The RevLeft Guide to Dating and Relationships

[praxis1966]

So after a protracted discussion in another thread, I've decided to start a new one. If at all possible, I'd love to hear what other people's experiences, questions, concerns are in regard to romantic relationships. What are some of the pitfalls/successes/anxieties that people have experienced? How do you meet people? How did you negotiate the mind-bogglingly difficult business of getting an affirmative for a first date?

This being RevLeft, I'd absolutely love to hear how individuals have managed to avoid negative power dynamics like patriarchy and if they've managed to sustain egalitarianism within a relationship as well as the specific differences people have had in relationships which aren't heteronormative (if any). Also, what are some specific cultural differences that can affect these things?

Also, keep in mind that this isn't Chit-Chat. No cheesy pickup lines or other crassness.

Ok, go!

[NoOneIsIllegal]

Ask her out?
:tt1:
IT'S A TRAP.
:scared:



Don't ask her out?
:unsure:
Regret the rest of your life.
:crying:

[Broletariat]

The way I met my wife.

I was sitting on a bench she walked by and I said, how about you sit on my lap and we talk about the first thing that pops up?

True story, but more seriously.

There's no "guide" you can really make to dating, different people respond to different things, just figure out what they like and go from there.

Avoiding patriarchy and crap seems fairly simple, at least in my case since my SO is fairly confident and strong-willed woman.

[praxis1966]

There's no "guide" you can really make to dating, different people respond to different things, just figure out what they like and go from there.

Right, well, that bit of the title was designed to be a little tongue in cheek. I really just wanted to create a space for people to discuss these things...

[Ocean Seal]

There's no "guide" you can really make to dating, different people respond to different things, just figure out what they like and go from there.

While that is true, I think that having everyone share their experiences would be beneficial.

[tbasherizer]

In my relationships, I've always avoided chivalry while staying polite. If I were walking with my girlfriend, and she got to a door first, for example, I wouldn't rush around her to grab it, or we'd either split restaurant bills or take turns paying entire ones. I suppose that eliminated one

[tbasherizer]

In my relationships, I've always avoided 'chivalry' while staying polite. If I were walking with my girlfriend, and she got to a door first, for example, I wouldn't rush around her to grab it, or we'd either split restaurant bills or take turns paying entire ones. I suppose that eliminated a degree of patriarchy from the relationship, but that wasn't really my express goal. I just think 'chivalry' is stupid. Some people say it's dead. I say 'good'.

[Ocean Seal]

In my relationships, I've always avoided 'chivalry' while staying polite. If I were walking with my girlfriend, and she got to a door first, for example, I wouldn't rush around her to grab it, or we'd either split restaurant bills or take turns paying entire ones. I suppose that eliminated a degree of patriarchy from the relationship, but that wasn't really my express goal. I just think 'chivalry' is stupid. Some people say it's dead. I say 'good'.
I agree with that. However, I'm always slightly disappointed when some girls endorse chivalry, though. I'm glad its on its way out.

[Le Libérer]

Grabs the popcorn, sits back and waits for words of wisdom. :)

[Luisrah]

Oh great, someone made this thread :) I wanted to make one, but I was afraid it would be too mushy lol


Well, I usually get quite nervous when talking to people, but I can control that quite well. The main problem is that, while not trying to soung elitist or superior, I feel like an alien in the place where I live.
I live in a poor, isolated island. Very conservative, religious, etc.
Now, I'm a communist, and I like classical music and books. Since I was little I've been bullied because of that, and people still think less of me too.

The problem is finding someone with similar tastes, not really the dating itself. I usually meet someone, and talk with them a lot if I'm interested.
Usually I start by thinking they are pretty and look for their Facebook page so I can start talking, asking for their number and eventually ask out. But I do that in case I don't know the person and there's no way I can start talking to them.

For example, there was this girl who I thought (and still think lol) was beautiful. But I knew she was dating. I didn't know her, didn't even know her name because we weren't on the same class, I could just see her in school.
Then a friend of mine heard she and her boyfriend broke up. And coincidentally (really) I found her on facebook. I started looking at her page, and she was an avid reader of good books. So I thought ''Heck, why not?''

I added her as a friend, and then started talking. I usually entered with original pickup lines and I remember telling her ''Would you do me a favor? Look at my FB page and tell me how nerdy it looks please.''
(I said that because it was explicit there that I liked philosophy, classical music, politics, etc)
She did that and said ''As a normal girl I'd say it looks a lot, but as myself I'd say it's very nice''

So I knew this was a great girl (atleast in terms of tastes) and we continued to talk for some time, I then got her msn using something like this ''Hey, this facebook window is quite bad, don't you prefer msn?'', to which she agreed and gave her email.
We started talking on MSN and we were getting along very well. One of my friends (that was in her class) told me she said I was great. I was so happy lol

Later I got her number like this: We were having a great conversation about controversial issues (homossexuality, abortion, etc) (and she was all progressive about it which was great and not very common here) and she had to leave the computer and I said ''Oh, but this was so nice, do you really have to leave?'' and she responded with giving me her number.

Around the ends of December I asked her out, but she was a bit busy. How did I ask her out? Simple. It usually depends on the type of girl, but IMO if you feel she talks a lot with you and is interested (gives good responses, laughs with you, etc) you just need to be honest.
We were talking and I just said ''Hey, do you think we should meet?''
She said yes. I was obviously extremely happy.

When we were looking for a time to meet, our schedules were tough. So I said, ''Well, it seems it's either on a saturday or at night, but maybe it's a little too early for that''. She didn't really understand what I meant with that and I said ''Well, I think there is no doubt that I'm interested in you, and maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable with me at night''
She was extremely surprised. I don't know if she was pretending or if she was an innocent fool (lol). She said she thought we were just trying to be friends. Well, we ended up meeting for an hour or so after lunch.

So she was a bit busy and we only went out in January. It was great, we laughed a lot, talked about common interests, etc. I was starting to like her. Like, really liking her.
So in February (I think) after a few weeks of going out I took her to a romantic-ish place. We went near the sea (not that difficult since I live in an island lol) and sat next to each other.
I told her I liked her, that I wanted to be more than friends with her. She was very surprised (again) but she was unsure (and I didn't know why at the time, only later would I know). She told me we didn't know eachother enough yet, not enough to like someone.
And I told her ''You'll never know if you don't try, and if you do try there's 3 things that might happen: either you hate the kiss and send me away, or you don't dislike it but don't want to do it again, or you love it and give me another one right after''

That must have worked, because I got closer and looked her in the eye and said ''May I?'' (looool such a mushy romantic that I am) and she said yes.
I didn't wait, and kissed her. I wanted to give her a polite kiss, not something long or too fancy, just something to make it ''official''.
So I started moving away to end it, and we opened our eyes. She then closed them again and moved in again and we kissed again. (looks like a movie huh? It was implicit she liked the kiss, so she went for another one)
Ok, no more details.

We went back to school and she was very quiet. She didn't want to talk about it. She then became distant and rarely talked to me.
When I asked her what was the problem she said she wasn't ready to date and didn't want to be ready.
I said ok, and asked if we could be just friends and keep going out to which she responded affirmatively. I secretly was going to seduce her.
Some time later, around carnival we went to see a movie. In the movie she put her head on my shoulder. It was really nice, but I hadn't even talked about dating yet.
Outside I said it again, and she told me why she wasn't ready.
Turns out she had had a lot of horrible boyfriends. And I mean horrible. One betrayed her, another told her he didn't like him from one day to the other, another was a control freak, and another one would hit her if she didn't do what he wanted.
I was like :ohmy:

Then I proceeded to tell her I was nothing like any of those guys (and I'm really not) and that she could trust me. Eventually we kissed again, at night, in a garden. It was absolutely romantic, it was great.
She then started to cry and hugged me and told me she couldn't do that and went home.

