What are some good leftie jokes? A modest proposal

[ʇsıɥɔɹɐuɐ ıɯɐbıɹo]

Maybe Revleft can collect some of the best Leftie jokes and put them in a book.

Step One: Tell Jokes
Step Two: Find the 100 best (we can get to a few hundred?)
Step Three: Get a leftie publisher to see if they agree
Step Four: Revleft gets revenue from book, maybe we can go 1 day without ads?

Perhaps, if this works, it can also serve to teach the writers of the forum a good publisher to ask for their later works, or maybe we can release leftie jokes 2.

I was thinking if it gets off the ground the anniversary of the Revleft beginning could be the first day without ads. You know, because Revleft made it possible.

JOKE TIME:

Two teen socialists try to merge their garage band but fail. They wanted the be the lead singer but not share the mic. :lol:

Okay not too good.

Two German Pseudo-Marxists are discussing their movement and decide to ask the Soviet Union for help. But they can't be seen asking the Soviet Union for help in their own nation, they'd know too many people who could recognize them. They wonder where they can go to meet the soviet agent and one of them snaps his fingers.

"Fucking (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria)!"

Kay maybe that wouldn't work in a book.

But you guys can think of more right?

[Sir Comradical]

Q: Why do Marxist Leninists fail exams?
A: Because they're opposed to revision.

[Hoipolloi Cassidy]

Here are a few that we ran in WOID, the journal I edit:

http://theorangepress.com/woid/index.html

Q: Why does the Free Market Moron think in clichés?
A: Because his brain is invisible, too.

Q: Why does the Free Market Moron object to immigrants working their buns off at low paid jobs with no security and no health benefits while constantly harassed by the authorities?
A: Because those privileges are reserved for Americans.

Q: How many Free Market morons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You think Big Government's going to take care of everything?

Q: Why did the Free Market Moron cross the road?
A: To get to the Supply Side.

etc....

[Tablo]

Pretty sure we have a thread about leftist jokes in chit-chat.. can probably find it in the the greatest hits thread.

This should be moved.

[Tim Finnegan]

Marx and Bakunin are tuning up for the evening's meeting/rehearsal of the International Workingmen's Association & Skiffle Band, when Marx, who's been reading some of Bakunin's recent pamphlets, says "Don't you know that the liberation of the working class can only come at the hands of the working class itself?" Bakunin pauses, thoughtful. "No", he says, "but if you whistle a few bars I'll try to fake it."

http://forums.civfanatics.com/images/smilies/mischief.gif

[Sir Comradical]

Q: Why do anarchists drink only green tea?
A: Because proper tea is theft.

(Yes I know it's prejudiced to assume that there is a "proper tea", if any of you psychopaths berate me on this point, I will hunt you down and kill you.)

[Broletariat]

There's that one that's like

X reactionary group a billionaire and a *target of X reactionary group* are at a table with 10 slices of cake. The billionaire quickly snatches up 9 slices of cake and whispers to X reactionary group, "hey you better watch *target of X reactionary group* before they take your cake."

[Sir Comradical]

There's that one that's like

X reactionary group a billionaire and a *target of X reactionary group* are at a table with 10 slices of cake. The billionaire quickly snatches up 9 slices of cake and whispers to X reactionary group, "hey you better watch *target of X reactionary group* before they take your cake."

Tea-baggers, BNP, One-Nation here in Australia...very flexible joke. Good one.

[The Man]

Q: Why did the USSR not get to the moon first?
A: Cause the USSR kept 'Stalin!

[Tim Finnegan]

Stalin decides to go out one day and see what it's really like for the workers, so he puts on a disguise and sneaks out of the Kremlin. After a while he wanders into a cinema. When the film has finished, the Soviet Anthem plays and a huge picture of Stalin appears on the screen. Everyone stands up and begins singing, except Stalin, who smugly remains seated. A minute later a man behind him leans forwards and whispers in his ear: "Listen Comrade, we all feel exactly the same way you do, but trust me, it's a lot safer if you just stand up."

http://forums.civfanatics.com/images/smilies/mischief.gif

[Tablo]

Dear god! Move this to chit-chat!

