Pour Your Heart Out Thread V

[Il Medico]

Start spilling your guts here, the last one is a bit over due for closing.

[Salyut]

I want to talk to my pysch about going on antiandrogens but i'm not really sure how yo go about doing that. :(

[crazyirish93]

i really hate my "friends" :cursing: :crying:

[Robespierre Richard]

I can't stop thinking about killing myself.

[Salyut]

I can't stop thinking about killing myself.

I've had a solid decade of that. Pretty much every single day.

[crazyirish93]

atm I need some advice me and former friend had arranged a trip to visit some mutual friends abroad.Yesterday me and him were talking with a mutual friend and out of the blue he starts attacking communism and arguing with me about it the argument goes on for a hour straight and all was ok but then he brings it up again and as i was halfway through finishing an sentence he interrupts me calls me a idiot and a simpleton so i snap and threaten to kill him the mutual friend thinks i was talking to him and leaves and now ive been told by my former friend that 1 of the people that i was going to visit does not want me to visit because of what our mutual friend thought i said to him.Im just confused on what to should i try make peace with my former friend and try clear up the misunderstanding?:unsure: its really upsetting to see good friends turn against u because of someone else snake like actions :crying:

[Wanted Man]

Currently at home with a sore throat and stomach and constant coughing. Fuck that. I also had the following successive dreams last night:

1) I was travelling home by train. Hurrying to get up, I forgot a few beers that I had with me.
2) I came home for a family dinner, and when got there, a close relative had just died minutes ago.
3) I feigned sickness to get out of some meeting and went out in town, where of course I ended up meeting those people and had to bullshit my way out.

WTF? Give me a break or something?

[Robespierre Richard]

Currently at home with a sore throat and stomach and constant coughing. Fuck that. I also had the following successive dreams last night:

1) I was travelling home by train. Hurrying to get up, I forgot a few beers that I had with me.
2) I came home for a family dinner, and when got there, a close relative had just died minutes ago.
3) I feigned sickness to get out of some meeting and went out in town, where of course I ended up meeting those people and had to bullshit my way out.

WTF? Give me a break or something?

I had a dream where I was in Russia... or something...

sg0nYhUB7CA

[Chambered Word]

I'm usually struggling to remember my dreams the next day. feels bad man.

[Wanted Man]

On the upside, I've spent most of the day listening to old soundtracks and shit.

[Salyut]

Might have to go back on SSRI's. I'm not happy about this tbh. :(

[Ele'ill]

Might have to go back on SSRI's. I'm not happy about this tbh. :(

Do you think it's going to help you?

[Salyut]

Do you think it's going to help you?

I really don't know. Lexapro doesn't have strong enough sexual side effects I think; but Paxil has weight gain. :(

[¿Que?]

I've got a case of the muchies, and a case of the lonelies, and a case of the depression, and I'm also fucked up. Um, hi. Somebody want to talk a little?

[Chambered Word]

^sure, what's up man?

[¿Que?]

^sure, what's up man?
Well, it's kind of like, I wish I had a pizza, and somebody to talk to.

[Chambered Word]

I kinda want the same. This is a pretty lonely Sunday. :(

[¿Que?]

I kinda want the same. This is a pretty lonely Sunday. :(
Yeah, this fucking pizza place, the only one open in town, well their fucking credit card machine is down. And I don't have a lick of cash. Also, I'm not about to get behind the wheel of a car, so I basically would have to walk some 30 minutes to get any kind of munchies. I'm about to do it, though.

[Catmatic Leftist]

FUCK &#*$(U#%(#@%JI JOUFGKC *&#@(*%#NJGkfjaf;aweuioesf;afw8u-4w8u9 #&%#@)* WHAT THE FUCK &U#%|*&)##[email protected]#UY*#M)YHUTMHW*U)G$HY()yIOPRG OEOEOE WOWOWOWOWOWOWO WTF J#*(&%*(%(*@#%*&(#%*&(#%@*(#% HATE THIS SHIT $*&#%(#@ %&*(#@%

[NoOneIsIllegal]

^ Feel ya, homie.

I may be homeless soon. Who knows... I don't. That's the least of my worries right now. It's a long story, and I'll probably post about it once it happens or when it's done, not now.

[Meridian]

I missed a shift and since then haven't heard from my boss and haven't been signed up for any new shifts. Now the boss hasn't taken/responded to my calls or messages for a week. Today I got a message from her asking for an appointment with me, probably to fire me. I'm not gonna answer that shit.

[Chambered Word]

time to abandon these so-called friends of mine.

[Metacomet]

I missed a shift and since then haven't heard from my boss and haven't been signed up for any new shifts. Now the boss hasn't taken/responded to my calls or messages for a week. Today I got a message from her asking for an appointment with me, probably to fire me. I'm not gonna answer that shit.


I'm sorry to hear that.

I hate begging for work. It's so damn degrading. No, I shouldn't have to explain why I am applying at a damn convenience store with a college degree, it's not your business.

But I wasn't experienced enough for that job. Next time I get told that I am going to ask how one gains experience, if one cannot get hired.

[Meridian]

Next time I get told that I am going to ask how one gains experience, if one cannot get hired.
One of the great conundrums of the capitalist world.

[Metacomet]

One of the great conundrums of the capitalist world.


Well I do have experience in customer service. (And you know, the fact that I was almost valedictorian of my college class, I guess that doesn't count for anything) I suppose they want me to get a job from my parents or have connections like they seem to.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Put fake business in there, I half-lied that my parents owe a cleaning service business (true but as independent contractor) and they have me for a while so I am experciend (false).

Also inflate your wage so you can better wage.

[Salyut]

I get some seriously dark impulses at times. Then I feel guilty cause the whole revolutionary leftist thing. :(

[¿Que?]

I don't think I'm ever going to meet someone special. I'm doomed to utter loneliness forever.

[Bright Banana Beard]

That say you should get out more, and join the workforce that are largely composed of female.

In my job, there are about 90% female and about 15-27 men including myself. I get to make plenty of female aquintances. Hell, I even hear some rumor that some coworkers like me.

That's my good start. So find a job where you are likely to meet plenty of female. I don't even have severe depression anymore, just lightest one.

For now, cry and later up, find a full-time job where majority of coworkers are female, and most likely you will find your significant other.

[¿Que?]

That say you should get out more, and join the workforce that are largely composed of female.

In my job, there are about 90% female and about 15-27 men including myself. I get to make plenty of female aquintances. Hell, I even hear some rumor that some coworkers like me.

That's my good start. So find a job where you are likely to meet plenty of female. I don't even have severe depression anymore, just lightest one.

For now, cry and later up, find a full-time job where majority of coworkers are female, and most likely you will find your significant other.
Blah. No offense comrade, but I actually said the same thing like way before this. I wasn't fishing for advice. I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm not really the priziest horse, catch my drift. The process is just too slow for me.

[Bright Banana Beard]

You are the priceist horse, bro. Get those depression feeling under control.

[¿Que?]

You are the priceist horse, bro. Get those depression feeling under control.
ok...:sleep:

[Ele'ill]

My head doesn't feel well.

[Il Medico]

Is it odd to so fear losing the relationship you already have with someone that you can't bring yourself to jeopardize it by trying to take it further?

[NoOneIsIllegal]

is it odd to so fear losing the relationship you already have with someone that you can't bring yourself to jeopardize it by trying to take it further?
this!

[black magick hustla]

Is it odd to so fear losing the relationship you already have with someone that you can't bring yourself to jeopardize it by trying to take it further?
no. it depends. sometimes the friendship relationship is worth it but sometimes its not.

[¿Que?]

Is it odd to so fear losing the relationship you already have with someone that you can't bring yourself to jeopardize it by trying to take it further?
I would say that you are making a trivial distinction. It is as if you are changing people if you decide to go to that next level. What I'm trying to say is that you may consider that a good solid friendship would stand a little rough conditions. If you don't feel you have that, then the answer is don't do it.

[Robespierre Richard]

Man this shit's so stressful...

I've been sick for over a month now. I've even quit my job so I can get more rest and finally get better but I just feel worse every day, what the hell? Doctors say everything is fine, too.

[Salyut]

Finally decided to go about working out the abuse issues with consoler. Feeling better.

[Il Medico]

I've lost freinds due to non-mutal love intrest before. I'm worried about it happening again. Thing is those were friendships first, I've always been interested in this case. So I dunno. I can't read her, shes too introverted. Which puts me in the position of trying to figure this out while maintaining the relatively new friendship/ letting her get to know me... Bah! Blast it all, why do these thing have to be so complicated!

[Luisrah]

I've lost freinds due to non-mutal love intrest before. I'm worried about it happening again. Thing is those were friendships first, I've always been interested in this case. So I dunno. I can't read her, shes too introverted. Which puts me in the position of trying to figure this out while maintaining the relatively new friendship/ letting her get to know me... Bah! Blast it all, why do these thing have to be so complicated!

I know how you feel dude. I feel exactly the same way. There's this girl, who has had a lot of relationship troubles. Her last boyfriend hit her when she didn't do what he wanted, and she had 2 other guys who cheated on her.

She says she really likes me, but she is afraid of hurting and getting hurt. She always tries to not let it keep going forward, even if it's slow.
But even so I keep trying and not giving up. I think I'm really mad about this girl, but she is taking so long, I don't think it'll ever be stable :(

[gorillafuck]

I've lost freinds due to non-mutal love intrest before. I'm worried about it happening again. Thing is those were friendships first, I've always been interested in this case. So I dunno. I can't read her, shes too introverted. Which puts me in the position of trying to figure this out while maintaining the relatively new friendship/ letting her get to know me... Bah! Blast it all, why do these thing have to be so complicated!Having a crush on a friend that you're not sure is mutual is such a stress.