I was like :(

We continued to talk, and after a lot of months of trying she said we could try it, on baby steps (after showing her I was a great guy). I was so happy. We met in school and we were just like boyfriend and girlfriend for a few days.
Turns out an old friend of her for whom she had some feelings told her he liked her. ''Now that I don't have you, I understand how much I like you'' crap. Dear Jesus I hate that guy lol :lol::(
But here's the tricky part: this guy had a similar story of dating. He had had horrible girlfriends too.
She started dating him because she could trust him because of that.

I was like :crying:
It was horrible. She liked me more (she admitted to imagining having sex with me and not with him), she had more in common with me, and was still with him.
She admitted to having doubts all the time. But I knew it would go away sooner or later (she was seeing him and not seeing me, eventually she'd grow to like him much more)

We kept talking and I was committed to continue to try. Eventually I told her I loved her. Some time later I saw her with her boyfriend. I knew the guy from sight. It was horrible.

A few days ago the guy yelled at her because she couldn't give back affection. (that's just the way she is) and said she had no hope.
She was really angry and came to me to talk. I said the obvious (no one should say that to anyone, and yelling is stupid) She then talked to her aunt (who isn't much older than us) and she said the same thing. Told her to break up with him.

She convinced me she was going to break up with him and that she was starting to get in love with me.
She told him about me and the guy could react in two ways: Either he would get angry or give up on her and leave (and that would make me the winner) or he'd react in a 'good' way and accept it and continue to try and stay with her (which would confirm he really liked her)

Turns out he reacted very well (damn it) and now she is full of doubts again. She told me she is in love with both of us and doesn't know what to do.

She doesn't talk as much as she did when she was convinced she was goint to break up with him. And there are exams happening right now, so it would be impolite to talk about it. But I think she continues to go out with him (although we did meet a few days ago, after a lot of time of no meeting).

I fear that until the end of the exams she will have made up her mind and choose him (again lol :lol::()
I know I should just step away and find someone 'better' that 'deserves me' etc and that I'm just hurting myself, but I love this girl. I have never felt anything like it.

Wish me luck heh

PS: Sorry for the huge post

Edit: Jesus it is really huge :scared:

[Luisrah]

Oh sorry, maybe I got too excited with this thread LOL
I started writing when it was created and there were lots of posts posted while I was writing. :laugh:

[NoOneIsIllegal]

Luisrah, someday I'll come to your tiny ass island and buy you a beer. I think you deserve it. I feel ya.

[Manic Impressive]

I flirt with everyone I don't care who, I don't care if it's your sister, your girlfriend, your wife, your mother, gay men basically everyone around me who might find me attractive and I'll do it in front of you and you'll go oh he's just a flirt but then occasionally someone gets drunk and wants to sleep with me. It's the law of averages.

In relationships I'm distant, hate clingyness, have trouble sharing my emotions and often act distant and I have trouble trusting people.

God I'm such a catch :D

[praxis1966]

Good shit already, people! I just knew we could make love and class war.

[Bronco]

Do people on here ever find their politics is something of a hindrance when it comes to relationships?

[Sam_b]

Hahahaha no way i'm joining in this. Enjoy your crying guys.

[maskerade]

Do people on here ever find their politics is something of a hindrance when it comes to relationships?

yes, my significant other likes to say "shut up you communist". but it doesn't matter too much

[Revolutionair]

Oh great, someone made this thread :) I wanted to make one, but I was afraid it would be too mushy lol


Well, I usually get quite nervous when talking to people, but I can control that quite well. The main problem is that, while not trying to soung elitist or superior, I feel like an alien in the place where I live.
I live in a poor, isolated island. Very conservative, religious, etc.
Now, I'm a communist, and I like classical music and books. Since I was little I've been bullied because of that, and people still think less of me too.

The problem is finding someone with similar tastes, not really the dating itself. I usually meet someone, and talk with them a lot if I'm interested.
Usually I start by thinking they are pretty and look for their Facebook page so I can start talking, asking for their number and eventually ask out. But I do that in case I don't know the person and there's no way I can start talking to them.

For example, there was this girl who I thought (and still think lol) was beautiful. But I knew she was dating. I didn't know her, didn't even know her name because we weren't on the same class, I could just see her in school.
Then a friend of mine heard she and her boyfriend broke up. And coincidentally (really) I found her on facebook. I started looking at her page, and she was an avid reader of good books. So I thought ''Heck, why not?''

I added her as a friend, and then started talking. I usually entered with original pickup lines and I remember telling her ''Would you do me a favor? Look at my FB page and tell me how nerdy it looks please.''
(I said that because it was explicit there that I liked philosophy, classical music, politics, etc)
She did that and said ''As a normal girl I'd say it looks a lot, but as myself I'd say it's very nice''

So I knew this was a great girl (atleast in terms of tastes) and we continued to talk for some time, I then got her msn using something like this ''Hey, this facebook window is quite bad, don't you prefer msn?'', to which she agreed and gave her email.
We started talking on MSN and we were getting along very well. One of my friends (that was in her class) told me she said I was great. I was so happy lol

Later I got her number like this: We were having a great conversation about controversial issues (homossexuality, abortion, etc) (and she was all progressive about it which was great and not very common here) and she had to leave the computer and I said ''Oh, but this was so nice, do you really have to leave?'' and she responded with giving me her number.

Around the ends of December I asked her out, but she was a bit busy. How did I ask her out? Simple. It usually depends on the type of girl, but IMO if you feel she talks a lot with you and is interested (gives good responses, laughs with you, etc) you just need to be honest.
We were talking and I just said ''Hey, do you think we should meet?''
She said yes. I was obviously extremely happy.

When we were looking for a time to meet, our schedules were tough. So I said, ''Well, it seems it's either on a saturday or at night, but maybe it's a little too early for that''. She didn't really understand what I meant with that and I said ''Well, I think there is no doubt that I'm interested in you, and maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable with me at night''
She was extremely surprised. I don't know if she was pretending or if she was an innocent fool (lol). She said she thought we were just trying to be friends. Well, we ended up meeting for an hour or so after lunch.

So she was a bit busy and we only went out in January. It was great, we laughed a lot, talked about common interests, etc. I was starting to like her. Like, really liking her.
So in February (I think) after a few weeks of going out I took her to a romantic-ish place. We went near the sea (not that difficult since I live in an island lol) and sat next to each other.
I told her I liked her, that I wanted to be more than friends with her. She was very surprised (again) but she was unsure (and I didn't know why at the time, only later would I know). She told me we didn't know eachother enough yet, not enough to like someone.
And I told her ''You'll never know if you don't try, and if you do try there's 3 things that might happen: either you hate the kiss and send me away, or you don't dislike it but don't want to do it again, or you love it and give me another one right after''

That must have worked, because I got closer and looked her in the eye and said ''May I?'' (looool such a mushy romantic that I am) and she said yes.
I didn't wait, and kissed her. I wanted to give her a polite kiss, not something long or too fancy, just something to make it ''official''.
So I started moving away to end it, and we opened our eyes. She then closed them again and moved in again and we kissed again. (looks like a movie huh? It was implicit she liked the kiss, so she went for another one)
Ok, no more details.

