Social Anxiety- how to break through it

[Ele'ill]

How do you all deal with it?

When I was a kid it started around the age of 13- before that I was overly talkative and a social butterfly. It was at it's worst from 15-18 and I gradually started breaking down the barriers from there. I still suffer from it but am no longer afraid to put myself into social situations although I wouldn't say I 'enjoy' most social situations.

I have found that if I get myself to do something I'm afraid of once or twice and continue to make it a priority I no longer fear it to any extent- it's also important to remember that 'being yourself' around others doesn't mean 'being what you think you have to be' or 'they'll think i'm alright if I don't show them exactly who I am'. Rejection is ok and is in-fact desirable.

Oddly enough I'm alright and anxiety-free when speaking in public- I just have avoidance issues and it's the process of getting into that position that causes problems.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

i don't feel comfortable in social situations, generally. i've got better over the years and i've noticed that stress makes it worse. as far as i know, it doesn't show very much. i nevertheless see myself in all kinds of social situations, whether casual, political or even playing on stage with my band which i can't do if i'm not intoxicated haha.

i just force myself to do what needs to be done, alcohol helps and is consumed too much. social anxiety just feels like one of those things you just have to accept and not let it rule you (easier said than done ha!).

[StoneFrog]

I don't really, i tend to lie my way out of situations i don't feel comfortable with. I just can't think of anything else, but to get the hell out of there. I'd also say i have a touch of paranoia when im in those situation, everything is just not right.

As Laird said, alcohol does help; one of the few times i can get sort of relaxed.

[Robespierre Richard]

One thing that's helped me is "Computerized Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." Though for me that just meant reading this text (http://www.testandcalc.com/Self_Defeating_Beliefs/bel6.asp) about every week or so and sometimes going out of my way to talk to people. Oh and this one. (http://www.testandcalc.com/Self_Defeating_Beliefs/bel11.asp)

(Though with bipolar it's harder I guess because in manic phases I just get really stressed out and blow everything people say way out of proportion.)

[Luisrah]

I know what you feel. I think I suffer from a kind of inferiority issues that really makes me hate to stand out in a crowd, or actually be in one.

For example, whenever I'm in a press event or something about the party I identify myself with or there's a congress, I feel the ''duty'' of saying something, but dear god, I'm so nervous. I sweat like a pig, my hands get extremely wet but cold, I start shaking.
I always feel everyone is going to think ''who's that 17 year old that thinks he knows something about life? you didn't endure a dictatorship like we did! we endured torture, what did you endure?''

[Salyut]

I have about four cognitive distortions going and it really bites into what I do. Outside class I've pretty much got no life at all, and I've got myself convinced this is a good thing.

[bailey_187]

just convince urself ur better than everyone else

srs btw

[Lenina Rosenweg]

I found this book to be very helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Shyness-Solution-Operators-Manual/dp/1593375360

Its about dealing with shyness and putting oneself into situations which can increae the posibility of a romantic relationship. A basic idea is that shyness is a often a learned behavior and can be regarded as a specific way of being in the world. Another idea is that being shy can actually make one more attractive, one can build popularity based on being shy instead of fighting a deep seated condition.

The title is a bit cheesy but I recommend this.

[Admiral Swagmeister G-Funk]

I know what you feel. I think I suffer from a kind of inferiority issues that really makes me hate to stand out in a crowd, or actually be in one.

For example, whenever I'm in a press event or something about the party I identify myself with or there's a congress, I feel the ''duty'' of saying something, but dear god, I'm so nervous. I sweat like a pig, my hands get extremely wet but cold, I start shaking.
I always feel everyone is going to think ''who's that 17 year old that thinks he knows something about life? you didn't endure a dictatorship like we did! we endured torture, what did you endure?''

they probably admire someone so young having the balls to get up and speak like that dude.

[black magick hustla]

i took an eighth of shrooms a winter night in a city i did not know when it was snowing while wearing a shirt. i saw death like three times and i saw and experienced hell and then after that my mind broke and i didnt have social anxiety anymore true story

[black magick hustla]

i got pulled out of a show for pulling my dick out and i got beaten up that day too woooohoooo

[Impulse97]

One thing that's helped me is "Computerized Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." Though for me that just meant reading this text (http://www.testandcalc.com/Self_Defeating_Beliefs/bel6.asp) about every week or so and sometimes going out of my way to talk to people. Oh and this one. (http://www.testandcalc.com/Self_Defeating_Beliefs/bel11.asp)

Thats really a great article. Haven't read the second one, but the first one is exactly what I've been looking for.


For example, whenever I'm in a press event or something about the party I identify myself with or there's a congress, I feel the ''duty'' of saying something, but dear god, I'm so nervous. I sweat like a pig, my hands get extremely wet but cold, I start shaking.
I always feel everyone is going to think ''who's that 17 year old that thinks he knows something about life? you didn't endure a dictatorship like we did! we endured torture, what did you endure?''

I get this too. It sucks.


I have about four cognitive distortions going and it really bites into what I do. Outside class I've pretty much got no life at all, and I've got myself convinced this is a good thing.

This is me exactly. Well, almost. I gotta work on this, gotta get out more.

[Mindtoaster]

How do you all deal with it?

When I was a kid it started around the age of 13- before that I was overly talkative and a social butterfly. It was at it's worst from 15-18 and I gradually started breaking down the barriers from there. I still suffer from it but am no longer afraid to put myself into social situations although I wouldn't say I 'enjoy' most social situations.

I have found that if I get myself to do something I'm afraid of once or twice and continue to make it a priority I no longer fear it to any extent- it's also important to remember that 'being yourself' around others doesn't mean 'being what you think you have to be' or 'they'll think i'm alright if I don't show them exactly who I am'. Rejection is ok and is in-fact desirable.

Oddly enough I'm alright and anxiety-free when speaking in public- I just have avoidance issues and it's the process of getting into that position that causes problems.


Weird, I had the same experiences nearly word for word

I got it around the age of 13 or 14 and it was pretty crippling throughout high school, but started getting better around senior years. When I graduated and went to college I kind of became a social butterfly but I still have problems being sort of avoidant beforehand but I usually get over it once I'm actually put in a social setting.

I'm also a great public speaker and love doing it once I'm on stage, but it scares the shit out of me before hand, even like when I'm raising my hand in class to ask a question.

I know I still have anxiety and it bothers me, but I'm so much better at controlling it that I haven't really tried to seek help or anything. Don't know why I suddenly got over it after high school

[Property Is Robbery]

i saw and experienced hell and then after that my mind broke and i didnt have social anxiety anymore true story
Yeah ego death can do that :p

[Luisrah]

they probably admire someone so young having the balls to get up and speak like that dude.

Lol I know that! And that's the worst part, I know that, but when the time comes, Jesus Christ it's like something is pulling me back.
Well, I hope it changes someday, with effort.

[Salyut]

This is me exactly. Well, almost. I gotta work on this, gotta get out more.

My therapist suggested I try dance classes.

...Yeah...

[Summerspeaker]

How do you all deal with it?

Self-injury. Used to be cutting, now bruising. For me it's not so much anxiety as rage and sadness as being treated as an object rather than human being. I can be as smooth as anyone in a social situation, but I gain nothing from experience.

[Ele'ill]

Self-injury. Used to be cutting, now bruising. For me it's not so much anxiety as rage and sadness as being treated as an object rather than human being. I can be as smooth as anyone in a social situation, but I gain nothing from experience.

Not so much anymore but I get a 'trapped' feeling and it makes me super upset. I feel like I'm being controlled severely but in situations where I cannot defend myself for fear of say- losing my job. I've learned to deal with it much better as I got older but at some previous jobs for example I would get upset to the point where I'd walk off down an aisle and run a razor through my hand or across my knuckles.

[Summerspeaker]

Not so much anymore but I get a 'trapped' feeling and it makes me super upset. I feel like I'm being controlled severely but in situations where I cannot defend myself for fear of say- losing my job.

Ah, well, I can certainly relate to that. That's the core experience of modern life, isn't it? As my primitivist comrades would say, we're all domesticated. I've enough wildness left in me to make it a nightmare.


I've learned to deal with it much better as I got older but at some previous jobs for example I would get upset to the point where I'd walk off down an aisle and run a razor through my hand or across my knuckles.

I haven't gotten any more stable with age. The main reason I don't cut myself these is days comes from fear of getting a staph infection. It's a pity we're forced to hurt ourselves rather than striking back against the oppressors.

[Jazzratt]

I was on meds for it and slowly managed to get to the point where I can manage to control it through willpower. Sometimes it takes huge amounts of willpower and I wobble but I haven't been too bad recently.

[Quail]

I wouldn't suggest anyone else do this, but when I'm feeling anxious about social situations I drink some alcohol or use other drugs. I'm really bad at interacting with people I don't know that well, and feel as though they either don't like me or they're thinking that I'm talking rubbish. I feel uncomfortable even when people say hi or compliment me, and quite a few people have said that they thought I was being rude or didn't like them when they first met me.

[Ele'ill]

and quite a few people have said that they thought I was being rude or didn't like them when they first met me.

That's because they get a bit of anxiety too just not as bad perhaps. They feel the pressure of expectations even if they're imaginary. I hate the 'routine' feeling of social interaction- I really don't like it at all- I want to know the person/people on a level greater than superficial small talk. It would take me several 'dinner parties' to warm up to the same group of people but if we were out camping in the wild or doing other activities that I actually enjoy I'm there right away.

[Summerspeaker]

I wouldn't suggest anyone else do this, but when I'm feeling anxious about social situations I drink some alcohol or use other drugs.

As someone who completely avoids drugs beyond chocolate and caffeine, I would recommend getting drunk/stone/high/whatever at social events. Being sober never leads to anything positive. I know this from experience. Folks have no respect for those of us who don't become intoxicated. :lol: