Greatest personal anxieties [Archive]

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6th June 2011, 01:45

I don't mean what your phobias are (spiders, heights etc) - or what concepts are scariest (cancer, death, loved one's death) but what do you most fear happening that has a realistic, probable chance of happening in the near to mid-term future?

Loss of jobs, inability to find a job, loss of partner, inability to find a partner, difficulty moving home, difficulty moving on, struggling to get a place at a university, struggling with what to do once you've graduated from university, whether to have children or not, whether to reconnect with a relative or old friend or not...What risks are worth it? How much risk can you stand to take for what you think can make you happy?

What sort of anxiety provoking realistic scenarios that involve both chance and deliberate decisions do you face now?

Post whatever you're working on now, and how you're coping; and hopefully someone else will post suggestions on how to handle it or what to do, or at least offer empathetic understanding.

gorillafuck

6th June 2011, 01:47

I'm afraid that once my close friend who just graduated goes to college across the country, which she'll be doing this september, me and her won't keep in touch.

RedSunRising

6th June 2011, 01:54

gorillafuck

6th June 2011, 01:58

6th June 2011, 01:59

Why would you want to post this sort of stuff for perfect strangers to read? Do you really think this thread is a good idea?

Someone posts stuff in the pour your heart out thread and I want to say all sorts of things to them, but I dont know them and so its not my place, which is kind of frustrating. I mean these things are better left to discuss with people you feel comfortable with and can give you a real response.

As long as you post no personally identifying information (which you should not do anyways) this forum gives people the opportunity to share anonymously (or close to it). It is often easier to share things with perfect strangers precisely because those strangers cannot impact on your social life, their judgments of you have no baring on your life - they can't bring embarrassment in the same way because you don't have the same invested in maintaining high standing in their eyes.

And, if you don't want to do it yourself, no one is forcing you to participate. I am just explaining why some people might like to.

6th June 2011, 02:01

I'm afraid that once my close friend who just graduated goes to college across the country, which she'll be doing this september, me and her won't keep in touch.

Thats a totally understandable concern since that does happen a lot, and it is a real loss...but I also feel like it is something that is totally avoidable with a sufficient amount of effort - you just have to push away any thoughts that continuing to email and phone her is 'intrusive' or whatever and just make sure that you check in enough to stay a part of each others lives. Keep in mind that people also often really enjoy telling their old friends about their new experiences and lives even if their old friends are no longer part of their everyday life.

xub3rn00dlex

6th June 2011, 02:09

Right now I'm dealing with moving on from a relationship that lasted 4 years, but its not going so well. Its been several months, but I haven't been able to really let go. My ex was my best friend, and still is, which maybe a big reason why it is so hard for me.

In the near future, I mostly fear graduating college or grad school ( 3 years from now with a masters in economics ) and not knowing what to do or where to go. How will I find a job scares me, and what's worse is what if my job requires me to go against my beliefs? The future is pretty uncertain for me, and I guess I fear not knowing the most.

In a more far fetched realm, my biggest fear in the future is that of a nuclear holocaust caused by the bourgouisie. It might be way off, but I honestly do find myself wondering whether or not they would resort complete annihilation if a revolution does occur. To what lengths are they willing to go to either protect their assets, or prevent us from accomplishing our movement.

And maybe not everyone will agree with posting your problems in a forum, but sometimes anonymity amongst peers and their support, anonymous as it is, are extremely helpful with coping. Thank you for starting a thread like this :)

Salyut

6th June 2011, 02:52

Loss of jobs, inability to find a job, loss of partner, inability to find a partner, difficulty moving home, difficulty moving on, struggling to get a place at a university, struggling with what to do once you've graduated from university, whether to have children or not, whether to reconnect with a relative or old friend or not.

Pretty much everything on that list. I'm fully aware that I've got at least 4-5 cognitive distortions at play - but I can't seem to do anything about them even as I realize that I'm being effected by them.

I use cannabis on a daily basis. It's helped...a lot.

