awkwardness

[gorillafuck]

SQByoe0T68U

If schools still showed this in sex ed classes then I probably would not have been able to contain my laughter.

[Pirate Utopian]

lol. Would you continue after something like that happened?

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

Ahahahahaha!:laugh::lol::laugh:

That's the creepiest/ funniest/ most awkward thing ever.

[Fawkes]

That's the single most epic boner kill this side of Bruce Vilanch (and he has many sides).

[Ele'ill]

That video is less about masturbating and more about knocking before you open a door.

[Fawkes]

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

[Quail]

Hahaha that was really creepy. When I see videos like this, I wonder what kind of life the actors had - surely this video must've haunted the guy playing the son throughout his teenage years.

[Tablo]

What is the point of the video? I don't understand.

[Obs]

I, too, stare emotionless at the ceiling when I masturbate.

[gorillafuck]

WgGZybN8i5Y

This version is good, too.

[FreeFocus]

WgGZybN8i5Y

This version is good, too.:laugh:

"Parents walk in on you masturbating. Stare at them and FINISH LIKE A BOSS." :lol: (I got that from another forum a few months ago)

These videos had me rolling hard. :lol::lol:

[gorillafuck]

V_L-miRT16s

This is when Ricky is tripping balls.

[Magón]

If the kid was 18, this would have been a porno.

[Raúl Duke]

hahaha, wtf. There's just to many odd things happening in that film.


That video is less about masturbating and more about knocking before you open a door.

QFT

[Luisrah]

Jesus, that is such a boner kill. I don't think I'd masturbate for a week after that thing happened. It was so awkward lol

[Pirate Utopian]

Who could continue after such a thing happened?

[gorillafuck]

Who could continue after such a thing happened?
Nobody. Nobody at all.

[Political_Chucky]

Has anyone ever been caught? I have..... :mellow: My dad had to take me to basketball practice an hour later and we didn't talk about anything but sports lmao:blushing:

[Tablo]

That suuuuucks

[JazzRemington]

http://files.myopera.com/fearphage/forums/the_more_you_know.jpg

There's worse, btw.

[bcbm]

i wish i could find some of the videos i had to watch in middle school. they were all from the 70s and awkward as fuck. one had a kid talking to a zookeeper about penis size

i really like the gentle hippie music playing

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

I say it makes a nice change from "masturbation will turn you into a blind hairy-palmed deviant who stalks parks late at night" kind of abstinence-only stuff that's being pushed in some parts of the world ("scare 'em straight").

[Il Medico]

I say it makes a nice change from "masturbation will turn you into a blind hairy-palmed deviant who stalks parks late at night" kind of abstinence-only stuff that's being pushed in some parts of the world ("scare 'em straight").
"KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of Tea-Shades, But his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command-including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you. Good luck."

[Lord Testicles]

"I'm glad your doing it in the privacy of your own room"

As opposed to... :mellow:

[Jazzratt]

"I'm glad your doing it in the privacy of your own room"

As opposed to... :mellow: The bus.

[Quail]

Has anyone ever been caught? I have..... :mellow: My dad had to take me to basketball practice an hour later and we didn't talk about anything but sports lmao:blushing:
I've never been caught, but I don't tend to do it at times when I'm likely to get caught.

[gorillafuck]

I don't get caught because I have a lock on my door.

[Quail]

My parents wouldn't have trusted me with a lock on my door :(

[Blackscare]

The 70's were a terrible decade.

[Jazzratt]

When I was younger I had a lock on my door then we moved house and I had a lock on both sides of my door. That was weird.

Fun fact: I'm still living with my parents (due largely to my chronic unemployment) and my room currently only has a lock on the outside. I'm still really quite unsure of the utility of this.

[gorillafuck]

My parents wouldn't have trusted me with a lock on my door :(
Sucks for you. My parents once banned me from locking my door when they found weed so I was there at one point.


Fun fact: I'm still living with my parents (due largely to my chronic unemployment) and my room currently only has a lock on the outside. I'm still really quite unsure of the utility of this.
In case there's a fire and they need the life insurance.

[Quail]

When I was younger I had a lock on my door then we moved house and I had a lock on both sides of my door. That was weird.

Fun fact: I'm still living with my parents (due largely to my chronic unemployment) and my room currently only has a lock on the outside. I'm still really quite unsure of the utility of this.
It has a lock on the outside to keep you inside, perhaps?

[Jazzratt]

It has a lock on the outside to keep you inside, perhaps? It's been there since before I moved in. A surprising proportion of the doors in my house are arranged thus. Including my parents' room and, hilariously, the bathroom.