We went back to school and she was very quiet. She didn't want to talk about it. She then became distant and rarely talked to me.
When I asked her what was the problem she said she wasn't ready to date and didn't want to be ready.
I said ok, and asked if we could be just friends and keep going out to which she responded affirmatively. I secretly was going to seduce her.
Some time later, around carnival we went to see a movie. In the movie she put her head on my shoulder. It was really nice, but I hadn't even talked about dating yet.
Outside I said it again, and she told me why she wasn't ready.
Turns out she had had a lot of horrible boyfriends. And I mean horrible. One betrayed her, another told her he didn't like him from one day to the other, another was a control freak, and another one would hit her if she didn't do what he wanted.
I was like :ohmy:

Then I proceeded to tell her I was nothing like any of those guys (and I'm really not) and that she could trust me. Eventually we kissed again, at night, in a garden. It was absolutely romantic, it was great.
She then started to cry and hugged me and told me she couldn't do that and went home.

I was like :(

We continued to talk, and after a lot of months of trying she said we could try it, on baby steps (after showing her I was a great guy). I was so happy. We met in school and we were just like boyfriend and girlfriend for a few days.
Turns out an old friend of her for whom she had some feelings told her he liked her. ''Now that I don't have you, I understand how much I like you'' crap. Dear Jesus I hate that guy lol :lol::(
But here's the tricky part: this guy had a similar story of dating. He had had horrible girlfriends too.
She started dating him because she could trust him because of that.

I was like :crying:
It was horrible. She liked me more (she admitted to imagining having sex with me and not with him), she had more in common with me, and was still with him.
She admitted to having doubts all the time. But I knew it would go away sooner or later (she was seeing him and not seeing me, eventually she'd grow to like him much more)

We kept talking and I was committed to continue to try. Eventually I told her I loved her. Some time later I saw her with her boyfriend. I knew the guy from sight. It was horrible.

A few days ago the guy yelled at her because she couldn't give back affection. (that's just the way she is) and said she had no hope.
She was really angry and came to me to talk. I said the obvious (no one should say that to anyone, and yelling is stupid) She then talked to her aunt (who isn't much older than us) and she said the same thing. Told her to break up with him.

She convinced me she was going to break up with him and that she was starting to get in love with me.
She told him about me and the guy could react in two ways: Either he would get angry or give up on her and leave (and that would make me the winner) or he'd react in a 'good' way and accept it and continue to try and stay with her (which would confirm he really liked her)

Turns out he reacted very well (damn it) and now she is full of doubts again. She told me she is in love with both of us and doesn't know what to do.

She doesn't talk as much as she did when she was convinced she was goint to break up with him. And there are exams happening right now, so it would be impolite to talk about it. But I think she continues to go out with him (although we did meet a few days ago, after a lot of time of no meeting).

I fear that until the end of the exams she will have made up her mind and choose him (again lol :lol::()
I know I should just step away and find someone 'better' that 'deserves me' etc and that I'm just hurting myself, but I love this girl. I have never felt anything like it.

Wish me luck heh

PS: Sorry for the huge post

Edit: Jesus it is really huge :scared:
I'm going to quote a whole post just to respond with a single sentence.

[thesadmafioso]

Do people on here ever find their politics is something of a hindrance when it comes to relationships?

I don't think I have ever been in a relationship where politics did not cause serious issues. I also have a rather robust record of politics distorting my chances with a multitude of girls before even reaching the point of asking them out or what have you.

Most recently I even managed to fuck up the process of courting a self proclaimed Marxist-Feminist type, though in my defense the title was somewhat hastily applied and not entirely valid. To make the story brief though, I guess it is not a good idea to lecture a potential girlfriend on the finer points of dialectical materialism.

So yes, politics can be quite the hindrance.

[Thirsty Crow]

To make the story brief though, I guess it is not a good idea to lecture a potential girlfriend on the finer points of dialectical materialism.

I think that Rosa is perfect for you.

[Luisrah]

Lol I'm the only one who shared a huge mushy love story? :o

C'mon guys, don't make me be the only one lol

[thesadmafioso]

Well, my story could be made a quite a bit longer. But it's not a huge mushy love story by any measurement, more one of a cascade of social ineptitude. It does involve arguments over Marxist theory though, which is a plus, sort of.

[Cleansing Conspiratorial Revolutionary Flame]

Pretend you're Stalin and there cannot be failure. :lol:

[Pretty Flaco]

I buy the ribbed condoms, for her pleasure.

[tbasherizer]

Do people on here ever find their politics is something of a hindrance when it comes to relationships?


I actually find it to be a plus. I don't come out immediately as a quasi-[anarchist|socialist|communist], but enjoin people in philosophical musings that make me out to be a deep and passionate good person. When they find out that I'm a radical leftist, it just adds to the mystique.

[Magón]

Is getting girlfriends by taking them away from another guy, patriarchal? Because if it is, then I'm SO fucked, and have to perform like whatever the equivalent of a Radical Leftist "Hail Mary", is. 95% of my girlfriends were gotten this way, including the chick I'm going with now. :mellow:

[Luisrah]

Is getting girlfriends by taking them away from another guy, patriarchal? Because if it is, then I'm SO fucked, and have to perform like whatever the equivalent of a Radical Leftist "Hail Mary", is. 95% of my girlfriends were gotten this way, including the chick I'm going with now. :mellow:

It's not. It's like a jungle out there.
Think about this. If a girl chooses to leave her boyfriend to be with you, it was her choice. Of course you worked for it, but if she liked him more, she would stay with him.
If she left him to be with you, it means she likes you more, and you are 'doing her a favor' (meaning: you are making her more happy)

Unless you are one of those guys that pretends to be someone else just to get a girl. That is despicable. I think people should be honest in a relationship.

But lets look at the numbers. If you say 95% are 'stolen' that means you must have had already 20 girflriends. That's 1 girl for each 5% because you can't have half girls lol

On a serious note, don't worry about it. As long as you are honest there is no problem. Now, if you destroy a home, a marriage and a family, that's a different story.

[☭The Revolution☭]

I've always been a pretty romantic individual. All I can say is.... love gives me a headache.

[Luisrah]

I've always been a pretty romantic individual. All I can say is.... love gives me a heartache.

Are you sure it wasn't this you meant?

[OhYesIdid]

Well, Luisrah, let's not pretend a home, a marriage and a family are anything to be proud of, lol.
As for me, I am self-irritating: quite a flirt, but never a partner, which means I can have really nice friendships but never romances. It seems I can only function with a girl up to the point when the tension is too much to bear, for then do I go and fuck it up.

Nin, our hail mary would be changing tendency then coming back.

[Magón]

It's not. It's like a jungle out there.
Think about this. If a girl chooses to leave her boyfriend to be with you, it was her choice. Of course you worked for it, but if she liked him more, she would stay with him.
If she left him to be with you, it means she likes you more, and you are 'doing her a favor' (meaning: you are making her more happy)

Unless you are one of those guys that pretends to be someone else just to get a girl. That is despicable. I think people should be honest in a relationship.

But lets look at the numbers. If you say 95% are 'stolen' that means you must have had already 20 girflriends. That's 1 girl for each 5% because you can't have half girls lol

On a serious note, don't worry about it. As long as you are honest there is no problem. Now, if you destroy a home, a marriage and a family, that's a different story.

Yeah, I wasn't completely serious on whether it was or not, but it's good to know. :cool:


Nin, our hail mary would be changing tendency then coming back.

I think that's harder to do, than actually getting a date. :lol:

[Spawn of Stalin]

Do people really find that potential partners are really that shallow when it comes to political views?

Apart from non-serious girlfriends I had at school (there were many, most lasted under a month), I have been really only been involved with two people in my lifetime...one was for a long time my best friend who pretty much understood my beliefs and accepted them and was even sympathetic to them to a degree, so politics wasn't an issue for the short time she and I attempted to have a more meaningful relationship. The other would be my current partner who I have been with for over eight years now, she was born in China and raised a Communist, we have some very minor political differences so absolutely no problems there.

I just find it hard to imagine meeting someone who I really liked and being totally put off by the fact that she didn't share the same political views as me.

[☭The Revolution☭]

My problem is that I always fall for christians. How I manage this, I have absolutely fucking no idea. So we go for a while, we argue ourselves into being pissed at each other, we break up, realise what we did, and if it was serious, then be heartbroken for a while until it heals up into a scar. Then repeat the process. Sometimes I feel really shallow like that.

[The Teacher]

When I worked and my wife stayed at home with the kids, people said "Its so nice that you LET your wife stay home. When my wife worked and I was a stay at home dad, people looked at me and said, "You lazy bastard! How dare you MAKE your wife work!"

This one-track view of gender roles is still alive and well, at least for a certain generation.

[thesadmafioso]

So yeah, I guess I'll go ahead and provide the full story to my latest endeavor into the world of dating. Any advice or comments would certainly be welcomed.

Ok, so this takes place in a training type context for an internship I am working on this summer. Imagine a slew of awkward type icebreaker activities mixed into endless powerpoint driven presentations over the course of a 12 hour day. Around lunch, they divided us interns into smaller groups for a working lunch. I happened to be left out of the rag tag group circle that emerged, and ended up on the outskirts of the discussion.

Enter female in question. So she just sort of walked up to me and said something about how it looked as if I were lonely. Pretty generic pleasantries are exchanged, but in introducing herself she mentioned something about being a red. From there, I naturally was reduced to a rambling mess in a hasty attempt to flaunt my own commie credentials. So the first conversation I have with this girl is literally about communism. I generally have pretty wretched luck with females as is, and the ones that I do make any progress with are often times not too knowledgeable on this subject.

Everything is progressing along nicely from this point, we have a conversation about out mutual hatred for conservative professors at our respective colleges and we talk about the alienation associated with taking somewhat unpopular political stances in the classroom environment.

After the assorted training is over, the group of interns proceeds to go out to dinner. We just so happen to end up at the same table, and from there we split a pizza. Over dinner, we talk a good bit and things become even more surreal. I name drop a few of my favorite post rock bands and she counters with mentions of additional bands of the same genre, something which is generally a pretty rare occurrence for fans of this sort of music. There is even a moment when we are talking about the Russian language and I make a vague reference to Vladimir Mayakovsky, a Soviet poet, and she somehow guesses that he was the individual to which my incredibly ambiguous remark was directed towards.

So basically, I really didn't think this could of been progressing any better. This trend continues when after I paid for the pizza (due to a mutual lack of smaller denominations of capital) she decides that she is going to pay me back for that by taking me out for coffee. So we walk about for a while trying to find an open coffee shop and inevitably give up the search, but we still have some pretty decent conversations and find even more shared interests.

Following this is another day of training filled with some tension riddled conversations in the same vein as the previous day, we end up sitting next to each other a few times throughout the day, and by its conclusion we exchange numbers.

The next week or so we text back and forth a good bit and talk through a few different chat programs, eventually agreeing to hang out over the weekend at a mutual friends house in the state, as we both are from out of state for this internship. So we watch some movies, and as the night progresses things start to fall apart...

Somehow, she makes mention of the concept involving the destruction of machinery in the first industrial revolution so as to preserve factory jobs. From there, I take up a position of opposition from a perspective of dialectical materialism, explaining how regressive tactics run contrary to the progression of Marxist thought or something to that extent. The conversation from there degrades into one centered around the concept of how I need to 'be more open minded' and how Marxist thought is not absolute. I end up reading a paragraph or two from the manifesto verbatim to support my point on dialectical materialism(don't ask how a copy of the manifesto was at hand), the bit about the various different classes and their evolution throughout history, and from there things just sort of deteriorate further.

Feminism comes up shortly after this, and by this point it's like 3 in the morning and I am sort of rambling about soviet history more so than usual. I talk about abortion was legalized in the RSFSR in 1917 and how feminism is basically just a subset to the grander ideological framework of Marxism. I suppose her feminist tendencies outweighed her Communist sympathies and this was seen as mildly offensive. From there, she proceeds to recommend that I read some feminist theory or something, and I don't exactly open the offer with open arms as it was phrased in a fashion implying a lack of plurality on my understanding of the subject.

So at this point she decides to leave for the evening and mutual friend goes into the house, leaving us alone for a brief period of time. At this point, for reasons which I really can't explain, I decide to actually ask her out. In the process of this, I just awkwardly presented with a theoretical situation wherein I professed my emotions in a blatantly obvious fashion. She refutes me quickly and says something about maybe trying women for a while.

Since then, she has told mutual friend that I was too 'stiff' and 'awkward' in my composure. I have had one incredibly awkward and brief conversation with the two of them present since, and haven't really talked to her since.

I'm sure there are some more details to the actual proceedings of the arguments, but that is the general basis of the story.

Thoughts?

[OhYesIdid]

wow, TSM, it's creepy how similar your situation is to mine a few years back.

However, you're still an idiot, as was I.

Sure, she's a luddite, so what? She's a revisionist, what's the matter? I'm certain that, at some point, you clearly saw either that you could choose between pushing the argument or let it slide, or she pushed it, at which point you could've also let it slide.
By the way, reading from the Manifiesto doesn't help your point that you're not close minded :rolleyes:
I for one cannot stand primitivists: to me, they're almost as bad as nationalists/national-liberationists, which is pretty bad.
Girls like that are rare, I suggest you turn right round, apologize, and agree to hear the rest of her argument. If she's not an idiot, she'll have good reasons to disagree with you, and if she's not a pompous ass, she'll also try to see your point.

[thesadmafioso]

wow, TSM, it's creepy how similar your situation is to mine a few years back.

However, you're still an idiot, as was I.

Sure, she's a luddite, so what? She's a revisionist, what's the matter? I'm certain that, at some point, you clearly saw either that you could choose between pushing the argument or let it slide, or she pushed it, at which point you could've also let it slide.
By the way, reading from the Manifiesto doesn't help your point that you're not close minded :rolleyes:
I for one cannot stand primitivists: to me, they're almost as bad as nationalists/national-liberationists, which is pretty bad.
Girls like that are rare, I suggest you turn right round, apologize, and agree to hear the rest of her argument. If she's not an idiot, she'll have good reasons to disagree with you, and if she's not a pompous ass, she'll also try to see your point.

Yeah, that's basically the conclusion I arrived at the morning after. I tried apologizing the next day and even asked for some feminist reading material as a sign of compromise, but apparently it wasn't enough to repair the situation. She actually talked to mutual friend about how excessive I was in apologizing. At this point she doesn't seem willing to engage in any conversation outside of relevant work related matters, and I really don't want to come off as overbearing.

It's reassuring to know that i'm not the first to fall victim to this cruel sort of situation though.

And the manifesto was only brought into the discussion as the mutual friend happened to have a copy lying around and threw it at me with a demand for citation.

[praxis1966]

I just find it hard to imagine meeting someone who I really liked and being totally put off by the fact that she didn't share the same political views as me.

See, I took the same view for a long time and either dated people who were centrists, center-left, or totally apathetic to the whole situation. I never understood what a difference having a partner who shared my beliefs would make until I found one who did. When you're passionate about something--anything really, could be fucking birdwatching--it always helps if your mate is interested as well. Then again, my current partner describes me as a serial monogamist (I'd find a girlfriend, date her for between 1-3 years, we'd break up and within 6 months I had rebooted the pattern) so I guess I've had more times where it mattered.


