to me, and it seems to trigger these breakdowns. I need to find a way to fix that.

Is there some way that you can get involved in a group or something? When I abandoned my faith, I found my Sundays lonely and hard to bear. Then I started going to a local Atheist group's meetings. I met some great friends and have good conversation there.

Are there resources or groups or activities you could get involved in your area?

[Crux]

@Majakovskij
I really dunno what to say man, your in a really fucked up situation and i feel for you. Can you get any unemployment or housing benefit? or if you can still apply for university is it possible to get a grant?
Also about you depression/ADD do you know if there's any group orientated towards that near by?, like if you can't go to therapy and your doctor is an asshole perhaps theres another way, like here we have some organisations like AWARE and Samaritans which do group support. I dunno just an idea.
Anyways i know it doesn't mean much but i really hope your ok and you can find a way through this. :(
Well, when I get my phone up and working again, it'll be easier to apply for jobs and then I can apply for unempployment benefit. But I think I'll try and get a late entry into university. It's just some days I don't feel like I am sure I can amange anything, job or no job, university or not. I bshould look for grants as soon as I know if I've gotten in though, that's a pretty good idea. As for support groups, I don't really know of any. Besides, as far as doctors are concerned that's far out of my economic reach right now anyway. I'm dealing with it. It isn't the first time I've been in a situation like this. But yeah, sometimes it just feels like stumbling blocks on stumbling blocks. Thanks for caring, though.

[Impulse97]

Isolation really gets to me, and it seems to trigger these breakdowns. I need to find a way to fix that.


Same here dude. Gonna try and change that at college this year. Gonna join a shitload of groups. Get out and meet people.

[thesadmafioso]

Same here dude. Gonna try and change that at college this year. Gonna join a shitload of groups. Get out and meet people.

More or less what I plan on doing this fall. I've haven't really done much of anything in the past month or so and I could really use a change of social pace.

[Salyut]

Is there some way that you can get involved in a group or something? When I abandoned my faith, I found my Sundays lonely and hard to bear. Then I started going to a local Atheist group's meetings. I met some great friends and have good conversation there.

Are there resources or groups or activities you could get involved in your area?

Yeah; I'm involved in a couple of university things (diving, caving...). They've gone quiet for the summer though. There's the anarchist thing, and Toastmasters - that's all I got going on right now.

Outside of them I have nothing.

[Quail]

I'm actually happy to have revision for a resit. It's something to focus on that isn't my own thoughts and anxieties. I spend an awful lot of time running around after my toddler which I think makes me feel worse because I don't really have anything to focus on that isn't him.

[mykittyhasaboner]

something tells me that talking about my petty fucking issues (compared to the serious ones ive read on here) like serious social anxiety and depression would be pointless....when people around me in real life dont even care....isn't it a bit odd to talk about these things with (outside of revleft) complete strangers? im a bit curious.

[Quail]

You should talk about your problems if you need to. Writing them down here is a good way of venting because it pretty much anonymous and writing how you feel just to get it out of our head is a healthy outlet for it. You should never feel that your own problems are trivial just because you perceive someone else's to be worse.

Also, it can be easier to talk about things with people who you don't know well because you don't feel as though you're letting them down. I feel like a burden to my friends and family because I am ill, and when I relapse (or get worse since I've actually never fully recovered), I feel as though they're going to be disappointed in me.

[mykittyhasaboner]

You should talk about your problems if you need to. Writing them down here is a good way of venting because it pretty much anonymous and writing how you feel just to get it out of our head is a healthy outlet for it. You should never feel that your own problems are trivial just because you perceive someone else's to be worse.

Also, it can be easier to talk about things with people who you don't know well because you don't feel as though you're letting them down. I feel like a burden to my friends and family because I am ill, and when I relapse (or get worse since I've actually never fully recovered), I feel as though they're going to be disappointed in me.

alright i guess it might be worth it. you've convinced me. i don't feel as if im a burden. just sort of a "non-factor" if that makes sense.

basically, i have no job, no prospect for school in the foreseeable future. i hate where i live, and before i can think about moving i need to find a job.

i can count my friends on one hand, ive lost contact with former friends from school and would really fear meeting a lot of them again--mostly because i perceive their opinion towards me as negative or just uninterested. most have moved on to school and work and successful social lives. i find that i disagree with the kind of, i don't give a fuck about anything except my own life and having fun, sort of lifestyle which many of them lead--yet im jealous of them because they somehow are happy, have relationships, make enough to get by...while i hopelessly try to scrape together a social life from day to day.

all i do make music, read, and hang out with friends whenever theyre available.

i really want to mend my (lack of) relationship with my parents. they've given me so much. i've saved money from former work for traveling and music, but i wouldn't have gotten anywhere without there help. hell it was my father who got me the job! its just really hard to talk to them without getting into some stupid fight over absolutely nothing. almost every conversation involves someone raising their voice, and insisting that we just cant talk.

nobody gives a shit about my opinions, political or otherwise, so im a complete failure as far as political work. i realize i can only do so much, but it seems like people don't even give me a chance to even finish or really listen to what im saying, let alone form some kind of proper political dialogue.

i don't handle unfamiliar situations well. meeting new people or catching up with old friends is sometimes terrifying. sometimes i handle it well though. i really dont know what else to say. all of this has lead to me having a pretty sad outlook as far as my own life goes. i cant go a day without tripping out....sometimes it leads to me feeling quite depressed. my friends say i shouldn't feel like that, but i don't think they understand what it feels like to have such a small amount of friends, not have much to do at all except stay at home, no personal transportation to go to events, concerts, or even stupid parties.

all in all, it would seem obvious that this is a recipe for severe anxiety/depression. i don't know if medication would help. i would guess it would only lead to some sort of dependency.

i know i know the only person who can help me is me, just go out on a limb, get out more, meet new people, youll find a job, and blah blah blah, blah blah.

personally i find all of that to be a bunch idealistic bullshit. the only way i can see a way out of this rut is a combined effort on my part, and friends willing to understand and help....but im ashamed to talk about this sort of thing.

wow i feel stupid. hope you enjoyed reading!