Another thread with jokes.
http://www.revleft.com/vb/communist-jokesi-t135822/index.html?highlight=comrade%2C+god%2C+lenin%2C+co mmunism%2C+comedy%2C+jokes%2C+leftist%2C+hell

[Tim Finnegan]

That thread is a year old. What's wrong with a new one?

Anyway: Brezhnev is taking his elderly mother on a tour of the Kremlin. He shows her the palaces, the courtyards, the grand apartments. He shows her his office with its grand desk and many fine paintings. He points out the quality of the woodwork, the intricacy of the décor. Finally he turns to her with a satisfied smile and says, "From the son of a metalworker, to all this! What do you say, Mama- has your boy done good?" "It's certainly very nice", she says, a tad hesitantly, "But aren't you worried?" "Worried?" he replies, startled, "Worried about what?" "Well... What if the Bolsheviks come back?" :laugh:

[black magick hustla]

this is bad

[Nothing Human Is Alien]

A child says to his father in the midst of winter, “It is so cold. Why don’t you make a fire?” The father answers, “I can’t afford to buy coal. I have no money.” The child: “Why haven’t you any money?” “Because I am unemployed.” “Why are you unemployed?” “Silly boy, don’t you know? I used to be a miner, and there is too much coal in the world.”

[Aurora]

Three men are in prison in Siberia, the first man turns to the second and asks 'Why are you here?' the second man replies 'I supported Karl Radek' the first says 'This is unbelievable im here for opposing Karl Radek!' They go quiet and turn to the third man, he looks up and says 'Im Karl Radek'

props to Kleber or graymouser for that one.

[RebelDog]

An unemployed scots miner is walking through a field with some pheasants he's shot slung over his shoulder. A well dressed man approaches him and says "how dare you, those are my pheasants, you shot them on my land so they belong to me. Hand them over now you thief." The miner carries on walking and ignores him. "Did you here me? Hand them over now or I'll phone the police. This is my land and those are my pheasants."
The miner paused for a moment and replied "Who says its your land?"
"It is my land, my father left it to me" said the landowner. "Aye, is that right. Who gave it to him then?" said the miner. "His father left it to him" replied the landowner. The miner laughed and said "well who did he get it off then?" The landowner was getting angrier and angrier. "This land has been handed down in my family for generations. We've owned it for hundereds of years" he said. The miner shook his head and said "Well how did your family come by it in the first place?" "We fought for it!" replied the landowner with a proud look on his face. The miner shook his head again before retorting "Well then you bastard, take your jacket off and I'll fight you for it now!"

[Rjevan]

This should be moved.
And so it is.

[Comrade J]

Apparently, these are translated Russian jokes from the Soviet era -



A Gulag guard asked a political prisoner, "What is your term?"
"Ten years."
"What for?"
"For nothing."
"What a lie! For nothing they give only five years."


Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In a newspaper's office, a discussion is under way what should be the caption under the picture.
"Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," "Pigs around comrade Khrushchev," -- all is rejected. Finally the editor makes the decision. The caption is "The third from left - comrade Khrushchev."


In the time of Stalin's mass purges, a knock at the door woke a family in the middle of night. All family members, shaking in terror, jumped up.
"Take all you can carry with you, and get out at once," a voice sounded. "But, for God's sake, don't panic! It's me, your neighbour. It isnothing serious, just our house is on fire."


A frightened man came to the KGB "My talking parrot disappeared."
"This is not our case. Go to the criminal police."
"I know! Of course I understand that I have to report it to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with that parrot."

[praxis1966]

I don't know if this is true or not, but William Blum claimed it was in his book Killing Hope...

Quoted from graffiti scrawled, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, on the side of the building the Warsaw Pact was signed in:

First tagger: "Bring back communism!"
Second tagger: "We never had communism!"
Third tagger: "Then bring back what we had!"

[Catillina]

An American and a Russian die and both go to hell. There the devil asks them: " Well you gotta choose between the American Hell, and the Russian Hell" The American asks: "Well, what is the difference?"
-"In the american Hell, you have to eat a bucket of waste each day"
The Russian asks: "And the Russian Hell?"
-"There you have to eat two buckets of waste a day"
The American responds quickly:"I go to the aerican Hell"
-"very well" the devil replies, "and you?"
The Russian says: "Well, as good patriot I choose the Russian Hell"
-"So be it" the devil says.