[Fawkes]

"I'm glad your doing it in the privacy of your own room"

As opposed to... :mellow:

Places I've cranked it: bus bathroom, school bathroom, foundation of an old burnt house in the woods, my car while driving on the Merritt Parkway (one of the windiest fucking highways ever), my car while driving on the Mass Pike with the roof down (:cool:), friends' (plural) beds, friends' parents' beds, my own parents' bed (I'm a sick fuck, I was only 11 or something), car door handle of a kid I hated, bathroom of Dunkin Donuts during a pit stop on a family trip, way too many bathrooms and showers to ever hope to count, in a pool, in a hot tub, in the ocean, on a propane tank outside, sitting on the toilet (:thumbup1:), on a little sailboat I was sailing alone with my uncle in another boat about 50 yards away, and probably a lot more places I can't think of right now.

I'm one slap happy camper.

Miraculously, I've never been caught by anyone I actually care about catching me (I used to hold conversations with friends during sleepovers while beating off, so I really don't care if they walk in on me). I guess I'm just a pro.

[bcbm]

tmi

[Fawkes]

tmi

;)

they asked

[Tablo]

Places I've cranked it: bus bathroom, school bathroom, foundation of an old burnt house in the woods, my car while driving on the Merritt Parkway (one of the windiest fucking highways ever), my car while driving on the Mass Pike with the roof down (:cool:), friends' (plural) beds, friends' parents' beds, my own parents' bed (I'm a sick fuck, I was only 11 or something), car door handle of a kid I hated, bathroom of Dunkin Donuts during a pit stop on a family trip, way too many bathrooms and showers to ever hope to count, in a pool, in a hot tub, in the ocean, on a propane tank outside, sitting on the toilet (:thumbup1:), on a little sailboat I was sailing alone with my uncle in another boat about 50 yards away, and probably a lot more places I can't think of right now.

I'm one slap happy camper.

Miraculously, I've never been caught by anyone I actually care about catching me (I used to hold conversations with friends during sleepovers while beating off, so I really don't care if they walk in on me). I guess I'm just a pro.
If there really is such thing as a professional masturbator then you clearly are one. :thumbup1:

[Jazzratt]

If there really is such thing as a professional masturbator then you clearly are one. :thumbup1: There's such a thing as a quintessential wanker which may be nearer the mark :lol:

[Magón]

I don't think there's ever been a time when I got caught jerkin' it. I've come close to getting caught though.

[Tablo]

I don't think there's ever been a time when I got caught jerkin' it. I've come close to getting caught though.
It will happen eventually.

[gorillafuck]

Fawkes, I'm not gonna lie. Some of those are really, really fuckin' weird.

[Magón]

It will happen eventually.

Maybe, but not by my parents (who don't even live in the same city) or roommates. Maybe my lady friend, but that doesn't matter. :thumbup1:

[Tablo]

Maybe, but not by my parents (who don't even live in the same city) or roommates. Maybe my lady friend, but that doesn't matter. :thumbup1:
Still kinda awkward though. :lol:

[crazyirish93]

"I'm glad your doing it in the privacy of your own room"

As opposed to... :mellow:

in school while everyone is in the room and ure unlucky enough to sit beside said person

[Fawkes]

Fawkes, I'm not gonna lie. Some of those are really, really fuckin' weird.

:D

[Salyut]

Source is here. (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2987243478639579087)

[Political_Chucky]

I've never been caught, but I don't tend to do it at times when I'm likely to get caught.
You don't take enough risk! Thats where the fun is:rolleyes:

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

my own parents' bed (I'm a sick fuck, I was only 11 or something)

Its not that sick, I'm sure we have all done it whether we admit it or not.

[Political_Chucky]

Its not that sick, I'm sure we have all done it whether we admit it or not.

Yeah thats not as bad as me. I sleep on the same mattress I was conceived on.:bored:

[gorillafuck]

Oh god what kind of thread have I created?!

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

Yeah thats not as bad as me. I sleep on the same mattress I was conceived on.:bored:

And then you can pass it down to your son..make it a family heirloom. Are there still amniotic fluid stains?

[Blackscare]

Not gonna lie, I love spanking it at work. Not at the register, mind you, but in the bathroom. Something about beating myself silly on "company" time that is oh-so-satisfying.

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

My favorite spot was always the woods, the fresh air, quietness, freedom...awwww.

cant whack myself off without good old porn anymore, though

[Political_Chucky]

Oh god what kind of thread have I created?!

THe best thread ever!!!



And then you can pass it down to your son..make it a family heirloom. Are there still amniotic fluid stains?

HAHAHA I never thought of that. Maybe its time I conceive some of my own. I'm afraid to black light it though, I'm sure there are stains from them and me lol.

But yeah agreed, porn destroys your imagination sexually lol.

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

THe best thread ever!!!



HAHAHA I never thought of that. Maybe its time I conceive some of my own. I'm afraid to black light it though, I'm sure there are stains from them and me lol.

But yeah agreed, porn destroys your imagination sexually lol.

whoops wrong read that wrong, I though you meant you were born on it...

LOL, that's wrong.

[Political_Chucky]

lol what the-- how would I be born on a mattress :laugh: That would be much worse.

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

lol what the-- how would I be born on a mattress :laugh: That would be much worse.

