Dealing with alcoholism.

[Steve_j]

Not the usual light hearted chit chat but could really use some suggestions on this one.

My flatmate is what i would regard as a severe alchoholic and i am at a loss.

He has been through rehab, tried the 12 step program and it is now worse than ever. Its got the the point that he has recently wound up in hospital, he ran out of money and couldnt drink for a couple of days so his body went into shock. Its currently at a point that im sticking my head in the sand about the issue, its causing strain on my relationship with my partner who lives with us (she wants to move out, i wont leave him alone) and im at a loss as to where to go from here.

Any one got some advice from personal experience in a similar matter or just any advice in general, i would appreciate it.

Thanks x

[Foldered]

First, I would talk to him about it. If he's perpetually drunk, it may be difficult, but the best thing to do would be to figure out he feels about his alcoholism, whether or not he thinks he has a problem (I'm assuming yes, if he's tried rehab before), if he wants to change it, and so on. It's necessary as a friend to have a fundamental understanding of how he feels. Otherwise, something like stepping in and demanding that he change his ways will not be productive and will more than likely be alienating. I have a similar issue with a friend of mine who does coke too much, and while it's not a severe issue (as I imagine your friends is), I've been trying to figure out the best route to take.
First and foremost, it will involve a lot of sympathy.

[Steve_j]

First, I would talk to him about it. If he's perpetually drunk, it may be difficult, but the best thing to do would be to figure out he feels about his alcoholism, whether or not he thinks he has a problem (I'm assuming yes, if he's tried rehab before), if he wants to change it, and so on. It's necessary as a friend to have a fundamental understanding of how he feels. Otherwise, something like stepping in and demanding that he change his ways will not be productive and will more than likely be alienating. I have a similar issue with a friend of mine who does coke too much, and while it's not a severe issue (as I imagine your friends is), I've been trying to figure out the best route to take.
First and foremost, it will involve a lot of sympathy.

Hey mate, thanks for the response.

We have talked about it, he was sober for nearly a month at one point, he knows he has a problem and worked dam hard on it but still wont admit just how bad it is, its not that he doesnt know, its more a compulsive reaction. I give him no reason to hide the drinking from me, and i havent ever criticised him, i understand thats not helpful. I did speak to him this afternoon about it, he was incoherent so i asked him to try and be around for a chat tomorrow night, will see where he is at. I dont really want to but i think i might need to bring his family into this, they know about it, but i dont think they know to what extent, or dont want to know, as he has said himself, they also seem to have a head in the sand approach at the moment.

As for your friend with the coke issue, have had similar with a friend on speed (a 24/7 affair), in the end we all had to cut the ropes and thankfully that got the message through to him and he got it sorted. Not recomending it though as it could go the wrong way.

[BAM]

You should contact Al-Anon, the association for friends and family of alcoholics. I don't know if you are based in Britain, but their number here is 020 7403 0888. They have equivalent organisations in the States, etc.

You can't just stick your head in the sand about it. Your friend's drinking is causing problems with your relationship with your partner. Not only that, he is obviously very sick if his addiction is causing him to go into hospital. His family must be made aware of what's going on. They can't stick their heads in the sand, either.

You can't let your friend's problem ruin your life too.

[Steve_j]

Thanks for the number bam, yeah im in the uk, will give them a call.

[Comrade Gwydion]

My mum just got out of rehab a week ago. At the moment, I'm just friggin worried that she'll fall back. The thing is, she admits she has a drinking problem, but she doesn't admit it does anything to her. She drinks to much - end of problem. All the naussea, social isolation, dissyness, headache, inbalance, forgetfullness, confusion, bad sleep rythm, job-loss, etc have, according to her, nothing to do with the alcohol. Still, I hope they have talked some sense into her in rehab.

So, I feel for you. Remember though, it's not your responsibility. Yes, it's good for your to try and help, and worry and care about your roommate, but in the end, it's his/her own responsibility.

[Steve_j]

Hey Comrade Gwydion

Best of luck with your mum, perhaps point out to your mum how it affects you. My mum sobered up a year ago and has been good as gold ever since, only thing i regret was never telling her how it affected the rest of us kids (but at the same, as we were young we just thought it was "normal")

Thats been the hardest part about my flatemate, is untill now he wasnt affecting anyone else just himself so i didnt really have that leg to stand on.

Anyway good news is the doctor is going to see him on monday, so we have a few days to clean him up a little, and will catch up with his mum tonight.