I do not understand the opposite sex

[Lyev]

I'd just like to put forward this little disclaimer first: I know we get a lot of stupid threads in chit-chat about Revleft's member's sexual conquests, and their love-lifes etc. etc., and I feel ridiculous for sharing my problems with folks on the internet but here goes...

Well basically, I thought that, with the girlfriend I was with, that it would go somewhere. That sounds like a horrible cliche, and it probably is, but out of the few girls that I have considered myself being in a serious relationship with, she is the only one that I have really really liked.

She split up with me earlier today surprisingly, patronisingly and horribly and it's left me feeling very empty. I am usually a very indifferent person, without much drive. But for about the 2 months and a half (actually it was precisely 2 months and half today) I have had a wonderful impetus for trying to do well, and now it's been carelessly dispensed of.

I hate it how she has just tried to wash her hands of the whole thing, as if the past 5 years that I have known her have been completely meaningless. And I don't have fantastic self-worth either, and this doesn't exactly re-affirm it. She gave me a horrible list of excuses. Very obviously, as per usual, "it's her and not me", and "we would be better as friends".

But, one that I have never come across before is "I'm not a very relationship-y type person", whatever the fuck that is. I have tried rationalising with myself (as have other people too) with things like there's plenty more fish in the sea, and if that's her attitude then you shouldn't want anything to do with her etc., but it doesn't really satisfy me.

I have considered sending her flowers or something, but that is just creepy. At the moment I just feel like sitting around inside not doing a lot for quite a while (I have roughly an 11 week summer break coming up). I really don't know how to deal with this. Anyway, sorry to burden everyone with my problems, you'll probably all laugh at me or something like you did with that poor guy who went on hunger-strike.

Have any comrades got any advice? Has anyone older than me been through something similar? (By the way, I am only 16, but I'm not really satisfied with the rationale: "relationships aren't really very serious at your age" or "there's plenty more to come". Anyway, thanks again comrades.

[Angry Young Man]

Tell you what, we'll swap sexual orientations, that way I get it damp with the frequency it needs and you get to see how brown and clumpy the grass is on the other side

[Lyev]

Tell you what, we'll swap sexual orientations, that way I get it damp with the frequency it needs and you get to see how brown and clumpy the grass is on the other sideGosh, I'm not sure we need something so drastic. I could try I suppose. I am generally heterosexual for the most though. Thanks anyway.

[Saorsa]

Tell you what, we'll swap sexual orientations, that way I get it damp with the frequency it needs and you get to see how brown and clumpy the grass is on the other side

What?

[Angry Young Man]

You heard

[leftace53]

Your ex sounds a lot like me when it comes to relationships.

Do things that make you happy, and you'll soon get over her. It may take some time, as cliche as it is, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Take some time off from the opposite sex if you want (I'm not saying switch teams - though if you want, go ahead), just do stuff that you like.

[Dr Mindbender]

Have any comrades got any advice?

In my experience IRL introductions fail because you never find anyone that has the same expectations.

Join a free dating site and find someone equally lonely and frustrated. Stay away from the ones that charge cause you'll get your fingers burnt.

Thats how i found my wife.

[synthesis]

Opposite sex? I thought you meant... well.. nevermind (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_%28sexual_practice%29).

[nuisance]

In my experience IRL introductions fail because you never find anyone that has the same expectations.

Join a free dating site and find someone equally lonely and frustrated. Stay away from the ones that charge cause you'll get your fingers burnt.

Thats how i found my wife.
Erm, what? I guess it's true that the internet is destorying peoples ability to interact with others. What's this about different expectations with people in real life? How about you become mates with them first, you can't go around purposely looking to strike up a relationship with someone you barely know without the risk of it becoming contrieved and false.
I can understand isolated people using dating sites but to recommend them to a 16 year old isn't what I'd call good advice.
Basically, it's gonna be hard but you've gotta get on with it. Don't go around looking for a relationship, go out have fun and meet people. It's through social settings and enjoying peoples company that you'll know that a relationship with that person is good for you.

[Jazzhands]

Opposite sex? I thought you meant... well.. nevermind (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_%28sexual_practice%29).

