How do you get over being dumped?

[howblackisyourflag]

What do you do to cheer yourself up?

It was only a short relationship, but she was really hot, feels bad man. :(

[Khalid]

Booze, man.

[S.Artesian]

What do you do to cheer yourself up?

It was only a short relationship, but she was really hot, feels bad man. :(

1. Time. Time takes care of everything

2. Martial arts. Sweat it out.

3. Music. The Marvelettes "Too Many Fish In the Sea"

4. Time (see 1 above).

[Lyev]

People told me take up a hobby or something, but being dumped left me with absolutely no enthusiasm or confidence, so I never really felt like it much. But, there are things that will take your mind of off it for sure. For example, the day I split with the most recent girlfriend I had, I had a really good day of activism selling newspapers and whatnot which took my mind completely off of it for a few hours. Music helps too, as Artesian said. Anyway, in the end, if it was someone you felt you had a genuine connection to, and they obviously didn't feel the same way (hence why the split up with you) then there's not a lot that will really cure, so to speak, you overnight. I split up with someone about 3 or 4 months ago but I still miss her occasionally - the fact that it's been so long since we split up and I'm still thinking about her regularly often makes me feel worse. The worst thing though is thinking what we would be doing together now, or thinking back on the stupid plans I made, it's not nice at all; it makes me feel like a fucking twat too. And also, the way that she didn't care at all and just carried on as normal, seemingly without an ounce of guilt didn't feel too good either. My empathy goes out to you, although describing her as "really hot" isn't the best way to look back on it, I'd say. Don't you feel you should refine or specify the way you feel about her, at all?

[NecroCommie]

Breakups are the best things in my life! I always feel so free! I just go: "Hmmm... wha could I do tonight?... Oh yes, I no longer have to take into account other people, I can do whatever I want!" That realization is the best thing ever. I doubt I will have any kind of relationship for a looooong time.

...


Propably didn't help. :(

[leftace53]

become jaded. it fixes everything

[Tablo]

Having sex helps. It can boost confidence. In the long run only time helps.

[Invincible Summer]

It really helps to have someone you can talk to. Also exercising, preferably something that helps take out your anxiety and whatnot.

[Sasha]

1. get wasted and feel sorry for yourself
2. get wasted and get laid
3. pick yourself up and get on with life

[Rakhmetov]

Just imagine what he/she will look like in 20 or 30 years ... it helps a lot.

[gorillafuck]

Smoke weed brah.

[Invader Zim]

Well, I recently ended my own three year relationship with my former partner. I was doing the 'dumping' so I guess this is a little different. But I found myself entering a rather shitty time, which I guess I'm still in. At first I drank far too much, as in several bottles of spirits a week for a few weeks. This is not, regardless of what other people have said in this thread, a viable solution to anything and certainly not depression. In fact it probably made things worse. I also ended up sleeping, very shortly after, with a good friend of mine and our 'just friends' relationship with 'benefits but no committments' has lasted several weeks, but I suspect has run its course, and hopefuly won't take our friendship along with it. So I don't suggest that either. I also slept with my ex a couple of times after the break up, this is a very bad idea for reasons not worth going into. I have also taken up smoking, and that is because being both a little depressed, and having little to do in the evenings makes you very bored. You have lots to do and think about, looking back retrospectively, when you are in a relationship, you also have companionship. All these seem to go when you suddenly find yourself to be single again.

So, in short, I have no idea. I haven't found my solution yet, I hope you find one soon.

[howblackisyourflag]

I'm reminded of this depressing quote:

"Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less."
— Chuck Klosterman (http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/375.Chuck_Klosterman) (Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto (http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/929649))

Having been on both sides I can say which side I'd rather be on, although breakups always suck.

[Nolan]

Go kill something. Deer season is only a few months away. :thumbup1:

[Jazzratt]

I don't. I allow it to fester so that years down the line I can still be angry about the blackhearted poison snakes (of which I have a list) from the past without bothering to seek new people to be bitter and twisted about.

