Not liking your friends.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

Does anyone else have this? Is it normal to realise that you actually dislike some of your friends? I don't really like people in general, but I do have some friends as a person is meant to. The problem is that I'm not particularly fond of them, and generally feel as if I could do without them and their dramas. I like people who are honest and to the point, that don't want to have tensions with other people, but I tend to see most people as selfish, badly principled and just annoying really. What can be said about that? I've never really found a group of friends I can really dig, and I've never seen the notion of friendship as anything but an illusion. This whole concept of friendship as solid seems like mystical, metaphysical nonsense to me. Why do people insist on surrounding themselves with people, even if they dislike them? I have one or two that I would call actual friends, but that's just one or two. Weird question I know, but it strikes me as a weird feeling.

[L.A.P.]

You probably just hang around the same people too often, that's at least the problem I'm having with my friends which is causing us to constantly fight.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

Could be. They just seem very weak and prone to backstabbing, picking fights, lying, taking sides and all of that other jazz. I don't want that, it just seems pointless and childish. When one thinks about friendship, they think of happiness and harmony, but I don't see it in this group.

[Niccolò Rossi]

I don't dislike my friends cos of dramas, I dislike them cos they are unreliable/annoying/boring. I don't not like all my friends. But alot of them I do. To be honest, depends what you class as a friend.

I shouldn't, but what you gonna do.

Nic.

[Robespierre Richard]

I think most people get the friends they deserve.

[Niccolò Rossi]

I think most people get the friends they deserve.

Probably.

Nic.

[Die Rote Fahne]

I stopped hanging out with most of my friends when all they wanted to talk about was sex and immature bullshit, smoke weed (which I stopped doing and didn't want to continue doing), talk about sex again, and call my girlfriend a whore, and then think it wouldn't make me mad, and they'd wonder why I wouldn't hang out with them.

Literally, never had an intellectual conversation with any of them.

Being in a small town of a majority of skeets, douchebags (guido wannabees), pillheads and hicks, it's hard to keep friends like that.

I have 2 friends now, and my girlfriend, that I hang out with for the most part. Before it was 6 or 7 people (plus the couple tag alongs that I didn't know too well, usually girls). Yeah, not a lot, but I was an anti-social, socially awkward, never go out to drink or anything teen. Only came out of my shell when I met a girl in late 2009 who i eventually dated, I loosened up, started smoking weed, drinking, and got cheated on by her, which led me to smoking weed daily to cope. Now I'm over her and with my current girlfriend of 9 months. Haven't smoked weed since last September, and that joint was with my current gf.

So, apart from hanging out with those 2 people, one person I chill and game with, have intellectual discussions with. The other I go to the gym with, we go chill out around in his neon like goobers, and basically shoot the shit about WoW, girls, personal shit, people we dislike, and I game with him online. Aside from that, I might spend some time with my girlfriend's friends when they invite the both of us out.

Fuck yeah, suck on that home slices. I can safely say, I hate my old "friends".

[¿Que?]

I can safely say I've burned a lot of bridges in my days. I think you grow up around a certain types of people, and maybe at first, those types resemble the worst aspects of your familial socialization. Maybe you learn to ask yourself important questions along the way - how does this person make me feel. What has this person contributed towards my life, what have I contributed towards theirs? And then you begin to make personal decisions about how to handle situations with certain people based on the answers to those questions.

Hm...

[Pretty Flaco]

Just try to make some new friends. I used to have a lot of friends that brought shitstorms of drama, but I said fuck it.

I like people that are blunt and don't shit with you. Best kind of people. ;)

[Os Cangaceiros]

I dislike my friends sometimes. Then again, I often dislike everyone who I'm in continuous contact with, including my own family.

That doesn't mean that I wouldn't throw down for them, though, if they needed me.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

Just try to make some new friends. I used to have a lot of friends that brought shitstorms of drama, but I said fuck it.

I like people that are blunt and don't shit with you. Best kind of people. ;)
Me too man, I'm surrounded by snidey people that like to gang up on people and fuck them about. I just wanna meet people who are above all of that childish bullshit and just wanna hang out and have a decent discussion, fuck all of this *****iness.