I really hate some of you people...not that there's anything WRONG with that.

[Steve_j]

Lyev
To be straight up, nothing anything anyone can say will fix that feeling and make it better, and age doesnt matter, that feeling is just the same no matter how old you are. Just sit tight, keep you head down, try and keep busy as to not dwell on it and move on.

And if that fails, just get drunk have sex with a stranger and wake up feeling even worse. (lame atempt at a joke)

Seriously though, my ex and i lived together for quite a few years, practically married, she was my family and my life, as i was hers. Shit fell apart, and so did i, but life goes on.

I know it sounds clique but really, time heals all wounds. Life moves on and so will you. For now just ride it out and you will be ok. I promise.

[Jazzratt]

If you're too drunk to get it up it doesn't matter anyway.

EDIT: More seriously if you don't at least try to think about and do other things (or people) you'll end up putting yourself in a miserable rut where you find yourself counting the years you've beeen going all mopey over one person (4, if you wondered) and will end up missing oppurtunities to form relationships even when they stare you in the face (or hire a hotel room and fuck you in it).

[RebelDog]

Have any comrades got any advice? Has anyone older than me been through something similar? (By the way, I am only 16, but I'm not really satisfied with the rationale: "relationships aren't really very serious at your age" or "there's plenty more to come". Anyway, thanks again comrades.

I know exactly how you feel, awful isn't it? I had a terrible time with a girl who used me and treated me like I was nothing. A year on and I still feel bad. My problem is I never got all the answers as to what was going on and I still feel angry and I don't want to feel like that. I'm trying really hard to move on but for me its been a slow process. I'm going to try and meet someone else and draw a line under the last year. I'm afraid life is never simple or easy. Hope things get better for you.

[RHIZOMES]

I have the opposite problem from Lyev, I can't understand my own sex.


In my experience IRL introductions fail because you never find anyone that has the same expectations.

This goes directly against my experience. I hung out with people similar to me, met a woman through this social circle who was similar to me, we started casually hanging out and voila now I'm in an amazing relationship. So basically what Edelweiss Pirate said. If what Dr. Mindbender said was true then before the internet or newspaper personals there would have been absolutely no happy relationships.

[Steve_j]

If you're too drunk to get it up it doesn't matter anyway.

Oh christ, been there done that, fucked up at the time but piss funny afterwards :laugh: Kinda like alot of things in life.

[Tablo]

Drinking and sex with strangers fixes everything.

Just remember to sleep on your side and wear protection. :)

[Joesky]

Doing anything with a broken heart makes you feels like you're living in an instruction manual.

1.Put the left foot forward
2.Then move the right foot forward
3.Stop
4.Find a seat
5.Sit Down
6.Cry
7.Go back to work

[Saorsa]

All relationships of any kind with other human beings inevitably end in pain and suffering. Life is a bleak and hard process of building up naive illusions only to have them brutally destroyed.

Once you've accepted this and learned to make the most of it you'll be happy! :)

Seriously, this sucks. Espescially if it's your first time, it hurts like nothing you ever could have imagined... But think of it like this. This is going to happen to you again, probably many times - and it gets easier. The first breakup is always the worst and they get easier after that, if only because you recognise what you're feeling and become a bit better at dealing with it.

You're too good for her anyway!

[Steve_j]

This is going to happen to you again, probably many times - and it gets easier. The first breakup is always the worst and they get easier after that, if only because you recognise what you're feeling and become a bit better at dealing with it.

Interesting logic, although i dont think it gets any easier so to speak as each situation is unique.


You're too good for her anyway!

:thumbup1: A man of wisdom!

[Animal Farm Pig]

My tactic has always just been to drink heavily. Wait-- scratch that; I always drink heavily. Drink more heavily.

Relationships ending always sucks. It's just a fact of life. You're going to feel like shit for a while. There is nothing you can do to make it better (except, see above). You'll gradually start to feel better. Then, one day, you may meet someone who you really connect with. You'll start to smile a lot. You won't feel that same as you felt for the one who just left you, but there will be something there. And then, the whole process will repeat itself. :)

How long will it take? Well, when I was in high school is was usually a month or two. Most recently, it took me about a year to get over the ex-wife. I still think about her from time to time, but now (18 months later) I can say that I feel "whole" again.

