Pour Your Heart Out Thread IV

[RedAnarchist]

You know what to do.

[RedAnarchist]

Hur hur hur FIRST! hur hur...

[Fawkes]

Hur hur hur FIRST! hur hur...

I hate you.



That's me pouring my heart out. And you don't count as first.



I DO!

[¿Que?]

Second.

[Aloysius]

I'm really diggin' the distinct lack of "pouring your heart out".
Why is that the first page of a lot of these threads turns into some sort of cock-waving contest?

I feel terrible, by the by.
Still angry, but mostly bitter.

[Fawkes]

I did pour my heart out.



In other news, why as soon as I get over strep do I develop a cough? fucking weak

[Quail]

In other news, why as soon as I get over strep do I develop a cough? fucking weak
I'm constantly ill. My immune system seems to be shot, possibly due to my erratic diet.

[Fawkes]

I'm constantly ill. My immune system seems to be shot, possibly due to my erratic diet.

That sucks, one of my friends is like that. The weird thing is that I usually never get sick.... laaame

[Quail]

I'm just used to being ill all the time. It does suck, but I've just kind of accepted it. I assume that when I recover from my eating stuff I'll be less ill all the time, but until then I'll just live with it. It would be great if recovery required no effort or commitment. I like the idea of being well, but not getting well. Looks like I'm doomed to have a crappy immune system for some time.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I need a nap

[Aurora]

I wish i could sing beautifully :blushing:

That's the last of my masculinity floating away right there... fuck it i never cared too much for it anyways.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I can sing alright, despite being hard of hearing..

[¿Que?]

A certain woman annoys me. I feel bad. She's smart, but she don't like to talk about theory or politics or anything I find interesting. Sad thing is, I'm pretty sure none of that has anything to do with why I find her annoying...

Just being honest.

[Jazzratt]

I wish I knew what to do.

[¿Que?]

I wish I knew what to do.
Ain't nothin' but a thing. What you drinking anyway? (I meant to ask in the other thread)

[Fawkes]

I wish I knew what to do.

bTKCFh8qcik

[Jazzratt]

Ain't nothin' but a thing. What you drinking anyway? (I meant to ask in the other thread) Ale. I'm drinking ale.

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

Fuck you all!!

Try having a crack daddy for a father and a cocaine mamma for a mother till yout 14 years old and then dealing with the divorce in between. you all have it easy....

call yourself hardcore, now i understand why the fuck Henry Rollins has such a dim personality, fuck you Fawkes! and that other hardcore kid RAAN
kid with the FSU, fucking posers....

[Fawkes]

Uh, yeah, okay....

Just for the hell of it, I'll assume you're being serious.

1. You don't know anything about me, my childhood, or my family situation, so fuck off.
2. I never said I was "hardcore", and not having a crackhead for a dad doesn't dictate whether or not I am in the first place
3. Henry Rollins is a douche. I've seen more death at 19 than most 60 year olds living in the U.S. have and that hasn't made me a macho fucking prick.

I saw another thread where you said you were drunk, so I'm assuming you were when you posted this, but don't fuckin think you're the only one who has ever had to deal with shit in your life, cause you're not. Seeing your unconscious step mom slip off your bed with a bottle of pills in her hand after a suicide attempt or having all the cops in your town comment on how they "love it every time [they] come to this house" ain't exactly an ideal living situation, so fuck you.

[gorillafuck]

Everything else you said is fine, but how is Henry Rollins a douche?

Is this one of those situations where it's part of "feminism" to dislike someone for being masculine? Despite that he's also a speaker on behalf of gay rights?

[Fawkes]

Everything else you said is fine, but how is Henry Rollins a douche?

Is this one of those situations where it's part of "feminism" to dislike someone for being masculine? Despite that he's also a speaker on behalf of gay rights?

Cause he is a macho asshole that kicked the shit out of his fans for no reason. He's also obnoxiously dogmatic in his views on pretty much everything.

Edit: I can be very abrasive, confrontational, and violent when I perform, but there's a difference between that and physically beating people down.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I am so lonely, Mr. lonely, I have nobody, I am on my own.......

[¿Que?]

I am so lonely, Mr. lonely, I have nobody, I am on my own.......
I know how you feel. I hate to sound cliche, but have you tried to go out and meet people. It's a crap shoot, and can be pretty unsatisfying most of the time, but every once in a blue moon it pays off, I guess. Or maybe not, I don't know. I feel lonely too, but that's because I got drunk last night, and that's usually how I feel the next day...

[gorillafuck]

Cause he is a macho asshole that kicked the shit out of his fans for no reason. He's also obnoxiously dogmatic in his views on pretty much everything.

Edit: I can be very abrasive, confrontational, and violent when I perform, but there's a difference between that and physically beating people down.
I've heard of him assaulting a crowd member but honestly I haven't heard that that happened very often.

p.s. I feel like I would be a sick frontman for a band:lol:

[Fawkes]

I've heard of him assaulting a crowd member but honestly I haven't heard that that happened very often.


Check out Our Band Could Be Your Life. It's a really good book that chronicles I think 12 different underground bands from the U.S. in the 80s. The first 50 or so pages are about Black Flag and it describes a lot of instances of violence at their shows started by Rollins.


p.s. I feel like I would be a sick frontman for a band
Do it up :thumbup1:

[gorillafuck]

Check out Our Band Could Be Your Life. It's a really good book that chronicles I think 12 different underground bands from the U.S. in the 80s. The first 50 or so pages are about Black Flag and it describes a lot of instances of violence at their shows started by Rollins.
I have read it. I don't remember that, I'll reread the BF section.


Do it up :thumbup1:When I shout my voice becomes high and nasally. But then again, it might be different if I used a mic since the only singing I've ever done was shout some early Queers songs without a mic in my friends basement.

[TC]

Why is that the first page of a lot of these threads turns into some sort of cock-waving contest.

Because the climate here is both profoundly immature and male dominated and the prevailing attitude is that genuine expressions of emotion and vulnerability are scary to make and fun to mock?

[Fawkes]

I don't really see the relation between sex/gender and people making a few lighthearted comments at the beginning of a thread.

Yeah, this forum is male dominated, but if you look through any of the Pour Your Heart Out threads, there is a good amount of emotional outpouring and not all that much mocking.

As far as immaturity:
http://pgstudios.org/misc/internet_serious_business2.jpg

[gorillafuck]

Because the climate here is both profoundly immature and male dominated and the prevailing attitude is that genuine expressions of emotion and vulnerability are scary to make and fun to mock?
Have you ever read through these threads?

It's not even close to that.

[Quail]

I am so lonely, Mr. lonely, I have nobody, I am on my own.......
Fuck Akon and that stupid song.

[Ele'ill]

I am so lonely, Mr. lonely, I have nobody, I am on my own.......

Perhaps I'm naive but I think this forum is more of a community than most other genres of forums on the internet. You're never alone. Perhaps use that as a bit of confidence to get out and meet people.

Edit- So I guess I'm naive in that I didn't realize that was lyric. Hopefully you can still use the advice?

[Ele'ill]

Because the climate here is both profoundly immature and male dominated and the prevailing attitude is that genuine expressions of emotion and vulnerability are scary to make and fun to mock?

I don't see this very often in ratio to how many male users there are on the forum. Yes, I can go through right now and pick out the 'penis discovery' and 'toilet talk' posts and threads but there are a lot of younger users here and many of them do live in the belly of the very influential beast. This isn't allowance in itself- allowance would be not calling them out on it. We need to rebuild and reeducate through discussion.

[gorillafuck]

I actually don't see what's wrong with making obscene jokes.

Then again, I'm not so far from reality as to think that girls don't make obscene jokes. So I don't think inappropriateness is indicative of some sort of male domination type thing.

[¿Que?]

Edit- So I guess I'm naive in that I didn't realize that was lyric. Hopefully you can still use the advice?
I did the same thing. :rolleyes:

[Bright Banana Beard]

Well it isn't that I am alone, but I do have loneliness complex mainly due to hard of hearing and not able to have a friend that will chill out with me. I am terrible at understanding people. The deaf community don't even exist here.

[Omi]

I fucking hate it that I can't seem to fall in love anymore and i've become some sort of misanthropic bastard. I do have friends and such and I love them dearly but I have not been in love for years and I can't seem to find another person that I can really connect with romantically. That's why most of my relationships end up in a mess and I fuck everything up emotionally. And I can't seem to find a way to express this while I can perfectly express other feelings through art or something.

[Aloysius]

GH2IxXuiDfI

This song makes me feel all melancholy.

[Ninel]

Sometimes I don't see the point in life and currently I find it hard to distibguish how I feel. We live to die, so why not just die quicker?

[Fawkes]

Sometimes I don't see the point in life and currently I find it hard to distibguish how I feel. We live to die, so why not just die quicker?

We don't live to die, we live til we die. Death isn't a release, you don't feel anything when you die and you are not conscious of your inability to feel anything. You're dead. What's the point in stopping any and all feelings when you don't get to experience that lack of feeling? Just try to make the time that you are alive as good as you can. The only point to life is that which you attribute to it, it's up to you to find something to live for, and it doesn't have to be someone else.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

GH2IxXuiDfI

This song makes me feel all melancholy.
Nick Stutsman has been posted on revleft? my life is over.
edit: this further proves my point everyone in the midwest knows each other...

[Fawkes]

When I shout my voice becomes high and nasally. But then again, it might be different if I used a mic since the only singing I've ever done was shout some early Queers songs without a mic in my friends basement.