When I worked and my wife stayed at home with the kids, people said "Its so nice that you LET your wife stay home. When my wife worked and I was a stay at home dad, people looked at me and said, "You lazy bastard! How dare you MAKE your wife work!"

This one-track view of gender roles is still alive and well, at least for a certain generation.

That's the other thing... I'm unemployed, though not by choice, so I stay at home, clean, cook, that sort of thing. She works. So I guess you could say we subvert patriarchy daily. Anyway, I run into the same sort of thing you're talking about. My male, non-rev friends are all convinced she's going to leave me any day now. They've been convinced of that for like a year.:lol:

[OhYesIdid]

wasn't enough to repair the situation.

Tough break. Here, have another drink, few more pretzels...

[Pretty Flaco]

foreplay beforehand makes them get into the sex more. it's 100% proven by SCIENCE

[praxis1966]

foreplay beforehand makes them get into the sex more. it's 100% proven by SCIENCE

Kindly adhere to both the purpose of this thread and this forum's guidelines. Thanks.

[Leftsolidarity]

I'm going to be going into my senior year in highschool and I've been dating my girlfriend since freshman year. Shitty thing is though is that this last whole school year and the one coming up I will be in Wisconsin when she still lives in Illinois.

I find it crazy that I've stayed with the same girl for so long since before I used to date people for only a month or so. We're each others firsts and onlys for almost everything and plan to move into this house in the city in a little less than a year from now so I'm really excited.

It really helps when your partner holds similar views as you. She's not exactly a self-described communist but she trusts my judgement and when I explain things to her she usually comes to the same conclusions. It's also always awesome to be able to go to protests together and stuff which is always good fun.

Long distance relationships can get really tough though and have almost caused us to split a few times.

My girlfriend also has emotional/anxiety problems and is a little crazy since it runs in her family. If you ever end up dating someone like that have fun because you might have some serious shit storms coming your way. hahaha

To answer your question about patriarchy and all that stuff, it all depends on the couple. Me and my girlfriend have a distain for that mostly but on somethings it is just 'the man's place' or shit like that which doesn't really bother my girlfriend. While I talk politics and stuff with her everyday I try to not politicize our relationship.

[Agnapostate]

Sharing a blunt (or a sack really) is my hood version of a date.

[Susurrus]

Hmm, guess I'll share mine.

Short version: I have until the end of summer to get in shape mentally and physically(not the best looking fellow due to a weakness for the evil capitalist food) in order to be in the running to get the girl. If I do, I have a good chance to.

Slightly longer version/explanation of shorter version: This girl broke up with her boyfriend in the last few months, and has decided to not date anyone until after summer, at least. I've been friends with her for the last year and a half, but we've gotten particularly close within the last two months or so. It's not the traditional friendzone, as I have informed her that I have feelings for her and intend to pursue them after the summer(she's the type of person who is logical about things like this, and is fine with the situation). I am pretty much the stereotypical nice guy, ie polite and thoughtful, but I'm also frank and honest and really socially awkward with few friends. She's the ubersocial, spontaneous, hyper, yet also quite capable of deep thought, sweet and creative type . Says she doesn't know if she has feelings for me yet. Oh, and she's a conservative libertarian, but is perfectly fine with my politics and likes to discuss them.

Any suggestions or such?

[Leftsolidarity]

Hmm, guess I'll share mine.

Short version: I have until the end of summer to get in shape mentally and physically(not the best looking fellow due to a weakness for the evil capitalist food) in order to be in the running to get the girl. If I do, I have a good chance to.

Slightly longer version/explanation of shorter version: This girl broke up with her boyfriend in the last few months, and has decided to not date anyone until after summer, at least. I've been friends with her for the last year and a half, but we've gotten particularly close within the last two months or so. It's not the traditional friendzone, as I have informed her that I have feelings for her and intend to pursue them after the summer(she's the type of person who is logical about things like this, and is fine with the situation). I am pretty much the stereotypical nice guy, ie polite and thoughtful, but I'm also frank and honest and really socially awkward with few friends. She's the ubersocial, spontaneous, hyper, yet also quite capable of deep thought, sweet and creative type . Says she doesn't know if she has feelings for me yet. Oh, and she's a conservative libertarian, but is perfectly fine with my politics and likes to discuss them.

Any suggestions or such?


Get a more positive self perspective. She should date you for your personality and that good stuff. It shouldn't really matter if you aren't a very attractive person. (though getting in shape would be good for you)

She seems like a nice girl and I hope you get to be with her. You might have to consider whether or not you're worried it could ruin your friendship because that does happen. I always thought that wouldn't happen to me but I ended up losing a bestfriend after I had the stupid idea to date her. haha

You might be better friends than lovers.

[Luisrah]

Get a more positive self perspective. She should date you for your personality and that good stuff. It shouldn't really matter if you aren't a very attractive person. (though getting in shape would be good for you)

She seems like a nice girl and I hope you get to be with her. You might have to consider whether or not you're worried it could ruin your friendship because that does happen. I always thought that wouldn't happen to me but I ended up losing a bestfriend after I had the stupid idea to date her. haha

You might be better friends than lovers.

Who knows. I can't imagine love without friendship. To me, a girlfriend is a best friend at the same time.

My advice would be what Leftsolidarity said. Try to lose some weight, or get a new hair cut, shave or let your beard grow (if you are more lucky than me and actually have one). Get a fresh new look, that always gives a good impression.

Or proceed with your plan, I'm just trying to help with little knowledge of the situation :)

[Spawn of Stalin]

See, I took the same view for a long time and either dated people who were centrists, center-left, or totally apathetic to the whole situation. I never understood what a difference having a partner who shared my beliefs would make until I found one who did. When you're passionate about something--anything really, could be fucking birdwatching--it always helps if your mate is interested as well. Then again, my current partner describes me as a serial monogamist (I'd find a girlfriend, date her for between 1-3 years, we'd break up and within 6 months I had rebooted the pattern) so I guess I've had more times where it mattered.
Yeah I suppose I just don't get it because it's such a non-issue for me, I've never had to worry about politics getting in the way of a relationship and I probably never will. But I still really don't understand how politics could be a dealbreaker for some people. Would it be show hard to show them that commies are just normal people? We'd end up in-breeding if we only went for people in our various sects


She seems like a nice girl and I hope you get to be with her. You might have to consider whether or not you're worried it could ruin your friendship because that does happen. I always thought that wouldn't happen to me but I ended up losing a bestfriend after I had the stupid idea to date her. haha
Word. It hurts too, people are generally prepared for intimate relationships ending, it's kind of expected to a degree, but losing a best friend? That really sucks

[Susurrus]

Thanks everyone, good advice. Unless in the course of the relationship it is revealed that she is secretly Hitler, I doubt anything friendship breaking will happen, we're both pretty decent people, and if something like the Hitler possibility happens, would the friendship have been even been a good thing in the first place.

[praxis1966]

But I still really don't understand how politics could be a dealbreaker for some people.

For me it wasn't really a deal breaker. The fact that my partner now is a real leftist does make life easier, though. I mean, it does kind of suck when you start to try to talk about some story in world news and their eyes just glaze over... It kind of makes you doubt how much the other person actually cares about you, not just your politics, because you can tell they're completely not listening...

...Or maybe I've just had some crappy relationships, lol.

[Game Girl]

I agree with that. However, I'm always slightly disappointed when some girls endorse chivalry, though. I'm glad its on its way out.

