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L.A.P.
3rd June 2011, 02:27
I was assigned to write an essay as to whether students are over tested or not as my final exam and he plans on sending in the essays as his protests against the overt amount of standardized testing in my school. Just so you don't get confused, the two schools mentioned are Gulf Coast High and Golden Gate High. I used to and will be going back to the former and currently attend the latter. Gulf Coast is your typical school filled with petty bourgeois European-American kids while Golden Gate is your typical school filled with proletarian African-American and Hispanic-American kids.



Throughout this year in two different schools, Gulf Coast and Golden Gate, it has become apparent that students in Collier County students are being incredibly over tested. Students in Golden Gate High School have been especially been over tested as being used as guinea pigs for the county to tests out any new idea for a standardized tests they come up with. Whether it is practice SAT, ACT, FCAT, and several other standardized tests that can’t even be named because there were so many of them, most of them were complete bullshit.

Students can understand having to take the practice SAT and ACT as they are important tests that will determine a lot about what universities or colleges you can go to even though there is a lot to criticize even about these tests. And students can tolerate taking the FCAT despite it being considered a joke by most academic institutions and simply being ineffectual in being a project to raise the education standards of Florida, a state that is known for being very poor in education even in comparison with the rest of the United States. However, it is almost degrading how Collier County chooses to use the students of Golden Gate High School as test subjects on their redundant standardized tests that won’t really contribute anything to a child’s education at all. Names can not even be given to refer to the several different tests these students have to take and they only take time out of the day that could be spent actually giving these kids an education. It’s suggested that the school administration has nearly given up on the students of Golden Gate by testing out these new online and standardized tests but never testing them on the students of a school with a higher reputation such as Gulf Coast. It’s almost as if they think “Got a new idea for the next big test we give? Just give it to the Golden Gate kids and see how they do, it’s not like they’re doing anything else.” It is clear to any student in Golden Gate that they get the brunt of these tests because Golden Gate is considered the bottom of the totem pole and wasting their time doesn’t matter as much as wasting the time of a student in Gulf Coast. In a way, it’s part of the many things that lower the morale of the student body of Golden Gate High School thus causing them to perform even more poorly and the blame should be directly pointed towards the irresponsibility and out-right classism of the Collier County Public School Administration. It has become more than obvious that Collier County simply has no interest at helping the students in Golden Gate as much as they help the students in schools with a demographic of upper middle class kids such as Gulf Coast. Collier County doesn’t care about Golden Gate because they perform poorly but Golden Gate performs poorly because Collier County doesn’t care about them. This is the tragic circular logic that they have and the constant testing can not change this.

In closure of this essay, the constant tests on the students of Golden Gate High School as if they were lab rats won’t help their academic achievements or make them gain any more knowledge. This is because they root of the problem is not in the students nor in the teachers but in the very administration that runs the school board. Their lack of interest and classism against students from working class backgrounds but rather simply leaving them behind should be absolutely unacceptable. If anyone should be tested for evaluation on performance, it should be the bureaucrats themselves.

Tell me what you think.

bezdomni
3rd June 2011, 02:31
Students (in the U.S., at least) are over-tested and under-educated.

thesadmafioso
3rd June 2011, 02:39
Wait, this is an academic essay?

Alright then, first off you need to cut the vulgarity. This isn't revleft or some other internet message board, you are only depriving your work of legitimacy. Quite a few sentences could stand to be reworked as well, as you seem to have some instances where the wording is bulky or simply does not flow well. In addition to this, I can see quite a few instances of fragmented sentences wherein points and subjects seem to be poorly integrated.

Don't start your conclusion by saying that you are starting your conclusion, it is unnecessary and just bogs down the pace of your writing.

I mean, your general thesis is solid enough, it just could be conveyed in a more refined manner. The inclusion of some hard empirical evidence to support your claims would be a good idea to achieve this, along with the aforementioned delivery issues. I'm sure you could find a few relevant studies which display the ineffectual nature of excessive standardized testing.