CommieTroll

6th June 2011, 03:22

I fear being alone, its depressing thinking about it. I have never connected with anyone on an intellectual level or ever met anyone that shares the same views as me. Its frustrating, people rarely agree with me on topics such as music, movies and books let alone politics ore religion even among my own family. Moving on is hard for me too, I have issues with trust and despise betrayal, even with small things, the scars run deep and that is my biggest flaw as a person. Like Salyut I use cannabis to somewhat escape reality or take the pressure off. Thats the situation with me at the moment, life sucks in conservative, catholic Ireland,

black magick hustla

6th June 2011, 03:25

intimacy

sex

dying alone

black magick hustla

6th June 2011, 03:28

i been working on my issues and trying to bite the bullet on a lot of things. ive done some progress in being a bit more open about how i feel about the people i care about there is still progress to be done

#FF0000

6th June 2011, 03:41

CommieTroll

6th June 2011, 03:57

I feel like I'm wasting my life. I haven't written or practiced any instrument for years. I haven't really done much of anything since I graduated high school. I kind of wish I could just leave everything I have here and just go somewhere else.

I'd say a lot of people feel like you do, even I do sometimes. I guess you could get motivated and do something inspirational.
Watching Fight Club always gets me motivated :L

Summerspeaker

6th June 2011, 04:09

I don't feel I have much to lose beyond my health and access to comforts like a shower or bed. Failure at school always looms over my head and infests my dreams, but that opens as many doors as it closers. Continuing to live as a I have frightens me perhaps more than anything.

Die Rote Fahne

6th June 2011, 04:11

Passing my classes in college, getting a job, raising a kid at the age of 20, and on top of it, I am convinced I have bipolar without the manic episodes...fuck sakes haha. Basically, I fear being a failure and being a burden.

Baggage!!! :lol:

xub3rn00dlex

6th June 2011, 04:16

I feel like I'm wasting my life. I haven't written or practiced any instrument for years. I haven't really done much of anything since I graduated high school. I kind of wish I could just leave everything I have here and just go somewhere else.

You're not alone there. I too feel like there's no point to my life, since I haven't accomplished much nor do I feel like I will. I unfortunately don't have access to cannabis like some of you out there, but I've used it in the past and it has helped. Alchohol substituted cannabis as it was more easily available, and I don't want to go down that road again. Even on cannabis I still felt like my life had no direction though.

CommieTroll

6th June 2011, 04:17

I don't feel I have much to lose beyond my health and access to comforts like a shower or bed.

I don't think I could live without my bed or a warm shower, with these two things most things are tolerable.
I love my bed:thumbup1:

Summerspeaker

6th June 2011, 04:28

I don't think I could live without my bed or a warm shower, with these two things most things are tolerable.

I wish I could say the same. I blame Maslow's hierarchy of needs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs). I want to achieve more than just scraping by.

Pretty Flaco

6th June 2011, 04:41

working through college.

Johnny Kerosene

6th June 2011, 04:43

I'm always terribly afraid that if I ask someone out I'll be rejected, and then when I get to the point that I feel like I might succeed, I'm usually pretty good friends with them and I don't want to fuck that up or make it awkward so I don't do it anyway.

CommieTroll

6th June 2011, 05:00

I wish I could say the same. I blame Maslow's hierarchy of needs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs). I want to achieve more than just scraping by.

Everyone does, I was once told in order to do so you must appreciate the smaller things first, I could be wrong but thats just my two cents

Niccolò Rossi

6th June 2011, 05:38

The fallout of me failing my final exam for informatics tommorow

Fucking up my engineering internship interview on Friday

Doing well at the interview and getting the internship, having to move to Newcastle and live by myself for the first time.

Nic.

Os Cangaceiros

6th June 2011, 05:52

I live with just my parents right now. On an island. And there's no one else around. At all. Just me and them. The thought of surviving this situation makes me anxious, because they get on my nerves a lot. And considering the fact that I'm working in the family business which consists of just me and them adds a whole other dynamic to it, because now there's matters of money and other unpleasantries involved.

Os Cangaceiros

6th June 2011, 05:58

Also, sometimes I think that people will think I'm ignorant because I didn't go to college and get a degree. Well, actually I did go to college, and completed two years with fairly good grades, but then I made the mistake of taking some time off and travelling, at which point some matters came up that complicated things and I never went back. It was a pretty good school, too...neither of my parents went to college. I feel like they're disappointed in me. I feel like if I had completed my education I could have something I could point to at least and say, "there, I did something", even if my degree would've been essentially worthless.

