Communist jokes?

[Catillina]

Does anyone know a good communist joke?

[Honggweilo]

trotskyism

too much :rolleyes:

[Jazzratt]

No. THey're almost invariably shit.

[eyedrop]

No. THey're almost invariably shit.Forklift jokes are okay though.

[Red Saxon]

In America, you watch TV. In Soviet Russia, TV watch you!
:laugh:

[Jeoh]

An old classic.


A man walks across a bridge one day, and sees a woman standing on the
edge, about to jump. He runs over and says: "Stop, don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" the woman asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you into politics?"

"Yes."

"Me too. Are you on the left or on the right?"

"The left."

"Me too. Are you a reformist or a revolutionary?"

"Revolutionary."

"Me too. Are you a Marxist or an Anarchist?"

"Marxist."

"Me too. Are you a Stalinist or a Trotskyist?"

"Trotskyist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you originally Pabloite or Orthodox?"

"Orthodox."

"Me too. Are you with the Spartacist or ICFI tradition?"

"Spartacist."

"Me too. Are you with the Spartacist League or the IBT?"

The woman said: "The IBT."

The man said: "Die, centrist scum," and pushed her off.

[farleft]

PURE SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everybody else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. the government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM You have two cows. the government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you all the eggs and milk that regulations say you should need.

COMMUNISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, then sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

COMMUNISM (reality): You share two cows with your neighbours. You and your neighbours bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

COMMUNISM (Stalinism) You have two cows. You are shot as a counter-revolutionary. The cows are put in the Gulag.
The milk? What milk? Who are you, and why are you asking about milk, Comrade?

CHINESE COMMUNISM You have two cows. You are made to take care of them, the government takes all the milk.

COMMUNISM (Leninism) You have two cows. You are shot as a counter-revolutionary. The cows are also shot as counter-revolutionary. The Proletariat gets the milk, but refuses to drink such petit bourgeois liquids.

MILITARIANISM You have two cows. the government takes both and drafts you.


DICTATORSHIP You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

TOTALITARIANISM You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

FASCISM You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

ANARCHY You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours will kill you and take your cows.

AUSTRALIAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government nationalizes your herd to control the price of milk and level the playing field for consumers. Each cow has a calf and they grow into cows. The milkers union stage an industrial action (strike) to protest the increase in the number of milk cows. A new party comes to power and the economic rationalists privatize your herd to control the price of milk and level the playing field for producers. The government orders the slaughter of two cows to cut production and control the price of milk.You throw a huge beef barbie (barbecue), with XXXX (how Australians spell beer), invite the milkers union, and give a speech espousing the merits of a level playing field. You still have two cows. (Thanks to Del Dyreson for this one!)

AUSTRALIAN DEMOCRACY 2 You have two cows (and their two little calves that arrived by boat from a war torn country). The government locks them up in a prison in the middle of the desert. The Minister for Immigration gets a privately owned company to guard the cows and milk them for
$1 billion. The cows riot and the guards use tear gas on them. You help the cows break out in the middle of the night. The cows turn up at the British Embassy and ask for asylum. They are rejected out of hand and sent back overseas because they are illegal according to the government. The government then bans illegal cows from setting foot on sacrad Australian soil and pays $1 billion in aid to poor countries to get rid of the illegal cow problem. You get no milk.

PURE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY You have two cows. Politicians decide who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you have to sell both. Your tax is used to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was originally one of yours, a free gift from your government.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.

LIBERTARIANISM (USA) You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."

APARTHEID You have two cows. You give the black cow's milk to the white cow to drink and don't milk the white cow.

[Red Saxon]

Farleft, you made my effing day.

[Animal Farm Pig]

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you have to sell both. Your tax is used to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was originally one of yours, a free gift from your government.

Not quite correct-- obviously written by a right winger. It should read more along the lines of:

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. You feed them organic food every morning before commuting 50 miles in your hybrid to your bourgeois job in the city. Every once in a while, you go on tour or give an interview on NPR to promote your book about "voluntary simplicity"/"slow lifestyle"/"going back to the land". You don't milk the cows because you're vegan.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You are an agribusiness with 2,000,000 cows and a transnational distribution network. You receive government subsidies for every acre of feed lot, every cow, and every gallon of milk produced. You produce more milk than anyone could ever need, but it's okay because the government has put in place price floors and buys up all surplus. You counter any talk of ending this insane situation with nostalgic references to "hardworking family farmers."

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. You can't compete with big agribusiness. You sell the cows to a rich urbanite with romantic notions about "going back to the land." Now receive minimum wage as the night clerk at a filling station. You use your food stamps to get milk produced by big agra.

[farleft]

Thanks Red Saxon

Good adjustments Animal Farm Pig

[Animal Farm Pig]

Good adjustments Animal Farm Pig

Thanks.

The others were so good, I was just disappointed to see my country so poorly represented. :)

[farleft]

Thanks.

The others were so good, I was just disappointed to see my country so poorly represented. :)

:laugh:

[NecroCommie]

What do you get when you put a trotskyite in a phone booth for the weekend?

Three communist parties and two internationals.

[jake williams]

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. You feed them organic food every morning before commuting 50 miles in your hybrid to your bourgeois job in the city. Every once in a while, you go on tour or give an interview on NPR to promote your book about "voluntary simplicity"/"slow lifestyle"/"going back to the land". You don't milk the cows because you're vegan.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You are an agribusiness with 2,000,000 cows and a transnational distribution network. You receive government subsidies for every acre of feed lot, every cow, and every gallon of milk produced. You produce more milk than anyone could ever need, but it's okay because the government has put in place price floors and buys up all surplus. You counter any talk of ending this insane situation with nostalgic references to "hardworking family farmers."

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY You have two cows. You can't compete with big agribusiness. You sell the cows to a rich urbanite with romantic notions about "going back to the land." Now receive minimum wage as the night clerk at a filling station. You use your food stamps to get milk produced by big agra.
Ultrawin.

[Honggweilo]

i remembered when chit-chat was good...

[4 Leaf Clover]

the old yugoslav :

Lenin escapes the hell , and find shelter in heaven

One day devil goes to seek him , knocks on the heavens door. God opens. Devils say "mister god ,did you see..."

"first of all im not mister god , im commrade god , second , hurry up with what you got im runing late for party meeting"

Literaly translated

[ContrarianLemming]

Stalin in giving a speech to a crowd of his advisors, during his speech someone sneezes - the audiance stills, knowing this wont end end
The interupted Stalin order the first row to stand up
"which one sneezed?"
No one comes foward, Stalin has them all executed.
Stalin orders the second line to stand, in tears, they all stand
"which one sneezed?"
No one answers, Stalin orders them executed.
Before Stalin could order the third line, a man at the back shouts out, in tears "sir! it was me! I'm so sorry" the sobbing man cries and expects death, to which Stalin replies
"Bless you"

What do anarchists drink herbal tea?
because proper-ty is theft.

What's an anarchist joke?
Anarcho capitalism

Q. What does a trotkyist taxi service look like?
A. They tell you where you're going and how to get there.

Police: No Black Bloc Today
Washington - Authorities here today announced that the much bally-hooed black bloc they had warned the city about, failed to materialize. The city had allocated $4 million to police today's black bloc. An assistant to the police chief related that "We looked around all day. At one point we saw a bunch of people dressed in black and followed them around for an hour, but they turned out to be trade officials on their way to a meeting." A spokesperson for the local anarchists, Ray Heart, said that no black bloc had been planned for today,because the local anarchists were all busy doing food distro and getting ready for tonight's Avail show.

Misspelled Banner Dooms Anti-Capitalist Protest
Anarchists in Detroit this week are pointing fingers at each other after an embarrassing gaffe at last week's anti-capitalist protest. A banner which led the black bloc included a misspelled word, which led other activists to denounce the bloc as "illiterate savages." Many of the police dropped their riot gear in laughter as the bloc marched by. The banner was supposed to have read "Revolutionary Anti-Capitalist Bloc," but one of the banner makers had painted an "o" instead of a "u" in 'Revolutionary." Several of the more liberal activists later blamed the poor turnout for the rally on the misspelling.

[Tyrlop]

i remembered when chit-chat was good...
best joke :thumbup1:

[scarletghoul]

Why couldnt Deng Xiaoping go fishing ?

