How to hold one's shit together and avoid being intimidated?

[UltraWright]

I am learning how to defend my beliefs logically and I think I am doing a very good job at it. However, when I get into any form of confrontation I get intimidated by aggressive opponents easily and my mind just goes blank!

Do you have a guide to how to deal with aggressive/intimidating/authoritarian figures? I would like, for example, a guide on what to do when the other party starts ridiculing me instead of arguing over my ideas!

[PhoenixAsh]

Closed body language.

Palms down more when you gesture. Stand straight. Legs somewhat apart at or more than hip width. Speak deliberately. Use timbre. Use your eyes to dominate.

Looking slightly above the eyelevel to the forehead is dominating behaviour. Move your eyes in the triangle eye-eye-forehead. Instead of eye-eye-mouth. (Be aware that this is agressive behaviour and makes people feel uncomfortable and can elicit strong reactions)

[Property Is Robbery]

what to do when the other party starts ridiculing me instead of arguing over my ideas!
Walk away

Edit: That kind of ignorance isn't worth your time or energy.

[Revolutionair]

I mostly think mathematically. This means that you always try to put the opponent's arguments into a schematic layout.

For instance:
http://www.revleft.com/vb/showpost.php?p=2108635&postcount=62

If you see that the arguments are not logical, call them out on it. For instance when talking with Nazi's:
Nazi:
1. Negro's commit a lot of crimes.
2. Thus Negro's are inherently violent.

There are 2 problems with this argument.
You could just say: please provide proof that ALL Negro's commit a lot of crimes. If you cannot supply proof, your argument is not sufficient to convince anyone. And you could also ask them how 1 logically leads to 2 if it were true. Just because someone commits a crime, doesn't mean an entire group of people is genetically unable to be nonviolent.

You must know your facts beforehand so do your research! To continue my example, it is true that the crime rate of Afro-Americans is higher than other American groups. BUT(!) in West-Africa there is a lower crime rate. Mostly only countries with high income differences have a lot of crime.

Also do not forget that you can ask your opponent to calm down. When he is shouting or calling you names, you could say in a calm but strong voice: you are trying to intimidate me through shouting and name calling. I am calling you out on this and I want the audience to recognize this behavior. I feel like my opponent is using this name calling, or ad hominems, to avoid talking about the subject in an intellectual manner.


Realize that the more aggressive behavior comes from them dominating you. If you let them get away with saying stupid shit, then you WILL get intimated. You could ask for evidence every time they say something, to avoid intimidation, as just accepting everything they say will make them feel like an authority on the subject.

If you would say: "The USSR failed because 500 million died." And I would not challenge this, wouldn't you feel a little bit superior? You would feel like you could get away with anything. I could just say: do you have records to proof this? I would like 500 million dead certificates. You would just step down. If you do this a lot, your opponent knows he cannot overextend himself.


I typed what first came to my mind so it's low quality. I hope it is readable.

[Revolutionair]

Closed body language.

Palms down more when you gesture. Stand straight. Legs somewhat apart at or more than hip width. Speak deliberately. Use timbre. Use your eyes to dominate.

Looking slightly above the eyelevel to the forehead is dominating behaviour. Move your eyes in the triangle eye-eye-forehead. Instead of eye-eye-mouth. (Be aware that this is agressive behaviour and makes people feel uncomfortable and can elicit strong reactions)

You could do this. But it is heavily looked down upon. You could lose an entire debate if you get called out on it.

[xub3rn00dlex]

I would like, for example, a guide on what to do when the other party starts ridiculing me instead of arguing over my ideas!

Well if this is the case, and they are ridiculing you rather than putting forth solid arguments, then the debating is already over, and you need not continue wasting your time.

You could do as property is robbery Ⓐ☭property_is_robbery☭Ⓐ stated and walk away. This would be the smart and appropriate thing to do.

However, depending on the kind of people you're dealing with, this may not always work. If they get confrontational with you, make yourself bigger than they are, and always have confidence, never show your fear. I would recommend going for a quick, swift, powerful head-butt in defense, or you could do some researching regarding pressure points and how to use them to your advantage.

I have personally dealt with both kinds of people, and sometimes some people just look for confrontation. Remember, never show your fear, or else they will latch onto it like a pack of hungry wolves.

[PhoenixAsh]

You could do this. But it is heavily looked down upon. You could lose an entire debate if you get called out on it.


He wanted to deal with behaviour...thats how you deal with it. His opponent is agressive and is not loosing the debate...so how can he be loosing the debate?

[Ele'ill]

Slip into character.

[Johnny Kerosene]

Put your hand on your hips, slightly pushing back your jacket allowing them to see the handgun at your side. Seriously though, if you start to get intimidated, just take a deep-breath, and try to regain your thoughts. Ignore them for a few seconds, it's not like they'll say anything important.

