looking people in the eye.

[Princess Luna]

for some reason i can't do it, I know its something i have to get over but it feels "dirty" like i am looking into someone else's soul. Has anybody else had this problem, and how do you get over it?

[Dunk]

Do you mean with strangers, or even with friends and family? With strangers, it's normal, especially if you grew up in a city.

[Tablo]

It can feel kinda weird sometimes, but my dad raised me to always look someone in the eye when having a conversation. It actually only feels weird when they seem uncomfortable... I don't know. I don't understand any of the weird shit in any culture.

[Die Rote Fahne]

I used to try not to look people in the eye, but I made a conscious effort and now I do it. Although, I can't keep contact more than 5 seconds at a time, unless im really close to the person (girlfriend, dad, brother).

I don't know why. Possibly stems from my anti-social and socially awkward teen years :/.

[Princess Luna]

Do you mean with strangers, or even with friends and family? With strangers, it's normal, especially if you grew up in a city.
I can't do it with anybody, be it family, friends, strangers, and (maybe worst of all) people who i am interviewing for a job.

[Smyg]

I can't, really. Asperger's fucked me up. :crying:

[Rjevan]

I used to avoid looking people in the eye when I was a child but luckily our family doctor unintentionally solved that problem for me. That man stares at you with such an intense glare that I finally asked my mother what the hell is wrong with him. She replied that he's putting great emphasis on eye contact and thinks that averting your eyes mean that you have a bad conscience and feel kinda dirty. As that wasn't the reason for my non-eye contact at all I decided to stand his glare to prove that I have no dirty secrets to hide - and believe me, if you've managed to get to the point where you can stand his glare for more than 3 seconds you'll never have any problems again looking "ordinary people" in the eye as long as you like! :lol:

So practice does the trick, I guess.

[Dumb]

When somebody annoys me, I manipulate eye contact accordingly: if they're an authority figure, I'll just look around in random directions; otherwise, I practically stare at the person's eyeballs.

If somebody doesn't annoy me, I tend to go back and forth between the person's eyes and the person's mouth.

[PhoenixAsh]

There are ways to look people in the eyes....or better...face

Its important to establish eye contact for making a connection. But the way you do it defines the connection.

We do not stare or keep our gaze established at their eyes too long. It makes people uncomfortable....and its interpreted by the brain as a sign of invasion and even aggression.

Instead you need to let your eyes shift across the face...not to much...because it comes off as being nervous and jumpy....and away from the face. Which is absolutely ok.

You look either between the two eyes....or the triangle eye-mout-eye...which is a sign someboy is listening and interested. Or...if we want to establish aggressive dominance eye-forehead-eye....or a combination of the two...if you want to establish dominance without becomming aggressive.

If you have problems looking somebody in the eyes you can shift your vision focus...either unfocussing and taking in their entire face or you can shift focus to the bridge of somebodies nose (IF your face is not too close because then yo are just looking crosseyed :-) )...looking at the bridge of the nose appears if you still look somebody in the eyes.

Its absolutely ok to shift glances outside of the face area....thats not a problem. In fact people often do that when they are talking because talking often involves, memory (sounds, visions, thoughts etc)...and your eyes shift accordingly....or they use it in communication to send messages.

IF somebody is not blinking and keeps eye contact for long while talking its a sign they are using a manipulator. Which means they are either trying to win dominance, or they are trying to compensate for doubt about what they are saying. (it does not mean they are lying)...or depending on the mood...it could be that they really like you.

[StoneFrog]

I often look people in the eye, i think its because i think everyone is lying. :rolleyes:
I often do it to gage peoples perception of what they're saying is. But i hate people looking into my eyes, maybe i feel that they're doing what i do. It all stems from my own social awkwardness.

Try glanceing at their eyes, not just focusing on it.