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View Full Version : What to tell a person I've mentored when they are struggling



MarxSchmarx
25th June 2011, 03:03
So there is this person (a young adult) that I have mentored for almost a year, teaching them the tools of my trade and making introductions for them and showing them the proverbial ropes.

In my area, there is a formal credentialing process that people have to go through to proceed along. Recently I heard that this person has had quite a few setbacks in the credentialing process, and has brought up to me how it isn't so much a lack of expertise as it is their anxiety and other issues that aren't related to competence.

I'm somewhat stumped as to what to tell them. I myself wasn't as driven so if my credentials got cut off at some point I probably would have abandoned the field altogether. I'm genuinely torn between being encouraging and telling them to adopt a come what may attitude versus acknowledging their setback and trying to be constructive with that setback in the center stage.

I mean, it would be great if I could say say something like "let the credential issuers see you for who you are and become aware of what you already know". But I know it's not that simple, and that's not really helpful advice. In our area, there are fairly well-defined, common and competition-based measures used in our field and if you come up short on them early on (as the person I've been mentoring has), that often means the authorities won't let you proceed despite your other, potentially considerable strengths. Their ambitions haven't been quashed yet, but they are very real setbacks

So would comrades have any suggestions on what advise to give? Perhaps you've been in a similar situation yourself - if so, what are some strategies you've used so that you don't freak out and end up being, as this person put it, their "own worst enemy"?

xub3rn00dlex
25th June 2011, 03:08
When you say that their anxiety gets in the way, would you care to explain further? I used to have anxiety problems when it came to taking major exams, often causing me to blackout on them and not be able to focus. Are your pupil's problems along similar lines?

Dumb
25th June 2011, 03:11
Oddly enough, a basketball link (http://www.thepostgame.com/features/201106/can-lebron-transform-choker-champ-sport-psychologist-has-game-plan) might prove useful.

Long story short, help your friend to think of a way for him to revisit the stressful situation(s) time and time again until it fails to elicit an emotional response anymore.

MarxSchmarx
25th June 2011, 03:50
When you say that their anxiety gets in the way, would you care to explain further? I used to have anxiety problems when it came to taking major exams, often causing me to blackout on them and not be able to focus. Are your pupil's problems along similar lines?

Basically, yes.

xub3rn00dlex
26th June 2011, 02:35
Basically, yes.

Well he might not have the timescale I did. What I used to do was drill it into my head that it was just a grade, a stupid number, etc. I guess I took the approach that you talked about which was whatever happens happens. Over a period of about 8 months I managed to go from over studying and blacking out to barely studying, being able to stay focused, but most of all not sweating over what happened. Maybe he can try to force some similar meetings and attempt to alter his mindset going in each time?

Also, prior to certain examinations I used to drink a little bit ( to loosen up ) or get high a few hours before, I would actually enter totally calm.