He didn't have the correct line.

[Nuvem]

It's 1973, a CNN reporter in the DDR walks up to a man on the streets and asks him, "Assuming there is a heaven and there is a hell, would you rather be in a Socialist hell or a Capitalist hell?"

The man thinks about it briefly, cracks a smile and says, "Easy. A Socialist hell; either way we're tormented forever, but in a Socialist hell the devil isn't working at the moment and they've run out of matches and firewood."

[soyonstout]

The best joke I ever heard was from an ICC militant and goes like this (hopefully I don't butcher it, he takes a good deal of pride in his jokes):

It's 1924 and Lenin dies. There's a debate between God and Satan as to whether he should go to heaven or hell. Satan says, "surely you can't let this man into heaven. He didn't believe" and God replies, "yes but the man gave his whole life over to trying to change the world--he fought vigorously against the war, against exploitation, etc." This debate continues for some hours, and eventually Satan wins the debate and Lenin goes down to hell.

After a few days, God gets a phonecall and its Satan down in hell saying "You've got to do something about this God, it's terrible! Ever since Lenin arrived, all the devils have been on strike demanding shorter hours, sharper pitchforks, and better wages! We can't get anything done and it only seems to get worse!" So God says, "ok, send Lenin up to heaven then. It's clear he's only making trouble down there." So Lenin gets sent up to heaven.

A few days after that, God gets another phone call from Satan. Satan says "I told you it was bad before, but its 10 times worse now!!! The devils are demonstrating in the streets with great big banners saying 'bring comrade Lenin back from exile,' and the situation is turning into an insurrection!"

God Replies: "Two things. First of all, when you talk to me, you call me comrade. Secondly, I don't exist."





The second part is a variation on one told above, but I really like it this way.

[Robocommie]

Yeah, that's actually an old joke from the Soviet Union. The version I heard, God responds to Satan, "First of all, it's not Lord God, it's Comrade God, second of all, there is no God, and thirdly, I can't talk right now I'm late for a party meeting."

[NecroCommie]

This is of russian origin.

What capitalism can achieve in one year that communism couldn't do in 70?
- Make communism look good. :D

[AK]

Communism is a joke.

[Crusade]

Communism is a joke.

http://media.bigoo.ws/content/halloween/gif_skulls/halloween_skulls_190.jpg

[mlgb]

NKVD major: "We arrested this man for treason!"
Stalin: "What did he do?"
NKVD major: "He was saying: "Damn that mustached bastard for ruining the country!""
Stalin: "Is that so? And who did you mean by that, comrade?"
Prisoner: "Naturally I meant Hitler, comrade Stalin!"
Stalin: "And who did you mean, comrade major?"

[Q]

Another variant on the afterlife joke:

It's 1924, Lenin dies. He's shocked to find that there is actually a Heaven and a gate with Peter guarding it. He walks up to him a bit awkwardly and starts "well then...". Peter says "ah, Lenin is it? Let me see here. Communist, revolution, atheism... hmm... my my, you have quite a record here! But I guess you were well intentioned, so I'll let you in". And Lenin enters Heaven.

It's 1940, Trotsky dies. He too was amazed that Heaven actually existed. Peter, expecting him, directly walks up to him saying "Ah yes, Trotsky, how's the headache? Anyway, let me see here in your records. Hmm, Bolshevik, defending workers rights against the Order of Things, leading Red Army, founding Fourth International, atheist... *sigh*. Well, I guess you at least tried to make the best out of it. You may enter" and Trotsky enters heaven.

It's 1953, Stalin dies. He was not so shocked to find out Heaven exists, given his orthodox religious education. So he walks firmly up to Peter and asks "Well then, can I join Heaven? I have done great things. I've industrialised the USSR, defeated the nazi menace, defied the imperialist order...". Peter interupts him "I'm sorry, but I can't make this call myself here. I'll have to ask the Central Committee".