I usually get the door for someone, mostly because I'm very polite. Though, I don't encourage men to open the door for me just because I'm a woman. I'm very much capable of opening doors myself. :lol:

[Bright Banana Beard]

Wow, I can't believe that you guys are kinda serious on bringing "Revleft edition" on how to date.

[praxis1966]

Wow, I can't believe that you guys are kinda serious on bringing "Revleft edition" on how to date.

Well, as I said on page 1, the title was meant to be tongue in cheek. The real purpose of the thread, as described in the OP, is simply to create a space for people to discuss relationship issues. Think of it like "Pour Your Heart Out" but more focused.

Frankly, I don't think there is any way anyone can create a definitive guide to this sort of thing. However, given the size of our membership, I think if someone's having an issue or facing some struggle in the romance department the odds are fairly good that somebody else here has had almost exactly the same problem. I thought it would be helpful, therefore, for people to be able to discuss how they succeeded or failed in comparable situations...

Finally, I figured that as leftists, we tend to see these things a little differently. To put it another way, most of the relationship manuals out there tend to reinforce patriarchal notions of gender roles and completely neglect the LGBT community a la self-help books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. If you don't want to participate or think it's a bad idea, that's totally your prerogative and I respect that. However, given that a huge portion of what gets discussed in Non-Poli winds up being about romantic entanglements or the lack thereof, it seemed like a good idea to give people a safe and centrally located place to air concerns.

[Leftsolidarity]

But I still really don't understand how politics could be a dealbreaker for some people.


Well for me I think it would be a dealbreaker. I think someone's politics have a good reflection of their character. Also, if you're like me and your house currently is and will continue to be a sort of homebase for local Leftist politics then your partner better be onboard.

[black magick hustla]

people who try to make out of their partner a political guinea pig are losers

[Agnapostate]

Hmm, guess I'll share mine.

Short version: I have until the end of summer to get in shape mentally and physically(not the best looking fellow due to a weakness for the evil capitalist food) in order to be in the running to get the girl. If I do, I have a good chance to.

[...]

Any suggestions or such?

Do interval cardio training (i.e. jogging for a minute and sprinting for thirty seconds or a similar program), to burn fat. I would incorporate supplements, a fat burner and whey protein at a minimum.

[Spawn of Stalin]

Well for me I think it would be a dealbreaker. I think someone's politics have a good reflection of their character.
I would probably agree with you but ignorance and apathy rules these days, and it's by no means the fault of every individual. At risk of sounding like a caller on Alex Jones' radio show, people's political opinions are more often than not controlled by men in suits.

[Susurrus]

Well for me I think it would be a dealbreaker. I think someone's politics have a good reflection of their character.

I think that a lot of people are either raised in an ideology or are ignorant of certain things, and so although they may consider themselves having a certain political view, their core values and/or character may be reflective of a completely different political view, and upon deep thought on the subject or being told certain things they didn't know before, they may change their view based on that. This particularly applies to Americans who don't have a clue what communism is, but associate it with evil.

[Leftsolidarity]

I think that a lot of people are either raised in an ideology or are ignorant of certain things, and so although they may consider themselves having a certain political view, their core values and/or character may be reflective of a completely different political view, and upon deep thought on the subject or being told certain things they didn't know before, they may change their view based on that. This particularly applies to Americans who don't have a clue what communism is, but associate it with evil.

I know and I run into that on an almost daily basis. I'm not talking about what they call themselves but their actual core values.

[Luisrah]

I know and I run into that on an almost daily basis. I'm not talking about what they call themselves but their actual core values.

Well, the girl I'm trying to date says she is in favor of dictatorships and I don't have a problem with that.
First, because I am learning to be more tolerant of such things, and second, because I know her values and I know she is mistaken in saying that.
Everything I have explained to her about communism she has agreed that is good. Only the ''but it really is possible'' is a little bit tricky lol

[Zav]

Do people on here ever find their politics is something of a hindrance when it comes to relationships?
Yes, I definitely do. I am quite passionate about my politics, and am stubborn as hell about them. My first major SO was a Socialist of the Eugene Debbs type, but was an asshole, so it didn't work out. My second is now a member of the U.S. Tea Party. I loved hir, but politics, important to the both of us, caused us to break up. I won't date someone who doesn't give a damn about the world, nor will I date die-hard Authoritarians or fiscal conservatives. Yes, that's very sectarian of me, but it's true. I don't know many Marxists, so I might go out with one, but Stalinists and Maoists are probably out.

[PhoenixAsh]

You know you are in love when he or she cheats several times and you still want to foregive them.

You know you are stupid when you actually do.

[ellipsis]

been with the same women since college, seven years running.

my secret:
1. Don't be an asshole
2. Perform cunnilingus regularly and at length

[Chambered Word]

I agree with maldoror, but it gets to a point where someone's views are just ridiculous that it makes them unattractive. I couldn't date someone who was a total racist, homophobe, sexist or a fascist of some sort. I wouldn't even be friends with the most hardcore ones, especially fash, let alone date them.

[L.A.P.]

I've been meaning to post this for a while. I hooked up with my sister's best friend one night and I must say from the response from her at the time I must have been a champ at it. However, the next morning I felt really strange, it was a mix of guilt, regret, and awkwardness. I kind of feel like I was in a state of shock because I went from a kid who hadn't even kissed a girl to doing everything in one night. I can't really explain because I've never done anything like that before.

[PhoenixAsh]

...also....not matter how sure you are, no matter how much you love your partner....do not, under any circumstances tattoo their name on any part of your body while they are still alive....kids names ok...

partner names lead to this:

http://ugliesttattoos.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/66db0d0e-b6c6-45fe-9ce5-9f089964bd5a.jpg


just so you know.


O...yeah.....and if you do...DON'T be this guy:



http://redalertlive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/break-ups-break-up-day-brenda-tattoo-think-he-was-a-little-c-demotivational-poster-1270938760.jpg

[Leftsolidarity]

I've been meaning to post this for a while. I hooked up with my sister's best friend one night and I must say from the response from her at the time I must have been a champ at it. However, the next morning I felt really strange, it was a mix of guilt, regret, and awkwardness. I kind of feel like I was in a state of shock because I went from a kid who hadn't even kissed a girl to doing everything in one night. I can't really explain because I've never done anything like that before.

*high five* :thumbup1:

[Spawn of Stalin]

I have a tattoo of my partner's initial on the inside of my finger, and she has one of mine. We got them together on a spur of the moment idea to do it when we walked past a tattoo shop. We both had tattoos before so it was no big deal but it's like of important to me.

I never really considered the possibility of us breaking up but if we did I could easily have it lasered to the point where it is at least very faint but saying that I would probably actually just keep it.

I would never let myself get put off by stuff like that Brenda picture because most people aren't so stupid to get a whole back piece of one name.

[Spawn of Stalin]

Congratulations xx1994xx. How does your sister feel about this?

[Leftsolidarity]

...also....not matter how sure you are, no matter how much you love your partner....do not, under any circumstances tattoo their name on any part of your body while they are still alive....kids names ok...

partner names lead to this:

http://ugliesttattoos.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/66db0d0e-b6c6-45fe-9ce5-9f089964bd5a.jpg


just so you know.


O...yeah.....and if you do...DON'T be this guy:



http://redalertlive.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/break-ups-break-up-day-brenda-tattoo-think-he-was-a-little-c-demotivational-poster-1270938760.jpg



I do sort of want to get my girlfriend's name across my ass cheeks though

[L.A.P.]

Congratulations xx1994xx. How does your sister feel about this?

Fortunately, I didn't need to feel bad about the fact that it was my sister's best friend. My sister thought it was funny.