After a year, both meet again on a Hell on Ice Party
The Russian sees the American: "Hey dude, how is it going?"
The American: "It's ok, I have to eat my bucket of waste each day, but after it, I'm free to do what I want...and you?"
The Russian replies:" It couldnt be better! It's like in the good old times, either they have supply delays, or they have supply shortages!"

Bazinga!

[CynicalIdealist]

Three men are in prison in Siberia, the first man turns to the second and asks 'Why are you here?' the second man replies 'I supported Karl Radek' the first says 'This is unbelievable im here for opposing Karl Radek!' They go quiet and turn to the third man, he looks up and says 'Im Karl Radek'

props to Kleber or graymouser for that one.

I don't get it. >_>

[ʇsıɥɔɹɐuɐ ıɯɐbıɹo]

So, speaking of jokes does anyone remember trying to choose the best one that might go into a book?

I was thinking we could call the book Revleft: Ridiculous Reds:cool: but other suggestions are probably as good as mine.

Anyways, if you're not ready to talk about the book idea please continue telling jokes. Not that I could stop you.

One day a local right wing politician saw a piece of graffiti that said he was "Oblivitoris". He took it as an attack on himself, being a "tory" conservative and he assumed the first part of this word meant oblivion. Half-right as he was he took action quickly, using it as an excuse to crack down harshly from his position. However as he came up for reelection the signs started appearing everywhere; suddenly everyone knew what it meant and he kept at it. He used it constantly in his campaign slogan saying that if they said it about him, then they were one too, because real men like him didn't have to make up words to defend themselves. His audience would often laugh and cheer on the campaign trail; they loved him telling off those graffiti artists. Graffitti became clever campaign slogans, and though it did him no good in the polls, even when he spray painted it on his house.

Our protagonist was unaware of its true meaning but he found out what it meant a few days before election day. Let me walk you through what happened: he accused his wife of cheating on him, embarrassed his public office, got kicked out of the library, got slapped by a transvestite hooker and fired everyone in his reelection team.

His wife told him how she'd felt so ignored as he chased his career, so when she started to sleep around she started with his pages. They'd taught her the word in the first place. She told them it described him perfectly and one of the naughty kids had sprayed it on the side of a building so long ago. But she thought everyone had forgotten about it, and now that his campaign was basically riding on it she had been... "spreading the word".

To his campaign manager, his party leader, his party leaders wife... the list went on and on to him until he had no more and left, but realized he still didn't know what it was.

He went to his campaign manager, undecided onto kill the man or beg him to tell him it wasn't true. "Why did you sleep with my wife!?" he screamed a little louder, a second later thinking louder than he intended too. Hid Party HQ was stunned, volunteers working stopped to look at him, the party campaign manager at a loss for words. He denied it, and then the now our Oblivitoris candidate asked him if he knew what it meant. Then the campaign manager laughed and said, yes, he did sleep with his wife, then ran out an emergency exit. No chase given, the humiliated candidate left the party HQ after saying it was over.

The first person he saw walking outside he decided to ask, but this person merely slapped him and walked off, her high heels and strong legs making him not want to ask again.

Then he, on his knees screamed "What the fuck is oblivitoris?" and the first guy to fuck his wife, the local anarchist in town now, screamed back at him.

"IT MEANS OBLIVIOUS TO THE CLITORIS" before laughing and taking off.

You know, to fuck his wife.

[Comrade J]

:lol: I like the Radek joke.


So, speaking of jokes does anyone remember trying to choose the best one that might go into a book?

I was thinking we could call the book Revleft: Ridiculous Reds:cool:

This is a terrible title, no offense. If I ever saw that on a shelf I'd think it must be a mockery of the left.

[ʇsıɥɔɹɐuɐ ıɯɐbıɹo]

This is a terrible title, no offense. If I ever saw that on a shelf I'd think it must be a mockery of the left.

YOU read my new extra-long joke. I had to edit it in. :blushing: it took so long you posted before I finished editing not funny.