[Tavarisch_Mike]

sorry to hear that :(. Now youve got some good tips frome evrybody else here, but i would also say that time is the only thing that will heal your pain and i know it sucks when people say that but unfortunatley its true. Later on, youre just going to be fine :)

[Tablo]

I don't. I allow it to fester so that years down the line I can still be angry about the blackhearted poison snakes (of which I have a list) from the past without bothering to seek new people to be bitter and twisted about.
I'm so sorry. Can I help you in any way? :crying:

[Lyev]

I don't. I allow it to fester so that years down the line I can still be angry about the blackhearted poison snakes (of which I have a list) from the past without bothering to seek new people to be bitter and twisted about.I'm lovin' this solution! I think mine is festering nicely at the moment, I have become very cynical and angry and everyone and anyone for no apparent reason. But I gain immense pleasure out of telling fucking idiots to fuck off, so I am in a reasonably happy place, but still 100% less happy than I was with the girlfriend I recently split up with. So, to the OP, I suppose cynicism can fill the vacuum if you'd like.

[Veg_Athei_Socialist]

I'm sorry to hear about that. Hopefully you feel better soon. Getting over someone can seem like the hardest thing in the world, but eventually time will pass and you'll find someone else you're interested in.

[Raúl Duke]

Have a read of this (http://http://www.newser.com/story/94817/love-is-an-addiction.html)

I only suggest time. In the meantime, distract yourself with other things. Go hang out with your friends, maybe smoke some pot (or other drugs of your choice, but I don't suggest psychedelics in a bad state of mind), meet new people (I remember reading, although not a scientific study, of the opinion that if you find someone else and get attracted to them and/or get into a relationship it let's you get over past break-ups easy/fast). Whatever the case, don't think about them or the situation much (don't dwell) since it will make it worse.

or


become jaded. it fixes everything

[Il Medico]

Become a hipster and don't give a shit.

[Raúl Duke]

Become a hipster and don't give a shit.

lol
for some reason that remind me of this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knN5NsKbggo&feature=player_embedded)

[Aloysius]

Sorry to hear that, Comrade.
Getting over someone is no easy thing, let me tell you. You may have read about my "plight" in the "Pour Your Heart Out II" thread, which I frequent often...
So, I loved this girl for four years, she broke up with in our 3rd week of dating, because of her sister, supposedly...And I pined after her for the entirety of middle school. I didn't see her at all during that time, so whatever. We finally got off our asses and went and met each other at the local mind-slave factory (the mall. which I was actually terrified of entering, due to a previous bad experience) back in February? Yeah, February...And we sort of hit it off. Again. So, fairly recently, I told her I loved her. She pretty much blew me off, but eventually asked me out. I, quite literally, would have said yes at any other point in my life, but she said she would wait, and dammit she did. Sort of. A week after she asked me out, I said yes, and she said no. She had gotten back with her ex. Fuck waiting. Needless to say, I'm done.
What I'm trying to say is, when all's said and done, you're probably better off. I'm happy these days. I can go an entire day without thinking of her. Having a decent Internet connection really helps though. And music. Merchant Ships, a local band, has some really good breakup tunes.

[Fawkes]

strip club

or

ice cream

depending on your personality, but one is guaranteed to do the trick for ya

[Aloysius]

Gallon of ice cream and hot wings all the way.

[Bright Banana Beard]

Go cry a river, listen to plenty of love music, drink some alcohol

then

make friends and do drugs with them while one of them or you own the house for a season to hang out.

then score them and make a meaningful memory.

that how I get over.

[Il Medico]

Go cry a river, listen to plenty of love music, drink some alcohol

then

make friends and do drugs with them while one of them or you own the house for a season to hang out.

then score them and make a meaningful memory.

that how I get over.
BR, you are either an amazing troll, or an insane man. I think you're both.

[Jazzratt]

I'm so sorry. Can I help you in any way? :crying: I'd have hoped that the phrase "blackhearted poison snakes" would have helped illustrate that I wasn't entirely serious.

[La Comédie Noire]

Cut off all contact with them, exercise like a demon, get a more interesting partner, travel places and take lot's of pictures (pictures are very important as you'll see) then reconnect with them. The first reconnect is very important, you should only do it when you have something to hold over the other person's head, otherwise you might end up looking like a loser. Let it start off slowly, add them on face book (letting them add you is even better) , post pictures of your totally interesting life, make statuses that express how much fun you are having.

"Going sky diving LOL!"

One day they'll try to message you personally (trust me it will happen) act very uninterested and enigmatic, do not give away too much at one time! Eventually they'll say "we should totally hang out!" Again, act uninterested, make them work for you.

Then you guys will have a few casual hangouts, usually around the 3rd or fourth time they will make a move on you. This part is important, say "no thank you, it just wouldn't be right" and walk away.

It should be stressed if you break any of these rules you will be giving your self away and they'll be able to smell your desperation.



Read the Count of Monte Cristo for inspiration. And remember, the best revenge is living well!