[FreeFocus]

Get a hobby - biking, lifting, martial arts, paintballing, whatever. Find something constructive to do that is enjoyable and develops some type of skills.

[MarxSchmarx]

Relationships ending always sucks. It's just a fact of life. You're going to feel like shit for a while. There is nothing you can do to make it better (except, see above). You'll gradually start to feel better. Then, one day, you may meet someone who you really connect with. You'll start to smile a lot. You won't feel that same as you felt for the one who just left you, but there will be something there. And then, the whole process will repeat itself. :)

How long will it take? Well, when I was in high school is was usually a month or two. Most recently, it took me about a year to get over the ex-wife. I still think about her from time to time, but now (18 months later) I can say that I feel "whole" again.

This. Just give it time.

It sucks in the interim, there will be days when you feel despondent and like garbage. Just keep telling yourself those feelings too will pass. Pretty soon you'll have other concerns to worry about, other things to deal with, and slowly it won't bother you.

It's kind of impressive how time can do this.

[Tyrlop]

there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Sexist.

[S.Artesian]

Yeah, relationships suck, but they beat the shit out of the alternative-- no relationships. Pocket version? Can't live with them, can't sleep alone.

Cliches apply. Everyone's crazy. Women are different than men, thank fucking Christ. Relationships are an excuse to say things to people we would never say if we didn't know them. Sex is what we do to keep from killing each other. And as I told my straight arrow father, married and suffering in love with my mother for 54 years-- "If we talked to them the way they talk to us, we'd never get laid."

None of this means we, men are a prize. Let's face it, we're on this planet for 2 reasons-- 1. Introduce variety into the species by fertilizing the queen and 2. taking out the garbage. After that, we're all smoke and mirrors, trying to keep them from throwing us out of the hive. And they know that. If we didn't lie to them, women, they wouldn't have anything to do with us..

But once we get beyond the sad biology of need and despair, what's left? Fun. Pleasure. And millions and millions of women; millions of them. As the Marvelettes sang, "Too Many Fish In the Sea."

Never forget how good you look to them when you're wearing a suit. I am not kidding you. Worth owning one or two, just to ease the introductions. Works better than walking a dog.

Your despair and depression are internalized anger-- anger that you inflict upon yourself, to keep you from a) really feeling the intensity of pain and sense of abandonment b) exposing yourself to the possibility of a repeat of the pain and abandonment.

What can you do about this? In a word, and for a period of time, not a fucking thing. The depression, despair, whatever, are evolutionarily adaptive responses. Time will diminish the intensity of the chemicals sloshing around in your brain right now... and if it doesn't, there are always drugs to get you over the rough spots. Nothing wrong with that either.

So that is the advice from a recidivist in the fucked-up relationship department. And if it gets me disqualified from the central committee or the politbureau... hey, I've been thrown out, and kept out, of better places.

[Nwoye]

Get a hobby - biking, lifting, martial arts, paintballing, whatever. Find something constructive to do that is enjoyable and develops some type of skills.
this. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. Nunchuk skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills, etc.

[bcbm]

the low level misogyny on this forum is astonishing.

[Tyrlop]

the low level misogyny on this forum is astonishing.
but a high level of
Misandry

[Jazzratt]

but a high level of
Misandry

Just shut the fuck up. No one likes you.

[lombas]

My ex treated me horribly. It wasn't until I fell in love with my present other half and left her that she started showing her "true" feelings. It totally fucked me up.