[Niccolò Rossi]

Looking slightly above the eyelevel to the forehead is dominating behaviour. Move your eyes in the triangle eye-eye-forehead. Instead of eye-eye-mouth. (Be aware that this is agressive behaviour and makes people feel uncomfortable and can elicit strong reactions)

Holy shit dude, this is so true. It never even occured to me. When people do that to me, look at my forehead when talking it gets me really uncomfortable and irritable. That's cool.

Nic.

[black magick hustla]

look people in the eye

idk i dont know. last night some weiner i always kindof disliked pulled out this whole shit about like maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan fuck isms i just wanna try em all maaaaan thats dogmatic. and i was like bro that isnt clever heard that shit like 15 times before, it was never about fitting a mold but identifying yourself with certain core views, not the foot notes. and then he tried to backpedle and shit just keep going and going and youll win.

or dont debate. discuss. just try to find some common ground its not worth it to shout at other wingnuts. i generally dont debate at all

[Ele'ill]

Looking slightly above the eyelevel to the forehead is dominating behaviour. Move your eyes in the triangle eye-eye-forehead. Instead of eye-eye-mouth. (Be aware that this is agressive behaviour and makes people feel uncomfortable and can elicit strong reactions)


When I talk I use my hands a lot ala performance poetry. Obviously I'm being facetious but only slightly.

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I also, while talking and using my hands, move my body a lot, and will look up and away and then regain eye contact with the person all while still talking. A smirk is also important while cocking your head to the side as they're talking.

[PhoenixAsh]

When I talk I use my hands a lot ala performance poetry. Obviously I'm being facetious but only slightly.

I also, while talking and using my hands, move my body a lot, and will look up and away and then regain eye contact with the person all while still talking. A smirk is also important while cocking your head to the side as they're talking.

I do the same...it makes conversations more expressive. I love when people do that. I try to adjust the level of it towards the comfort levels of the one I am speaking to annd obviously I try to match it with the message I want to bring across.

But if I am angry or determined I keep eye contact near the face.

[Kamos]

When I am on the main page and see that the thread that has been replied to most recently is this one, it says "how to hold one's shit...". Creepy.

That's all I wanted to say. *slinks away quietly*

[UltraWright]

What if the other person who is being aggressive is much taller than me, what should I do then?

[PhoenixAsh]

Well...the first thing is analysing the form and threat of the agression. If its likely it can go into physical attack then you walk away.

If the agression is mostly verbal ingnoring the debate. Walk away.

If the agression lies within the tenacity of the subject debated infused with ad hominems. Then by all means continue the debate. Maintain a body position of being sure and comfortable. Do not engage in open and unsubtile ad hominems. Speak deliberately and maintain eye contact.

If you want to diffuse the hostility use open gestures: palms up and all that. Indicate you are listening and evaluating what is being said. Do not threaten in your tone or body movement.

[Nothing Human Is Alien]

I would like, for example, a guide on what to do when the other party starts ridiculing me instead of arguing over my ideas!

End the conversation.

[#FF0000]

"you mad? I mean, are you upset? you sound upset, guy. You upset?"

Be ready to dodge a punch.

[Decolonize The Left]

I am learning how to defend my beliefs logically and I think I am doing a very good job at it. However, when I get into any form of confrontation I get intimidated by aggressive opponents easily and my mind just goes blank!

Do you have a guide to how to deal with aggressive/intimidating/authoritarian figures? I would like, for example, a guide on what to do when the other party starts ridiculing me instead of arguing over my ideas!

Always remain calm. This is the first thing you should remember as it will pay off no matter how the discussion moves (debate, argument, violence, etc...). When you lose your emotional control you have lost.

If you remain calm you can focus on what HS20/20 is talking about. Much more is communicated via body language than actual words. If someone is harassing you verbally and you become flustered or upset, they will cue in on this and aggravate their actions. You want to appear in control at all times. This sort of appearance is conveyed by your body (how you stand - don't slouch, don't keep your hands in your pockets or cross your arms in front of you) and by your tone of voice (don't yell or sigh in exasperation) and eye contact (maintain good eye contact and do as HS mentioned, eye - eye - forehead).

Remember that a debate/argument moves like a ping-pong game. You don't always want to be slamming the ball onto the table, and likewise you don't always want to be lobbing it up for the other player. You want to vary your tactics, ask questions for a bit in a quieter tone until you find an angle of attack then become more aggressive and assertive to make your point. If you feel as though you have the advantage, maintain it. If the other party slips up, call them on it with conviction. Relate it back to something else they said. Tie it into your overall point.
Remember: if you control the grounds of the debate, you will win. That is to say that if you decide what is and isn't allowed to be talked about, you are better off.

- August

[Zealot]

I would suggest reading something about body language if you haven't already. If you look confident, people will think you are, and this in turn will actually make you feel confident. There isn't much you can do when people start ridiculing you personally except pointing out that their arguments are ad hominems that aren't attacking the logic directly. Even the most repulsive orators such as Hitler and Louis Farrakhan find a sympathetic audience, even when they don't agree. Studying people like that would take you a long way.

[bezdomni]

Don't defend yourself, go for the throat.