#FF0000

6th June 2011, 06:23

I feel like if I had completed my education I could have something I could point to at least and say, "there, I did something", even if my degree would've been essentially worthless.

This is funny because it is the inverse of what I feel. I would love to drop school and travel. I don't care if I go back to school.

I think I'm burn out.

PhoenixAsh

6th June 2011, 06:31

I have been very ill. Had several chemo treatments in the last year. It turns out I am one of the 10% of people who react well to chemo. So unlike other patients...who you see fading when they get their infusion and litterally get sicker and sicker...I did not fade.

I experienced almost all the side effects in a very light and mild manner....considering what others went through. Obviously I lost a lot of strength and was tired all the time. But I was still able to do powerlifting. In fact it was the only thing that kept me going...so I did so everyday.

Nearly half of the patients who I met there and had some form of friendship or bond with during treatments are now gone. Some of them very young and some of them my age. You really get how incredibly vulnerable people are...and how desperate everybody can be to live just another week. I have been to 15 funerals in the last year...all of them below the age of 40....the youngest being a 17 year old girl who had an inoperable brain tumor. She was very brave...she came in and three months later she was gone.

I always went to drink tea with Natasja. She was 27 and had two kids. We used to talk. She always got really, really sick during treatment. It was very rough on her.

I met a girl there and she is seven. She wants to be called Tam, because Tammy is for little girls. She has non-Hodgkin lymfoma and nothing helped. So she is going to die. Not today and not tomorrow. But soon. She has never seen a lion. I don't know why her parents didn't just take her to the zoo. But they didn't. Probably because she was always sick. Tam always laughs. She never cries.

I still come to visit her, Tam, and read her stories or we watch a cartoon or we draw together. I always bring a picture of a lion.

I never want to go back to that place. I avoid the other people I met who are still there. I am perhaps a coward. It is not fair that I don't because I lost many friends in the last year and it gets really lonely. So I know how important it is. But I can't. It hurts too much to keep seeing people die. And I feel so fucking guilty all the time.

I am also terrified it will come back. There is some post treatment involved which requires surgery next year.

I now have to decide if I tell my parents. They are old and not really well themselves. And they worry...a lot. If I tell them they will intervere and get all bussy body one me. They mean well...but I don't need or want that....and they have spend a lot of time raising me. So..they should now worry about themselves. On the other hand. The thing is gone. At least for now. So why would I tell them?

Robespierre Richard

6th June 2011, 15:59

It's frustrating living with bipolar disorder (II) because basically my emotions have almost no connection to my social interactions or anything else. I can seriously be so happy one day that people think I'm on drugs even when I'm not, and just completely distressed the next, unable to get out of my room because I just feel exhausted and in pain. I also can't think my way out of the situations I find myself in because they are entirely "chemical" and I can only find the solution when I have exited the angry/distresses/depressed state I'm in. This ends up being something like having multiple personalities except I consider all of them to be me and not some made up story. I have also had four major mental breakdowns in the past year, each worse than the previous and each one leaving me completely alone with family members unaware of my state. It's also annoying that my psychiatrist despite thinking that I'm really disturbed keeps prescribing SSRIs that in the case of Prozac make me really manic but sedated or in the case of wellbutrin don't do shit. I'm probably better off with one of those psychiatrists who is basically a drug dealer for rich people than with him.

I guess what worries me, at least in the present state, is not knowing the kind of person I'm going to be today and if I will be able to perform socially or if I will be in one of the shitty states. I feel like I am getting progressively worse because of the changes in my personality within the last year and my complete inability to analyze them, as some things have gotten better but others, basic understanding of life that I had before, things such as goals, seem completely gone. I guess I should just get on the lithium train and stop bothering with it, but that's another year or so until I am a functional person again, which is a lot of time.

praxis1966

6th June 2011, 19:54

I just wanted to verbally thank all the users above me, and the ones below who've yet to post, for being courageous enough to talk about these things. It's hard, but it's given me the guts to talk about some situations that gnaw at the pit of my stomach as well.

Just to give the reader's digest version:

I've got a brother with a schizoid personality disorder in state pen on an accessory to robbery beef essentially because he's too trusting and has poor choice in friends. I have a father with bipolar disorder who's decided that self-medicating with alcohol from the moment he wakes up until the moment he passes out at night is the best course of treatment, which incidentally has splintered his 30 marriage with my mother. I have a brother-in-law in the pen for god knows what this time around and nobody can seem to find the sister of mine he's married to. My other sister has a five year old daughter with a guy who's in jail for the 40 millionth time because he can't stop shooting up OC's. That same sister drives 90 miles each direction, once a month, to get to the methadone clinic for treatment for her own oxycontin addiction.

I left all this for Austin (I don't live there any longer) to live with a friend who was the closest thing to a big brother I've ever had (I'm the oldest of four siblings) whose father had passed just before I moved in. Four or five months after I moved in, his grief stricken mother had a mental breakdown and he had to go to Virginia to have her forcibly committed. While he was there, he (we think) accidentally on purpose ODed and died. A month after that, my favorite uncle (on my dad's side) was putzing around St. Augustine on a Vespa and was killed by a distracted driver... I missed his funeral because his wife only called one relative and that relative (whom I now hate) didn't bother to call anyone until it was too late.

So here I sit, over 2000 miles from my hometown, and there's not a day that goes by where I don't feel at least a little bit like I abandoned my niece and mom... I was the one who protected them from the rest of the family when the shit hit the fan, and it often did, back in the old days.
I never want to go back to that place. I avoid the other people I met who are still there. I am perhaps a coward. It is not fair that I don't because I lost many friends in the last year and it gets really lonely. So I know how important it is. But I can't. It hurts too much to keep seeing people die. And I feel so fucking guilty all the time.

You listen to me and you listen good: Don't you dare feel fucking guilty. People like you and Tam and all the rest always have and always will be heroes to me for facing down something so terrifying and somehow retaining your humanity. The way this shit works is happenstance pure and simple and you can only deal with it the best way you know how for your own welfare. You keep your head up and remember that there are people like me out here cheering for you. Are you reading me, soldier?

Rusty Shackleford

6th June 2011, 23:58

not finding full time employment. without that, i only pull in $320 tops every 2 weeks of work. and that is a rarity. if i could have full time, i could be getting about $500 every 2 weeks. and full time right now is lookin like 32 hrs a week at 8.00 minimum.

¿Que?

7th June 2011, 23:12

Luisrah

7th June 2011, 23:56

Sometimes I get an insufficiently deterministic view of the world which results in a lot of self blame and psychic self flagellation. Ironically, when I feel this way, I usually boomerang back towards an external cause to my decisions. I always wonder by what I am being influenced. And then, of course, if influence is a done deal, or if I can overcome it. But currently, it seems no, because I tend to repeat a lot of past mistakes.

I get that a lot too. I have a sort of inferiority issues, but I always think it's not my fault, since all that I am is because of cultural, genetical etc, influences. But what's contradictory is that eventhough I think it's not my fault, I hate myself for being lazy and not being better than I am, because I know I could be. I always feel what I do isn't enough, and that other people do it easily. Everyone is better than me at most things.

Then because of that I have social anxiety. It's hard for me to make friends because I'm difficult to like, and I am picky about friends and dates.
I also am very afraid to stand out in public, because I always imagine everyone (that are better than me) thinking ''who the hell is that guy, thinking he's so good/cool/smart?''

Decolonize The Left

8th June 2011, 00:00

Sometimes I get an insufficiently deterministic view of the world which results in a lot of self blame and psychic self flagellation. Ironically, when I feel this way, I usually boomerang back towards an external cause to my decisions. I always wonder by what I am being influenced. And then, of course, if influence is a done deal, or if I can overcome it. But currently, it seems no, because I tend to repeat a lot of past mistakes.

Who cares why you make the decisions you do? The point isn't whether or not your decisions are determined or of free will, the point is what decisions you're making and how you are making them.

Also this philosophical psycho-babble about free will serves no purpose and always leads to depression (take it from me, I've been there). You need to stop thinking about thinking about your decisions and live.

- August

¿Que?

8th June 2011, 00:11

It's worth discussing, because it helps to situate the individual as a member of the human race, who has to contend with the human condition, which is, in some sense, the freedom to make wrong decisions. And I say wrong, because there is always some sort of self or externally imposed set of values that make a decision "wrong" or "right." You might see it as I do, as something pertaining to health and well being, whereas it may be a moral/ethical problem as well.

This sort of thinking leads to depression only because it reveals some basic existential realities, that we choose to ignore, in order to "live." And what does that mean, in any case. We again have to impose a value judgment on our decisions.

And since we are discussing anxieties, I may as well share that my anxieties are strictly about death in some concealed form or another.

Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk

8th June 2011, 00:20

Quail

8th June 2011, 00:26

I generally have the anxiety of not living up to my own expectations, whether that's doing well at uni or in other areas of my life. I also worry that my mental health is never going to get any better and I'll feel like this forever and I'll have even more physical complications to deal with. I think the worst thing is knowing that I'm the one that has to work hard and make changes to improve, but feeling as though I can't.

Robespierre Richard

8th June 2011, 03:09

xub3rn00dlex

8th June 2011, 04:20

terrified that i wont meet my uni offer. deeply affraid of being stuck in the dump of a town i grew up in for the rest of my life. anxious about meeting women too in the sense that its getting difficult and my love life is dominated by pushy, needy people that i am not interested in but don't have the heart to tell that. not big deals, uni is the main thing - if i get that, i'll be completely content.

You need to find a way to tell them that, not blatantly but rather calmly and maturely. Trust me, I've been there and learned the hard way about this. If the people who are overbearing you truly care, they will understand, and will work with you to better your life. Call them, meet them, do something that will work for you best, but not come out as rude. Sometimes writing a letter would help get your feelings out, and after revision, send it and offer to meet up with them to explain further.

Kuppo Shakur

8th June 2011, 22:58

Fuckin Global Thermonuclear War.

Dumb

9th June 2011, 01:49

I'm not quite sure how to articulate my anxieties without sounding like a whiner and a wuss, but this review for the Local H album "As Good As Dead" (http://www.allmusic.com/album/as-good-as-dead-r233557/review) pretty much captures where I'm at these days - particularly the line "a litany of bitterness over a life that's being wasted before your very eyes."

PhoenixAsh

10th June 2011, 16:14

An update to my above post. I got some disastrous news.

Tam slipped in a coma this morning due to neurological impairment caused by acute hyponatremia.

The doctor explained to me that Hyponatremia is, if I remember correctly, a disfunction which is caused by severely reduced sodium levels in the serum because of increased fluid levels. This was unfortunately unnoticed because the symptoms that come with this are identical to the symptoms which are associated with chemo therapy....such as vomitting, diarehea, headache, loss of apetite, muscle weakness...and then...eventually loss of consciousness and coma.

Tam went to bed after a chemo session this morning and seemed to be sleeping lying very peaceful in her bed. But when her mother came to visit she didn't wake up.

They have Tam on life support and they are trying to get her back. But they do not know if it will work since she was already very weak and frail and the think the chances are slim. And if it works the question is if there has been brain damage and how this will affect her life expectance which is already very short. They have said that we should be prepared for more uncomfortable news...and I do not know what that really means in the circumstances.

I got the call just two hours ago because her parents apparantly listed me as a person to contact. Which I am so gratefull for. I could not go to see her immediately. Tams mother was in the hallway and for once she was not crying, like she always did. She was totally calm and detached from the situation as if not really experiencing it yet. She was talking with me like I was not really there and was wondering aloud if she should keep Tam on life support or not. I told her I don't know what the right course of action is and that I can not help make that awful decision but that I would support whatever they decided and would help in any way I could.

I did get to visited Tam but there was not much time because they have to do a lot of procedures and examinations for the treatment. So I had five minutes to hold her hand...and talk to her. I didn't know what to say. So I talked about butterflies. I don't know why. It just seemed like the thing to do really. I should have talked about lions. She likes those.

I am going again later this evening. When things quiet down. I will read her a lion story or I will make one up. I will hold her hand. And I will tell her that I love her and that she made my life so much better for knowing her.

