Hey atheists!

[ContrarianLemming]

lets do a "hey atheists" joke thread

you know, the classic joke form started by the one and only messiah edward Current

I'll start

hey atheists

If we evolved form apes, how come babies arn't born apes?

Checkmate!

Hey atheists

If frogs are related to monkeys, where are all the fronkies? (this is real)

Checkmate!


go

[fa2991]

You'll think this is fake, but I've heard

"Evolution means that everything grew out of a rock!"

[IllicitPopsicle]

3 risk factors for atheism:
pretends he's smarter than he really is
is increasingly self-centered
refuses to give the Bible equal time

[Tenka]

hey atheists

If we evolved form monkies, why come thar's still monkies??

Checkmate!

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

People who believe in creationism are the missing link

[Tablo]

Bananas.
Checkmate!

[Pirate Utopian]

Hey athiests!
Fucking magnets, how do they work?

Checkmate!

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

You're all going to Hell.:rolleyes::laugh:

See you all there.

[Tenka]

hey atheists

if thar's no god, why come the planets are round??

Checkmate!

[Il Medico]

hey atheists

if thar's no god, why come the planets are round??

Checkmate!
gravity.

[Il Medico]

Checkmate.

[leftace53]

hey atheists
hey religious people.

am i doin it rite?

[Il Medico]

hey atheists
hey religious people.

am i doin it rite?
hey leftace

if you are doing it right,
then why is it wrong?

Checkmate.

[leftace53]

hey atheists
where is your god now?

[IllicitPopsicle]

Hey atheists

NO U

Checkmate.

[Raúl Duke]

:lol:

[Adi Shankara]

Hey atheists, how is it that the highly improbable world is created in an improbable scenario with an extremely slight chance within the anthropic principle of a few billion years with no direct cause for no reason at all whatsoever, only to spawn beings that have high sentient intelligence that exist only within at least millions of light years away from other possible sentient beings?

=D

[¿Que?]

Hey atheists,

If people evolved from monkeys, does that mean god evolved from a super intelligent god-monkey?

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

hey atheists
where is your god now?
LOL

Loves it!

Hey atheists

What happens when you pee on an electric fence?

[Tenka]

gravity.

Darwinite gibbering! Everyone knows gravity is just a theory!!

Checkmate :B

[NecroCommie]

Hey atheists, how is it that the highly improbable world is created in an improbable scenario with an extremely slight chance within the anthropic principle of a few billion years with no direct cause for no reason at all whatsoever, only to spawn beings that have high sentient intelligence that exist only within at least millions of light years away from other possible sentient beings?

=D
Well, it's more propable than magic.
Zing!

[ZeroNowhere]

Hey atheists, how is it that the highly improbable world is created in an improbable scenario with an extremely slight chance within the anthropic principle of a few billion years with no direct cause for no reason at all whatsoever, only to spawn beings that have high sentient intelligence that exist only within at least millions of light years away from other possible sentient beings?

=DBecause God does not play dice with the universe.

[ContrarianLemming]

Atheists think the world came about by chance

Creationists KNOW a wizard did it.

[Lenina Rosenweg]

"Evolution was Darwin's way of making a monkey out of man". This used to be used a lot by US fundies. I haven't heard it in a while though.

"My ancestors weren't apes!" I've heard this a fair number of times. Such a brilliant argument, I couldn't think of any comeback.

"The Bible says it/I believe it/That's it" bumper sticker. Note the insightful, cogent argument there.

"Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven" bumper sticker

"Warning, in case of Rapture, this car driven by a Christian"

"We are an Easter people" large sign outside a Catholic church I used to see years ago. Why is being an "Easter people" better than being say a "Bastaille Day people" or a "May Day people"? How about being a Cinquo de Mayo people? That might be really cool.

[Adi Shankara]

Atheists think the world came about by chance

Creationists KNOW a wizard did it.

and at the end of the day, they're both highly improbable near-impossible happenstances that need a first cause, seeing as spontaneous creation is just a theory and still hotly contested, so no matter what you believe in, what you believe in is probably wrong.

[Jazzratt]

Hey atheists

Your theories are hotly contested. I know because me and the other morons keep shouting that they're wrong and you must pay attention to us.

Checkmate.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

I got you all beat. This is an actual quote from a fundie:

"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it"

Take that, atheists!

[Chambered Word]

I got you all beat. This is an actual quote from a fundie:

"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it"

Take that, atheists!

Never gets old. :laugh:

Another real one I've seen went something along the lines of: 'if evolution is real, why haven't the tomatoes in my backyard evolved into watermelons yet? I have proof that evolution is false'.

[ZeroNowhere]

I got you all beat. This is an actual quote from a fundie:

"One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn’t possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it"

Take that, atheists!
Hey atheists,

Newton's law of universal gravitation relies on the Big G in order to be correct.

Checkmate!

[Wanted Man]

Another real example came from the Gereformeerde Bond (Reformed League), a conservative current within the Dutch Protestant Church. Last year, they had a top-level meeting to discuss "the creation debate". This year, they presented their conclusions in an "outreach" to religious communities, and guess what? God won! One good argument and not a straw man at all:


De evolutietheorie spreekt over de
ontwikkeling van soorten waarbij tel-
kens de sterkste en meest aangepaste
de overhand behaalt en de zwakste
uitsterft (‘the survival of the fittest’).
In bewegingen als het communisme
en het fascisme is deze gedachte
toegepast op het menselijk leven: de
sterkste bezit de geschiedenis en heeft
de toekomst. Als de evolutietheorie uit
de natuurwetenschap wordt gehaald
om tot levensfilosofie te worden, kan
zij tot een ernstige morele bedreiging
worden.

Meaning:


Evolution theory speaks of a development of species in which the strongest and most adaptive constantly gains the upper hand, while the weakest die ('the survival of the fittest'). Movements like communism and fascism apply this thought to human life: the strongest possesses history and has the future. If evolution theory is removed from science and turned into a philosophy of life, it can become a serious moral threat.

And just in case anyone still has his doubts:


De vreze des HEEREN is het beginsel
van alle wetenschap. Wetenschap en
geloof sluiten elkaar niet uit. Door het
geloof verstaan we dat de wereld door
het Woord Gods is toebereid. De wereld
als schepping van de goede God mogen
we onderzoeken als rentmeesters.


The fear of the LORD is the beginning of all science. Science and religion are not mutually exclusive. Through religion we understand that the world has been informed by the Word of God. As stewards (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stewardship_%28theology%29), we are allowed to examine the world as the creation of the good God.

Checkmate!

http://i53.tinypic.com/35iavqo.gif

[ContrarianLemming]

and at the end of the day, they're both highly improbable near-impossible happenstances that need a first cause, seeing as spontaneous creation is just a theory and still hotly contested, so no matter what you believe in, what you believe in is probably wrong.

thing is, evolutionary sceintists don't believe it came about by chance, that's just something creationists say about them, and it boggles the mind.

[Adi Shankara]

thing is, evolutionary sceintists don't believe it came about by chance, that's just something creationists say about them, and it boggles the mind.

not the earth that came by chance...but the optimal conditions for the universe to hold the earth in suspension and remain optimal for life. No one really knows, for no one was there in the beginning.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

not the earth that came by chance...but the optimal conditions for the universe to hold the earth in suspension and remain optimal for life. No one really knows, for no one was there in the beginning.

You do know that life itself has altered the conditions to keep Earth good for life, right? This means that, for example, it is not by chance that there is now plenty of free oxygen for us animals to breathe. Life only has to get the tiniest of toeholds once and it can develop into something complex and wonderful.

[fa2991]

Hey, atheists! If you're so much better than Christians, then why was Hitler Catholic? Oh, wait a minute...

[NecroCommie]

No one really knows, for no one was there in the beginning.
This sentence assumes that there is no knowledge beyond personal experience.

[BeerShaman]

not the earth that came by chance...but the optimal conditions for the universe to hold the earth in suspension and remain optimal for life. No one really knows, for no one was there in the beginning.
What if there was np beginning?!?! :blink:

[Imposter Marxist]

Hey atheists!

All your science and logic is bullshit and lies.

CHECKMATE.