I dislike my friends sometimes. Then again, I often dislike everyone who I'm in continuous contact with, including my own family.

That doesn't mean that I wouldn't throw down for them, though, if they needed me.
I would've said something like this before, but these people seem more interested in fighting with each other than fighting together.

Can't wait to get the hell out of here and meet some decent, intelligent and mature people.

[Bronco]

I know what you mean, my friend "group" or the people that I normally spend my time with is made up of about 20 people of which I probably only really like 6 or 7 of them. I had this realisation the other day when it occured to me that for several of those people I find it hard to actually like them and any conversation I have ends up just being awkward or small talk. So I guess they're not really friends at all. They just have that tag because I spend time with them and feel like I should like them because I've known them a long time but I just feel like I've matured where they havent and I've almost.. outgrown them in a way

[Landsharks eat metal]

During the marching band season in the fall, I definitely came to dislike some of my friends. There were several reasons for that. We spent too much time together. As soon as the season was over, I felt a lot better. Another major reason was that I spread myself too thin. They were freshmen and I was a senior., I used to totally hate freshmen and now felt a compelling need to make up for my past by helping this year's freshmen get comfortable, but the problem was I'm not too great at making or keeping friends. I was one of the first people to actually be nice to them, so they became my friends, but I had to work so hard to keep them and not do things to scare them away like I usually would. It didn't seem like it was worth it. It always seemed to end up being worth it somehow, even if I had to deal with all their annoying drama.

If it doesn't end up being worth it for you, ditch them (but in the nicest way possible: I know what it's like to be randomly abandoned by a friend.)

[Terminator X]

I was once told that I'm "really good at alienating people and driving people away." I don't think it's totally my fault, as I've run into quite a few douches in my day who I thought were my friends, but were unreliable, ended up having really reactionary views on stuff, or just wanted to do drugs constantly (I don't care if people do drugs, but being around people who have to smoke weed before doing ANYTHING, even going to a movie, gets annoying and tiresome).

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I also simply cannot be around people for very long if we differ politically. It is next to impossible for me to separate politics from friendships, because politics form virtually every aspect of your life and how you do things. At least it does to me.

This has led me to have very, very few "close" friends. I don't like opening myself up to people unless I'm damn sure that I can trust them. I have maybe 2 or 3 people who are "close" (other than my wife and kid, of course) - but tons of "arms length" acquaintences who I can grab a beer with from time to time.

Don't get me wrong though, this isn't me wishing I had more close friends. I like my current set-up just fine.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

I was once told that I'm "really good at alienating people and driving people away." I don't think it's totally my fault, as I've run into quite a few douches in my day who I thought were my friends, but were unreliable, ended up having really reactionary views on stuff, or just wanted to do drugs constantly (I don't care if people do drugs, but being around people who have to smoke weed before doing ANYTHING, even going to a movie, gets annoying and tiresome).

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I also simply cannot be around people for very long if we differ politically. It is next to impossible for me to separate politics from friendships, because politics form virtually every aspect of your life and how you do things. At least it does to me.

This has led me to have very, very few "close" friends. I don't like opening myself up to people unless I'm damn sure that I can trust them. I have maybe 2 or 3 people who are "close" (other than my wife and kid, of course) - but tons of "arms length" acquaintences who I can grab a beer with from time to time.

Don't get me wrong though, this isn't me wishing I had more close friends. I like my current set-up just fine.
Sounds a bit more like me dude. I find it hard to tolerate people and I've had the same problem with people who wanna smoke weed all the time too funnily enough.

Sometimes it feels like there's a perceived obligation to have friends but most people get on my nerves in many ways. I feel as if I'd rather live life like a tiger as opposed to some kind of pack animal that is surrounded by other animals that he doesn't like if that makes sense.

[praxis1966]

Me too man, I'm surrounded by snidey people that like to gang up on people and fuck them about. I just wanna meet people who are above all of that childish bullshit and just wanna hang out and have a decent discussion, fuck all of this *****iness.

(emphasis added)

That's a big no, no, Mahmoud. I hate to do it, but I have to issue a verbal warning for discriminatory language.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I would've said something like this before, but these people seem more interested in fighting with each other than fighting together.

Can't wait to get the hell out of here and meet some decent, intelligent and mature people.