I guess I read Angela's Ashes one to many times, to the point where that's just a normal thing for me.

I bet I have the most awkward moment of getting caught...

my sisters ex, on my moms bed... in the middle of the day... sick as dog with the flu. I'm pretty glad I don't live in Alberta anymore.

[Blackscare]

I don't even watch that much porn. Not that I'm against it really, but I definitely enjoy what my brain can whip up more. When I do watch porn, it usually goes something like this:

http://dudelol.com/DO-NOT-HOTLINK-IMAGES/Bachelor-Frog-TRUTH.jpg

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

the only time i have the imagination to masturbate without porn is on amphetamines, but fuck that shit.

[Blackscare]

the only time i have the imagination to masturbate without porn is on amphetamines, but fuck that shit.

Lol probably took you forever to get it up and actually finish.

[¿Que?]

Has anyone ever wondered what a jerked gherkin would taste like. I mean like a literal jerked gherkin.

Never thought about it until this thread actually...

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

Lol probably took you forever to get it up and actually finish.

I think My longest time was 7 hours but feels good, man.

[Quail]

You don't take enough risk! Thats where the fun is:rolleyes:
Nah I like to be relaxed, so bed or bath tend to be the only places I would do it.


I think My longest time was 7 hours but feels good, man.
Don't you have anything better to do than wank for seven hours? Didn't your arm get horribly tired?

I don't ever use porn. My memories and imagination are perfectly sufficient.

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

Don't you have anything better to do than wank for seven hours? Didn't your arm get horribly tired?


When your awake all night and you've already read every book in the house twice from previous nights up, jacking it is the only option left.

[Fawkes]

Don't you have anything better to do than wank for seven hours?

Is there anything better to do?

[ed miliband]

I think My longest time was 7 hours but feels good, man.

Surely your hand was, er, bloody... after?

Just... how did you manage that? Fuck.

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

Surely your hand was, er, bloody... after?

Just... how did you manage that? Fuck.

this..


amphetamines

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

I only use my imagination if I'm in bed having just woken up/about to go to sleep, or when I'm in the shower. If I ever figure out a way to access my porn collection or the internet from those places, I'd probably only ever get out of bed to have a shower.

[Il Medico]

Oh dear, what happened here?

[John "Eh" MacDonald]

I only use my imagination if I'm in bed having just woken up/about to go to sleep, or when I'm in the shower. If I ever figure out a way to access my porn collection or the internet from those places, I'd probably only ever get out of bed to have a shower.

LOL, its amphetamines, eh?

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

LOL, its amphetamines, eh?

What makes you think I need drugs to be a lazy degenerate?

[gorillafuck]

Oh dear, what happened here?
Well what happened here is that my hilarious video thread became "The Masturbation Thread".

[Tommy4ever]

Places I've cranked it: bus bathroom, school bathroom, foundation of an old burnt house in the woods, my car while driving on the Merritt Parkway (one of the windiest fucking highways ever), my car while driving on the Mass Pike with the roof down (:cool:), friends' (plural) beds, friends' parents' beds, my own parents' bed (I'm a sick fuck, I was only 11 or something), car door handle of a kid I hated, bathroom of Dunkin Donuts during a pit stop on a family trip, way too many bathrooms and showers to ever hope to count, in a pool, in a hot tub, in the ocean, on a propane tank outside, sitting on the toilet (:thumbup1:), on a little sailboat I was sailing alone with my uncle in another boat about 50 yards away, and probably a lot more places I can't think of right now.

I'm one slap happy camper.

Miraculously, I've never been caught by anyone I actually care about catching me (I used to hold conversations with friends during sleepovers while beating off, so I really don't care if they walk in on me). I guess I'm just a pro.

I feel like such an inadequate wanker when compared to you.

Amazingly I've never actually had a fap whilst at school. This is my last year and I think from now on I shall make it my mission to end that.

The one where you said you could hold conversations with your friends at sleepovers whilst having a cheeky tug is pretty sick. :p


I only use my imagination if I'm in bed having just woken up/about to go to sleep, or when I'm in the shower. If I ever figure out a way to access my porn collection or the internet from those places, I'd probably only ever get out of bed to have a shower.

Haha.

[Rafiq]

I think My longest time was 7 hours but feels good, man.

Oh dear, seven hours?

I would have gave up after seven minutes!

[TC]

That video is less about masturbating and more about knocking before you open a door.

Yes...also locking a door...the door clearly had a lock built into the door knob...yet he clearly didn't use it...

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

Yes...also locking a door...the door clearly had a lock built into the door knob...yet he clearly didn't use it...

I didn't notice that...

[Misanthrope]

Who could continue after such a thing happened?

I have many times and will continue, I don't back down.

[Quail]

I have many times and will continue, I don't back down.
But surely being caught is a bit of a turn off?

[Fawkes]

But surely being caught is a bit of a turn off?

4wNknGIKkoA