[Tim Finnegan]

One day a local right wing politician saw a piece of graffiti that said he was "Oblivitoris". He took it as an attack on himself, being a "tory" conservative and he assumed the first part of this word meant oblivion. Half-right as he was he took action quickly, using it as an excuse to crack down harshly from his position. However as he came up for reelection the signs started appearing everywhere; suddenly everyone knew what it meant and he kept at it. He used it constantly in his campaign slogan saying that if they said it about him, then they were one too, because real men like him didn't have to make up words to defend themselves. His audience would often laugh and cheer on the campaign trail; they loved him telling off those graffiti artists. Graffitti became clever campaign slogans, and though it did him no good in the polls, even when he spray painted it on his house.

Our protagonist was unaware of its true meaning but he found out what it meant a few days before election day. Let me walk you through what happened: he accused his wife of cheating on him, embarrassed his public office, got kicked out of the library, got slapped by a transvestite hooker and fired everyone in his reelection team.

His wife told him how she'd felt so ignored as he chased his career, so when she started to sleep around she started with his pages. They'd taught her the word in the first place. She told them it described him perfectly and one of the naughty kids had sprayed it on the side of a building so long ago. But she thought everyone had forgotten about it, and now that his campaign was basically riding on it she had been... "spreading the word".

To his campaign manager, his party leader, his party leaders wife... the list went on and on to him until he had no more and left, but realized he still didn't know what it was.

He went to his campaign manager, undecided onto kill the man or beg him to tell him it wasn't true. "Why did you sleep with my wife!?" he screamed a little louder, a second later thinking louder than he intended too. Hid Party HQ was stunned, volunteers working stopped to look at him, the party campaign manager at a loss for words. He denied it, and then the now our Oblivitoris candidate asked him if he knew what it meant. Then the campaign manager laughed and said, yes, he did sleep with his wife, then ran out an emergency exit. No chase given, the humiliated candidate left the party HQ after saying it was over.

The first person he saw walking outside he decided to ask, but this person merely slapped him and walked off, her high heels and strong legs making him not want to ask again.

Then he, on his knees screamed "What the fuck is oblivitoris?" and the first guy to fuck his wife, the local anarchist in town now, screamed back at him.

"IT MEANS OBLIVIOUS TO THE CLITORIS" before laughing and taking off.

You know, to fuck his wife.
So the joke is that right-wing politicians are unmanly, as demonstrated by their sexual inadequacy, and that the studly anarchists, who are manly, will appropriate their female-property for the purposes of humiliating them? Don't you think that's a bit regressive? :confused:

[Jazzratt]

So the joke is that right-wing politicians are unmanly, as demonstrated by their sexual inadequacy, and that the studly anarchists, who are manly, will appropriate their female-property for the purposes of humiliating them? Don't you think that's a bit regressive? :confused: Christ, if that's the joke I'm really quite glad I didn't read it.

[ʇsıɥɔɹɐuɐ ıɯɐbıɹo]

So the joke is that right-wing politicians are unmanly, as demonstrated by their sexual inadequacy, and that the studly anarchists, who are manly, will appropriate their female-property for the purposes of humiliating them? Don't you think that's a bit regressive? :confused:

No the joke is the words meaning. The set up was just for fun. It can be really short like using it in your own occasions too. You can use it however, this was an example joke cause I am really baked. But the word might be ruined now that my jokes not funny.


Christ, if that's the joke I'm really quite glad I didn't read it.

Then make some.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Q: Why did the USSR not get to the moon first?
A: Cause the USSR kept 'Stalin!
I dunno, some of them were Russian.

[Comrade J]

YOU read my new extra-long joke. I had to edit it in. :blushing: it took so long you posted before I finished editing not funny.

That's not a joke, it's practically a novel.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

I dunno, some of them were Russian.
Epic Win!

[Aurora]

I don't get it. >_>
It's a play on the vacillations of Stalin's clique, first Radek was an enemy then he was an ally then he was imprisoned and killed.

[ZeroNowhere]

This is a terrible title, no offense. If I ever saw that on a shelf I'd think it must be a mockery of the left.And then it would turn out that it in fact was.

[Sam_b]

In this thread I think it has been established that:

1. The whole book idea is fucking ludicrous.

2. OP cannot make funny jokes.

3. To make up for this, OP then posts an offensive joke and has no idea about the real politics involved behind it.