[Impulse97]

alright i guess it might be worth it. you've convinced me. i don't feel as if im a burden. just sort of a "non-factor" if that makes sense.

basically, i have no job, no prospect for school in the foreseeable future. i hate where i live, and before i can think about moving i need to find a job.

i can count my friends on one hand, ive lost contact with former friends from school and would really fear meeting a lot of them again--mostly because i perceive their opinion towards me as negative or just uninterested. most have moved on to school and work and successful social lives. i find that i disagree with the kind of, i don't give a fuck about anything except my own life and having fun, sort of lifestyle which many of them lead--yet im jealous of them because they somehow are happy, have relationships, make enough to get by...while i hopelessly try to scrape together a social life from day to day.

all i do make music, read, and hang out with friends whenever theyre available.

i really want to mend my (lack of) relationship with my parents. they've given me so much. i've saved money from former work for traveling and music, but i wouldn't have gotten anywhere without there help. hell it was my father who got me the job! its just really hard to talk to them without getting into some stupid fight over absolutely nothing. almost every conversation involves someone raising their voice, and insisting that we just cant talk.

nobody gives a shit about my opinions, political or otherwise, so im a complete failure as far as political work. i realize i can only do so much, but it seems like people don't even give me a chance to even finish or really listen to what im saying, let alone form some kind of proper political dialogue.

i don't handle unfamiliar situations well. meeting new people or catching up with old friends is sometimes terrifying. sometimes i handle it well though. i really dont know what else to say. all of this has lead to me having a pretty sad outlook as far as my own life goes. i cant go a day without tripping out....sometimes it leads to me feeling quite depressed. my friends say i shouldn't feel like that, but i don't think they understand what it feels like to have such a small amount of friends, not have much to do at all except stay at home, no personal transportation to go to events, concerts, or even stupid parties.

all in all, it would seem obvious that this is a recipe for severe anxiety/depression. i don't know if medication would help. i would guess it would only lead to some sort of dependency.

i know i know the only person who can help me is me, just go out on a limb, get out more, meet new people, youll find a job, and blah blah blah, blah blah.

personally i find all of that to be a bunch idealistic bullshit. the only way i can see a way out of this rut is a combined effort on my part, and friends willing to understand and help....but im ashamed to talk about this sort of thing.

wow i feel stupid. hope you enjoyed reading!


Sounds alot like me...

Blech, I just plan on joining a bunch of gruops in school this fall. Trying to be more outgoing.

Until then, I think I'm just gonna sit here and peace out.

[¿Que?]

I feel guilty that I can eat, and that a lot of people, even here on revleft, might not really get much to eat tonight.

:(

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I died last night when I went farther then nodding off, I fell off. My homegurl brought me back. My arms are sore and my skin is still crawling. I want more.

[maskerade]

I died last night when I went farther then nodding off, I fell off. My homegurl brought me back. My arms are sore and my skin is still crawling. I want more.

Be a responsible user. Just use every time your tolerance has gone down, and keep it that way. As in once a week at most. Not only will the high be better, but you will need less and you can keep yourself alive a bit longer.

On another note, how do I fix my relationship with my gf after having a huge fight with her which has now led her to have doubts about our relationship and has changed the way she feels about me? She doesn't want to break up yet, and I'd rather avoid that happening...

[Luisrah]

Be a responsible user. Just use every time your tolerance has gone down, and keep it that way. As in once a week at most. Not only will the high be better, but you will need less and you can keep yourself alive a bit longer.

On another note, how do I fix my relationship with my gf after having a huge fight with her which has now led her to have doubts about our relationship and has changed the way she feels about me? She doesn't want to break up yet, and I'd rather avoid that happening...

Explain your situation a bit more. Why did you fight? Give us the details

[maskerade]

Explain your situation a bit more. Why did you fight? Give us the details

I honestly don't really know...pretty much she got pissed off at me for no reason (which she later admitted) and refused to speak to for a few days, which made me pissed off and now she is angry with me for getting angry.

I'm still convinced it's a huge joke, but she seemed pretty serious yesterday when she said she was having doubts.

[Luisrah]

I honestly don't really know...pretty much she got pissed off at me for no reason (which she later admitted) and refused to speak to for a few days, which made me pissed off and now she is angry with me for getting angry.

I'm still convinced it's a huge joke, but she seemed pretty serious yesterday when she said she was having doubts.

Well, talk to her. Ask her why she is mad. Tell her that there should be honesty in a relationship because it's the best way for you to get along.
If she isn't sure if she likes you anymore, or likes someone else she should say it to avoid more suffering in the end. If there is something about you that she didn't like then refusing to speak is the worst way of solving it.
She should be honest so that you can know what went wrong and try (or not) to fix it.

And if you don't really know what is it about, either you did something really stupid and you are being a sort of ass for not realizing it and that's why she is angry, or she is being a bit stupid, because if you don't really know and there's no reason why you should know, then you have the right to be angry for her being angry without any reason.
I hope I made myself clear.

[Chambered Word]

looks like one of my friends is just fucking his shit up, and the other's becoming depressed as hell, and it's like I can hardly do anything :(

[praxis1966]

I finally got a girlfriend, I decided to check out her body, and wow... she got fabulous ass that I wouldn't trade for.

Classic sexist objectification, even if you are talking about your own girlfriend. Consider this post a verbal warning.