[Bilan]

Hang out with your friends.
Force yourself to.
Go for a drink. Have a cigarette.
Come to terms.

[Jazzhands]

Read the Count of Monte Cristo for inspiration.

So carry around a vial of magic kool-aid?

[Invader Zim]

Sorry to hear that, Comrade.
Getting over someone is no easy thing, let me tell you. You may have read about my "plight" in the "Pour Your Heart Out II" thread, which I frequent often...
So, I loved this girl for four years, she broke up with in our 3rd week of dating, because of her sister, supposedly...And I pined after her for the entirety of middle school. I didn't see her at all during that time, so whatever. We finally got off our asses and went and met each other at the local mind-slave factory (the mall. which I was actually terrified of entering, due to a previous bad experience) back in February? Yeah, February...And we sort of hit it off. Again. So, fairly recently, I told her I loved her. She pretty much blew me off, but eventually asked me out. I, quite literally, would have said yes at any other point in my life, but she said she would wait, and dammit she did. Sort of. A week after she asked me out, I said yes, and she said no. She had gotten back with her ex. Fuck waiting. Needless to say, I'm done.
What I'm trying to say is, when all's said and done, you're probably better off. I'm happy these days. I can go an entire day without thinking of her. Having a decent Internet connection really helps though. And music. Merchant Ships, a local band, has some really good breakup tunes.


What you're telling us is that you have no idea how to deal with people you want to go out with. Firstly, you don't tell them you 'love' them, until you have been dating for a long time (it was months before the word 'love' was used in my previous relationship). If you do then all you appear is clingy and desperate. Secondly, if she asked you out, then why are you debating it? You just say "yeah, I'll meet you" at where ever kids hang out these days. Thirdly, ignore her ex. Just ask her out, but don't be pathetic about it this time. Be confident, but don't over do it and appear needy.

Also, get some more female friends; in my experience, which is by no means exhaustive, women are a lot better at judging these things than men and offer much better advice.

[Aloysius]

That's a little harsh...But honest, which is what I need right now.
I think I'm just going to stop trying. For now anyway. I'll wait for someone who's worth it.

[Sam_b]

It was only a short relationship, but she was really hot

Judging by this you probably deserved it.

[DunyaGongrenKomRevolyutsi]

Judging by this you probably deserved it.

And if you are anything like your avatar, you too. :tongue_smilie:

[Jazzratt]

And if you are anything like your avatar, you too. :tongue_smilie: I'm not even sure this makes sense.

[DunyaGongrenKomRevolyutsi]

Of course it does, everyone has been dumped.

[this is an invasion]

Cry a little bit. Go break some shit. Kick it with your closest friends for a while.

[Sam_b]

And if you are anything like your avatar, you too

I'll as my partner and see if she will cooperate.

[Ravachol]

maybe smoke some pot (or other drugs of your choice, but I don't suggest psychedelics in a bad state of mind)

LISTEN TO THIS MAN. Don't ever, ever do psychedelics in any state of mind that's not at least 'comfortable'. A mate of mine went shroomin' like mad just a day or two after his relationship ended and man was the lad a mess...

[Invader Zim]

That's a little harsh...But honest, which is what I need right now.
I think I'm just going to stop trying. For now anyway. I'll wait for someone who's worth it.

No. Wrong answer. Don't give up now. Just do it properly this time.

That said, if you really don't think she is worth it, which I think is dubious given what you've just told us, you should at least try. But this time do it properly. Don't get me wrong, leave it a while. Don't talk to her, ring her, email her, text message her, or anything else for a week or so. My guess is that if she wants to continue your relationship (or lack of) she will talk to you. If she does, then you know that you are in a position to make another (this time sensible) move. If not, try one more time. But after that, then maybe you're right and it is time to move on.

But then again, why are you listening to me? I've fucked up my relationship, and probably fucked up the one I currently am working on. To elaborate, after I broke up with my prevous girl I briefly started seeig (per say) another girl, who is a friend more than a lover. We have been together a few times in this period, but then I got hammered and ignored all the advice I've given you and now, unsupprisingly has gone rather cold with me. So I'm the last person to take relationship advice from, save the fact I know where I've fucked up.

[Invader Zim]

Judging by this you probably deserved it.

Why? Explain. Given that physical attraction is a major part of a relationship (and it is, and suggestion otherwise can only be made by an individual who hasn't ever actually been in a serious sexual relationship) it is neither unnatural or odd that a person regrets letting some relationships slip through their fingers more than others.