[BeerShaman]

Well, it doesn't matter if anything stops sometime or not. Just keep living the way you like it most. And well, it seems to me that she either wanted another person, or that she was stupid, or that she was a bastard *****! In any case, it's ok! Just go on. In any case, you couldn't do anything better. Just remind yourself that life would be less beautiful if things like this didn't happen. These things teach you make you feel, thus make you human, and are valuable. This is life. Feeling and thinking, causing and receiving consequences. Just relax! Yeah, hang out with your friends more and do stupid and funny things that will make your day. Even if you don't feel like that. It will make your days. Melancholy has nothing more for you than happiness. And remember laughing and smiling increase your age limit. And you'll need a long one. Or else, you'll have less chances to be part of a revolution.
(Personally, I have done a lot of erotic crap recently, some of it great, other shitty, it's still nice after all and then, I would take part in a revolution even if I were 120 years old!) Hah! Cheers!:cool::):laugh::thumbup1::laugh: You'll find more people and you'll surely feel better! How would you know if this didn't happen! :D
You 16? Me 15! Hah! Take it ageists!

[Lyev]

I'm very thankful for the community we have at Revleft, even though this is only an internet board. Your advice is touching too, even though I do feel like a slight twat for sharing my problems with you guys over the internet. I had a good day taking part in some activism with the party which was really great because it totally took my mind off her for a couple of hours, but then I saw a guy selling flowers and it made me think of her again. I will see her on tuesday and let you know I get on. Again, I really appreciate the advice comrades. I know the general consensus here isn't to try and win her back, but I'll give it a go anyway, though it makes it seem as if I'm part of some awful Hugh Laurie romantic-comedy.

[lombas]

I'm very thankful for the community we have at Revleft, even though this is only an internet board. Your advice is touching too, even though I do feel like a slight twat for sharing my problems with you guys over the internet. I had a good day taking part in some activism with the party which was really great because it totally took my mind off her for a couple of hours, but then I saw a guy selling flowers and it made me think of her again. I will see her on tuesday and let you know I get on. Again, I really appreciate the advice comrades. I know the general consensus here isn't to try and win her back, but I'll give it a go anyway, though it makes it seem as if I'm part of some awful Hugh Laurie romantic-comedy.

If you were only together for little over two months, I wouldn't buy her flowers. You have very little to gain by that (it will lower your self-esteem).

Honestly, I'd take her offer to be friends. Nothing wrong with admitting you don't get along as a couple but can be good friends. But I'd take some time off her, and maybe ask her what's wrong with you (because it's not "her", it's something in you she doesn't like or something in someone else she likes more). It won't necessarily teach you anything about your "bad side" (because what she might deem stupid doesn't have to be stupid at all) but it might teach you more about yourself and how others perceive you as a person.

Just my two cents... :)

Good luck getting over it.

[S.Artesian]

No, whatever you do, do NOT be friends. That's simply torture. Walk away. Maybe a year from now, when you're in another relationship, maybe then you can be friends, but not right now.

[Spawn of Stalin]

I've never really been in this situation, I've only ever been with one girl, seven years and counting, and I can't imagine how I would feel if we split up. But comrade just spend time with friends and family, people you like who make you feel good, some people will say you need space and stuff but really being alone will only make you think about shit and then you'll just feel worse. Maybe you should spend a bunch of money on yourself, I know it's completely shallow and superficial but retail therapy seems to work very well, for me at least, also, watch kids shows, Scooby Doo is really good for when you're feeling a bit low, there's a good torrent on the Pirate Bay with all 25 original episodes in very high quality if you're interested, I put them on my PS3 and watched them on a 40", they looked good bro. If needs be, go and have a one night stand, I hear they can be pretty awesome after break ups. And if all else fails just think of me.

Chin up comrade.

[Spawn of Stalin]

Also for what its worth I would probably just go ahead and buy her some flowers

[Chambered Word]

Just shut the fuck up. No one likes you.

That's a bit harsh man...I love Tyrlop.


Get a hobby - biking, lifting, martial arts, paintballing, whatever. Find something constructive to do that is enjoyable and develops some type of skills.

This, jack off more too. Do something that makes you feel good and take your mind off her, it's so much better than dwelling on your problems all the time.

Don't feel stupid for asking us, there's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, good luck with everything Lyev.

[BeerShaman]

And remember, next time, it's very important that the girl you are with talks about her problems more directly. The opposite just ruined a relation of mine. Stupid nag! Anyway, it's not always that we are wrong on something we do, but that maybe we need another type of persons for our relations, erotic or not.:)