Becoming family with the bourgeoisie!

[NoOneIsIllegal]

With the internet being so easy to navigate through, I should probably not list a certain name or two, so I'll keep it vague. But that probably won't matter... Anyway, my cousin is marrying the grandson of a man who is typically considered the richest man in the world, or at least always put on the yearly top 3.

My question is:
1) How do I crash this wedding?
2) How do I get myself into his will?


Small fucking world...

[Comrade J]

Try and get something on this guy your cousin is marrying, is he unfaithful etc.

Then when his rich grandpa dies, he inherits a fortune, you show your cousin the proof that this guy is a dick, they divorce, she gets half, gives you some for being a really considerate cousin, and then you donate it to struggles in countries that this man's business exploits. And give like 25% to me for coming up with a genius plan.

[coda]

good stuff, J!

[Rafiq]

I'll tell you, just give me 4%.

[hatzel]

I'll tell you, just give me 4%.

How much do we have to give you just to find out why you demand 4%? Seems like a pretty specific figure, there must be a reason there...:blink:

[Robespierre Richard]

Your cousin is marrying the grandson of Carlos Slim? Can she throw a couple keys my way?

I mean not to flip, but you know...

[NoOneIsIllegal]

^ Close enough. Warren Buffet.

Comrade J: man, it would work, but that sure is a lot of work...

Rafiq: 4% eh? If he gave me all his wealth, that'd be around $1.6 billion, I think... You gotta start dancing, puppet!

[The Man]

Your cousin is marrying Warren Buffet?:laugh:

[NoOneIsIllegal]

My cousin is marrying the grandson of Warren Buffet, which practically makes me and Warren homies and bros 4 lyfe.

[Comrade J]

Are you and your cousin close? If she divorces and gets half, will she buy you cool shit?

[NoOneIsIllegal]

Not really. I'm close to certain cousins, but not her. I would be, but my mom was one of nine children, so I mean... I gotta pick and choose who I hang out with at family get-togethers, and alas she was not chosen. I can't be a free-for-all man!

But better late to become close than never, right?
-.-

[Comrade J]

Definitely, you better get her something really thoughtful and expensive as a wedding gift. Give a heartwarming speech about your "favourite cousin" at the wedding, try shed a tear or two. ;)

[The Man]

So are you going to join the Bourgeoisie in the Class war? :(

[NoOneIsIllegal]

It's only natural that I make good with them, only to find out where they live so I can ding-dong-ditch 'em.
CLASS WAR PRANKS, GO!
(I already know where Buffet lives; why haven't I done this yet?!)

[ʇsıɥɔɹɐuɐ ıɯɐbıɹo]

It's only natural that I make good with them, only to find out where they live so I can ding-dong-ditch 'em.
CLASS WAR PRANKS, GO!
(I already know where Buffet lives; why haven't I done this yet?!)

Because you'd be hunted down and shot by by a marksman in an expensive helicopter? :laugh:

[The Man]

It's only natural that I make good with them, only to find out where they live so I can ding-dong-ditch 'em.
CLASS WAR PRANKS, GO!
(I already know where Buffet lives; why haven't I done this yet?!)

Ah, a double agent. You have contributed much to our movement, comrade :laugh:
DING-DONG DITCHERISTS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

[Lenina Rosenweg]

Here's an idea-get certified as a nurse or some sort of home healthcare aid. Next find some reason to hang out with Warren so he gets familiar and comfortable with you. Read whatever stuff he writes for the Financial Times or the WSJ (he's fairly intelligent and while not exactly a Joseph Stieglitz, comes close to being a progressive bourgeois, for whatever that's worth) and quote it back to him. Stroke, stroke, stroke that ego.

When Mr. Buffet can no longer care for himself insinuate yourself as a caretaker, if not a "primary caregiver" at least get yourself in a position where you help him out part time.Then, in the fullness of time hopefully you'll get something, at the very least a nice sports car but hopefully a lot more.

One thing though-if you are a recipient of much moolah from Mr. Buffet, please donate at least part of this to the socialist organization of your choice, so we won't have to live under this horrible system anymore.

[Tablo]

Ignore all these people. Keep all the money and get yourself a jet and a mound of coke. It will be much more worthwhile. :thumbup1:

[Rafiq]

How much do we have to give you just to find out why you demand 4%? Seems like a pretty specific figure, there must be a reason there...:blink:

Since I'm generous, I will tell you that for free....

4% is fine

[Obs]

What the FUCK.

[Robespierre Richard]

What the FUCK.

I mean just SHIT MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN

[Il Medico]

Here's what you do. (hypothetically speaking)

You first get close to your cousin.
Like really close, be her/hes best friend.
Once that is achieved, use a little subterfuge skill to get all the money to go straight to the grandson. Then make sure he (the grandson) has your cousin as the only inheritor in his will. Hire a new best mate to chill with you for a few months to make it believable that your friends, then introduce him to Buffet, at this time he will pick buffet with a ring laced with a slow acting and nearly undetectable poison and a numbing agent so he won't feel it during the handshake. A few days later Buffet dies a seemingly natural death. At the funeral your 'friend' will employ the same method while giving his condolences to the grandson. A few days later he will also die. Your cousin is grief stricken and you support her/him, in return they give you a large sum of money. You gift this friend his dream home (a nice chateau on the Champs Elysee in Paris) for 'being there for you'.

You take out two bourgeoisie and get rich. Plus your friend gets a very nice house. (with a fully stocked library of course). It's a win, win, win.

[Magón]

Extort. Extort. EXTORT!!!!!!!!! :wub: