i hate you americans (why can you already watch machete???)

[Sasha]

Machete: Danny Trejo Don't Text

by Grant Brissey (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Author?oid=23414)
http://www.thestranger.com/binary/5739/570.jpg

dir. Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis

(http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Search?search=movietimes&film=3888850)

Machete

Before Machete's opening credits even get a chance to roll, approximately 108 people are gruesomely executed, roughly 14 percent via decapitation—all but two by the hand (and the machete) of Mexican Federale Machete (Danny Trejo, spot-on in his first leading role, a part for which it seems he was born). The first to die is Machete's partner (shot by drug-lord sentries during the initial assault), and the last to die is Machete's wife (decapitated, delivered by Steven Seagal, here as a Mexican drug lord with a suspicious widow's peak).
Fast-forward through a narrow escape and some bullshit recovery time (Machete don't need no recovery time), and we rejoin Machete in his new life as a day laborer in Texas. One fistfight later (Machete wins without even throwing a punch), a racist, murderous Texas senator goads Machete into doing something he's against. Fast-forward through the inevitable setup (Machete already know it was a setup), and Machete is on the illuminated path to revenge. But his enemies are numerous: The law thinks he attempted to kill the senator (Robert De Niro). A homicidal cabal of border patrollers led by Lt. Stillman (Don Johnson!) wants him dead. And the man who killed his family, who is in cahoots with the senator's henchmen, finds out that Machete has resurfaced.


Factions splinter in the battle over illegal immigration, and soon Machete counts among his allies the leader of an underground illegal immigrant network, Luz (Michelle Rodriguez); a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent (Jessica Alba); and a cell phone (Machete don't text). Blood begins to boil when the bad guys kill his priest brother (Cheech Marin).
What follows is a warpath featuring all manner of shocking assaults. A weed whacker becomes a weapon; an attacker's large intestine is used as a rappelling rope; a machete stabs through a door, an open mouth, and out the back of the head. The casting is pitch-perfect, the gore—aside from a few sloppy moments of CGI—is awe-inspiring, and the laughs are hearty and constant. Bonuses: Lindsay Lohan as the main henchman's drug-addled, internet-porn-star-aspiring daughter. Also, watching Machete write a text message. If you are in a bad mood, stop what you're doing immediately and go watch this movie. http://www.thestranger.com/images/rec_star.gif

i want to see this movie so bad...

[The Vegan Marxist]

i want to see this movie so bad...

I've been told from friends who's already seen it that it had a pretty big political lean to it & that it also quoted a famous political figure we all know, but he wouldn't tell me who. I can't wait to see it as well.

[Pirate Utopian]

The fact that whitey racists are freaking out and it has Danny Trejo are both a big plus.

I love all that Grindhouse shit. They are doing Hobo With A Shotgun too.
They even got a trailer for it:
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Rutger Hauer, motherfuckers.

[Pretty Flaco]

I remember seeing the previews for this and my friends all laughing and I was the only one who was seriously interested in seeing it...

[Os Cangaceiros]

I've been told from friends who's already seen it that it had a pretty big political lean to it & that it also quoted a famous political figure we all know, but he wouldn't tell me who. I can't wait to see it as well.

They reference Che in it. And FARC, but you'll only catch that reference if you have a keen eye and know of one particular picture (http://www.instablogsimages.com/images/2008/07/22/farc-rebel_c6rhQ_2263.jpg) of a female FARC rebel.

I saw it tonight. It's not bad, but not spectacular either.

And all of the people who say that it's "racist" are stupid as fuck, LOL. It's just a hammy exploitation film (the part where Tom Savini enters the cathedral, set to ultra-cheesy Godfather-esque music had me trembling with laughter. Steven Seagal's stupid faux-Spanish accent was amusing as well).

[praxis1966]

Dude, I can't wait to see this shit. I'd thank God the grindhouse genre has been given resuscitation, but I don't believe in him.

[Magón]

I loved it. Thought it was hilarious for what it was. Over the top, Mexican Ass kicking action!:thumbup1:

[ComradeOm]

It's just a hammy exploitation film...What perplexes me is that so many people have bought into the delusion that resurrecting this genre (even with a knowing wink) is a good thing. Rodriguez and Tarantino can throw all the blood and knowing references they want at a screen but it still doesn’t make these films any less stupid

[praxis1966]

What perplexes me is that so many people have bought into the delusion that resurrecting this genre (even with a knowing wink) is a good thing. Rodriguez and Tarantino can throw all the blood and knowing references they want at a screen but it still doesn’t make these films any less stupid

It's just cotton candy for your brain, man. We watch them for the same reason people watch romantic comedies, horror or slapstick. It gives you a couple of hours off mentally, freeing you from thinking about all the depressing shit that happens both to us and the rest of the world on a second by second basis. I couldn't care less if you don't like grindhouse, to each his/her own and all that.

[Pirate Utopian]

I loved it. Not a boring scene. :thumbup1:

[ComradeOm]

It's just cotton candy for your brain, manYet Rodriguez and Tarantino are generally not considered in the same bracket as Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich

[Os Cangaceiros]

That's because the critics have a love affair with Tarantino. Rodriguez, not so much, although his older films (From Dusk Till Dawn, Desperado, El Mariachi etc.) didn't exactly get bad reviews.

I like exploitation, but I think that T&R largely miss the point of the older films...they weren't huge, big-budget spectacles. Part of their charm was their cheap, independent film nature.

[Pirate Utopian]

Planet Terror definitely missed it. But I think Machete does it quite well.

Now a movie unrelated to Tarantino and Rodriguez namely Black Dynamite, the greatest comedy ever, did it best.

[x359594]

Yet Rodriguez and Tarantino are generally not considered in the same bracket as Michael Bay or Roland Emmerich

That's because Tarantino and Rodriguez know where to put the camera and Bay and Emmerich don't.

[Jimmie Higgins]

That's because Tarantino and Rodriguez know where to put the camera and Bay and Emmerich don't.I totally agree - it's stylish escapism and that makes it both more interesting and generally more entertaining. I feel like I'm being "directed down" to when I watch "Transformers" or something like that because they broadcast every plot development which are just excuses for a series of boring set-pieces - but "Kill Bill" and things like that, while derivative, is like watching a hip-hop MC throwing clever references to their audience.

[ComradeOm]

... is like watching a hip-hop MC throwing clever references to their audience.Well yes, that's the one thing that you're guaranteed to get with this late-period Tarantino - endless film references (and blood). We get it Quentin, you've watched a lot of old films

[Jimmie Higgins]

Well yes, that's the one thing that you're guaranteed to get with this late-period TarantinoWhat do you mean late-period? Tarintino has always been derivative of international and underground/exploitation US movies. But pastiche can be entertaining when done well.

[synthesis]

Pure, unmitigated awesome. Some random film critic, whose name escapes me at the moment, was definitely spot-on when he said that this is the movie The Expendables wishes it was. Sold out in Portland the whole opening weekend.

[praxis1966]

That's because Tarantino and Rodriguez know where to put the camera and Bay and Emmerich don't.

If Bay and Emmerich figured out where to put the camera they'd retire; they'd have to realize that given their oeuvre so far, the only proper place for it is up their own asses. Those guys' movies fail on so many more levels than simply their technical aspects...