[Wanted Man]

One thing that I absolutely hate is the idea of having to constantly walk on eggshells. At the moment, I'm in a situation (neither personally nor in the communist movement, thankfully) where this is constantly the case.

You can't please everyone, that is a given. But what I really can't stand is when people get "offended" by the slightest thing, that they react most forcefully as soon as they get the impression that they do not have totalitarian control over everything, that sometimes they have to trust people.

I currently find myself working with people who are, more than anything, interested in their "right" to feel hard done by than with what should be their core business, and it's frustrating as hell. On the other side are those people who are so incompetent that the easily-offended types have a reason to complain.

What can you do in that kind of situation besides simply sticking to your own course and not giving a shit?

[Chambered Word]

I've lost freinds due to non-mutal love intrest before. I'm worried about it happening again.

this just happened to me. I don't understand why I'm being treated like a stranger by this girl because I asked her out, but anyway I'm at the point where I just don't give a fuck about her anymore.

[Quail]

I constantly feel stressed and low at the moment. I don't know if I really have the energy to do well in my degree, be a good mother and generally do responsible adult things without one day snapping and driving myself off a cliff or something.

[gorillafuck]

I constantly feel stressed and low at the moment. I don't know if I really have the energy to do well in my degree, be a good mother and generally do responsible adult things without one day snapping and driving myself off a cliff or something.:(

I'm sure you're a fine mother.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

My life has been all sorts of chaos since I called off the engagement with my (ex)fiance. I proceded to go out and have meaningless casual sex (I have to get a blood test in three months) with guys that made me feel worse about myself, my dog died, I fooled around with my exfiance's lesbian sister and I've been getting fucked up constantly and chasing dragons.

My life is a mess of worthless attempts to fill the void where bits of meaning used to be. FML FML FML

[Il Medico]

My life has been all sorts of chaos since I called off the engagement with my (ex)fiance. I proceded to go out and have meaningless casual sex (I have to get a blood test in three months) with guys that made me feel worse about myself, my dog died, I fooled around with my exfiance's lesbian sister and I've been getting fucked up constantly and chasing dragons.

My life is a mess of worthless attempts to fill the void where bits of meaning used to be. FML FML FML
:( *hug

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

:( *hug
Eh shit happens. Atleast I got my drugs.

[¿Que?]

Eh shit happens. Atleast I got my drugs.
Yeah, but did you say chasing the dragon? You know that's a euphemism for heroin, right? Are you doing smack? Please say no.

[Quail]

:(

I'm sure you're a fine mother.
It depends on whether my parents are involved. According to them, nothing I ever do is good enough.

My life has been all sorts of chaos since I called off the engagement with my (ex)fiance. I proceded to go out and have meaningless casual sex (I have to get a blood test in three months) with guys that made me feel worse about myself, my dog died, I fooled around with my exfiance's lesbian sister and I've been getting fucked up constantly and chasing dragons.

My life is a mess of worthless attempts to fill the void where bits of meaning used to be. FML FML FML
I'm so glad to see you online. I've done the same with promiscuity, but seriously, don't let that damage your self esteem. You may have done things you regret with people you regret, but you know that it was a mistake, and you (hopefully) won't do it again. Honestly, if you want to harm yourself in that way, give me a pm and I'll support you. I've had that kind of situation far too often.

[Catmatic Leftist]

I've always wondered, how do you raise children without spanking them? I haven't heard any good argument from people who advocate spanking other than anecdotal evidence or tradition/folklore. I also haven't heard anything worth considering from those who don't either. :(

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Yeah, but did you say chasing the dragon? You know that's a euphemism for heroin, right? Are you doing smack? Please say no.
That entire family of drugs is my drug of choice.



I'm so glad to see you online. I've done the same with promiscuity, but seriously, don't let that damage your self esteem. You may have done things you regret with people you regret, but you know that it was a mistake, and you (hopefully) won't do it again. Honestly, if you want to harm yourself in that way, give me a pm and I'll support you. I've had that kind of situation far too often.

thankiez but I'm beyond repair.

[¿Que?]

That entire family of drugs is my drug of choice.

Oh well, everybody has their preference.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

A lot of us were/are worried about you :(

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
I'm kind of scared of life. I did some really stupid things the past week. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse.

"I am a bird afraid of heights."

[Bright Banana Beard]

Let's me tell you something, you will never be satisfied with your life. Drugs won't help out with your cause(s) and I haven't done them for 3 months {beside once in a while beers, never drunk) and I feel great about it. YOU have to take priority of taking care of yourself, and it is never easy to do it. Just try to control your depression and always try to be a better person. You just can't change your past at all, so dwell when the time is proper. Expect to get hurted and the unexpect. With capitalism in place, opportunity is very rare, it is not always avialable and hard to grab on. I am fine with the way I am and quite happy with my progress. Depress all you want, they aren't going to help you get on with life beside mood satisfication with self/others.

[Il Medico]

That entire family of drugs is my drug of choice.
That ain't the healthiest habit to have. Be careful with that stuff.




thankiez but I'm beyond repair.
If you're beyond repair, salvage the spare parts and build something new. Don't give up hope though. You'll get through it I'm sure.

I know Kayl already offered, but don't be afraid to hit me up as well if you need someone to talk to.

[Salyut]

Figure I'm pretty much incapable of having a relationship.

probably not going to get anti-androgens

thought I was getting better but now I'm suicidal

again

[Niccolò Rossi]

If you're beyond repair, salvage the spare parts and build something new.

I like this alot.

Nic.

[gorillafuck]

That entire family of drugs is my drug of choice.Have you tried rehab or something? Because that's a bad road to be taking.:(

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Even when I get back off it I end up back on it.

[Salyut]

Even when I get back off it I end up back on it.

What about ibogaine? They run clinics in Canada, or there are extra-legal means to get ahold of the stuff.

Please don't hurt yourself; you seem like a really cool person.

in salyut related news I had to run to the clinic this morning because holy shit things were going south. They gave me k-pins and dear jesus I should have been on this years ago. Its like "fuck the world :cool:" in pill form.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

What about ibogaine? They run clinics in Canada, or there are extra-legal means to get ahold of the stuff.

Please don't hurt yourself; you seem like a really cool person.
I was once a cool person, I feel like I killed that part of me.



in salyut related news I had to run to the clinic this morning because holy shit things were going south. They gave me k-pins and dear jesus I should have been on this years ago. Its like "fuck the world :cool:" in pill form.
Sounds like something I want to be prescribed to.

[Robespierre Richard]

The worst thing about drugs I've learned is that they don't actually work...

[Salyut]

Sounds like something I want to be prescribed to.

Just don't fuck around with them. Long term use is bad and the withdrawl effects can actually put you in the hospital.

I haven't triggered today - but if I do I'll give it a shot and see if it'll stop it in its tracks.

[Salyut]

The worst thing about drugs I've learned is that they don't actually work...

Wellbrutrin turned me into a psychotic mess and then they gave me Seroquel for the anxiety... Don't touch that shit unless you really need it.

Also when I get high; I hit like 3 on the Kinsey scale. Am I bisexual but just repressing it or something? :confused:

edit: might as well get some back story out of my way.
1) Got emotionally abused for two years by a female teacher in elementary school. I have issues with women - I walk on eggshells around them and stuff like that. Not a misogynist thank god. I go caving and diving but dealing with a angry female scares me more then either of those.
2) Parents didn't believe me when I told them. Never really forgiven them for this.
3) Two learning disabilties (NLVD/ADHD).
4) EXTREMELY isolated upbringing. I basically spent 19 years on a farm 60km from the nearest city. Isolation is what I'm used to but its really really really hard to cope with now that the emotional numbness has receded.
5) Decided to try to handle issues by confronting the abuse angle. This actually worked - but it worked too well. Large parts of who I thought I was...are just self defense mechanisms that hardened into armor. They're falling off now and I've got this self-identity crisis brewing...and its snowballing with other stuff into this giant ball o' ohfuck.

Pretty much sums up where I stand.

[Summerspeaker]

This thread makes me feel like I'm in good company. :( Being constantly depressed is only natural when you live a society based on domination and exclusion. I should probably try drugs but my religious upbringing conditioned me to eschew that option. I don't know what would happen to me if I got intoxicated.

Best wishes to everyone suffering!

[Catmatic Leftist]

I'm burning out.

I can't explain feminism, racial equality, or LGBT rights to caucasian people. I make logical arguments and am polite, and all I get back are ad hominem personal attacks or a trivialization of the issue. I'm not even trying to pick a fight; I make sure it's a socially appropriate place to have such a discussion. All I get afterwards is a headache and a sour stomach.

I'm not sure of what to do anymore. I try my best to get myself out there and speak my mind, and I just get shot down. I think I'm going to take a break from political stuff.

[Summerspeaker]

I can't explain feminism, racial equality, or LGBT rights to caucasian people.

Then to hell with them! Taking a break sounds like a solid course of action.

[¿Que?]