If you want specific examples of my critiques and suggestions to remedy them, I would be willing to provide such.

L.A.P.
3rd June 2011, 02:51
I totally agree with all of your criticisms but this is just a casual essay for regular English. I was doing my thesis paper at the same time I was doing this in which I did all the following you said but this isn't really supposed to be an academic essay, in fact, I'm supposed to base the body of my essay (2nd paragraph) off of personal experience. It's supposed to be more like an editorial opinion type of paper.

Zav
3rd June 2011, 03:01
In the U.S., where I had the displeasure of being "educated", students are tested for the efficiency of their teachers, and spend the course preparing for such testing, and can only spit back useless information the State thinks is important, and have no idea how to apply knowledge outside of school, and soon forget what little they have learned, all thanks to Bush's No Child Left Behind (rather No Child Shall Learn) legislation.

If we at RevLeft still had our 29000 members, we could possibly put enough money and labor together to start a non-political, non-military, anti-nationalist free school somewhere (such as in Anarchist Catalonia).

thesadmafioso
3rd June 2011, 03:12
I was not aware that such a thing as a 'casual essay' existed.

Editorial or not, you still have a few instances where the structure of the essay literally interferes with its content.


Whether it is practice SAT, ACT, FCAT, and several other standardized tests that can’t even be named because there were so many of them, most of them were complete bullshit.

The multitude of tests doesn't really justify this extended mention, you would be better of shortening this to " and nameless others". More importantly though, there is a glaring confusion in regards to tense here. You switch from present to past tense mid sentence, which really isn't really advisable.


Their lack of interest and classism against students from working class backgrounds but rather simply leaving them behind should be absolutely unacceptable.

Here you meld two separate thoughts here with a transition that actually damages the sentence to a point where it becomes unreadable. Even if this is a casual essay, there is no reason something like this shouldn't be corrected.


In closure of this essay, the constant tests on the students of Golden Gate High School as if they were lab rats won’t help their academic achievements or make them gain any more knowledge.

As I already said, you really should drop the closure bit. Identifying your conclusion as your conclusion is completely unnecessary and it only serves a purpose as a redundant transition phrase. Regardless of intended tone, it is simply poor writing. But the more notable error here is once more in tense, you start in the present with 'tests on' and then switch to future with 'won't help' and 'make them'. The placement and wording of the lab rats metaphor is sort of awkward as well, I would suggest something more along the lines of 'The lab rat mentality applied to the students of [school name here] only damages their capacity for learning...'.

So yeah, this would really be improved as a piece if you even just altered some of the more readily apparent errors in sentence structure and tense confusion.

¿Que?
3rd June 2011, 04:21
tl:dr

Fix the grammar, keep the vulgarity :)

L.A.P.
3rd June 2011, 15:27
It was due the night I typed it so it's not tht great and I kind of just winged it.


I was not aware that such a thing as a 'casual essay' existed.

It does when you're in high school.

CleverTitle
3rd June 2011, 15:45
Testing is definitely a part of it. In Indiana, the solution (according to the government) is to constantly raise standards. It's been particularly bad in recent years, and is clearly putting a lot of stress on students, particularly younger ones. It's depressing, honestly.

Desperado
6th June 2011, 22:43
Are you asking whether students are over-tested full stop, or whether they are over-tested even for capitalism?

manic expression
6th June 2011, 22:52
Adding to what everyone's said about High School, the effects of this are very apparent in college classrooms, too. Even "elite" institutions are filled with students who know how to game a professor to get an "A" but can't hold an intelligent conversation about the topics they're writing essays about. The students who "succeed" in the system learn how to be students, but they don't necessarily learn all that much in the process.

Comrade_Oscar
6th June 2011, 23:04
We are over tested but we are tested in the wrong way. Our test are 100% memorization and we never actually learn the material. If we were tested in ways that actually make us think then our education system will be much better.