Just work and try to find your own unique singing style, it doesn't need to be shouting. Let your own personal eccentricities and emotions come through in how you sing something. For example, some of my friends and I just recently played a cover of Sympathy for the Devil and my singing on it more resembled one of Robin Williams's radio broadcasts in Good Morning, Vietnam than it did Mick Jagger, it's all about finding your own unique style of vocalization. Plus, you can learn how to shout/scream/growl, just cause you may not be able to do it as you would like right now doesn't mean you won't ever be able to.

[Ninel]

We're all going to die one day though, so what is the point of living in the first place, why not just end our lives early?

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

Ugh. I though we were past this kind of juvenille crap.

[¿Que?]

Juvenile shit :) This is about as poury as my hearty heart will get today!!!

j1Oei-C5ApE

[Fawkes]

Ugh. I though we were past this kind of juvenille crap.

You do realize not everyone develops at exactly the same rate as you, right?
They obviously aren't feeling great, so we should help them, not belittle them.

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

You do realize not everyone develops at exactly the same rate as you, right?
They obviously aren't feeling great, so we should help them, not belittle them.

I think sir, you do not understand the situation. It has been resolved. Consider my post as irrelevent as left wing politics to the average person.

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

Probably shouldn't have done that. Now my arm hurts.

[¿Que?]

Probably shouldn't have done that. Now my arm hurts.
What is it that you did exactly? Be specific.

[gorillafuck]

Probably shouldn't have done that. Now my arm hurts.
Tell us what you did, please.

Edit: Oh fuck I'm dumb :(

[¿Que?]

Sometimes, I hate being me...

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

Nothing that bad. But I need to buy some more razors, otherwise I'll get a stupid half-arsed goatee.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Sometimes, I wish I was in Fawkes's body...

[ExUnoDisceOmnes]

I hate the way that I don't know when to shut the hell up. I'm way to strongly opinionated and just need to keep it to myself sometimes. I hate that I can be obnoxious and often "that guy". I hate that I'm a whole new level of bad with girls. I hate that I see things that others don't in society and the world around us, and when I point it others just don't want to hear it and would rather sit around complacently. I hate that I come from an upper class family, and so following my morals politically will only hurt me economically and I think about that confliction of interests and wonder if I'm stupid for being a leftist. I hate how my father is one of those bourgeois that we always talk about, but he doesn't do it out of greed... He does it because he wants the best for my family and I. I hate that, even though I know I shouldn't need validation from anybody, I can be an egotist who needs approval. I hate that I can't let things go and, in a way, I always have to prove that I'm right. Most of all, I hate that I hate the way I am because I know that I should be ok with myself, but sometimes I'm not. I hate how I hate stupid people and how I have difficulty having a relationship with someone who I think is stupid... mostly because I can't hold aconversation with said person. Does anyone feel the same?

[ExUnoDisceOmnes]

I hate how I can be an arrogant douchebag...

[Bright Banana Beard]

Your best bet is to go to a ghetto tequila bar and interacts with many Mexicans.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Nothing that bad. But I need to buy some more razors, otherwise I'll get a stupid half-arsed goatee.
Please don't be cutting ese.

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

Please don't be cutting ese.

Now where were you an hour ago! Tsk tsk, you can never rely on women.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Now where were you an hour ago! Tsk tsk, you can never rely on women.
I'm sorry. I just have a lot of my own issues to deal with.

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

I'm sorry. I just have a lot of my own issues to deal with.
Well, I hope your alright.

[Ele'ill]

Now where were you an hour ago! Tsk tsk, you can never rely on women.


Stop shitting up this thread.

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

Stop shitting up this thread.

Irony is lost on you Mar3L.

[Ele'ill]

Irony is lost on you Mar3L.

I think a lot of the posts in here should be in 'Say what you want'. The two threads have different purposes.

[Fawkes]

Sometimes, I wish I was in Fawkes's body...

Well, "in" could have quite a few interpretations here.... ;)



Out of curiosity, may I ask why? (I mean, it is quite wonderful of course, who wouldn't wish that)

[Fawkes]

But really, the humor and the jokingly-hyper-blatant narcissism and vanity are just emotional shields, even I wish I wasn't in here a lot of the time.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Well, I hope your alright.
You too ese.

[Aloysius]

Living to die is just a truly absurd idea to me.
I live because I'm pretty damn sure death isn't going to be any better than life.

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

lol cut myself again. Atleast they are all facing in the same direction this time.

[gorillafuck]

Uuugh no please don't:(

[Bright Banana Beard]

When I mean "in," I mean as becoming you for a few hours to see how awesome you are.

[Aloysius]

lol cut myself again. Atleast they are all facing in the same direction this time.
There's no "lol" about it. Comrade.
Cutting is srs bznz.

[Ninel]

Living to die is just a truly absurd idea to me.
I live because I'm pretty damn sure death isn't going to be any better than life.
What's the point in death then?

[Aurora]

Wow a lot of people self-harm, i mean i knew that already but ive never seen any evidence for it until pour you heart out thread and on another forum i visit sometimes.

This is pretty personal so please tell me to go fuck myself if you like but what's the reason people do it, ive heard it's a way to deal with emotions you can't cope with or as a way of feeling alive are these generally correct? and when you started doing it how did you get to that point, was it like an instinctual thing to do or was it more like you heard it helped and then did it?
Im sorry if that seemed insensitive but im genuinely interested and don't know much about it and the internet hasn't helped much.

[Quail]

This is pretty personal so please tell me to go fuck myself if you like but what's the reason people do it, ive heard it's a way to deal with emotions you can't cope with or as a way of feeling alive are these generally correct? and when you started doing it how did you get to that point, was it like an instinctual thing to do or was it more like you heard it helped and then did it?
Im sorry if that seemed insensitive but im genuinely interested and don't know much about it and the internet hasn't helped much.
It started off for me as a way of punishing myself. I tend to do it now to release emotions that I can't deal with. If I'm unbearably sad I cut and it gives me a release. It can be addictive to some people, but not for me. My body is a fucking mess though. I have a lot of scars and I mostly hide them because people stare and sometimes make rude comments.

I'm not condoning cutting, by the way. It's only a temporary release and in the long run, I often feel worse because I feel like an idiot for hurting myself.

[Fawkes]

At least for me it's a way of punishing and hurting a person that you hate, just so happens that person is yourself. I've never cut (though I once hid a knife behind my fist pointed at my chest and told my friend to "pound it"), but I do have a habit of slamming my head against walls/poles/etc., it's really just a way of kicking my own ass cause I'm pissed off at myself. I'm generally mad after the fact that I did it considering there are far more constructive means to deal with emotional turmoil, but it often seems the most accessible and easiest route is to hurt myself.

[Aurora]

Thank you for being so honest :)
It sucks that you get mean comments but i suppose there's still loads of stigma around it and people just don't understand or care too..

Did either of you ever get any information about this sorta stuff when you were in school? education about mental health issues seems severely lacking, i think self harm was mentioned once in passing over 6years of school :unsure: kinda worrying when apparently it's so common along with other problems.


but I do have a habit of slamming my head against walls/poles/etc
hmm ive done this a couple times when in a pretty bad way.. hadn't thought about it before tbh :mellow:

Anyway thank you both i think i understand a bit better now

[Fawkes]

Self harm also takes on other, less blatant, forms, like intentionally destroying personal relationships and wasting opportunities, putting yourself in a position where it's likely someone else will harm you, really intense abuse of drugs and alcohol, or something as seemingly asinine as screaming as hard as you can in an attempt to destroy your voice.

And no, I don't remember ever really getting any information on it, which definitely is alarming because it is a widespread problem. If you're observant, chances are you'll see at least one person every day with scars on their arms or wrists, probably even more (though I don't encourage you to blatantly check).

[Quail]

I don't think self-injury or mental health issues in general were discussed in school. I think we might have had a bit of info about eating disorders though, and obviously drug addiction (although drug addiction was never treated as a mental health problem). Unfortunately when I was growing up the "emo" trend was pretty popular, so people didn't take cutting seriously at all.

It isn't just cutting that isn't understood. I've been told I "don't look like I have bulimia" (translation: you don't look thin enough to have an eating disorder) and I've recently had problems with my doctor calling social services over a total lack of understanding of OCD.

I think I should really just not give a shit and wear revealing clothes if I want to, fuck anyone who comments, but I get a bit self-conscious.

[Quail]

Self harm also takes on other, less blatant, forms, like intentionally destroying personal relationships and wasting opportunities, putting yourself in a position where it's likely someone else will harm you, really intense abuse of drugs and alcohol, or something as seemingly asinine as screaming as hard as you can in an attempt to destroy your voice.

This is also true. I harm myself in other ways too with bulimia, drugs and overdosing.

[Bright Banana Beard]

For self harm on myself, I intentionally destroying personal relationships and wasting opportunities. I also do intense abuse on drugs, but now I have no special feeling for drugs. Drinking a Joose or some beers in a while is as far I am willing to take. I just like being sober almost all the time.

[Ele'ill]

For self harm on myself, I intentionally destroying personal relationships and wasting opportunities.

This. And pretending that good things just come along to justify procrastination.

[Ninel]

I do have a habit of slamming my head against walls/poles/etc.
Same, I do it because I hate myself so much and feel that I don't deserve to live.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I want to scream!:crying::crying::crying:

[gorillafuck]

why?

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

why?
I'm not going too far into details, but a lot of worrying about a sore on my lip.

[Aloysius]

I want to scream!:crying::crying::crying:
Than scream, dammit.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I feel depressed, confused, overwhelmed and generally like crying and screaming and watching romantic comedies in my jammies and eating chocolate. I am not the woman to fuck with right now!

[Ele'ill]

Is there a specific reason?