So, I uh, just got back from a semi-blind date (I saw her picture) and I feel rather good about it. First off, in terms of my own feelings towards this other person is that she completely doesn't amaze me on a physical level. On the other hand I don't necessarily find her unattractive either. When we talk, it's relaxed but I get the sense that both of us are going through the motions. We don't want to divulge too much about ourselves, but at the same time, we are eager to cut to the chase. I don't know, a lot of it is how I feel, but I think she sort of feels the same way about me. I can tell she got annoyed because I showed up kind of late, but in all fairness, it was an accident because I missed the freeway exit and had to make a uturn. She was there about 8 minutes early anyway. The only thing that was missing was more physical contact, although we did hug when I showed up and when we left, but it wasn't really a serious hug either, it was actually a side hug. She told me to call her, and I probably will. It's really up to her at this point.

Any thoughts?

[Il Medico]

So, I uh, just got back from a semi-blind date (I saw her picture) and I feel rather good about it. First off, in terms of my own feelings towards this other person is that she completely doesn't amaze me on a physical level. On the other hand I don't necessarily find her unattractive either. When we talk, it's relaxed but I get the sense that both of us are going through the motions. We don't want to divulge too much about ourselves, but at the same time, we are eager to cut to the chase. I don't know, a lot of it is how I feel, but I think she sort of feels the same way about me. I can tell she got annoyed because I showed up kind of late, but in all fairness, it was an accident because I missed the freeway exit and had to make a uturn. She was there about 8 minutes early anyway. The only thing that was missing was more physical contact, although we did hug when I showed up and when we left, but it wasn't really a serious hug either, it was actually a side hug. She told me to call her, and I probably will. It's really up to her at this point.

Any thoughts?
Dunno, doesn't sound like either of you are particularly infatuated with each other from the way you described it.

[¿Que?]

Dunno, doesn't sound like either of you are particularly infatuated with each other from the way you described it.
Well, no, but exactly what does that preclude?

EDIT: I don't know, it's like I feel that aside from all the bullshit, I could get used to this person.

[¿Que?]

ANyway, nevermind. I just sort of wanted to pour my old heart out.

[Luisrah]

So, I uh, just got back from a semi-blind date (I saw her picture) and I feel rather good about it. First off, in terms of my own feelings towards this other person is that she completely doesn't amaze me on a physical level. On the other hand I don't necessarily find her unattractive either. When we talk, it's relaxed but I get the sense that both of us are going through the motions. We don't want to divulge too much about ourselves, but at the same time, we are eager to cut to the chase. I don't know, a lot of it is how I feel, but I think she sort of feels the same way about me. I can tell she got annoyed because I showed up kind of late, but in all fairness, it was an accident because I missed the freeway exit and had to make a uturn. She was there about 8 minutes early anyway. The only thing that was missing was more physical contact, although we did hug when I showed up and when we left, but it wasn't really a serious hug either, it was actually a side hug. She told me to call her, and I probably will. It's really up to her at this point.

Any thoughts?

You hugged in a first (and blind) date? Lol I can never do that

Well, I think it all depends on how she is in terms of personality, interests, etc. If you liked her way of thinking and talking, give her a call, go out again, know yourselves better, and who knows.

[El Chuncho]

Well, no, but exactly what does that preclude?

EDIT: I don't know, it's like I feel that aside from all the bullshit, I could get used to this person.

Well, I think you'd obviously have to go on a few more dates, really, but if you do not click before to long you should end it.

[L.A.P.]

Fuck my life.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Fuck my life.
Dude, you wanna visit my former house in Golden Gate? THAT HOUSE WAS FULL OF LIFE, and now it is broken and deserted....

so, you want me to pm you the address?? I am pretty sure you can get in secretly. I want you to take a thinking at what happen to this house and how capitalism managed to fuck it up.

Then take a walk to nearest McDonalds/BP gas station, then walk to Kmart, where I used to work. Wanna step in my foot for a while?

[Bright Banana Beard]

And for myself, I managed to get back on track after a quick depression, I was only depressed for 20 mins, I realized logical things won't help and it is all moody.

Today, a cute female coworker and I drank Corona secretly. We couldn't take the rest of the beer down due to not having personal backpack.

[727Goon]

I feel like my relationship with my girlfriend is going to shit, and I feel incredibly guilty because we have a kid together and I don't want her to grow up in a shitty family situation. I guess we're growing apart, or maybe it's just cause I'm working so much and studying for my diploma test that I never see her. I feel like I've got the responsibilities of a man but I still have to deal with the drama and bullshit of high school. I feel like a fucking bum for living with my girlfriends parents and using their computer right now. I feel like a fucking retard because I dropped out, and especially because I took a practice SAT in my friends book and got a 700 on the reading section. I feel like wasted potential, like I could have been great, been the next Malcolm X or Huey if I wanted to. I also feel like an autistic kid cause I'm terrible at math and might not even pass the basic math on the diploma test I take this thursday. I live for friday nights, when I can skate around the hood and drink beers with the old homies and get fucked up, like I used to. On the other hand I always feel guilty for partying, like I'm a terrible role model for my daughter. I'm scared about the future and I'm worried that the military might be the only way to pursue my dream of being a firefighter or emt. Sometimes everything seems hopeless, and I've thought about killing myself but my daughter gives me strength. A few weeks ago some dumb nigga was poppin off his gun in the street and I dropped to the ground and said my daughters name over and over again until the shooting stopped. I feel like my daughter is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes but I feel like a weak person and bad father to her. The worst part is I cant really talk to anyone about this shit so im posting it here.

[Il Medico]

I'm in a bit of a rut. Things just seem to keep going wrong. I've fucked myself in terms of school. I'm most likely not gonna graduate. I'm just stuck in a lethargic muck that I can't seem to pull myself out of. I have only one thing left in the air. If it goes well I think I might be happy again, at least for a while, and maybe even productive (my last happiness streak was anything but). If it doesn't, well it would be a suitingly unpleasent ending to an incredibly unpleasant series of events.

[Chambered Word]

I feel like my relationship with my girlfriend is going to shit, and I feel incredibly guilty because we have a kid together and I don't want her to grow up in a shitty family situation. I guess we're growing apart, or maybe it's just cause I'm working so much and studying for my diploma test that I never see her. I feel like I've got the responsibilities of a man but I still have to deal with the drama and bullshit of high school. I feel like a fucking bum for living with my girlfriends parents and using their computer right now. I feel like a fucking retard because I dropped out, and especially because I took a practice SAT in my friends book and got a 700 on the reading section. I feel like wasted potential, like I could have been great, been the next Malcolm X or Huey if I wanted to. I also feel like an autistic kid cause I'm terrible at math and might not even pass the basic math on the diploma test I take this thursday. I live for friday nights, when I can skate around the hood and drink beers with the old homies and get fucked up, like I used to. On the other hand I always feel guilty for partying, like I'm a terrible role model for my daughter. I'm scared about the future and I'm worried that the military might be the only way to pursue my dream of being a firefighter or emt. Sometimes everything seems hopeless, and I've thought about killing myself but my daughter gives me strength. A few weeks ago some dumb nigga was poppin off his gun in the street and I dropped to the ground and said my daughters name over and over again until the shooting stopped. I feel like my daughter is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes but I feel like a weak person and bad father to her. The worst part is I cant really talk to anyone about this shit so im posting it here.

If it's any consolation you sound like a pretty good guy to me, definately not a horrible person. I don't think you had to graduate high school in order to be the next Huey Newton either. :)

Anyway I've always fucked up in maths and people still treat me like a smart guy so don't sweat it.

Good luck with your aspirations, by the way. :)

[Ele'ill]

I woke up sweating and I don't feel alright in my head. I had a dream about my old old old house. My mother was standing in the back laundry/sink room telling me that the dog was moving her bed because the dead cat's energy was still around and making her uncomfortable. I woke up as said and it felt like everything was being sucked back inside of me- that the dog, the cat and my mother weren't real- just nightmares. I sat there trying to think of good memories, romantic memories of the house, the dog, my mother but I couldn't. I could only think of the cat ghost and the dog acting afraid and I realized then that the little gust of wind sound I heard when I woke up abruptly was my childhood finally dying.

[Quail]

Don't feel guilty for partying at the weekend. In order to give your daughter everything she needs, you have to take care of yourself too and make sure you're getting your needs met. If you and your girlfriend do drift apart, your daughter will be better off with happy parents who aren't together than unhappy ones who are.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I'll keep it short:

I really like this girl and I don't know why. There's something about her... I finally asked her out on a date.
Ended things with my fiance. If my friend doesn't pull through, I'll be moving back to Omaha immediately. If it does, I'll be living with him and probably pursuing this new girl.
Life is good and bad. I'm happy, but it could turn terrible. IDK...

[gorillafuck]

I hate school and I hate this boring town and I hate these college kids who are everywhere and are only good for making sure the town is full of alcohol.

I don't trust people to run shit, a lot of the time.

[L.A.P.]

Trying to find a way to talk to a girl you like is frustrating to the point where it ruins my day. Fuck me.

[El Chuncho]

Trying to find a way to talk to a girl you like is frustrating to the point where it ruins my day. Fuck me.

Sorry to hear that. Maybe you could meet cute or something?

Anyway, I think you should go for it, if she turns you down it is not meant to be and you will get over it and meet someone else. In the end if she doesn't want you, then you shouldn't let it worry you because the world is HUGE and there are many girls out there. ;)

[L.A.P.]

Anyway, I think you should go for it, if she turns you down it is not meant to be and you will get over it and meet someone else. In the end if she doesn't want you, then you shouldn't let it worry you because the world is HUGE and there are many girls out there. ;)

I completely agree, I'm pretty confident that I won't get turned down but my problem has always been how do I start? I don't know what to do, should I just go up and shake her hand and say hi or something?

[NoOneIsIllegal]

Anyway, I think you should go for it, if she turns you down it is not meant to be and you will get over it and meet someone else. In the end if she doesn't want you, then you shouldn't let it worry you because the world is HUGE and there are many girls out there. ;)
This.
I'm 21 and just now learning the art of dealing with asking girls out in-person. I hate the internet because of this. I've had past girlfriends, but it always seemed that shit started out online, where we first started talking and then went out. With the girl I like now, it was pretty embarrassing that I asked the forementioned girl in my last post out and I was completely nervous, shy, and red-faced about it. She reacted with an excited "yeah!" but point is: fuck the internet for making everything easier behind a screen. I was beating myself up over it for a long time, but it only took a few seconds to ask her and felt great afterward. JUST DO IT.

[¿Que?]

This.
I'm 21 and just now learning the art of dealing with asking girls out in-person. I hate the internet because of this. I've had past girlfriends, but it always seemed that shit started out online, where we first started talking and then went out. With the girl I like now, it was pretty embarrassing that I asked the forementioned girl in my last post out and I was completely nervous, shy, and red-faced about it. She reacted with an excited "yeah!" but point is: fuck the internet for making everything easier behind a screen. I was beating myself up over it for a long time, but it only took a few seconds to ask her and felt great afterward. JUST DO IT.
I don't understand what the problem with the internet is, except for when people publicly humiliate you. Then I have a problem with that. I don't know. It just seems like you're 21 and just learning. I'm 39 and just started learning "the game."

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I don't understand what the problem with the internet is, except for when people publicly humiliate you. Then I have a problem with that.
Aye. I'll try to explain my situation:
It seems like whenever I have an interest with a girl, it starts off with us talking online. We generally get where it's going, how we feel, and I can do all the early stuff like "oh, do you want to go out tonight" and such. With the situation I had now, I realized I was doing everything in-person I did before behind a screen, because we never talked on the internet, texted, etc.
It may of been extra hard considering I have a huge attraction to her and I am not sure why (yes, she's pretty, but I mean, it's not like I know a lot about her. Haven't ever really felt like this before).
tl;dr:
My beef is that I grew up hiding behind a screen, hiding my feelings behind it until I knew there was a mutual feeling, and not having to confront possibly awkward situations in-person.

It just seems like you're 21 and just learning. I'm 39 and just started learning "the game."
Wait, there's more to learn? Noooooooooooooooooooooooo :cursing:

[L.A.P.]

El Vagoneta and NoOneIsIllegal, help out a 16 year old. How the fuck do I start a off a conversation with a girl who sits on the other side of the class room and the only time we ever acknowledge our existence is glancing at each other when facing the projector screen during a movie? I've screwed up and been screwed over too many times, I'm determined to make this work.

[¿Que?]

El Vagoneta and NoOneIsIllegal, help out a 16 year old. How the fuck do I start a off a conversation with a girl who sits on the other side of the class room and the only time we ever acknowledge our existence is glancing at each other when facing the projector screen during a movie? I've screwed up and been screwed over too many times, I'm determined to make this work.
Well, if there is no assigned seating, next time just sit next to her, and mention something about her, something you like. Make a complement.

[Agent Ducky]

I am addicted to RevLeft. Help?

[Magón]

I am addicted to RevLeft. Help?

Read a book, call friends, watch a movie, etc.

[Agent Ducky]

Read a book, call friends, watch a movie, etc.

Hm, I did that, etc. Still addicted.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

Try not to be on the computer everyday. I usually try to limit myself to 4 days a week. Those 3 days are meant for trying to be social and having a life on my off-days. I know this sounds lame, but it's an honest reality: some people get addicted to the internet.

[Salyut]

El Vagoneta and NoOneIsIllegal, help out a 16 year old. How the fuck do I start a off a conversation with a girl who sits on the other side of the class room and the only time we ever acknowledge our existence is glancing at each other when facing the projector screen during a movie? I've screwed up and been screwed over too many times, I'm determined to make this work.

Welp if thats the case she's probably interested too. Go sit by her, talk to her, and eventually ask if she'd like to hang. If you over think it you'll get bogged down - just go with the flow.

[Jazzratt]

I am addicted to RevLeft. Help? You've been here for, at most, a month. I don't think you've had time to be "addicted."

---

I'll keep my post short, as most people know how mine usually go:

Bugger.

[Tablo]

I've been addicted for almost 2 years. Everytime I thought I was done with the site I came back. I feel at home posting here. :blushing:

[Magón]

Hm, I did that, etc. Still addicted.

Smoke a blunt.

[¿Que?]

I need a very manipulative person to manipulate me into developing some personal discipline habits.

[El Chuncho]

I completely agree, I'm pretty confident that I won't get turned down but my problem has always been how do I start? I don't know what to do, should I just go up and shake her hand and say hi or something?

Yes!!! You should just go up to her and say ''hi'', try to compliment her in a non-demeaning and light way (not too gushy), try to do this when she is wearing something nice or is holding an interesting book or something that you can talk about. Starting is the hardest part, once you say ''hi'' it gets much easier.;)

[El Chuncho]

This.
I'm 21 and just now learning the art of dealing with asking girls out in-person. I hate the internet because of this. I've had past girlfriends, but it always seemed that shit started out online, where we first started talking and then went out. With the girl I like now, it was pretty embarrassing that I asked the forementioned girl in my last post out and I was completely nervous, shy, and red-faced about it. She reacted with an excited "yeah!" but point is: fuck the internet for making everything easier behind a screen. I was beating myself up over it for a long time, but it only took a few seconds to ask her and felt great afterward. JUST DO IT.

Great post.

Oh and If you are in the same classes, xx1994xx, you can use that to your advantage. In fact you could strike up a conversation with her regarding the movies you watched on the projector. And you should be truthful and sincerely show interest in her opinions. Do not be afraid to have different views. ;)

[¿Que?]

Another thing I just thought of is that at the end of class, try to time it so you walk out of the classroom at the same time. The walk and talk is always nice.:)

And if it goes bad, you can always pretend you have to go the other way.

[Agent Ducky]

Smoke a blunt.

Hm, nyet.

[Red Commissar]

I've been addicted for almost 2 years. Everytime I thought I was done with the site I came back. I feel at home posting here. :blushing:

Same, but on the flipside though, I can barely fit in at other communities. So to them I've truly gone off the deep end. :lol:

[El Chuncho]

Same, but on the flipside though, I can barely fit in at other communities. So to them I've truly gone off the deep end. :lol:

I know what you are saying. I think of myself as a drifter because I am usually chased off the forum by conservatives or I just don't mesh as well. I only exist on about two forums now.

[Fawkes]

I feel the totality of my human interactions regarding displays of empathy and sadness are merely acted. I don't want to be an actor.

[¿Que?]

I feel the totality of my human interactions regarding displays of empathy and sadness are merely acted. I don't want to be an actor.
Sometimes you don't have a choice. I know this girl who was abused, and I recently asked her a very simple question, which apparently pushed a button because she went ballistic on me. I got pissed off, but I could not show it, instead, I asked if everything was ok with her and if everyone (her boyfriend mostly) was treating her ok. I really wanted to tell her off, but the fact is, the responsible thing is to put on the act.

[Il Medico]

I feel the totality of my human interactions regarding displays of empathy and sadness are merely acted. I don't want to be an actor.
I kinda know what you mean. I'm a generally empathetic person, but only to people I care for it seems. If your outside of that I tend to get an overwhelming feeling of not giving a shit about your problems. But I try to be supportive anyways, even if its an act. Thankfully this doesn't happen often.

[Fawkes]

People that are close to me seem to be the ones that I care about the least.

[El Chuncho]

People that are close to me seem to be the ones that I care about the least.

That might not be true. I think it is possible that you just feel used to them, and take them for granted, and thus you think you care about them the least. If you lose one, I think you will find that you care about them more than you could ever know.

[Fawkes]

That might not be true. I think it is possible that you just feel used to them, and take them for granted, and thus you think you care about them the least. If you lose one, I think you will find that you care about them more than you could ever know.

I'm 19 and have had more people close to me die than most 60 year olds and most of the time I really didn't give a fuck, as horrible and callous as that sounds.

[L.A.P.]

I think I'm going to ask one of her friends about her because I have an opportunity in the beginning of class when no one else is there, so it won't at all be awkward and I'll put myself out there.

[¿Que?]

I think I'm going to ask one of her friends about her because I have an opportunity in the beginning of class when no one else is there, so it won't at all be awkward and I'll put myself out there.
Good idea. Know what you're getting into. :thumbup1:

[Agent Ducky]

Hm. Well then maybe I'm just addicted to the internet >.<

[L.A.P.]

Good idea. Know what you're getting into. :thumbup1:

I'm fucking ready!

QEjgPh4SEmU

[Magón]

Hm. Well then maybe I'm just addicted to the internet >.<

Come to SF and go to the Anarchist Book Fair. You'll be off the internet, away from RevLeft for a bit, but will be getting some political insight and possibly literature to read.

and smoke a blunt

[Bright Banana Beard]

I cleaned a room, left some beers for new customer, told customer I am responsible for it and he gave me 5 dollars tip as he felts he owns me for good beer leftover.

If only I bought my bag to take it home...

[Aloysius]

Have you ever gone through massive heartbreak, think no-one will ever love you, and then find out that a friend is romantically interested, but you aren't?

I hate when that happens.

[Niccolò Rossi]

I'm a coward

Nic.

[Niccolò Rossi]

I hate cowards

Nic.

[Manic Impressive]

I hate cowards

Nic.
It takes bravery to admit to being a coward ;)

[¿Que?]

Have you ever gone through massive heartbreak, think no-one will ever love you, and then find out that a friend is romantically interested, but you aren't?

I hate when that happens.
Well, I actually find a little comfort in it. Not much, but a little. It sort of satisfying to know you have the potential to hurt someone like you've been hurt...just saying.

[PhoenixAsh]

Great

Met a girl I like at her work place. We flirted a lot, but there never was an opportunity to talk.

Finally manage to find the opportunity and the courage to ask her out.


....has a new boyfriends....since freaking yesterday.


GREAT. :(

[Bright Banana Beard]

That's a bummer, bro. I am building up my prestige around my workforce, which have more than 1200 employees.

[¿Que?]

I regret starting the infinite regress thread. It's annoying me, but maybe I'm just tired and cranky. But Syndicat just posted a really long response (not to me tho) but I still should read it *sigh* maybe tomorrow :(

[Il Medico]

I'm a coward

Nic.

I hate cowards

Nic.
I sympathize.

[Luisrah]

Dumped.

I swear next time I'll ask the girl if she is mentally stable, and if she has any problem with dating before I jump into a relationship.

When a girl tells you she's sure it won't work, try for just a little bit longer, and if it doesn't bring results, take her word for it.

[Robespierre Richard]

That's a bummer, bro. I am building up my prestige around my workforce, which have more than 1200 employees.

Are you aiming to get Prestige 10 Level 70?

[Quail]

Dumped.

I swear next time I'll ask the girl if she is mentally stable, and if she has any problem with dating before I jump into a relationship.

When a girl tells you she's sure it won't work, try for just a little bit longer, and if it doesn't bring results, take her word for it.
How on earth could you ask that without offending her?

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

Dumped.

I swear next time I'll ask the girl if she is mentally stable, and if she has any problem with dating before I jump into a relationship.

I know exactly how you feel.

[Luisrah]

How on earth could you ask that without offending her?

I'll find a way, I'll tell her right away I hate those kinds of people that change feelings in a blink.

I feel like I just suffered a great injustice, and I don't even know why.

[¿Que?]

I'll find a way, I'll tell her right away I hate those kinds of people that change feelings in a blink.

I feel like I just suffered a great injustice, and I don't even know why.
That's just your masculinist patriarchal conditioning that's telling you (about women) CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL. Just let it go dude. And if you can't, go to the self-help thread and call a crisis hotline and talk it out. You have NOT been done an injustice, no matter how bad it feels.

[Luisrah]

That's just your masculinist patriarchal conditioning that's telling you (about women) CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL. Just let it go dude. And if you can't, go to the self-help thread and call a crisis hotline and talk it out. You have NOT been done an injustice, no matter how bad it feels.

That's not what I meant. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
I was saying that the feeling was similar.

It's just like those kids that knew the risk when they wanted to touch fire, their moms told them not to, but they did, and when it hurt, their mom got angry on top of it.

[¿Que?]

That's not what I meant. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
I was saying that the feeling was similar.

It's just like those kids that knew the risk when they wanted to touch fire, their moms told them not to, but they did, and when it hurt, their mom got angry on top of it.
Ok, but I still think part of it is the patriarchy stuff. And I say this because I recently (well, actually like 6mo ago) I went through something similar. That's how I make sense of it. Ain't nuthin but a thang tho.

Anytime someone in a privileged position feels slighted, is usually because their feel their privileged status is threatened. When the girl rejected you, that throws into question your prowess for acquiring women, which threatens your conception of yourself as masculine. You feel stigmatized, but more so, you feel that the benefits you accrue from being male are being taken away. It's just an interpretation, but its applicability is pretty universal.

[Luisrah]

Ok, but I still think part of it is the patriarchy stuff. And I say this because I recently (well, actually like 6mo ago) I went through something similar. That's how I make sense of it. Ain't nuthin but a thang tho.

Anytime someone in a privileged position feels slighted, is usually because their feel their privileged status is threatened. When the girl rejected you, that throws into question your prowess for acquiring women, which threatens your conception of yourself as masculine. You feel stigmatized, but more so, you feel that the benefits you accrue from being male are being taken away. It's just an interpretation, but its applicability is pretty universal.

Maybe you're right. I hope you aren't.

[eyedrop]

Ok, but I still think part of it is the patriarchy stuff. And I say this because I recently (well, actually like 6mo ago) I went through something similar. That's how I make sense of it. Ain't nuthin but a thang tho.

Anytime someone in a privileged position feels slighted, is usually because their feel their privileged status is threatened. When the girl rejected you, that throws into question your prowess for acquiring women, which threatens your conception of yourself as masculine. You feel stigmatized, but more so, you feel that the benefits you accrue from being male are being taken away. It's just an interpretation, but its applicability is pretty universal.

So men are privileged if they find someone who loves them? And they better deal with it if they don't as all other non-privileged do. They'd better man up some.

[¿Que?]

So men are privileged if they find someone who loves them? And they better deal with it if they don't as all other non-privileged do. They'd better man up some.
I'm saying men are generally privileged as compared to women. Being sexually active can be socially stigmatizing to women. Men on the other hand enjoy higher status from being promiscuous. The words, slut, whore, loose, easy, these can be applied ot men and women, but they don't carry the same affect with men as they do with women. You have to understand that the social power relations of patriarchy are embedded within our relationships, not in spite of them.

[eyedrop]

I'm saying men are generally privileged as compared to women. Being sexually active can be socially stigmatizing to women. Men on the other hand enjoy higher status from being promiscuous. The words, slut, whore, loose, easy, these can be applied ot men and women, but they don't carry the same affect with men as they do with women.
That is all fine and dandy but I got that hypocrisy back when I was 10-12. I still don't understand what it has to do with why men are wrong to want a stable partner though.

You have to understand that the social power relations of patriarchy are embedded within our relationships, not in spite of them.
What does this concretely mean?

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I'm saying men are generally privileged as compared to women. Being sexually active can be socially stigmatizing to women. Men on the other hand enjoy higher status from being promiscuous. The words, slut, whore, loose, easy, these can be applied ot men and women, but they don't carry the same affect with men as they do with women. You have to understand that the social power relations of patriarchy are embedded within our relationships, not in spite of them.
I prefer to be referred to as a tramp. Something about it just sounds better. To me it has more of a strong feeling (which I know I'm not as strong of a woman as I wish)

[¿Que?]

That is all fine and dandy but I got that hypocrazy back when I was 10-12. I still don't understand what it has to do with why men are wrong to want a stable partner though.
I never said that. Furthermore, women vie for control in relationships all the time. I don't know what hypocrazy is.


What does this concretely mean?
Concretely it depends on the situation.

[¿Que?]

I prefer to be referred to as a tramp. Something about it just sounds better. To me it has more of a strong feeling (which I know I'm not as strong of a woman as I wish)
Yeah, I forgot tramp. Maybe some sort of subliminal disneyfication of our experiences (Lady and the Tramp?).

[eyedrop]

I never said that. Furthermore, women vie for control in relationships all the time. I don't know what hypocrazy is. I edited it to hypocrisy, I misspelled it at first.

Now I actually think I understood what you meant at first; that mens bad reaction to a women cutting of a relationship, is because patriarchy says that men should be in control of a relationship.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Yeah, I forgot tramp. Maybe some sort of subliminal disneyfication of our experiences (Lady and the Tramp?).
To me it has a feeling of "she is promiscuous, but free" which is what I'm happy with. I like my freedom.

[¿Que?]

I edited it to hypocrisy, I misspelled it at first.

Now I actually think I understood what you meant at first; that mens bad reaction to a women cutting of a relationship, is because patriarchy says that men should be in control of a relationship.
I guess, something like that, yes. But I mean, this is a very general analysis. I'm not saying men can't actually feel pain, and loss, and remorse and all that. Those feelings are real, sure, but they are tainted by the necessity to satisfy certain normative behaviors.

[Luisrah]

Oh dear, she likes someone else.

Just like that, from one day to the other. Literally.
We spent months talking about how she couldn't date me because she was afraid of getting hurt, and all her boyfriends before hurt her so much.

And when everything seemed to be going great, the next day everything is blown away. After all she was never sure about her feelings for me.

And now someone else comes, and suddenly she loses the fear. Suddenly this other guy is enough to make her overcome that fear, just like that.

[Luisrah]

But I'm fine. I did the right thing.

The rational part of me told me what was right, and I did it. I told her to loose her fear and accept the other guy and be happy with him.

If I don't have her, doesn't mean someone else shouldn't either.
And I'm happy for having done what was right.

[eyedrop]

Oh dear, she likes someone else.

Just like that, from one day to the other. Literally.
We spent months talking about how she couldn't date me because she was afraid of getting hurt, and all her boyfriends before hurt her so much.

And when everything seemed to be going great, the next day everything is blown away. After all she was never sure about her feelings for me.

And now someone else comes, and suddenly she loses the fear. Suddenly this other guy is enough to make her overcome that fear, just like that.

Sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like she liked you. All the things she has told you have been either lies or rationalization.

When people talk about feelings always assume that people are lying (even to themselves) and go by their actions.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I've learned my lesson that sometimes forgiving someone can be a good thing. So here's to my having a soft spot for bad boys.

[Salyut]

Today I will go to the anarchist bookstore.

oi oi oi

[Luisrah]

Sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like she liked you. All the things she has told you have been either lies or rationalization.