I don't know what will happen. But I am telling you this because I need to get it of my chest. I am also telling you this because when these things happen you realise how simple things in life can make a lot of difference eventhough they may seem small and insignificant. I can't help thinking that we need to enjoy small things more...and also not waste too much time on pipe dreams or illusions. Don't put the fun things off unless you absolutely have to. Try to do the things you want to do and enjoy it as much as you can and see the things you want to see...before they become a regret. Go see the lions in the zoo.

Tam got that better than anybody. I don't know if it was conscious or if it was because she didn't know any better. But she did. She was always positive. Always optimistic and always cheerful. I know she cried and was sad sometimes. But she is a trooper and she is incredibly brave.

I am sorry for the sad depressing story guys and gals. Take away from it what you want and need.

praxis1966

10th June 2011, 17:21

I am sorry for the sad depressing story guys and gals. Take away from it what you want and need.

It needed to be said, mate. This isn't directed at anybody here, but sometimes people get to pitying themselves and mope about all the insignificant things and need to be reminded what real problems look like. Not only that, but you needed to say it for yourself as well.

I know you're feeling beaten up and helpless right now, but believe me, you've already done a shitload of good. How the hell do you think you wound up on the contact list anyway? Not for nothing, but I'm sure just your presence is helping Tam and her parents as well. And for chrissakes, man, call your mom. I know you said you didn't wanna burden them about yourself, but you can tell her about this at least. That's what moms are for.

TheGodlessUtopian

11th June 2011, 16:41

Anxieties/phobias: Spiders, talking with people, loneliness.

Die Rote Fahne

12th June 2011, 01:10

Anxieties/phobias: Spiders, talking with people, loneliness.

I'm with ya. Except for lonliness.

MarxSchmarx

18th June 2011, 05:15

Medium term, I think a big one is getting a reasonably secure job. I've been able to find work in my area long enough and the pay has been fine, but there's no real job security. It makes settling down impossible, and it's scary how common this experience is among the people I work with.

Rusty Shackleford

18th June 2011, 09:34

dealing with this traffic violation will be the death of me.

i cant pay bail so i cant contest the violation. and if i had failed to send a letter today to the court pleading no contest to the violation, another $600 would have been tacked onto the bill. I could have handled it better if i didnt get ticketed in a county that is 1.5 hrs away!

RedRise

18th June 2011, 10:49

thesadmafioso

18th June 2011, 18:55

I have heard some mixed reviews of that whole death thing, not so sure what to think of that.

The bits leading up to it can be quite draining as well.

Thirsty Crow

18th June 2011, 19:04

My dream is to become an author (fiction) so I suppose my deepest running fear is that my books will fail because nobody likes my beloved stories.:crying:
My ultimate phobia is a life of boredom/not doing anything worthwhile.
Once upon a time, I also entertained a notion like this one. Except for the fact that I feared indifference and absolutely loathed the lack of reading practice which can be perceived quite easily when it comes to my cultural surroundings.

I've gotten over it, both things in a sense. Though, I do still write sometimes. But I'm not overly worried about being published.

Right now, I have to say that job prospects is what worries me the most, especially given the fact that my parents are faced with enormous problems. Being retired in a country where you'll enjoy your 300 USD of pension, while the average wage runs up to 1100 USD, is not pretty.

I also dread my personal tendency towards idleness.

MarxSchmarx

20th June 2011, 03:33

My dream is to become an author (fiction) so I suppose my deepest running fear is that my books will fail because nobody likes my beloved stories.:crying:
My ultimate phobia is a life of boredom/not doing anything worthwhile.

BTW, there's a "creative writing" thread here on film and lit:

http://www.revleft.com/vb/creative-writing-thread-t60563/index12.html

most of it is verse but you should totally post some of your stuff there!

Catmatic Leftist

20th June 2011, 03:40

One of my greatest personal anxieties is getting over past MAJOR blunders and just keeping my head up straight and standing tall and being confident.

ellipsis

20th June 2011, 04:34

I worry what modding this forum says about me and my life...

praxis1966

20th June 2011, 08:10

I worry what modding this forum says about me and my life...

You and I both.