[Quail]

It's really amazing how mean I can be to myself. I would never say any of the things I think about myself to anyone else.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Is there a specific reason?
A lot of things but a big part of it is my being infuriated by the man I love. I'm also sick right now. I just overall feel terrible.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I constantly find myself questioning what I believe. I'm not a static character, I feel my view of the world is constantly in evolution. I feel myself falling apart and it couldn't happen at a more terrible time. My rug feels like it's being pulled out from under me.

[Jazzratt]

It's really amazing how mean I can be to myself. I would never say any of the things I think about myself to anyone else. I don't detest myself especially. I would certainly describe others in terms I use for myself (I often have on this site) and I'm still quite often harsher to people who aren't me. On the other hand that's because I know I'm scum or, at the very least, behave and seem enough like scum I have encountered to place myself in their ranks.

I'm not entirely which is worse in theory, I do know that your problem is fucking miles up the mental health triage list. EDIT: I did want to try to add more on the end here but it all sounded like fishing for sympathy over and above people like kayl. With that in mind the original extra sentence here was "I just felt like posting in here though as it's really struck me."

[Aurora]

Same, I do it because I hate myself so much and feel that I don't deserve to live.

Have you considered going to talk to someone about this? it can be helpful, a lot of people find it useful especially if you keep having thoughts along these lines, please do think about it. It relieves a lot of stress to tell someone how you really feel, which can be pretty difficult to tell your friends or family.

[Magón]

You guys and gals have got to learn to roll with the punches, and give them out as good as you get them. That way, you'll have a bloated ego and then nobody can tear you down. :thumbup1:

[¿Que?]

You guys and gals have got to learn to roll with the punches, and give them out as good as you get them. That way, you'll have a bloated ego and then nobody can tear you down. :thumbup1:
Bloated egos always have an Achilles's heel. What you want is confidence!

[Magón]

Bloated egos always have an Achilles's heel. What you want is confidence!

Bloated egos are only people with too much confidence. :p

[¿Que?]

Bloated egos are only people with too much confidence. :p
I disagree. Confidence does not imply that you be an egotist.

[Magón]

I disagree. Confidence does not imply that you be an egotist.

No, not always, but apparently with some people I know, I'm quite the egotistical person with a big and bloated ego. But really, I've just learned to roll with the punches better than others. (And see, right there is where I usually get called arrogant or egotistical, because who can roll with all the punches right?)

[¿Que?]

No, not always, but apparently with some people I know, I'm quite the egotistical person with a big and bloated ego. But really, I've just learned to roll with the punches better than others. (And see, right there is where I usually get called arrogant or egotistical, because who can roll with all the punches right?)
Yeah, I see your point. Roll with the punches, don't get over sensitive about shiznit.

[Pretty Flaco]

This girl is special! :wub:
means more to me than anyone I've ever met.

[¿Que?]

This girl is special! :wub:
means more to me than anyone I've ever met.
I'm all like this color -->http://www.enchantedlearning.com/ggifs/Green.GIF

[Pretty Flaco]

I'm all like this color -->http://www.enchantedlearning.com/ggifs/Green.GIF

Green with envy or green with disgust?

[Jazzratt]

This girl is special! :wub:
means more to me than anyone I've ever met. I recommend that you don't fuck it up if that's the case. You may end up single for 4-5 years because you think that every wo/man is out to cause you emotional harm after becoming close. :lol:

[¿Que?]

Green with envy or green with disgust?
That'd be envy.

[¿Que?]

I don't even know anymore. I just need a hug.:crying:

[¿Que?]

I don't even know why it is that I put myself in these situations where I'm going to feel shitty or whatever, but let's be fucking realistic here, one second Mister people or whatever. Nothing has changed in my life, as much as you want me to believe it has. You're a fucking bastard evil shit head asshole (not anyone on revleft so spare me the response, I'm venting). Fuck you, and your whole milieu. Let's be fucking realistic. You don't have what it takes. One day, sir. You have one fucking day.

Thank you and go fuck yourselves.:)

[Bright Banana Beard]

I don't even know anymore. I just need a hug.:crying:

I want to give you a long comradely hug, hang on for a while. Even I didnt know that I was living in a devil town.

[¿Que?]

I want to give you a long comradely hug, hang on for a while. Even I didnt know that I was living in a devil town.
Thanks. That last post I made is total self indulgent BS. Ignore it.

[Aurora]

I don't even know anymore. I just need a hug.:crying:

http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j291/RedAtheist/console.gif

[The Fighting_Crusnik]

I want to be forgiven more than anything else for the pain that I caused in my past. :(

[Jazzratt]

Thanks. That last post I made is total self indulgent BS. Ignore it. Yeah well fuck your intentions I feel sympathy for you. Goes for the other members in this thread too.

[¿Que?]

Yeah well fuck your intentions I feel sympathy for you. Goes for the other members in this thread too.
Well, I guess I was trying to do the right thing, you know, like offset one obsession with another, but it seems one is stronger than the other.

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

lol cut myself again. I probably should stop doing it. But we'll see. I'd like to just walk away from this whole fucking mess, but alas I cannot, obligations to others.

[Fawkes]

The internet's infinitely more convenient than real life. Generally speaking I hate myself whilst sober, so I drink to become a different person. While I am that different person, I heavily entertain the notion of offing myself. Unusual how that works, right? The internet is nice for things like this because I can get this off my chest without the immediate reprisal of an ambulance at my doorstep. Anyway, see yall if I'm alive in the morning, and I'll probably be pissed at myself for posting this because I'll think I'm a total darsh and an attention whore, but goodnight :cool:

...I'm surprisingly eloquent while intoxicated:thumbup1:

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

The internet's infinitely more convenient than real life. Generally speaking I hate myself whilst sober, so I drink to become a different person. While I am that different person, I heavily entertain the notion of offing myself. Unusual how that works, right? The internet is nice for things like this because I can get this off my chest without the immediate reprisal of an ambulance at my doorstep. Anyway, see yall if I'm alive in the morning, and I'll probably be pissed at myself for posting this because I'll think I'm a total darsh and an attention whore, but goodnight :cool:

...I'm surprisingly eloquent while intoxicated:thumbup1:

Fawkes, you can't top yourself, who, if not you will become an internationally renown photographer of people's croches in a post-revolutionary society?

[Salyut]

I don't trust my doctor back home. She wants to seize my fucking drivers licence because I'm "impulsive". I'm glad I got the fuck out of that province when I did - otherwise I might have killed myself by now.

Out here I don't have to constantly kowtow to people that treat me like shit. I get this intense rage but I automatically grovel every fucking time. No more having to play nice to certain people who fucked me over either; it looks like I'll be heading back to find work in the summer and I'm just going to burn bridges if it fucking comes to that.

I got a lot of hate inside me. Just writing that made me zone out and think of hurting certain people.

[Ninel]

Have you considered going to talk to someone about this? it can be helpful, a lot of people find it useful especially if you keep having thoughts along these lines, please do think about it. It relieves a lot of stress to tell someone how you really feel, which can be pretty difficult to tell your friends or family.
Someone online who had a mental issue history said they thought I might have acute depression and I should go see a doctor, but I can't talk about it out loud. Also, hugs are nice, I really don't know why, but they make things feel better.

[Quail]

The internet's infinitely more convenient than real life. Generally speaking I hate myself whilst sober, so I drink to become a different person. While I am that different person, I heavily entertain the notion of offing myself. Unusual how that works, right? The internet is nice for things like this because I can get this off my chest without the immediate reprisal of an ambulance at my doorstep. Anyway, see yall if I'm alive in the morning, and I'll probably be pissed at myself for posting this because I'll think I'm a total darsh and an attention whore, but goodnight :cool:

...I'm surprisingly eloquent while intoxicated:thumbup1:
I don't drink to become a different person, but I do drink to deal with stuff and find that it brings out all of my worst feelings. If I'm going to do something dangerous, most of the time I do it when I've been drinking. One of the worst feelings in the world is waking up covered in blood and after a second of confusion, remembering what happened bit by bit and having to drag myself to minor injuries. So yeah. Drinking when you're not feeling good often doesn't end well.


Someone online who had a mental issue history said they thought I might have acute depression and I should go see a doctor, but I can't talk about it out loud. Also, hugs are nice, I really don't know why, but they make things feel better.
Maybe you should try writing it down in a letter-type thing, or taking a list of bullet points that you want to mention in with you so that if you can't talk you can look to the list for help? I wrote a letter to my therapist once and although I felt a bit stupid, it was the only way I could have told her something really important.

[Fawkes]

yiiiiiiiikes

[Ninel]

Maybe you should try writing it down in a letter-type thing, or taking a list of bullet points that you want to mention in with you so that if you can't talk you can look to the list for help? I wrote a letter to my therapist once and although I felt a bit stupid, it was the only way I could have told her something really important.
Yeah, but I'm 14, so in order to see a doctor / schedule an appointment I'll have to talk to my parents about it or show them it and I couldn't, 1. I don't know how they'd react and 2. They'd probably overdo it / be caring and I don't like people caring about me, I don't like being the centre of attention as again, I feel I don't deserve people's time.

[Quail]

It's kind of rubbish having to wait until the age of 16 to get fully confidential health care. I understand you wanting to keep it from your family though. My family always try to be helpful in kind of unhelpful ways. Don't feel as though you don't deserve people's time though.

[Ninel]

Don't feel as though you don't deserve people's time though.
I can't though, I just feel that I am not worthwhile enough for someone else to be worrying / using there time for me, they could be doing better things than helping fucked up adolescents.

[Quail]

If something is a big enough problem to impact negatively on your life, then it's a problem worth dealing with. Nobody feels worthy of help for their mental health.