[Luisrah]

Fortunately, I didn't need to feel bad about the fact that it was my sister's best friend. My sister thought it was funny.

Well, if you like the girl it doesn't have to end there.

You already got more than me so be happy about it. :)

[L.A.P.]

Well, if you like the girl it doesn't have to end there

That's the thing, it does end there. I thought about going into relationship but I just can't do it, and she has no emotional attachment to me so no losses.

[Leftsolidarity]

That's the thing, it does end there. I thought about going into relationship but I just can't do it, and she has no emotional attachment to me so no losses.

Or............you could have more sex with her ;)

[The_Outernationalist]

discussing the finer details of my relationship would more than likely result in me getting restricted, so I'll refrain.
However, I can say that we are politically compatible, she hates the same people and things I do, and loves what I love. It's all gravy.

We're at it since high school, now co-habilitating, and we couldn't be happier...I think.

[L.A.P.]

Or............you could have more sex with her ;)

Logically thinking: I won't do it again, it was a one time thing man.
Emotionally hormone-fueled in-the-moment thinking: *pants down* I'm ready.

Which do you think I'll do if I get a chance to do it again?

[Le Libérer]

Logically thinking: I won't do it again, it was a one time thing man.
Emotionally hormone-fueled in-the-moment thinking: *pants down* I'm ready.

Which do you think I'll do if I get a chance to do it again?

Leave it as an awesome first experience and take your new confidence to someone else.

[PhoenixAsh]

discussing the finer details of my relationship would more than likely result in me getting restricted, so I'll refrain.
However, I can say that we are politically compatible, she hates the same people and things I do, and loves what I love. It's all gravy.

We're at it since high school, now co-habilitating, and we couldn't be happier...I think.

So is it very abusive or just a little abusive? Because aparts from that...I don't see a lot of reason to get restricted over talking about your relationship. And now I am curious....

[Leftsolidarity]

Logically thinking: I won't do it again, it was a one time thing man.
Emotionally hormone-fueled in-the-moment thinking: *pants down* I'm ready.

Which do you think I'll do if I get a chance to do it again?


I like to think with my hormones when it comes to my sex with my girlfriend lol

[praxis1966]

Alright, people, keep it classy. I'd hate to lock this thread because of too many wiener jokes.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I'm in love and I sometimes wish I didn't know how to fall in love. Being in love can lead me to do crazy things I wouldn't normally do and tolerate things he does that I wouldn't otherwise tolerate. It's like a smokescreen that triggers euphoria.

[L.A.P.]

Leave it as an awesome first experience and take your new confidence to someone else.

Agreed, after all the confusing feelings settled down I feel like I can conquer the whole fucking world at least in terms of relationships.

tgVNgYXFi_Q

[Luisrah]

Well, I managed to convince her to break up with her boyfriend again.

Take 2, let's see how this works :rolleyes:

[caramelpence]

There is only one piece of advice you ever need for relationships:

DARE TO STRUGGLE, DARE TO WIN

LOVE LIVE THE BRIGHT RED BANNER OF MAO ZEDONG

ALSO EXPRESSED IN PICTORIAL FORM THROUGH THIS:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/regrets.png

[punisa]

Would you say that it is okey to have a bit of break after a very long relationship goes to hell (6 years)?
I feel a bit stupid when all of my friends suggest me that I should be f**** everything now. Yes, I miss sex too... I have several girls who openly said they would like to sleap with me, but I simply can't force myself to enjoy it right away.
Is it such a damn sin to be wanting to be really solo and single for a while? :(
I like to have fun, meet people and would love to spend as much of my time this way.

[tbasherizer]

There is only one piece of advice you ever need for relationships:

DARE TO STRUGGLE, DARE TO WIN

LOVE LIVE THE BRIGHT RED BANNER OF MAO ZEDONG

ALSO EXPRESSED IN PICTORIAL FORM THROUGH THIS:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/regrets.png

Believe it or not, whenever I need inspiration, or get a bit shy, I just ask myself WWMD and read a random passage from the little red book. I admire Mao's endless tenacity, and I find that graphic represents it perfectly. I would thank that post, but I'm on my mobile.

[caramelpence]

Believe it or not, whenever I need inspiration, or get a bit shy, I just ask myself WWMD and read a random passage from the little red book. I admire Mao's endless tenacity, and I find that graphic represents it perfectly. I would thank that post, but I'm on my mobile.

I don't know about asking WWMD, but the thrust (excuse the pun) of my post was perfectly sincere - in love or relationships or whatever, just go for it, life is too short for dithering and wondering what could or should have been.

But yeah, that XKCD post is awesome.

At the risk of contradicting this post and the last, I have a situation where I met a girl a few days ago and thought she was awesome but didn't get to talk to her as much as I would have liked. I had to ask for her number through a friend because I was getting out of town early the next day, and she was happy to give it. I'm going to be out of the country for a while...what I want people's advice on is whether it would be too weird to call her up in a few month's time and to ask her out for dinner - on a casual basis, not asking her to be my girlfriend at the moment. I'm definitely intending to atm but would like some advice on whether that would be too weird or any other thoughts.

[tbasherizer]

Well yeah, what Mao would do in my situation is totally irrelevant. I just envision Mao as one with the "f--- it, just do it" attitude that I need sometimes.

EDIT: In before the infraction!

[Luisrah]

I don't know about asking WWMD, but the thrust (excuse the pun) of my post was perfectly sincere - in love or relationships or whatever, just go for it, life is too short for dithering and wondering what could or should have been.

But yeah, that XKCD post is awesome.

At the risk of contradicting this post and the last, I have a situation where I met a girl a few days ago and thought she was awesome but didn't get to talk to her as much as I would have liked. I had to ask for her number through a friend because I was getting out of town early the next day, and she was happy to give it. I'm going to be out of the country for a while...what I want people's advice on is whether it would be too weird to call her up in a few month's time and to ask her out for dinner - on a casual basis, not asking her to be my girlfriend at the moment. I'm definitely intending to atm but would like some advice on whether that would be too weird or any other thoughts.

Sure. Why not? If you are interested in her and she seems to like you, go for it :)

[Zeus the Moose]

I had a friends with benefits situation with a libertarian for a little while.

Otherwise, every person I've dated has known about my politics, especially since I became a socialist before I started dating; I started flying the Red Flag at 12 and didn't have my first girlfriend until 15. For the most part it hasn't really been one thing or another, though I started dating one girl partially because she considered herself a socialist. That turned into an awkward and depressing relationship, mainly through me going into a deep depression and withdrawing from social life, her becoming overly needy as a result and most of our interactions were us having sex or us fighting. I don't know if she still considers herself a socialist now, but it's certainly an experience against horizontal recruitment.

[Susurrus]

Anarchist Counter-quote!

Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?
Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love. Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king. Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere.
-Emma Goldman

[Matty_UK]

Well, I think I'm in love for the first time in my life. But it's unrequited. *sigh*

It's my best friend's younger sister. There's a bit of an age gap - I'm 23 and she is 19 - but she's very grown up for her age and we get on really well. I've kind of known since she was 13, but in the last couple of years the age gap has gotten to be less of a big deal and she started hanging out with me and her brother a lot more so we became friends in our own right. And then she started going to University in the same city as me so, feeling a little bit protective of this bonny young lass I took it upon myself to help her settle in, show her around and help her out a bit, basically make her feel more at home. Over the course of the year we became very close friends, and by the second semester I would hang out with her one on one perhaps around twice a week and we'd chat for hours about all sorts. But I didn't want to do anything because she is my best mate's little sister. And then she got her first boyfriend and I was surprised to feel a gut wrenching pain in my gut when she told me and I realised that I have feelings for her. A few months on and I've noticed that she has become very beautiful over the last year, more confidence and now has the body of a woman rather than a girl.