Ocean Seal
6th June 2011, 23:14
Throughout this year in two different schools, Gulf Coast and Golden Gate, it has become apparent that students in Collier County students are being incredibly over tested. Students in Golden Gate High School have been especially been over tested
INSERT ,
*REMOVE as being used as guinea pigs for the county
INSERT
being used as guinea pigs

to *REMOVE the red + underline tests out any new idea for a standardized tests they come up with.



*REMOVE
Whether it is practice SAT, ACT, FCAT, and several other standardized tests that can’t even be named because there were so many of them, most of them were complete bullshit.

*INSERT
Practice SAT, ACT, and FCAT tests were administered among many others too numerous to name. [CONCLUDING SENTENCE]

Students can understand having to take the practice SAT and ACT as they are important tests that will determine a lot about what universities or colleges *REMOVE you
*INSERT they
can go to even though there is a lot to criticize even about these tests. And students can tolerate taking the FCAT despite it
*REMOVE being considered a joke
*INSERT not being considered seriously
by most academic institutions and simply being ineffectual
*REMOVE in being a project to raise the education standards of Florida
*INSERT in raising the education standards of Florida
, a state that is known for
*REMOVE
being very poor in education
*INSERT
poor educationeven in comparison with the rest of the United States. However, it is almost degrading how Collier County chooses to use the students of Golden Gate High School as test subjects on their redundant standardized tests that won’t really contribute anything to a child’s education at all.
*This sentence is somewhat confusing
Names can not even be given to refer to the several different tests these students have to take and they only take time out of the day that could be spent actually giving these kids an education.

It’s suggested that the school administration has nearly given up on the students of Golden Gate by testing out these new online and standardized tests but never testing them on the students of a school with a higher reputation such as Gulf Coast.


It’s almost as if they think

*REMOVE
“Got a new idea for the next big test we give? Just give it to the Golden Gate kids and see how they do, it’s not like they’re doing anything else.”
*INSERT
that they can give any exam to Golden Gate students simply because they don't have anything else to do.

It is clear to any student in Golden Gate that they get the brunt of these tests because Golden Gate is considered the bottom of the totem pole and wasting their time doesn’t matter as much
*REMOVE as wasting
the time of a student in Gulf Coast. In a way, it’s
*REMOVE part
*INSERT one
of the many things that lower the morale of the student body of Golden Gate High School
and causinges them to perform even more poorly
*INSERT
.
*REMOVE
and

RED-REMOVE
BLUE-ADD
tThe blame should be directly pointed towards the irresponsibility and out-right classism of the Collier County Public School Administration. It has become more than obvious that Collier County simply has no interest at helping the students in Golden Gate as much as they help the students in schools with a demographic of upper middle class kids such as Gulf Coast. Collier County doesn’t care about Golden Gate because they perform poorly but Golden Gate performs poorly because Collier County doesn’t care about them. This is the tragic circular logic that they have and the constant testing can not change this.

In closure of this essay, the constant tests on the students of Golden Gate High School as if they were lab rats won’t help their academic achievements or make them gain any more knowledge. This is because they root of the problem is not in the students nor in the teachers but in the very administration that runs the school board. Their lack of interest and classism against students from working class backgrounds but rather simply leaving them behind should be is absolutely unacceptable. They cannot simply leave them behind. If anyone should be tested for evaluation on performance, it should be the bureaucrats themselves.

Ocean Seal
6th June 2011, 23:16
It was due the night I typed it so it's not tht great and I kind of just winged it.



It does when you're in high school.
Aww man. I guess my edits don't help much now :(. In any case you made several good points but just watch grammar.

L.A.P.
8th June 2011, 01:25
Aww man. I guess my edits don't help much now :(. In any case you made several good points but just watch grammar.

Unfortunately I had to write in a hurry so I couldn't even add much substance. I just thought the content would have been interesting.

Taikand
8th June 2011, 20:03
You're joking?SAT is bollocks, I've had tests harder than your american SAT in the 8th grade.