[Ninel]

Thanks for the encouragement Kayl, but I just don't see why taxes should be spent so one emotional idiot (me) can get his head fixed. Anyway I don't really want to derail this thread so it doesn't matter.

[Widerstand]

Okay so, I'm seriously bad at making friends. Logically I'm also pretty lonely and feel like crap.

The few people that I could consider friends I'm extremely distant from, often not talking at all when I'm around them, and when I am it's usually either very basic practical stuff that it absolutely necessary, usually just saying hi and bye, maybe asking or telling them about something, or to argue with them. I don't really think I'm capable of other forms of communication. At least that's what experience suggests. I'm also super sensitive to criticism and ad hominem, and I'm somewhat pissed and combative right now, as I am every time I face ad hominems from people I like or respect, and seriously considering breaking the few ties I have left because of it.

fuck life.

[Ele'ill]

Okay so, I'm seriously bad at making friends. Logically I'm also pretty lonely and feel like crap.

The few people that I could consider friends I'm extremely distant from, often not talking at all when I'm around them, and when I am it's usually either very basic practical stuff that it absolutely necessary, usually just saying hi and bye, maybe asking or telling them about something, or to argue with them. I don't really think I'm capable of other forms of communication. At least that's what experience suggests. I'm also super sensitive to criticism and ad hominem, and I'm somewhat pissed and combative right now, as I am every time I face ad hominems from people I like or respect, and seriously considering breaking the few ties I have left because of it.

fuck life.

You're fine the way you are.

[Widerstand]

Subjective reality disagrees with you. I'm also pissed and sad as fuck and lonely as hell and there's no fucking way you or I or anyone can turn this into me just having a bad self-image.

Thanks though.

[Ninel]

Subjective reality disagrees with you. I'm also pissed and sad as fuck and lonely as hell and there's no fucking way you or I or anyone can turn this into me just having a bad self-image.

Thanks though.
*Hugs* :<. Contact your friends and tell them you miss them or whatever you feel like you want to meet up or whatever, just go and see themno matter what, it will be really good for you. In other news, my Dad tried talking to me about my emotions for the first time ever, thinking that he would help, instead the opposite effect happened and I now hate myself more than ever...

[Aloysius]

Fathers tend to have no idea how to talk to their sons and/or daughters.
Mine can't tell that I'm in serious emotional pain.

[gorillafuck]

Subjective reality disagrees with you.
you're probably fine the way you are but should probably just get out more.

[L.A.P.]

Subjective reality disagrees with you. I'm also pissed and sad as fuck and lonely as hell and there's no fucking way you or I or anyone can turn this into me just having a bad self-image.

Thanks though.

I feel your pain man.

I've become the school board's ping pong ball when it comes to going from school to school and it sucks being pulled away from everyone and everything you knew, I feel like a fish out of water right now. Not to mention, the old-new school I'm in has me reliving a horrible case of unrequited love that I've been experiencing since 8th grade with this girl that I've been friends with off-and-on.

[Ele'ill]

Fathers tend to have no idea how to talk to their sons and/or daughters.
Mine can't tell that I'm in serious emotional pain.

I've known my father my entire life as if he had already died.

[Fullmetal Anarchist]

Life sucks... Once again I seem to have woman trouble as well as my ever crippling ineptitude to not get jealous. Why is it when I really like someone or have an actual interest they all of a sudden just decide to be blind to the fact that I like them? I'm getting tired of always being a fucking loser it's getting old and it's getting old fast.

[Ninel]

Life sucks... Once again I seem to have woman trouble as well as my ever crippling ineptitude to not get jealous. Why is it when I really like someone or have an actual interest they all of a sudden just decide to be blind to the fact that I like them? I'm getting tired of always being a fucking loser it's getting old and it's getting old fast.
You're not a loser. Listen; I, for about 2 years thought I was never going to find a girlfriend and all that time I wasted thinking that was just stupid because now I have a girlfriend who I love alot. So just relax, I didn't try to find my girlfriend, she just appeared and I fell in love. It will all fit into place eventually and you will be in a relationship with a woman who you love very much. If you do find a woman you love, then go for it, ask to go out with her sometime or ask to get to know her or whatever, if she says no that means you can stop worrying about being a loser, losers don't do anything, but you will have done something about it. Sorry if this post is really dumb and strange.

[Salyut]

God just talking to people makes me feel better. :(

[Comrade Wolfie's Very Nearly Banned Adventures]

Aww fuck, I have insomnia again.

[Quail]

For no real reason I feel low today and wanting to take it out on my body. I've decided to live on homemade vegetable soup for the foreseeable future and I've bought diet pills from an online chemist. I feel as though I have a new determination to lose weight now. I hope my weight gets back to what it was before the holidays and lower.

[Aloysius]

Aww fuck, I have insomnia again.
Is it wrong that I laughed at that?

Jealousy isn't any fucking fun at all.

[Magón]

For no real reason I feel low today and wanting to take it out on my body. I've decided to live on homemade vegetable soup for the foreseeable future and I've bought diet pills from an online chemist. I feel as though I have a new determination to lose weight now. I hope my weight gets back to what it was before the holidays and lower.

Do some jogging too. You don't want to be too dependent on a pill that's meant to help you loose some weight, it can have the opposite effect for some.

[Quail]

Do some jogging too. You don't want to be too dependent on a pill that's meant to help you loose some weight, it can have the opposite effect for some.
I have a gym membership. I'm going to try to go more often, if for nothing else because it seems like a waste of money if I don't go.

[Aurora]

Aww fuck, I have insomnia again.

Aye me too, 3hours of staring into the dark, time to get up lol

[¿Que?]

Got rejected twice this weekend. I suck at life. :(:(

[gorillafuck]

Got rejected twice this weekend. I suck at life. :(:(
That sucks, sorry to hear that.

I wish I wasn't so bored all the time. Constant boredom wears me down so much, I also think it's the source of my frequent negative feelings and depressing mood swings.

I should try to get a girlfriend. She would make me be less bored.:(

[Fawkes]

Got rejected twice this weekend. I suck at life. :(:(

Dude, I got shot down in flames more times last night at some club than I ever have before, it happens to all of us.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Speak to more girls, get rejected 1000 times, but make sure you draw the conclusion of why you get reject and try to fix them. After getting 1000 rejected, you will be fine. Failure is the part of success, so remember that.

[¿Que?]

Zeekloid: Sometimes feeling nothing is better than feeling bad. Sometimes, though the reverse is true.

Fawkes: Always good for some lulz.

Gran Rojo: It depends on the person, I think. Some people will just not like me, but some people will. It's not about anything I'm doing wrong. I certainly don't want to learn how to manipulate people or anything.

[Widerstand]

I wish I wasn't so bored all the time. Constant boredom wears me down so much, I also think it's the source of my frequent negative feelings and depressing mood swings.

I should try to get a girlfriend. She would make me be less bored.:(

In my experience, that's a really bad idea. You'll just be clingy as hell and she'll either lose interest, or you'll be around each other so much that you both get sick of it pretty fast.

Find something interesting to do, seriously (start a RAAN cell if you must). There's few things as boring and frustrating as waiting for someone else to unbore you.


Speak to more girls, get rejected 1000 times, but make sure you draw the conclusion of why you get reject and try to fix them. After getting 1000 rejected, you will be fine. Failure is the part of success, so remember that.

Or just do what I do, drown yourself in activities and try to forget that you're lonely.

[Fawkes]

Well, considering how my brain works and all, I'll probably see yall in 1-6 weeks.

[Aurora]

Does anyone else get derealised/depersonalised? im really astounded by what it does, an hour ago i accidently poured boiling water on my hand and barely felt it at all, it's like i know it hurts but theres no reason to react at all. About a week ago i looked at a mirror and didn't recognise myself, it scared the shit outta me. Like everyday i get this feeling that the dimensions of everyday objects are wrong, like suddenly a table will seem smaller than usual or the cooker will be bigger than usual. Fuckin mental shit, feels like im losing my mind.


Well, considering how my brain works and all, I'll probably see yall in 1-6 weeks.
You entering a low cycle? i don't really know what to say except ive been there and while it's unbearable it does end eventually and when you feel completly alone there's always someone who can listen and help.

[¿Que?]

Does anyone else get derealised/depersonalised? im really astounded by what it does, an hour ago i accidently poured boiling water on my hand and barely felt it at all, it's like i know it hurts but theres no reason to react at all. About a week ago i looked at a mirror and didn't recognise myself, it scared the shit outta me. Like everyday i get this feeling that the dimensions of everyday objects are wrong, like suddenly a table will seem smaller than usual or the cooker will be bigger than usual. Fuckin mental shit, feels like im losing my mind.

How old are you? They say schizophrenia can start as late as early adulthood, sometimes showing no signs until then. I would consider talking to a psychiatrist.

[Aurora]

How old are you? They say schizophrenia can start as late as early adulthood, sometimes showing no signs until then. I would consider talking to a psychiatrist.

I'm 19 and i'm not schizophrenic, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
I get this when im really anxious.

[¿Que?]

I'm 19 and i'm not schizophrenic, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
I get this when im really anxious.
Oh, I see. Well, just goes to show I learned nothing in college (I was a psych major undergrad):tongue_smilie:

[Aurora]

Nah i'm sure you did it just seems most people don't know anything about it even doctors and psychiatrists.
God if what i said sounded schizophrenic perhaps it's for the best i haven't told anyone lol

[¿Que?]

Nah i'm sure you did it just seems most people don't know anything about it even doctors and psychiatrists.
God if what i said sounded schizophrenic perhaps it's for the best i haven't told anyone lol
It sounded trippy, and I always assumed schizophrenia felt something like tripping.

[Aurora]

Haha your right, if i put in some smilies it'd sound like i was having a great time

[gorillafuck]

Well, considering how my brain works and all, I'll probably see yall in 1-6 weeks.
Don't hurt yourself:(

[Ele'ill]

So how do you all deal with getting older?

[Catmatic Leftist]

I just lost 13 Starcraft games in a row. On top of that, the girl I like has her eyes on someone else. :crying::crying:

FUCKIN TERRAN SO OVERPOWERED.

[¿Que?]

I just lost 13 Starcraft games in a row. On top of that, the girl I like has her eyes on someone else. :crying::crying:

It could be worse. You could have lost 13 girls you like in a row, and the starcraft game could have its eyes on someone else. Now that would suck!

[Catmatic Leftist]

It could be worse. You could have lost 13 girls you like in a row, and the starcraft game could have its eyes on someone else. Now that would suck!

Haha, very true.

[Blackscare]

My boyfriend called me right after I got off work and dumped me. :crying:

I think he's seeing someone else, at least that's what people I know said a little while ago.

Jeez, I'm not a whimp or anything, and I don't seem like the type, but I've been crying for like an hour now. I am so head-over-heels in love with him, I don't even know what to think at this point. Expect me to be even more of an asshole for a bit.

:crying::crying::crying::crying:

[Bright Banana Beard]

Blackscare, dont use drugs for escape from crying, please. Bear with it for a while.

As for myself, I grow attachment to my cellphone. I just reconnect my childhood best friend and he said he missed me. I do not know how to feel at all. I just shocked that I can be that horrible, but somewhere in my heart, I care a bit, but generally I didnt react at all.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

:cursing: I always have to fall inlove with an over-posessive asshole. Fuck!

[Catmatic Leftist]

I want to hug all of you with relationship and attraction problems.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I feel sooo infuriated.

[Catmatic Leftist]

I feel sooo infuriated.


http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j291/RedAtheist/console.gif

[¿Que?]

:cursing: I always have to fall inlove with an over-posessive asshole. Fuck!
When people say stuff like this, it gets me frustrated. Example: I like this girl. She hates over possessive guys, but for some reason always ends up (in love?) with them. So, I give her space, she bolts. I get possessive, she hates me. I can't fucking win.

[Catmatic Leftist]

I just found out that the girl I was talking about is eyeing some sexist chauvinistc asshole. Why does this always happen? :cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing:

[¿Que?]

I just found out that the girl I went out of my way in order to lend her a book has a boyfriend. Which wouldn't be that bad if she hadn't made me think she was interested, such as by body language, and touching the lapel of my jacket to see if it was real leather and shit like that. I guess sometimes people touch the lapel of your jacket to see if it's real leather, just to see if it's real leather. They don't mean anything else by it. But fuck I'm pissed off now, and I have a slight anger management problem...:cursing:

Drinking not to party, but to medicate. I suppose I could take a Xanax. Hm...starting to mellow out and I'm only 3/4 of one beer in me. Whatever.

EDIT: There are also two other girls I could call, but the chance that they'd make me feel worse than better is about 50/50. (I don't fancy getting rejected again!)

[Aloysius]

Well, I've had a pretty shitty month-and-a-half.
The girl I love is with another friend of mine, and my jealousy doesn't feel good.
My back-up love interest is with another guy, though she has almost definitely friendzoned me.

I've been through so much bullshit recently, I constantly feel like crying, but I just fucking can't.

Ah well.
I've got a pen and a piece of paper.
Time to write crappy poems and emo songs.

On a side note, a prayer I recently prayed has come true.
I asked for a heart of stone, and god-dammit I got it.
I just don't want it any more.

[gorillafuck]

The girl I love is with another friend of mine, and my jealousy doesn't feel good.Are you legit in love with her or are you just saying that? Pardon my ageism but most 15 year olds who think they're in love probably aren't (keep in mind I'm only 17 so it's not like I'm an adult)

[Quail]

Today is really not feeling good. I hope this is just exam stress. I went from feeling relatively okay last week to feeling like a total mess now. Hopefully if I take a bath later I'll actually get some fucking sleep.

[Ninel]

Everyone just needs hugs. I have to go the doctor on monday for my 'depression', my parents found out...

[Catmatic Leftist]

I get depressed when the weather gets cold and there's less sun -_-

[Ninel]

I get depressed when the weather gets cold and there's less sun -_-
I'm the opposite, I hate the heat and sun.

[Quail]

I get depressed when the weather gets cold and there's less sun -_-
I think that's fairly common and can be treated with special lamps.

I'm feeling a little better now actually. Or at least, I no longer feel like curling up and crying in a corner. The baby is in bed and I can revise for my exam, which probably won't go as badly as I think it will.


Everyone just needs hugs. I have to go the doctor on monday for my 'depression', my parents found out... How'd they find out? At least if you go to the doctor you'll be offered some kind of help.

[Ninel]

How'd they find out? At least if you go to the doctor you'll be offered some kind of help.
Just by talking to me and kind of forcing me to spout out my emotions, I don't think it's that bad to be seeing a doctor, it's a waste of the doctor's time I reckon.

[Quail]

People waste doctors' time for way less important things. Since your parents are making you go to the doctors, you may as well take advantage of whatever they offer you. I had to hassle people for two years to get to see the right mental health team when I went to uni, but when I was under 18 it seemed as though things were offered more as opposed to having to seek them out yourself. If you see someone now to help you learn to deal with things then you might not have to deal with the adult services.

[Catmatic Leftist]

I agree with kayl; you should go to the doctor. I had to wait until I had a mental breakdown in school and they had to wheelchair me to the hospital because they thought I had a seizure but in reality it was an anxiety attack and I was forced to see a doctor, but by that time I was already 18 and the visits were so expensive and I had to stop eventually.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I hate being sad for no reason. My mom and uncle are bipolar, so who knows... I use to have severe depression for years, meh. Sometimes I feel like it's lurking back onto me, but nowhere near as bad thankfully.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I get depressed when the weather gets cold and there's less sun -_-
*hugs* Milwaukee has been depressing lately so I feel you on that.

[Catmatic Leftist]

I wish I didn't let my depression get the better of me and do bad in school. I hate working at my dad's store.

[Ele'ill]

I hate working at my dad's store.

Why?

[Ele'ill]

I have no idea what to do with my life in regards to earning a living. I like writing and I'm goal oriented with a great work ethic. I know I have to go back to school here shortly- I don't know what to major in. I don't want to be a social worker as I would feel more as a mouth piece for failing social support systems than as an actual helper. I don't want to be a teacher because I am not wild about social situations like that although once I got to know the people in my classes I think It would be ok. All of the aptitude tests I've ever taken have yelled at me to become a Park Ranger. I could literally stand outside all day talking to people and staring off into space but this isn't of course an accurate representation of what non-law enforcement branch Park Rangers do. If I had to just 'get through school' I'd think about majoring in English or something heavy in reading and writing. I have more of a background in creative writing but wouldn't mind journalism/reporting/research political and social issue type stuff.

I always visualize what I'm going to do when I have something on my plate- I was out smoking a cigarette a few minutes ago visualizing work tomorrow morning. I've visualized commuting to the community college here, I've visualized moving closer to the community college etc.. but the one thing in my life that I have been unable to wrap my head around and picture is myself in a 'real job' post-college. Don't misinterpret this, I've made good money working warehouse jobs that allowed for 80-90 hours a week (time and a half past 40)- I've worked hard jobs that a lot of graduates wouldn't be able to handle at any part of their life. I'm just absolutely lost as to where I'm going to be. This sucks really bad for a goal oriented person, not knowing where to apply my work ethic and intelligence to get myself where I need to be, getting through school, getting a job and making enough money so that I can actually live. I can visualize dressing nice, I can visualize being at the bottom of the work heirarchy at a new place, I can visualize working in an office or outside as a park ranger, I can visualize making enough money to buy an inexpensive new car, I can visualize being able to afford a plane ticket back to PA to visit friends and family, having holiday parties and such.

[Catmatic Leftist]

Why?

I'm a wage slave while still being dependent. It's a shitty situation I want to get out of ASAP but I can't because money is super tight and my dad needs me to do more for less or his business goes bye-bye. Also, my dad grew up in a traditional Korean household where it was normal to use severe abuse, and won't bat an eyelash using it on me.

[Catmatic Leftist]

I have no idea what to do with my life in regards to earning a living. I like writing and I'm goal oriented with a great work ethic. I know I have to go back to school here shortly- I don't know what to major in. I don't want to be a social worker as I would feel more as a mouth piece for failing social support systems than as an actual helper. I don't want to be a teacher because I am not wild about social situations like that although once I got to know the people in my classes I think It would be ok. All of the aptitude tests I've ever taken have yelled at me to become a Park Ranger. I could literally stand outside all day talking to people and staring off into space but this isn't of course an accurate representation of what non-law enforcement branch Park Rangers do. If I had to just 'get through school' I'd think about majoring in English or something heavy in reading and writing. I have more of a background in creative writing but wouldn't mind journalism/reporting/research political and social issue type stuff.

I always visualize what I'm going to do when I have something on my plate- I was out smoking a cigarette a few minutes ago visualizing work tomorrow morning. I've visualized commuting to the community college here, I've visualized moving closer to the community college etc.. but the one thing in my life that I have been unable to wrap my head around and picture is myself in a 'real job' post-college. Don't misinterpret this, I've made good money working warehouse jobs that allowed for 80-90 hours a week (time and a half past 40)- I've worked hard jobs that a lot of graduates wouldn't be able to handle at any part of their life. I'm just absolutely lost as to where I'm going to be. This sucks really bad for a goal oriented person, not knowing where to apply my work ethic and intelligence to get myself where I need to be, getting through school, getting a job and making enough money so that I can actually live. I can visualize dressing nice, I can visualize being at the bottom of the work heirarchy at a new place, I can visualize working in an office or outside as a park ranger, I can visualize making enough money to buy an inexpensive new car, I can visualize being able to afford a plane ticket back to PA to visit friends and family, having holiday parties and such.
Take life at your own pace :)

[Ele'ill]

I'm a wage slave while still being dependent. It's a shitty situation I want to get out of ASAP but I can't because money is super tight and my dad needs me to do more for less or his business goes bye-bye. Also, my dad grew up in a traditional Korean household where it was normal to use severe abuse, and won't bat an eyelash using it on me.

The severe abuse is worrying and would be the main reason to get away. As for being dependent, use that while you can to better your future situation. It's emotionally liberating to be on your own but can be very tough and at times hopeless.

[Ele'ill]

Take life at your own pace :)

Fair advice. When I have crazy time I dream of being important and contributing to something I am passionate about. If I knew what I wanted to do I would be able to go at my own pace. It's hard being goal oriented- wah.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

Isn't it strange how family members can have the best intentions and still say the most hurtful things?:crying::crying::crying:

[bcbm]

fml lol

[Quail]

Isn't it strange how family members can have the best intentions and still say the most hurtful things?:crying::crying::crying:
My family make some really hurtful comments when they think they're being helpful/supportive, but I think it's because they don't really understand how I feel about certain things. My parents seem to think comments such as, "You look better now that you've gained some weight," are encouraging and make me feel better, when actually they make me feel really bad about myself. I guess at least your family have good intentions?

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

My family make some really hurtful comments when they think they're being helpful/supportive, but I think it's because they don't really understand how I feel about certain things. My parents seem to think comments such as, "You look better now that you've gained some weight," are encouraging and make me feel better, when actually they make me feel really bad about myself. I guess at least your family have good intentions?
It's just that they are still having trouble with my GID and they can come off as insensitive.

[Quail]

It's just that they are still having trouble with my GID and they can come off as insensitive.
At least they're trying. It's probably difficult for them to get their head around so I guess you should try to bear that in mind when they come across as being insensitive. Do you explain to them why they come across as insensitive? Maybe they don't realise they're doing it.

[¿Que?]

So a friend of mine is taking a class with another friend of mine and the latter is currently being mean to me. Now, I'm pretty sure the former and the latter will not get along (and the class involves a lot of group projects and such) so I'm wondering if I can cash in on this.

Thoughts?

[bcbm]

whoa there machiavelli

[¿Que?]

whoa there machiavelli
Hm...all I want is a subtle reminder that I am not to be fucked with. Nothing big, nothing dramatic. Subtle, but clear.

[Broletariat]

I have problems with my parents, like they're cool people and all, fun to chill with from time to time and they love and care a lot about me but like. I just can't find it in me to feel that way about them. We're so incompatible on almost everything, things they think are funny I find annoying or childish, they're fascinated with things I find to be trivial. The opposite is also true I'm sure. My mom always guilt cards me really hard, for example.

she was asking about why i wanted to go to a certain uni so bad i was just like idk they have a good program I intend to major in
she was like so why do you want to be that specific job
i was just like.. because I'd be good at it?
she was like, really that's what you're going to tell them in an interview (this referring to a scholarship interview i have to do shortly related to this major/job)
i was like, uhh no (i meant no as in not word it that way)
she was like so what's your answer
i was like idk
she's like well do you know what you're going to say to them
i'm like yea sort of
she's like then why can't you tell me
i was like... because i feel like i'm being forced to explain myself right now?
she's like and you'll explain yourself to them?
I was lke... yea they're offering me money and it's a professional relationship between them and I
she was like, you really just don't like me do you
I'm like dude... what
she's like i would've killed for a mother like me who was interested in me and cared about me
but i can see that was a wasted 17 years

This isn't the first time such a thing has happened but like, I always walk away feeling like a shitty person. I can't help the way I feel like, what more can I do?

[Aloysius]

I got friendzoned again.
Goody.

This is going to take a few months to get over.

[TC]

I have no idea what to do with my life in regards to earning a living. I like writing and I'm goal oriented with a great work ethic. I know I have to go back to school here shortly- I don't know what to major in... If I had to just 'get through school' I'd think about majoring in English or s/omething heavy in reading and writing. I have more of a background in creative writing but wouldn't mind journalism/reporting/research political and social issue type stuff...

...This sucks really bad for a goal oriented person, not knowing where to apply my work ethic and intelligence to get myself where I need to be, getting through school, getting a job and making enough money so that I can actually live. I can visualize dressing nice, I can visualize being at the bottom of the work heirarchy at a new place, I can visualize working in an office or outside as a park ranger, I can visualize making enough money to buy an inexpensive new car, I can visualize being able to afford a plane ticket back to PA to visit friends and family, having holiday parties and such.

I think its good to be driven and goal oriented.

There are very few things that you can realistically do, ending up the way you want end up and lacking connections, where the path to getting them does not involve getting top grades, excellent letters of recommendation, and going to graduate or professional schools after college (which you might transfer into from community college).

So really, you should look to an interim goal of succeeding academically - in any discipline - as a means of opening up options for yourself so that when you're ready to decide what final goals to go for, you are positioned to achieve them. You could be a professor, or engineer, or doctor, or (progressive, union/plaintiff-side or pub-defense) lawyer, or journalist (hopefully web or tv journalist since print journalism is collapsing) or publisher, or scientist, or psychotherapist, or whatever, and have the life you want to have - but whichever you want as a final professional goal, all share the same interim goal of succeeding academically. And grades, absolutely perfect grades if possible, matter much more than your major if you have to make trade offs between the two.

Its a dumb game maybe, but its the system we live in, and if you want to make the most of the one life you have to live, and you have ambition as you seem to, you need to learn how to play it well.

[TC]

Isn't it strange how family members can have the best intentions and still say the most hurtful things?:crying::crying::crying:

I think its more complex than having good intentions but hurting despite it...

...family members often think that, if they want something for you enough and are warm and positive about it, you will want it too - they confuse their desires and aspirations for you with your own. Its a type of projection or vicarious living. A type of possessiveness also.

Remember though that your family doesn't define you and they don't own you and that you need to live your own life for yourself and your happiness and not for theirs (at least with regard to parents and siblings - obligations you didn't volunteer for that your parents did).

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I think its more complex than having good intentions but hurting despite it...

...family members often think that, if they want something for you enough and are warm and positive about it, you will want it too - they confuse their desires and aspirations for you with your own. Its a type of projection or vicarious living. A type of possessiveness also.

Remember though that your family doesn't define you and they don't own you and that you need to live your own life for yourself and your happiness and not for theirs (at least with regard to parents and siblings - obligations you didn't volunteer for that your parents did).
Learning that my family doesn't define me is really more complex than it is for some. There is a major cultural influence that spins me around. On top of that is my dad's machismo.

I think people have in one form or another have been possessive of me my entire life. I had family doing that, I have had significant others doing that and at this point I feel like that is all I know and changing that is difficult.

[¿Que?]

^ Maybe because exclusive, monogamous relationships, and the societal structures that they create (such as family) ARE possessive relations, by definition. Even friendship employs the use possessive pronouns, such as "my" "mine" indicating also exclusion. Instead, we could be using prepositional phrases, and in some cases we do, such as "in" or "of" (as in "in love" or "of this tribe" etc).

Eh, eh, how's that for some linguistic critique :)

[¿Que?]

Regarding the above post I made, I was wondering if anyone knows someone who has elaborated on the possessive pronoun as indicative of possession in relationships idea.

I'm kind of hesitant to start another learning thread for whatever reason, but I am really curious if there are any articles or books that deal with this specific approach to the critique of relationships (maybe with a look at the development of language and relationships through time).

Or if maybe someone could answer some simple questions, like if the same holds true for other western and non-western languages. I know in Spanish, we use the possessive pronoun to describe relation status as well (Mi Amigo for example) but what about other languages?

If anyone can help me out here, I would appreciate it much. Thanks.

[gorillafuck]

I got friendzoned again.
Goody.

This is going to take a few months to get over.
You fall for people way too easily, dude. I mean just three days before this post you were upset over another girl. Not trying to be an asshole, but it's true and you should probably work on that.

[Friedrich]

I posted towards the end of III about my long-term relationship ending.
Things are starting to look up a bit now :)
It's been 4 weeks today and I'm coming to terms with the fact she's not a part of my life anymore. Yes, I still miss her everyday, but it's not even nearly as intense as it was. I've started talking to other girls as well, it's not the same feeling as it was with her, but it's a start. Who knows, maybe something will come of talking to these other people :)
Anyone who's in a similar situation to what I was, yes things look glum, but as they say: "It's always darkest before the dawn"

[Catmatic Leftist]

I feel bad complaining about my own life when tons of people around the world have it worse than I do.

[¿Que?]

I feel bad complaining about my own life when tons of people around the world have it worse than I do.
Tru Dat!

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I posted towards the end of III about my long-term relationship ending.
Things are starting to look up a bit now :)
It's been 4 weeks today and I'm coming to terms with the fact she's not a part of my life anymore. Yes, I still miss her everyday, but it's not even nearly as intense as it was. I've started talking to other girls as well, it's not the same feeling as it was with her, but it's a start. Who knows, maybe something will come of talking to these other people :)
Anyone who's in a similar situation to what I was, yes things look glum, but as they say: "It's always darkest before the dawn"
Good for you :) It took me 2 years to get over one girl. It still bugs me occasionally, just not in that severe depressive way.
Anyways, stay strong.