So, I've graduated now and I'm back in my hometown, while she still has another 2 more years of university and is London for the summer so I'm not going to see her so regularly from now on. She was back home for a while last week so we decided to have a big day out to say goodbye to each other. We checked out a museum, investigated this food festival going on in my city that day, went for coffee in this neat little cafe, looked at a photography exhibition and checked out the latest exhibitions at this awesome art gallery in my city. Then we embarked on a pub crawl and introduced her to some of my friends at the end of the night. It was a good 13 hours hanging out and it was such a great day, we had a lot of fun and some great stimulating and funny conversations, and I started thinking that she must be the one for me. Honestly, if we ever started going out I can't see how anything could possibly go wrong. I'm already good friends with her entire family, we get on great with each others friends and never tire of one another's company. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I have never felt like that about someone before - sure, I've felt like I've been in love before in past relationships but at the same time there was always some part of me that secretly had no intention of staying in those relationships forever.

So I told her how I feel when I was walking her to the train station. Not quite so explicitly - I didn't want to freak her out - but I just told her that I've come to have quite strong feelings for her and I hope that some day in the future, if we are both single and in the same city at the same time, that we could give it a shot. She gave me the whole "friends" spiel, which I knew she would, (she has a boyfriend after all) but I figured it might be a good thing to implant that idea in her mind, and who knows, it might be more appealing when she's older.

What do you reckon? I'm holding onto the hope that now she is still young and wanting to have a bit of fun and play the field a little but when she's older and looking for something more committed I might be in with a chance. Or have I just been "friend-zoned?"

[praxis1966]

The next time you consider a giant font, photos, and the like carmelpence, please don't. This sort of thing is extremely disruptive.

Consider this a verbal warning, and you may want to review this forum's guidelines (http://www.revleft.com/vb/forum-and-its-t154046/index.html) if you are unclear as to what is and isn't acceptable.

[bailey_187]

just scrolling thru the fred, not really reading u losers stories but i see Mao mentioned? ina dating fred? wha di rass

[praxis1966]

What do you reckon? I'm holding onto the hope that now she is still young and wanting to have a bit of fun and play the field a little but when she's older and looking for something more committed I might be in with a chance. Or have I just been "friend-zoned?"

First of all, great post.:thumbup1: This was exactly the sort of thing I envisioned when starting the thread.

Second of all, I hate to be the one who tells you this, but it does sound like you've been "friend-zoned," at least for the time being. I think you did the right thing in telling her, though. Otherwise you'd really have been left wondering.

I would say this, however. The fact that she's as young as she is (not that your age difference should matter, IMO you're about the right age for one another) would suggest that the odds are unlikely that she's considering settling down anytime soon. In other words, you may still have a shot at some point. I'm reminded of a certain Chris Rock bit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q75jOnQB0BI) which I won't post here, but it may make you feel a bit better to laugh about your situation. I'd have to recommend you move on in the meantime. It's no good waiting to exhale, to borrow a line.

[caramelpence]

The next time you consider a giant font, photos, and the like carmelpence, please don't. This sort of thing is extremely disruptive.

Consider this a verbal warning, and you may want to review this forum's guidelines (http://www.revleft.com/vb/forum-and-its-t154046/index.html) if you are unclear as to what is and isn't acceptable.

What part of my post contravened the guidelines or was disruptive?

[Hexen]

Is there a guide to be sexually promiscuous? Since I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone.

[praxis1966]

What part of my post contravened the guidelines or was disruptive?


...giant font, photos, and the like...

Basically, ask yourself, "Could I get my point across without going crazy with the toolbar?" It falls under the category of disruptive posting. You could've made your point with a normal font and an external link rather than taking up nearly an entire screen.

At the end of the day, though, it's a slap on the wrist. Just take it for what it is and move on.

[caramelpence]

Basically, ask yourself, "Could I get my point across without going crazy with the toolbar?" It falls under the category of disruptive posting.

At the end of the day, though, it's a slap on the wrist. Just take it for what it is and move on.

No, I felt my point needed that extra OOMPH.

[bcbm]

Is there a guide to be sexually promiscuous? Since I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone.

its pretty easy you just have sex with different people and don't be in a relationship with any of them.

[praxis1966]

No, I felt my point needed that extra OOMPH.

Exactly my point. It was designed like a flashing neon sign and therefore disruptive.

Finally, I'd just ask that if you'd like to continue this discussion feel free to PM me. I'll never have a problem clarifying my decisions for anybody, but I don't want to further derail the thread either.

[Decolonize The Left]

Believe it or not, whenever I need inspiration, or get a bit shy, I just ask myself WWMD and read a random passage from the little red book. I admire Mao's endless tenacity, and I find that graphic represents it perfectly. I would thank that post, but I'm on my mobile.

I don't mean to harp on your style, but I'd be super-sketched out if the person I was seeing kept whipping out Mao's little red book when they got shy...

*We're sitting down at the bar and I order a whiskey over ice, I turn to my date: tbasherizer, and say, "what can I get you?"
S/he stops. Looking around, s/he reaches into his/her pocket to produce Mao's little red book. Reading quickly, s/he takes a couple deep breaths, then looks up and says "I'll have a Red Stripe. You know, I always admire Mao's endless tenacity and in this moment I felt as though the sentiment expressed on page 56 was important..."
August has stopped listening and is slowly slinking towards the door where he will run home.*

*August and tbasherizer have had a nice dinner and are getting into 'after-dinner activities' when all of a sudden, half-clothed and somewhat aroused, tbasherizer stops and produces Mao's little red book. Kissing August lightly on the wrist s/he says "can I read you a passage from the second part?"
August slowly puts his shirt back on and backs towards the door."

...just saying..

- August

[Tim Finnegan]

its pretty easy you just have sex with different people and don't be in a relationship with any of them.
Isn't that like suggesting that somebody cure their insomnia by "lying down and going to sleep"? ;)

[bcbm]

Believe it or not, whenever I need inspiration, or get a bit shy, I just ask myself WWMD and read a random passage from the little red book. I admire Mao's endless tenacity, and I find that graphic represents it perfectly. I would thank that post, but I'm on my mobile.

thats kinda weird

[tbasherizer]

Okay, fine! I don't whip out the little red book! I was a few pints past perfect reasoning!

[Zeus the Moose]

I don't mean to harp on your style, but I'd be super-sketched out if the person I was seeing kept whipping out Mao's little red book when they got shy...

*We're sitting down at the bar and I order a whiskey over ice, I turn to my date: tbasherizer, and say, "what can I get you?"
S/he stops. Looking around, s/he reaches into his/her pocket to produce Mao's little red book. Reading quickly, s/he takes a couple deep breaths, then looks up and says "I'll have a Red Stripe. You know, I always admire Mao's endless tenacity and in this moment I felt as though the sentiment expressed on page 56 was important..."
August has stopped listening and is slowly slinking towards the door where he will run home.*

*August and tbasherizer have had a nice dinner and are getting into 'after-dinner activities' when all of a sudden, half-clothed and somewhat aroused, tbasherizer stops and produces Mao's little red book. Kissing August lightly on the wrist s/he says "can I read you a passage from the second part?"
August slowly puts his shirt back on and backs towards the door."

...just saying..

- August

I dunno. I'm turned on. But I'm weird.

[praxis1966]

Well, this thread looks like a failed experiment.

Thread closed due to overall deterioration in the quality of the responses.

Sorry, folks.