When people talk about feelings always assume that people are lying (even to themselves) and go by their actions.

Problem is her actions were confusing also. I guess she was really confused.

One time at the movies, we were only on the condition of friends, but she came close to me. I don't know how to say the word in english, but we were in adjacent seats, and she bent on me? lol You know, she put head in my shoulder like.. well you understand.

And sometimes she'd do nice things that made me think she liked me. But sometimes she did things I simply couldn't understand.

Anyway, it's over and I'm not THAT bad. I did what was right and that is making me feel very good. Plus I am trying to convince myself that the other guy is nowhere near as good as I am, and while it's not very morally correct, it is helping too lol
Another thing that helps is having a good talk with the person in question so that there won't be any questions left unanswered, and then don't watch pictures of them lol

[Quail]

So yeah, people talking about sexual assault is very triggering. I just have to pretend I'm okay when people mention it. I really wish I could post how I feel on facebook or something, but people will just think I'm a stupid attention seeking whore.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

So yeah, people talking about sexual assault is very triggering. I just have to pretend I'm okay when people mention it. I really wish I could post how I feel on facebook or something, but people will just think I'm a stupid attention seeking whore.
I wouldn't think that if one of my friends posted something up about that, I'd take it very seriously. I understand your fear, I've been there too, but you at some point should say "fuck those other people" and post/say what you feel.

[Quail]

Part of it is worrying that people will think that I can't cope. I can. I just occasionally struggle to feel like I'm a normal person. I just want to not give a shit about my body, however, I can't. I have to care.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Part of it is worrying that people will think that I can't cope. I can. I just occasionally struggle to feel like I'm a normal person. I just want to not give a shit about my body, however, I can't. I have to care.
I guess I've just accepted that my life is not normal. Also, I've accepted suffering as a reality of everyday life.

[Summerspeaker]

Do normal people actually exist? I've so, I've never gotten to know one.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Do normal people actually exist? I've so, I've never gotten to know one.
I once did, and to some extent still do, want to be but have given up on it I guess.

[Jazzratt]

Do normal people actually exist? I've so, I've never gotten to know one. To a given value of normal we all are.

[eyedrop]

Problem is her actions were confusing also. I guess she was really confused.

One time at the movies, we were only on the condition of friends, but she came close to me. I don't know how to say the word in english, but we were in adjacent seats, and she bent on me? lol You know, she put head in my shoulder like.. well you understand.

And sometimes she'd do nice things that made me think she liked me. But sometimes she did things I simply couldn't understand.

Anyway, it's over and I'm not THAT bad. I did what was right and that is making me feel very good. Plus I am trying to convince myself that the other guy is nowhere near as good as I am, and while it's not very morally correct, it is helping too lol
Another thing that helps is having a good talk with the person in question so that there won't be any questions left unanswered, and then don't watch pictures of them lol
Why wasn't she ready for a relationship when it was about you, but suddenly she was ready when it was another guy.

People touch each other, and cuddle, without seeing each other as relationship material.

[Luisrah]

Why wasn't she ready for a relationship when it was about you, but suddenly she was ready when it was another guy.

People touch each other, and cuddle, without seeing each other as relationship material.

Well, we kissed. Atleast where I live it isn't normal to kiss a person you don't have feelings for, and she was like that.

But it's fine. I told her to go to the other guy, it was the right and rational thing to do, but my emotional side secretly hopes the other guy turns out to be a jerk and/or that she will realize she has feelings for me lol

[eyedrop]

Well, we kissed. Atleast where I live it isn't normal to kiss a person you don't have feelings for, and she was like that.

But it's fine. I told her to go to the other guy, it was the right and rational thing to do, but my emotional side secretly hopes the other guy turns out to be a jerk and/or that she will realize she has feelings for me lol

Kissing changes things somewhat.

I'm still a fan of the don't overthink it approach, whichever path randomness of live takes you is probably fun as well.

[Luisrah]

Kissing changes things somewhat.

I'm still a fan of the don't overthink it approach, whichever path randomness of live takes you is probably fun as well.

I'm meeting someone else already hehe It's a long time friend, it's not really going to turn into something, but I'm feeling great about it.

I think I'm healed. The girl wasn't really the girl for me.

[¿Que?]

I once did, and to some extent still do, want to be but have given up on it I guess.
Fuck normalcy!

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Fuck normalcy!
See I wanted a husband and kids and to fit into the little dream of mediocrity, but you see, I can't have that because reality cracked the whip and I woke up to the word Tramp.

[¿Que?]

See I wanted a husband and kids and to fit into the little dream of mediocrity, but you see, I can't have that because reality cracked the whip and I woke up to the word Tramp.
Well that sounds complicated. Waking up to a past you don't want to forget but sort of want to leave behind can throw you off course.

[¿Que?]

Fucking professors, all they want to do is make you work. They're like managers, they don't give a shit about anything but getting you graduated, so that they can report their success rates to some government program that gives them money. They also want to quit having to pay you, so they put extra high conditions on your employment. Pretty soon they'll have publication requirements for TA's. This is what I was meant to do. Basically to piss all over academe. I knew I had to get my foot in the door, but now, the possibilities are endless...

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Well that sounds complicated. Waking up to a past you don't want to forget but sort of want to leave behind can throw you off course.
Oh hon, that is just the tip of the ice berg. I'm a poster child for behavior modification survivors. My hormone levels have me a decade younger than my age. The part of the brain that says "that might have reprocussions later on" and "that is probably a bad idea" never fully developed the way it should have by now. There are plenty of traumas. Don't even ask about my addictions.

Now put all that together and you get me.

[¿Que?]

Oh hon, that is just the tip of the ice berg. I'm a poster child for behavior modification survivors. My hormone levels have me a decade younger than my age. The part of the brain that says "that might have reprocussions later on" and "that is probably a bad idea" never fully developed the way it should have by now. There are plenty of traumas. Don't even ask about my addictions.

Now put all that together and you get me.
Yeah, I know about your addictions. Meh, it just seems to me that there are conflicting and contradicting effects on people, like all sorts of interconnected pulls and pushes, and we find ourselves as pullers and pushers too. We're all interconnected like that. But the thing is, when people think different, they want to break free from that connectedness, or they want to change the direction, then sometimes they get pulled and pushed the hardest. Women who think different, who do not settle for domestic life, for example, introduce into their lives all sorts of problems, just by virtue of asserting their rights as humans. It's tough and demoralizing, and all around depressing, but at the same time, we can find beauty in the defeats, the shame and the hurt/pain. Some people can barely afford to eat. How can you deny them the right to be fed, by any means necessary? Life goes on...

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Yeah, I know about your addictions. Meh, it just seems to me that there are conflicting and contradicting effects on people, like all sorts of interconnected pulls and pushes, and we find ourselves as pullers and pushers too. We're all interconnected like that. But the thing is, when people think different, they want to break free from that connectedness, or they want to change the direction, then sometimes they get pulled and pushed the hardest. Women who think different, who do not settle for domestic life, for example, introduce into their lives all sorts of problems, just by virtue of asserting their rights as humans. It's tough and demoralizing, and all around depressing, but at the same time, we can find beauty in the defeats, the shame and the hurt/pain. Some people can barely afford to eat. How can you deny them the right to be fed, by any means necessary? Life goes on...
If I didn't try to starve myself I'd have problems affording food. But I usually have to smoke weed to make myself eat.

[PhoenixAsh]

...ok...so...just had a date with a nice girl. Or so it seemed. Turned out to be the worst date ever..

We had seen each other for some time at the grocery store. Seriously...meeting somebody over the vegetable stand. :-S

Lot of flirting...we both liked each other and there was a definate click. And finally this afternoon she did ask me if I liked to come over for some drinks later. Me happy....not everyday a girl takes the initiative...so that is flattering :-)

So everything was really well. Immediately deep conversations...really understood each other. So I started to get all warm and fuzzy inside. Things were really going well.

We got to talk about politics.

Somewhere she mentioned a specific demo a year or so back...turned out I was there too. I thought great...who would not? Right?...sharing the same political with somebody you just met by chance...wel...thats a bit rare. So we started to discus politics...

But at that point she did become more distant.

Turned out I could not have been more wrong and...she was there for a whole different reason. Turned out she was a police officer (she is not anymore...but her borthers still are)...things went down hill from there.

Eventually I did end in a big argument and I left.

f***

And just when I started to really like her. :(

[Ele'ill]

What did she say about your politics and how did the fight go?

[crazyirish93]

...ok...so...just had a date with a nice girl. Or so it seemed. Turned out to be the worst date ever..

We had seen each other for some time at the grocery store. Seriously...meeting somebody over the vegetable stand. :-S

Lot of flirting...we both liked each other and there was a definate click. And finally this afternoon she did ask me if I liked to come over for some drinks later. Me happy....not everyday a girl takes the initiative...so that is flattering :-)

So everything was really well. Immediately deep conversations...really understood each other. So I started to get all warm and fuzzy inside. Things were really going well.

We got to talk about politics.

Somewhere she mentioned a specific demo a year or so back...turned out I was there too. I thought great...who would not? Right?...sharing the same political with somebody you just met by chance...wel...thats a bit rare. So we started to discus politics...

But at that point she did become more distant.

Turned out I could not have been more wrong and...she was there for a whole different reason. Turned out she was a police officer (she is not anymore...but her borthers still are)...things went down hill from there.