[Robocommie]

In 1973 there was an extremely popular Soviet miniseries called Seventeen Moments of Spring, about a Russian NKVD Colonel named Maksim Isaev who infiltrates the SS as "Standartenfuhrer Stirlitz." The character was played by Vyacheslav Tikhonov, and inspired a bunch of jokes in Russia playing off of the show. This one's my favorite:

Stirlitz wakes up to find he has been arrested. "Who got me? What name should I use?" He thinks, "Let's see, if they have black uniforms, I'll say I'm Standartenfuhrer Stirlitz. If they have green uniforms, I'm Colonel Isaev." Suddenly a policeman in a blue uniform comes in saying, "You really should lay off the vodka, Comrade Tikhonov!"

[Tyrlop]

A teacher learns that Vovochka's grandfather met Chapaev during the Russian Civil War. She asks him to come to the class on the eve of the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution and tell the kids about his memories. The old man reluctantly agrees. Kids meet him with excitement:
- "Say, gramps, did you see Chapayev with your own eyes?"
- "Indeed I did. There I was, on the bank of the Ural river, a Maxim machine gun firmly in my hands. Suddenly I see someone swimming across the river! His Excellency orders me, fire Ivan, fire! Well, kids, that was the last I ever saw of Chapaev!"

[4 Leaf Clover]

now this is getting better :)

[ContrarianLemming]

1) Three workers find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what they’re in for. The first man says: “I was always ten minutes late to work, so I was accused of sabotage.” The second man says: “I was always ten minutes early to work, so I was accused of espionage.” The third man says: “I always got to work on time, so I was accused of having a Western watch.”

[Robocommie]

A teacher learns that Vovochka's grandfather met Chapaev during the Russian Civil War. She asks him to come to the class on the eve of the anniversary of the Great October Socialist Revolution and tell the kids about his memories. The old man reluctantly agrees. Kids meet him with excitement:
- "Say, gramps, did you see Chapayev with your own eyes?"
- "Indeed I did. There I was, on the bank of the Ural river, a Maxim machine gun firmly in my hands. Suddenly I see someone swimming across the river! His Excellency orders me, fire Ivan, fire! Well, kids, that was the last I ever saw of Chapaev!"

That's hilarious. :D

[Honggweilo]

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadeshda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin's in Poland."

[al8]

Humor is no laughing matter and should only serve as a tool in the class struggle against the exploiters.

[Honggweilo]

Humor is no laughing matter and should only serve as a tool in the class struggle against the exploiters.

in soviet russia, humor laughs at you!

[al8]

in soviet russia, humor laughs at you!

No comrade I'm afraid you're taking the revisionist road in this particular question. Again the proletariat only truly laughs against the capitalist class if humor is used as a tool in the class struggle as is our task. Please study this exposition for further guidance;


The Marxist‑Leninist Theory
of Humor

Marxist‑Leninists have paid too little attention to the Humor Question. For too long Bourgeois Humor and its miserable mystifying ideology have been allowed to misguide the broad masses of toilers. We must apply the scientific methods developed by Lenin, Stalin and others to examine this question so that we may use humor in the class struggle.

What is Humor?

Humor manifests itself by an involuntary muscular and vocal reaction ("laughter") to external stimuli ("jokes," "comedy", etc.). However, to define humor as merely laughter would be to adopt a vulgar empiricist approach. Clearly we must employ the dialectical materialist method to examine the question more deeply.

Base and Superstructure.

Is humor part of the (a) Base or (b) Superstructure? Humor employs language and therefore certain one‑sided dogmatic "Marxists" may try to pervert COMRADE STALIN'S* brilliantly clear statement that language is not part of the superstructure. However let us examine what STALIN did say: "In this respect while it differs in principle from the superstructure, language does not differ from the implements of production, from machines, let us say, which may equally serve a socialist or a capitalist system."

Can humor serve both a capitalist and a socialist system, as the means of production can? Is it therefore part of the base? Is capitalist humor the same as socialist humor? It is necessary only to ask such a question for us to see the answer. Humor must change with changing social conditions in response to differing modes of production. Humor is therefore part of the superstructure which arises in response to the base.



Correct and Incorrect Humor.

We must now distinguish between correct and incorrect humor. Humor contains opinions as to the real material world—i.e., it is a form of consciousness. If we are not to become bourgeois idealist humorists we must be guided by the great work of LENIN**, Materialism and Empiro‑Criticism: "Materialism in general recognizes objectively real being (matter) as independent of consciousness, sensation, experience . . . . Consciousness is only the reflection of being, at best an approximately true (adequate, ideally exact) reflection of it." Humor must therefore reflect objective reality. Humor in its present form reflects the contradictions of capitalism; laughter is always directed against somebody or something and as such reflects the hostility generated by competitive capitalism.

Consider humor as it manifests itself in "comic" strips, where sadistic bourgeois-individualistic characters attack each other verbally and physically. Consider as well the most developed and pervasive from of humor—the practical joke—whose aim is to subject another person to ridicule while attacking him.

While many more examples could be given, these should suffice as particularly striking manifestations of the bourgeois nature of humor.

But there is a deeper reality than competitive capitalism which humor must reflect: class conflict, the struggle between the bourgeoisie and the broad masses of toilers. It is the task of militant class‑conscious humor to point out this contradiction, emphasize it, and mobilize the workers in the class struggle. Proletarian humor must therefore be the exact opposite of Bourgeois humor, not only in form but in content. Bourgeois humor dissipates the energies of the masses through laughter, by fruitless practice (e.g., rolling in the aisles) and by masochistic behavior (e.g., thigh‑slapping). In contrast, proletarian humor directs the workers to the fulfillment of their revolutionary task.

For example: In his speech to the 18th Party Congress STALIN had recourse to humor which admittedly did provoke laughter. But the result was not mere mindless mirth. At the end of his speech the assembled party members arose, shouting "Long live Stalin" and other slogans expressive of revolutionary ardor.

We now have a working definition capable of providing a means of discovering genuine revolutionary humor: Humor is laughter directed against the class enemy in a manner that mobilizes the broad masses of toilers to overthrow capitalism.

Humor as an expression of conflict in general has no place where relations between members of the working class are concerned. In such a situation it can only be divisive and objectively counter‑revolutionary. Thus it should be clear that those would‑be members of the Revolutionary Vanguard who provoke humor are objectively aiding the Bourgeoisie by splitting and wrecking the unity of the working class. This is clearly a Trotskyite tactic. Ironically, their interminable wrangling over "matters of principle" and their ludicrous antics generally make the Trotskyites themselves a humorous counterrevolutionary spectacle.

The members of the revolutionary Party must adopt a resolutely unhumorous attitude, a serious attitude in their relations with each other and with the broad masses of toilers. This should be particularly evident when we reflect on the nature of Socialist Society.

Socialist Seriousness.

Under Socialism there will be no classes and consequently no class conflict. Humor will cease to reflect any objective reality and will wither away. Consequently, those who engage in humor after being admonished by Party members will be clearly identifiable as saboteurs. It will be necessary to root out these weeds from the collective farm of Socialism. However, such saboteurs may prove skillful in hiding themselves. It will thus prove necessary for skilled Party members to ferret them out by engaging in humorous dialogue. If, for instance, a suspected saboteur is found to be cognizant of the answers to riddles, or if he replies to the Party member's encouragement by telling jokes, then such a person must be subject to Revolutionary Justice. It is suggested that the death sentence would be appropriate. This should be administered while the criminal is heavily dosed with helium (laughing gas), so that his "laughing death" may prove a suitable object of horror and negative reinforcement to the broad masses of workers and peasants.

Humor will of course continue to be necessary in relations between socialist and imperialist countries as the class struggle continues on the international stage.

The Correct Employment of Humor.

In its employment humor must be subject to the Party Principle. Not only must the Party as the exponent of the objective interests of the working class decide what is correct humor, but humor must be subject to the discipline and order that only the revolutionary Party can provide. In deciding what is correct humor the party must be guided by this principle: Correct humor is mirth-mobilization that encourages the toiling masses to collectively overthrow the bourgeoisie, under the leadership of the party. This can be illustrated by an example:

a) A worker trips on a banana peel and falls. Is this correct humor? Obviously not! It is blatantly anti‑working class.

b) A boss trips on a banana peel and falls. While this is progressive it is not revolutionary. The overthrow of the capitalist seems to result from material conditions, but in a purely mechanical way. Moreover, he could rise to his feet again.

c) The boss is tripped by the concerted actions of thousands of workers. This is still more progressive, but it is totally spontaneist as it does not show the role of the party.

d) The boss is tripped by the concerted action of thousands of workers after a speech by a party member. This alone of the above examples can be considered correct humor.