I have two core groups of friends: the friends I grew up with, and the friends I have through my work. I was kind of lucky, in that I grew up in a small community* and my friends and I have known each other since, well, since I first started having memories just about. There are probably about ten or so people who I wouldn't see for years and years, and then as soon as I see them again it's like we saw each other yesterday.

The people I'm friends with through work is a whole other set of people...I'm not really as good friends with them as I am with the people in my home area. But I still like them. A couple people have visited my family at our workplace and have been scandalized by the people we associate with, just because a lot of them ar crass, disheveled beer swigging/weed smoking bums :lol: But I know that I'm always welcome around them. It's good to feel like you're part of a community that appreciates you as a part of it, you know?

I don't know. Sometimes I've gotten really angry at my friends. I remember one instance when myself and my two best friends were playing basketball (this was when I was 15 or 16 or something), and one of them got so mad at the other for some reason that he just hauled back and punched the other one right in the face, and they just started wailing on each other lol. But the next day they were laughing together like nothing had ever happened. We're still friends, even though we've backstabbed each other a lot (we've also helped each other out in a lot of tough situations).

*although there are a bunch of things that suck about small communities, too.

[Magón]

I feel the same way sometimes. Only my problem isn't immature friends, though when they're drinking or high enough they can be, but mostly they're overly serious on shit that doesn't even matter, and that's what they focus on. Besides that, they can be decent, but sometimes it's a struggle to deal with them.

That's why I mostly chill with my roommates, who I consider friends, but not like my other friends. They're more balanced out and chill.

[Chambered Word]

Not liking your friends.

Been there. :rolleyes: I can't tell whether my last group of friends actually wanted me around or not, they'll randomly try to start conversations with me now and then but when I sat with them at school it was intensely boring 90% of the time.

There's this one girl (who's the smartest in our year) who seems to act really passive aggressive with me, although usually friendly when we actually talk.

I couldn't be bothered trying to relate to any of them so now I hang around my degenerate friends instead, life's pretty good. :)

[Dumb]

For me, it's always been the other way around - having the friends who don't like me. I'm just kind of dull, really, and my friends put up with me in person when they can't figure out how to get rid of me.

[Thirsty Crow]

Could be. They just seem very weak and prone to backstabbing, picking fights, lying, taking sides and all of that other jazz. I don't want that, it just seems pointless and childish. When one thinks about friendship, they think of happiness and harmony, but I don't see it in this group.
I think that your concrete situation contributed greatly to your overall dislike of the "metaphysical" and "mystical" aura surrounding the concept and phenomenon of firendship.
Backstabbing, picking fights, lying, taking sides, what the hell are you doing? Why still hang around with these people?

[praxis1966]

I think that your concrete situation contributed greatly to your overall dislike of the "metaphysical" and "mystical" aura surrounding the concept and phenomenon of firendship.
Backstabbing, picking fights, lying, taking sides, what the hell are you doing? Why still hang around with these people?

Seriously. It sounds like a whole lotta high school nonsense. I don't know how old Mahmoud is, but if he's still in HS I'd suggest "clique jumping."

[Zealot]

I have this problem mainly due to the fact that my group of friends hardly ever have anything intellectually engaging to say. And believe me, in my country finding someone with anything intelligent to talk about is quite hard but the problem is I've been friends with them since I started school so I'm not about to ditch them. Only a few of them ever interest me in a conversation and they usually have to be high on weed to do that.

[pastradamus]

I wouldnt say I have friends that I hate but rather I have a few friends that piss me off from time to time - I believe this is normal.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

Seriously. It sounds like a whole lotta high school nonsense. I don't know how old Mahmoud is, but if he's still in HS I'd suggest "clique jumping."

Sadly enough I'm 20 and my friends range from 18 to 40+ so its even more pathetic really. I agree with what Menocchio says and maybe I'm just not fortunate enough to have met friends who don't have those negative traits. I'm moving away from here soon though so here's to hoping that I meet some decent, bearable people.

The thing that makes me question the whole nature of friendship is the fact that, of all the groups of friends I've had, the people in this one are the best in terms of their interests and in the sense that they're decent politically and what not. I've had friends that were racist or went off to the army but weirdly enough, they were more tolerable, although looking back I don't miss them any more than I'll miss this bunch in honesty.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

Perhaps there are social factors that mean some people enjoy friendship and others don't - there's a good sociological study in that. Weirdly enough, my best friends have been my brothers and my worst friends have never gotten along with their siblings/not had siblings. Are there any sociological studies on friendship that would be interesting in relation to this thread? I don't imagine friendship is as concrete and fundamental as its made out to be, as with most things. Surely proneness to friendship could have something to do with the way we are socialized in the same way that some people are needy or some people are distant and withdrawn.

[Magón]

You could just be asocial? I've got a friend who's like that. He doesn't necessarily care if we chill or not. We just chill when we do, unlike some of our other friends who are always on about going somewhere or doing something when we don't want to, or just don't want to do anything.

[praxis1966]

Sadly enough I'm 20 and my friends range from 18 to 40+ so its even more pathetic really. I agree with what Menocchio says and maybe I'm just not fortunate enough to have met friends who don't have those negative traits.

Are you from a bit of a small town? Seems like you're going through basically the same thing I did before I left that Deep South backwater on the Gulf Coast of Florida. The population was so small that it seemed like the law of averages was working against me.


I've had friends that were racist or went off to the army but weirdly enough, they were more tolerable, although looking back I don't miss them any more than I'll miss this bunch in honesty.

In my experience, politics are an indicator of character but only to a very limited extent. One of my oldest friends, who recently came all the way down from Alaska to Cali to spend a few days with me, votes Republican and works for fucking BP!:lol: You know, the guys who dumped all that shit all over the cost of my home state? But he's still a decent human being at heart even if his politics are for shit. Hell, he'd probably lay down in traffic for me if he thought it would somehow help me.


Are there any sociological studies on friendship that would be interesting in relation to this thread?

Well, because I like you, I went to the effort of trying to dig something up. It's quite pricey, but if you're really interested it sounds exactly the sort of thing for which you're looking. Link (http://www.sagepub.com/books/Book3310)

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

Yeah I'm from a horrible small town, one of those places where everyone knows everyone and its very difficult to meet new and interesting people. True about politics too, scarily enough I've gotten along with right wingers better than I have lefties - I think that comes down to the fact this is a conservative working class town and I generally get on better with working class people as we have more in common. I think part of the trouble with the people I know is the fact they're quite middle class and make big deals out of really trivial interpersonal shit because they haven't had real struggles in their lives. Generally its hard to give a shit about pointless 'he said, she said' stuff when you've lived in poverty and the like. As I said, I got on with my old friends better, working class people who were straight to the point but sadly had right wing tendencies and some of them ended up in the army so naturally I got out of touch with them.

Thanks for digging up that book too, I'll check it out tomorrow.

[Chambered Word]

For me, it's always been the other way around - having the friends who don't like me. I'm just kind of dull, really, and my friends put up with me in person when they can't figure out how to get rid of me.

I always suspect it's the same with me, even though I'm probably wrong. The bottom line is I couldn't relate to the people I used to hang out with and found their conversations mostly inane.

My advice would be to find someone you can have a good time with, fuck all the other so-called friends.

[The Intransigent Faction]

Lol so I meant to post here and realized I'd posted in a thread above :blushing: anyway, I'll keep this short then:

I've been an "oddball" since I was a kid, with my dual diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome and OCD. I also lost a couple of really close friends when I was a kid, and the sting of that has never really left me.

Since I've been in university, however, I've found some really supportive friends, at least a couple of whom share my difficulties from mental disorders (even though their politics annoy the hell out of me occasionally, and they either make a joke of my views or refuse to listen to reason when they ask for my opinion and I share it honestly). That aside, I tend to stick to this small group of friends, partly because I'm an introvert and partly because I trust them in a way I doubt I could trust others and fee; lucky to know them.

So yeah, enough rambling about me. The point is, there are great friends out there. Sometimes it just takes patience to find them and give them a chance.

[Stand Your Ground]

Don't take your friends for granted. I had the same problem, hanging out with the same people all the time I got somewhat aggravated with them. Which then caused me to make up excuses to not see them, pushing them away, now I don't really have any friends to chill with. :(