My best mates Dad just died, what should I do?

[El Rojo]

My best mates dad passed away a few days ago. Mymate has had to come back from uni and has just called me viz the situation. I basically told him im about whenever he feels like calling or doing something.

Im his best mate and I need to help him handle it. Ill make this my top priority, but ivenever really been around a grieving person before. Does anyone been in a similar situation, if so any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Also, if yr gonna answer this thread, spare a few minutes for the guy in Denmark who is homeless, coz he seriously needs help.

[danyboy27]

My best mates dad passed away a few days ago. Mymate has had to come back from uni and has just called me viz the situation. I basically told him im about whenever he feels like calling or doing something.

Im his best mate and I need to help him handle it. Ill make this my top priority, but ivenever really been around a grieving person before. Does anyone been in a similar situation, if so any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Also, if yr gonna answer this thread, spare a few minutes for the guy in Denmark who is homeless, coz he seriously needs help.

dont insist, but make him understand you are avaliable anytime to discuss or just to chill in a bar or something.

[ellipsis]

yah nothing you can say or do will really make anything better but you can be there for him, to listen or cook for him.

[Bitter Ashes]

It probably hasnt sunk in yet to be honest, but I think I agree with the other posters. Just be there for him if he needs you. Basicly make sure that if he wants a drink, or a break, he knows where you are, or if he needs the kids looking after or his cat feeding while he sorts things out, that you're there for him. You dont need to spell all that out, just make sure you seem receptive, which you probably are all these things already if you're best friends :)

Whatever you do though, don't ever make him feel guilty for asking for help. Like if you need to drop everything to babysit or something, it's probably best to use a little white lie at this point and just say that it's no problem and you didnt have anything planned anyway.

[REVLEFT'S BIEGGST MATSER TROL]

Oh, just try your best to empathise with him,

Just be honet with how you feel about it, and how you think he probably feels i.e. "This must be a really black time for you" etc etc,

[The Red Next Door]

I am in the same situation, as you. What have learn is it better to shut up and just listen instead of, telling this person, don't be hard on yourself. etc. Just be there for him and listen.

[cenv]

The father of someone I'm close to died a few years ago. Now, that person tells me they hate nothing more than people trying too hard to comfort them or saying stuff like "I understand." Make it clear that you're always willing to listen to what he has to say but that he's free to say as little or as much as he wants to. You know best who your friend is, and some people need to talk about these things a lot while many people just need space to work through them on their own.

[Chambered Word]

Be there for him when he needs you and listen, don't be overbearing though. You could offer to help him if he's busy to take the strain off him. Nothing sucks more than having something horrible happen to you and at the same be loaded down with chores/homework/kids to look after.

[jake williams]

What he needs is somebody who can just be around, but yeah, you shouldn't be overbearing.

Especially if you've never been in this situation, you're gonna feel like 90% of what you do or say is the wrong thing. I'm not saying you have a license to be totally insensitive, but honestly, a) there's not gonna be anything that's "the right thing" to say, and b) he's going to hurt all of the time irrespective of what you do or say. He doesn't need you to be superman, or perfect, he just needs you to be available, and in doing that you really ARE going to help him. The worst thing is that you're so worried you're going to offend him or whatever that you don't want to be around him at all.

I do speak from experience where people have lost loved ones and I've freaked out about it, that me being around them I'm gonna be all awkward and say the wrong thing or whatever and I'll make them feel worse. That's not the case. Everything anybody says is going to remind them of the person, etc., and they will be thinking about them anyway. Just be around him and treat him like a human and try to treat him like you usually do, instead of a leper, without being insensitive. One of the biggest dangers is his friends won't talk to him because they're afraid to offend him. This can happen in pretty subtle ways too... I don't mean to freak you out, in fact what I'm really saying is, you can pretty much only help him by being around.