And what should be the reaction of the broad masses of toilers? As we have said, they should not dissipate their energies through "laughing", "giggling", etc. Instead a grim smile of determination should be their response, followed by the clenching and raising of the fist. No frivolous petty capitalist individualistic snickering should occur; and when humor is produced under the leadership of the Party we can be assured this will never happen.

We must emphasize that these responses should be in unison. The collective twitching of proletarian mouths in smiles of grim determination, combined with workers' fists raised in the spirit of struggle will be ample evidence of the power of revolutionary humor.

Fight Bourgeois Buffoonery!

Create Socialist Seriousness!




*Great former leader of the toiling masses.

** Sublime former leader of the toiling masses.

[Honggweilo]

oh hahaha, i forgot about that article :lol: pure gold

much gratitude for preventing my rightist liberial deviation onto the capitalist road comrade :rolleyes:

communism, serious business

[Jazzhands]

There's a whole wikipedia article on Russian political jokes. It's friggin hilarious. Most of them satirize the USSR. There's also one on East German jokes but they aren't as funny.

A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't - I just gave a guy ten years for it!" :laugh:

[Chambered Word]

Love the article. :lol:

[originofopinion]

The Joke is....Stalinism

[Q]

A high up bureaucrat visits a factory for inspection and sees no one working, shocked he walks to the local manager and asks "why are your men not working?!", "but they are working, can't you see that comrade?" says the manager. "No, the whole factory is on a complete standstill!" says the bureaucrat. "Well", says the manager, "you pretend we have socialism and we pretend we are working".

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly the train stops. Lenin suggests: "Perhaps, we should call a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants fix the problem." Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not start moving, the driver will be shot!" But the train doesn't start moving. Khrushchev then shouts, "Let's take the rails behind the train and use them to construct the tracks in the front". But it still doesn't move. Brezhnev then says, "Comrades, Comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"

The difference between capitalism and communism: under communism you have lots of money and nothing to buy, under capitalism you have no money and lots to buy.

What do you call a Trabant up a hill?: A miracle.
What do you call two Trabants up a hill?: A mirage.
What do you call ten Trabants up a hill?: The factory's up there.

Did you know they have Knight Rider in the GDR? It's a Trabant with a pocket calculator!

"Lenin died, but his cause lives on!" and "Brezhnev died, but his corpse lives on."

Newsflash on state TV: "Today, due to bad health and without regaining consciousness Konstantin Ustinovich Chernenko took up the duties of Secretary General"

A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase vodka from a liquor store, however due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is excessively long, the man loses his nerve and screams "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now and I am going to kill him!" After 40 minutes the man returns, and begins elbowing his way back to his place in the vodka queue as the crowd looks on. They begin to ask if he succeeded in killing Gorbachev, to which the man replies: "No, I got to the Kremlin, but the line to kill Gorbachev was far too long, so I decided to come back and wait for my vodka"

A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing and telling political jokes. The fourth one desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, frustrated, he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends over an ashtray and says with utter nonchalance: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the conspirator finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge where his neighbors had gone. "Oh, the KGB has arrested them!" she answers. "B-but... but what about me?" asks the guy in terror. "Oh, well, they decided to let you go. Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot."

What is more useful: newspapers or television?
Newspapers, of course. You can't wrap herring in a TV.

Yeltsin's aide approaches him and says, "Mister President, two guests are here to see you: the Pope, and the director of the International Monetary Fund. Who shall I show in first?" Yeltsin thinks for a moment, then says: "Show in the Pope; at least I only have to kiss his ring."

Stalin's ghost appears to Putin in a dream, and Putin asks for his help running the country. Stalin says, "Round up and shoot all the democrats, and then paint the inside of the Kremlin blue." "Why blue?" Putin asks. "Ha!" says Stalin. "I knew you wouldn't ask me about the first part."

[MortyMingledon]

Here's two anarchist jokes I found (does that count?):

An anarcho-communist and a green-communist are in a car. Who is driving?
The cop.

What do you call an anarchist in a suit?
The defendant.

[Tyrlop]

H
What do you call an anarchist in a suit?

tyrlop