[Blackscare]

Good for you :) It took me 2 years to get over one girl. It still bugs me occasionally, just not in that severe depressive way.
Anyways, stay strong.

QFTx3

[Il Medico]

So um....yeah. Want some opinions on this if ya'll don't mind too terribly.

Basically, one of my absolute best friends is starting to get into what could be a relationship with this guy we met at a concert. And I've done everything in my power to try to prevent this (of which i've failed btw), for whatever reason. I just really don't like the guy, even though he seemed nice enough and she tells me he's a absolute doll to her. So why am I trying to stop this? I mean she just broke up with her ex, whom I thought was a sweetheart (though quite obviously I was on her side in the whole break up thing), so could I be upset with the idea that she would so easily replace the boyfriend I actually liked? Or am I, in whatever inner workings of the id, jealous? (I mean I can see no reason to be jealous, after all she's like a sister to me and i was never jealous of any of her other boyfriends). Or maybe I'm just being too mothering to her, since I think the guy was a bit of a creep at the concert and seemed to me to be trying to get laid the other time I've met him. Anyway you look at it though, i find my behavior on the subject to be rather irrational. I mean if shes happy with him, then why should I care?

So Freuds, what do you think?

[¿Que?]

So um....yeah. Want some opinions on this if ya'll don't mind too terribly.

Basically, one of my absolute best friends is starting to get into what could be a relationship with this guy we met at a concert. And I've done everything in my power to try to prevent this (of which i've failed btw), for whatever reason. I just really don't like the guy, even though he seemed nice enough and she tells me he's a absolute doll to her. So why am I trying to stop this? I mean she just broke up with her ex, whom I thought was a sweetheart (though quite obviously I was on her side in the whole break up thing), so could I be upset with the idea that she would so easily replace the boyfriend I actually liked? Or am I, in whatever inner workings of the id, jealous? (I mean I can see no reason to be jealous, after all she's like a sister to me and i was never jealous of any of her other boyfriends). Or maybe I'm just being too mothering to her, since I think the guy was a bit of a creep at the concert and seemed to me to be trying to get laid the other time I've met him. Anyway you look at it though, i find my behavior on the subject to be rather irrational. I mean if shes happy with him, then why should I care?

So Freuds, what do you think?
This reminds me of when I was in high school and I was dating this girl. Well, this girl found this other guy adorable and lovable (a doll you could say) but in platonic kind of way (I don't think she did or would have cheated on me, but I can never really be sure for reasons I am about to explain). Weird thing is, I thought the guy was a phony and a total jerk. I hated him. Well, as we got to know more of this guy we find that he would go on to sleep with other people's girlfriend while simultaneously cheating on his own girlfriend and a whole bunch of other stuff like ripping people off etc. The whole thing culminated when he stole a friend's car and tried to drive to Mexico. Moral of the story: Even if it seems you're being irrational, you may be the only, or one of the few, people capable of actually seeing the truth of things. Trust your instincts man.

[Il Medico]

This reminds me of when I was in high school and I was dating this girl. Well, this girl found this other guy adorable and lovable (a doll you could say) but in platonic kind of way (I don't think she did or would have cheated on me, but I can never really be sure for reasons I am about to explain). Weird thing is, I thought the guy was a phony and a total jerk. I hated him. Well, as we got to know more of this guy we find that he would go on to sleep with other people's girlfriend while simultaneously cheating on his own girlfriend and a whole bunch of other stuff like ripping people off etc. The whole thing culminated when he stole a friend's car and tried to drive to Mexico. Moral of the story: Even if it seems you're being irrational, you may be the only, or one of the few, people capable of actually seeing the truth of things. Trust your instincts man.
Well, my instincts say that he just wants some, despite how cute/persistent in getting it he might be. If I'm right, shes going to get hurt, so I really hope I'm wrong.

[Ele'ill]

I feel bad complaining about my own life when tons of people around the world have it worse than I do.

If this were the case than only the top percentage of people who 'have it worst' would be entitled to share their problems. Everybody handles the bad aspects of life differently so you might actually be worse off than some other people who you're thinking of.

[Ninel]

Went to the Doctor's today, didn't get any tablets, got referred to consoling -.-

[Catmatic Leftist]

Went to the Doctor's today, didn't get any tablets, got referred to consoling -.-

Usually talking about your problems with someone who is a good listener is the best way to cope with your situation.

[Quail]

Went to the Doctor's today, didn't get any tablets, got referred to consoling -.-
I hope the waiting list isn't too long. Talking about how you're feeling and identifying unhelpful thoughts should be helpful. If you don't like your counselor, by the way, you should try and ask to see someone else.

[Ninel]

My Dad also told the school so now I have to talk to the Chaplain and he's gonna be like Suicide is a sin!!!111!!!!!111!! >:(. Why are children not allowed tablets?

[Quail]

According to the leaflet that came in the box of my antidepressants, there's a higher risk of suicide if younger people take them. I don't know if that's the actual reason though.

[Aloysius]

@ Zeekloid: It was the same girl.

[Aloysius]

Suicide is a sin!!!111!!!!!111!!

Sin is such a silly concept...
What's worse is when you sin against the people that deserve it, and get caught up in the "justice" system for stealing an apple from some asshole who sells them for exorbitant prices...


On a side note, Empire! Empire! (I Was A Lonely Estate) makes me feel much better.

[Fawkes]

The next person to call me a faggot is one unlucky motherfucker cause I'm seriously about to put a bullet in someone

[Fullmetal Anarchist]

I have a headache, my meds make me feel sick, I feel lost and I have no idea where I fit in anywhere.

[Aloysius]

The next person to call me a faggot is one unlucky motherfucker cause I'm seriously about to put a bullet in someone
Use a sharpened plastic spoon instead.
Then you can burn the weapon.




*Please not that I don't condone the use of weapons of any kind to maim or otherwise injure another human being, no matter bigoted and idiotic they are.*

[Quail]

My stomach really fucking hurts because I made myself puke too much. I'm worried I've done some damage but I can't stop doing it.

[TC]

My stomach really fucking hurts because I made myself puke too much. I'm worried I've done some damage but I can't stop doing it.


Well if it makes you feel any better you probably haven't done any lasting damage - its totally possible to create real medical problems that way but its not as probable as you might think from anecdotes and the internet. I would say try coping mechanisms that, you know, don't hurt, but that would be worthless advice since you've just said that you can't.

[Quail]

Well if it makes you feel any better you probably haven't done any lasting damage - its totally possible to create real medical problems that way but its not as probable as you might think from anecdotes and the internet. I would say try coping mechanisms that, you know, don't hurt, but that would be worthless advice since you've just said that you can't.
I'm sure I've just pulled a muscle or something. There's no blood when I'm sick so it's fine. It just really fucking hurts.
All of my coping mechanisms are "unhealthy," I think. I'd rather flush my worries down the loo than end up with more scars on my arms.

[¿Que?]

Maybe, just maybe, and I'm not trying to make things worse or anything, but perhaps eating disorders have something to tell us about patriarchy or if you don't accept the concept, the subordination of gendered categories. What I'm saying is it would help having a very abstract, detached discussion about patriarchy and eating disorders in order for individuals to understand the broader context in which they exist.

Maybe?

[Quail]

I don't think they always exist due to issues associated with patriarchy, and it would be wrong to generalise them as such. Eating disorders and sexual assault are very closely related, but then also, so are some sports sports, such as dancing.

[TC]

Maybe, just maybe, and I'm not trying to make things worse or anything, but perhaps eating disorders have something to tell us about patriarchy or if you don't accept the concept, the subordination of gendered categories. What I'm saying is it would help having a very abstract, detached discussion about patriarchy and eating disorders in order for individuals to understand the broader context in which they exist.

Maybe?

I think that's really reductionistic and people are complicated and individual - of course social expectations, and more specifically, the social valuation of women based on their physicality (though the same holds true for men to a degree but the standards are very different) is certainly a component but how people react to it and what makes them feel vulnerable to it is much more complicated and depends a lot more on someone's personal life histories and emotional states.

[¿Que?]

I don't think they always exist due to issues associated with patriarchy, and it would be wrong to generalise them as such. Eating disorders and sexual assault are very closely related, but then also, so are some sports sports, such as dancing.
Patriarchy or the subordination of gendered categories. All I mean by that is gendered social phenomena in which one gender is at a disadvantage. That is essentially what patriarchy is, except defined very extremely generally. In any case, then let's examine eating disorders in their societal context, without losing sight, though not letting our own individual experiences taint our analysis.


I think that's really reductionistic and people are complicated and individual - of course social expectations, and more specifically, the social valuation of women based on their physicality (though the same holds true for men to a degree but the standards are very different) is certainly a component but how people react to it and what makes them feel vulnerable to it is much more complicated and depends a lot more on someone's personal life histories and emotional states.
I think that's fair, but of what use are social explanations if they bear no connection to individual experience. They become mere abstractions. That's the fundamental error of modern psychology and particularly the DSM, or the description of psychological phenomena outside of any broad theoretical system. It's like talking about neurons but not the nervous system, because that implies a theory about human physiology.

[Quail]

Patriarchy or the subordination of gendered categories. All I mean by that is gendered social phenomena in which one gender is at a disadvantage. That is essentially what patriarchy is, except defined very extremely generally. In any case, then let's examine eating disorders in their societal context, without losing sight, though not letting our own individual experiences taint our analysis.