Eventually I did end in a big argument and I left.

f***

And just when I started to really like her. :(

tip never ever bring up politics

[Summerspeaker]

Fucking professors, all they want to do is make you work. They're like managers, they don't give a shit about anything but getting you graduated, so that they can report their success rates to some government program that gives them money.

Indeed. Omar Ramirez calls it the Imperial Academy for a reason.

[¿Que?]

Indeed. Omar Ramirez calls it the Imperial Academy for a reason.
Who?

[PhoenixAsh]

What did she say about your politics and how did the fight go?


Well...It started with affordable housing...and from there she mentioned Vrankrijk (which was/is a squatters location in Amsterdam in Holland) which led her to say that all squatters are unwashed, parasites who just refuse to conform and therefore are a burden to society and refuse to contribute in a meaningful way just like the rest of us.....and that this was her opinion based on what she had seen from evictions she had participated in.

It got worse from here....because she extrapolated that every political group which is opposeing the curent structure of society refuses to see that things are the way they are because nothing else works and that this is the only way it works....and that socialists/anarchists and communists are basically people who function at the margins of society always kicking never contributing.

So...I asked he how she liked the fact that she was 30 single and employed and allowed to vote, has health care...and earns above a minimum wage...which we also have. And asked her how she thought that these rights were gained....and who had fought for these rights.

Which...may not have been the best approach....but by that time I had spend more than half an hour to her rant against everything I believe in and pretty much figured that the whole thing was not going to work between her and me.

anyways...her opinion was that this has already happened in the past and therefore is useless today and that everything is alright now.

So I asked her how she felt about it being the only way that worked and women making an avarage of 30% less than men for the same job.

And things just regressed from there.

Until the point that she was actually saying that immigrants were causing crime and that I did not know what I was talking about since I had not been a police officer.

So...politically....we were just very far apart. And the whole cop thing makes me not trust her at all.

[PhoenixAsh]

tip never ever bring up politics

well....since I am looking for something serious I kind of want to know if political views are at least acceptable.

[Robespierre Richard]

Couldve swallowed your pride and dated her to gain access to police secrets and possibly weaponry, just saying.

Horizontal infiltration. :cool:

[Bright Banana Beard]

I am an atheist but I can't find an cute atheist girl out here. Pretty much the Christian girls freaked out when I say I am an atheist.

Fuck my life.

[¿Que?]

I am an atheist but I can't find an cute atheist girl out here. Pretty much the Christian girls freaked out when I say I am an atheist.

Fuck my life.
Don't say you're an atheist. Or try for the "spiritual but not religious" girls. They tend to be more understanding about that sort of thing.

[eyedrop]

I am an atheist but I can't find an cute atheist girl out here. Pretty much the Christian girls freaked out when I say I am an atheist.

Fuck my life.

It's hard to not keep your anti-america prejudices intact when you read things like this.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I really don't know what to say after today except maybe.... Fuck my life? Yeah, fuck it.

[Quail]

Fat whore is all I have to say.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I broke my writer's block today.

[El Chuncho]

I broke my writer's block today.

Can it be fixed? :confused:





:laugh:

[black magick hustla]

you know drama is widespread when your fb friend list mysteriously shrinks the next day

[Fawkes]

another dead kid

[NoOneIsIllegal]

Forever is such an unpleasant word.

[psgchisolm]

Couldve swallowed your pride and dated her to gain access to police secrets and possibly weaponry, just saying.

Horizontal infiltration. :cool::laugh:

Well. I still have no one and am just on revleft again to fill my time. What's the best way to approach a girl in HS.

[Kuppo Shakur]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
amirite?

[NoOneIsIllegal]

you are indeed rite











wing

[Chambered Word]

you know drama is widespread when your fb friend list mysteriously shrinks the next day

wish mine would. don't even want contact with half of the tools from my school.

[Luisrah]

It always annoys me that I've never had a girl approach me to try and know me better (with the goal of dating)

Must it always be the guy that does it? Or am I simply ugly and/or with bad tastes? lol

[NoOneIsIllegal]

That awkward moment when you know I know.

[SacRedMan]

I don't get done what I want.

[Summerspeaker]

I see no credible basis upon which to claim membership in the human species. (Does that mean I should join these folks (http://transhumanseparatist.com/)?)

[Manic Impressive]

I see no credible basis upon which to claim membership in the human species. (Does that mean I should join these folks (http://transhumanseparatist.com/)?)
In some ways that blog makes a lot of sense if a little misanthropic but when I say "have a good one" or even just "thank you" I do actually mean it.

Ok now for my moan I can't sleep I can't fucking sleep and I'm running out of cigarettes. It makes no sense that I can't sleep I've had 6 hours sleep in the last 72 hours I haven't eaten in over 24 hours and this evening I played a ninety minute football match. This also makes no sense because I'm so fucking tired

AAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGGGHHHHH

[Salyut]

I see no credible basis upon which to claim membership in the human species. (Does that mean I should join these folks (http://transhumanseparatist.com/)?)

p. sure thats just a bunch of furries

I wanted to contribute to Orion's Arm once upon a time - joined the mailing list and then I'm overwhelmed with weaboo tech (INTERDIMENSIONAL KATANAS) and torture porn starring cyborg kangaroos.

:(

[Summerspeaker]

Transhuman separatists aren't furries or otherkin, though similarities exist between the various groups. You might even see some overlap.

On topic, I feel like literally pouring my heart out. Seems like a fun way to go. I'll have to work on the technical details.

[Il Medico]

Tomorrow could be fantastic or miserable. The latter is most likely.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I have to say, I find my black coworker a cool lady to chill out. I even thinking about going out with her.

[Magón]

Word of advice to anyone who dislikes/hates, anyone enough to tell others. Don't tell others, keep it to yourself, or if you do tell others, make sure it's the person you dislike/hate, because you never know how they'll react when told by someone else.

Like today. There's this guy in a class of mine, I don't really know him outside class, but before class he's always making fucked up remarks and laughs loudly when some of us are trying to get a few extra minutes of study time in. So I told a friend of mine who takes the class with me, that I really didn't like the guy because of some remarks he's made and annoying attitude, a couple days ago. Well today, the guy comes up to me, gets in my face, and starts going off about the real reason I don't like him, is because he's apparently Gay. :confused:

1. I didn't know he was Gay in the first place. He's not such a flamboyant dressed or mannered Gay dude, nor have I ever seen how he is outside of class.

2. Nor would I hate him because of his sexuality.

3. Apparently I'm a anti-Gay homophobe to him, even though I plainly laid it out for him, that I have plenty of gay/lesbian friends, and the reason I hate him is because of remarks he's said about color of skin, and other shit like that (and to add to the list, his inexcusable use of being Gay, as a tool to make someone look homophobic or anti-Gay). And of course his loud "uncontrolled" outbursts of laughter, or just general ignorance towards those of us who are busy studying.

Some people man, they'll use any excuse/"reasoning" they can grab at, to try and make you look bad.

[Il Medico]

Tomorrow could be fantastic or miserable. The latter is most likely.
Yet, it was the former, love it when that happens.

[gorillafuck]

what happened?

[Il Medico]

what happened?
Well I figured today would follow this pattern:
Wake Up
Do Math
Get Rejected
Fail French Exam
Get *****ed at

But it instead went like this:
Wake Up
Do Math
Get not rejected
Pass French Exam
Hang out with friends and have Sushi

[Salyut]

wow i have a lot of self hate

[Jazzratt]

Well I figured today would follow this pattern:
Wake Up
Do Math
Get Rejected
Fail French Exam
Get *****ed at

But it instead went like this:
Wake Up
Do Math
Get not rejected
Pass French Exam
Hang out with friends and have Sushi When I first read through this I read those as "do meth" and got kind of worried.

[Il Medico]

When I first read through this I read those as "do meth" and got kind of worried.
:lol: Nah man, that ain't my bag.

I shoot smack instead. :p

[Quail]

Hot, sunny days like this make me wonder why the fuck I thought it was a good idea to cut up my arms. No matter what you wear, if it's long sleeved, you're constantly fucking boiling.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

:lol: Nah man, that ain't my bag.

I shoot smack instead. :p
I prefer to chase my dragons.

[Bright Banana Beard]

shoot smack or chase my dragons? What is this? Real Life Roly Playing Fantasy??

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

shoot smack or chase my dragons? What is this? Real Life Roly Playing Fantasy??
Chasing the dragon is a way to do H by smoking it. Shooting it refers to rigging it. Ya dig?

[Bright Banana Beard]

Oooh i see. I am now an idiot. :(

[Magón]

Oooh i see. I am now an idiot. :(

No, you're now educated. ;)

[Quail]

I don't know if ways to do smack is the most useful knowledge out there.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I wish my car could handle long-distance driving. I'm moving back to Omaha soon, and renting a U-Haul/Budget truck, along with a tow, costs too much. I'll have to use my entire paycheck, and borrow at least $200, just for the damn moving expenses. I have no clue about food and other living expenses, since I'm already in debt on credit cards and stuff. I'll have a job lined up, but this will be an extremely rough 2 weeks to survive.

[Luisrah]

I don't know who said it before too, but I'm a fucking coward too, and I hate myself for knowing it.

I don't like being it, but I can't help it. I can't even talk freely about this with my parents, because I am ashamed of it.

My father was in prison during the Salazar regime. He was tortured for information. They wouldn't let him sleep, they would hit him, point a gun at his head, but he never revealed a thing. He's a fucking hero, and I'd like to think I could do the same, but I'm not sure I would be so brave.

I feel like I should be doing more for the world than I am doing now. I also feel a great change is coming to me, and I hope it is for the best. I hope I become the man I always dreamt of being.

I live a comfortable life, and my parents didn't. I know it's probably stupid, but I feel bad for it, for having a comfortable life when people suffered, and are suffering a lot, and I don't even have the courage to do something about it, to make a speech and read it on stage in the celebration of the 37th of the portuguese revolution, I even have problems singing the songs of the revolution in loud voice while everyone else is doing it.

''Who is this 17 year old thinking he's so smart? He didn't live the time, your generation sucks, you didn't suffer torture like we did, you didn't fear having to go to the war!'' I know they don't think that, but I just get so nervous, and I'm super shy, and I imagine everyone thinking that.

I hope it changes someday

[Il Medico]

So, guys and gals, I ask you this. If you asked someone to the prom and they said 'yes' if they weren't going with someone who had kinda asked them before you (aka it wasn't a for sure thing) You ask them a few days later if they know anymore about it. They say they're going with the other person. The next day you are talking to the other person and find out they weren't planning to go with anyone. (let alone the person you had asked)

What would you think?

[Luisrah]

So, guys and gals, I ask you this. If you asked someone to the prom and they said 'yes' if they weren't going with someone who had kinda asked them before you (aka it wasn't a for sure thing) You ask them a few days later if they know anymore about it. They say they're going with the other person. The next day you are talking to the other person and find out they weren't planning to go with anyone. (let alone the person you had asked)

What would you think?

Either it's a huge misunderstandment, or that person doesn't want to go with you. I'm sorry, I've had that before, and it sucks, but it's what I would think.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I don't know if ways to do smack is the most useful knowledge out there.
I know, I still miss it, but I've been clean for a while.

[Jazzratt]

What would you think? I would think it's time for a bottle or three of booze. It's the only way to make any sort of decision about anything.

[¿Que?]

I might be getting fired. FML.

[Il Medico]

I would think it's time for a bottle or three of booze. It's the only way to make any sort of decision about anything.
All I got is whiskey. (Which just ain't my bag honestly)

I might get some wine tomorrow though, if so, I'll drink to that.

[Kuppo Shakur]

So, hey, just thought I would stop by and let everybody know that I am completely worthless and can't do anything.

[The Man]

I can't stop thinking about my Ex-Girlfriend that left me in February...

[ComradeGrant]

Spent all day walking around this tiny town because at the moment I hate everything.

[Dumb]

C--------
Not quite
----------Em--G6-Em-
what you need today
----G6--Em--
But long ago,
----G6--Em--
and far away
C-----------------Em----------G6---Em--
you wouldn't have seen me any other way
G6--Em--
Long ago,
G6--Em--
far away
C---------------Em--------------G6-------Em--
I was something more than what's left here today
G6--Em--
Long ago,
G6--Em--
far away
C-----------------Em--------------G6-----Bm7--
Felt like something more than just a bone machine

[¿Que?]

IV2FJG3YYyc

[¿Que?]

Got paid. Paid all my bills. Met someone. Could be snuggling right now if I didn't have this damn paper to write. Hopefully we'll still be feeling it tomorrow...

[Aurora]

I've been mood swinging pretty bad, felt great this morning but now can't stop ruminating about how fucked i was, am and will be.. my first thought was to get alcohol but i managed to push that thought away and took some anti-depressants instead, progress...

i say this here cause i can't say this shit to anyone..

[Luisrah]

Yeah I've been having mood swings too. It sucks, the bad mood always wins.

When you feel bad, you feel bad, and when you feel bad, you realise that sooner or later you're going to feel bad again.
It sucks.

[Terminator X]

So, this week has made me realize that I identify with approximately .0001% of the US population. Even friends of mine who consider themselves "left" have hopped on the Bin Laden bandwagon, alternately praising Obama as "amazing," extolling the virtues of the US military, and telling Bin Laden jokes ad nauseum. I'm sick of the whole fucking thing, and I'm probably going to delete my Facebook account, or at least take a long break from everything social media-oriented.

Thank the fuck Christ for RevLeft and a few like-minded souls, otherwise I'd hate virtually everyone.

[Catmatic Leftist]

I'm finally starting to get a grasp of "dialectics" and "dialetical materialism." Today is such great day! :)

[Catmatic Leftist]

So, this week has made me realize that I identify with approximately .0001% of the US population. Even friends of mine who consider themselves "left" have hopped on the Bin Laden bandwagon, alternately praising Obama as "amazing," extolling the virtues of the US military, and telling Bin Laden jokes ad nauseum. I'm sick of the whole fucking thing, and I'm probably going to delete my Facebook account, or at least take a long break from everything social media-oriented.

Thank the fuck Christ for RevLeft and a few like-minded souls, otherwise I'd hate virtually everyone.

Amen. But that's what trolling is for. ;)

[¿Que?]

So yeah, I guess I have a friend who likes Ayn Rand. Nicest person I ever met.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I have dad issues.

[Quail]

I hate spending all day resisting doing something that I shouldn't, feeling quite proud of myself, and then ending up doing it anyway at half 12 in the morning before bed. :(

[gorillafuck]

:(

What was it? Was it making yourself throw up?

[Quail]

Well, and the eating an excessive amount beforehand. I've spent the whole day surrounded by tasty, unhealthy food and not had any of it, but then ended up eating a load of cereal tonight. I wasn't even hungry.

[gorillafuck]

Eating cereal (healthy food) when you're not hungry isn't unhealthy or out of the ordinary at all.

That sucks, though. Why do you feel the need to purge yourself?

[Quail]

Because by "a load of cereal" I don't mean a normal sized bowl, I mean most of a box with loads of soy milk and water. Being so full feels pretty gross, and I shouldn't have eaten it. I dunno. I had some healthy stuff earlier, so it wasn't like I needed it. I'm just weird I guess. Eating only feels okay if it's healthy, low fat, low sugar stuff, otherwise it just feels icky.

Apparently my body image is very distorted, and it's been getting to me a lot recently, to the point that I'm uncomfortable with people hugging me because I feel as though all they can feel is how massive I am.

[gorillafuck]

Because by "a load of cereal" I don't mean a normal sized bowl, I mean most of a box with loads of soy milk and water. Being so full feels pretty gross, and I shouldn't have eaten it. I dunno. I had some healthy stuff earlier, so it wasn't like I needed it. I'm just weird I guess. Eating only feels okay if it's healthy, low fat, low sugar stuff, otherwise it just feels icky.Water in cereal?:unsure:

But seriously, that probably won't do anything negative to you at all if you didn't throw it up. Also, soy milk and water is outrageously healthy.


Apparently my body image is very distorted, and it's been getting to me a lot recently, to the point that I'm uncomfortable with people hugging me because I feel as though all they can feel is how massive I am.Well if you binge and purge, then you're probably not fat in the very least. Like, at all.

What makes you think you're fat?

[Bright Banana Beard]

my heart, it is blessed with tons of smile in the world.
this world , already forsaken my mind, is full of beauty.
such beauty is immeasurable and are in full value
oh world, how much I seek your pain and harness it in my heart.

it will never be the same.

[Quail]

I don't put water on my cereal haha that would be horrible, I meant that I was drinking water with it. I drink loads of water but am constantly dehydrated.

I've ditched the scale for the time being because I've gained a little weight and have been getting the, "You look much better!" comments (which is actually like the worst thing anyone can say) so I just go by my reflection. It's difficult to believe that the way you see yourself in the mirror is wrong. Objectively, I must be quite small given that I fit into small clothes, but I can tell myself these things all day and I'll still never believe them. I'm usually quite rational too, being a maths student and all, but not about this.

[gorillafuck]

I don't put water on my cereal haha that would be horrible, I meant that I was drinking water with it. I drink loads of water but am constantly dehydrated.That has to do with purging.


I've ditched the scale for the time being because I've gained a little weight and have been getting the, "You look much better!" comments (which is actually like the worst thing anyone can say) so I just go by my reflection. It's difficult to believe that the way you see yourself in the mirror is wrong. Objectively, I must be quite small given that I fit into small clothes, but I can tell myself these things all day and I'll still never believe them. I'm usually quite rational too, being a maths student and all, but not about this.It is probably hard to see yourself beyond your reflection, that's tough. I don't quite know what to say about that except that you're not fat.

If it helps, the vast majority of guys don't give a shit at all if a girl is a bit chubby. Girls are often surprised when they hear that from guys. And you're not even chubby so you are thin. Probably doesn't help because I'm probably the 1000th person to say that but just in case.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

That has to do with purging.
That explains my dehydration.

[Quail]

If it helps, the vast majority of guys don't give a shit at all if a girl is a bit chubby. Girls are often surprised when they hear that from guys. And you're not even chubby so you are thin. Probably doesn't help because I'm probably the 1000th person to say that but just in case.
I don't look at women's bodies and think, she has wobbly bits, yuck! In fact, I don't really like skinny women. I know other people don't notice the bits of myself I don't like, but in the end, I want to be able to accept myself because it's my own opinion of myself that's causing me to damage my body in this stupid way.


That explains my dehydration.
If I get really badly dehydrated, sports drinks are quite good. You can also get rehydration sachets from the chemist, but they taste foul.

[gorillafuck]

I don't look at women's bodies and think, she has wobbly bits, yuck! In fact, I don't really like skinny women. I know other people don't notice the bits of myself I don't like, but in the end, I want to be able to accept myself because it's my own opinion of myself that's causing me to damage my body in this stupid way.You have a support group or something?

anywho, work through it regardless.