I can only really give anecdotal evidence based on forums I post on, but most people with eating problems seem to also have issues with sexual or emotional abuse. To an extent, yes, we can blame patriarchy and the social expectations of women, but we also have to think about the fact that it isn't just women who suffer this shit, and also think about the fact that the way abuse makes one see oneself has absolutely fuck all to do with the way that women are shown in the media. I don't starve myself or purge because I've seen skinny people in the media; I do it because I feel disgusting. It seems as though very few people understand that though.

[¿Que?]

I can only really give anecdotal evidence based on forums I post on, but most people with eating problems seem to also have issues with sexual or emotional abuse. To an extent, yes, we can blame patriarchy and the social expectations of women, but we also have to think about the fact that it isn't just women who suffer this shit, and also think about the fact that the way abuse makes one see oneself has absolutely fuck all to do with the way that women are shown in the media. I don't starve myself or purge because I've seen skinny people in the media; I do it because I feel disgusting. It seems as though very few people understand that though.
But you haven't explained why you feel disgusting. And even if you had, then you'd have to explain why certain events occurred that have resulted in your feeling this way. And after that, if you describe why those events occurred, then there's a reason for the reason and so on and so on. I don't think it's very helpful to say that men have eating disorders too, because they don't, not like women do, and not for the same reasons. From what I understand, and I may be wrong because I've never looked at statistics, men bulimia rates compared to women are almost insignificant. It seems to me you are trying to disconnect the individual level from the social context.

Take me for example. I'm a short, Latin, somewhat socially awkward Latino guy. I'd never thought about it before, but I realized one day that given everything else equal, if I was tall and white then things would have turned out better for me. Now, you may question the validity of this hypothetical, and that's fair, but let's not pretend that the fact that I'm Latin has nothing to do with anything that I endure or go through in this life. To further elucidate on matters, I'll get a little more personal. This girl I was all nuts over, well, she rarely dates Latinos, and she's Mexican-American. Thing is, I didn't fit in her category of white nor how she viewed Latin guys. Nonetheless, she's probably fucking some white dude these days, but the funny thing is, I bet had I been white (or tall), she would have tolerated the things she didn't like about me a little more. Maybe you disagree, but I don't think so.

[Quail]

But you haven't explained why you feel disgusting. And even if you had, then you'd have to explain why certain events occurred that have resulted in your feeling this way. And after that, if you describe why those events occurred, then there's a reason for the reason and so on and so on. I don't think it's very helpful to say that men have eating disorders too, because they don't, not like women do, and not for the same reasons. From what I understand, and I may be wrong because I've never looked at statistics, men bulimia rates compared to women are almost insignificant. It seems to me you are trying to disconnect the individual level from the social context.
Sorry, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to say explicitly that my feeling disgusting is related to being assaulted. The men with eating disorders that I've spoken to have been using it as a method of self harm, as many women do. I really do think it's insulting though sometimes that people treat eating disorders as some kind of vanity issue. Vomiting releases tension and avoiding food makes one feel in control of... things. It really is nothing to do with image, despite how it might appear.

[¿Que?]

Sorry, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to say explicitly that my feeling disgusting is related to being assaulted. The men with eating disorders that I've spoken to have been using it as a method of self harm, as many women do. I really do think it's insulting though sometimes that people treat eating disorders as some kind of vanity issue. Vomiting releases tension and avoiding food makes one feel in control of... things. It really is nothing to do with image, despite how it might appear.
I don't know. The men who have eating disorders may be internalizing body image messages in the same way as women generally do. In any case, you don't have to accept that it's a body image issue to accept the possibility that some of it has to do with patriarchy, or more generally, gendered roles and society.

Such as when a woman goes through something traumatic she must react in a certain way, whereas the norms dictate men should react (cope) in different ways.

And I didn't mean to force you into saying why you felt disgusting. All I was trying to do was establish a chain of relationships from the individual to society. Needless to say, and I hope I'm not crossing a line in saying this, because I'm trying to be sensitive to your issue, and also, I've revealed a little about myself so we could be on equal footing, but your assaulter was most likely male. You don't have to deny or confirm it if you don't want to, but just consider that there are various factors operating, and it is unnecessary and I would say undesirable to completely ignore the parameters of society and how they affect the decisions both you and I make.

I also am not good at sex, so there. Now I feel vulnerable too.

[Quail]

I don't know. The men who have eating disorders may be internalizing body image messages in the same way as women generally do. In any case, you don't have to accept that it's a body image issue to accept the possibility that some of it has to do with patriarchy, or more generally, gendered roles and society.
I have no doubt that some of it is to do with patriarchy, but I don't think that's always the case necessarily. Personally I feel "dirty" and being sick makes me feel "clean," if that makes sense. My body image is bad mostly because I'm a perfectionist. I've never been told that there's anything wrong with my body, and I've never paid attention to celebrities or whatever. I just hate not being "perfect."


Such as when a woman goes through something traumatic she must react in a certain way, whereas the norms dictate men should react (cope) in different ways.
I'm not sure that this is always true, but there is often a difference in the way that men and women react. For example, the rate of suicide is much higher for men and I'm pretty sure that's because men are meant to be "strong" and deal with things on their own, so they don't seek help as often as women. Also, it's incredibly difficult to get data on eating issues, and I wonder whether there are a lot more men with eating problems than is reported.

[¿Que?]

I have no doubt that some of it is to do with patriarchy, but I don't think that's always the case necessarily. Personally I feel "dirty" and being sick makes me feel "clean," if that makes sense. My body image is bad mostly because I'm a perfectionist. I've never been told that there's anything wrong with my body, and I've never paid attention to celebrities or whatever. I just hate not being "perfect."
That's fine, and I respect that. What I'm saying though, is that you're a social being (as Marx says, humans are social animals) and as such, you are a product of society while at the same time you contribute to the (re)production of current society.


I'm not sure that this is always true, but there is often a difference in the way that men and women react. For example, the rate of suicide is much higher for men and I'm pretty sure that's because men are meant to be "strong" and deal with things on their own, so they don't seek help as often as women. Also, it's incredibly difficult to get data on eating issues, and I wonder whether there are a lot more men with eating problems than is reported.
Even if that were true, you'd still have a gender difference because men don't report their eating disorders to the same extent that women do.

We live in a gendered society, plain and simple.

[Quail]

We live in a gendered society, plain and simple.
I know. I'm just trying to get across the reasons why people have eating issues because I'm sick of idiots going on about how skinny models cause them and telling me that curvy women are great, as though that's magically going to cure me. There is a difference in how men are affected by body image issues and that is due to the way that society thinks that men "should" be. I don't really even know where I'm trying to go with this conversation. I'm still kind of drunk from last night and not feeling well with stomach and chest pains. I should get back to bed.

[¿Que?]

I know. I'm just trying to get across the reasons why people have eating issues because I'm sick of idiots going on about how skinny models cause them and telling me that curvy women are great, as though that's magically going to cure me. There is a difference in how men are affected by body image issues and that is due to the way that society thinks that men "should" be. I don't really even know where I'm trying to go with this conversation. I'm still kind of drunk from last night and not feeling well with stomach and chest pains. I should get back to bed.
Ok. Hope you sleep well and feel better.

[Fullmetal Anarchist]

I have a headache, my meds make me feel sick, I feel lost and I have no idea where I fit in anywhere.


And now on top of all that I may have broken my ankle. Fun times.

[Chambered Word]

school is so fucking depressing.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

My own carelessness has gotten someone else into huge trouble and it seems likely they will end up going to prison for it. I can't come clean to them about it for fear of violence against my person. I fucked up big time and someone else is paying the price. I feel like shit, and what's worse is that there's nothing I can do about it.

He probably would have ended up in deep shit sooner or later without my inadvertant help, but that doesn't make me feel any better - it just seems like an excuse for my mistake.

I am at once scared, ashamed and miserable. Fuck.

[gorillafuck]

I really do think it's insulting though sometimes that people treat eating disorders as some kind of vanity issue.
To be fair to them, isn't it almost always?

[Salyut]

This is a terrible week. People are coming off as major dicks to me left and right. Plus I'm dry and now I'll have to start on Seroquel again...

Meaning I'll be a drooling zombie like my doctor wanted. Oh god I'm so stressed. :(

[Aloysius]

I don't want to fell any more.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Today was a great day, i helped out to make a kid birthday party and we got a lot of sweet stuff.

[Jazzratt]

My own carelessness has gotten someone else into huge trouble and it seems likely they will end up going to prison for it. I can't come clean to them about it for fear of violence against my person. I fucked up big time and someone else is paying the price. I feel like shit, and what's worse is that there's nothing I can do about it.

He probably would have ended up in deep shit sooner or later without my inadvertant help, but that doesn't make me feel any better - it just seems like an excuse for my mistake.

I am at once scared, ashamed and miserable. Fuck. Holy fuck dude. That's a hell of a burden to bear. If you feel the need to talk about it or, indeed, anything except it you can ring me or get me to ring you or something. Less than ideal.

[Fawkes]

To be fair to them, isn't it almost always?

No, even if that is sometimes the impetus. Generally, eating disorders are an attempt to maintain some kind of control over ones life.

[Quail]

To be fair to them, isn't it almost always?


No, even if that is sometimes the impetus. Generally, eating disorders are an attempt to maintain some kind of control over ones life.

Fawkes is right. It isn't really about weight.

[Bright Banana Beard]

That girl in my dream, Emily, I wanted to stick with her after realizing she is lonely even though not alone, if only I can stay dreaming and keep chilling out with her... It feels like I was in heaven.

[Chambered Word]

successfully asked her to the school formal. things are looking up. :)

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

Holy fuck dude. That's a hell of a burden to bear. If you feel the need to talk about it or, indeed, anything except it you can ring me or get me to ring you or something. Less than ideal.

After talking to some friends I feel better. Feel free to call if you still want to talk.